A Smile Like No Other
by Serenarey Chiba
Summary: I'm not sure how I came to be here, but I feel like this has to be the worst situation for me to be put in. Why not the Uchiha? Why not the Nara, Yamanaka, Akimichi, or any other big group? Hell, even living as Naruto's sister would be great, but this... When she shows me that smile, I feel like I have a reason to fight. SI (self-insert) fic.
1. Chapter 1

Another one? Geez. Whatever. Enjoy.

* * *

I'm not certain what gained me access to my previous memories. Going on accounts of the many different fanfiction I've read online, most people seemed to be self-aware of themselves and their position from the get-go, as if nothing was amiss. Maybe I'm simply different and couldn't recognize myself for what I was. As far as I'm aware, I spent my first two years in childish bliss, unaccountable for anything and not really caring about anything outside of my family bubble.

Young as I was, I still understood that my parents were not the most...hands-on mother and father ever. Aside of feeding me, changing my diapers before I could finally potty train, and meeting any other immediate needs, I actually never really saw the two. My father had been critically injured at some point in his life and couldn't care for me as he probably should have, from a moral standpoint, but at least he was there, I guess. My mother, on the other hand, was frequently attending to duties at work, and going on one mission after another. Considering my father wasn't bringing in any sort of income, it would only make sense that the only person who could support us would do nothing but.

I can't say it was a terrible childhood, those first two years. I had a sibling who was far older than I – close to nine years to be more precise. The second sibling was only around five years older in comparison. To be truthful, I don't think I was supposed to be born – I won't say I was a mistake, but more like an unexpected surprise. I could deal with that.

My sister was the quiet sort – she would often curl up with a book and read, though she always made time to speak gently or play with me. My brother was the complete opposite in that he was quite boisterous, always talking obnoxiously and just generally a nuisance. He adored our older sister though, and used to follow her around like an older puppy, and I won't deny that I didn't do the same as well. With father always gone to the hospital for checkups and essentially someone of insignificance in we three siblings' lives, and as mother was always gone for business and whatnot, our sister was our rock.

She learned to cook because there wasn't anyone else around to feed us, and she learned to sew to fix our clothing, and to clean after us as best as she was able. There was little reason to not see her as something of a role model, or parental figure. When I turned one, she suddenly became a lot busier, but she still made certain to come home and take care of the both of us. At the time, I don't believe I respected nearly anyone as much as I did her. The one thing I will never forget about her from that time period was the ever present smile that seemed like it was permanently affixed to her face. It was a soothing expression.

My brother took up the slack for my sister's continuance absence after a while. He couldn't cook worth a damn, but he tried, which is the most important part, I suppose. Ramen became a constant, and he had this uncanny sweet tooth that I couldn't say I genuinely shared. He would often also take me to the park a lot, though I was too young to actually do most of the activities. He also attempted to show me some different fighting techniques, much to our sister's amusement. Her claim that I was too young for such things obviously didn't deter him in the slightest.

Of course, it wasn't like my brother was always around – he had school to attend, after all. I would sleep in until around noon, by which point, my father would get home from a clinical. When my brother came home from school a few hours after that, Father would once again go missing for whatever reason.

My sister, however, would have periods where she would be home for days straight and then be gone suddenly for weeks at a time. It was jarring at times, but I'd learn to adapt to this routine: Mother was always gone; Father would be gone from early in the morning until noon, be present for me until my brother returned home and then vanish; Brother would be gone for school from the early morning until the mid-afternoon, and then would come home to attend to me; Sister would be present intermittently depending on what business needed to be conducted.

They probably weren't the _best_ , or most textbook-appropriate family, but they were all I had. As I said, those first two years were somewhat blissful. Ignorance has its silver linings.

Around early April, after I'd turned three, was when things began to roll downhill. My father's health turned for the worse and he permanently landed himself into a hospital bed. As far as I know, he hadn't had much time left to live. My sister left on an extended mission, which essentially meant I wouldn't see her again for quite some time, and suddenly, my brother was the only person I'd had left. I'm sure he tried his best to take care of me, but there's only so much a nearly eight-year-old boy could do when left to deal with a toddler on his own, as well as deal with the stress accumulated from knowledge of our father's situation.

Four months after that, our father died, leaving my brother succumbing to a deep depression. Suddenly, half of his family was gone from his life. Mother really didn't seem to exist, and the only reason we even knew she was still alive was from the gradual accumulation of money within our family bank account. Thinking back on it now, I'd like to say she had probably been running away from our family situation – no person should be able to undertake so many different missions, no matter how good or invaluable he or she was. It isn't hard to accept this theory, considering her husband had passed away, her daughter was gone for who knows how long, and her son was listless and rather unresponsive. Then, of course, there was me, but I was just the dumb toddler who still dribbled on her clothes and butt-scooted everywhere. I could walk, but that took energy I didn't care to expend. But, enough of that.

Admittedly, despite losing most of my family because of various circumstances, I was still content with my life, as most toddlers are. My brother still doted on me, despite his depression, and I was fed, clothed, and more or less happy with my day to day life. After all, as long as I had some of my family with me, what did anything else matter?

Yes, well. Fast forward to two months after that, and suddenly my life became hell.

I remember this moment clearly. My brother had just settled down with me to read me a story and we had made it about a fourth of the way through when a deadly chill laid down like a blanket over us. I don't believe I felt anything to be out of the ordinary, but my brother suddenly sat up ramrod straight, eyes wide and fearful. Book forgotten, he clutched me tighter to his chest, his heart pounding at a higher rate than normal. I heard a deafening roar that made me freeze with acute fear, though for what reason, I was unsure.

The lights all around us flickered off and on before finally losing power altogether as another roar sounded through the area. I heard a scream which must have come from me, as my brother was too drunken with fear to do much more than hold me close to him. A flash of red zoomed past our windows, as if a fire had broken out somewhere until we saw another red substance begin bubbling through the cracks and edges of our house. I had whimpered and clung as steadfastly to my brother as possible, but he didn't seem to register anything, so in the throes of fear that he was. I believe it was the moment that I tried to touch the red substance that he suddenly snapped out of his funk and hauled me up in his arms for a better grip.

My brother chose to jump back onto the couch before suddenly shifting me around to hang onto his back, my arms around his neck as he supported my legs and rear end. In the next second, he dashed out of the house right before we were swept away by a ferocious wind that sent us skyrocketing across the street. My brother had closed his eyes as we neared closer and closer to another house – had I been able to understand death fully, I might have thought that we were definitely doomed at that point.

However, surprise was definitely on our side, for better or worse, when someone suddenly appeared right behind us, catching the both of us with relative ease. Her dark blue eyes looked down piercingly at the two of us – I'd wager we were quite the sight, and I'm sure I'd lost control of my bowels at some point. I almost hadn't recognized her.

"M-Mom?" my brother stuttered out, obviously completely taken aback.

Our mother narrowed her eyes even more, her hand gripping Brother's shoulder tightly.

"There is little time to talk," she said, cutting to the chase immediately. "Do you remember where the nearest emergency bunker is?"

"I-I think so, but what...?"

Her hand moved away from his shoulders and instead rested gently upon my head as she frowned almost regretfully at me. The hand shifted down to cupping my cheek softly before leaving my face, and taking whatever warmth gained away with it.

She smiled slowly and sorrowfully. "You must be strong – take your sister there and protect her with your life. She is all you have now. You must ensure she lives."

"B-but, I don't understand!" my brother argued. "What's going on? What _is_ that thing? Where are you going? Why can't I help?"

"If you do this for me," our mother began, speaking as sincerely and kindly as she could, "you will be doing more for me than you could ever know. I need to go. Stay safe."

With that, to both my brother's and my disbelief, she had just vanished, off to fight the thing that was wrecking everything in sight. I'd noticed two tears slide their way down my brother's cheeks before he suddenly hardened his expression. He flashed me a quick, wobbly smile and then suddenly sped off in the opposite direction that our mother had. I recall looking back towards the destruction, subconsciously registering that that had been the first, and last, smile our mother had ever made since I'd become conscious of my surroundings. She reminded me of my sister, and was yet another person who had lost much due to circumstance and unfortunate situations. It was terrible thing to realize, though it took me some years to finally understand.

My brother had done as our mother requested, and taken me to the shelter. We were both young, so as soon as we'd made it, we were rushed in by some older people. Corralled like sheep, the two of us sat with an alarming number of other people who had no choice over their future, the same as us. I had heard babies crying galore, with their parents either shuddering with fear or brimming with barely reined anger. The children around my brother's age looked restless and discontent, understanding in part their situation, but still so very unaware. This left them looking very unsatisfied with just sitting around waiting for the older, better, stronger, faster people to do the hard work.

My brother and I had probably been at the shelter for maybe half an hour or so before he finally became fed up with just sitting around. The people coordinating the different refugees were so obviously overworked and stressed that they wouldn't have been able to keep track of all of the people who came in. In other words, they never would have noticed a young eight-year-old kid duck out of the bunker, intent on providing whatever help he could to our mother as well. And, he did leave me, though not without sparing me a small smile.

He had laid his hand down on my head and gently ruffled my hair.

"Hey there, little one," he whispered up at me as I'd just stared at him with wide eyes. "I have to go. I can't just sit here doing nothing. What would Sister say? Stay put. I'll be back soon."

Then, just like everyone else in my life by that point, he'd vanished.

I think I'd stayed there for the next few hours until the roaring finally came to a close and silence permeated through the area. I stayed silent in the middle of all those people, not moving or making a peep as a siren wailed, signaling an all-clear. Whatever had put us all in such danger had been dealt with. We were safe again, but there was no denying the evidence of what that monster had done. Even when the people at the bunker doors said people could leave without worry, no one budged, so frightened were they all. Eventually, the coordinators were able to coax out one person after another into the dead of the night, though there were a few of us children who never lifted a finger or bothered to welcome our hard-earned freedom. Although, just as the other families and adults had, those other children finally rose up and dragged their feet as they walked to meet their fate.

In the end, I was the only one left within the bunker, though I'd chosen not to move. My brother had told me to stay put. Nothing they did was going to make me do otherwise. When I persisted in ignoring the coordinators, even going so far as to throw a temper tantrum when they said I needed to leave, someone lost their patience and grabbed me off of the ground. I was forcibly taken out of the bunker outside under the beautifully bright full moon.

The second we stepped out, even my three-year-old mind could depict the damage wrought upon my hometown. Entire districts had been demolished, leaving many homeless and many, many more without their loving families. I'd discovered much later that my brother had indeed gone out to fight the demon, but just like several others, he lost his life almost immediately. My mother had fought with the best of them, but she didn't last long either after bidding us a good-bye.

All I had to remember each of them, my brother, sister, mother, and even father by, were their last parting smiles. Those smiles had gifted me with warmth and now my memory equated them with their deaths.

And then, hours after the demon had been dealt with, I stood in front of my house. The second story was missing part of its roof, and if I had been able to waddle over to see, I would've noticed that I could see a portion of the kitchen as clearly as ever. It was my home, but it wasn't, in a way. I don't think I quite understood this as I walked in through the open front door – something I could thank my brother very much for. I'm not quite sure how I got back considering that, once again, I was three, but regardless...

I'd pushed the door closed by leaning my full weight against it. When it clicked closed, I looked at the empty house with a chunk missing from it. The next few minutes went by in a blur as I walked away from the door and peered up over at the kitchen. I tilted my head to the side as the moonlight poured in but soon lost interest in it. I walked to the staircase, taking each step one at a time. The second floor, I realized upon reaching it, was only half there. My room, my brother's room, and part of my sister's room simply didn't exist anymore. There was nothing left.

I looked down at the remnants of the second story before heading straight across the hall into my parent's room. It was as pristine as ever, almost as if nothing had ever happened. It was both comforting and strange at the same time. As I'd walked across the room up to the enormous bed where my mother and father had slept in the off times that they had been home, I don't think it had hit me yet that there was really nothing left for me. I'd climbed up the covers – always tucked in tightly by my ever anal mother – and crawled across the bed to duck under the covers. That was the first night I had been left on my own. This may have been what caused me to remember everything I'd tucked away in the back of my mind after being born in this world.

The pain came the next morning.

With the unfortunate loss of every single member of my family and the traumatic event of the demon that had plagued my town, the gates of my mind opened wide with an outpouring of twenty-seven years of my previous life. With this information came an understanding of the world I'd lived in before, my high points and my mistakes both, and the eventual death leading to my reincarnation here. Actually, I couldn't remember exactly how I'd died, but as my life was suddenly cut short so abruptly, I can only assume.

Suddenly, it wasn't just my family in this world that I'd lost, but I'd lost my original mother, my friends, my job, and my future from before. I really didn't have anything left. I also could finally understand what had happened to me in my current world, and the bitterness that easily swept through me. I was three-years-old again, trapped in the world of a manga, with a realization that my life was about to get a lot worse.

I think I'd laid in the bed for another couple of hours, my small hands held up to my head as I stared up at the ceiling. I was three. There was no way I could support myself in any capacity. I couldn't even reach the top shelf of the refrigerator, and it wasn't healthy for someone so young to be without company, no matter how old I was mentally. At the moment, I didn't have access to the family funds or any means of taking care of myself. Unless I got some help somehow, I would be well on my way to a quick death of possible starvation.

My goal had been surprisingly clear to me. I had been hungry, but again, as I couldn't cook in my current form, I had to ignore the pangs of hunger as I walked back down the stairs and opened the front door. With the sunlight came a better understanding of all of the destruction. There were people bustling everywhere, trying to fix this and that and make the town, no – village, I corrected, a better place. No one paid me any attention until someone nearly tripped over the messy thing that I was.

I'd fallen flat onto the dirt road, my eyes immediately narrowing as I glanced up. I probably didn't look like the happiest baby girl ever, but that didn't really matter. The person I'd run into wasn't anyone of consequence, though they did ask me the pertinent questions of what I was doing there, where my family was, why I was alone, and so forth.

I'd been taken to the orphanage not much longer after that.

* * *

One and a half years or so passed like nothing bringing us right to the present. Unlike in other fanfiction, I didn't see fit to do much of anything.

Train? What for? I didn't know how to do anything. I'd dabbled in karate at some point in my life, but it wasn't as if that would help me now. Learn how to wield chakra? How? I'd been here for three years before my memories came spiraling back into my mind, and so living with chakra had become as old hat as breathing. Meet important characters? What was the point? I wasn't of any mind to become close to anyone after everything I'd already lost. I had no interest in making friends in a world where people died as easily as the flame of a candle.

I did read though. I read everything I could get my hands on. There was _nothing_ else to do. I didn't want to "play ninja" like the other kids. I'd already resigned myself to wanting to enter the academy. I'd learn how to be a ninja soon enough. I also never found coloring to be any fun, and trying to hop from tall walls without knowledge of how to land properly didn't sit well with me either.

Ah, one interesting thing that did happen was my meeting the main protagonist of the whole shebang: Naruto.

I honestly didn't think much of him. I wasn't fond of babies. I wasn't particularly sold on blonds. He cried all, of, the, time. He was also the most hyperactive runt I had ever known in my life. This is saying something, since I used to teach children for a living. Whatever sympathy I may have once had for this kid flew out the window the second he woke me up one day by screaming into my ear.

No, I didn't like Naruto. Thank God I was older than him.

Just like last year, and I'm sure, all of the years before, the Sarutobi Hiruzen, the big, bad Hokage himself, came to visit the orphanage. I'm sure it was partly just to check up on Naruto – the dick shouldn't have put the kid in the damn orphanage in the first place – as well as to ask us orphans if we wanted to be ninja. I think every one of us of age said yes. It was either become an academy student, or stay in the orphanage until we were fifteen or sixteen.

I wasn't interested in being a ninja because of how brilliant it sounded, but I wanted a way to ensure my survival. As a civilian, I would be limited to specific things, and unless I became a merchant, I would be restricted to the village. I also couldn't live my life without some kind of specific set path or goal to undertake. I needed structure in my life – that's something I'd sorely been lacking in both lives.

The Hokage looked at each of us with a proud smile until he noticed me. When he saw me, I'm pretty sure I know exactly what crossed his mind upon seeing my features. He frowned thoughtfully though kindly said nothing regardless.

"So you all want to become ninja, do you?"

All of the other children shouted out affirmatives in very loud voices, making me close my eyes and wish I had some ibuprofen to drink down. When he looked at me, I merely forced a smile to my lips as a way of answering. What could I say? I didn't _want_ to become one, but there was nothing else left for me out there.

He patted my head and I resisted the urge to slap the thing away.

"Then we must see that you become exactly that. Behind me, as I'm sure you can see, are several ninja who are here to help you with processing. Each one of them will work with you one-on-one to see that your needs are met. Is that all right?"

The other children stared up at the several chuunin waiting behind the Hokage with wide, starry eyes. While I was curious about who I might be paired with, if anyone at all, the Hokage never let up on his grip on my head. Apparently, he had different plans for me. I knew not what.

He kneeled in front of me, eyes searching my face as he said, "Are you sure you desire to become a ninja? It is an arduous path."

Pfft, as if a five-year-old would know the meaning of 'arduous'. Who are you fooling, dude? And why ask only me this question? You're being suspicious as fuck.

"I must become a ninja," I answered simply.

There was no need for me to say anything else. What else could I say?

He seemed to be somewhat unsatisfied with my answer but let it go. The Hokage stood up and beckoned that I follow him. He went to one of the nuns, spoke a few soft words, and then asked me if there was anything I wanted to take with me. When I shook my head no, he bid that I follow him outside of the orphanage. He walked down the street away from the orphanage towards the Hokage Tower and I looked back to see the other kids talking animatedly with the various chuunin. A feeling of resentment swirled in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't even go through normal due process in becoming an academy student.

I'd considered myself quite lucky in my previous life, but this life had been filled with one disappointment after another. I was not particularly happy with my situation. And in addition to that, why were we going all the way to the tower? No, this did not bode well for me at all.

With how slow I walk, it took us half an hour to make it to the tower, up its many steps, and into the man's office. He left me to stand awkwardly in the middle of the room before leaving again. I stared at the closed door with a confused frown. I couldn't understand for the life of me why I was there.

Twenty minutes later, he came back in and moseyed over to his desk where he promptly sat down.

"Well, isn't this a joyous occasion?"

I stared at him with the most confused expression I could muster.

He smiled. "Unlike the others, I could not assign you a chuunin for temporary partner, due to your odd situation."

I gathered.

He seemed to lose his smile some as I continued to stay silent. "If it is truly your desire to become a ninja, I will not stand in your way. Rather, I appreciate your passion and interest in demonstrating your Will of Fire."

I'm sure there's a point somewhere here, but I'm not seeing it.

"Under normal circumstances, orphaned academy students would be set up with low-funded apartment housing that would be paid for by the village until you either became a genin or were sent back to the orphanage upon failure to achieve that status."

Yes, and the clincher would be...?

"It has come to my attention that you lost both your parents and brother through tragic means. What would you say if I told you that you have an older sister still alive? I wonder if you would even recall her? You were so young."

Ah. Ahhhh. I get it.

My lack of excitement seemed to take him by surprise. What could I say? Even if I were happy to realize my sister was indeed alive, I was far too resentful and bitter over what had taken place. If I hadn't gained my previous memories, well, that'd be something else entirely. I probably _would_ be ecstatic to know someone from my family was still alive. But at the moment, I just couldn't care less.

A knock sounded at the door with a muffled, "Hokage-sama."

"Ah, that would be her now," the Hokage said before directing in a clear voice, "Enter."

The door swung open and, oh, yep, there she was.

Her purple hair was obvious with the lighting, and her caramel brown eyes never even glanced my way as she walked to the center of the room. She bowed her head before looking up.

"You called for me, Hokage-sama?"

I stared up at her, unsure of how to interpret my emotions. After the flood of memories coming back to me, I'd known that she was alive. I'd known, but I'd figured I just wouldn't see her again. After all, I was an oddity in this world. I wasn't even supposed to exist. Besides, I wasn't sure how to feel about her. She'd been mind-fucked in every possible way, and couldn't possibly be of sound mind at the moment. Plus, I don't think she even recalled her life prior to that entire ordeal.

"Have you become reacquainted with the village, Anko?"

Mitarashi Anko ducked her head down slightly with a small frown. "I will be fine, Hokage-sama."

The old man nodded his head thoughtfully before gesturing to me. "As you can see, I currently have another visitor here with me."

It was then that she turned her gaze upon me, eyes hard as steel and a her lips pressed tightly together. I think that if I had mentally been five-years-old, I might've been frightened of what I saw, though all I could honestly think was that no teenager should be able to look as weary as she did.

Every single part of this young woman was closed off to other people. Nothing in her expression suggested she was even human and she looked like she'd labored through hell. While I clearly remember in my mind and heart the young girl who had shown me nothing but kindness and felt like a warm balm on my – then – young soul, all I felt at the moment was a distinct coldness and unruly silence that pierced my heart like an arrow. I was torn between feeling terrible for her and feeling angry at her for leaving me behind.

I almost wanted to say she deserved every injustice she had been dealt for trusting that snake of a man, but knowing how much she had cared for me as a baby, I couldn't. I couldn't. I just couldn't, and damn it, I hated myself for it. I was an adult. I should've been able to ignore certain things to suit my immediate needs, but all I remembered was that soft, gentle smile she'd always given me.

I felt tears spring to my eyes, unbidden, and quickly turned away. What a terrible feeling.

I could feel her still watching me carefully, taking in my own appearance. While the purple hair might've given me away as a relation, my hazel-blue eyes would've tripped up anyone. There was no denying the family resemblance though. It was there, as denotable as ever.

"Hokage-sama?" she questioned, sounding unsure.

The Hokage leaned forward in his chair a bit, his hands clasped in front of him.

"Unless I'm mistaken, you have just recently been cleared for duty by the T&I, have you not?"

Anko slid her gaze down to look at me again before answering, "Yes, Hokage-sama. I am ready to receive whatever missions you would have me complete."

"Then, allow me to assign you your next mission, Anko."

The words had the young woman straightening up perceptibly and she promptly ignored me.

"Yes sir."

He spared me a wink, and I could barely repress the revulsion I felt from it.

"You are to, from this day forward until the day she is capable of taking care of herself, care for and protect this young woman. Consider this an A-Ranked mission."

To say Anko was stunned was something of an understatement, though I could hardly blame her. The old man made it sound so much more important than it actually was.

"Why is this child so important, Hokage-sama?"

"Her name is Mitarashi Hotaru, your younger sister. I'm sure you understand why you're really the only one capable of handling this task."

I was somewhat impressed that Anko hadn't flown into some kind of emotional rage or something. No, she just froze up completely, as if she couldn't process his words. Her eyes flashed back to look me up and down before slowly turning back to her boss.

"Me, Hokage-sama?" Her voice sounded so weak, and not at all reminiscent of the woman I'd seen in the manga and anime.

"Who else but you should take care of your family?"

"But, I..." She seemed to struggle to come up with the appropriate words. "Are you certain that I should...? I mean, my previous history..."

Hiruzen smiled softly at the flummoxed kunoichi. "You have lost your memories and every sense of your identity. Your sister has lost every part of structure she may have had with the loss of your family. You both have pieces of you that need healing, and sometimes, only time and family can accomplish that. Do you accept or reject the mission I have assigned you thusly?"

I chose not to meet her gaze when she sent me another quick glance. I could only imagine how troubled she was by her new plight. Were I her, I'd be incredibly hesitant as well. Unfortunately, with how shitty of a person I am, I probably would've told the child to survive on his or her own because living with me would be a terrible experience. If I had been mind-fucked as many times as Anko, that would've been even worse. No, I'd say no.

"I understand," Anko said hesitantly. "I accept."

I turned my gaze to her, narrowing my eyes with suspicion. What was she playing at? Was she seriously considering taking me on top of all of her other responsibilities? She'd be busy with mission after mission, and I'd become a part of the background like before. It made no sense for her to agree to something like this.

Part of me just wanted her to suffer some more on her own and not bring me into it further. But, then again, part of me just wanted that piece of familiarity back for selfish reasons. I wanted to have some semblance of a family again, instead of walking home to an empty, cold house like the day of the attack. In part, I never wanted to see her again, but then again, I felt like all I desired was just to see that wonderful, warm smile she'd given me that all those days ago.

Hell, I obviously didn't know what I wanted.

"Good," the Hokage said with some finality, interrupting my thought process. "I will give you a brief period of absence from other missions while you and Hotaru reacquaint yourselves with one another. Ensure that she is ready to begin school next month and that she understands what's to come in the future. My advice to you, Anko, is that you allow yourself some respite and to simply enjoy living. There is always time for doubting yourself later. For now, just try to live."

I saw her become slightly determined and she nodded slowly.

"Very well then. You are both dismissed."

Anko looked at me and seemed to hesitate again. Her hand twitched before tightening into a fist. Obviously, she wasn't sure where she stood with me, and while she wanted to try and display some kind of affection, she just didn't know _how_.

I solved the issue by simply bowing my head to the old man, turning around, and leaving her standing awkwardly as I left the office. This was probably wrong of me, but damn it, I didn't know how to act around her either. To me, she was a fictional character. She didn't exist. She meant nothing. And yet, she meant everything. I remember the taste of her home-cooked meals, and the soft lull of her voice whenever she read my brother and I a story. I remember how excited she had been upon graduating from the academy only to become a student of _the_ legendary Orochimaru. I remembered all of this, but I kept having conflicting thoughts.

Damn, maybe I was more fucked up than she was. This couldn't be a good idea.

When I heard the sound of the doors closing, I turned back to see Anko looking thoughtfully behind her. She turned to me and I saw a flash of concern and confusion show up in her expression before she quickly schooled her features. She and I stood looking at one another like that for a short while, the Hokage's secretary staring at us with a soft frown the entire time.

Anko turned away from me to clear her throat before making eye contact once again. Her lips were turned into an awkward, forced smile.

"Shall we then, Hotaru?"

Something in me plummeted upon hearing her say my name. I don't know what it was.

No, this wasn't a good idea at all.

"Sure."

* * *

Admit it. Had you not seen the character tag, you wouldn't have known it was Anko, would you have? Yeah. Comments, questions? Let me know.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two. Enjoy.

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The walk from the Hokage Tower down towards the shopping district was a long, quiet one. Anko couldn't move too quickly because I was five and incapable of running that fast for all that long a time. So, we maintained a pace I could keep up with without dying, though I could see her muscles tightening with each step we took through the military district. The second other shinobi saw her, their faces would darken bit by bit with their eyes following after with every step. Some shinobi would gather in twos and threes and stand on the side of the street, like enforcers guarding their land. Other shinobi had enough courage to shout out some obscenities, saying she should have stayed with her lover instead of coming back with her tail between her legs.

I'm sure that particular man had been from the Inuzuka clan.

None of them were dumb enough to overtly antagonize her physically, but with how overbearing their anger was, I found myself hard-pressed to stay calm. It felt like the air was a thick cloud of billowing anger, with crashing thunder and flashing lightning. It began to encircle me, pushing and prodding at my every weakness to the point that I started to have trouble breathing at times. Sometimes I would just suddenly forget that I needed to breathe to survive, so terrible was the horrible sensation. I felt like I was going to die from fear alone, yet I knew I wasn't. I knew I wasn't even the target, but I couldn't help how scared I became. These people were all accomplished killers. I was five. I didn't have a chance.

I was going to die.

I was going to die.

I'm dying.

Someone help me.

I –

A hand fell gently on my head and a feeling of serenity and tranquility suddenly swept over me, washing away the fear, and I found myself able to breathe again. My heart stopped pounding so hard and I was able to wipe away the sweat that had formed on my hands. Everything seemed so happy and shiny and like there were little kittens and butterflies everywhere in comparison to my previous hell. I smiled giddily and looked up at Anko who hadn't yet pulled away her hand, and just like that, I no longer felt like smiling.

Anko's face was shrouded in anger and a malice that I couldn't feel myself. Her cold, steely eyes focused on each ninja that had insulted her, though I got the feeling she wasn't mad at them for doing so. No, she didn't hate them. She would never hate her fellow villagers.

I felt a light bulb flicker on in my head and wanted to slap myself.

Killing intent. For the first time, I had felt the killing intent of a killer, and it felt every bit as hellacious as I feared it might. I honestly felt like I would plop down and die right there, but Anko had saved me from that humiliating ordeal. She wasn't particularly happy now though, which made me feel pretty crappy. She shifted her cold gaze to look at me, and the second she saw that I was no longer a shivering pile of ooze, her hand immediately retracted from my head. Anko looked ready to leave this district, and I couldn't say that I wasn't of the same opinion.

The both of us walked a little faster with me sticking as close to her as I possibly could without cramping her style. It was not beneath me to cower behind someone who was stronger than me. Actually, I would've been dumber to do anything otherwise, like relying on pride to see me through everything. There was a time and a place, and this was the time for cowering like a simpleton.

It wasn't until we hit the shopping district that Anko finally slowed her pace, and I was left breathing in and out like I'd run a marathon. Maybe I should have played that ninja game, if only to harden my constitution and increase my cardio a bit. Her glance back at me was fleeting and I could see that she was less than impressed.

Well, fuck you, too, woman.

We walked by one store after another until she finally directed me towards a particular clothing store. I think she knew the owner and that he wouldn't shunt her. As she opened the door for me to go in, I heard the sound of bells jingling to signal our entrance. I took one look up at the bells before turning my attention elsewhere. I turned back to look at Anko, but she just waved me on and took up a post at the register. I guess that meant she had little to no interest in helping me pick out clothes.

I don't even know why I was surprised. I should have expected as much.

Even if it did hurt somewhere deep inside of me.

I turned back around, taking in a deep breath as I set to accomplish my task as quickly as I could without wasting too much time. I looked up at each clothing rack I saw, my eyes passing over one article after another. There were a lot of fishnet shirts and skirts, though I couldn't say I was sold on them. Only certain people could pull off that kind of look. Of course, considering how well-endowed my mother had been and how beautiful Anko would be in the future, I knew I didn't have too much to concern myself over, but I still wasn't interested, so I passed them by without another glance back.

I came up to a different rack some ways down and looked at some of the simplest shirts I could find. They had high collars but were otherwise thin and looked easy enough to move in. The material felt kind of synthetic and I quickly found there were some reserved for cooler days and warmer days. Well, I was essentially buying a new wardrobe and so needed to make sure I had a few in reserve just in case something went awry, and in this world, something was always bound to.

I grabbed a few of both kinds, each shirt in darker hues to fit my personality. I had nothing against pink, but I didn't want to wear something that would hurt my eyes. Plus, ninjas were all about blending in, right?

I juggled the shirts onto one arm and zoomed straight for the vests that I saw. Vests usually had pockets and I loved pockets. I picked up the first black one that I found, though I wasn't sure what to make of the silver lining. I meant that literally, by the way. The vest had silver lining all up and down it, which was fine. I liked that color, too. I chose one more vest – this one had blue lining? – just in case, and ended up trying to toss them over my shoulder.

I felt like I was getting buried under clothing. I still had to buy a bunch of pants and I didn't think myself capable of carrying all of them, and –

The two vests vanished from my right hand, leaving me grasping at the air dumbly. I looked left and right with a tinge of confusion before looking up and behind me. Ah.

Anko stood a few paces away from me – how was she so fast, and why so far away? – holding the vests that had mysteriously disappeared from my hand. I continued to stare at her with slight frown, unsure of how to interpret her behavior. Had she tired of waiting for me and come to rush me along, or was she simply trying to ease my burden? After a few moments of more staring, she met my gaze with narrowed eyes as if to say "hurry up". At least, that's how I read the expression anyway.

Fine. I hadn't thought I'd been browsing for very long. It wasn't like I'd ever been in this kind of store before, and I wasn't the type to be too, too picky about clothing. I just didn't know when I'd have the opportunity to come back. I looked at the clothing left in my arms, gritted my teeth and walked towards her. One of her eyebrows rose as I neared, but I only shoved my remaining clothing at her before walking away. I didn't bother looking back to see her expression, though I'll bet that as long I hurried my ass along, she wouldn't have too much of a problem being my pack mule.

I marched over to the pants section, perusing as fast as I could and automatically reaching out to grab the few sets of cargo pants I could find. I didn't want to wear skin-tight outfits because, again, I wanted pockets. Plus, these had a chakra line embedded in halfway down the pants leg. I inspected the chakra line – I'd never seen one before. If I were to consider this logically, it probably necessitated that a person extract the chakra from the pants which would detach the lower part from the upper and voila, shorts. Conversely, a person would reattach it once again via imbuing chakra and it would seal just like that. It was convenient, and if I ever – please God, no – caught on fire, this would be an easy way to get rid of the problem and allow me a quick escape. Logically speaking, of course.

I felt Anko looming in again and anger swirled within me. I was moving as fast as I could.

I turned to glare back at her and she merely stared back at me, no other emotion present on her face. That struck a chord in me somewhere once again. All of sudden, Anko turned her gaze away, but before she could back up, I tossed the few pairs of pants I'd found at her and walked away. There was nothing more I needed in this store and I was determined not to spend any more time near that woman than necessary, so I left.

I was acting childishly, but I felt as if she had silently been judging me by my inability to choose in an efficient manner. I folded my arms over my chest and scowled, looking every bit the petulant child that I was.

If Anko had said in any way that we had a deadline, or that she wanted to hurry up... If she had vocalized that, I would have just grabbed any old shirt and pair of pants and beat a quick and hasty retreat out of the store. It's just...she never said a word. I didn't know what she wanted. I couldn't understand why she glared at me one moment and then looked at me blankly the next. I couldn't understand why she'd acted as if we had all the time in the world when we originally entered the store and then was suddenly on my heels halfway through my shopping spree.

I was more irritated because I just didn't know what was going on. I needed some form of communication, but she wasn't giving me any leeway whatsoever. It fell on me to figure things out, but I was, admittedly, somewhat terrified of what she would do if I demanded answers or questioned her intentions, so I stayed silent.

My shoulders slumped down some. I...I hated this. For some reason, I suppose I'd thought that somewhere along the way, we'd just forget that barrier between us and it would be smooth sailing or something. Or, at the very least, I thought she would at least start up some kind of communication, like asking how I felt about starting school, or how I felt about suddenly reuniting with family. I guess that's just what I'd hoped would happen. I really wanted this to work out, but once again, I felt as if this was just a bad idea and was getting worse with each passing second. We had so little in common anymore, and she'd been through so much. The best I could do would be to support her, but she was so prideful, I doubted that she would even accept any sympathy from me, no matter how well-intentioned it was. I wouldn't be able to blame her either if she chose not acknowledge anything from me. I wouldn't accept such an empty kindness from anyone else either.

Anko came out of the store with a large bag full of my clothing, and I turned around sullenly to take it from her hands, but she just walked away from me and down the street, leaving me looking like a fool. I could feel my face scrunch up in slight disappointment. I hadn't meant to anger her. I sighed again and followed after her into a shoe store.

I didn't care about the shoes – there was essentially only one type, and there was no way in hell I was going to attempt to fight in heels. I listlessly picked a couple pairs of black sandals and gently placed them on the counter. If Anko noticed any kind of change in me, she didn't make it obvious. I watched her pay for the sets of shoes, take the next bag in her hands, and then lead me out of the store.

We walked past a few more shops before she motioned for me to stop in front of one. She moved to walk into the shop and when I tried to follow, she gave me a glare that froze me in my tracks. I backed away unconsciously and she went in by herself. I turned around to look up and down the street, my hands in my pockets as I watched kids frolic in the streets, playing with their friends and siblings without a care in the world.

For a second, I was reminded of my brother, Aniki, and all of the times he would play with me as happily. I hadn't been able to do much other than to follow him, gurgling happily, but he still showed an infinite patience with me. He never judged me or anything. He was the epitome of family for me, with unconditional love, but now he was gone.

I shouldn't have been as sad as I was, what with having a living, breathing sibling only a few feet away from me, but at the moment, I felt like she couldn't be further unless she traveled to a distant planet. We were estranged. I wasn't sure I had the willpower or ability to make us whole again.

I was again reminded of the temperate, kind older sister I had been blessed with. I couldn't get her out of my mind; the contrast was mind-boggling for me. I dearly wanted to see her happy again, smiling without a care in the world.

Something cold slipped down around my neck, sharply bringing me out of musings. I refocused on the present and Anko who was kneeling down in front of me. Her eyes seemed to search my widened ones before she turned her gaze away, though she didn't move from her position before me.

I continued staring before palming the whatever she had put around my neck. There were a number of them and they seemed to hum with chakra and there was some kind of seal infused into them. I wasn't sure what to make of them. I looked blankly at her again for some kind of explanation, though I doubted she'd supply me with one so readily.

"They're chakra bombs," she murmured softly, her gaze still turned away. "If you push chakra into the seal and throw them, they'll explode with a diffusion of chakra."

My first thought was that that was kind of cool. My next was that I thought she was insane for giving a five-year-old explosives, but hey, they handled dangerous weapons on a normal basis, so why not? My last one just wondered why I was given it in the first place.

I stared at her questioningly, my head tilting to one side to belie my confusion, but she only stood up, choosing not to acknowledge me further. Her hand rested gently on my head for a few seconds.

"Happy birthday," was the only thing she said before walking away, and I was once again left standing in the middle of the street without an inkling of what to say or do.

I watched her walk away, feeling both happiness and guilt start to swell within me. I didn't know what to say, but I knew that if she hadn't turned around and walked away, I might have let a few tears escape my eyes. I bit down on my lower lip to keep it from trembling and forced myself to calm down. The necklace of chakra bombs slapped back against my chest.

With a deep intake of breath, I followed after her.

* * *

That night, Anko fixed supper for me and made nikujyaga. I don't know how she knew it was my favorite dish, or if she had somehow remembered that little detail, but I couldn't help but stare at the meal. My right had trembled beside my chopsticks as I looked down at it. It smelled just like how she used to make it when I had finally been able to eat whole food. The smell of soy sauce, a touch of sugar, caramelized onions, thinly sliced meat, the delicious taste of mirin... It was perfect.

I didn't want to eat it. I felt like if I tried to take a bite, it would suddenly disappear and I'd be forced to realize I had dreamt up everything – her return, living together with her, receiving a birthday present from her, everything.

She glanced up from her own meal, eyebrows knit together.

"Do you not like nikujyaga?" she asked softly, as if speaking any louder would disturb something.

"It's my favorite meal," I replied honestly, without emotion.

Neither one of us said anything after that and simply enjoyed our meal.

We were currently back at her _new_ apartment after a long couple of days of shopping and moving items. She hadn't had any room for me at her previous apartment, so we'd had to seek out someplace new so I'd have a bedroom of my own as well. I think she'd been irritated because the previous landlord had demanded she pay for the full contract's worth. Anko's reply, though I hadn't been able to see it much to my disappointment, had been the thrust of a kunai before she'd gotten right in the guy's face and told him...something. I wish I'd heard. The guy was practically pissing his pants when we left.

He'd even allotted us a few of his men to help with the move. That was kind of him. I kind of wished she'd pushed him to actually going potty right then and there.

After moving all of her items, we'd had to go out and buy me a bed, and a desk, and a dresser, and any other little knickknacks I might've needed... It had been a pretty exhausting experience as far as I'd been concerned, though Anko had taken everything in stride. I think moving all the furniture helped ease some of her anger from dealing with the stupid landlord.

So now, we were eating what was our first official meal in her – our – new apartment. I looked around a bit as I ate. It didn't have much but the absolute necessities. A couch, a kitchen table, kitchen goods, a square carpet for resting on... It didn't feel homey yet, but more like someplace a person just goes to sleep and rest. It felt cold, but there was no reason to expect anything more than that. It was sufficient and I was satisfied. Maybe if I got some money, I'd buy her something to spice things up a bit. No doubt she'd absolutely love that. Please note the sarcasm here.

I was finished with my meal before I knew it, though I did look into the pan on the stove as I went to put my dish in the sink just to see if there was any left over. There wasn't. I was a little put out by this.

Anko gave me free reign to take a shower before her as she set to washing the dishes. I frowned a bit. That was something I wouldn't allow further – if she was going to cook, then I needed to be the one to clean. Hell, I should've been the one cleaning and cooking everything since she was paying for the apartment, but I wasn't going to push her for that tonight. I'd be a good, little girl and take my shower. We could argue or silently glare at each other later.

I didn't like the idea of taking a bath, so I never, ever filled the tub with water if I could manage it, but I had a feeling Anko needed to de-stress a bit after such an annoying day of carting around a kid everywhere. It took so much longer to do things with me around, I could tell, but I didn't have any control over that. There was little else she could do with me, and there hadn't been a single moment – even when she'd gone into the store alone, I'm sure – that I'd been away from her mindful eye or out of her range of protection. If nothing else, she took her job seriously.

Thinking back on it, I wonder if that had been why she had suddenly appeared behind me in the clothes store. The clothes racks had been taller than me, so she might not have seen me at all. It was worth consideration.

I finished filling the tub with hot water and covered it with the large piece of hard plastic to keep it nice and hot. I then quickly took my shower, washed my hair, and made sure my body was squeaky clean.

It felt good to have nice, hot running water again. The orphanage had made sure our basic needs were met, but it was never as blissful as this. I paused in washing my hair to think on that a bit more. Anko had made damn sure I was comfortable but never really invaded my personal bubble much unless absolutely necessary. I was starting to grow irritated with myself for my childish tantrum the day before, but I can't help but think she confuses the hell out of me.

It's taken me a full two days of constant watching to get a hang of her basic mannerisms, and I'm pretty sure she feels I'm just a client to deal with. But, I also sense some sort of confusion hanging about her. She didn't know what the hell to do with me. She didn't know where I stood, so she didn't know where to stand with me. It felt like Anko was tiptoeing around eggshells with me, and it annoyed me, because I was doing the exact same with her. I didn't know if she would somehow lash out at me or finally get fed up with me, so I never challenged. I never chose to speak to her. I was genuinely afraid of her.

I wasn't afraid of her because she had been Orochimaru's student, no. I was afraid because I didn't know what I would do if I had to face that sort of rejection from her. She hadn't pushed me away completely yet, but she hadn't accepted me yet either, so we were at a standstill. I was afraid that something would push that balance of whack in a bad way, and I was afraid I would be the one to do so.

Damn it, I've just been on one heck of an emotional rollercoaster lately.

I got out of the shower room, quickly drying myself off and putting on a t-shirt and shorts to wear to bed. After hitting the restroom, I walked back to the living room once more to say good-night but I stood stock-still when I saw Anko at the kitchen table, her head in her right hand. Her shoulders were slumped over slightly and if I was too be entirely honest, she looked completely worn down, tired, broken. She was a shell of her previous self, and she knew it well. She also knew that she could never go back to how she used to be – she was too broken.

All of this I took in as I saw her small form curled in on itself. My greeting died at my lips and I looked down at the ground. There was nothing I could say and I couldn't intrude on this personal moment.

I went straight to my room and got into bed as silently as I could.

The nightmares began that night.

I think that with everything that had happened to me and just with how slipshod my life at the orphanage had been, I'd never had time to really concentrate on what had occurred two years previously. I'd never been relaxed enough for my mind to just settle and bring to the forefront all of my fears and terrors. I had been stunned into silence and stark disbelief the night the Kyuubi had attacked, so much that I couldn't recall the attack whatsoever without feeling absolutely numb to it.

So, when I closed my eyes and was suddenly standing frozen as a toddler in the midst of all the destruction as the Kyuubi turned its fierce, malicious, evil gaze upon me, I didn't know what to do. I was once again three-years-old with no way of running away, or without the ability to protect myself. In the back of my mind, I could hear myself mutter something about this being similar to being caught in a Tsukuyomi, with my fears constantly plaguing me on an endless repeat. The Kyuubi would open its mouth and I could see the ball of black chakra form before it would shoot out in bullets straight at me.

Then, out of nowhere, my mother would jump in front of me and protect me as a bullet encompassed her and incinerated her. My terror grew as my brother came next, his will stronger than ever as he leapt in front of me, arms wide as he, too, fell to the beast. I knew the dream was pulling on older memories within my mind, as my father, to my surprise, suddenly appeared and tried to stave off the next attack. He never stood a chance as his body turned to ash and floated away.

Then, to my ultimate horror, I saw my sister, the nine-year-old Anko, standing stubbornly in front of me, silently supporting and shielding me. My mouth wouldn't move, nor would my fingers even twitch. It was as if I were frozen in place like an icicle, unable to affect any of the world around me. The nine-year-old Anko turned around slightly and I saw her smile softly, just as she always had. She then faded away just like everyone else. The ten- and eleven-year-old Anko came next, before the present fourteen-year-old one slid in front of me with soothing confidence and a will stronger than any other. She, too, never once moved away from me, silently meeting her fate without a complaint.

I think the thing that hurt me the most and made me scream for everything to stop was when she looked back at me and there was nothing to see. She had no expression to take mention of, nothing to say that she was scared or proud to do what she was doing. It was like she wasn't even there, not really. She was just a shell, doing what she was ordered.

I didn't want this.

I didn't want her to die.

I didn't want anyone to die.

 _Why do you have to die?_

The dream continued on repeat on and on until it just as suddenly stopped, as if nothing had happened.

My eyes opened to the darkness of the night at that point, and my face was wet with the tears I cried as I'd dreamt. I could feel my entire body trembling with abject fear and my right hand raised to cover my face as I began to sob as quietly as I could.

I froze again, just like in my dream, when I felt something squeeze my left hand tightly before relaxing just as quickly. My eyes shifted to my side where Anko laid sleeping, her head resting on the bed and her hand gripping mine for support. She never opened her eyes – she was dead asleep, but her hand still gripped mine every time I shuddered involuntarily.

I looked at her through my tears and bit my bottom lip.

I hated showing her this weakness of mine. I hated being afraid. I hated having reasons to be afraid.

I turned my palm up and slowly, hesitatingly, enclosed my fingers around her hand. Her fingers automatically cupped around my hand tighter with a firm grip, though she never once awoke.

At first, I hadn't been sure if it had been a good idea to touch her, or whether it would have been better if I'd pulled out of her grasp. However, when I saw her taut expression smooth out and her breathing steady, I found myself looking up at the ceiling, my eyes closing slowly.

It wasn't much, but this would do for now.

* * *

Let me know you like it, or, uh, don't like it. Whichever.


	3. Chapter 3

It's when you start writing a story in mind with yourself as a feature character that you start to realize what kind of person you really are. As for me, I'm a damn whiny, lazy lout. This isn't news, but hurts the same.

* * *

I stared into the mirror, squinting my eyes. Running a hand through my hair, I realized I hadn't cut it even once over the years and was determined to change that today. I didn't think I'd look very good with long hair, so it was with little remorse that I held up a pair of scissors in my hand, striking a pose as I readied them. Should I go for a cropped cut, or maybe a bob? I used to wear a bob in my previous life, but I don't think it would've looked good on me in my new body. Hm, I already looked like a boy as it was, what with having no boobs whatsoever, so why not make myself a little more adrogynous and go for a nice, short hairstyle? I was excited to try something new. This was the start of my new life after all.

The first week ended with every day much along the lines of the first two: get up, go somewhere with Anko to prep me for school, go out to eat for lunch, go somewhere else that was somehow important for my future, then finally go home, eat, relax, and go to bed. I hadn't thought I'd need _so much stuff_ , but getting ready for school here was nearly the same as getting ready for school back in my world.

I needed scrolls, brushes, ink, a bag to carry everything in, school books bought from the school, a cuff that had the school's symbol on it for special occasions, a fancy academy suit for the entrance ceremony, a list of the year's curriculum plus a syllabus, a list of all of those attending. Anko also saw fit to buy me a set of practice shuriken, kunai, training exploding tags – instead of killing you, they simply caused a small first degree burn – and some training gloves. The gloves weren't particularly heavy duty, but I wasn't allowed to use them until I'd accustomed myself to throwing all my weapons.

Seeing that I'd "learnt" how to read at a fairly decent level – and damn straight I could read. I lived in Japan before somehow kicking the bucket, so I'd damn well better be able to read at a kindergartner's level – Anko also bought me scrolls and books detailing chakra theory, how it associated with one's body, and the basic understanding of how to execute the simplist jutsu: the kawarimi, henge, and bunshin techniques.

We'd bought so many things that I felt like I was drowning within all of the mess that had accumulated in my room. Besides that, Anko was all about preparation, which must have been a basic foundation to her personality, something she couldn't change. I appreciated her passion on the matter, but I'm pretty sure most of the things could have waited until later in the year. Well, I suppose buying them all at once would eliminate a need for a last-minute rush, so I guess it was okay.

I only had a few more days left before school started. The placement exam was today, and I wanted to make the best entrance possible. If that meant that for once in my life I needed to preen and prep myself accordingly, then so be it. This day would never come again.

I opened and closed the scissors a couple of times before lifting them to my hair.

I probably shouldn't have been surprised when my wrist was grasped firmly and the sharp tool taken away. I frowned and looked behind me at Anko who was now holding the object.

"You're still here?" I asked bluntly.

"I obviously am," came the reply. "What do you think you're doing?"

"As if you couldn't guess," I snarked. "I was about to cut my hair. Is that a problem?"

Anko just raised an eyebrow, still keeping the scissors out of my reach. I pressed in on her to try to get them back, but she just pushed a hand against my forehead, keeping me away with little effort. Her brown eyes looked first to the scissors before looking down at me. A sigh escaped her lips.

"Turn around."

I stared blankly at her. This was a first. She had never audibly indicated that she'd wanted to help me in any shape or form before, as if it was too difficult or too much of a pain. It was something of a surprise to see, but I wasn't going to turn her down when she'd managed the courage to offer her assistance.

I turned back around obediently, shivering slightly when her hand sifted through my hair gently. She tilted my head one way after another before inquiring,

"How short do you want it?"

Her expression was completely serious as she made eye contact with me through the mirror. I grinned.

"Make me look like the best looking boy possible."

Anko's eyes widened slightly before a fleeting smirk crossed her own face as she leaned in near me.

"With our genetics, that's hardly a challenge. Just give me a second."

She stood back up and I began to hear one snip after another as she began cutting off chunks of my hair. Her hands were light and painstakingly careful as she maneuvered around my head, eyes completely focused on her task. Anko blew off some hair from my shoulder and I involuntarily jumped, surprised at the puff of air that suddenly made contact with my skin. I glared at her reflection and saw another smirk make its way across her face before it disappeared just as quickly.

"I thought you started work today," I muttered, both happy and annoyed that I was the source of her amusement.

"In about twenty minutes," she replied distractedly. She was almost done with my hair.

I tried shifting my head a bit but Anko forced it back into position. "Ugh. Shouldn't you try to get there early on the first day?"

"A shunshin will get me there in two."

"Going for the grand entrance? I'll bet Morino-san will absolutely love that."

"Shut up."

I'm so glad we've graduated to the talking stage, even if neither of us had much to say on the matter. There were just some things we couldn't get done without conversing about, so we only dealt with topics that had little to no significance in the long run. I never asked questions about her personally, her time with Orochimaru, her memory, or anything that could be construed as personal territory. In return, she didn't ask me about our family, my plans or intentions, my chosen path for the future, or how I was too aware of my surroundings for a five-year-old. We had moved forward a few steps only to become stagnant once again. It wasn't a terrible stagnation, since we were at least talking, but we were still at a standstill. I suppose I should only feel so lucky that we managed that much.

The scissors drifted away from my head as Anko took a step back. I peered into the mirror, my eyebrows raised high as I looked at the new me. It wasn't anything too fancy. The hair on the sides and back of my head were cut as close to the scalp as Anko could manage, with the crown of my head having the most hair at all. I fluffed up the hair I had left over and asked her if she could cut it in a jagged, forward style.

The moment she did, I turned around and, suffice to say, lost myself and quickly wrapped my arms around her for a hug. I couldn't help it, and I wanted to show the joy I felt inside in a physical manner. I realized my mistake immediately when she grew rigid and pushed me away, expression slightly panicked before all emotion fled from her face. Without another word, she handed me back the pair of scissors and stiffly walked out of the bathroom. Not a word of good-bye was said as I heard the door of the apartment open and close with a sense of finality.

"Shit," I murmured, staring down at the scissors in my hand. There went a nice, family moment, all because I wanted a stupid hug.

I'd forgotten that I shouldn't have bothered.

I'd forgotten that I'd forgotten.

I clucked my tongue as I walked out of the bathroom and put the scissors inside the drawer of the end table near the couch. I did an about face to go to the closet down the hallway and take a broom out. I didn't have much time before I needed to be at the academy, but I wasn't going to leave this mess for later. If Anko happened to come back before I did for whatever reason and saw the mess, I wasn't sure what she would do to me. Maybe tie me to my bed and force me to starve for a day? There was no way for me to know for sure.

As I swept up all my hair – why had I had so much damn hair? – I thought about the previous few weeks. I'd grown used to having Anko around. The first couple of weeks, including the one where I'd first moved in with her, we didn't speak to one another at all. The apartment was always silent and somewhat cold. She would take over the kitchen table and use it to prepare for the new tasks she would be given with the T&I unit and then stay there for hours at a time each day. Aside from showing me what we'd be having for our meals and a quick glance here and there to make sure I wasn't destroying the expensive apartment, she never bothered to acknowledge me.

It was a given then, that when she was busy, I couldn't venture outside. As such, since she poured over her preparation from early in the morning to almost evening every single day, I never went outside. I might as well have continued to live at the orphanage – I still didn't have a clue of what the real Konoha looked like aside of the few districts and she and I went to for buying my supplies.

I didn't sit around doing nothing, though. If I was going to be stuck inside, I was going to study myself. I would go to my room and lay down one theory scroll after another, and just try to memorize the information written on each one. It oddly reminded me of the times I'd actually bothered to study for classes at the university, which was rare. This wasn't due solely to laziness and procrastination – I hadn't normally needed to. Linguistic classes are normally fairly easy, or so I'd like to argue.

There was one thing that I'd discovered for certain, and it was that these scrolls were not meant for five-year-olds to read. It had vocabulary that befit an older teenager or a younger adult, and the diagrams were at times difficult to wrap my head around. I often went to bed without food because my head hurt too much from focusing on difficult terminology in a different language.

I started in on the tutorials for how to find my chakra and start honing it properly after that. It was surprisingly simple thanks to looking at the theories behind it all. I wasn't climbing walls or anything, but I could easily bring the glowing energy to the forefront and let it pool haphazardly in my hands or just let it ooze out of my body wastefully. In any case, I couldn't count on anyone but myself to ensure that I understood what I was doing. Anko would never have attempted to help me at all, I was sure. At least, at the time, I'd be certain.

Unfortunately the first time she'd paid me any attention at all for the first time in weeks was when I nearly caused myself to blow up outside of our apartment in the street.

Last week, I'd finally gotten sick of staying inside all of the time. It wasn't due to needing to be free of my restraints under her watchful eye or anything, but an incessant need to do things on my own terms for once. When I'd told her that I planned to go outside to "train" my chakra, she only frowned with a slight glare. I could tell though, that she really wanted to stretch her limbs as well, but the mountain of homework in front of her wasn't going to go away until she tended to it, so she was officially stuck inside.

She muttered something about not drifting too far away from the apartment, and I'd taken that as permission to leave.

The moment I stepped out and the beautiful, brilliant sun's rays hit my face, I happily took in a deep breath of air. I hadn't realized how stuffy it was being stuck in an apartment for days on end. I wonder, now, if maybe that wasn't a type of training in itself, but I don't think I meant enough to Anko for her to bother with something as annoying as that.

I just sat at the bottom of the steps leading up to our apartment and focused inwardly on my chakra. I didn't have that much chakra to mold as a whole, but I took joy in trying to push all of my chakra to one part of my body and then another after another. It was easier to focus on a bigger area like my head, torso and my legs. I ended up losing control the second I tried to have the chakra flow to a specific area like just my hand or just my feet. After about three hours of doing this continuously, I sat back again the steps and took a breather.

I wasn't surprised to see Anko poke her head out to check up on me and make sure I wasn't getting into too much trouble. I fiddled with my necklace as I looked back up at her, the remnants of my chakra still humming around my hand. I was tired and wasn't paying any attention to what I was doing and couldn't understand why Anko's eyes suddenly widened incredibly and her lips parted as she began to shout something.

I remember my eyebrows raising from confusion as something blue began to shine dangerously from one of the pieces of my necklace. I didn't even have the time to shout out "fuck" as Anko appeared next to me in a flash, her hand grabbing at the chakra bomb I'd unwittingly unsealed and pitching it as high into the air away from us as she could. The bomb exploded not even half a second later, filling the brilliantly clear sky with a burst of blue energy that expanded until it reached a radius of approximately ten feet wide. The explosion was powerful enough to rip off some of the wooden shingle pieces on the roofs.

Anko continued to clutch me to her chest as I stared, shocked, at the remaining chakra left billowing angrily through the air. As it was a residential district, the chuunin, jounin, and ANBU appeared almost immediately.

"Oh, shit," I recall myself breathing out as I stared at the shimmering air.

"Oh, shit," Anko said more or less at the same time, her gaze on something else entirely.

I don't think our actual meaning behind those words had quite been the same.

My attention turned quickly to one of ANBU who had walked forward, his dog mask covering his face. He approached the two of us slowly but without any wasted energy whatsoever. Several chuunin took off after receiving directions from other ANBU, though the few jounin who had come stuck around, looking slightly concerned and glaring at Anko with some suspicion.

"You are aware that you set off an explosive within range of normal civilians, right?" the man I had then known for certain was Kakashi began. "This doesn't seem like your style, Mitarashi."

" _I'm_ the one who –" I tried to argue before Anko clapped a hand over my mouth.

I covered her hand with both of mine, trying to see if I could get her to let go without suffocating me. She squeezed my cheeks for a short moment, causing me some pain as a warning to not say a word before she let go, stood up, and stepped away from me. Anko looked down at me with an undecipherable expression before whispering harshly,

"Go back inside." Her tone left zero argument.

I hadn't intended to bother trying to counter her, but I suppose I'd hesitated for a mite too long because I saw her tense immediately and fix me with a terrible glare.

" _Now_."

I'd jumped up from where I'd been sitting, feet pounding against the steps as I dashed up and sped down the walkway until I reached the door that would lead to the inner corridor. I didn't stop running until I came to our apartment door and was safely inside. My heart pumped hard within my chest and I breathed in and out quickly not from the exertion, but from the fear of what was certain to come. I'd dreaded the upcoming confrontation. I knew nothing about it would be a happy family moment.

Remembering what had happened then made me shudder in the present. My grip on the broom trembled a bit. I went out into the hallway, quickly grabbing a dustpan and going back to collect all of the hairs I'd swept into a pile. Seconds later, I was pitching the pile into the nearest trash can, putting the broom and dustpan back.

I took a look at the clock on one of the walls in the living room, noting that I still had a few hours before Anko was due to come back home to feed me and before I had to be at the academy. I ran a hand through my incredibly short hair, a yawn escaping my lips. My mouth clacked closed as I shook my head to clear the cobwebs. I hadn't slept well the night before thanks to being too excited for the next step in my new life.

I fingered with the necklace around my neck again.

 _"What the hell is it about the word '_ bomb' _that you fucking don't understand?"_

Anko's words raced across my mind, making me stand straighter as fear struck through me. My hand dropped from the necklace like the piece of jewelry was on fire. I didn't want to remember what had happened. Most of the time, I could keep the thoughts out of my mind, but sometimes, when I was alone like I was now, they just came flying to the forefront without holding back at all.

 _"Fuck, it's not like you're really –"_

No, stop it. Stop thinking about it.

My fists tightened and my shoulders tensed. I didn't want to remember. I didn't. I didn't. I wouldn't.

My eyes glanced back at the clock and I shakily took in a deep breath. I needed to sleep this away again. That was the only thing that worked lately. I could pretend in front of Anko all I liked, but I couldn't –

 _"This was just a fucking waste of –"_

I walked out of the living room and headed straight for my room. I could feel my body starting to tremble again as I climbed onto the bed and laid on top of my sheets. I needed to forget. I had to. I had to.

I slowly set the alarm for my clock – there was no real guarantee that Anko would come back home on time anyway – and fell asleep.

* * *

"What the hell is it about the word ' _bomb_ ' that you don't fucking understand?"

She was really mad. No. She was beyond mad, I realized, falling back a step as she glowered down at me. For every step I backtracked, though, she matched me with one step forward.

"It was an accident," I tried to reason, the necklace trembling in my hands. "I'd forgotten to shut off the flow to my chakra and –"

"Do you even realize how many people live in this area alone?" Anko yelled, cutting me off without mercy. "You could have potentially killed dozens of people, _including yourself_! I don't know what I was thinking, getting that for you! You obviously can't use it!"

I was starting to get angry now. "Of course I can't use it, damn it! I don't know anything about seals. I'm only five. What were you expecting from me?"

Anko gritted her teeth at my rebuttal, obviously aware that she'd probably expected a little too much. Truthfully, that was probably partially my fault. No normal five-year-old had the average vocabulary of an adult, or acted like one most of the time. I'd probably confused her more than anything else.

"Why were you even wearing it?" she bit out, growing more and more furious by the second. "It's supposed to be for when you are actually fighting or in danger of losing your life, not for being the cause of losing it."

I scoffed. "Well, _pardon_ _me_ for wanting to wear the first and only birthday present I've ever received from anyone since... Since back then. Pardon me for wanting to display my gift happily. Pardon me for letting the damn thing mean something to me."

She rose a hand to massage her fingers against her temple, a short, quick breath escaping her lips as she closed her eyes.

"I just spent the better part of an hour trying to convince the ANBU that you weren't some homicidal maniac dressed up as a child. I have the Hokage breathing down my neck to take care of you just because we're 'family'. People are on my case just because my old teacher decided to go rogue and become an enemy of the village. There are civilians out there who are blindly placing blame on me for every misfortune that happens to them because of some unfortunate circumstance I couldn't control. I now need to write up a report detailing your habits and how I have related to you in the past couple of weeks."

Anko paused her rant to open her eyes and stare down at me. "And now, I have to deal with you personally making my life a living hell whenever I want to just go home and relax. I don't have any place to run, and I can thank you for that. So, thanks."

I could almost feel her hatred for me pouring off of her in waves. I'd honestly never known that she'd felt that way, and I'd thought we'd been getting along for the most part. I swallowed slowly, not knowing what to say to ease her pain. I glanced absently around me, my brain struggling to come up with a decent response, but it felt like the gears had ground to a halt. I didn't have anything to say.

"This was just a fucking waste of my time and money," Anko continued, no longer directly speaking to me, but just airing out the dirty laundry. "I haven't survived for this long just to get a mission like this and send it all scattering to hell. Shit, I'm better than this. I'm worth more than this."

The words hit me hard and I winced with each one as they slammed into my heart like piercing daggers. I could feel my thoughts taking off, but I was determined to see this through. I'd messed up. I got that. I didn't think it was entirely my fault, but I'd accept responsibility if it helped ease matters. I could do that. I was capable of that.

I lifted up the necklace slowly as if it were an olive branch.

"I'm sorry, Anko. I really am."

She slowly turned her gaze back to me, eyes shadowed with doubt, anger, annoyance, and several other emotions swirling around in a frenzy. Her eyes fell down upon the jewelry I held up for her to possibly take, if it so helped her. Her mouth slowly twisted into a sneer.

"Sorry?" she asked, voice low.

Her hand darted out, slapping the necklace out of my hands and sending it crashing into the baseboards under the cabinet doors in the kitchen. I stared at the present I'd received, looking at each chakra bomb as they rolled across the floor, scattered. Unsure of what I'd just witnessed until she grabbed my wrist and twisted my arm around until I fell to my knees, my arm pushed tightly against my back.

It hurt, though I tried not to cry out. She pushed down harder, pressing her short nails into my skin without caring at all. I grit my teeth tightly as she sighed.

"I don't know what I was thinking. I was stupid for trusting in something like this."

Her voice sounded so far away, or maybe I was just mentally creating a distance between us. I doubted it.

"Fuck, it's not like you're really family anyway. Just some stupid kid with the same name. Fuck this."

I lost my balance and fell against the carpet mat as soon as she released my hand.

I continued to lie there even as I heard the apartment door open and close, the lights flicking off as she left, leaving me shrouded in darkness. I laid my head against the softness of the carpet, feeling numb to what I'd just witnessed. My eyes caught the soft glint of the chakra bombs as the setting sun cast its rays into the apartment.

I think I stayed there until the sun finally set before I pushed myself off the ground with my good arm. I cradled my left wrist gently, standing up and walking over to bend down in front of a few of the bombs. The clasps had broken off many of them entirely, so I couldn't do much more than simply gather them together and place them neatly in a row on the kitchen table. I stared at the broken gift for a bit longer until I realized I needed to eat something. Anko obviously wasn't going to cook me anything.

I opened the refrigerator almost robotically, and pulled out the first container I saw. It was filled with some leftovers of something she'd cook previously, though I couldn't recall for the life of me what right then. I didn't even bother to warm it up and just set it on the table and methodically pushing out a chair and climbing into it. My eyes stared across the table blankly, though I made sure to place my hands together as I thanked whatever ethereal being above for my meal.

I ate slowly, mashing my food between my teeth mechanically. I'm sure I should've known something wasn't quite right when I realized I couldn't taste anything, but I continued eating. People should eat when they're hungry, after all.

When I finished, I pushed my chair back in, grabbed my stepstool and cleaned my dish slowly, carefully, painfully. I set the bowl gently onto the drying rack and then stepped down from my stool. My shoulders felt tight as I glanced around a bit before retreating to my room.

One article after another, I took off my clothes and folded them neatly, placing them on my bed. I then dug into the bottom drawer of my dresser to pull out the ratty clothes back from my orphanage days. It felt like it'd been forever since I'd last seen them, and yet, it had only been a little over a couple of weeks ago. Time really flew, didn't it?

After making sure everything was in its correct place, I walked out of my room wearing my old clothes. I felt like I could hear the echo of my footsteps as I walked across the floor with my ratty socks on. When I got to the main foyer, I looked down the new sandals that had been bought for me.

Ah, that's right. Anko had thrown away my old shoes.

My right arm started to tremble and I clapped a hand over it, my eyes still staring down at the shoes I would normally wear. The arm began to tremble a bit more uncontrollably and I squeezed it hard to make it cease.

Stop. Get over it.

Ignoring the shoes, I touched the concrete ground with my clothed feet and opened the apartment door quietly. No one was out in the corridor. That was fine.

I turned around and locked the door but then looked down at the key in my hand. What would I do with it now? I ended up just putting it through the mail slot on the door before turning away and walking down the hallway.

I found night had fully fallen once I'd gotten outside and there weren't very many people walking about. I think I took in all the details but I couldn't fully acknowledge them for some reason.

My left arm began trembling this time and I crossed my arms across my chest for good measure. Taking in a short breath, I began walking down the walkway and down the steps. I took one step after another away from the apartment, not really knowing where I was going but knowing I was going somewhere.

When I smelt the scrumptious smells of several restaurants, I realized I was a good twenty minutes away from home. I hadn't been so far away without an escort in what felt like forever. It was kind of nice being free.

 _"Fuck, it's not like you're really family anyway."_

I felt my heart tighten as I walked and absently placed a hand against my chest. My eyes were starting to burn, too, and my throat felt parched, like I hadn't drunken anything for a week.

 _"I'm worth more than this."_

I bit my lip and turned my burning eyes up to look around me. I hadn't been this far before, even with Anko around. This was new territory.

 _"I was stupid for trusting in something like this."_

I found myself in the middle of a large, grassy area. It was far away from most of the "civilization" and seemed like a suitable place to hide away. I really did want to hide.

 _"It's not like you're really family anyway."_

I didn't feel the wetness on my cheeks until I'd settled down against the trunk of a tree, hidden well behind some dense brush. My trembling hand reached up automatically to wipe the tears away.

I didn't know why I was crying. Anko had been right, of course – we weren't family, not in the truest sense. Yet, she was part of the only "family" I'd ever known in this world. It was a new experience for me, being rejected as I had. I didn't know how to deal with it.

In my past life, I'd had a fairly large family. No siblings, but I had plenty of cousins to make up for their absence, and a mother who loved me unconditionally.

I think it was a shock for me to be ousted as I had been by Anko. For me, family was something that you never turned away, even if you couldn't stand them. Even if you hated them, since they were family, and if they were ever in trouble, you would quit or relocate your job and uproot everything you know because you knew they needed your help. There wasn't anything to question, that was just what was done.

I didn't know how to feel about my current situation. I was in unknown territory. Was I supposed to cry, or just accept it as a thing that happened to most "normal" people? What was normal anyway?

My gaze turned up, although there wasn't much to see through the underbrush. Maybe I was just being contemplative.

I hadn't cried about something family-related for a long, long time. Rather, I don't think things really click for me until a significant amount of time has passed. When my grandmother died on Christmas Day, I'd cried almost immediately, but I didn't cry for my grandfather until nearly seven to eight years after his death. I think it took me that long to reconcile with the fact that there were certain traditions that just wouldn't be upheld without him, and grandma's loss had just been the piece of hay to break the elephant's back.

Was I supposed to cry because I'd lost Anko, although I'd never really had her? Maybe I was just looking too far into it all.

I was dizzy and fell down to lie on the grass. The intervals between my breathing was beginning to shorten bit by bit, though at least I had stopped crying. Maybe I'd been dehydrated, because not many tears had fallen, or maybe I was just in shock because of what I'd experienced.

I closed my eyes as my body fell slack.

I swear though that I'd only had them closed for a few minutes. Or maybe a few hours as I fell into a deep sleep. I swear that it hadn't been that long and that I'd wake up to the blazing sun and have to search for a new hiding spot, just to keep things interesting. Anko wouldn't be very happy with me when she finally found me, after all.

I swear on my life that I'd meant to only take a small nap, but when I opened my eyes again, it was the intermittent beeping that put me on immediate alert. As my pulse shot up, I heard the beeping start to quicken, and I hastily stared all around me.

White. White. White. And more white. A smell of disinfectant. A soft bed beneath my back with a set of covers hiding my body away.

The hospital. I was in the hospital. Did I just...die for a short time? What about the placement exam? What about starting academy? Or, was I back in my original life, having woken up from a coma?

I pushed myself up quickly, the wet towel on my forehead flying off as something clacked against my chest. I swallowed and grabbed a fistful of whatever was around my neck before taking a really good look at it.

My chakra bomb necklace. But, I could've sworn...

 _Her hand darted out, slapping the necklace out of my hands and sending it crashing into the baseboards under the cabinet doors in the kitchen._

It had been broken. I swear it had.

 _I couldn't do much more than simply gather them together and place them neatly in a row on the kitchen table._

My hand fell down onto my lap. I didn't understand. What had just happened?

I felt something, or someone, watching me, and warily turned my gaze to my right to confront whoever, or whatever it was.

Anko rested on a stool with her back to the wall, her eyes shadowed as their brown depths made eye contact with me. I didn't see whatever expression she made, but only saw the emptiness swimming around and trying to surround me. I felt my guard instantly rise.

 _"It's not like you're really family anyway."_

Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.

Get over it.

Anko's expression, looking so tired and troubled, softened slightly as she regarded me.

"Hey," she murmured in greeting, leaving me dumbfounded.

I stayed silent. The last time I'd seen her had been traumatizing to the point where I wasn't sure I wanted to say anything at all. I backed away when she sat up fully, leaning in towards me. My reflexive movement caused her pause, and she slowly reached out for my hand, as if reaching out to a cowering animal.

 _She grabbed my wrist and twisted my arm around until I fell to my knees, my arm pushed tightly against my back._

I pulled my hand out of her reach, my body automatically shifting to the other side of the bed.

I was scared shitless. I was just waiting for the ball to drop.

Anko stopped, her hand freezing in the air before retreating and weakly resting on her knee. I saw her bite her lip and then bow her head slowly, almost as if she were yielding herself to me. My heart began to pump harder and faster. What was the catch? What was she going to do now?

"I'm sorry."

The words tumbled out of her mouth awkwardly and I could feel my body grow rigid. She was...what?

"I know it wasn't your fault," Anko confessed, her voice barely louder than a whisper. "I was scared. Both for you and what such an event might mean for your future, and for what it meant for me to frightened in the first place. I took out that fear on you."

I continued to stay silent. What was she doing?

The muscles in my back tightened up like a cat when I saw something silvery trail down her cheek. My eyes widened as the tear made its way to her chin and then pooled without dropping. Her fingers dug into the skin of her knees, her teeth biting into her bottom lip as she struggled for control.

"I'd only meant to take a breather for a few hours. Regardless of what happens, it is my duty to protect you."

Ah, that was a nice neutral word, "duty". I think that, more than anything else, helped me to relax. She wasn't trying to act as if everything had been a complete accident or mistake. She was just upset that she had failed in her duty. I could understand that. I could respect that.

"I never would have left if I'd known that..." Anko paused, her mouth tightening. "I'd never meant to... I shouldn't have left. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," I placated her, much to my own surprise, and hers, apparently. "You needed time to deal with your thoughts and feelings. It's fine."

Anko reeled back slightly, looking stunned. "What are you talking about? If I hadn't found you when I did, you could've been –"

"Sure, I could have," I answered automatically, slowly growing able to detach myself from my feelings again. "But, I didn't. So, let's forget about it."

Anko looked as if she wanted to argue, but I turned away, refusing to continue the conversation.

Some things were just better left alone.

* * *

I finished washing the dishes after Anko had left to go back to work. I hugged my arms around my body, relishing in the warmth and the security only I could provide for myself. It was best not to expect too much.

Walking out of the apartment after putting on my shiny, new vest, I made sure to lock the door and then place my key on the small key ring attached to the edge of my hip pocket. My wonderful new sandals clacked against the wooden floor until I reached the door leading back outside. It was a sunny day today, too, though I had no intention of blowing myself up this time. I still wore my necklace proudly, but my hands were moving anywhere near it unless I fully intended to blow someone or something up. I'd learnt my lesson. No more recklessness.

For now.

At the top of the steps at the end of the outer walkway, I stood still and concentrated inwardly on my flowing chakra. I cupped my right hand over my left fist in front of me, eyebrows narrowing as I focused. It was hardly a seal in any manner of speaking, but helped me line up my thoughts more quickly. I felt the chakra flow slowly down my legs, ebbing and waving as I tried to control them more exactly.

My breath whispered out of my mouth as I let my hands fall to sides. This "technique" was the one and only thing Anko had ever taught me since she had been tired of walking everywhere with me like a normal civilian. I bent down close the ground, a smirk on my face as I expelled chakra from the bottom of my feet and jumped at the same time. Like each of the few times I'd done this before, I leapt high into the air, flying over the street and landing on the roof of the building on the opposite side without too much trouble. I always exerted a ton of effort to do this higher level ability but it was worth it to see all of the people below me, walking without any other alternative available to them.

I turned away from the crowd milling about on the streets, my shoulders straightening as I bent down and then leapt forward again.

At times like this, it was nice to have superpowers.

* * *

This chapter dredged up some bad old memories, but it made for a more emotional chapter, methinks. Let me know how you feel.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four is here. I'm trying not to make these chapters very long as this is my project to relax and experiment with. I've never written a story that dealt with so much emotion, especially where it was the very epicenter of the story. It's most certainly an interesting challenge trying to see things from all sides and react to them appropriately. This chapter isn't anywhere near as intense as the previous one.

* * *

I was not particularly pleased when I slowly made my way home after hours of both physical and mental testing at the academy. The first few hours dealt with all manners of various tests and quizzes pertaining to information I hadn't touched since leaving high school, and perhaps university, even. Whereas my math and science scores had not altogether high or noteworthy, I could certify for certain that I'd passed geography, history, a varied portions of the Elemental Nations' political schemes and people, as well as a number of other core subjects. Academic education was something I could definitely do – it only required reading comprehension, writing ability, and decent memory faculties.

The physical portion, however, did not go as well as I had hoped. Of course, this can solely be blamed on me for being a pathetic child and not playing outside like a normal person. I'd never used my muscles enough to develop the balance and endurance necessary to race against other kids in tests of agility and speed. Now, my scores hadn't exactly been abysmal, but I wouldn't be seen as some sort of genius anytime soon.

My jutsu skills were also _highly_ lacking. Since I had actually attempted to train my basic ninjutsu skills, I was somewhat okay on that front, for an average five-year-old, that is. I wasn't going to be defeating Orochimaru anytime soon to avenge my sister's honor or anything like that, but I was on par with the other clan kids as far as everything went. I could bumble my way through taijutsu, though, let's not kid ourselves, here. I sucked. I _really_ sucked, and the instructor had hardly been impressed with whatever random karate movements I'd pulled out of my ass.

Genjutsu though, man. _Genjutsu._ Why did a skill like that even have to exist? I do not notice my surroundings all that well – I'm one of those people who won't notice someone ever got a haircut until someone else pointed it out. What do I care if they changed a part of themselves? I could walk down a street and suddenly see a building, and wonder if it had always been there or if I had just missed something. Fucking genjutsu killed me. I have no mental barriers erected to block something like that, and I'm sure that if anything is going to kill me one day in this godforsaken universe, it will be genjutsu. Ninjutsu? Nah, there's always a counter to that. Taijutsu? I have a decent tolerance for pain. Genjutsu? You can fuck the hell off with that mess right there.

I trudged past the food district, my mouth watering as I smelled the wonderful aromas swirling all around me. I really could have done with some good ole takeout, but why spend the money on a one-time thing when we had food at home that could potentially stretch for several meals? Don't get me wrong – I was very happy that Anko took the time to always cook for me. At times, I would wonder where she learned to cook, and if Orochimaru had somehow taught her. Then I would get an image of Orochimaru in a pink, frilly apron and oven mitts on his hands and whatever normal thoughts I had would fly out of my mind.

Anyway, I was happy and very privileged to have her cook for me every day, but I wanted something different every now and then, you know? I wanted to try an Akimichi dish. I mean, in the manga, they alluded to the Akimichi meals being amazingly delicious, and with how many restaurants there are in the Akimichi district alone, I can only imagine the savory, delectable food one could eat there. I needed to make an Akimichi friend, or something.

I sighed at my state of poorness, wishing I had some sort of income coming in to treat myself to something or another. My hands slipped into my pockets as I began to walk again, my eyes focusing on the ground instead of at each food stall I passed. I could be as tempted as I wanted to eat at one of those places, but without the funds to cover me, that temptation was nothing but a menace.

I finally made it to our apartment door about ten minutes later, my hand resting heavily on the knob.

I didn't want to go in.

These past few weeks had been trying, very trying. Anko wasn't the only one without a secret place to retreat to for recharging. I was kind of jealous of her, since while she did have to watch me, she also had the fortunate advantage of being old enough to go anywhere in the village on her own. I might be entering the academy soon, but even ninja were wary of letting a child dillydally about without someone to watch over them. Oh sure, I _could_ run off somewhere on my own, but after landing in the hospital from the last time I chose to run away, I doubted Anko would take my attempt at freedom all that well.

As my hand twisted the knob and I opened the door, I found myself wondering just what had happened that night. I'd essentially told Anko I hadn't wanted to discuss it, that some things were better left alone, but inside of me, I still wondered. How did I go from resting in some bushes to being in the hospital? Obviously, someone had found me and I'd been hospitalized, but how did Anko fit into that? Had she been the one to find me? Why was I in any state to be hospitalized in the first place?

I had questions, and I wanted to know, but at the same time, I didn't want to open that can of worms. What if knowing led to another disastrous argument with Anko? What if she really lost her temper this time? What if she found me as collateral and decided to eff her mission and take me out? It would be so easy for her. All she would have to do is slice my throat when I was asleep, or shunshin behind me and take me out that way. If I didn't watch myself, I would potentially be stepping on landmines no matter where I stood with her. It was exhausting.

I didn't want to go in.

When I took a tentative few steps into the foray and close the door behind me, I found the lights still turned off and the room covered in a blanket of darkness, save for the moonlight shining in through the windows. I looked around with my eyes before closing them and trying to listen for any sign of movement within the apartment. I didn't hear anything, though that didn't necessarily mean anything. Anko was a silent sleeper – she didn't snore, didn't make a single peep. If she was asleep though, waking her was the last thing I ever wanted to do. She was not a morning person, and always woke up grouchy – not that I blamed her at all. I could only imagine what she'd contended with under Orochimaru's tutelage. Waking up could not have been all that fun an ordeal with him.

I shuffled through the house as silently as I could – learning how to walk silently was definitely difficult, and I just didn't have the chakra control fine-tuned enough for that yet.

I, as slowly and gently as I could, twisted open the doorknob and opened the door leading to Anko's room. I peered around inside, quickly judging that she was nowhere in sight. My head tilted a fraction to the left – she should have been by now. Maybe the bathroom? Or, God forbid, my bedroom?

When neither place showed her being there, I paused in the middle of the living room, feeling my body began to lose every string of tension that had built up over the day. She wasn't home. I was home alone. I didn't have to attempt to act like there was nothing wrong with me, nor did I have to pretend to be someone I wasn't for Anko's sake. I could just be me.

My body fell to the carpet mat as I stared up at the ceiling.

How long had it been since I had been free to be myself, without worry of other people finding me odd or strange? Up until I was three, I had been together with the last of my family, playing the act of a toddler. No, not playing – I truly hadn't known anything about who I really was at the time. In a way, I had been Hotaru, not the person from another universe and time. But now, I was Hotaru with the mind of a twenty-seven-year-old adult. For the past two years, I'd been surrounded by orphaned children, kids who hadn't grown up mentally or physically yet. They were prone to emotional outbursts, and questioned everything about the world. That just wasn't me anymore, but I'd had to feign that curiosity. Nothing went well when a child simply accepted the world around them as a truth, and not an indicator of something better and greater.

My wish for reclusiveness had been granted, but now that I was alone, I didn't know what to do. Did I read? Did I study? Did I train? What had I done before dying the first time? I'd played games, gone out with friends, read things online, gone to work, tried to be an adult, although I just couldn't adult well. That had been the 'me' then, but the 'me' now was entirely different. I lived a different life, had different goals, different opportunities, and knew different people. I had different restraints to focus on, different wrongs to right, and different passions altogether. I was new. I was an enigma.

I had no idea who I was anymore, nor who I was trying or intending to be. It was...strange, and yet, invigorating. Instead of chasing a past that no longer was, I had a completely unpaved future waiting for me to carve into it.

I sat up from where I lay, my eyes gazing down at my hands. I also had a sister who had gone through a difficult time and was hurting very much inside. I don't know for what purpose I had been reborn in this universe, but there had to be a reason I retained all of my previous knowledge and supposed maturity. Anko was, by all rights, still a child in her heart. She was a child trying to live as an adult and support another person while dealing with her past traumatic events and a sense of an amnesiac past. She didn't know who she was either. It would be selfish of me to assume I could guide her along the right path, but if I could somehow support her...

Yes, I could support her – so long as she didn't try to kill me. Then, I swear, no matter how fucking strong she was, I was going to kick her ass somehow.

All right. I had a plan that revolved around supporting the fourteen-year-old sibling of mine. Until I was of genin level though, there was nothing I could do as far as finances were concerned, or seeing eye-to-eye with her in that manner. I could do other things though.

She was obviously late due to her job, and I doubted she'd be in any mood to cook something as soon as she got home. Hell, I could cook. My particular dishes didn't range very far and they weren't very diverse as a whole, but I could whip something together that was both simple and tasty to eat.

I jumped up from spot on the floor, went and tossed my vest onto my bed, and shuffled back into the kitchen while cracking my knuckles. I threw the fridge door open with flourish, my eyes quickly falling on the empty state of our wonderful refrigerator. Aside from a couple of mushrooms, and an onion, we had literally nothing in there. _Nothing_.

Had she known that and gone shopping? Did we at least have bread? A quick check led me to an answer of no. No milk, no cheese, no meat, no other forms of vegetables... I couldn't make anything at all. I screwed up my mouth into a frown. The grocery store would shut down soon, like within the next half hour. Even if I wanted to buy something, I didn't have any money.

I winced as my stomach growled slightly. No money for food, no one to rely on, nothing else to do...

I went back into my room, put my jacket _back_ on, and left the apartment again.

I was still tired, but hunger was a powerful motivator. I didn't know precisely where my older sister was, but my best guess was to try T&I to see where if she was still there or not. If not, I could ask someone when she'd left and go from there.

Chakra slowly flowed into my legs as I jumped on the railing before blasting from there onto the opposite roof. I landed strangely and had to roll across the roof to keep from hurting myself somehow. As soon as I was balanced, I turned in the direction of the administration building, its bright lights a beacon for all to see and recognize. I rocked back a bit before dashing across the roof and jumping onto another one across the street before jumping onto another one, and another, and another. When I had momentum on my side, running across the roofs was probably similar to hurdles on a track – momentum and velocity made things much easier than working from a standstill, but just as with all things, stopping was not my forte.

On the last roof, I slipped and fell while trying to find a way to stop and promptly bounced off the roof and fell down hard onto the ground below. I stared, almost shocked, at the moonlit sky above me as I tried to figure out where I'd gone wrong. I'd misstepped when going to the academy too, though I'd just rolled to the ground without receiving any major injuries. I now had a definite request for Anko when she had some free time: teach me how to stop.

Various adults popped up around me – all shinobi, for that matter – asking if I was all right, though I just waved them off. I wasn't dead, nothing was broken, and I didn't know them at all. I was fine, all things considered.

I asked someone for directions to T&I, and instead found myself fielding questions on why I was alone and where my family was and other such ridiculous questions.

"You mean the Torture and Investigation unit?" someone asked from behind me.

I turned around and was suddenly staring at a tall blond man with pupil-less blue eyes. His arms were crossed across his chest, and I suppose he found it somewhat odd that a child my apparent age would be asking around for a place as dangerous as T&I. I tilted my head at his high ponytail and the long hair flowing down from it. I should know this person, but my memory was failing me.

"Yes, that's right," I replied with a clear voice. "I'd like to know the way there."

"Now, what's a little girl like you doing searching for a place like that so late at night?" the man asked kindly, seemingly almost amuse by the small smile on his face. "That's not a place for a child to be."

Huh, well, if he wasn't going to tell me, I'd just search for it on my own. Maybe if I flared my chakra a few times, Anko would get the point and wonder what was going on. I wondered if she even had a lock on my chakra signature by this point. I turned away from the blond man without answering his question, and flinched when he gently grabbed me by my shoulder, stopping me in my tracks.

"Let go!" I yelled out, shrugging out of his grasp and backing up a few steps.

I felt my pulse began to ace automatically from his innocent gesture and saw the alarm register on his face from my reaction. For a moment, I saw a flash of brown eyes and purple hair leering down at me and I took another couple of steps back involuntarily.

Crap, crap, crap. Calm down, calm down, _calm down_. He isn't her, he isn't her. _Calm down!_

I tried to adopt an emotionless expression, but the damage had already been done. He was now looking down at me with an unreadable expression. I saw a muscle in his jaw twitch slightly before he forced a small smile on his face. He held up his hands in a placating manner and kept his distance.

"I'm sorry. I scared you, didn't I?" he asked in a light tone, betraying none of the emotion he'd let slip just seconds before. "I'll take you there, but would you mind telling me why you want to go there?"

I hesitated, before softly saying, "My sister works there, I think."

The man's eyes widened before quickly sharpening as he took a good look at me. "Your sister? Ah, are you related to Mitarashi Anko?"

"The one and only."

"Ah," was the only word he offered me at the confession.

He seemed somewhat troubled, and I continued wondering exactly who he was. He knew Anko for whatever reason, but practically everyone in the village knew of her somehow at this point. It wasn't too much to assume that she was rather infamous within the village through no fault of her own. I could almost feel him making assumptions and connections to her and my previous unnecessary reaction. The man didn't look happy in the least, but he still granted me a nice smile regardless.

"My apologies," the man said, crouching down to look at me eye-to-eye. "I never told you my name, did I? I'm Yamanaka Inoichi – I work together with your sister. Perhaps we'll be seeing more of each other in the future."

Oh, great. That's who he was – a freaking Yamanaka. I honestly didn't want to be anywhere near a Yamanaka. The very thought that they could use some kind of technique to enter the barriers leading to my mind and see every single secret hidden inside filled me a cold dread. I wanted nothing to do with him.

I didn't respond to his subtle suggestion and only stared at him. He held out a hand towards me as a nice gesture, but I just stared at it before staring back up at him. After a few seconds, he lamely let his hand drop and continued smiling at me. The guy was incredibly kind – I'd give him that. But then again, psychologists had to be kind to get into patients' minds, didn't they? That was a normal thing, but it might have been genuine for him, at least. I had no way of knowing.

He eventually stood, gesturing toward the large building in front of us. "Come, it's this way."

I watched his every movement as he walked ahead of me, though to my untrained eye, he seemed to be walking as normally as ever. There was no hitch in his step, no obvious tightening of his shoulders, nothing that screamed anything was wrong with him from normal. In seeing this, I felt myself slowly relax. If nothing seemed conspicuously wrong, then perhaps I was just overreaching with my thoughts.

Inoichi led me deep into the admin building until we heading down a dark tunnel of stairs that opened up into a spacious underground area lined with bookshelves, desks, and papers galore. There was a large steel door on the opposite end that I supposed led to the prison cells. When I walked into the room, I was taken aback by how amazingly large it was, and I guess I was surprised, too, by the number of people that worked in the unit. There had to a staff of at least thirty people here, but considering how late it was, I could bet that there were definitely more aligned with this line of work.

I caught the telltale purple hair of Anko almost immediately, but as soon as I made as if to go to her, Inoichi quickly stepped into my path, blocking her from my vision. He held a hand down, palm towards me, as if to ask me to wait before I tried to talk to her. I was not pleased by this action, but any attempt to move around him only yielded in him blocking my way again and again, so I just gave up and turned my gaze away while placing my hands in my pockets.

"Anko-kun," Inoichi called out.

"Yamanaka-san?" I heard her reply with some curiosity. "I thought you were heading home."

"I got a little sidetracked along the way. Ah, and I have something for you."

He stepped aside and I saw Anko's gaze zero in on me. Her eyes first widened before she flicked a quick glance at the clock and narrowed her eyes a bit. She looked back at me with a frown and held up a hand.

"I was supposed to be home by now to cook, right?" she asked without pretense, her eyes shifting to look at the paperwork in front of her. "Just hold on a second. Give me fifteen minutes to finish up."

I shrugged – I was in no real hurry at this point, and I was hardly a stranger to waiting for relatives to finish up a massive amount of paperwork. I nodded at her and she sat back down and busily tried to complete all whatever she had to do, so I gave Inoichi a glance. The look on his face made me freeze.

He was not happy at what had just occurred, but I couldn't see anything wrong with what she'd said. One couldn't compare Anko and I to a normal family – we were hardly anything but normal, after all. Hell, she could've given me ten or twenty ryou to go buy food for all I cared and I would've gone about my way to one of the many shops along the way. I didn't care. Work was important.

"Anko-kun, how about leaving that for tomorrow?" Inoichi suggested in a way that obviously indicated it was anything but.

Anko looked back at him with some confusion, and seemed loathe to leave things undone. I admired that about her – she wasn't quite a workaholic, but she was obviously devoted to what she did and took it very seriously. I respected people who could become so involved in a project at work that they would lose all track of time. People who could value their work so much like that were okay by me.

"I can wait," I tried protesting but Inoichi just gave me this _look_ , as if to stay silent and not butt in.

Anko hesitated to some small degree. "Is there something wrong, Yamanaka-san?"

"You've been at this all day, Anko-kun. I'd say it's high time to take a break."

"But I –"

Inoichi smiled more. "I'm sure you agree, of course."

I was looking at Inoichi the entire time, the same as Anko, but whatever she saw made me freeze at her desk and pale significantly. I looked between her expression and Inoichi's a few times, trying to figure out what exactly I'd missed. He only gave me a kind smile, but one could hardly expect me to accept that after my sister, Orochimaru's apprentice, paled to a degree like that. Whatever he'd done or left unsaid had bothered her greatly. I was not okay with this, but it wasn't like I could do anything about it.

She stood up swiftly, work momentarily forgotten. Her eyes met mine, though I couldn't read the emotion swirling within their depths. She cleared her throat and bowed, informing everyone she'd be leaving early as a respectful gesture to those who had to stay late. There hadn't been a single person in the room who hadn't been paying some attention to our conversation, but they all bid her a good night and said they'd see her in the morning. She threw on her jacket and came over to me, but not without giving Inoichi a respectful bow. He maintained his smile and motioned to the door.

Anko went out first with me following quickly behind, and Inoichi taking up the rear. As soon as we were outside of the admin building, he waved at the two of us and bid us a good night, saying he had a family to get home to. For some reason, he'd decided to emphasize the word "family", a fact of which escaped neither of us.

Anko's eyebrows knotted together as she frowned, her arms crossing across her chest. She sighed.

"You're hungry, I take it?"

"Kind of, yeah," I answered, trying to look as standoffish and laidback as she did. I didn't manage it as well.

Anko ran a hand through her thick hair, her expression troubled. She was obviously exhausted – meh, I could go to bed without eating tonight. I've done it before.

She looked down at me. "I'm kind of tired. You up for eating out tonight?"

Oh, oh, oh! We were eating out today? Oh, hell yes!

I grabbed at her coat in my excitement. "Can we eat at an Akimichi restaurant?"

"Akimichi?" She looked bewildered. "I guess, but which one? There must be at least twenty of them."

"Something with a lot of meat!"

"Well, that narrows it down," she replied sarcastically. "Fine, I know of a place."

She nodded her head at the roof above us, silently asking me if I was okay to take to the roofs. I wasn't exactly brimming with chakra anymore, but if we walked the way back, I could manage this much. I chose to answer her by flooding my legs with chakra for the third time today, and she nodded approvingly before vanishing from my sight. I turned quickly to see her already on the rooftop, waiting for me. She waved for me to come up and I let out a short breath. Damn, she was fast.

I leapt onto the roof, falling to a knee as soon as I landed. She waited patiently while I stood up before dashing off in the direction of the food district. I was a little slower on the uptake and struggled to stay anywhere near her, although she was obviously not moving as fast as she could for my benefit. About five minutes later, and as I was becoming increasingly exhausted, she stopped at the edge of one of the roofs to look down at the bustling district below. As with both times before, I had no idea how to come to a nice clean stop. I ended up skidding past her and off the roof. Only her hand reaching out to grab the collar of my vest and shirt kept me from making a messy landing.

She frowned at me with some consternation.

"You never taught me how to stop," I muttered.

"S'pose not," she agreed, before wrapping her arm around my waist as she jumped down to the street.

She set me down gently and gesture her thumb at the restaurant we'd landed in front of. The smell of barbeque immediately got my saliva glands working, and I could almost taste the amazing meat that would be available for eating.

"It's not traditionally Akimichi, but a lot of them tend to visit," Anko explained as we walked in.

I guess I looked disappointed because she quickly said, "There was no time to get permission to enter their district. This is going to have to do."

Whatever. There was meat to be eaten.

"I'll deal," I said with no small amount of happiness as we were welcomed into the restaurant. "I want the most expensive meat then."

"I'm not spending more than four hundred ryou at this place," Anko said, shutting me down immediately.

"Damn it."

* * *

And, that's a wrap. Let me know how you like/dislike it.


	5. Chapter 5

So, another chapter. I had some time, and my beta for my other story's been MIA, soooo. Anyway, I've gotten some really nice reviews from everyone, and I wanted to say thank you for being so kind. I truly am grateful!

I hope you enjoy this chapter!

* * *

It was the night right before my first day of school that an instructor from the academy paid a visit to our apartment. Anko had been doing...whatever it was she normally did in the living room, and I was reading some scroll about genjutsu and how it obstructed mental synapses and allowed for a quick insertion of false information to display a scenario that would somehow trick the brain into thinking something was real. It was about as a dry a text as reading the dictionary. Fuck genjutsu, man.

The second I heard a knock at the door, I tossed the scroll back onto my desk, eager for any distraction that would grant me a reprieve. I walked out of my room and stood at the doorway leading to the living room, watching as Anko let in a young man wearing a flak jacket. She gave me a glance as if to ask what I'd done now and I just shrugged back, keeping my eye on the visitor.

He was good looking, I suppose, in a boyish kind of way. I couldn't recall seeing him during the actual event of the practical and academic exams, but he might have just been someone who worked behind the scenes with grading or something along those lines. He turned to give me a gentle smile – a smile I didn't think to return. Anko didn't either, for that matter, so she obviously wasn't very impressed with him.

"My name is Moroi Takeya – I'm representing the academy this evening."

"I gathered," Anko said, obviously wary. "What do you want, Moroi-san? It's fairly late."

"Yes, it's in regards to young Hotaru over there."

He waved at me cheerfully and I felt my eyebrow raise, unimpressed. I didn't wave back.

Anko spared me another quick glance, but I shrugged at her again. She then gestured for the man to take a seat on the couch, but maintained her distance by sitting in a chair at the kitchen table. She barely looked at me when I sat down Indian-style a little ways away from her on the carpet mat. Takeya smoothly fell back against the leather couch, his eyes widening a bit in appreciation. I smirked when I saw Anko roll her eyes slightly. She had only bought leather because, being that I'm outwardly a child, she figured there would be less of a possible mess to deal with. The couch did have the added bonus of being comfortable though.

Takeya cleared his throat softly and leaned forward, hand on his knees as he adopted a more serious countenance. Anko noticed this quickly, but never moved her arm from where it lay over the back of her chair. Her eyes did narrow as she regarded him.

"As I'm sure you are aware, as the guardian of Hotaru-chan, she participated in the pre-entry exams as required by Konoha for proper allocation into the academy system. The good news, overall, is that she has exceeded expectations with her written exam results, and as it stands, could potentially graduate at the end of her first year and become a genin without any issues."

Anko's eyes narrowed even further. "And the bad news?"

Takeya closed his own eyes as he admitted, "Unfortunately, her practical exam results were subpar at best. Despite her lineage, it seemed almost as if she were new to the shinobi lifestyle, and was unable to replicate even the simplest kata formations. I do not know where she learned the abysmal style of fighting she constructed at the time of her practical, but it was shoddy at best, and a death warrant at worst."

"That is hardly surprising," Anko replied civilly. "Hotaru hasn't had much instruction in the general know-how of being a ninja."

"Indeed. While I applaud her ability to perform the academy's most basic, and yet, most intrinsic ninjutsu techniques, her taijutsu needs quite a bit more work before it would be considered suitable. I would comment on her incapability of recognizing genjutsu and countering them, though that, unfortunately, is not a field the academy delves into with considerable detail. If she became able to effectively disperse a genjutsu set upon her, even a very low-ranked one, that would be more than applicable enough to allow her to graduate as far as that is concerned."

Takeya smiled at me again. I had to give him points for trying, at least.

My sister cracked her neck as she rotated her head, allowing herself a few moments to swallow all of the information he'd basically thrown down her throat. The second I saw her flick her fingers around as if twirling a dango stick, I knew she was taking this matter as seriously as if she were on another mission. Though, I guess that technically, if we were to remember what the Hokage said, I was an ongoing A-Ranked mission for her, so it would only make sense that she take everything seriously.

Takeya turned his attention away from me and looked back at Anko. "As a shinobi, yourself, I'm certain you understand the risks of sending out a child into the unknown with very little way of actually protecting him or herself. I'm sure you didn't have such an issue when you were a child –"

Anko's glare was as quick and deadly as a snake when threatened. "We are not discussing me or my capabilities. Stay on topic and don't veer off again."

The man reeled back, but nodded obediently. Anko continued glaring at him for a few more seconds before closing her eyes and taking a deep breath.

"So, what are our options?"

"Yes ma'am," Takeya quickly said, grasping at the change of topic as if it were a lifejacket. "The problem we have come across concerns whether to place Hotaru-chan in a higher level class with perhaps the ten or eleven year olds, and let her attempt to catch up physically, or, that perhaps it might be better to place her together with children her own age and potentially bore her with redundant information while giving her an opportunity to raise her physical capabilities naturally and with a decent amount of time in a stress-free environment."

I looked at Anko as her face clouded slightly. Her fingers began "twirling" her invisible dango stick more readily.

"Honestly speaking," she said, face shadowed by some emotion I couldn't read, "I do not think she would fare well in the latter situation. If she were to start at the same level with all of the other kids her age, it would make more sense for her to only participate at school for the physical fitness tests, alongside of learning the kata and taijutsu skills. Forcing her to submit to relearning material she obviously already knows would leave her stagnant, which I think is contrary to what the academy is attempting to do. Or am I wrong?"

"Do I not get say in this?" I muttered and she flicked my head, _hard_.

"Shut up. The adults are talking," she muttered back as I rubbed my head and glared at her.

Chakra! She'd used chakra to do that so hard! This was obviously violence against a child. Too bad I wasn't in a world where that _really_ mattered.

Takeya winced for me but I just stared at him like he was an idiot as only a child really can. He raised children to become cold-hearted killers, and he was upset by the fact that I got hit on the forehead by my sibling? Priorities, you're getting them wrong.

He shook his head. "You aren't incorrect, Mitarashi-san. However, I am concerned that if she only appears at those specific times, it would lead to bad blood between her and her classmates, potentially causing issues down the road if they happen to become jealous over her leisurely lifestyle. There is also the matter of where she would go or what she would do in her off-times. You could very well hire a tutor to teach her more academically, but that might become a very expensive endeavor."

"And if she was upgraded to learn alongside the older kids? How would that work?"

"While she would still more than likely know the material," Takeya explained softly, "she would at least be able to participate with the rest of the class without sounding dismissive or derogative to others, and be able to also provide new and fresh insight for her peers to amuse themselves with. Her physical capabilities, however, wouldn't be able to compare to the other more mature students. In which case, she would need a teacher outside of the school who could work with her personally one-to-one. The teacher would need to be able to allocate much of his, or her, time and devote themselves to making sure Hotaru was brought up to speed on everything she needs to know."

Anko shook her head slightly. "So it's either stagnation or a do-or-die scenario."

The academy instructor nodded, looking sympathetic. "Yes, that is the gist of it. The reason it took so much time for us to bring this to your attention is that, even after creating the class ledgers and figuring out what people should be in which class, we still were uncertain on the best path for Hotaru-chan to take. Being that you are her relative, we believed that you might have more insight on her capability level and make the most suitable decision for her future."

She sighed irritably and I could definitely understand why. She no more had a grasp on what I could do than anyone else did. We'd never sparred with one another before – she'd never had the time nor the interest, and I could hardly expect her to want to choose the path that would shape the rest of my future. Anko covered her face with her right hand, her eyebrows knotted as she frowned.

Eventually, she shook her head. "I think you would be better off asking her for her opinion yourself."

Takeya seemed surprised. "Mitarashi-san, this is not something that should be left to a child's devices. This decision has the potential to –"

"It's her damn life," snapped Anko, apparently at the end of her rope of patience. "Let her make the decisions for what she wants to do. She's the only one who should be able to regret what she has chosen to do, or would you be willing to pay reparations for a decision you made in her place should it go horribly wrong?"

I'll admit, I looked up at her a little too sharply when she said that. I hope that she wasn't referring to her situation with Orochimaru, because that really _hadn't_ been her fault. That shit had been thrust upon her without her knowing how to subvert it. If she believed she was at fault for going astray, she had another thing coming. I'd just have to wait a few years to confront her about it, since I doubted she'd take the commentary very well from someone who had nothing to do with the situation. I would also have to work on my defenses as well, as well as my evasion and dodging techniques. I didn't want to be another example of Gohan from Team Four Star's abridged series.

Anko frowned down at me and nodded her head at Takeya, who was apparently waiting to talk to me. I turned my focus back to him with a frown.

Takeya seemed troubled as he regarded me, but asked, "Hotaru-chan, what would you like to do? I understand that learning with the older kids may seem a bit overwhelming, but we'll try to match you with an appropriate tutor should you stay with your own age group. We just want to make sure your needs are met as accurately as possible."

I rubbed the back of my head, enjoying the feel of all of the short hairs. "Obviously, I want to be advanced to the upper grades and work with the older children."

The instructor looked shocked at my admission. "Ah, but, Hotaru-chan, perhaps you don't understand how much stress you will be under to learn five to six years' worth of physical training within one to two years' time..."

"I doubt it's impossible," I countered. "Hatake Kakashi graduated in a year's time, didn't he?"

"Hotaru-chan, while it's wonderful you are aware of that man, you must understand that he is a genius within his own right, and has learnt several ninja techniques since he was a toddler. Your circumstances are a bit different..."

I could feel my patience starting to run out. "So, are you saying it's impossible for me to advance my physical capabilities within that amount of time? Why'd you even suggest it in the first place if you, as a whole, don't think I can do it?"

"Well, that's..."

Takeya looked pleadingly at Anko for assistance, but she was focused on me. Anko tilted my head back as she pressed a finger against my forehead, silently demanding that I look in her eyes.

"And how do you think we'll be paying for a teacher if you choose to take that route?"

"There's always a way," I responded, trying to swat away her hand, but all I ended up doing was hurting my own instead. "I'm sure there are a bunch of people out there who wouldn't mind teaching me a thing or two in their off times. I could do manual work for them, like clean their houses for free or sell my services in some capacity –"

Her fingers flicked against my forehead so hard that I fell back against the mat, my eyes wide as she glared at me. Takeya, I realized offhandedly, looked rather uncomfortable watching the two of us interact.

I clutched at my forehead, barely managing to clamp down a yell of pain as she glared fiercely at me.

"Damn it, Anko! What the hell is your deal?"

"Last I checked, this wasn't a damn brothel!" she yelled at me, her voice snapping at me like a whip.

It took me a few moments to connect the dots. I looked at her as if she was stupid when I finally got it.

"Goddamn it woman, I didn't mean I'd become a damn prostitute. I meant that I'd be using myself to complete certain tasks like be their punching bag or agree to their wacko experimentations for new techniques or whatever. What about that guy, what's-his-name? You know, the one who wears this green leotard or whatever and shouts from the rooftops at the crack of dawn?"

Anko paled the moment I mentioned Maito Gai; she obviously wasn't going to let me go one step near the man. That was a shame though – he'd always been an interesting character in his own right, in my opinion, and very hard to forget as well.

"You aren't going near that man."

Yep, I thought so.

Takeya interrupted awkwardly: "Hotaru-chan, as much as I would like to say that everyone in the village is a good person and would never mean you harm, I am rather concerned about a five-year-old girl possibly approaching adult men for lessons in physicality. Most might simply ignore you, but there are a select few that might take that consideration a step further..."

I kind of wanted to tease him and ask him what he meant by "a step further", but there was no need to traumatize the man before I'd even officially entered the academy. There would be much more time for that later.

Anko tapped her right hand on the tabletop, her eyes darting left and right as she thought deeply about something. After a minute of complete silence on everyone's part, her tapping stopped abruptly and she sat up straight.

"As Hotaru wants, she'll attend class with the older children. That is our final decision."

Takeya looked disheartened and disappointed. "I understand. I will relay this to the academy officials. Allow me to explain fully what will happen in that case:

"Hotaru-chan will attend each and every single class alongside of the ten-, or possibly eleven-year-old students. Arithmetic, science, geography, history, and other core subjects will be learnt together as a class. She will also join kunoichi classes to ensure that she understands the proper methods of seduction and how to use her femininity in a professional manner. As far as physical fitness classes are concerned though, she will not take part actively at the academy – that will be all up to her efforts outside of class. The teachers' attentions will be sparse enough as it is with teaching the older students new material and they simply can't be forced to attend to someone who is not up to speed in any way, shape, or form."

Anko nodded with every new piece of information. Takeya looked at me again but turned his attention back to Anko almost immediately.

"In three months' time, she will undergo an evaluation to monitor her progress. The first time she is evaluated, she will receive a report detailing areas that need to be worked on further and a probably time scale for how each skill will more than likely be raised and addressed. At the six month mark, she will spar with another student of our choosing, and this will lead to a review of what changes have occurred over the three month time span. At the nine month mark, she will again undergo another physical fitness test similar to her pretest. This will detail whether it is advisable for her to, in fact, attempt to graduate at the one year mark, or whether she should wait for another year to fully raise her physical capabilities."

Anko bit her bottom lip. "If it is judged that she has advanced her physical attributes to her certain degree, will she be allowed to graduate, or forced? Conversely, will she be allowed to personally remark whether she is ready to test for becoming a genin, or will her opinions on the matter be overlooked?"

Oh, those were good questions. I looked over at Takeya to see him look resigned, but still willing to answer any questions tossed at him.

"As much as we would like Hotaru to be mentally ready for adulthood upon possible graduation, please understand that we teach over two to three hundred children. It might cause other children more harm than good if a child has indicated that he or she does not want to graduate due to various issues. Unfortunately, this is not looking at a single child in particular, but everyone as a whole. Mental growth can take place anywhere and is not limited to only the academy."

I could almost feel Anko's muscles tighten as her gaze bore down on the instructor.

"So, even if she is not ready for whatever is to happen, you would still kick her out of the academy because other kids might get a little upset and jealous?"

"Were it simply civilian children," Takuya countered, "it would not be as much of an issue, I do not believe. However, it is the clan children's parents we are most wary of. Graduating and becoming a ninja, as you well know, is an accomplishment, a privilege. It is not something to be shirked because you don't feel 'ready'. No one is ever really 'ready', and it would only seem as if she was stamping down on the other children's hopes and goals by turning down such a promotion. You're a kunoichi, yourself, Mitarashi-san. Please try to understand where I am coming from with this."

"Some things never change," I barely heard her murmur to herself.

I could tell she was starting to retreat into herself when her eyes glazed over slightly. I lowered my gaze to the floor.

"I'll be all right," I said. "I'm hardly what you could call a normal child."

Anko snorted. "That's an understatement."

She stood up, forcing Takeya to do the same out of respect. "We understand the conditions you have set and would like to proceed with this line of action. Please do not be afraid to inform us should anything change dramatically."

"Understood, Mitarashi-san." Takeya's words were clipped and curt at this point. I don't think he really expected Anko to agree to me essentially being tossed to the dogs and forced to fend for myself. He obviously wasn't amused with our choice. He'd just have to get over it.

Takeya bowed at Anko before turning around and heading to the door. Anko followed after him and closed the door behind him after he left, before turning her attention to me.

"It's time for you to head to bed," she declared softly.

"What am I, five?" I argued sarcastically.

"Yeah, you kinda are." Her tone left no room for further debate.

I stood up from my spot on the map, brushing at wrinkles at the butt of my pants. "What's going to happen with this teacher thing?"

Anko clicked the lock on the door shut, her fingers brushing lightly against the lock as she thought.

"I'm going to call in a favor with someone I know. If all things go well, they'll be waiting for you outside of the academy when you're done for the day."

"Huh, I get to start my training tomorrow?"

Anko frowned at me. "You chose this path. Don't back down on me now. Now, shoo. Take a shower and get to bed. You'll need the sleep."

"Yes, _mother_ ," I scoffed at her as I walked away. I'll admit, I was slightly concerned about who she would choose to be my teacher, but I never once lacked faith that she would choose whomever with the best intentions for my future, for better or worse.

* * *

The academy was bustling with children everywhere to my great annoyance. I saw other first years swarming around for their entrance ceremony – a ceremony I would not be allowed to attend as the older kids were starting classes from the get-go. I watched my fellow age group get herded into the building while I was personally guided by one of the faculty to a classroom on the third floor.

When we reached the right room, the faculty member opened the door and ushered me in with him just for me to see the very bored and generally confused students within. I looked around at all of them without much interest as I was forced to stand next to the main instructor. The woman eyed me with a face devoid of emotion – whether that was because she didn't know how to deal with me, or because she wanted to treat me equally, or because she plain just didn't care, I couldn't say for sure. I looked back at her just as blandly.

The woman sighed and looked at her class. "Students, please meet our newest addition to the class: Mitarashi Hotaru. Due to her academic test scores, she will be participating in class with you instead of with her peers of a similar age. Don't underestimate her just because she's young. Hell, I'll bet she could teach all of you a thing or two."

How about we _not_ inspire a sense of jealousy and spark potential bullying on the very first day, huh?

A number of whispers rumbled about the classroom, and I suddenly found myself in a rather uncomfortable position.

"Mitarashi...?"

"You mean she's related to _that_ traitor?"

"What the hell? Wasn't she kicked out of the village?"

"What if that kid's really actually a spy for Orochimaru?"

"Shh! Don't say his name!"

Fuck. I'd known that I might have some trouble with people in the village for the role my sister played, but I'd never thought I be anywhere but with my own age group. These kids, though, they were only three to four years younger than Anko – they would've heard about all of the gossip surrounding her and, as all kids do, they would've rallied along with the voice of the majority at the time. Now, I was in the unfortunate position of having to deal with all of their possible prejudice and misguided hatred.

I narrowed my eyes, finding myself at a loss as I wondered how to contend with this situation, but some kids interpreted my facial expression for anger or assumed offense. kid stood up pointing at me, shouting,

"She's just here to kill us all! There's no way a kid like her would be in a class with people twice her age otherwise!"

The teacher, someone I had dismissed as just a regular person due to my own stupidity, chucked an object from her desk at the boy in question, hitting him directly on the forehead and sending him crashing back into his chair. The class suddenly fell silent as shade of killing intent swept over everyone. I stood ramrod straight as I felt the fear roll across me, my attention on the teacher as she growled out,

"I don't care what the hell you kids think. Or do you somehow believe a _five_ -year-old is going to hunt you all down, kill you, and eat you for breakfast?"

I peered up at the teacher and she directed for me to take a seat at the very front, under her watchful eye. The two kids sitting on the bench next to me only glared but otherwise stayed silent as they focused on the teacher, whose name I still didn't know. The faculty member who had guided me in bowed and left quickly, and the instructor was quick to start the lesson with a rundown of the topographical features of the Land of Lightning. No one paid me any more attention for the next few hours as people busily wrote notes down on scrolls for reading later.

I sat there for the full lessons of geography, history, and applied and practical physics – each one an hour long – until it was time to break for lunch. I chose not to move while people lazily left the classroom, with some of the kids giving me the evil eye and flipping me off to show their disgruntlement with my presence in the classroom. Other students ignored me entirely, and the little fucker who said I was some kind of spy blew me a raspberry as he walked by before joining his group of friends.

Not everyone, I noticed, had left the classroom. There were a few loners here and there – an Aburame, if I were to judge by the high-collared jacket and sunglasses, and a couple of girls in the opposite corner from him, chatting eagerly about some nonsense. I looked forward to see what the teacher was doing, but she paid me no mind and was silently eating whatever meal she'd prepared. It looked like gyouza. I loved gyouza.

I pulled out the scroll Anko had given me from one of my pockets, tossing it once in my hand before setting it down on the desktop and unrolling it completely. Letting chakra slowly overtake my hand, I lightly touched the seal in the middle of the scroll and watched my meal poof into existence right before my very eyes. Hoh man, if I could've had this kind of ability in my old world, it would've made packing _so_ much less tedious.

I pulled off the lid and peered in to see what today's menu was. Anko had gotten up and left before I'd even awoken this morning, so I never got to find out what she'd made for me. I grinned when I saw the chicken and vegetable curry and rice in the dish, but was somewhat disappointed to find an umeboshi laying in the middle of my rice.

Goddamn it all. That woman _knew_ I hated this thing. I mean, I could eat them, but the taste was way too strong for me to stomach. I didn't care how healthy it was. I barely liked plums as it was, much less _pickled_ plums. I hurriedly picked up the disgusting thing with my chopsticks, holding my left hand underneath to make sure it didn't drop onto the floor. I was hardly rude enough to just throw it away, but if I left it uneaten, Anko would only double the amount tomorrow to spite me. Eventually, I'd have nothing left in my lunchbox but the damnable things.

I looked first at the Aburame and then over at the chattering girls. Then, I looked at the teacher. She had gyouza. Maybe I'd be able to trade.

Almost immediately when I approached her, she took one look at the thing my chopsticks were holding and quickly and clearly said,

"No. Go away."

I grimaced. "Oh, come on. You don't have to trade anything. I just can't go home and leave this uneaten or my sister will kill me."

"Sounds like a personal problem to me," the teacher muttered in between bites of her delicious-looking gyouza. "Life's tough."

Damn it. What about the Aburame?

When I approached him, he turned and gave me a polite "no, thank you". Damn it.

I took one look at the girls and sighed. I wasn't even going to try.

Sitting back down, I quietly ate my curry without bothering anyone else any further, though the umeboshi went untouched for the entirety of my meal. I forced it into a corner of my dish, slapped the lid back on, and wrapped it up in a piece of cloth. Taking the first scroll, I rolled it up and traded it for a different one in my other pocket. This one already had a seal drawn on it so I could seal the bowl back up without issue. I quickly clapped charged my hands with chakra and clapped them together before touching the scroll. Like clockwork, the dish disappeared.

I'll admit it. I loved being able to do stuff like this.

I put the scroll in my pocket and subconsciously noted that it was nearly time for recess. It was only noon, and already, I was pretty exhausted. It's boring having to relearn things that you've already learnt on your own. Of course, it wasn't like I knew _all_ of the material the teacher – what the hell was her name? – had taught, but a good majority, sure.

I turned and watched the Aburame walk down the steps and leave the classroom, although the two girls on the opposite end were still deep in the midst of a conversation. The teacher was working on whatever, and I was pretty bored. I needed entertainment, and something to do far away from people who would bully me the second I walked away from this classroom. Sorry, teacher, but you're my target for today.

"Hey," I called out to her, catching the two girls' attentions as well. "What's your name?"

She gave me the most disinterested expression possible. I didn't think anyone aside from Anko was capable of it, and she was so _good_ at it, too.

"Don't act as if you don't know."

I snorted. "Name me one instance where someone called you anything other than 'sensei'."

Her eyebrows rose as she thought on my words before she leaned back in her chair with a grin. "Okay, you've got me there."

"So, your name?"

"You're training to become a ninja, right?" she said, still grinning cockily. "Use those 'skills' of yours and figure it out, kiddo."

Fucking son of a... Fine. You know what? Fine.

I stood up from my chair and glared at her before marching out of the classroom. She chuckled as I walked past and I ignored her in favor of going to the restroom. Why were all the women in my life always trying to knock me down and make life much harder than really necessary? What was wrong with just _telling_ me her name? It wasn't like I was going to write it down and make a voodoo doll of her or something. And, even if I could, I'm not so sure I would. With my luck, that would get back to me someday, somehow.

I went down the hall and used the facilities, to my immediate relief. I hadn't realized I'd gone four hours without a bathroom break for the first time in...a long time. I shouldn't have drank the pitcher of water I did for breakfast. My bladder wasn't that big, unfortunately. I got out of the toilet and went to wash my hands before slapping my face with cold water.

Okay, so there was some clear hostility from the kids at me in the classroom. That's okay. I could deal with that. The kids, while older, probably weren't of the mindset to really cause me harm yet. From a mental standpoint, I outranked them by nearly two decades. I could take whatever they dished at me. Besides, if I could somehow turn their opinions of my sister around and make them see that the village wasn't the only thing wronged by Orochimaru's deception, then so much the better. Hell, they were only freaking ten- to eleven-year-old kids. I used to _teach_ kids of that age bracket, and besides a few brats from the underworld, kids that age were generally kind and good. They still had this innocent outlook on life that separated them from middle school kids that were nothing short of hellions in disguise.

I breathed out a sigh of weariness.

"I can do this. It's only the first day. I can totally do this."

I walked out of the bathroom, head held high, and ran smack dab into one of my male classmates. Peering at him in surprise, I looked back at the bathroom to make sure I hadn't gone into the wrong bathroom. I didn't recall there being any urinals in there. I looked back at him, and realized with a sinking feeling that he was smirking quite evilly at me.

"'I can _totally_ do this'," he mocked, leaning in close to me. "You're pretty confident for a small fry."

My eyebrows raised at his audacity, though I did notice, with some discernible amount of nervousness, that there were a few more boys crowding around me. Were it just one or two boys, I could probably find a way out of my situation by either retreating or appealing to their childish indulgences. With three, four, six boys crowding me, however, I wasn't sure what all I could do.

"You've got some guts going to the girls' bathroom," the kid who had originally pegged me as a target in class said with no small degree of disgust. "What are you, some kind of faggot?"

Such words to hear from so small a child. I could hardly say I was surprised, and the only thing I took offense to was that they were somehow inferring that I was a boy simply by my hairstyle. Sure, I didn't have any breasts yet, but Heaven forbid that a girl should have short hair. Seriously?

I mentally thought back on every girl I could remember in the storyline that had had short hair at some point in time, and found myself coming up with a very short list.

Crap.

"I'm female, you pathetic excuse for a pig's refuse." Yes, brain, let's insult the people that are trying to make your life miserable. What a wonderful suggestion.

I saw a vein pulse in the boy's forehead as he screwed his face up in anger. The other boys seemed taken aback, and I heard one whisper, "If she's really a girl, maybe we should let the girls deal with her, Rouri..."

"Rouri" pushed the guy who had spoken away, as if disbelieving of the idea that anyone would back down from a five-year-old. Yes, that's right, fear me. I am your worst nightmare.

"This idiot's no _girl_! _Look_ at him!" Rouri turned back to give the cruelest expression I'd ever witnessed on a child's face. "And it's time we show him his place. Anyone with a sister like his is just looking for trouble. Let's make sure he regrets the day he was ever born."

Alarmed, I took a step back before Rouri grabbed a hold of my vest and dragged me to him. I panicked and slammed a fist of chakra into his face, sending him flying back as chakra swelled into my leg muscles as I ran away and down the hall. I heard a yell of frustration as I ran away and heard footsteps chasing after me. I didn't bother turning back as I realized I'd gone the wrong way and came face to face with the wall at the end of the hallway. I cut the chakra to my legs abruptly and nearly flew into the wall before sliding to a stop.

All six boys had been right on my heels with each step, and for the first time, I realized just how much of a gap there physically was between these kids and me. Takeya had been very correct in assuming I might have difficulty catching up to them in a year's time – these kids have been working on their skills for the past five years, minus some time in between thanks to the attack of the Kyuubi. Rouri cracked the knuckles in his hand as he walked straight up to me.

"What is your deal?" I bit out, trying to appeal to his better side. I knew he had one, – all kids did – I just didn't know how to access it.

Rouri ignored me and motioned at one of the larger kids to come forward.

"Yuuya, show this prick how we deal with traitors."

"Wait, I'm not a traitor!" I was starting to get mad now. They weren't listening! "And my sister isn't either! Why are you so quick to assume we've done anything wrong?"

My eyes narrowed as Rouri ignored me, and I was ready to march forward and attempt again when something hit me, literally. Yuuya's fist slammed straight into my face, striking my left eye with practiced grace, sending me crashing back against the wall, holding my face as I cried out from the pain. I have _never_ been hit before by anyone in my life. Not even Anko has ever hit me, and yet this _child_ , out of some misconceived prejudice for someone he has _never_ met in his damned life, comes out and strikes the first blow?

I couldn't even be as angry as I wanted because shock was all that was running through my body – well, that and pain. My eye hurt so much that I think he'd applied chakra to his throw. My hands trembled as I sat on the floor, trembling from both rage and disbelief. With my good right eye, I glared up with absolute malice at the kids who had dared to piss me off today.

Yuuya grabbed me by my vest and lifted me up as I still covered my eye with my hands while Rouri slammed a fist into my stomach. My vision blurred as I suddenly saw two to three Rouri swaying in front of me, before another kid threw yet another punch into my stomach. I don't think I even realized that I'd fallen back to the ground, rolled up in a ball as I tried to protect both my face and stomach from more strikes.

Someone kicked my back – I'm not sure who – and another struck at my legs. Eventually, I think they grew bored with their victim who wouldn't – couldn't – fight back. Someone hauled me up my by vest collar and dragged me down the hall and pushed me into some tight space. I couldn't struggle even the slightest bit as they shoved me into the small container and then slammed the door in my face. My breath came out in small puffs, my heart having accelerated from the fear and anger coursing through my body. My entire body trembled as I fell forward to lean against the door of my new prison.

I fell unconscious not too long after.

* * *

I woke up hours later to the sounds of kids racing out of their classrooms and down the hallway, and could only assume that school had been let out for the day. My left eye had already sealed shut due to lack of immediate treatment and every movement I made to just breathe hurt so deeply that I couldn't focus on anything else. I stayed there in my little closet for a long while after everyone had left – maybe twenty to thirty minutes. When all I could hear was perpetual silence, I fiddled with the door and somehow maneuvered it open, immediately falling flat on my face. The quick movement caused me to curl up on my side into a fetal position as I struggled to bypass the pain.

I had to get home. I needed to shower.

If Anko saw me like this, I didn't know what she would do. She might help me, or she might scold me for not fighting back better. The worst scenario I could think of was if she didn't bother to notice in the first place, as if this was my business and she wanted no part of it. I wasn't sure what I would do in that case.

For the first time, I think I had a vague understanding of why anyone would want to stay home alone in their room and never come out for years. If this was all I had awaiting me every day of school, then I wasn't sure how long I could tolerate it without either going berserk and finally killing someone with a real kunai, or...

I struggled to sit up slowly, and then forced myself to stand on wavering legs. My breath came out quickly – I couldn't take in deep breaths. They hadn't broken anything, I don't think, but they'd definitely bruised a couple of my rib bones. Those fuckers. I was going to exact vengeance on them one day.

I couldn't wait for it.

It took me a good five minutes to trudge into the classroom and retrieve my bag. It had, luckily, been left untouched. I paid no notice to the teacher who stared at me as if she'd seen a ghost. Her golden-brown eyes were wide, incredulous of my current status. When she stood up quickly to come tend to me, I affixed her with the most piercing stare I could manage with one eye.

"No. Get the fuck away from me," I warned softly in a rendition of what she'd told me earlier.

She stopped in her tracks as I tried to heft my bag over my shoulder a few times without success before giving up and carrying it out with me by my left hand. I felt her eyes trail after me as I walked across the classroom and left without another word. I had no interest in a teacher that couldn't anticipate that something like this would happen. Even _I'd_ managed to anticipate as much, I had just assumed it wouldn't, which was almost just as bad on my part.

My way down both staircases was tedious and wracked full of pain as each step down jolted my ribs with pain here and there. I was so happy to get to the bottom step and out the academy doors until I realized I still had another fifteen minutes of walking to get home. Maybe even longer.

I walked across the schoolyard and out of the gates leading to the main street. I never noticed the person waiting against the gate for me and walked straight past them without a word. I wanted to get home. I wanted a shower. I wanted to get my eye treated. Maybe it would be better to head to the hospital first? But, damn it, if Anko found out that way, I didn't want to think of what she might do in that situation. No, home first. Treatment later, if ever.

"Hotaru-chan?" a deep, feminine voice called out, barely registering in my mind.

With great effort, I stopped my trudging and slowly turned to look behind me at a young woman in a customary flak jacket. Her long, raven hair fell in waves over her shoulders as her piercing red eyes stared at me with dismay. I turned to look at her fully, my ribs protesting each movement.

"Yes?" I murmured, my voice somewhat raspy. I was quite proud of myself for not having broke down just yet.

The woman came up to me, seeming unsure of herself, but eventually gathered her nerve and tentatively touched my jaw as she pushed my chin up to look carefully at my eye. I noticed her eyes were a really deep ruby-red, something I'd never witnessed before. I'd have normally thought them to be unnerving, but I was hardly thinking clearly anymore at the moment. I just wanted to go home.

"What happened?" she asked, gently tilting my head one way and then another to get a better look at my swollen eye.

I just stared at her with my one good eye, my energy fading by the minute.

"Could... Could you take me home? I want to go home." My voice was childishly small, and later, I might come to hate myself for it.

The woman's gaze shifted to make eye-contact with me. I'm not certain what she saw staring back at her before she made a hesitant smile.

"Sure, let's take you home," she replied, her right hand coming up in the Ram seal in front of my face. "But for now, why don't you go ahead and sleep? Rest will do you some good."

"But I –"

I never knew what happened until I'd woken up several hours later in my own bed.

* * *

So, yeah, bullying. That's a thing. And, if you guys have never seen TFS's abridged DBZ, go watch it. Gosh, Gohan is such a prick in that series, but still so lovable.


	6. Chapter 6

Another chapter for you guys. More drama. LOLLERS, DRAMA.

* * *

It was pitch-black in my room when I opened my eyes – plural, as in both of them. My left eye still throbbed a bit, but it no longer caused me acute pain to move it around or open and shut it. I swallowed, my throat feeling dry while I pushed the covers off of me. Whoever had tucked me in did it with the intention that I wouldn't be able to move while unconscious. As soon as I'd sat up, though, I'd begun to understand why.

My ribs hurt something fierce as I shifted my body around. I couldn't see the exactly, but my hands felt the coarseness of the bandages wrapped around my chest. I rubbed at them underneath my pajama shirt, frowning as I realized that I would have preferred to never have needed to deal with this. My breath shuddered out as I recalled how I'd been hurt in the first place, and just as quickly, anger swept through my body like a storm. No, I wasn't just angry, I was fucking pissed. Those fucking miscreants chose to mess with the wrong person, and I wasn't so above being childish in that I was ready to sic Anko on them the first chance I got. My sister, however, wouldn't be around to save me all the time, if she was even interested in doing so, so I would have to figure out a way to get back at them myself. That meant training, which meant I needed time to prepare. Until then, I'd need to find a way to escape in case I found myself surrounded again.

I looked around my room, my eyes having already adjusted to the lack of light as I tried to figure out what time it was. I was lucky in that my room also had a window to peer out of, but the sky was overcast with clouds, so there was no telling where the moon was. I slowly slid out of my bed, my right hand immediately moving to rest against my bandages – my ribs were really bothering me. My back was causing me some annoyance as well, but that was nothing too, too tedious to try to ignore. I think my legs were the only part of my body that had gone unmarred in some way.

When I shuffled over to the door so I could head to the kitchen for a late snack, – I hadn't been able to eat dinner, I now recalled – I saw that there was a small stream of light coming in from beneath the door. It couldn't have been all that late, then, if Anko was still up. She had work in the morning, after all, and was pretty good about getting to bed before ten, at the latest. I tilted my head. I wasn't looking forward to what she would have to say about my condition, if she had anything to say at all.

I opened my bedroom door and slipped out of my room, slowly shuffling down the hallway and into the living room. I carefully glanced around the corner to see Anko lounging on the couch, her eyes narrowed but lacking the normal fire I was used to. She didn't seem to notice me as she continued looking straight ahead with a frown set on her face. She seemed resigned and that worried me. Anko was a fighter and wasn't one to give up easily, but looking at her now, I wondered what had happened to put her in this particular mood.

Seated next to her, I saw the woman from hours earlier, looking pensive and concerned as she, too, looked straight forward. Maybe were I of a better mindset, I would have been thrilled to meet the great Yuuhi Kurenai – I'd always liked her in the manga and anime, and was a bit annoyed that she'd been taken out of the action so easily because of her baby. It seemed like she could have accomplished so much more during the story that it was a shame she'd never gotten the chance. She, alongside of Anko, had been one of my favorite female characters. I'd loved how gentle and loving she'd always been with her team and future husband, but it was kind of sad to see her with an uncharacteristic frown on her face. She'd only ever showed that to her enemies, or when she was deeply worried about something.

When I came fully into the living room, both of the women snapped their gaze over to look at me, Kurenai with a smile already prepared, and Anko with a mounted frown affixed to her face.

"What are you doing up? It's late," my sister commented, her tone sounding somewhat distracted.

"I'm hungry. I was going to get a snack and then go back to bed."

A strange expression appeared on her face as she looked at me before she slowly got up from the couch. Anko walked across the room into the kitchen to get a frying pan out and I frowned myself.

"If there's nothing already there, then I'll just go back to bed."

"No," she said, shutting me down immediately. "Just go and sit on the couch. This won't take long. Kurenai," she called out, looking at her friend, "do you want anything?"

"Don't worry about me," Kurenai answered, waving me over. "Dinner earlier was more than enough."

As much as I would've liked to argue the point, my injuries were weighing down heavily on me, and the sofa looked incredibly inviting. I wasn't sure how long I'd been out, but I was still ridiculously exhausted – my body was requiring more energy and resources than normal to heal my wounds, and despite apparently receiving a bit of medical care, I still needed far more time to rest and relax. I looked at Kurenai tiredly.

"You used genjutsu on me, didn't you?" I asked, my voice barely louder than a murmur.

Anko snorted from her place in the kitchen as Kurenai's eyebrows rose slightly. She then had the grace to look a bit chagrined and contrite for forcibly putting me under a genjutsu with me none the wiser.

"I told you she'd figure it out," Anko was quick to say to her friend, the knife in her hand chopping quickly as she cut a few carrots up.

Kurenai sighed at Anko's commentary, but did not attempt to counter my sister's words. She turned to look at me fully, her leg sliding up onto the couch's cushions as her shadowed eyes focused on me. I continued to lean back into the sofa, my eyes half-lidded as I tried to stay awake, at least until my food was ready.

"I'm sorry about putting you under like that," apologized the red-eyed woman next to me. "I was concerned about the graveness of condition, and didn't want to leave anything to chance. You had also seemed ready to drop from pain when we met, and I thought this would prove to be an easier, less problematic experience for you to endure, as opposed to forcing you to stay awake and alert."

I closed my eyes. "I'm hardly upset, Yuuhi-san. You obviously know what you're doing. Besides, you were the one Anko asked to oversee my training, right? She'd never bother with that if you couldn't be trusted."

Silence ensued after my response, and the only sound heard was the sound of oil crackling in the frying pan. I forced my eyes back open to see Kurenai looking at me with a strange expression on her face, as if I was a mystery she couldn't figure out how to understand. She continued to frown at me, eyebrows furrowed as she regarded me silently, her red eyes never once looking away from mine.

"How are you feeling?" she finally asked, voice low and soft.

"Like I got hit by a bunch of people and was left for dead," I deadpanned. "I'm tired, in pain, _hungry_..."

Anko glared at me from the kitchen as she took the pan off of the burner. The food contents went directly into a bowled plate barely a moment after, and she stuck the pan into the sink for washing later. Kurenai gently pulled me to the middle of the couch, taking into account all of my injuries, as Anko plopped her butt at the right end where I'd initially been. She passed over the plate of food to me, complete with chopsticks. I took it into my small hands, too tired to even smile half-heartedly at the steaming pile of stir-fried vegetables and chunks of meat spread before me.

Kurenai smiled kindly as I maneuvered my chopsticks to begin eating, and I saw that even Anko's eyes had softened somewhat as she, too, watched me. Pulling one foot up onto the couch, my sister rested her cheek on her upraised knee, both she and Kurenai watching me eat silently. I'm not sure what they were thinking inside their heads, but for me, it was quite awkward to be the cause of such attention, and it made it a little difficult to eat without wondering if I was supposed to be tidier and cleaner as I did. I was halfway through my meal when Anko finally posed a question that appeared to have been eating at her the entire time.

"I'm curious," she began, choosing her words carefully as she paid me close attention. "What exactly happened today, anyway?"

Kurenai's smile faded as she grew more attentive, too. She had obviously pondered the same question as well.

"I got beat up," I answered, not giving any real details away. I wasn't sure what exactly to say, and I figured that telling the whole story truthfully might cause a few issues.

For one, if Anko ever caught wind that I was being bullied because of her influence, I wasn't sure what that might do to our delicate relationship. We had enough problems communicating as it was already – if ever the real cause behind my current state got out, I felt like that would only brew a number of troubles that no one in the village was prepared for. I also, honestly, couldn't say that I trusted her to let bygones be bygones, or that she might somehow blame me for my mounting problems. She had already blamed me for her problems once – there was no denying that she might attempt to do so once again, given good enough reason.

I hated that I couldn't trust her, but she hasn't given me much reason to do so yet.

It wasn't just her who I couldn't really trust either. I couldn't trust the Hokage, because anyone who would put a child through the kind of experience Naruto went through in order to force him into a hero in his own right was nothing short of strange to me. He'd also forced this living situation on the two of us, not even bothering to allow Anko any real choice at all, nor me, for that matter. That was already two strikes against him. I could hardly remember the other dastardly things he'd done for the sake of the village, but needless to say, he was not worthy of my trust, in my opinion. I couldn't allow myself that kind of possibly fatal weakness.

I couldn't trust Anko because of all the problems that had been foisted upon her by Orochimaru. Orochimaru had tried to use her to accomplish his every whim, and could very well have killed her had her curse seal not been sealed away as it had. It still caused her constant pain every now and then – I could hear her whimper at night, though I would never inform her of that much. I also couldn't trust her because I'd never once really felt safe in her presence. There was always the possibility, in the back of my mind, that Anko would somehow find a way to get rid of me. There was nothing wrong with that, of course, but I just didn't want to deal with yet another rejection. Then again, that was probably just my selfishness speaking. I was uncertain of her motivations concerning me, and this made me feel guiltier and guiltier every time I acknowledged it.

Kurenai was someone else I found that I couldn't trust. I liked her, and I appreciated her kind and gentle nature, but she was loyal to Anko. If something happened, I was certain that she would be sure to take Anko's side – not because of any particularly cruel, misplaced feelings towards me, but because I was an unknown, and she _knew_ Anko better. If she didn't love and trust Anko as much as she was sure to in my mind, then there was no way Kurenai would ever have continued being friends with my sister after hearing of Orochimaru's treachery. That required real and genuine trust, and despite Anko not being able to return the feelings completely as of the moment, I know that, in her heart, she was nothing short of grateful for the unconditional love given her.

My academy... Well, it went without saying I couldn't trust the classmates I'd just met, nor the teacher who had been unprepared for what it might mean if a five-year-old joined a class of ten- to eleven-year-olds. I couldn't care less what she tried to do to make up for her ineptitude because, for me, the damage had already been wrought.

I hated that I couldn't trust anyone, and I hated that I wouldn't allow myself to trust anyone.

I clutched my plate of half-eaten food tighter. I could try to continue fooling myself as I'd done for the past month or so, but I knew that I was definitely alone in this world. No matter how incapable I might be of trusting them, I still wanted them to be okay. So, it was with this reasoning – both an inability to trust and an unwillingness to create more ripples in the pond – that I chose not to give any more details than I felt necessary.

Anko glared at me again. "Yes, that is obvious. What we'd like to know is _why_. What happened to cause this?"

I restrained myself from pointing out that she'd asked _what_ happened, not the _why_ behind it.

"It was just the normal, garden-variety bullying. Not a big deal."

Kurenai looked troubled as Anko snapped, "Bone bruises all over your ribs. Nearly bruised kidneys. A black eye. Bruised abdominal muscles. What about that indicates 'garden-variety bullying'? If they had somehow broken your ribs, those bone shards could have torn into your lungs, or worse, your damn heart! You're lucky those kids hadn't been just a bit older, because you can bet that you would probably be dead!"

"And wouldn't you just like that?" I muttered my innermost fear, unfortunately loud enough for both women to hear.

I could've heard a pin drop onto the carpet for how quiet it had suddenly become in the room. I swear the room had grown a bit colder as we three sat there on the couch, no one budging an inch. I looked down at my food, no longer hungry enough to partake in it.

Anko turned away, a muscle in her jaw jumping to belie her anger. Kurenai wisely stayed out of our little spat, only carefully monitoring both sides just in case intervention became necessary. Her eyes switched back and forth between us, and I could see the muscles in her legs tautening as she grew warier.

"I'm," Anko started, breathing in slowly, "going to forget you said that. Ignoring whatever you may think of me, all I'm asking is that you tell me what happened, and reason for it. Do you think you could manage that much for me?"

I immediately felt guilty, but chose not to acknowledge the feeling because that could have been chuunin Anko speaking, as opposed to just talking to me as my sister. I pushed the feeling down to a place where I placed all the feelings I didn't want to acknowledge and shrugged.

"They were just offended by my presence, I guess. I wasn't what they were expecting and it caused some alarm."

Both women shared a concerned glance over my head, as if I couldn't notice.

Kurenai finally spoke up, asking, "Your presence? What do you mean by that?"

I gestured to my hair. "I look like a boy. When they saw me coming out of the girls' bathroom, they thought I was a pervert and a faggot, apparently. Maybe they thought I was trying to peek in on the girls. I can't say I blame their reaction – men like that disgust me, as well."

A half-truth. They had definitely been angered that someone who looked like me would be so audacious as to go into the "wrong" bathroom. I'd also never considered that my hairstyle would cause me any sort of issue, but that was definitely my fault. I couldn't blame anyone else for that.

Anko seemed confused. "They beat you up that much because you...look like a boy?"

At my nod, her face blanked completely. "Let me get this straight. They thought you looked like a boy, and so they beat you up almost to the point of requiring hospitalization."

I nodded again, and a red hue spread across her cheeks as her eyes darkened from anger.

"And you expect me to believe that?"

"I expect you'll believe whatever it is you think to be true," I answered, definitely no longer hungry and no longer in a mood to talk to about this. "To each his or her own."

Anko took me by the shoulders, forcing me to look straight at her. Her fingers gripped tightly over my shirt, and I could see her trying to keep herself from hurting me.

"I'm _not_ your enemy here!" she said harshly, her voice raising with each word. "I just want to know what's going on, and how I can deal with it! If there's something I can do, then I want to know! If something happened that you're worried about, you can tell me, and I will do my best to take care of it! I can't read your mind and you're giving me absolutely nothing to work with. Stop pushing me away!"

My fears overtaking my ability to maturely reason, I narrowed my own eyes, baring my teeth as I snapped back, "You pushed me away first, and now I'm suddenly supposed to be able to trust you? Back off – I'll take care of my own problems!"

Anko's eyes widened slightly and I pushed my bowl of half-eaten food into her stomach, forcing her to automatically take her hands away from my shoulder and hold onto the plate to keep it secure. She watched me get up off of the couch as quickly as I could, no sound making its way out of her mouth.

"I'm not hungry anymore," I muttered, gritting my teeth. "I'm going back to bed."

Anko continued to gape as I began to shuffle away before she swiftly set the food onto the couch cushion, fluidly standing up at the same time.

"Hotaru!" she called out, her tone practically commanding that I listen.

Kurenai jumped out of her seat with the steady grace of a strong kunoichi, quickly grabbing a hold of Anko's arm as she pulled the latter back. Anko fought back, eager to get a better understanding of the situation when Kurenai's patience finally broke down.

"Anko, enough!" the raven-haired woman hissed.

I stared at the two warily until Kurenai nodded for me to leave, and then turned my head and walked away, the act of brushing my teeth not even on my mind. I pushed myself to walk back to my room, barely crossing into it when I heard,

"There's no way in hell that's all that happened, Kurenai, and you know it!"

"Anko-chan," Kurenai reasoned as calmly as she could, "forcing her into a situation that makes her so uncomfortable isn't going to help anyone. You need to be patient until she's ready to confide in you."

"Those fucking brats... If I could just _understand_ , then, I don't know, maybe I could do something about it?" Her voice sounded a bit muffled. "How did it come down to this?"

"You know I mean well, Anko-chan, but, let me ask you honestly: are you sure you'd be ready to deal with whatever happened had she told you?"

There was a small moment of silence before Kurenai continued: "That kind of confidence is the start of a deeper relationship, Anko-chan... Are you sure you're ready for that kind of responsibility? Are you mentally prepared for what that will mean for you?"

I shut my door quietly to block out the information. Whatever answer Anko might have given was an answer I, myself, wasn't fully prepared to hear. Like Kurenai had said, this all could possibly lead to a bit of growth within our relationship, and that could go either way. At the moment, I couldn't trust Anko. I knew that. It was obvious to me. At this stage, though, I think we were both secure in that cold belief. Advancing further could potentially make the rift smaller, or throw us even further apart.

I was content in my fear, and was content to keep things as they were. Change wasn't always good.

With that dread taking over my mind, it took me a long while to fall asleep that night.

* * *

"Women are not a part of this world for the sole purpose of having children and catering to men, but for finding a way to ensure that such catering will open a door to more vital information."

Ibara Suzume, or Suzume-sensei as we were supposed to call her, walked forward smoothly, her facial expression cross as she swept her gaze over all of her students. Her eyes, a pale hazel-yellow, glanced at me once before she turned away and gently touched the top of her desk with incredible grace.

The class was nearly over after nearly an hour of trying to walk around with the sex appeal of a skilled kunoichi, although I think that most of us looked something short of a beached walrus with hip problems. I'd never thought to use my femininity as a type of weapon in my previous life, so this was a rather interesting, new experience. I hadn't known there were so many different ways to walk across the room: one way showed fright, another showed bookish charm, with yet another showing no-nonsense command. Each particular walk would open a path to discovering more information from specific men – or women – and allow for better infiltration. Each motion – a wink, a slight sway of the hips, the angle of one's foot as she walked – led to a way to possibly unlock something of importance.

Needless to say, I found all of this to be incredibly entertaining and informative. Behavioral social sciences were always intriguing, and that a person could be lulled into a state of false pretense simply based on the way I walked was a weapon I wanted in my arsenal. I wasn't into flower arranging or sexual confrontation much, but this? I could work with this.

"The saying goes that women are weak, helpless, and fragile when faced against terrible opposition or horrible circumstances," Suzume-sensei continued, sliding her fingers slowly against the desktop. "However, allow me to inform you that this is hardly the case for a trained kunoichi. You say the kunoichi is weak? I declare that she allowed herself to show you a sign of weakness so that you would wish to protect her and demonstrate your masculinity. You say she is helpless? That was only to lure you into a sense of false security where you would be the dominating factor in the relationship, such that it might be. Fragile? Fragility is but a state of mind – none are less fragile than a kunoichi when she has already slipped a poison into your tonic that will render you incapable of combat."

Oh, poisons were cool, too. I could go for those, too.

A slow smile full of charm and confidence made its way across Suzume-sensei's face, making her seem cool-headed, yet utterly captivating. Her gaze once again passed over everyone in the room and she walked across to the front row where an Uchiha girl was sitting, wide-eyed at what she was seeing. Suzume-sensei leaned in, softly cupping the girl's cheek as she continued to smile so wonderfully.

Then, without warning, a kunai slammed into the wood behind the Uchiha, making the girl yelp and jump. She swirled around and stared at the kunai that had been so close to her head before staring back up at our teacher. Suzume-sensei, however, was no longer smiling, and merely reached forward to pull out her kunai and twirl it in her hand. The Uchiha glanced around herself quickly before narrowing her eyes as she tried to calm down.

I could imagine her fear. I'd felt that thunk from well across the room as it was. That had been quite the shock.

"Every part of you is a weapon!" barked Suzume-sensei, her eyes fierce. "As you grow and mature, men will leer and stare at you, desiring something they will never be able to have, and you will _use_ that to draw out every piece of information they might have. If a man indicated he takes a fancy to your breasts, wear your clothing in a way that his eyes will be drawn to those instead of your hand as you spike their drink. Maybe the man likes beings submissive in bed. Use that against him – I would say this would be easiest mission ever granted to a kunoichi."

She banged her fist against her desk as if to emphasize a point. "Men are useless when put against a woman who is well aware of her abilities and has an incredible amount of finesse available at her fingertips. As a kunoichi, you may be the only route left to securing a misshapen mission! Do not allow anyone to take that strength away from you, be it a friend, your husband or boyfriend, or anyone else. Once you lose this power, you lose what it means to be you, and I wouldn't wish that upon anyone."

Our teacher glanced once at the clock before nodding slowly. "Today's class is over, but I look forward to seeing you again next week. You're dismissed."

I didn't bother moving as one girl after another filtered out of the room to go home for the day. I stared warily at the door leading out into the corridor. I'd missed three days of school this week because of my condition, and while my homeroom teacher never let me out of her sight until she had been certain that the main troublemakers had been out of my vicinity, I was concerned about what might happen now that school was over. Rouri and his groupies had been none too pleased to find me sitting in the classroom this morning, save for that one boy who had tried pleading my case a bit. The look on Rouri's face had been enough to tell me I needed find a detour out of the building that would, in no way, alert anyone else. In other words, I had to try to be a ninja. Lucky me.

Without thinking, I reached my hand into my pocket to feel at a piece of paper. When I'd woken up this morning, I'd gone into the kitchen for a meal and had found five slips of paper with seals on them sitting on the kitchen table next to the scrolls for my lunch. They'd all been sitting right next to a note with Anko's elegant writing on it reading: " _Attach chakra to these slips when you find yourself in trouble. Only for situations where you need to escape. Also, Kurenai will be waiting for you again today, same place as before. – Anko._ "

I didn't know what they'd do and hadn't had time to figure it out. Anko and I hadn't exchanged a single word of conversation since Monday, and I almost felt like we'd taken a step backwards. I couldn't blame her though – it was unfair to her that I consistently compared her to the person she used to be as opposed to who she was now. I'd trusted the younger Anko implicitly, but now...

 _"I'm_ not _your enemy here! Stop pushing me away!"_

I wasn't even sure who I was trying to protect at this point: myself, or my memory of her. Whatever I was doing, it was only causing the both of us pain right now.

I fiddled with the paper more before again looking at the door. I needed to go. Maybe I could jump from the window?

Suzume-sensei frowned as she saw me continue to sit at my desk.

"Is there a reason you've stayed behind, Mitarashi-san?" she asked softly, without even a touch of warmth.

I looked back at her with a mirthless smile. "Just considering my options."

My answer perplexed her, but instead of being amused, I quickly stood up. Instead of going out of the door, I jogged across to the other side of the room and jumped onto the window sill. My teacher narrowed her eyes at my actions, but I simply waved and jumped out from the third story window.

The ground raced up to meet me as I fell. I forced chakra into my legs for a clean landing and the moment I landed, I heard a bark of laughter. My legs were trembling from the fall, but I made certain to stand up as, lo and behold, Rouri came walking around the corner, his arms crossed across his chest. Behind him drew up the large boy named Yuuya, and from behind me, the last four of the group.

Damn it, I'd miscalculated. I'd hope they'd think I'd take the route through school to get out.

"Hah, I'm sure glad that Riki was waiting over here for you," Rouri cackled, much to my annoyance. "It would've been a real pain to have missed you."

"A set of stalkers," I said wryly, glancing back behind me. "Just what I wanted."

For fuck's sake, the stupid boy had posted sentries? Seriously? Did these kids have _nothing_ else to do?

"I'd thought you'd left for good," Rouri continued, cracking his knuckles. "You should've stayed home, little faggot."

I fingered the paper in my pocket, concerned that I'd have to use it. If I could somehow make it out to Kurenai, I wouldn't have to worry about them bugging me after that, but until then... The chakra paper was starting to look better and better.

Yuuya immediately stepped forward and Rouri grinned menacingly.

Fucker. You've got nothing on my sister. Her middle name may as well be "menacing".

As soon as the big boy was near me, he, predictably, threw a punch that flew through the air straight at me. I took in a deep breath and pushed myself away by expelling chakra out of my feet and sending me rolling across the ground. The boys seemed taken aback by my one-time quick movement, and I, myself, was surprised that I'd managed to evade the blow. My eyes narrowed the moment I realized they had snapped out of their funk and were rearing in on me. My hand slid into my pocket as I grabbed a piece of paper with two fingers and pulled it out in a flash. Yuuya was about to grab my vest when I funneled chakra out of my hand and into the seal on the paper.

Someone must have noticed something because I heard a cry of "get back!" before an explosion of black smoke surged through the area, clouding all seven us with an intense smog. Several of the boys cried out with confusion as they coughed and I held my forearm over my mouth to block out the pollution. I could barely see the silhouettes of them as they tried to get their bearings. No, I wouldn't give them that time.

I ducked around Yuuya, pushed more chakra into my legs, and leapt out of the smog high into the air and far away from them. As soon as my feet hit the ground, I grunted from the jolt as my ribs protested. I heard someone complain that I was getting away, and saw them running out of the smog themselves to catch up with me. With my teeth gritted, I dashed away from them as fast as I could, seeing the entrance only a hundred meters or so away. Just when thought I might get away scot-free, a boy whose name I didn't know appeared in front of me almost out of thin air.

He glared at me with irritation present in his eyes and stalled long enough for the other boys to join him.

"You're dead," Rouri growled out.

"Not today," I declared, slamming my fist against the tall, wooden fence.

They stared at me as if I were crazy, but I only shook my head.

" _KURENAI_!" I shouted, hoping to God that she was where she'd been on Monday.

Rouri frowned. "What the fuck is a –"

I'm not sure how she managed it, but one second, Rouri was ready to hit me himself, and the next, a woman was standing right in front me, her hair still flowing gently from her arrival. I let out a sigh of relief even as the boys backed away, staring at the newcomer with disdain and a touch of fear.

I couldn't see her expression, but I saw Kurenai tilt her head back and whatever she'd shown them had sent them running away screaming. Rouri pointed a finger back at me, yelling,

"This isn't over, you bastard! We'll get you later!"

Kurenai's arms folded across her chest as she pegged the boy with a glare, sending him running and squealing like a pig. I smirked at the sight, completely happy with the results of having a kickass older acquaintance.

As soon the boys were all gone, Kurenai turned back around to look at me, red eyes full of concern.

"I take it that was them? The ones who did that to you?"

I sighed, falling down to my butt on the ground. "Yeah."

"And, you aren't going to tell Anko-chan, are you?" Her tone was a bit accusatory. "You should."

I simply held out another piece of paper with a seal drawn on it. The second Kurenai saw it, she sighed and shook her head. I guess she knew Anko's writing well enough to know where I'd gotten it, though she still seemed annoyed. I wasn't sure if she was more annoyed at me or her friend though, but she let bygones be bygones, and didn't question me any further on the matter.

"Let's get started on your training then," Kurenai instead said, holding out a hand to help me up.

"Right-o," I replied, taking the hand and getting hauled to my feet.

I just hoped she wouldn't spam me with a bunch of genjutsu.

* * *

Tell me how you like/dislike it, yeah?


	7. Chapter 7

Kinda shortish, but I didn't want to include the next scene with Kurenai in this one. I'll leave that for later.

* * *

Breathe in, breathe out. Look left, look right. Up, down, behind, in front.

Ground myself. Recognize my surroundings. Get a hold of my bearings.

Her red eyes peered down at me as I lowered my center of gravity, one hand reaching out in front of me as for blocking purposes as my right hand clenched into a fist near my side. Sliding my left foot back, I brought in my left hand, clenching it into a fist as I threw my balance to my right, shifting across the grass as smoothly as an amateur was capable. My ninja sandals barely faced resistance as I swept my entire left side forward into a sharp straight, my breath escaping as soon as I launched it.

Then, without further ado, I fell back into my initial pose with my arms crossing diagonally across my chest. I swung my right foot back around and turned swiftly to look behind me, throwing a quick jab before drawing back, my right knee rising to meet the elbow of my right forearm to block a potential blow as my left fist tucked in next to my body. My right leg then extended as fast as it was able, a side kick immediately striking at my invisible enemy.

My heart pumped hard in my chest as I stared out across the field. I pulled my leg back, setting it firmly on the ground before drawing my left foot towards my right, my right hand instantly settling into my cupped left as I bowed deeply to my nonexistent opponent. I stood up fully, ready to begin the process all over again, when she raised a hand, stopping me.

"That's enough for today," Yuuhi-san – no, _Kurenai_ , as she wanted to be called – informed me.

My chest rose and fell with each shallow breath I took and I'm sure an expression of incredulousness showed on my face.

"What?" I gasped out, bending over and setting my hands on my knees as I fought to catch my breath. "Already? I swear that I almost had it. We can't stop yet!"

Kurenai smiled. "While I appreciate your enthusiasm..."

Suddenly, the world crashed around me as my eyes flew open to see Kurenai sitting down seiza-style in front of me. Sweat poured down my face and I felt as if I'd run a marathon, instead of working out from within a genjutsu.

"...It's fairly late. It's time to wrap it up for today," she finished, looking somewhat tired herself for having operated such a genjutsu for the past three hours.

My eyes zipped left and right as I looked around me. Dusk had long since fallen and the two of us were indeed sitting in the early evening darkness with only an overcast moon for light and some darker hues of blue and purple out in the distance. I wiped my brow with the back of a hand, sighing softly as all of my adrenaline flew out of my body. Falling back against the grass, my right forearm draped over my face, I attempted to forget that Kurenai, contrary to her sweet, loving personality, was a fucking totalitarian dictator of an instructor.

"Are you all right?" I heard her ask.

"Oh, you know, just fine. I only feel like I've been kicked in the balls a few times."

"And how would you know how that felt?" she continued asking with a small snort of amusement.

"I can only imagine."

So, because I technically am not authorized to physically push myself, Kurenai came up with a solution that would allow me to train and learn basic forms and katas outside of the physical realm. So, from the moment she told me to sit on the ground and relax my body, the woman immediately thrust me into a genjutsu that was a complete copy to the world around me. While physically, I'd been sitting down Indian-style, staring blankly at her real self, my mental self was inside the genjutsu, learning how to punch, kick, block, and the first form of kata that all academy students learn.

While I wouldn't have muscle memory left over from the training, because my mind could recall every movement I made constantly without interruption, I could then apply that to real life as soon as I was cleared to train by her. I also hadn't been constrained by limits of endurance and stamina in the genjutsu, so I really _was_ able to keep going and going as if I were a living Energizer Bunny. Kurenai had also implanted a part of herself in the genjutsu that would correct my every mistake calmly and collectively. She was, honestly, a very good teacher.

She was also a total bitch.

"I'm tired," I might say, to which she responded that I wasn't physically doing anything and that this was all within my mind. When I tried to argue that the mental scope of a person is also somewhat dependent on their physical capability, she replied that that theory was utter nonsense, and that if I actually had any intention of getting stronger, then I needed to separate my understanding of what I thought to be true with what was actually true. In other words, I needed to allow myself to forget the limits I'd personally set for myself as a normal human being and push past them, or I wouldn't get anywhere.

Kurenai said this all with a smile, and then made me do the same, _boring_ punch on and on until _she_ got bored. That's why I say that she's a dictator. She's nice about it, sure, but only the vindictive could take any joy in forcing a young girl to repetitively do the most boring movements over and over with a smile on their face. She was scary. There was nothing entertaining about a punch after the first two hundred times.

Maybe I was just being immature about it all. I did need to grow stronger, and this was a great way to do so. I don't know why I was whining.

Oh, wait, I know. Maybe because she spammed me with a _fucking_ genjutsu? Yeah, that might be why.

I'd called it. I'd _fucking_ called it.

Jesus Christ, this woman, man.

I shifted my gaze around to pass her a small glare, but she was frowning as she looked off in the distance. She then looked back at me kindly and finally stood up from where she'd been sitting for the past few hours. When she held out a hand, I took it without a word, and she hauled me up from where I laid.

"Let's get you home," Kurenai told me, and I only nodded in agreement.

As we left the training ground, the two of us initially walking quietly until we crossed the threshold back into town.

"Does it cost money to rent a training ground?" I asked, genuinely curious. I wasn't sure if it was a tally system, a pay forward system, a ledger system, or what.

"Not at all," she smoothly answered, eyes glancing back and forth as she took scope of all around us. "One merely needs to sign up for a specific placement, though each training ground is only given in order of importance or rank of the one seeking assignment. In other words, the Hokage would, of course, be granted favor first, and then the special corps, then jounin, chuunin, genin, and then academy students. It's simple enough, and I was lucky that I could secure somewhere, though this type of training can be done literally anywhere, so it wouldn't have been too much of a setback had I been denied the grounds."

"So," I persisted, "what if there's a team of genin that need space, but a group of ANBU are also vying for somewhere. Given that the ANBU are technically higher in capability, couldn't they essentially pursue their training anywhere?"

"No," Kurenai immediately said. "All things considered, you're right – ANBU should be able to train anywhere, but we cannot send them out of the village far enough from everyplace else for training in case of an emergency. It is unfortunate, but the genin team would need to wait for another available space to open up later."

I mulled that over a bit. In a way, I'd think ensuring that the kids might hold more importance because if they were unable to gain any real skill, then they were basically sitting ducks just in case of an attack on the village. ANBU had more resources to work with whereas the genin were at the bottom of the totem pole with nowhere else to go.

"What if it were a genin team full of clan kids versus a genin team of nameless people? Who would gain full rights first?"

Her red eyes turned to me, displaying a bit of amusement. "You're an inquisitive little thing, aren't you?"

"I'm just wondering if hierarchy has any real significance, or if it's dependent on the level of experience either team has, or how well fought the jounin is."

"It does," Kurenai answered slowly. "Unfortunately, should both jounin be equally qualified, then yes, hierarchy comes into play and the clan kids would receive first preference."

"Figures," I muttered. My questions really didn't have any kind of meaning now, but if I ever planned to train by myself in the future, I needed to be aware of the chances of receiving a space to do so within the village. I'd, of course, never be allowed to go outside without supervision, so that was a moot point. I didn't even bother questioning the fact.

Kurenai rubbed her fingers through my hair softly. "Now, if you don't mind, I've a few questions myself. May I?"

My body immediately stiffened as I grew wary of what she might ask. I knew she was concerned about Anko's and my relationship, but I wasn't sure I was really prepared to talk to her, or anyone else for that matter, about it.

"Depends," I finally responded.

Her eyes narrowed slightly but she didn't comment on my sudden defensive nature.

"Now, Anko has asked that I continue mentoring you to acquire the basics, and while I don't have any issues with doing so, I do wonder," she began, voice lowering as we continued walking, "what is to be gained from this?"

"Pardon?" This wasn't a particular line of questioning I'd prepared myself for.

She turned her gaze away, thankfully. "Were you an ordinary child, I wouldn't bother asking, but I've had to reconcile myself with the fact that you do not act five. In some ways, you most certainly do, but you ask questions no five-year-old has business caring about. It almost makes me wonder..."

She looked down at me again, suspicion obvious in her expression, and I stilled entirely. I forgot to continue walking and she also paused a few steps away from me, giving us both ample personal space.

"I wonder," she started again. "In the future, what do you hope to become? Why am I taking time out of my day to train you? What will this all lead to?"

"That's a fairly loaded question," I commented, evading what she'd asked. "It makes me wonder why you seem so suspicious of me."

Was this something we really needed to be discussing out in the street? Although, after having taken a real good look around me, there weren't many people walking about, so I supposed it was as safe as any.

"Are you afraid of me?" Kurenai asked in a low, somewhat deadly voice. "I pose no danger to you, Hotaru-chan."

Bullshit. I wouldn't even be able to run away if you thought I was a danger to anyone in this village.

A hand rising to settle at her hip, Kurenai stared down at me, her red eyes almost glowing. "Now, why don't you try answering the questions I've asked?"

"I-, I don't know what I want to be," I stuttered, much to my shame. I normally didn't frighten easily. "I would just like to get out of academy without getting myself killed by underage bullies."

"What appeals most to you? Power? Destruction? Knowledge? An ability to heal?"

"Survival," I muttered. "Plain and simple. If power grants me that, fine. If destroying something does, great. If knowledge supplies a means to staying alive, awesome. If I have to heal others to be healed, all right then. I don't have any particular preference."

Her eyes gleamed even more, and I felt something press down on me. Fear raced through my body like ice through my veins, and for a moment, I remember that the person in front of me was a seventeen-year-old chuunin, a woman who had dealt with much death and destruction herself, and was an up-and-coming kunoichi with a bright future ahead of her. It grew harder to swallow and I felt my chin lower slightly as I continued to make eye contact with her.

"Last question," Kurenai said, her voice no longer kind and caring. "Are you, or will you ever be, a danger to Mitarashi Anko? You are her sister, and thus I hesitate to ask, but unlike normal children, you rebuffed her kindness. Unlike any other lost sibling who would be overjoyed to be reunited with family, you looked at her as if she were a suspicious stranger, meant to be watched warily without any give whatsoever. What are your intentions towards her? Answer carefully."

I gritted my teeth. "I remember who she was before, and I can't help but continue to compare how different her present and past selves are. I don't have any ill intentions towards her, but I can't just accept her as if nothing happened. She was gone for _two_ years. That's a significant amount of time when you're young, and more than long enough to become estranged from one another. I don't want to hurt her, but we can't act as if that rift isn't there."

She just stared at me before raising a hand in the form of a Ram seal. "You are not the five-year-old you claim to be, but your intentions seem pure."

With a flash, I found myself suddenly staring at the door to my apartment, beads of sweat running down my face as my heart beat rapidly. I slowly inched my gaze up to look at her standing right next to me as she knocked on the door. Kurenai spared me a small smile of reassurance.

"And I can work with that."

Another stab of fear sunk into my heart as the door opened to my tired-looking sister. Anko held the door open wide enough for me to shakily walk inside. I heard her and Kurenai exchange a few words as I walked into the living room, barefoot, my eyes staring at nothing as I recalled the conversation the red-eyed woman and I had just had. I slowly turned to look back towards the door, only to see Kurenai give me a gentle wave coupled with a smile.

"See you tomorrow, bright and early, Hotaru-chan."

My hands trembled as I considered what might be in store for the next day, but I saw Anko's eyes peering at me curiously. I forced my mouth into a shaky grin and waved back.

"Looking forward to it."

God, someone save me.

After shutting the door, my sister turned back to look at me, an eyebrow raised. "What's your deal?"

Kurenai's last words rang through my head and I shuddered again. "I'm experiencing a living nightmare."

That made her stop completely and just stare. Then, a corner of her mouth quirked up.

"Let me guess," Anko joked, her arms crossing across her chest. "She put you under a genjutsu for 'training'."

"It isn't funny," I muttered. Kurenai was unbelievably scary. And those questions... Was she on to me?

"No," Anko agreed, her smile fading. "It isn't. Kurenai would use a genjutsu for anything and everything if she could manage it and had the chakra to back her up. It's pretty frightening how she'll strike first and question the matter later."

Then she turned away, muttering, "And she wonders why she's still a chuunin..."

After a few moments, Anko sighed and cracked her neck a couple of times as she walked into the kitchen. She opened the refrigerator and looked inside, with me coming up behind her to stick my head in, too. She gave me a quick glance before breathing out slowly.

"Our stock's in a pretty sorry shape," Anko murmured.

It was, I agreed as I continued staring. Inside of our icebox, there were a couple of onions on the shelf, and half a container of orange juice, but I wasn't interested in having caramelized onions and orange juice for dinner. Anko opened the freezer and pulled out some chicken breasts, but frowned down at it.

"This may take some time to thaw."

"Just toast it with a fire jutsu."

"And potentially burn down the entire place?" she asked, bewildered. "I'm good, kid, but I ain't that good. I'll buy some green stuff to make a sandwich or salad or something tomorrow."

I took the chicken out of her hands and slid it onto a shelf before shutting the door. "So, what? We eat an imaginary dinner tonight?"

Anko frowned and rubbed her face with a hand. "Mmm... How's ramen sound?"

" _Ramen_?"

There was nothing wrong with ramen. I happened to like that kind of meal every so often, but Anko had never been too fond of it. I can literally count the number of times we've ever eaten the stuff on one hand, and that was including before the Kyuubi event. I didn't count the mess that Aniki always cooked up – I missed him dearly, but the kid had been capable of burning water.

She grimaced slightly. "Money's running a little tight this month. I'm not actively taking any missions, so I can only depend on what I get from my job at T&I. Sorry."

I shrugged a shoulder, smiling for her benefit. "Then, hey. I know just the place."

"It'd better not be expensive."

"...Oh, I sincerely doubt _that_ will be a problem."

She narrowed her eyes and shrugged her shoulders. "Fine, whatever. I don't care. Let's just get there, finish, and come back home so we can get a good night's sleep. God knows I need one."

I walked back to the foyer to slip on my shoes again, Anko following right behind me, keys in hand. As soon as we were out and she'd locked the door, we both walked down the hall and out of the apartment building itself, heading down the steps and into the street.

"So, where is this place, then?" Anko asked, walking next to me, her eyes keeping watch ahead of us.

"I just know the name: Ichiraku."

She paused for a moment. "I've never –"

"Well, well, if it isn't my wonderful subordinate!"

Both Anko and I stopped and turned around to three men walking up behind us. One was tall and blond, another large and stocky, and the last was rather tall, sinewy, and raven-haired. Well, fuck me if I didn't know this famous trio.

The second Inoichi turned his gaze on me with a smile, I involuntarily took a step back, hiding slightly behind my sister.

"Crap, it's him again..."

Anko didn't say anything, though any hint of humor she'd had earlier had vanished clear off of her face, leaving her expression completely neutral. She regarded her superior before breaking eye contact by making a deep bow. To the other two, she nodded respectfully.

"Akimichi-sama. Nara-sama."

Akimichi Chouza guffawed as he slapped his large stomach, his face lighting up easily. "Now, now, there's no need for so much formality! We're all equals here!"

No, we're not. Besides, don't you guys have toddlers at home? Why are you out so late?

Nara Shikaku nodded back at my sister, acknowledging her greeting but saying nothing in return. Inoichi, much to my displeasure, never once shifted his gaze away from me, and instead took a couple of steps forward.

"So, where are the two of you off to?"

Anko lowered her gaze so as to not seem challenging. "Hotaru and I were about to go to a place called Ichiraku for dinner."

Inoichi frowned. "Ramen? That's not very heal–"

Chouza slapped a hand against the blond's back, pitching him forward a few steps, a bellow of laughter erupting from his mouth. "Sounds appetizing! Say, you wouldn't mind if we happened to join you? I wouldn't mind eating some ramen right now, and Ichiraku's one of the best places around!"

"We just ate," muttered Shikaku, not seeming pleased.

My sister hesitated only slightly. "We wouldn't want to impose on your time..."

"Nonsense!" Chouza loudly declared. "After all, _we're_ the ones inviting ourselves! Come, come! Allow me to lead the way!"

The Yamanaka clan leader gave me another smile before falling in step with my sister as she grudgingly walked next to him. Whether because she didn't want to disrespect her superior, or because she didn't want to seem too unwilling, she never glanced back at me even once. I watched the three walk forward with mild disdain and annoyance. Tonight was supposed to be another night of bonding. Where the hell had these three even come from?

"Damn it, Yoshino's going to kill me," Shikaku muttered irritably, rubbing the back of his neck.

I glanced up at him once before walking ahead and leaving him behind. The clan leaders, even more so than the main characters, were definitely part of the few that I had no desire to be near. I was further annoyed when I realized that Shikaku had fallen in step next to me, his eyes focused on the road ahead. I stared up at him critically. Where did he hide all of that intelligence anyway?

"Keep staring all you like. It won't make me disappear anytime soon."

"Whether you disappear or not is none of my concern," I answered honestly, my face scrunching up as I continued staring up at him.

Ah, that's what was strange. He didn't have those two scars yet.

Shikaku passed me a glance. "Unless you have a reason to continue staring at me, knock it off, kid."

I chuckled. "If it bothers you so much, sir, you are free to move faster or slower at your own volition."

He frowned curiously at me, but then let the matter drop.

We arrived at the Ichiraku ramen stand about ten to fifteen minutes later, and I must say, I was _starving_ by this point. I wondered if Anko would allow me two bowls if I could manage it.

Luckily there was enough space for all five of us to sit on stools, much to the owner's obvious pleasure. Unfortunately, and I don't know how this worked out, the Akimichi planted himself right in the middle between Anko and me, with Inoichi sitting next to her and Shikaku sitting next to me. I narrowed my eyes as I looked around Chouza down towards where Inoichi was sitting.

He'd wanted Anko separated from me for some reason, and she had apparently noticed. I could see the muscle in her jaw ticking as she grit her teeth together, but she made no sounds of opposition and just let things go as they were. My eyes narrowed further.

Inoichi was becoming a bit of a hindrance.

"Keep scowling like that and your face'll stay that way," Shikaku said as he looked at the walls to read the menu posted all around.

I ignored him, but he persisted:

"She isn't going anywhere. Just relax and think about what you want to eat."

My glare shifted over to him. "You're quite talkative for a genius tactician. I would've thought that you had too many thoughts roaming about your head for you to consider attempting normal conversation."

Shikaku cracked a smile. "Ah, so there's fire within her yet."

"Was your intention to rile me up?" I asked. The only irritation I felt right then had nothing to do with the Nara though, but was solely focused on the blond three seats away from me.

"If only a few words can rile you up, then I worry for your future."

"Then I suppose it's a good thing that my future has little to do with any of you."

I made as if to move off of my stool, but found myself completely immobile. I tensed my muscles, for the second time that day, another stab of fear hit me. What was with people using their techniques on me?

"Inoichi is just checking in for your benefit," Shikaku murmured softly enough that only I could hear him. "He wants to make sure Anko is treating you right."

I grit my teeth further. "He could just ask."

"Do you have something to hide?"

A frown stole across my face, and I stopped fighting. "Everyone has something to hide."

"Too true," he agreed. "Look, I'm going to release the jutsu. But you need to promise to stay right there. Don't interfere."

I wanted to glare at him, but couldn't do a single thing. "'Don't interfere'? Isn't that what you guys are doing?"

"More or less," Shikaku stated, pausing only to tell the owner his order. "We have our reasons though."

"Most do. That makes you no nearer to being right."

"Being 'right' is a matter of opinion," he countered, releasing his hold on the jutsu binding me.

I turned to him. "You can waste your opinions on someone else. You treat her like she's going to kill me."

Shikaku never bothered to look at me. "She very well might."

"So much for that camaraderie thing. If you can't trust someone who put her life on the line to come back, then it's a wonder that you manage to keep living at all. I thought everyone in Konoha was one big family."

"Even families have their black sheep," was all Shikaku said before I hopped off my stool.

I marched around Chouza and grabbed a hold of the back of Anko's flak vest, causing her to spin around with some alarm. Inoichi also looked back at me, surprised that I wasn't still at my booth. I saw him send a discreet, meaningful glance over at Shikaku, though I couldn't see how the latter might have replied.

"Hotaru," Anko said. "What are you doing?"

"I want to go home."

Both of her eyebrows raised. "I thought you were –"

"I, _want_ , to go _home_ ," I persisted, tossing a glare at Inoichi, whose expression closed off some.

With that, I pulled even harder at her vest. She slid off of the stool and grasped my shoulders.

"Listen, Hotaru..."

"I want to go home."

"We just got here..."

I glared at Inoichi again. Unless he relinquished his control over her, she wouldn't feel comfortable leaving before him. Inoichi met my gaze once, looking at me with his complete attention before standing up and sitting on the stool where Anko had just been.

"I'll see you tomorrow at the office," Inoichi said, dismissing her with a short wave.

Anko stood up fully and bowed her head. "Of course, Yamanaka-san."

She turned away from the three men and led me away. We ended up getting takeout from a nearby restaurant before finally heading home together.

Inoichi was a thorn who was sticking his nose into family business, and Shikaku was a menace who was ready to put down a dog before understanding its true nature, only knowing it was a possible gateway to danger. My eyes hardened as I walked home next to Anko.

Yes, this was the world I currently lived in.

* * *

Now, let me be honest: I really do like the clan leaders. They were all kinds of awesome. But I feel like they'd pry into places best left untouched.


	8. Chapter 8

Ah, yes. After a few false starts, here we go~.

* * *

It was very early the next morning at six o'clock that Anko roused me out of bed to prepare for my training session. I'm one of those people who _hate_ being woken up by someone else – an alarm clock is fine, but another person? That makes me irritable as hell.

Completely dressed and washed up, I glared across the dining room table at the opposite wall. It was Saturday, it was early, someone had woken me up, I was hungry, and I was absolutely terrified at the thought of working with the same person who had threatened my life just yesterday.

I clenched my vest tightly in my hand, my breathing quickening as I worried about how I was going to get through today. I couldn't just quit on Kurenai, seeing as I wouldn't have anyone else to depend on, and Anko would wonder what the cause of it was. If I told her that her friend had threatened me with my life if she insomuch as detected any ill intentions, then Anko would either start doubting the one other person who really, truly thought well of her, or she would start doubting me, again. It was hard enough to be rejected the first time, that if it happened again... Well, I didn't know what I would do. I'd probably try to go back to the orphanage, or hell, let myself be killed.

I was scared. What if I took a wrong step? What if Kurenai decided to put me down? What if all went well, but I couldn't pass my exam anyway? What if the Ino-Shika-Chou trio took things too far and drove Anko into a corner? What if _I_ drove her into another corner?

My fist tightened further. I was scared. I was very, very scared.

The clink of a dish hitting the table in front of me snapped me out of my paranoia. I saw Anko slide into the chair with her plate of scrambled eggs and one slice of toast and spare me a tired smile. As tired as she seemed to be, her eyes were very much focused and alert as she looked me over. I felt my pulse skyrocket when I thought that she might question why I was so freaked out, but...she didn't. Her mouth tightened a bit, but she simply looked down at her plate, eating one bite after another at a slow pace.

"Times are rough, huh?" she murmured, gaze still focused down. "But we'll get through this."

We. She said "we".

Just like that, all my fear melted away. I looked down at my plate, tenderly picked up my fork and scooped up some eggs.

"Mmm. You have work today, right?"

"Yeah," she sighed, laying her elbow on the table. "Geez, I don't know what that guy's deal is. He's been giving me the stink eye ever since that one day you showed up."

I frowned. "Inoichi, you mean?"

"Yamanaka-san," she corrected me before rubbing her eyes. "What the hell did you do to piss him off?"

"Tch. More like he pissed _me_ off. I just wanted to get you so we could eat, but he decided to butt in and get nosy."

She put her head in her hands and then concentrated her gaze on me. "Promise me you won't make matters worse by getting uppity with him. He's a clan head and has a lot of power behind him, and I don't want to give him an excuse to make our lives miserable."

I sat back in my chair and blew a huff of breath through my nose. The child in me definitely wanted to say that it was the stupid guys' fault for poking his nose into things that didn't actually matter for him, but the adult in me agreed that pissing off someone with that much power would never make for a good story later. It took some restraint, but I ended up shrugging.

"Understood. I just wish he'd stop smiling so creepily at me. I don't like him."

Anko chuckled softly. "It kinda is, huh? Like some kind of pedo."

I felt my face relax into a toothy grin – I was losing my baby teeth, and it was just as fascinating the second time around as it had been the first – and laughed a bit myself. Anko smirked back at me and the conversation came to a standstill after that as we both concentrated on our meals. Only five minutes later, she was washing the dishes with me as the token dryer, as if she expected me to be able to reach those cabinets up there. Not happening.

As soon as the dishes were cleaned, dried, and put away, Anko ran a hand through her shoulder-length hair and left the dining room area to go get herself ready for work. I stared after her and then looked at the clock – a quarter 'til seven. I was supposed to be at the training ground by eight, and Anko was supposed to be at work by the same time.

I rubbed my eyes and yawned. Damn it, kids just required so much more sleep than adults, though I had never been one to deny myself too much sleep. I was one of those dysfunctional people who needed like ten hours of sleep per day or I couldn't do anything. Obviously, my new life was hardly any different for me.

I longingly looked at the couch. Eh, I had nearly an hour to kill. What was the harm in sleeping some more?

With that logic in mind, I hopped onto the couch and a few minutes after my head hit the pillow, I was out.

I was out...only so that I could be woken up by being dumped on the ground like a sack of potatoes.

I flailed like a fish out of water and quickly stood up, looking around blearily. My eyes first found Kurenai looking down at me with an amused expression on her face. Ignoring her, I looked left and right for the culprit who had left me hung out to dry. There was no sign of Anko though. Damn it.

"You should be in okay enough shape to do this outside of a genjutsu, yes?"

With that rude wakeup call vanishing from my mind, I immediately froze up the second I heard her voice. Whatever fears I may have had concerning Anko may have been somewhat alleviated, but I was still just as frightened as ever of the genjutsu mistress. As long as I didn't do anything "suspicious" or worth investigating into, then she would have no reason to perhaps kill me anymore, right?

I never even tried to meet her eyes when I nodded. When she shifted to walk away, my body stiffened out of reflex and I cautiously watched her feet as they walked a few pace away. The moment she stopped, I chanced at look up at her face to see that she was still smiling, and an ice-cold chill slipped its way down my back.

Kurenai frowned somewhat. "Are you all right?"

I nodded rigidly, determined not to say a single word to her if it would keep me safe. She seemed somewhat put out, but gracefully fell into the fighting stance that I recognized as the first form without saying another word. With one hand in front of her for blocking and the tightly next to her side, even I could tell her form was flawless. Then again, if it hadn't been, then I had a whole crop of new problems to deal with.

"Remember," Kurenai said softly, beginning her lecture, "each strike is made with solid determination, an unbroken will and a knife to wedge into your opponent. Each blow is meant to kill or maim, and with that, the intention behind it must be pure enough to show thusly. If you lack the desire, it will be a simple matter for an enemy to turn your own action against you."

She straightened up and motioned for me to take the same stance. I breathed out slowly as I fell into a stance myself, my mind instantly recalling the hell – I mean, _tutorial_ – I'd gone through yesterday. As soon as I was ready to begin the kata, though, she lightly touched my outstretched hand, ensuring that my fingers did not curl lazily and were rigid. Kurenai then kicked lightly at my foreleg and I shuffled it forward a smidgen. Then came my back leg and I slid it back.

The genjutsu mistress circled around me and after checking my tucked fist, she finally nodded. I expected her to tell me to begin the kata, but she only backed away and, well, waited. My brow furrowed, but I figured this was like karate back during study abroad and that it was to make me sweat and turn my muscles into goo.

Bring it on.

* * *

Come one hour later, I was no longer in the mood for "bringing it" anywhere, and would have loved to sit down instead. Kurenai didn't give me the all-clear until my legs started trembling so badly, it would've been crazier for me to be able to keep myself up any longer than that. I fell to the ground the second she raised her hand as a signal, my breath huffing and puffing out of my mouth as I gasped. I, not caring how I looked to her, dragged my body over to a water thermos just waiting for me to drink from it.

As soon as the cold liquid slipped into my mouth, – I could just hear George Takei's voice saying "Oh _my_ " to that line – I sighed with contentment. My legs hurt, my muscles were twitching all over, and my face was covered in sweat, but my first hour of "training" was done. Only...three more hours to go. Awesome.

Kurenai, probably having noticed my tendency to stiffen up – man, what is with these innuendos today? – whenever she was around, sat a little distance away from me. Her eyes were closed, but I knew she could tell if I was watching her or not, so I didn't. I instead looked up at the blue sky above me, marveling at how there wasn't a single cloud in the sky. The sun wasn't up too high either, so the temperature was more or less perfect – that and it was still April, so it wouldn't get incredibly hot yet until mid-May anyway.

I might've fallen asleep had my instructor not risen up nearly ten minutes later. I pushed myself off of the ground unwillingly, my muscles starting to cry out in response. Kurenai attempted to smile at me again but I averted my gaze. I didn't want to acknowledge her on a familial basis – her as my instructor was more than enough for me right now.

At her hand's direction, I fell back into the fighting stance, my teeth gritting tightly as pain rushed through my legs. Breathing out, I grounded myself and tried to ignore the tingling sensation all over. It wasn't working.

"Begin the kata you learned yesterday," Kurenai said, her voice cutting through the calm silence.

I didn't bother nodding and simply pushed myself forward, going through each part of the kata until I finally reached the end. When she didn't say anything, I began the kata again, walking through it over and over and over for, yet again, another hour. At the thirty minute mark, though, my fist trembled so much that I could no longer control my movements as well anymore, but Kurenai never stopped me. She just stood there, watching with a concerned expression on her face. I wasn't sure why.

Was I doing the kata wrong? She's corrected me before, though, so I didn't think that was it, and she wasn't one to mince words where training was concerned. I forced myself through the movements for the last twenty minutes and then promptly fell down onto my face when she raised her hand.

Face plants hurt about as much as you'd expect them to. But, my body wasn't standing up, so I was okay with this. I could also barely breathe, but, again, this was preferable to my last two hours of training. I closed my eyes as my body laid motionless on the grass, though I could kind of hear the crunching of grass as she walked away. I felt myself relax further and turned my head to lay my cheek on the ground. Once again, I nearly fell asleep, but just as I was almost there, Kurenai stood up.

Just as I'd resolved to, by some miracle, push myself up, I heard her sit down right next to me, and my heart jumped into my throat. I tried shifting away just a bit.

"Hotaru-chan, we need to talk."

No, I _need_ to train. That's what we're out here for, so I can train and eventually no longer need an instructor. Yep. I'm getting up. I'm up. I'm up.

I pushed against the ground with my tired arms, rising up to my full height, if only a bit shaky. Kurenai frowned up at me.

"Hotaru-chan..."

Kata. I'd do the katas again. Yeah, that sounded good.

"Hotaru-chan, please," she tried again, rising up from her knees.

I coordinated my arms to rest where they should when she finally lost her patience, grabbed me by my shoulders, and spun me around.

The feeling of her spinning around flashed me back to when Anko did much the same the other day. I saw Anko's concerned eyes juxtapose over Kurenai's red ones for a second before I came crashing back to reality. I pushed Kurenai away, toddling backward before falling down flat on my butt.

Whelp, I wasn't getting up again anytime soon. I'd already used one miracle for the day. I actively glared at Kurenai when she came close again and she backed off, her hands held up to placate me.

"Please! Just ten minutes, that's all I ask!"

I turned my gaze away, staying silent.

"Are you not intending to speak to me anymore?"

My adult self would've walked away given the chance. When someone betrayed my trust that much, there was no getting it back. It would take years and years before I would allow myself to open my heart again. That probably wasn't the best habit, but it kept me psychologically safe, more or less, so I didn't bother 'fixing' myself.

Besides, she'd threatened to murder me and then smiled at me afterwards. Freaking psychopath.

I heard Kurenai sit back and sigh. A few seconds of silence passed. Eventually, I turned back to see her fingers fidgeting in her lap as she stared down at the ground, troubled. Her gaze suddenly rose to make eye contact with me and I scowled without thinking.

She neither smiled back nor frowned, but just looked at me pensively before her eyes fell to the ground again.

"A couple of years ago," she began tentatively and almost unwillingly, "I lost what remained of my family in the large attack. My father, needless to say, meant the world to me. We did not always get along, but we were there for each other when it counted."

I frowned. I didn't know a damn thing about her father, and didn't even know his name. So he died in the Kyuubi attack? That was something a great number of people shared in common. Fucking Madara.

Kurenai swallowed, but she refused to look back at me again.

"I learned something about myself that night when I found his body. I'd always grown up with this expectation that wrongs would be righted and justification would be served. My father was an absolute believer of such things," she continued, never looking at me. "My mother was not on this earth for long, and I can't say that I recall her very well, so for me, my father was my rock. He was my support, and though we argued and constantly spat with one another, I have no regrets, despite him no longer being around."

I leaned back and fixed her with a look of consternation. I could see how we were similar in ways, but, unlike her, I hadn't had much time with my family. I wasn't sure if I had anything _but_ regret.

Her eyes rose to meet mine fiercely, anger rolling off of her in waves.

"And _that_ ," she forced out, trying to ease her words, "that, is why it unnerved me _so_ much when I saw you together with Anko. Your only remaining family is _right there_ , and you two are dancing around one another as if you're strangers, as if you were from entirely different worlds!"

"We _are_ from different worlds!" I snapped, considering how literal I was being. "She got _mind-fucked_ by that retard and can't even remember who she is! The person _I_ remember is essentially nothing like this woman! They are _two_ different people!"

Kurenai's fingers tensed, but she just gritted her teeth. "So, that's it? That's the end of it? You're both far too different so there's no worth in bridging that gap?"

I shook my head. "You don't get it. That's not it at all. I'm just saying that these things take time."

She looked away for me for a scant second before the fire was back. "Oh, and you think you have that time?"

I peered questioningly at her.

"You will someday be a shinobi," Kurenai said, tone rigid. "There isn't any such thing as 'time'. One day, Anko won't be forced to stay within the village any longer and she will once again take missions just like any other ninja. The very second that happens is the very moment you no longer have this notion you call 'time'."

"It's not that easy," I argued, glaring at her. "She was hurt so deeply and at such a fundamental part of her psyche that I can't simply rush this because I'm afraid I might lose her. This isn't that simple."

Kurenai stared at me for a moment before her expression filled with understanding. Whatever she suddenly understood though did not please her whatsoever, from the looks of it.

"You're not concerned you might lose her," she said, sounding almost awed from disbelief. "You feel like you already have. To you, the past Anko and this Anko are two completely separate beings..."

"I swear I said that," I muttered, and Kurenai shook her head.

"Enough," she whispered, and I raised an eyebrow in puzzlement. "You're so focused on everything wrong that you can't see any sort of light."

"What?"

She slammed her hand down on the ground, making me jump in surprise. Her teeth were grinding before she looked back at me.

"Stop focusing so much on the past behind it all!" she finally yelled, her temper completely lost. "You are alive, here and in the present! Right _now_! If all you continue to do is look back behind you for something you lost, you will never understand a reason as to why it may have happened! I lost my father, but as a result of his actions, I am still alive, and I will _never_ forget that!"

Kurenai continued glaring at me. "You have your sister here with you, right now, and you refuse to see her as anything but some kind of aftereffect from something she could not control, from something _no one_ could. If you keep on like this, refusing to see what's right in front of you because you're so concerned about what's right behind you, then, sufficed to say, you will _never_ actually _live_!"

I stared at her and turned my gaze downward towards the ground. She was right, though it was difficult to admit as much.

"I don't even know where to start," I confessed quietly.

Her anger abated for now, Kurenai sat back and sighed. "Is there anything you do together, just the two of you?"

"We tried to go out to eat yesterday," I said, recalling the fiasco, "but some people barged in on us and we had to get takeout instead."

"Perhaps you should work on that." Her soothing tone was back. "What about hobbies?"

A memory popped into my mind and I smiled.

"Oh, oh, she used to always..." And then I remembered that we were focusing on the present Anko, not on the past one, even though they were still one and the same.

Kurenai smiled gently, urging me to continue. I bit my lip.

"Back then, she always used to read. Any and every book she could get her hands on would always pile up on her desk, and she would come out to the living room, curl up on the couch and just read to Aniki and me. It was nice."

Kurenai seemed surprised – she hadn't apparently known about that part of Anko. "I see. Well, that's one thing. Now, here's the most important part: does she know how you feel about everything?"

I froze before slowly shaking my head. "No... No, she has enough to worry about."

"Then, that's where you need to start," Kurenai said, leaving no room for argument. "I'm glad that you two are gradually starting to do things together again – after all, you've only been reunited for a month, now. However, until you address this...problem, between the two of you, your relationship isn't going to get any better."

"I'm," I started, pausing slightly, "not sure that's a good idea. What if..."

"Yes, things may turn out poorly, but, I promise, you both will feel so much better if you do."

I looked up at the red-eyed beauty with some suspicion. "Since when were you a psychologist?"

"I'm not," she answered. "It's just moronically obvious."

Oh, ouch. It was, but still, ouch.

"Okay," I resolved, sighing out as I thought of my task ahead of me. "I'll talk to her."

"That's all I could ever ask," she replied kindly, before her expression hardened. "Now, there is something you said that struck me as odd. Why, in the world, did you say she was 'mind-fucked'?"

Uh oh. "Something incredibly dastardly has to happen for someone to completely forget their existence with a serious bout of amnesia."

Her eyes narrowed further. "And who is this 'retard'?"

Oh, man, I was just all sorts of intelligent today. Sure, let's just blab about how I know all of these secrets and how I'm from a different universe, and oh, did you know: you future husband dies. Sorry about that!

Oh well, in for a penny, in for a pound.

"Orochimaru," I said without hesitation, and I saw a spark of confusion. "Everyone knows that."

"Everyone who is a _ninja_ knows that," she corrected. "How did you come by this information?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "She talks in her sleep." This was true.

That took the wind out of her sails. Kurenai sat back and laid her palm against her forehead, fingers intertwined in strands of her hair. She didn't talk to me for another short while before she focused on me again.

"Might I suggest you _don't_ bring that topic up?"

What, you _think_ I have a death wish, woman? Despite all the people that seem ready to kill me at the drop of a hat, I don't, thank you very much.

Kurenai exhaled softly before standing up. "Anko should be coming here to pick you up within the next few minutes."

What? I looked at the positioning of the sun and flinched back, surprised. We'd been talking for _two hours_? Well, the first twenty minutes had been filled with Kurenai gathering up her courage to tell me her life story, but seriously, an hour and half? What the flying fuck? And, speaking of which...

I turned to Kurenai and said as firmly and sincerely as I could, "Thank you."

She turned to me, surprised. "Whatever for?"

"I could tell it was difficult for you to broach the topic about your father," I answered solemnly, and I saw a shadow of sadness cross her face. "And, I want you to know how much I appreciate it. It's never easy being forthright about something like that – especially when you don't know how the information will be received."

Kurenai smiled hesitantly. "You're more than welcome. I am only glad I could help in some way."

She turned away for a second before looking resolute about something.

"And, for what it's worth, I really am sorry. For yesterday, I mean."

I stared at her, kind of stunned.

Kurenai clenched her hands into fists. "I can hardly believe you're five-years-old when I speak with you – you understand so much and respond so eloquently, that I can't help but be suspicious. But when I saw that look on your face..."

She took in a deep breath, her eyes fluttering closed as she lifted her face to the sky.

"I..." she began, stiltedly. "That wasn't the face of a well-fought shinobi, or even a genin. That expression of abject fear is something no one can replicate, no matter how decent an actor they may be. I first consoled myself with the theory that I was merely looking out for my friend's interest, but, upon seeing you today... Seeing how you stiffened automatically whenever I was near, as if I was a danger to you, I couldn't..."

Her voice trailed off as she found it difficult to finish her sentence. I'd gotten the gist of what she'd wanted to say though, and I understood. I didn't like it, but I understood.

"It's okay," I ended up saying, the words piling out of my mouth with little restraint. "I know you meant well."

"Do you," she tried saying once before finally stopping. She tried again: "Do you think you could forgive me?"

"Sure," I said easily with a smile of my own.

The moment the pain and unease faded from her expression, I grimaced slightly.

"But I," I continued, quickly gaining her attention, "will never forget this. I will forgive you, but I don't think I can ever trust you anymore, unless there's no other way. You may have had the best intentions, but all I recall is the terrible feeling that I was about to die. I'm not sure I can forget that, so I'm not sure I'll ever be able to trust you again."

Her crestfallen expression was enough to make me cringe, but, it needed to be said. I just couldn't bring myself to put my life in her hands again like that, not unless I was actively training and needed that push to become stronger. I couldn't do it... No, I couldn't bear to do it.

"I understand," she murmured softly, and that was the end of that conversation.

* * *

Anko came and picked me up not too long after that, taking me home after we'd gone grocery shopping. She cooked lunch for the two of us and then sat on the couch to read up on some material while I went to go take a shower. Say what you will about Kurenai, but she kicked my ass today. I was exhausted, and the only thing left for me right then was sleep. I needed sleep, and I needed it badly.

I crawled in under my one blanket and fell asleep almost immediately. When I awoke some hours later from my nap, Anko was still sitting on the couch reading, her facial expression serious as she perused her materials. I bit my bottom lip again before purposefully walking into living room and catching her attention.

She passed me a glance and looked back at her papers with a murmured, "Hey."

Remembering the promise I'd made to Kurenai, I took in a deep breath.

"Hey, can we talk a bit?"

"About what?" She never looked away from her work.

"About us. About what's going on here."

There was a slight pause before her hands lowered and her feet slipped off the couch as she sat up.

"Hotaru?" she asked, hesitant. I could see a bit of fear in her eyes, which almost made me want to call the whole thing quits.

No, I could do this.

"Please?" I asked, not feeling as brave as I hoped I sounded. "I just... This can't go on."

Her expression neutralized itself and she set her papers aside and onto the floor. She patted the cushion on the couch next to her and I slowly climbed onto the piece of furniture beside her.

"Okay," she said softly, her normal confidence absent. "Let's talk."

* * *

Yeeeeeeeeeeah buddy. Those innuendos man. And, am I the only one who tough of Kuzco and the waterfall with the "bring it on" part? I mean, come on.


	9. Chapter 9

So, this happened. The emotions, the drama, let it pile on and wash over you as the next episode of As the World Turns... I mean, ASLNO greets you on this day.

I'd wanted to write this out sooner, but I'd had training, and then moved into my new apartment across the damn island, and things have just been hectic. It's past midnight here and I'm dead tired, but wanted to let you guys read this before heading to bed. Any mistakes you see, let me know. I'm only ever able to work on this when I'm exhausted, apparently.

* * *

I wasn't sure how long we sat there, the two of us. Certainly, I had been gung-ho about this confession thing, but this really wasn't how I'd planned for things to go. I had been hoping for maybe a couple of years for the both of us to ease into our relationship, and then we could start poking at barriers and limits and start the sibling arguments and whatnot for real. Of course, Kurenai was absolutely right when she said that there was a possibility I wouldn't be granted that time of leisure – who could say my foreknowledge would actually hold any? After all, Anko had never had a sister originally. I was hardly arrogant enough to believe my sudden existence will cause any great changes in the world, but I couldn't deny the chance that it might.

I just... I didn't know. Like what Tali had said to Shepard in the third wonderful, but horrible game of Mass Effect, I wanted more _time_ – an abstract concept I wouldn't be getting now. Honestly, though, we really needed to deal with this gaping rift between us, but, it was times like this that I remembered that I wasn't dealing with an adult in any sense, but that of a child who had been forced to grow up a bit too much, too fast.

I looked over at Anko discreetly, my gaze taking in her haggard appearance. She was only fourteen, but there were little factors that showed how recent events were taking their toll on her. Because of her work load and the stress her boss was putting on her, she was starting to develop bags under her eyes from lack of sleep. Anko had also started developing a nervous tick that came about whenever we went outside and were confronted with various haters – the middle finger on her right hand would start tapping against her leg, as if reaching for the pack of kunai that she would normally have strapped there as a commissioned kunoichi. Truth be told, that tick made _me_ nervous – what would she do if she was actually allowed weapons on her person?

Then, there were the moments she was allowed some respite and sleep – those didn't last long enough, in my opinion. Whenever she fell asleep, sure as clockwork, within the second hour, she would be deep within the thralls of a dreadful nightmare. I only knew this because her cries woke _me_ up, even though I was someone who could probably sleep through a raging tornado. She would wake up, get something from the kitchen, go back to bed, and therein would the process begin yet again. Neither of us have managed to get much sleep over the past month, which has made everything even more tense and unpredictable.

I had to praise her work habits though – the young woman was serious as hell and sleep be damned, her work would not be sacrificed so long as she had the energy to impart upon it. But goddamn, she was only fucking fourteen. The girl needed a break.

Fuck this.

I slid off the couch, my gaze looking pointedly away from her. I felt her eyes burn into my back as I walked away from the couch.

"Where are you going?" she asked softly. "I thought we were going to talk."

I snorted. "The last thing you need right now is more stress; after much deliberation, I've decided to forego this talk and save it for another time."

"I'm fine," Anko stated, her voice laden with steel. "Don't be ridiculous. If we're going to talk, then let's talk. Don't prance around the subject."

"I'm not!" I argued, turning around. "You look half-dead on your feet – there's no way we can talk when you look like you're about to keel over."

Anko stayed in her spot on the couch, her glared directed completely at me. "I'm _fine_ ," she repeated through gritted teeth. "If we're going to talk, then out with it! Are we doing this or not?"

I tilted my head slightly as I glared back at her. "Sure, I'll bite. Tell me: when's the last time you got any sleep?"

"What?" she asked, her eyes narrowing further. "What does that matter?"

"Just humor me. When's the last time you actually slept the entire night, from the time you retired for the night to the time you were actually _supposed_ to get up for work?"

"What are you..." she started before shaking her head. "I always sleep through the damn night. What the hell are you talking about?"

Only a few words traded and she was already started to curse. That wasn't good, for her mental health and my physical. I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Right," I said, drawing out the word. "So all that whimpering and crying I hear every night must just be my imagination. My mistake."

"Shut up," Anko demanded in a low tone. "You don't want to go there."

"Oh, but I think I do," I persisted, knowing I wasn't getting out of this without some kind of repercussion. "What is it that scares _you_ so much that you can't help but cry _every_ night? Does it have to do with why people seem to hate you?"

I damn well knew it did. Poking lions with a sticks was so much fun. Behold the sarcasm.

"Shut. Up," she repeated, her jaw clenched. "You don't know anything about what I'm dealing with right now. Stop prodding."

"I'd know if you'd just _tell_ me. That's what this is all about, right? Talking things out?"

Anko glared at me almost murderously at this point. She slammed her palm against one of the couch cushions, her teeth grinding together as we faced off against one another.

She clucked her tongue. "Is this all a game to you? Whatever might've happened to me before is none of your damn business."

"Oh hell no!" I shouted, making her grunt in surprise. "Don't you dare pull that shit on me. That 'it's-my-problem-not-yours-so-back-off' shit won't work on me. You know why? Because you don't know how to actually keep that crap to _yourself_ , so it bleeds out and affects me anyway. So, no, I'm sorry, but what happened to you before really _is_ kind of my business."

"Stop pushing me," she growled out warningly. "This is the last time I'm going to repeat myself."

Yep, I was going to take a jump.

I grew silent and stared at her as I saw her struggling to control her anger.

"Or what?" I asked. "Are you going to beat me up for real this time?"

My words made her freeze and her eyes widened as every ounce of fury swept from her like a popped balloon. I was hardly repentant by the way I'd approached the situation – if the stress continued building up as much as it already has thus far for her, then there was a very high likelihood that she might resort to violence of some kind. She wasn't allowed to train, she wasn't allowed on missions, she wasn't allowed to do any of the stuff she'd been doing for the past four years to keep herself sane, so she would have to find another outlet. I was no masochist, but I would much prefer she take out that restlessness and unease on me rather than someone else, especially since that someone else could possibly land in her in a whole other mess of trouble.

If I was going to be beat up on a daily basis, I figured that it was my right to know.

Anko broke eye contact with me and turned away.

"That..." she began, "was an accident. I never meant to do that to you."

"I don't care if you meant it or not – the fact of the matter is that you did."

She flinched a bit, and I had no doubt in my mind that she really hadn't wanted to hurt me. She'd probably been regretting the whole thing for the whole month we'd been living with one another. I didn't budge from my stance as she struggled with her inner emotions.

"I thought you said we were going to forget that ever happened," she murmured softly, still not making eye contact with me.

I shrugged a shoulder. "I'd fully planned to. But if this is going to be a issue again in the future, then I'd like to address the problem right now."

Anko closed her eyes tightly, her fist tightening so hard that it trembled. "I would never lay another hand on you."

"Stress does silly things sometimes," I reasoned. "There's nothing wrong with you raising a hand towards me, but I'd just like to make sure it happens."

"Am I that untrustworthy to you that you can't believe me when I promise you something?" she asked with a question akin to a demand. "What happened to familial bonds and trusting your kin?"

I sighed. "I don't know anything about you anymore. But, you can't say that I don't completely trust you. If I didn't, I would've found some way to go back to the orphanage, or hell, get my own place. Besides, I doubt you trust me either."

"I trust you," she said with only a moment of a hesitation.

"No, no you don't," I countered. "Whenever I ask you what's wrong, you brush me off immediately. Whenever I try to do something that might help, you shun away my good intentions. If you'd just –"

She faced me with amazing speed, her eyes open and full of fire. "What about you then?" she questioned. "I know you haven't been completely upfront about your experiences so far. Trust is a two-way street, Hotaru."

Her words caught me unaware and I paused for a few seconds, my mouth slowly closing as I absorbed her words. She was right – I hadn't been all that forthright about myself, but I had a reason for that. I doubt she'd much like it though.

"You're right," was all I eventually said before quieting again.

Anko scowled at my simply response. It obviously hadn't impressed her any.

"So," she started, "you don't trust me hardly at all, and yet I'm supposed to spill out every secret of mine to make you happy? That's not how this works, Hotaru, and I'm not going to play that game."

"It isn't a game to me," I rebuked, growing frustrated. "All I'm saying is that even if I did relay all of my menial and mundane experiences and problems to you, nothing valuable would come out of it. They're meaningless."

She tilted her head and she regarded me with some slight confusion. "What are you talking about? How exactly would they be meaningless?"

"Well, in the end, I don't really matter much here, do I?" I explained matter-of-factly.

The moment I saw her eyebrows draw together as she began to react to my statement, I hurriedly held up two hands, one horizontal to the ground as low as I could hold it, and the other high above my head. Anko's eyes flashed upwards and down before meeting my own once again. Bringing her attention to my lower hand, I said,

"This right here is me with all my issues and whatnot. Let's remember that I am only five and haven't contributed to the village in any way, shape or form."

Anko stayed silent as I next brought her attention the higher hand. I looked up at it as well.

"This, however, is you. You have graduated from the academy, are a chuunin, were the disciple of an S-Ranked shinobi, have completed a great number of missions already, currently work in the T&I, are capable of summoning one of the three great species, and once the town gets used to you again, will be a very valuable commodity to the village as a whole."

Her eyes quickly caught mine, wide with disbelief. "How did you know I...?"

"I'm not stupid," I chastised her. "At least, not as far as that goes. Even I can only take so much stupid. Besides, who _doesn't_ know by now? Besides, I heard it from the other kids on my first day of academy."

"How do they...?" she was about to ask, her face pale, before redness slowly came to her skin's surface as she grew angry about something. "Wait. Is _that_ why those fucking punks did that to you? Did they seriously go after you because _you're related to me_?"

I motioned for her to stop that tirade before it went any further. She was standing up by this point.

"Who cares why they went after me?" I asked rhetorically, my hands finally falling and drawing up to cup my waist. She frowned at me. "That isn't the point of what I'm saying. What I'm trying to get you to understand is that even if I told you about my retarded life, considering nothing newsworthy ever really happens, it would only add to your stress. That's the last thing you need."

Anko seemed almost disappointed, though I doubted that I was reading her facial expression clearly.

"Why do you say things like that?" she asked, her voice little more than a whisper.

"Come again?"

"How can you not give a single damn about yourself?" she questioned me and I sighed.

I was about to give an answer but she cut me off quickly:

"How can you say that you don't matter?" Anko continued to probe, her eyes narrowing further. "How can you say that no one cares about you?"

I stared at her, feeling slightly uncomfortable. "Why is this such a big deal?"

"Because _I_ care!" she burst out, her voice raised. "I know I haven't made the greatest impression on you, but I... I really do care. I do!"

My sister's confession had me at a loss of words. I couldn't continue looking at her any further and turned my gaze away. Her eyes were filled with an emotion I couldn't read, and I felt like I'd been missing something for some time.

"You have enough to deal with," I said instead. "Best not to add to your plate with caring about some –"

"Stop it and _shut up_!" she yelled, eventually losing her temper. I opened my mouth to argue but she cut me off again.

"I mean it!" Anko warned me. "Shut up! You've had your chance to talk and now it's _my_ turn!"

"Okay," I answered, acquiescing control of the conversation to her.

Anko immediately turned her gaze away and breathed a sigh from her nose. Then, she began to speak:

"I'm sorry," she began softly, her anger calming slowly. "There are some things I can't talk about yet, with anyone at all. There are some things that outright terrify me that I haven't been able to come to terms with, and I don't want to face such a reality. I don't want to be reminded of everything that's gone wrong for me so far – I don't want to deal with the mistakes I've made and the problems I've caused.

"I don't want to be treated as a piece of china that will break as soon as it's touched. I don't want to be thought of as a beast on a very short leash. I don't want to be thought of as a stranger in the very same village I grew up in, as a monster raised to spur on only destruction. I don't want –"

She paused briefly, biting softly onto her bottom lip as she cast her gaze to the floor. I saw her swallow slightly before she let out a short breath, her eyes closing as she did.

"I was so excited to make a difference, so excited that I would be able to make an impact on the world. I don't understand why I wasn't good enough. I don't understand what I did wrong. I don't understand why I was aban–"

Anko broke off again, her left hand rising to cup her mouth as she glared fiercely at the floor beneath her.

"I thought I was alone after that." She paused. "The Kyuubi had destroyed so much two years ago – so many died. And then I was aban–... I was left without guidance and felt like it was the end. And then I met you."

She let out a small chuckle. "I couldn't _stand_ you. You were a pretentious little arrogant brat who looked at me as if I was going to chew you up and spit you out. You were 'family' and yet were no different than anyone else I'd met since coming back. I was determined to dislike you.

"But then, I saw how sad you often looked whenever you thought I wasn't paying attention."

I felt myself jump with some alarm. Had I been that blatant?

"And then I realized that you were just like me," she murmured. "You didn't have anyone either. Not even a ryou to your name. I would never wish for this loneliness on anyone. Especially not a five-year-old child who suddenly lost everything while being so young."

Her hand covered her mouth completely now.

"I don't know how it happened," she continued, her voice muffled. "I was so intent on hating you, on reassuring myself that we were nothing alike, that when _that_ happened, even I was surprised on how I just...reacted. I hated you for putting yourself in that position. I hated myself for caring. When did I start to care? Why? Hadn't I lost enough?"

Anko's hand fell to rest against her hip and her bottom lip trembled as she closed her eyes. "I don't know why it happened. I'm so afraid of losing everything again but I can't help it. Burying myself in work does nothing. Yamanaka-san's always on my ass about taking care of you. Kurenai-chan thinks I'm going to crack soon. I don't know what to do. I'm so scared, but all I want to do is take that plunge."

I scrunched up my shoulders to try to make myself smaller. Why was she saying all this? She was making _me_ afraid now.

"But now," she started again, "now that I know I might somehow take that jump, for you to admit that you won't trust me, that you won't let me in... That you don't even care about yourself... What am I supposed to do?"

The second I saw a tear cascade down her cheek, I felt myself take a couple of steps forward involuntarily.

"I'm sorry, Anko," I apologized miserably. "I just thought that... I didn't know it would hurt you if kept silent about myself... I was just..."

I felt myself freeze when she looked over at me, her eyes brimming with tears even as she tried to maintain a strong front. I found myself admiring her tenacity, even if, to my shame, I was part of the reason for her tumultuous emotions.

Anko looked me straight in the eyes, her tears hiding none of the obvious distress she was under.

"Do you think me so much of a monster that I would be incapable of caring about you?"

It hurt me to hear her ask me that.

"No," I replied honestly. "I've never thought of you as a monster in that manner. Have you ever scared me? Yes, you have."

She turned away immediately, her shoulders slumping as she acknowledged what I said.

"But, do I regret having you for a sister? Not for a single moment."

Anko kept her gaze away from me. I frowned. "Anko, please look at me."

She didn't. She was resolute in her desire not to show me more of her defenseless self.

"Those bullies," I began slowly. "One day I will get them back. I will prove to them that they're wrong – about me, about you, about everything we both stand for. I will get stronger. I'm working hard on it. I don't want to let you down. I want to make you proud. I trust you."

Her shoulders tightened as she turned into herself and I sighed away some frustration.

I closed my eyes for a moment before opening them again. With only the barest of thoughts, I moved closer to my sister and wrapped my hands around her thighs, my head resting against her hip as I hugged her as tightly as I could manage. I felt her tense even more.

"I love you, Anko," I whispered, and much to my surprise, I absolutely meant it.

I didn't want her suffer by herself. I wanted to become stronger not just for my own sake, but hers. I hated that she felt that she was something less of a person because of what Orochimaru had done to her, and I hated that no one sought to understand how she felt. I hated how she couldn't trust anyone to let them know how she really felt. I hated that I hadn't figured this out sooner.

I think my words were the final pieces of straw to break the camel's back. Anko slowly fell to her knees and her arms tenderly and hesitantly wrapped around my tiny body. I held mine around her neck tightly as I felt a warm wetness soak my night clothes.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice barely audible.

"I am, too," I admitted.

Neither of us moved from our position for over an hour and after that, I can say with little shame that I was content with curling up beside her in her bed as we both fell asleep. She didn't have a single nightmare that night.

* * *

"What do you _mean_ you're going on a mission for two months?" I yelped. "There's only two weeks left until my first evaluation!"

Kurenai frowned apologetically at me from where she sat at the kitchen table next to Anko. My sister chose to ignore us.

"I know, and I'm sorry," she admitted. "This kind of timing couldn't have been worse, but I don't have any say in the matter whatsoever."

I sighed. It was hardly her fault that she was being pulled out for an extended mission. Hell, it was a miracle she'd been around the village as long as she had. I couldn't really complain – I was about as ready as I was ever going to get in so short a time.

A little more than two months had passed since Anko and I had had our little spat-slash-confession and while I'd like to say that things had gone rather smoothly after that, I'd honestly be lying. Things rapidly became incredibly awkward between the both of us, and it was hard to have a serious conversation after that. We'd both admitted that we shared this strange trust between us, but we weren't sure how to go about working around that trust and using it to our benefit. So, suffice to say, we skirted around the issue. Neither of us would ever doubt the other again as we'd used to, but... We simply were unsure of how to approach new issues.

Kurenai had already washed her hands of our current issue as soon as she found out, which was certainly understandable. If _we_ felt uncomfortable about it all, how the hell would that woman feel?

"Kurenai-chan," Anko murmured, "what am I supposed to put into this box?"

My sister was doing our taxes, by the way. She should be happy that I could be used as a deductible. Thank God I didn't have to deal with that crap anymore, at least for a long while.

The red-eyed beauty glanced down at the sheet, her index finger lingering on the spot before she drew away.

"That is the total sum of remuneration received from accepted and completed missions, minus incomplete missions' remuneration, divided by the total number of missions as a whole," Kurenai explained. "The next box has to do with the charges incurred for damages to property, whether personal or governmental, while on site for those missions. Ask me again once you figure those parts out."

Anko groaned slightly and reached across the table for a few scrolls.

I gave her a pitying smile before frowning at Kurenai. "So, what am I supposed to do now? Do you know anyone else who could work with me?"

"Could?" asked Kurenai, her eyebrows raising. "Certainly. Would? That's a bit tougher to answer."

"What about that deadbeat boyfriend of yours?"

"He isn't a deadbeat," Kurenai protested with some irritation. "And we aren't dating. How many times do I have to say that?"

Anko snorted. "Geez, Hotaru, you don't know that much? In Kurenai's world, being together with someone every second of every day while blushing and giggling next to him doesn't much count as dating. They're just the bestest best friends who just happen to be of different sexes. Who like kissing."

I laughed as a rosy tint ran across Kurenai's cheeks. The woman turned on Anko immediately.

"What was that?" she snapped. "You want to finish those taxes on your own? Why didn't you say so then?"

Anko immediately lost her smile. She hurriedly grasped Kurenai's wrist, eyes pleading.

"No, no, I'm sorry," she apologized. "Please don't leave me to do this by myself."

"Just keep working on it," Kurenai eventually muttered, her blush still plain as day on her face. Turning, then, to me, she shook her head. "I doubt Azuma's interested in teaching anyone. With all the pressure Hokage-sama has put on him lately, I don't think anyone really wants to be around him right now."

Anko obviously had to bite her tongue to keep from making another remark. Those taxes must've really been giving her a hard time.

I sighed. "So, I'm out of luck."

Kurenai grimaced. "With other teachers, yes. But, why look elsewhere when you've got someone available to teach you right here?"

I tilted my head and she unabashedly poked Anko on the shoulder. My sister shifted her attention away from the dreaded forms and frowned up at her friend.

"Why don't you teach your sister while I'm gone?"

Anko stared at her. "Who, me?"

"Her?" I mimicked in a similar tone.

Kurenai frowned with some annoyance. "Have you ever once taken the time to teach your sister anything?"

Anko hesitated. "Well, no, but I..."

"Do it."

Anko was taken aback by the order and seemed a bit hesitant about it all.

"But Kurenai-chan," she began, her tone soft, "what if I...? I can't..."

I saw Kurenai smile gently. "You've had your little talk, yes? Do you not trust her even after all that?"

"I trust her," Anko said immediately before grimacing. She'd spoken without thinking.

I smiled, too. "I trust you, too."

My sister spared me an almost shy smile before relenting. "Fine. I'll take over her training."

"Good," Kurenai said approvingly. "I'm glad to hear it."

My hands rolled into fists, my excitement building. "Ooo, ooo, does this mean I get to summon snakes now?"

Anko stared at me for a few moments before glaring at Kurenai, who shrugged as if to say, "don't look at me".

* * *

And that's a wrap. Lemme know how you feel, and feel free to correct any errors.


	10. Chapter 10

I felt like I was slightly dyslexic when writing this. "Not now" was originally "Now not" before I caught the mistake. Good God. Oh yeah, if you see mistakes, go ahead and point them out. I don't have a beta for this story.

* * *

My right hand, baring a kunai, flashed up with a speed I hadn't had months before to divert an oncoming weapon heading straight for my face and my feet kicked up off the ground to shift leftwards, my eyes never leaving my target. I sought her out, but she'd already disappeared from my field of vision as soon as I'd concentrated my attention elsewhere and lowered my center of gravity, hands already stumbling through seals to the only jutsu I had in my repertoire. Just as I'd reached the fourth seal, I felt something disrupt my attention and turned my attention downwards to the hand that had burst out from the dirt and grasped my ankle.

My mind blanked for the slightest of moments and within that short amount of time, Anko had resurfaced slightly and used chakra-enhanced strength to send my body flying across the ground and skidding through the dirt. I tried rising even as I fell back, although she was already on me, her leg pulled back and promising me severe pain.

"Fuck," I muttered, flooding my entire right arm with chakra as her leg crashed against me and sent me airborne.

I soared through the air, hardly surprised when a chain whipped around my torso and abruptly stopped my momentum midair, making me wince as I felt my spine crack from the sudden strain. The chain tautened and I fell down back towards the earth as Anko flashed into existence, her hands forming the seal for Tiger.

...Damn it.

"Katon:," Anko began, her chest expanding as she breathed in the necessary air as her right index finger and thumb encircled her mouth, " _Ryuuka no Jutsu_!"

My first thought: Chakra fucking bomb time, bitch.

My second thought: No, fuck, those cost too damn much to use willy-nilly.

Third thought: I don't really feel like burning right now.

Fourth: Goddamn it.

Time seemed to slow down as I reached for the pouch at my waist, my vest flipping up as I hurriedly pulled out an explosion tag, my chakra impacting it as I attached it right to the chain hugging around my waist. Anko's eyes widened the slightest bit before she disappeared from my sight. She flashed in front of me and quickly released the chain before her previous attack could wind its way up the chain to me and I smirked. I'd known she'd think to save me.

I slammed my palm against her chest, or would have, had she not grabbed my wrist, spun me around in midair before launching me down with extraordinary strength straight at the ground. Anko then blitzed into view on the dirt right below me and directed a kick – gentle, by her standards – into my solar plexus and sending me rolling across the ground with all the elegance of a bumbling drunk. I slid to a halt with my face practically one with the dirt.

My hands slid across the ground, clenching into fists as I glared back at the current cause for my distress at that moment. I breathed in and out with large gasps, almost ready to see if I could try charging her for once to see how that would go. That was, however, until I saw her hands flying through yet another number of seals before once again landing on Tiger.

I felt my heart rate jump as I pushed myself and ran for the vegetation the second I heard:

"Katon: Goukyaku no Jutsu!"

What? What was this? Who the hell launched jutsu like that at someone who'd only been training for three months? What the fuck was she on? I was _five-years-old_!

I dove into some bushes, my eyes still wide and darting back and forth as I fought to come up with a plan. She was more aggressive today – she'd taken time off to train me every day for the past two weeks, and at first, she was "gentle". I use quotes because Anko hadn't bothered to do anything to me and simply had me run chakra building exercises.

Up and down the tree, up and down, up and down. What's wrong with the leaf exercise, I dared to ask. Nothing, she'd responded with a bored tone. This just wasn't the academy, so we weren't going to do pointless games and tasks – she was teaching me to survive and grow into a capable kunoichi, not just for the underlying sake of learning and growing as a child. I was honored. Really.

Yes, thank you, Anko, for making me run all those laps as soon as I got out of school, and making sure to have checkpoints in specific areas so you could check to make sure I'd done as was told. Thanks for rigging a trap in my bedroom that could "kill" me if I didn't wake up quickly enough to counter the attack. Thanks for hiding in the village and hiding your chakra signature so I could attempt to hunt you down and end up walking across the entire village a couple of times, only for you to be waiting at home each time with a small smirk.

Oh yeah. And _fucking_ , _thank_ , _you_ , for the _damn_ , _fucking_ snake summon that chases me _every fucking morning_ all the way to school to increase my endurance and stamina, because _everyone_ needs a venomous snake chasing them to feel good in the damned morning. Yeah, I love looking like I've just stepped out of a lake the moment I step into the classroom. God damn.

I flinched when I heard her crash through the brush, intentionally making herself loud for my benefit. My left hand darted into another pouch at my waist. I grabbed one long piece of paper and channeled chakra into just as Anko was throwing a punch at me. The smog burst into her face and she backed off immediately, coughs erupting from her mouth as she tried to catch her breath. I jumped out of the bushes and left a goodbye present as I fled for my life. The resounding explosion made me smile – I knew that she'd already escaped that bad situation, but hopefully, even more lackluster skills were keeping her on her game.

"I didn't give you those to use against _me_ ," my sister growled out, and I skidded to a halt when I saw her directly in front of me.

Her hands flew through more seals before she bit her thumb and slammed her right hand onto the ground. I cursed inwardly as tentacles of inked kanji ran across the ground away from her hand, forming a seal on the grass. I didn't even bother waiting around to see how big a snake she'd summoned this time and was already dashing off into the trees to get as far away as possible. I grabbed a bunch of explosion tags out of my pouch, not even bothering to attach them to kunai and just plastering them on every single tree I passed.

When the chain of explosions ran through the forest, causing a small wildfire to race through the vegetation, that was when Anko stopped taking it easy on me. She escaped the billowing smoke and came around to my side, where she shouted with some annoyance,

"Sen'eijashu!"

Snakes flew from beneath her long-sleeved meshed shirt, their teeth anchoring onto my clothes and allowing her send me flying back into the cleared area. The snake she'd summoned earlier wrapped its long body around me, effectively locking me down and sealing my escape. Anko spared me a quick glance before she breathed in quickly and then ran through another series of hand seals. It took her nearly fifteen seconds to go through them all before motioned towards the river running close to the training ground and muttered,

"Suiton: Suiryuudan no Jutsu!"

I jumped when a giant dragon – it wasn't very big since Anko's element was fire – rose up from the river and rocketed over the clearing into the trees still burning from my pyrotechnics. Anko breathed in and out almost heavily by this point – she'd used a lot of high ranking techniques within just the past hour, more than she'd used within the past near half-year, for sure. I grunted when I realized she was still preoccupied in drenching the forest and putting out the fire, and struggled to grab a kunai from one of my leg pouches. I swirled it around in my hand before stabbing it straight into the snake binding me.

It gave a soft scream before poofing out of existence, but Anko never took her gaze away from her work. I pushed myself up, beads of sweat running down my face as I clumsily forced my small, chubby fingers to form the seals of the one and only jutsu Kurenai had thought to teach me. To set the record straight, she only taught me because she knew I didn't have the chakra to hold the jutsu for more than a few seconds without dying, and only because I'd begged her for something cool. She thought she'd been sly, but since every day was practically a death trap for me nowadays, though, why not just make the attempt anyway? Normal five-year-olds would be too scared to. I just want to hit Anko on my own, for once.

Horse. Monkey. Dog. Rabbit. It was odd to see that a jutsu would end with Rabbit, but that's okay.

"Genjutsu: Fukashi no Kaze," I muttered.

I bit back a groan, because just like every other time I'd attempted to perform this technique, I felt the chakra rip itself from my body to properly support the cloak of chakra that would cling to me and help me blend myself into my surroundings. I couldn't hold such a difficult technique, so this wasn't something I could do over and over again. Luckily, Anko hadn't been made aware of my new acquisition. I'm certain much yelling would have occurred that night otherwise. So yelling, much scary.

I could barely even tell the difference between my hand and the environment around me as I lifted my right hand and gripped my fingers tightly around my kunai's hilt. I was lucky that we were just training because using this technique in a real battle would have most certainly guaranteed my fate.

I dashed forward, kunai in hand as I attempted to slash across her thigh – it wasn't real unless there was blood. Anko must've heard me coming, or felt my chakra signature come closer, because she spun around immediately, her eyes trying to focus on the threat but not seeing anything in front of her.

"What the hell?" she murmured out – she'd felt the threat, she knew someone was there, but the fact that she couldn't see me confused her for split second.

I tried stabbing her with my kunai but missed when she shifted to the side, her leg coming at me fast before lifting me and shooting me across the clearing to crash onto the ground and roll a few times. My jutsu faded out immediately as I groaned and stared up at the sky. As soon as the jutsu came apart, I was left feeling cold and out of sorts. Fuck, that jutsu as death in disguise.

I heard my sister run to my side, the first words out of her mouth being, "Hotaru, damn it, what the fuck?"

She cradled my head as she pulled me up to a sitting position. I turned my gaze to look into her concerned eyes as she checked my condition.

"What the hell was that?" she asked, steel underlying her voice.

"New jutsu?" I mumbled softly, feeling half-dead. She was decidedly not happy with that answer.

"That was at least B-Rank. Where'd you get that?"

"Uh," I started, choosing not to answer directly. "Your guess is as good as mine."

Anko eyes immediately narrowed dangerously and she _growled_.

" _Kurenai_ ," she snarled. "When you fucking get back..."

"To be fair, she didn't believe I'd have enough chakra or ability in genjutsu to execute this technique."

My sister's eyes flew back to mine, her teeth baring as she snapped, "You don't! In _fact_ , if it weren't for the fact that you don't know how to override your self-preservation instincts, you would have used every ounce of chakra in your body for a few seconds of camouflage."

I tried to grin and just ignore the fact that I'd nearly gotten myself killed yet again, but she wasn't having it. Anko pulled me up to my full height, her hands being the only reason I was standing at all. My head lolled back and I stared up at her long enough to see a number of emotions run across her face before she settled on a mask of impassiveness.

"I hereby forbid you use that technique until further notice."

" _What_?" I was quick to complain.

It was a knee-jerk reaction. I knew very well that I couldn't use it again without better chakra control, or more chakra, or more knowledge of successfully executing the technique, and so on and so forth. I was probably just arguing for the sake of arguing at this point. It kind of took away the sting of being trounced so easily by someone who was hardly paying any attention.

That's another thing: what the flying fuck did Orochimaru teach her? How the fuck did he teach her? What, did he pull a Ranma and throw her into a pit of snakes and tell her to have a blast? Or, was this just the normal power level for someone her age who'd been taught by a legendary shinobi? My sister was by no means normal.

Anko glared at me even further, but I just shook my head.

"Okay, okay. No more of that jutsu. I get it."

The pressure emanating from her edged away slowly, and she shifted to situate me on her back to carry me more easily. I sighed a bit and rested my cheek against her back. I was exhausted. I felt Anko adjust me some before she finally began to walk forward. She first paused to look up at the still smoking trees, her head moving back and forth to assess the damage before she exhaled softly and turned around.

"How much is this going to cost me?" she seemed to ask herself softly.

My hands clutched at the back of her shirt as she then walked away from the training ground, her pace smooth but slow. My eyes closed as I grew used to her easy gait and it lulled me into a state of near sleep. I actually did fall asleep at some point along the journey until she roused me awake again. We were already back in the food district, which meant we were very close to home.

"Hey," she said, catching my attention, and I opened my eyes to focus on her words.

Anko turned her head to look at me. "How about we try for another restaurant again?"

"You're kidding, right?" I murmured, slightly annoyed that my rest had been disturbed. "Every single time we try to go somewhere, we always run into someone."

I wasn't joking. After that Ichiraku debacle months ago, we attempted to go out again the next week, and promptly ran into Asuma and Kurenai out on a "date-that-wasn't-really-a-date". That hadn't been so bad, but a few weeks after that, we came across Gai and Kakashi. Gai had been interesting to meet, but Kakashi hadn't yet forgotten the incident from when we'd first met, so had been none too pleased to see either one of us. Then, just two weeks ago, to give Kurenai a nice send-off, we attempted to go out for barbeque, and met Hyuuga Hiashi, his wife, and their daughter Hinata. Hiashi had looked at my sister with obvious disdain before requesting that _we_ either be kicked out or left to dine far, far away from them.

Seriously guys, _stay home_ if you have that much of an issue.

Anko fell silent and I immediately grew suspicious.

"Wait. _You're_ the one who said we'd just stay home and eat in unless for really special occasions. Why the hell do you want to go out?"

She shrugged. "There's somewhere we have to go first, and since we might get back late, I was thinking we might head out..."

I glared at her and tried pulling myself up higher. "Where? Where do we _have_ to go?"

"It's been three months."

"So?"

Anko made certain I couldn't see her expression. "I have to report in about the mission."

"What miss–," I started before pausing and sliding back down her back.

Oh. That's right. I'd somehow forgotten about all of that.

"I take it I have to be there, too?" I asked, my voice as flat and devoid of emotion as I could make it.

"Yes," she replied softly.

Of course. Now, I was starting to doubt myself again and wonder if our little thing about trust and all had been so we could grow closer for the sake of the mission, or for the sake of our actual relationship. Fuck me, but I'd made up my mind to trust her thanks to her trying so hard and being family, but if this was all a ploy just to make sure she completed the mission parameters...

She stopped in front of the Hokage tower, and let me down off of her back. I scowled and tried to stay back and let her take the lead, but she grasped my hand firmly, her grip so strong that I wasn't going anywhere unless she went with me.

"I trust you," she affirmed, trying to make eye contact with me.

I grimaced. If this had all been for the sake of her mission...

She turned her gaze away, shoulders tensing as she pulled me after her into the building. We walked down the hallway and up the staircase and down another hallway before we arrived at the desk of the secretary. Anko walked up to the desk and bowed her head slightly.

"Mitarashi Anko, here to give a status report on my current mission. I believe I have an appointment."

The secretary smiled gently before shuffling some paper and picking up a clipboard. She nodded and motioned for us to stay where we were while she checked to see if the Hokage was currently available or not. She came back moments later and waved us ahead.

Anko pulled me after her up to the large oaken doors before she knocked and announced her presence. As soon as the Hokage bid us entrance, we walked into the room with the door closing and locking behind us. Anko marched us towards his desk and stopped a short distance away. She bowed deeply.

"Hokage-sama."

Hiruzen smiled amicably at the both of us, his hands folding together atop of his desk.

"Ah, yes, the Mitarashi sisters," he said, addressing us as one. "It has been some time since I last saw the two of you. You seem more comfortable around one another now. That is good to see."

I narrowed my eyes and frowned at him, though Anko's grip around my hand tightened in warning. I stayed silent as she nodded shortly.

"I would never have thought this moment possible were it not for being assigned this mission."

"Tell me, how have things fared between the two of you?"

I wanted to tell him to shove his fake concern. Neither of us were some ridiculous science experiment for him to test out and prove theories over. In fact, I'd have much rather preferred that he stop taking pages out of Inoichi's book and stop butting into family affairs, or better yet, not have family bonding be the point of a mission.

Anko hesitated and I made no moves to even bother answering.

"There...is something I would like to discuss, Hokage-sama."

Hiruzen turned his kind gaze over to her, but a frown showed itself on his face due to whatever expression he'd seen on hers. He turned back to look at me with a smile.

"You must be quite tired, Hotaru-chan," he said with little hesitation. "Why not have a short nap while the two of us talk a bit more?"

What? I'm not going to sleep while you guys talk behind my –

* * *

My eyes opened to stare at a slightly blurry ceiling. I didn't remember ever going to sleep and my bed was normally comfier than this and...

I sat straight up, my eyes wide as I looked quickly around me. The second I looked to left, I saw Anko standing in front of the Hokage, her expression dark as she stubbornly met the old man's gaze. Her jaw was tightened and the muscles in her arms were filled with tension. My previous irritation forgotten as the pressure in the atmosphere blanketed and tried to suffocate me, I shifted my legs off of the couch to walk across the room to get a better look at Anko's expression.

I couldn't read it. I didn't know what was going on, but whatever it was, she couldn't actually tell me.

"By doing this, you understand, you may come out of this with nothing left," Hiruzen said, capturing my attention. "There is no turning back, should you choose this path. Think of how Hotaru-chan will feel."

I tilted my head somewhat and looked up at Anko, who only looked even more upset now.

"This is my decision," she argued, her voice decisively clear. "Please do not attempt to sway me otherwise."

I'd missed quite a bit. What was going on here?

"Very well," the Hokage said, obviously less than pleased. "I rescind my previous order. You are free to act as you wish. Remember that this was your choice: any regrets you may have are your fault and yours alone, Anko-kun."

My attention bounced between the two of them, back and forth, back and forth. What was going on?

"I understand," Anko said finally. "Please excuse us."

"Wait, what?" I barely managed before she grabbed my hand and pulled me away from the Hokage and out of the office.

I looked back to see the firm gaze of Hiruzen before the door closed, hiding him from sight. Anko didn't even bother to acknowledge me as she dragged me out of the building and back toward our apartment. I stumbled every now and then because my short legs couldn't match up with her pace.

"Wait, Anko, what's going on?"

Her grip on my hand only tightened further and I clamped my mouth shut for another five to ten minutes of stumbling before I finally lost my patience in the merchant district and forcefully pulled my hand out of her grasp. Anko simply stopped walking, but did not turn to look at me, instead choosing to keep facing forward. If anything, the hand that held mine clenched into a fist, but she reacted no further than that.

"What's going on?" I demanded to know for the last time. "I thought you were just reporting to the Hokage about your mission. How'd that go from that to putting me to sleep via genjutsu and then you storming out like that?"

Anko tensed more. "Let's talk about this at home."

"No, damn it," I said angrily. "You'll probably just use that excuse and then once we're back, you won't tell me a damn thing. No, you're telling me _now_."

"Hotaru," she hissed warningly. "Not now. Please, let's discuss this when we get back."

"Discuss _what_? What's so big a deal that we have to wait for someplace more private? Your mission was just to watch over me, right? What's the big deal about that? What sensitive information could there be about that?"

She turned slightly to look at me. Her gaze chilled me.

"I promise to tell you when we get back, so please..."

I didn't get it. If she had just given me some kind of hint to stew over, I would've been fine, but she made everything sound so secretive, that my curiosity wouldn't allow me to wait any further. Ah, the child in me just wanted to throw more a temper tantrum.

"You promise?" I asked, trying to tamp down on my curiosity.

"Yes," she said simply, eyes emotionless.

I shut my mouth again tightly, and heaved a heavy sigh. Fine. _Fine_. I could wait. She didn't seem like she was going to run away from telling me, and she never reneged on her promises anyway, so I could wait. I just really didn't want to.

She turned back to face forward again and walked on without ever glancing back to see if I was following. I walked after her the entire rest of the way, up the stairs, down the corridor, and right to our apartment door. Anko pulled out her keys and unlocked the door and we both walked in. She made it all the way into the living room before stopping completely.

I popped my neck before finally asking, "So? What's the big deal?"

Anko didn't say anything at first before replying softly, "I asked the Hokage to negate my mission contract."

I felt my eyes widen as I stared at her. Wait, that meant...

"So, you're not in charge of me anymore," I realized. "What, was dealing with me every day too much for you?"

"That wasn't it," Anko replied harshly. "I just couldn't take this farce anymore. I don't want to be bound to a contract for something like this."

"Something like this?" I asked with some disbelief. "So, what, you're just going to give up on me?"

"I'm not giving up!" she finally burst out with, glaring at me. "I just couldn't take it anymore! This isn't right – there's nothing right about being forced to be with family out of some misbegotten order from my village. I didn't want to live under the pretense of a mission anymore."

"What are you talking about?"

Anko turned away. "How many times have you wondered if I've done something because I'm supposed to, or genuinely wanted to?"

Too many times to count. Okay, I get it now.

"So," I started, "what happens now? Now that you don't _have_ to watch over me, what comes next?"

She hesitated before sighing. "Nothing _needs_ to change. We can continue living together as if nothing changed, as if we were never bound to anything in the first place."

"Or?"

Anko's eyes narrowed, but she wasn't looking at me. "You're no longer bound to stay here. If you really wanted, you could leave. The orphanage is still available, or an apartment if you wanted it..."

I tilted my head. "So, I could just, _leave_ if I wanted? No red tape or anything?"

"Yes," she whispered. "That's right."

"I could just get an apartment and pretend we'd never even met before?"

"If you wanted."

"I could leave, right now, and you wouldn't stop me?"

Anko nodded once. "Yes."

"Huh. Okay then," I said, glancing over at the refrigerator real quick before looking back at her. "One last question: do you regret anything about this experience?"

She tensed again, her expression darkening further. "There are some things, yes."

"That's too bad," I said, getting her attention again. "I don't regret a damn thing. Anyway, let's get going."

Her head popped up and she looked at me with some surprise. "Go...? Go where?"

I frowned at her. "You could've told me all of that before, but _no_ , you wanted to be in your safe haven first. That's cool, but I'm still hungry."

She seemed confused still. "But wait, what do you plan to do? Will you be going to the orphanage again?"

My frown deepened. "Do you _want_ me to go back to the orphanage or get my own place?"

"No," she answered with some anxiousness.

"Do you _want_ me to leave?"

Again, she replied, "No."

I clapped my hands. "Good. Problem solved. Let's go eat."

Anko continued to stare at me and I sighed. I walked up to her and grabbed her hand.

"I trust you," I told her directly, replying to what she'd said to me before talking to the Hokage.

She said nothing for a moment, only gripping my hand a bit more tightly. Then, she gave a soft smile.

"Okay," she finally responded. "Where to?"

* * *

Take me to eat barbeque, Anko! Delicious barbeque. Man, I really wish Akimichi restaurants were real. They look so, fucking, good.


	11. Chapter 11

Yes. Run-Myself-Ragged-Jutsu, activated!

* * *

I ran across the living room to the foyer, tugging on my vest as I simultaneously tried slipping on my sandals. Anko frowned from where she sat on the couch, her eyes narrowing at me when I turned to say bye.

"What about dinner?" she asked, still frowning but not moving from where she sat.

I grimaced. This would be second week in a row that I'd missed eating with her for dinner. It was practically one of the only times we were alone together anymore since Kurenai came back from her mission. Now they both trained me together – Kurenai with the solid basics and finesse of katas, forms, and overall follow-through, and Anko with drawing on that learnt knowledge with practical application. Aside of dinner time, we never even saw each other much enough to have actual private conversation. She woke up early to go to work to compensate for leaving early to train me, and then went to bed almost immediately after dinner was finished. I woke up fairly early myself, but it made little sense to get up with her at four in the morning just so I could watch her get ready to go. To be honest, I missed our bonding times.

"Sorry," I said hurriedly, hand already turning the door handle so I could leave. "Eat without me. I'm really sorry, Anko."

She looked back to the papers in her lap. "I don't get why you have to spend extra time at the academy this late anyway. I don't remember there being tutors available long after school finished when I was there."

I chuckled awkwardly. "Well, hey, come on. You graduated over four years ago. You can't expect everything to stay the same. Anyway, got to go!"

I ducked out of the apartment and let the door close on its own as I ran down the hallway to head outside. First tying on the forehead protector I'd grabbed before leaving the apartment, I then pulled out a mini-timer from my pocket and filled it with chakra, immediately satisfied when I saw the zeros light up on the screen. As soon as I pressed one of the buttons and the nanoseconds began recording, I was pushing off of the metal fence and onto the roof on the opposite of the street. I channeled chakra through my legs and pushed my body to speed off at faster and faster intervals. My speed was nothing compared to an active genin, but if I was to laud anything about myself, it would be my speed.

Anko's little idea about having a snake slither after me everywhere had definitely had good results. I learned to control the allocation of my chakra subconsciously, allowing for more comprehensive thought patterns concerning what possible paths would take me where fastest. I also never got bit anymore, after the first month or so of that hell. I got used to the speed and could outrun the tiny – read: incredibly weak – summon without too much trouble.

Then, she decided I was becoming too arrogant and wrote seals into my clothes and sandals. I was now getting bit every damn day. Thank God the damn summon was still a fucking baby.

Thanks Obama. I mean, Anko.

I clapped my hands together for a focal point to concentrate on as I focused my chakra to fight against my weights and give me greater speed. I hit the edge of one roof and instead of falling directly downwards, went down at an angle to hit the wall of an opposite building and then leap to the road from there. The second I looked up to see ahead of me, I frowned as I saw all of the obstacles standing in front of me.

A flashback to Anko when bombed me with a bunch of weak fire jutsu ran across my mind and gritted my teeth.

I slammed my left foot onto the ground, pushing away with a flash of chakra as I dodged through one group of people to an open space on the other side of the road. My eyes were already searching for another gap as my right foot touched the ground for a half-second before I was already moving in a different direction again. I dodged past one person after another, excluding the shinobi. I knew which ones were shinobi because they just glanced at me before I reached them and edged out of the way just barely enough that they wouldn't become collateral damage if I timed a step wrong. The civilians just looked at me with some annoyance as I passed around them. Eh, irritation, I could deal with.

Turning a corner, I ducked into one specific store and quickly pressed a button on my timer to see my time as I breathed in and out with quick breaths. Eight minutes, twenty-three seconds, seventy-two nanoseconds.

Damn. That was nearly half a minute slower than my best time. That wasn't good.

"You're late."

I frowned as I looked across the store at the master who only spared me an expression of annoyance. I adjusted my vest as I walked in deeper into the store towards him.

"My sister held me up a bit longer than expected," I explained, looking down at a few packages stacked up. They looked heavy.

The master gently patted one of the packages. "These are all of the old kunai and metals picked up from various training grounds. This is our project for today."

Crap. I shouldn't have worn my vest today.

"Where should I carry them?" I asked, placing my hands on one box.

The master shoved me away from it, sending me spilling onto the ground. He stood in front of the old metal protectively, as if I was somehow going to eat them for dinner or something.

"You're tendin' to the heat, today, kid," he instructed gruffly, pointing his finger towards the kiln. "I want that hearth to be nice and hot and at an even temperature today, or I swear I'm goin' to toss you in there myself."

I started. "Wait, I thought you said no more working with the kiln?"

It wasn't my fault I'd melted something I shouldn't have. Luckily, it had just been a horseshoe, but still.

"I've got too much stock to be worryin' any 'bout stuff on the grounds. You want that money? Best get to movin', brat. We only got two hours to work 'for I have to kick you out."

I nodded, standing up and jogging across the store to pull off a thick cloth hanging from a hook and wrapped it around my head so it would catch my sweat. I then pulled off my vest and stuck it on the hook instead before grabbing a log and tossing it into the cage beneath the kiln. A lit match went in next before I grabbed a pair of hand-bellows to start the long, annoying process of getting everything heated up. After ten minutes of preparation, the master began tossing in one piece of metal after another. I just continued to measure the amount of heat being funneled.

He called for tongs after some time had passed and I jumped up from my position to grab a pair and give them to him. He pulled out some deformed metal pieces and set them on an anvil to start molding them into new, sharper, better kunai.

"Keep that hearth running strong, girl," he ordered.

I wiped my cheek against my shirt to rid myself of the sweat as I occupied myself with adding more wood to the fire. I heard the giant sizzle some time later as the new kunai was dipped into a vat of water for the initial cooling process, and I felt myself sigh as it started getting humid on top of the already acrid heat.

A brief sense of displacement hit me as I felt exhaustion grab a hold of my consciousness. Dizziness followed a second later but I shook it away to concentrate again on my current task. Using hand-bellows always tired me incredibly since I simply didn't have the stamina or strength to keep using one for over an hour straight. Hell, the stupid tool was practically as big as I was.

When the old man said it was time to finally move today's products into the setting room, I sighed with relief and wiped my face again with my shirt. That meant I could start the process of cooling down the kiln in a timely manner so that the shift in temperature didn't cause irreparable harm to the device. I tiredly stood up and walked across the fire room to get a shovel and broom. With the shovel, I reached deep into the chasm of the kiln's bottom to pull out the remains of the fire and clean it so that nothing would cause problems for next time's use.

Normally, kilns were never supposed to be allowed to be cooled, but chakra allowed for blacksmiths to not worry so much about this part. The chakra trapped the heat, but only at a certain temperature – otherwise, it had to be manned constantly. Meh, it wasn't my field of expertise, so I couldn't say I really cared one way or another.

As soon as I was done throwing out the waste and used charcoal, I stood up only to come face-to-face with my boss. He shoved six hundred ryou into my hands and motioned with his thumb for me to get the hell out. I looked tiredly on as he walked away and then back to the money in my hands. Exhaling softly, I moved to get my vest off of the hook and reached in to get my coin purse out. I pushed the money in and then put the bag back into my pocket. The second my vest was back over my torso, I heard a loud _ahem_ and nodded slowly. As I walked out of the store, the man glared down at me.

"Best be here again on time this Monday, brat, or the deal's off."

"I'll be here," I promised warily.

I turned away as the shop's doors slid shut with a loud bang and walked down the street, readying myself for the long trek home. I pulled off the forehead protector that I'd put on earlier. I looked at the thing and sighed – one day, Anko was going to figure out that I kept stealing hers and then I'd be in loads of trouble. I was safe for now because she had no reason not to trust me and wouldn't think so wrongly of me to attempt such a thing, but if I couldn't find a way to continue stalling her, she was going to start hunting down the truth herself. I rubbed the metal with my hand as I continued walking.

What I was doing was illegal – there were no ifs, ands, or buts about that. I was _not_ supposed to be playing the role of the pitiful genin, acting as if I were older than I was, and vying for work to make a quick buck. I grimaced from guilt as I always did after my part-time job finished before my eyes caught a hold of glittering piece of metal in the window of a store. Like every other evening, I automatically walked straight up to it, staring at the beautiful piece of work.

It was a tantou not unlike what the ANBU or Root might use, but it was different in that it had pockets of chakra enhanced metal melded into it. The tantou would allow for one particular element for chakra manipulation, and the user could then channel their chakra into it and voila: wind tantou, or fire tantou, or whatever. But, because it only allowed one particular element, and because it automatically registered only one type of chakra signature, it meant the weapon couldn't be used by anyone else to its full potential. Because of this, though, it was wickedly expensive. It actually cost around 30,000 ryou. To date, I had approximately 10,400 ryou. I had nowhere near enough.

I'd made a deal with the one blacksmith and he paid me about six hundred ryou for an inside job, and anywhere from one thousand to two thousand for any outside jobs or deliveries. I'd also been lucky enough to make a deal with the maker of this particular tantou – if I babysat his children each weekend, he would mark down the tantou for me by nearly two thousand ryou each day if I watched the brats for five hours plus. That meant the total, providing he didn't sell out of the special weapon before I managed to get my hands on it, was currently at around 26,000 ryou. If I babysat tomorrow and Sunday, too, it would be down to 22,000 ryou, and I would be halfway there. A couple of outside jobs for the blacksmith and one more weekend would probably allow me to make enough money to finally get it.

And, I _really_ wanted the damn thing.

It's been over six months since Anko has gotten back into the swing of things in Konoha, and the Hokage is deeming her worthy of proving herself in duty once again come early October. She'll be joining an active team of chuunin to see how she works alongside others and whether she has any peculiarities that need addressing. She was both excited and overly concerned about what would happen if she left the village and ran into any trouble. That's neither here nor there, though.

Anko's birthday wasn't for yet another month, but I was determined to get her this weapon before she went on her mission even if I had to run myself ragged. She's a close-range fighter anyway, and this would be an excellent way to allow her to catch her enemies off guard. The weapon was so expensive and intricately made that most shinobi didn't bother buying them. Plus, if someone happened to drop it somewhere... It honestly wasn't worth all the trouble of buying it compared to buying lesser brands for cheaper and with more bulk.

I looked back at the forehead protector before sighing. But _damned_ if I didn't feel guilty for how I was going about doing this.

Thirty minutes later, the scorched, charred, and slovenly me trudged into the apartment, my sandals kicked to the side as soon as I was inside. The light was still on in the living room, but Anko had already retired for the night. I frowned when I saw a bowl of something sitting on the kitchen table and ran a hand through my hair. It was getting longer, and was at this awkward stage where I didn't really know how to style it and make it look cool. So I just ruffled it every day and said the hell with it.

I shuffled quietly down the hall towards Anko's room. Opening the door as softly as I could, I tip-toed in towards her bed.

"I'm back," I whispered, knowing that she'd been aware of my presence from the moment I got home.

"You smell burnt," she muttered, her voice gravelly from having been woken up.

"Fire jutsu do that," I joked tiredly, sneakily placing the hitai-ate back where I'd first stolen it.

She mumbled something before turning away from me and going back to sleep, now secure in the fact that I was home and safe. I chuckled and turned to leave, closing the door gently behind me. Back in the living room, I looked down at the bowl and sighed. I was too tired to eat yet again, so I'd have to just save the meal for breakfast. That was a shame – it looked like she'd made ochazuke, and I loved that dish. Warming it up would take away from the flavor, but I just didn't have the energy to eat it.

I picked the bowl up and stuffed the entire thing into the refrigerator before turning off the living room light and heading into the bathroom to take a much needed shower. As soon as I was into my pajamas, I fell onto my bed and fell asleep immediately, not even taking the time to get under the covers. I'm sure I was quite the sight to see when Anko woke up the next morning, because I found myself wrapped under my blanket as if I'd just gone to be normally when I finally woke up.

I'll say something for my new after school and training activity – it definitely increased my workload, and on top of that, my stress levels. I never saw Anko, and would never consider snapping at my teachers at school, but, every now and then, I would find a wonderful outlet in the form of the most annoying little cockroach.

The following Monday after a wonderful, absolutely riveting weekend of babysitting, Rouri and his band of goons faced me at one corner of the playground when we let out for recess, and needless to say, I was not pleased.

"Hey, look who it is," Rouri said with a quick smirk. "Our little faggot, come to play."

I looked around to see if anyone was watching before my eyes found his again. I didn't say anything since it always seemed to piss him off so much.

My bully snarled at me and reached for my vest. I navigated with my left wrist to push his away before grabbing onto his wrist, tugging him down, to his extreme surprise, and landing a fist straight into his nose. Yuuya yelled out as reached for me, but I evaded him, my hands running through the seals for my one and only jutsu.

"Genjutsu: Fukashi no Kaze," I murmured, grimacing when I felt my chakra sucked out to allow for the genjutsu to take hold.

I saw them gasp as I disappeared from in front of their very eyes, and quickly placed a very low-grade explosion tag at their feet – eh, it might give them first-degree burns, but oh well – and ducked around them as I felt my jutsu come apart. I clapped my hands into the Tiger seal and shouted,

"Katon: Fuck You Motherfuckers!"

They barely had enough time to register the danger before the tag burst into a small explosion, throwing them all back. I narrowed my eyes at them as I saw Rouri seek me out from where he still lay on the ground, slightly charred, but more or less just fine. I stood still glaring at them for a few seconds before turning around and walking towards the school building as all of the other students stared at the results of my actions. My homeroom teacher, whose name I finally knew to be Watanabe Maria, took one look at me and then at my bullies before closing her mouth and letting me pass by without a word. Rouri shouted for her to punish me, but Maria-sensei never looked back my way even once as I went back inside.

I sagged against the wall as exhaustion hit me from usage of my jutsu.

Hours later, after classes were over, my teacher pulled me aside, eyes narrowed at me.

"Was that necessary?" she asked me as I turned my gaze away.

"Do you feel less guilty now after ignoring me the first time around?"

Maria-sensei's mouth firmed. "So, this is comeuppance, is it?"

My head tilted to the side as I felt a wave of extreme tiredness pass over me. Damn it, I still had nearly three hours of training and then two hours of work after this. Perhaps I was pushing my young body a bit too hard.

"Do you know why bullying exists?" I asked her, feeling ready to just drop to the floor and fall asleep.

She took in a deep breath. "Because there is no one to tell them no, I would suppose."

I nodded with a small smile. "Perhaps you should be the first to let them figure that out."

"No, no," she denied, shaking her head. "I'll leave that up to you, in exchange for not telling Mitarashi-san about your little afterschool activities."

I froze and my gaze swiveled over to her. I daresay my hands automatically reached for my practice kunai out of habit.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, trying to play dumb.

Maria-sensei frowned down at me. "She came here over the weekend, inquiring about what sort of game we were playing with our afterschool program. You're lucky, Hotaru. If I hadn't seen you working every evening under the guise of a genin, I wouldn't have been able to cover for you."

"How did you...?" I trailed off, giving up on acting as if I didn't have a clue.

"I live across the street from that blacksmith," Maria-sensei explained without pretense. "On the second floor. I know that man very well. He and I also had a discussion about how you're actually my student."

"You what?" I ground out. "I need that job! How dare you –"

"Relax," my teacher said softly. "He knows what's going on. Look, I don't know why you need the money, and I don't know why you're playing the role of a genin, but if you help me out with that, I can keep lying for you, if need be. _That_ is how I will feel less guilty for that previous incident."

I frowned. "I don't trust you."

"As well you shouldn't, but do you really have much choice in the matter?"

That was a no on my part. I didn't, and if Anko found out, she'd skin me alive for lying and playing her. Goddamn it.

"It's for my sister's birthday," I muttered out some time later. "The gift is really expensive, and I can't get a job as a normal five-year-old."

"Good answer," my teacher replied with a soft smile. "For the record, he knew you weren't a genin. You probably just looked so pathetic that he couldn't really refuse. Plus, he needed the help."

"So, what happens now?"

Maria-sensei exhaled through her nose as she looked out a window overlooking the playground. I saw her suddenly sharpen her focus on something before she finally turned back to me.

"Seems like your sister is waiting for you outside of the gate. I'll make this quick – as a teacher and your instructor, I must say that I cannot, in any capacity, condone your activities as of late. Lying, stealing, using underhanded methods to achieve your goals... This is hardly suitable behavior for a child such as yourself, considering all matters of morality and such."

I crossed my arms over my chest. "But?"

"But, let's face it," she continued, looking back out the window. "As a shinobi myself, I can hardly, _truly_ , label that as reprehensible behavior. Rather, I should be proud that you have learned to operate in such avenues at so young an age. I'm as proud as I am disappointed – children shouldn't have to grow up so fast."

"So, you'll keep my secret?"

"For now. I won't be able to keep Mitarashi-san in the dark for much longer, I'm afraid."

After assuming my sister had been kept waiting long enough, Maria-sensei escorted me out of the building to the main entrance where Anko and Kurenai were leaning against the fence, waiting for me to come out. My sister glanced at me briefly before giving her full attention to Maria-sensei. The latter just smiled down at me.

"Good luck with training, and I will see you for your remedial lessons later this evening."

Anko frowned somewhat but wasn't able to say anything as Kurenai came up to her side and spoke first.

"I find it rather odd that you would have lessons so late in the evening," Kurenai pointed out. "I thought the school was leaving her training up to outside sources."

Maria-sensei nodded swiftly. "While we do legitimately have training for those students who don't quite grasp the odd concept every now and then, I'm afraid we cannot put any more effort into Hotaru's overall menu due to the agreement drawn up before she began school in April. As it has already been made perfectly clear that she is to seek guidance elsewhere, it would reflect poorly on our institution to take on that task regardless of the previous agreement. However, while we may not be able to teach her new techniques or methods of fighting, that is not to say we cannot work off of already learnt material and help her understand what she's been taught more thoroughly."

Anko appeared a bit miffed by this train of logic. She turned towards me, her eyes narrowed slightly. "If there was something you didn't get, you could've just asked us."

"Pardon me, Mitarashi-san," Maria-sensei interjected quickly, regaining Anko's attention, "but please understand that neither of you are in fact instructors in any capacity. Knowing material and knowing how to _teach_ said material are two completely different constructs. Just because you understand something does not in any way indicate that you are suitable for teaching it yourself. Practical application is wonderful, but sometimes, one needs to know the theories behind movements before the information is truly absorbed."

I stared up at my homeroom teacher, kind of perturbed by how easily she'd made her argument. She was good, and the fact that she was mixing up enough truth to make the lies seem plausible was somewhat incredible. I could even see Anko mulling over it, unable to really dispute it. Kurenai hadn't said anything either so far, which meant she didn't know much of what would be good to say.

Maria-sensei smiled. "You find yourself at odds with my words, but allow me to tell you I am perfectly capable of carrying the reins of what you've taught young Hotaru here. I am a specialized jounin myself. I simply take more pleasure out of teaching than I do fighting in the field."

I gaped some more. She was a jounin? What.

My teacher grinned and winked down at me and I automatically shuddered, feeling nothing short of repulsed by that action. Why do people _do_ that? It's wrong and disturbing.

I turned away from Maria-sensei and grasped Anko's hand, forcing her to look down at me.

"I just did what I thought was best. Besides, don't you think five hours training with you every day is a bit overkill?"

She didn't say anything for a little while before frowning more deeply.

"What are you doing every day that makes you smell like you've been burnt?"

I tilted my head, quickly replying, "Evasion techniques. Fire hurts more than water at this stage, and I wouldn't survive having chunks of rocks thrown at me or gusts of wind that I can't see."

Her brown eyes, full of irritation, turned back to look at my teacher, but she silently bowed her head before turning away, her hand firmly grasping mine. I bit my bottom lip as the three of us walked away from my teacher, guilt gnawing at my nerves yet again. Anko couldn't be fooled like this for much longer.

I hadn't realized just how suspicious she'd become until over a week later, when I realized I'd finally accrued almost shy of five thousand ryou less than the posted price. I'd come home after a particularly tedious evening of raking some training grounds for old metal and used weaponry to say my greetings to her before she went to sleep and I fell into the realm of unconsciousness.

"Why do you take my forehead protector every day?" she asked me, causing me to jolt in surprise and then grit my teeth as I sought to come up with a decent answer.

"It keeps me safe," I eventually said, my lame excuse causing me to wince inwardly.

It actually kind of did – no one really questioned me when I ran across roofs when I had that thing on. No one bothered me when they saw me hunting for supplies, and no one disturbed me when they saw me doing something a normal five-year-old wouldn't be. I could say that it protected my head from all the remedial training that I was supposedly undertaking at the academy, and that would probably be true enough, if I really actually were involving myself with such.

"I don't like having to do this," I finally admitted, realizing this was one of the few truths I'd told for the past month.

I really didn't enjoy my current role. I didn't like the idea of going behind Anko's back to achieve this, but I felt that if I didn't this with my own blood, sweat, and tears, it wouldn't hold as much meaning. It would detract from what I've been working towards this entire time.

Just another week, I chanted in my head. Anko would leave on Saturday. I had five days to scrape up the remaining 4,600 ryou. Hopefully, I would get an outside job because last week was all working at the kiln. I needed at least one outside job. Just one. No, two. One large one, or two small outside jobs. Then I would have enough. Just a little bit more.

"I really wish you wouldn't," Anko murmured softly, her face turned away from me and looking at the far side of her room.

Crap. Now I'd have to be extra careful to make sure I wasn't caught.

"All right," I finally conceded. "I'm sorry."

I left her room feeling less confident about my plan than ever before.

Just one more week, for better or for worse.

* * *

I plastered myself against the store window, my breath heaving in and out harshly as I stared at the gem sparkling inside. I _finally_ had enough money to buy the sucker, and had done it in five days to boot! Two outside jobs and three inside jobs would now leave me with two hundred extra ryou to do what I would with it. I was finally finished. But, it was late Friday night, and two my consternation, the shop was closed.

Damn it. Anko would be leaving bright and early at five in the morning. The shop wouldn't open again until ten on a Saturday. I had to buy it _now_ , so why was the shop _closed_?

I banged on the door a few times, pleading for someone to open up. I kept banging until a light in the store flickered on and the owner was at the door, peering down at me with a raised eyebrow.

"We're closed, Hotaru."

"I know, I know!" I quickly exclaimed, holding out my purse bursting with the money I'd saved up. "But she leaves tomorrow at five! If I don't buy it now, then it will feel like I've failed! Please, I know you're tired, but please..."

He sighed and held out his hand. I quickly placed my purse into his palm, watching as he walked back into the store and gestured for me to follow. I shuffled in, my eyes catching the glint of the weapon I wanted so badly before watching him count out each note methodically.

"Let's see. I've got a total of 20,000 ryou here," he began, writing down the numbers before looking at a ledger, "and I promised you a 2,000 ryou mark down for each time you babysat my children. That puts the official selling price at 18,000 ryou for six days' worth of babysitting, – that was a big help, by the way – which means you have surpassed your goal and have an additional 2,000 ryou to keep for yourself."

I bounced on the balls of my feet as I watched him go into the back of his store before coming out with a beautiful onyx box with a golden clasp. He gingerly set the box on the front counter and flicked open the clasp. Pulling back the lid gently, he grasped the box and held it down low enough for me to see the beautiful silver edge of the tantou and its accompanying sheath. I stared at it, almost disbelieving that I was able to buy such a magnificent piece of work. I could see the indents of where the chakra pathways were embossed, with each tendril looping around the blade but hardly diminishing from its sharp edge or elegance. I dearly wished to touch it, but that would have made this entire ordeal pointless.

"Is there something you would like embroidered onto it?" the owner asked me kindly.

My eyes immediately flashed up to look at him. "You can do that? But I thought that it couldn't be touched anymore?"

"For a price," he answered with a grin. "And I just can't touch it with my hands. That's not to say I can't touch it with my tools."

Oh. That made sense.

He rose, the box still in his hands. "What would you like for it to say? And in what color? Gold, or silver?"

I hesitated for a few seconds.

"Gold. Please just make it say 'Anko'."

* * *

I had a late start that morning. The embellishing had taken over an hour, so I hadn't gotten to bed until almost midnight. Rising at four had been too difficult for me, and so I'd slept late until nearly a quarter until five. It was with a furious stream of curses that I'd jumped out of bed, shoved on some clothes, and grabbed the box before racing out the door. I didn't bother to comb my hair or make sure I was even dressed properly – those things didn't matter at this moment.

I jumped from roof to roof, both of my hands holding tightly onto the box as I pushed myself for the speed I didn't quite have yet, especially not with my less-than-pleasant start to the day. By the time I'd reached the gates, Anko and the team she was working with for that mission were already walking down the path away from Konoha. I made as if to run out after them, but a ninja I'd never seen before appeared in my path, blocking me from leaving. I pushed against him, my left hand securely around the box, but he wasn't having any of that. Damn it!

"Anko!" I suddenly shouted, not wanting to lose this chance. "Anko! Anko! Wait, come back!"

For a moment, I was afraid she hadn't heard me. I tried moving around the shinobi again, but he just gently forced me back away from the gates. I was starting to think I really had been too late.

When I saw her small, lithe body pause a moment and slowly turn around to glance behind her, I began struggling anew for all I was worth. Anko motioned to the other ninja before jogging back to the main gates where I was standing, still breathing ridiculously hard. Were this any other day, she would have teased me for my inability to do something so basic.

"I don't have much time," Anko said as soon as she reached me, though she did direct the guard to leave me alone. "Make it quick."

I breathed in and out, trying to catch my breath as best I could. Shakily, I held out the box to her, my arms trembling.

Anko looked down at it with some confusion. "What's this?"

"I, uh," I gasped before taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly. "I know your birthday's in a few weeks, but I figured that since this was your first big mission for such a long time, that I'd give you your present now."

Anko's eyes widened slightly and she stared down at the box in her hands. By this time, her fellow teammates had moseyed back, curious as to what the holdup was. Anko frowned as she tentatively unclasped the lock and opened the box. I saw her eyes widen further and she froze as if in shock. The jounin – at least, I think he was a jounin – let out a slow whistle of appreciation when he saw the weapon. Anko just stared at her new gift before her eyes slowly sought out mine.

"What...is this?" she asked, her voice little more than a whisper.

"Happy Birthday, Anko!" I chirped with more energy than I felt I had. "Kick some ass!"

I saw her mouth open and then close shut a few times, no words leaving her lips. Her fingers pressed against the box more tightly as the muscles in her arms tautened. I'm sure that had we been alone, she might've cried, but as it was, she simply gave me back the box, reached into it to grab the tantou and its sheath before channeling some chakra into it. The weapon came to life as fire suddenly blazed around it before cutting out as she broke off the link. Anko slid its edge into the sheath and then tied it to hold at the small of her back for easy access. She turned to look at me again.

"Was that what this whole thing was about?"

I just grinned.

She smiled back before all emotion slipped away from her face. "We'll discuss this later. For now, I need to go."

"Okay," I agreed. "Take care. Stay safe and fight hard."

Another whisper of a grin flitted across her face before she nodded. "Will do. And Hotaru?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

* * *

And that's a wrap for this story for a while as I concentrate all my efforts on Fate: Servant and Cook. Those readers have been waiting (im)patiently for that past two months while I've been busy running an outline for the chapter and moving all across creation. Oh God, I move too much. Thanks Obama.


	12. Chapter 12

I wasn't sure how to start this chapter, but here's the final product. Make your guesses on who the foreigners are. I DARE YOU.

* * *

I snuggled up deeper into the covers. The winter was actually pretty damn chilly when you didn't have a heater in your apartment. Konoha normally has high temperatures three seasons out of four, so for it to suddenly plummet from twenty degree temps down to the teens and sometimes lower was somewhat jarring. It was kind of humiliating for me – I'd already lived in cold places before, but my new body wasn't used to chillier temperatures. I've never had an opportunity to leave the village before. I was kind of looking forward to becoming a genin, because even if it meant I would essentially be doing chores across the village for a while, I still had an opportunity to leave and head elsewhere.

A knock came to my door as I buried my head underneath my pillow.

"Get up. Breakfast's ready," came the soft voice of my sister.

"It's cold," I whined. "I'll eat later."

There was a pause on her end before she threatened, "I could always throw a fire jutsu into your bed for further incentive. Don't think I won't."

My covers were off in a flash, only for me to shiver as a blast of cold air hit me. As my feet touched down on the freezing cold, wooden floors, I pattered across my room to open the door as Anko looked down at me. Seeking warmth, I threw my arms around one of her legs and stuck to her like glue.

"Gah," she muttered, nearly losing her balance. "If you actually put some clothes on, you wouldn't be so cold."

I clung harder to her. "If you actually bought a heater, I wouldn't have to worry about it."

"You're the one who warned me about conserving our money... Put on a sweatshirt if you're so cold."

I just nuzzled my nose into her sweats and heard her sigh. Then, without my being able to duck away, she tucked her hands underneath my arms and lifted me up to eye level with her. I saw her shake her head before taking two steps into my room and launching me back onto my bed. I allowed myself to roll halfway over and then jumped up and did a small backwards flip. By the time I landed on my feet, she was already gone back down the hallway. I felt myself scowl. That had been completely unnecessary.

Five minutes later, I was all dressed for the day. I took a glance at the clock and grumbled when I saw the numbers flip to six-thirty-two in the morning. I was up way too early today, like all days, but if I didn't get up now, I'd never really have time to see Anko anymore. She worked a very odd schedule lately. Normally, she'd work from around seven to three, when I got out of school. She would train with me, sometimes, and then go straight back to work for another number of hours. We didn't eat dinner together anymore, and lunch was pretty much nonexistent. When she wasn't working at T&I, Anko was off on one mission after another, though the highest ranking she'd touched as of late was B. Still, B-Ranked missions brought in a good source of income, and so long as she kept up the hours at her normal job, we led a pretty comfortable life. She was doing damn well for a teenager with a dependent.

I yawned as I shuffled into the kitchen area and sat in my chair. I grinned when I saw the pancakes. She never made me pancakes. Wait.

"You never make pancakes," I pointed out with a frown. "What's the occasion?"

Anko sighed and cut to the chase without preamble: "I'll be heading out on a one-to-three month mission, starting today. I figured I'd leave you with something good to go with that little bit of info."

The pancakes no longer held my attention. "Where are you off to?"

"Some little place called Rice Field Country," she said, an expression of concern on her face.

My fork cut into one pancake. "You don't sound happy about that."

She tapped her own fork against her plate, her gaze looking far away from me. "Something about it all is just annoying the hell out of me, but I'm not sure what it is. I mean, it's a relatively small country, and nothing has happened there, but there's word that something's going down."

I shoveled half a pancake into my mouth, and her expression showed that she was less than impressed. I grinned at her as best as I could and she glared back as I chuckled and swallowed. As I stabbed at the other half of that pancake, I glanced up at her.

"You worried?"

I caught her mid-bite and she chewed for a bit, swallowed, and shook her head. "No. Not really. Something just feels off."

"You're worried."

She shook her head again. "That' s just it. I'm not. At least, not about my end."

I frowned but said nothing more, choosing instead to focus solely on my pancakes. We both ate in silence, and when she finished, she set her fork down gently. Her eyes were shadowed more so than usual, and not just because she kept a busy schedule. My sister was deeply concerned about something, but I couldn't say that I shared the same worry. It was obvious that she didn't want to leave me behind because her instincts kept telling her that something would go wrong. I, however, was completely confident in my safety.

Over the years, I had forgotten many things that had happened in the Naruto story. But, besides the Uchiha Massacre, something I had no intention of sticking my nose into anyway, I knew for _certain_ that nothing important really happened until Naruto graduated from the academy. So, from now until then, I still had a good nine to ten years of complete and utter peace. I'd just graduate quietly from the academy, become a genin, train a bit, maybe hit chuunin level, and bam, I'd be doing pretty good. For survival's sake, if I could hit jounin by the time Naruto graduated, that would put me in a lot better situation. Even so, I still had a number of years of peace.

"Hey," she murmured aloud, regaining my attention. "Don't stay out too late, all right?"

"What, you mean for the next three months?" I asked, somewhat bewildered. "You're kidding, right? This is crunch time for me."

"I know that," Anko replied testily, her eyes narrowing. "Just try not to overdo it. I don't even know why a brat like you is even out training so late, anyway. I want you indoors by seven, at the _latest_. Preferably six."

I shrugged. "Yeah, yeah."

"I'm serious," she said, forcing her point more. I haven't asked you for much lately, so you can at least do me that much, can't you?"

With a groan, I nodded. She was right – she really hadn't been asking me for much of anything as of late. She was always gone, so I'd taken to making dinner at night (hah, the look on her face when she realized I could _cook_. Priceless.) and doing random chores. Every so often, she would leave a random scroll on my bed for me to read and try to figure out the way to do the jutsu. They were always D-Ranked ones, but anything I could add to my arsenal was good enough for me. Anko was probably still pissed when Kurenai told Asuma my chakra affinity, and then ran off and told Kakashi. Then Kakashi decided to tick off my sister by teaching me a super-powered lightning jutsu that nearly landed me in the hospital for chakra exhaustion. I never got to see Kakashi after that. I thanked him very much for the new technique though.

It was kind of Anko's own fault though, and a little bit of Kakashi's. He tried to belittle her a little by telling her the women in his book sounded way hotter than Anko would ever grow up to be. She, in revenge, snuck into his apartment and doused the whole collection of his with a water jutsu. Then she'd sat on his couch with a malicious grin, asking him who was the hotter woman now.

You know, I'd thought that with myself in the equation, Anko wouldn't turn into that promiscuous woman with sadistic tendencies, and, honestly, she wasn't. At least, not with me. The second she'd started going on missions more, though, she'd needed a persona to keep people at arm's length without having to kill them for either trying to take a piss on her life or putting her down because of her past. So, outside of the apartment, Anko was that crazy person I'd always seen on television. At home, she was...fairly normal. It was a bit difficult to get used to at first, but I adapted.

The thing was, with her change, I'd felt a need to have an outer persona, too, but I just didn't have it in me to attempt to act like some blood-thirsty brat who was one twitch away from plunging a kunai into the nearest person's eye. And, what with all the shit that went down with Rouri and those other idiots at school, it was just easier to show no emotion to anyone whatsoever. It was hardly any different from how I'd normally acted anyway – I just never smiled at all anymore if I could help it. People left me alone for the most part, and I didn't have to act like a normal child at all. All along, I'd thought that Sasuke was a fucking prick, but he'd actually had the right idea. I, unlike him, though, just wasn't at the top of the totem pole, nor was I at the bottom. I'd put myself in the exact middle so no one gave a fuck about me unless I forced myself to stand out...which was never.

Anyway. Back to the previous conversation. No, Anko hadn't asked for much of anything from me lately, which put me in the awkward situation of having to agree to whatever little she _did_ ask. And hey, it probably _wasn't_ a good idea for a child my age to be out so late anyway. It was an easy thing to concede to.

Anko smiled at me again, which instantly filled me with warmth. She was doing that more and more lately. I loved it. Then, she suddenly frowned.

"And I swear," she started, her voice low, "if I ever hear a peep that you'd even attempted to perform that damn lightning jutsu, I am going to summon fucking Manda and let _him_ deal with you."

I paled immediately. My voice came out in a little squeak. "What?"

"I'm not kidding."

"That jutsu is _awesome_!"

"I don't give a shit."

I stared at her with horror as she stood up, picked up her plate, and set it into the sink. She gave me a small smirk before heading towards her bedroom.

"Do the dishes," she ordered as she walked away. "I need to finish putting my gear together. After that, I can walk you to school."

I didn't budge from my seat, even after she'd left my vision. I'd been planning on practicing that very jutsu the moment I'd realized she'd be gone for a while – chakra exhaustion be damned. Now I'd have to be a bit more creative with how I went about things. Maybe I could do something for Kakashi and get him to owe me a favor? Ah, but just thinking about whatever _he_ might actually make me do made me sick to my stomach and I sighed. I couldn't practice at home alone, either, because my chakra control was still too shitty with the new jutsu. It required far too much, and the moment it went haywire, it would probably burn the whole place down, or at least ruin everything with scorch marks.

I bit my lip and glared over at where my sister had disappeared. Siblings were a pain in the ass, sometimes.

* * *

A little under an hour later, Anko and I had left the apartment and started heading down steps of our complex. She was decked out in her chuunin jacket, and I loved seeing her in it, much to her usual amusement. It was just so _cool_ seeing her look so official and ready for action. Anko smirked but didn't do anything more than that. Now that we were outside and out and about, she had a reputation to keep. As for me, I was just being my less-than-cuddly self.

"How are those bullies doing lately?" she asked as we walked down the road.

I smirked evilly, cackling laughter echoing through my mind as I thought about my latest stunt with Rouri. "Oh, I made good use of those ingredients you bought for me. Those guys may as well be married to the toilet with as much crap as I put into those brownies."

Anko chuckled. "It's at times like this that I have no doubt that we're related."

"Hey," I spoke out, not the least bit offended. "It's their fault for trying to steal my food. I just helped their GI tract out a bit."

"With as much as you seem to know about the human body, I wonder why you're not more interested in becoming a medical ninja," she pondered softly.

I scoffed, turning away. "I'll never be one of those."

At one point in time, I'd sincerely wanted to go back to school to become a medical professional. I remember this much clearly about my old life. An anesthesiologist had been my overall goal, but that was before my mysterious incident, or whatever had forced me into my new life. I guess the reason I didn't want to carry on with that goal was the same reason I'd never chosen to be a medic in video games – medics always got shafted. The tanks would all die, and the medic would try to heal, but if the medic died due to lack of protection, then somehow, everything was the medic's fault. Now, that's not saying that real life would prove to be the exact same, but I wasn't sure I was ready to tangle with the style of healing in this world. Of course, I still had a lot of time to choose my career path, but I just couldn't see myself going down that route. Then again, I wasn't sure what I would become.

When the academy came into view, I smiled a bit wistfully. After this, I wouldn't be seeing my sister for a long while. I was no stranger to being alone, but since Anko hadn't said anything about Kurenai coming over to watch after me, I could only assume that I was on my own this time around.

The two of us stopped some distance away from the main entrance to the ground and I turned around to look at her. She frowned at me for a moment before giving me a cocky grin. Translation: "I'm worried about leaving you alone, but I'm sure you'll be fine."

Her grin transformed into a menacing smirk and, admittedly, I gulped. Translation: "And if I find out that you've done anything I've told you not to, your ass is going to get a beat-down."

I shrugged and she let out a small sigh. Her hand ruffled my hair before she walked away, waving her hand slightly as a goodbye. Then, I saw her stop and turn back to look at me.

"I forgot one thing," Anko called out. "My boss will be checking in on you every now and then, and you know how he can be."

I immediately froze, an unbidden "urk" coming out of my mouth.

Anko obviously couldn't help but chuckle at this. "That's why I said to make sure to be home by those times. He might even decide to pick you up from school at times, or the training grounds, even. Be on your best behavior."

 _Inoichi_ , I thought darkly to myself as she really did leave this time. _Why_ him _of all people? His kid's cute and all, and I love his wife, but I just genuinely cannot_ stand _the guy._

It didn't make much sense either for me to dislike him. The man hadn't actually done anything wrong, and was always asking about how I was doing, but I guess I was insulted because he'd always insinuated that Anko wasn't doing the best she possibly could given the circumstances. It irritated me, not for my sake, but hers. Then again, I was the only one who really knew how much effort she was putting both into our relationship and our lives in general. She worked damn hard, but Inoichi could only see one aspect of it all. That wasn't his fault, but that first meeting, and consequently, every single one after, had rubbed me the wrong way. Oh well. At least little Ino was adorable, for a toddler.

I scowled and turned to make my way into the academy grounds. As I was about to go into the building itself, someone called out my name, forcing me to turn my glare on them instead. I paused momentarily when I saw who had caught my attention.

"Hotaru-chan," the girl said with little inflection, her expression hidden by her high collar and sunglasses.

"Shina," I replied with just as much expression. "How goes it?"

I sensed her smile as her deeper voice responded, "I am well, thank you."

Meet Aburame Shina, the twin sister of Shiyou, one of my classmates. Shina was one of the rare few females in her clan, a fact that had considerably surprised me when we'd first met. I'd figured her to be a more feminine boy until both she and Shiyou had told me otherwise. I honestly hadn't thought the clan bore any females, but it wasn't that they didn't, but that they were so rare that the fact wasn't worth mentioning in the first place. I'd met her one day when I'd been bored and had gone up to talk to the one person who hadn't treated me like crap when I'd first joined the academy.

Shiyou had respectfully introduced me to Shina, a girl who hadn't said single word to me at all until I'd known her for some time. Whereas Shiyou was simply quiet, this girl had a hidden anger deep within her that spurred her forward. Being one of the few women of the family made them quite protective of her, which in turn, forced her to grow angry with being treated like she was a China doll. Shina didn't show her anger very often, if at all, and the only reason I knew was from how she would react when teachers attempted to treat her with white gloves, as if she would fall apart. She wasn't very receptive to such things, at all.

I'd learnt a few things about these two kids. One: Shiyou was smart. And I mean, he was _really_ smart. He was actually at the top of our class due to his intelligence, but he couldn't apply himself as well in battle. He knew what to do, but Shiyou would oft times second-guess himself and considered too many paths instead of going with his instincts. Due to this, despite how he would often score in the academic department, no one paid him much attention. Plus, he was always quiet and didn't proactively try to make friends, so no one really knew or cared much about him.

Shina, however, was probably the exact opposite of her brother. She was strong, and had amazing fighting capabilities. She knew how to plant her kikaichuu on her opponent and use other various tricks to confuse them as her insects simultaneously sucked their victims dry, or, at least, until the officiator called the match. Shina, I found, could prove deadly and had a narrow-minded view that whoever she opposed was her guaranteed enemy. There was no grey portion with her – if she was facing down a classmate, that classmate would be taken down. Period. No ifs, ands, or buts to it. Because of this, most people wouldn't go near her, and if one cared to tack on the facts of her being a female Aburame and someone ridden with bugs in her body, that made her doubly terrible. It was somewhat terrible to realize, because outside of battle, she was simply a shy, young woman who wanted friends as much as any other.

The first day she'd called me "Hotaru-chan", I think I'd choked on my banana.

"Where's Shiyou?" I said, glancing around. Where one twin was, the other was usually to follow.

"He is already in the classroom. I was simply waiting for you."

"That was nice of you," I told her, the two of us walking inside of the building. "You doing all right, seriously? You seem nervous."

Shina didn't bother to answer, but I only knew of that nervousness because I saw a few insects kind of blitzing around her. She stayed silent for a few more moments before turning to me as we reached my classroom.

"I am curious," she began. "Would you be interested in joining my brother and I for lunch?"

Well, this was rare. The two were fairly close, but they didn't normally eat together with one another. For them to even consider inviting an outsider to that was definitely strange. It wasn't the first time she'd invited me though, nor was it the first time I'd accepted, so I wasn't sure what had her nervous.

"Is that all?" I asked, tilting my head with some confusion. "Why would I mind doing that?"

"I will see you at lunch then," she said, effectively ending the conversation as she turned away and walked down the corridor, her black locks of hair waving from side to side as she walked away.

I frowned, somewhat confused. Her behavior was strange, even for her. But hey, what did I know about her, really?

I walked into the classroom and sat down in the top row, furthest back in the classroom, next to Shiyou. He gave me a nod of acknowledgement, but otherwise said nothing. I was used to this. If the boy said anything more than ten words on any given day in public, away from his sister, then that would be reason enough to get him checked out by a medical professional. Shiyou didn't talk – hell, Shina spoke more than he ever did, and that was saying something.

My eyes flickered over to the door where I saw Rouri and his group of flunkies come inside. He looked up and made eye contact with me immediately, his mouth forming a scowl until he noticed who I was sitting next to. He gave me one last glance before shuffling away to his spot. I crossed my arms over my chest as I looked at Shiyou, who never indicated that anything was amiss outwardly. I'd always wondered what it was about the Aburame that seemed to freak out Rouri, but whatever it was, I couldn't say I really cared all that much. As long as it forced the guy to leave me the hell alone, I couldn't say that it was all that big a deal.

When Maria-sensei finally stood up and asked for silence, I stopped thinking about my bullies and strange friend and focused solely on her. Speaking of my teacher, we were on far better terms now, especially after she'd helped keep my part-time job a secret. We weren't exactly bosom buddies, but so long as I did well in school in didn't make much trouble, she ignored my dastardly deeds with forcing doom upon my bullies. You'd think the boys would've learnt to stop messing with me after the sixtieth time.

The hours passed by slowly, but the second lunch time hit, I'd grabbed my scroll and my bag – the last time I'd decided to leave it behind, my bullies had desecrated it – and started heading for the door. Shiyou followed along after me without a word, and the two of us headed up towards the roof, where we found Shina already waiting for us. She'd sat down on one edge of the roof, her bentou in her hands as she waited for us to sit down and get situated. I sat on the concrete ground – I didn't really like sitting on chairs, benches, couches, what have you. It was just far more comfortable to sit on solid ground instead of something I could possibly fall out or off of.

I opened my scroll with flourish, almost smiling when the pieces of fried chicken were waiting for me. I preferred Anko sealing my meals instead of my bringing a bentou because when they were sealed, they stayed warm. I couldn't understand why more people wouldn't do that. Of course, sealing them for more time than necessary wasn't good for the food and it would spoil as quickly as it would unsealed, but it was nice to have warm food awaiting me instead of cold rice. If that meant I had to warm it up every morning before Anko sealed it, then that was a price I was more than willing to pay.

I clapped my hands together before digging into the delicious meal. The three of us ate in absolute silence, like we'd always done. I suppose eating in companionship was far better than eating by oneself, though I guess it was odd for us to never attempt conversation when with one another. I don't know, that's how it's always been since we first started this lunch group, and I was long since used to the fact. So, it was an absolute surprise when Shina broke the silence herself.

"Hotaru-chan," Shina began, an insect darting about haphazardly before she took in a deep breath. "My brother and I have been talking."

I grinned to myself. Now, _that_ was an interesting thing to note.

Chewing my chicken fully, I spun my chopstick around between my fingers absentmindedly. "I take it that's why you're so nervous today, yes?"

"Yes," she confessed without hesitation. "We were curious over whether you might join us for dinner at our compound."

I nearly choked up my next piece of chicken before staring at them with bewilderment. That... That was a very strange request. It wasn't strange that they were asking me to eat with them, it was odd that they would invite me to the Aburame compound at all. The Aburame clan was well-known for their privacy, and it was strange that they would ask an outsider, willingly, to come over at all. Now I understood, partially, why she was so nervous. That must have taken some thought and courage.

I had to ask. "How long have you been considering this offer?"

Shiyou was the one to answer this time: "For the past three months."

What, _three_ months? I got the hesitation and everything, but wasn't that pushing things just a bit? Geez, three months? What the hell was I doing that long ago? It was Anko's birthday almost two months ago, so before then... Hell, I don't even know.

I sighed and just said the hell with it. "Yeah, sure. Why not? Sounds fun."

Shina let out a sigh of her own, her shoulders slumping as she finally relaxed. I decided to poke some fun at her.

"What, you thought I was going to say no?"

"We considered the possibility."

Hell no, I wasn't going to decline. How many people can say they've seen inside the Aburame compound?

"When am I invited?" I asked eventually.

Shiyou set his chopsticks down, rejoining the conversation. "In a few weeks. Our mother's birthday is this week, and our father's is next week, so we will unfortunately be rather busy until then. We apologize, but the two of us simply wanted to confirm the probability of your coming before making permanent plans."

Oh, good. That was plenty of time for me to get over squealing in excitement over what I would be allowed to experience in a due time. And damn, I wouldn't even be able to tell my sister about the event. I'd have to settle for second-best: Kurenai. If she was even in the village, that was.

I gave them a small smile of appreciation. "Thanks for inviting me."

The twin sister looked at me for a short while before softly saying, "You should smile more often."

Her words made my smile drop away immediately. I hadn't heard those words for a while. It figured the phrase would haunt me in my new life as well.

I wasn't sure how to rely to her, so I chose not to. I stood up to shake off the strange feeling when something down on the main road caught my attention. I frowned more deeply than usual as I stared down at the people walking down the street. My eyes narrowed subconsciously as I tried to place their clothing.

"What's this?" questioned Shina with some wariness, having joined me at my side without my noticing. "Foreigners?"

"I do not recognize that uniform," Shiyou added, pushing his sunglasses further up his nose. "Perhaps there is an event taking place that we were not informed of?"

I frowned. Maybe this was what had had Anko feeling so off. I was still certain that I wouldn't have any problems whatsoever. I was guaranteed fifteen years of peace, after all.

* * *

Shina is so cute in my mind. So cute. Seriously, simply adorable.


	13. Chapter 13

Man, I was hoping the random time skip would confuse you guys, but all of you guessed Cloud. Well, it's not like there are any other occasions that take place in the winter at this time anyway. Whatever. You guys DID notice the time skip, right?

* * *

I stared at her. She stared back at me. Her blue eyes bored into mine as I peered deeply within hers. We each moved closer together, until we almost touched noses. She was determined, and I would match her step for step.

"Boo," I murmured finally, and that's what broke the camel's back.

Little three-year-old Ino reared back with a squeal of joy and elation. Then she came back, her tiny hands on my knees as she pushed her weight onto them, her face alight with a happy expression.

"Again! Do again!"

I chuckled. "Boo."

She fell back again, her body racking with giggles. She looked so content as she came back again and again, demanding I say the same thing over and over. The twelfth time she came back again, I wrapped my arms around her midsection and pulled her against me tightly, my fingers lightly running over her body as she let out a screech of surprise before kicking and screaming as I continued tickling her. I let her catch her breath for a bit before effortlessly torturing her yet again, much to her chagrin and my endless amusement.

Her face was red when I let up again, and her small chest rose and fell quickly as she struggled to take in air. I smiled softly as I ran a hand through her short platinum-blonde hair and she closed her eyes and just laid on my lap. I patted a hand against her tummy gently in an almost rhythmic fashion. Turning my attention away from the weight on my lap, I saw Ino's mother, Haruka, setting the table for dinner. Today was one of the many instances that I would be having dinner together with the Yamanakas. I didn't particularly mind being at their house for however long I needed to be. Inoichi was usually gone at work until the early evening anyway.

Over the past few weeks, I'd been over for dinner at their place no less than four times each week. At first, I'd attempted to fight it. I could cook, even if I didn't particularly take pleasure in the chore, and I was a bit of a stickler against eating other people's food if I wasn't paying for it. Family was one thing – other people were quite another. The first night, Inoichi had taken off from work earlier and come to pick me up at the training grounds where I attempted to "train". I'd flatly told him to leave me alone because I wasn't interested in chilling with him and his family again if I didn't have to. Rude, yes. I'd be hoping that he might just think me as no longer being worth the effort. The man chose to pick me up by my vest collar and essentially drag me to his place.

I'd sulked. Oh, how I'd sulked. Kidnap me against my will, will you? Don't underestimate my immaturity.

When Haruka had tried to feed me, I'd only turned my gaze away, not bothering to even look at the meal she'd so laboriously created. I was just incredibly irritated. I had food at home. Anko had made certain the fridge would be stocked before she left. What was the point of eating someone else's food when they could save that for themselves and have something else to eat the next day? Inoichi hadn't been pleased with my behavior, though I couldn't say that I blamed him in the least. He'd asked me why I wouldn't eat anything.

"I didn't pay for this meal," I'd explained, my gaze turned away from the table and focused on a wall. "This is your food. Why waste it on someone else? Besides, I have stuff at home already."

"Hotaru-chan," Haruka had tried to say, though I'd still refused to look at her. "I was more than happy to make enough food for all of us. It wasn't a problem at all, and we don't need your money."

"The last time I checked, we weren't family friends. Checking in on me does not require feeding, clothing, or housing me, and I do not want you to bother doing so," I'd continued biting out.

Feeling the tension surrounding the table, baby Ino had started crying, unable to adjust to the terse atmosphere. I turned to look at her, and she really did look upset. That made me feel a little bad and awkward, but I didn't want to owe anything to anyone under any circumstances. My attention then turned to Inoichi when I heard him clear his throat.

"Fine," he'd said, looking less than pleased. "But you will stay in that seat until I take you home. Don't eat if you don't want to."

I nodded, feeling myself relax just a smidgen. I saw Haruka glare at Inoichi, but he resumed eating his meal, more or less acting as if I was no longer there. Haruka gave me a quick glance, but after setting Ino back into her seat, she, too, focused on her meal. No one spoke again that evening, and when Inoichi had finally taken me home, I'd looked at the refrigerator before turning away. I felt guilty, but I refused to let go of my pride. If I was to eat someone's food, then I'd have to pay for it in some way. That's the way things were in my mind. But, then again, if I felt too good to eat someone else's food, then that somewhat meant that I didn't deserve to eat anything at all in the first place. So, I didn't. I went to bed hungry that night.

The second time I'd gone to their place, Haruka had set a plate of food in front of me, but neither of them tried to force me to eat it. While I'd appreciated the gesture on their part, I couldn't allow myself to accept it. I noticed Haruka send me a few glances while Inoichi continued pretending that I wasn't in the room. Ino cried again that evening, and once I'd gone home, I'd once again gone to bed hungry.

The third time had been somewhat different. While Haruka had placed the customary plate of food in front of me, she and Inoichi attempted to a forge a conversation with one another to ease the tension. Ino didn't cry that evening, and I'd felt somewhat more relaxed because it actually felt like they'd taken to pretending I didn't exist. And, if they were already at the point where they thought I didn't mean much of anything, then they might stop inviting me over in the first place. That would make things easier for both parties, most assuredly. This night, much like the others, had me go to bed without eating.

The problem with my new pattern of eating arose the fourth time they'd forcibly invited me over. I didn't even know why we were bothering to keep up the pretense at this point. It was a pain for both sides after all. The problem I hadn't foreseen, though, was that I was _very_ active as of late. I hadn't realized Anko's penchant for feeding me a large amount of protein to keep me going every day, and I'd underestimated the amount of food I needed each day to keep going. My breakfast and lunches never proved to be filling enough, and going without dinner hadn't done me any favors.

When Haruka once _again_ set down a plate of food in front of me, I'd stared at it, really wishing I could just dig in without prohibition. I don't know if my eagerness showed in my expression, but I caught Haruka and Inoichi looking at me carefully, as if thinking that I would finally break down. The second I'd noticed this, I'd clenched my hands into fists and turned away from the food. I don't know how they reacted to that. I heard the two sigh softly and return to their meal. I probably would have escaped notice once again had my stomach not let out an enormous, kind of bubbly growl that had me freeze. At this, Haruka's patience finally snapped.

"Eat," she'd demanded, her eyes narrowed.

"Not hungry," I'd muttered stubbornly. Ah, my pride would be the end of me.

"What was that sound then?" she said, pushing the issue further. "I don't remember buying a bear for a pet."

"Haruka," Inoichi had tried to placate her, but she'd only turned her anger on him instead.

"This has gone on long enough! I tried it your way, but it's obviously not working!"

Inoichi sighed. "It would have eventually... She wouldn't have held out forever."

"She isn't some test subject at T&I, Inoichi!"

"Don't you think I know that?" he argued back.

As the two argued back and forth, I winced when Ino began crying again, and I couldn't help but feel bad for her. This past week had not be altogether fun for her whatsoever. I held a hand to my stomach as I breathed out slowly. I was getting dizzy – I had been the entire day, but I was too stubborn to allow myself to fall. I'd pledged to eat something in the fridge that night to make up for this craziness.

As Haruka tried to calm down the crying baby, Inoichi looked incredibly frustrated. I was hesitant to ask him what I'd wanted to, but I ended up breaking down and asking him if I could use the restroom. He frowned at me, but still kindly led me to where it was, and heading back to the dining room to give me a sense of privacy. I opened the door to the toilet and used the facilities before sneaking into the actual bathroom area and looking into the mirror. Crap, I'd looked like shit.

I heard the two adults continue to argue back and forth and frowned. If they had just let me go home, this evening, and all the others, would have gone off without a hitch. I just didn't want to owe anyone anything, no matter what it cost me.

I looked back into the mirror – I'd had to use a stool to even reach it. Another wave of dizziness struck me and grasped hold of the edge of the sink with as much strength as I could. My stomach groaned again and the next time I'd looked into the mirror, I saw the image sway somewhat.

 _Uh oh_ , I'd managed to think before I realized that one minute, I'd been standing up straight, and the next, I'd been lying down on the floor, my eyes wide with bewilderment. A laundry basket had flipped over and landed on me, and I felt some pain from where the edges had hit my chest and face. I didn't hear or sense anything, but somehow, in the next second, Inoichi had appeared by my side, his eyes narrowed as he took in my situation.

"I'm okay," I'd immediately said, trying to wave away his concern.

To prove I was right, I stood up immediately and brushed myself off. "I'm sorry for the mess. I'll clean it up."

Inoichi took one look at me before walking away and leaving me to stare after him. At first, I'd thought he'd been willing to ignore what had happened until I heard him say Haruka's name. I'd felt a tendril of fear when I saw the woman come down the hallway slowly, her sapphire-blue eyes darkened to an almost navy-blue as she walked nearer to me. She took one look at the overturned stool and upside basket before looking back at me.

"When did you last eat?" she asked without preamble.

I'd hesitated slightly, unsure of how to deal with this new side of her, but she obviously hadn't been in the mood to be patient with me anymore. Her lips firmed.

" _When_?"

"This afternoon," I'd replied, being completely honest. I did feel myself shift a step back, suddenly fearing for my life. The woman had definitely been a capable kunoichi before having Ino.

"And before that?" she continued to question.

"Breakfast."

Her eyebrow twitched somewhat. " _What_ did you eat for breakfast and lunch?"

I backed away again, and she, in turn, took a step forward. "Cereal and some sandwiches..."

Haruka's eyes closed at that and she let out a short breath. "Yesterday, when you left our house, what did you eat at home?"

I sensed that something very, very bad would happen if I told her the truth, but if I told a lie, that would only catch up with me given enough time. I hadn't been sure how to say the word "nothing" in an appealing manner, however, and the woman immediately picked up on my hesitance. Her hand rose up to massage her brow.

"Please tell me you ate something like you said you would."

"Well, I never actually said –"

"So you ate nothing," she stated flatly, obviously not pleased. "You chose to eat nothing at all. There was food prepared for you, and you ate nothing. What did you eat the other nights?"

My silence seemed to piss her off further. "Why didn't you eat?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I was just –"

"That's it," she snapped. "I'm done."

She turned around, her beautiful brunette hair flowing behind her as she stalked away, her anger obvious. My shoulders slumped as I wondered if I shouldn't just leave to go home. For lack of anything better to do, and an unwillingness to go out there and deal with the woman's anger further, I righted the clothing basket again and repositioned the stool. I heard a large clack coming from the main room before,

" _Hotaru_! Get in here, now!"

The obvious fury in her voice had me shrinking back further into the bathroom, and I was almost ready to hide behind the washing machine. There was a moment of silence, with my heart beating harder than I could take before she slowly appeared at the end of the hallway again.

"Get. In. Here," she bit out, and a flash of fear struck me.

I didn't move. There was no way in hell I was going to head to my doom. Haruka stared at me coldly.

"Trust me, if I have to go down that hallway and get you myself, I guarantee you are not going to like it."

Anko had never made me feel this perturbed. I hadn't felt anything like this since I'd... Crap. This was the power of a mother. And it damn well freaked me the hell out.

When I tuned back into the real world, I noticed her walking towards me, and abruptly freaked out. I tried ducking further into the bathroom, but she grabbed my wrist, and with her grip of steel, dragged me back into the dining room. When we got there, the adults took one look at one another before Inoichi had taken Ino out of the room and upstairs, probably to put her to bed.

"Sit," she demanded, letting go of my wrist. "Do it or I swear..."

I sat down in the damnable chair. She sat back into her own chair. "Eat."

"I can't," I eventually mumbled. "It's not mine. I didn't pay for it."

Haruka continued staring at me before shutting her mouth with a clack and sitting back in her chair. "Fine. Then, I guess we'll both just sit here until you either do so, or I lose my patience."

I think we sat there for another ten minutes before I finally asked, "What's the big deal anyway? So what if I don't eat? That's not your problem."

"Yes, it is," she sighed softly, having not budged from her position whatsoever.

"That doesn't make any –"

"You are a _child_ , and I have come to care for you dearly," Haruka interrupted, her eyes looking steadily at me. "Does the how or why really matter? I care for you. My husband cares for you. Your sister loves you terribly, and this is how your repay her? By not eating and letting your health deteriorate while she's gone? Do you want her to come back and see that you were in the hospital for malnutrition, of all things?"

That caused a bit of guilt to plague me. "Well, no, but..."

"You don't even have to eat everything," she pleaded, "but please, eat _something_. It's there! Eat it! Why are you worried about money when you're still so young? Let the adults in your life help you – don't turn away help when you can use it."

"I'm not a beggar," I muttered. "If I'm not going to pay..."

Haruka looked at me before closing her eyes slowly. "You made me cry, you know."

My head swirled around, my eyes seeking hers for the truth of that statement. "I what? I didn't do anything, though."

"I had to ask Inoichi what I'd done so wrong that you wouldn't even look at the dish I'd made. Was it anger at him for something? Was it defiance? Were you just rebelling? Was it even remotely related to me at all? Maybe you'd just had a bad day at school and needed something to throw your anger at. I could understand that."

I sat guiltily through her monologue until she paused and took in a deep breath. "Just, please, eat _something_. Anything. If you can look at me in the eyes and tell me you didn't like what you ate, or that it wasn't up to par, then I promise I won't force you anymore. I will leave you alone, and so will Inoichi. We won't bother you anymore. But first, just eat something."

I looked at the meal in front of me. My pride was burdening my body, making it so heavy that it felt incredibly difficult to lift my hand to reach for the chopsticks. But, my guilt was stronger than the pride I'd developed, though I probably would've held out had she, one: not told me she'd cried from my actions, and two: not pleaded with me and seemed sincere with how much she cared for my well being.

I'd lifted up the bit of mashed potatoes I'd caught with my chopsticks to my mouth, and with some hesitation, forced it inside. The creaminess and wondrous taste of the seasonings and herbs hit me immediately, and my stomach growled again. I struggled against myself to take another bite, and by the time I finished off the potatoes, I was already reaching for the vegetables.

A thought struck me hard as I ate: I shouldn't have been mooching off other people and eating their food. I was better than this. One look at Haruka's blank face, though, vanquished that thought with some difficulty.

I finished off the entirety of the plate after some time, and Haruka searched my face thoroughly.

"How was it?" she asked softly.

I turned my gaze away. "It was good..."

"Would you like some more?"

My short nails bit into my skin as I bit my bottom lip. "Yes, please," I murmured.

There was some silence, and I looked back at Haruka to see what was wrong, but she smiled a gorgeous smile at me before standing up. As she took the plate from in front of me, she pressed her lips gently against my forehead, whispering,

"Thank you, sweetie. Just give me a second."

When she came back with another helping, she set it down lightly in front of me and retook her seat. Before I could attempt to eat more, she touched the back of my right hand softly.

"Hotaru-chan," she said in a voice barely louder than a whisper. "Please, don't ever worry us like that ever again. I don't want you to repeat this incident again, do you understand?"

I'd nodded silently, and she only smiled at me again.

I hadn't understood why they'd come to care for me so much like they had, and even now, as I looked down at Ino's resting face, I still didn't get it. Since that day, though, I hadn't so much as made a fuss about coming anymore. On the contrary, I looked forward to seeing Haruka and Ino each day – it was nice to be with people who cared for you as a person, even if I didn't understand the reasoning behind it.

"Do you want help?" I asked Haruka, still patting Ino on her stomach.

"You're doing me a big favor already by keeping the little one entertained," Haruka responded, flashing me a quick smile as she set the table.

I smiled myself. "She's worth the trouble."

Haruka stood up at that. "It brings me great joy to hear you say that."

I looked over at her before blurting out, "You're a really great person, Haruka-san. I'm glad I had the chance to meet you."

I wasn't allowed to call her "Yamanaka-san" anymore, because I was now officially a family friend.

Haruka gifted me with a slight flush of red across her cheeks. "I'm happy to hear that, though I wonder where it came from, all of a sudden."

"I don't want to regret not saying how I truly feel about people I've come to care for, myself," I said, determinedly not meeting her eyes and focusing on the tiny human in my lap. "I won't always have the chance to do so, after all."

Silence followed my confession, and I suddenly felt somewhat embarrassed for being so forthright. Maybe she hadn't wanted to hear something like that. I refocused on the present again when Ino was taken out of my lap. Haruka looked down at her child with motherly pride.

"She fell asleep," the older woman said. "You're pretty good at this."

Eh, I had my instances.

Haruka disappeared out of the living room, her footsteps echoing as she went upstairs to put Ino in her bed for a while until the child woke up hungry again. In the meantime, I looked to the door as it opened and Inoichi came home. He took a glance at me and smiled. I rolled my eyes and grinned back.

"Welcome home," I offered.

He nodded, accepting the greeting. "You're here early."

"I wanted to play with Ino a bit before dinner."

"You're welcome here anytime," Inoichi told me with absolute confidence.

I smiled to show my gratitude.

Haruka came down not too long after and kissed her husband as a loving greeting. I hugged my knees against my chest, happy to see the family doing so well and that the couple was still very much full of love. Haruka called my name, saying that dinner was ready. I rose up and navigated towards the dining room table. Before I was able to sit down, Haruka came near me, her soft fingers brushing against my cheek lightly before she lifted my bangs and kissed me tenderly on my forehead.

"I'm so glad I met you, too, sweetie," she whispered before leaving my side.

I stood there stock still as Inoichi looked from his wife bustling in the kitchen to my frozen form.

"What's this?" he said with mocked anger. "Are you stealing my wife from me? She blesses you with a kiss more tender than the one she gave me?"

I couldn't help the flush of embarrassment that crept across my face, and in this lifetime, my skin color wouldn't be able to hide it.

"No! You know it's not like that!"

"Haruka is mine! I will not allow you to take her so easily!"

"Ugh, shut up already!" I muttered, turning away.

Inoichi only chuckled at my obvious embarrassment and Haruka gave us both a loving smile as she brought out the food. As Haruka finally sat down to rest after a hard day of watching her toddler, training, and whatever else she'd had to do, she engaged in some small talk with her husband as he tried to unwind from a long day of work. I watched the two talk, a small smile on my face.

I don't know when I started thinking of Inoichi as less of an enemy and more of a friend. And, for all I know, with his occupation, he may have very well planned for this to all happen. Regardless, I didn't feel as bad as before, and I really liked Haruka. I guess that it was just nice to have people, outside of my real family, genuinely care about me. It made me like this world just a bit more.

* * *

I gazed all around me at the festivities taking place. I couldn't take my eyes off of all of the banners and the streets were aligned with all sorts of people that had come out of the woodworks. There were several street vendors out and about as well, each one trying to take advantage of the crowd and occasion. I would've tried heading to one to see if I could get a bite to eat, but like the party pooper he was, Inoichi held me back.

"Whoa there, Hotaru-chan," he grumbled. "There's plenty of time to eat later."

"Hmph, what later?" I shot back. "You agreed that I could train without any time constraints this week, remember?"

"I did, but how about we hold off on that until later?"

Haruka caught up with us and pulled her husband's hand off of the collar of my vest. I smiled my appreciation, and she returned the gesture before glaring at Inoichi. The man held up his hands to try and calm her down, but she wasn't having it.

"Would you get a look at you?" my savior asked him with a tinge of annoyance. "She's graduating from the academy in _three_ months, and you're worried about her getting lost in a crowd in her village?"

Inoichi chuckled a bit, but she just glared at him further. He patted her on the shoulder. "I get what you're saying, but something about this entire thing feels wrong."

"That's because it _is_ wrong," said a new voice.

My eyes slid over to see the Nara clan leader coming over, his hands in his pockets as his wife, Yoshino, came up from behind him while holding a toddler Shikamaru. I sighed when I realized the toddler was sleeping, but I couldn't deny him the opportunity because, well, he was three. The last time I'd met him half a year ago, he'd been sleeping then, too, as well as the time before that. I turned around to give Inoichi a look when I noticed the third party of the little triad show up, a large smile on his face as he walked forward with his wife. She was a nice, rotund woman who'd given me a wonderful dish to share with my sister. In my books, the Akimichi family was all right. The Nara family, however...

Shikaku didn't even glance at me as he regarded his longtime friend, Inoichi. He rolled one shoulder back and cracked his neck.

"I don't trust any of this," the genius tactician muttered. "Something's off about this whole ordeal. I just can't put my finger on what."

"You think Kumo's trying for war discreetly?" asked Chouza in an abnormally low voice. "I know we're not necessarily in the best position to launch ourselves into yet another war, especially since we're still in the red after the Kyuubi event."

Shikaku shrugged and glanced at his wife, who met his gaze head-on. "I couldn't say for sure. As far as our forces are concerned, we could probably handle another war, but it would be tight. Financially, we're not doing as well as we could be, I don't think. Plus, the daimyo's really wary about providing more funds until we prove ourselves to be in a better situation. If he withdraws his support, we're finished."

Inoichi shook his head. "The man won't do that, no matter what the case. His pockets may be deep, but if we get tossed into another pointless war, I guarantee you that the first place he'll attempt for refuge should things go sour is Konoha. The capital may have its own force, but they're just a blot on the map as far as Kumo's concerned."

The Nara sighed. "Well, I can at least safely assume Iwa won't be taking part. We destroyed them in the third war."

"The Yondaime won't be around to save our skins this time, though," murmured Inoichi.

"We'll deal," Shikaku said. "We always have."

I watched this exchange with narrowed eyes. Shikaku assumed there would be something going down thanks to this event. He obviously didn't trust the Kumo representative as far as he could throw him. As far as I recall, though, there wasn't another world war up until after Naruto became a genin, which was nine years from now. I still had Anko's words of warning on my mind, but I tried not to pay them much attention at all. It wasn't that I wasn't concerned about them, but there was hardly anything to be done in regards to them.

Shikaku finally glanced down at me with an unreadable expression before looking back up at his blond friend. "I see you brought the brat."

"The _brat_ can hear you," I muttered, turning away.

"She's even more annoying than before, now."

Fuck you.

Inoichi laughed and ruffled my hair, much to my own irritation. "We didn't want her to come here alone. This may be an occasion for celebration, but she's still young."

"Yeah, well, she'll be a genin soon enough. You'd better detract those tentacles of yours and let her grow up," Shikaku advised with a bored tone.

Haruka stepped up, a satisfied grin on her face. "You know, that's what _I_ told him, but he refused to see reason. Honestly, the girl may be going out into the world soon. You can't keep her under your wings forever."

"Someone has to!" Inoichi whined, drawing me into his arms as he whimpered. "Anko's gone! I don't want her to be lonely!"

I could just feel the irritation build up as I tried to fight and get out of his grasp. He held me even tighter and I yelled out my annoyance. Then, a second later, I felt him freeze before letting me go. I bounced forward a couple of steps before glaring back at him. Then, I laughed.

Haruka had Inoichi's left ear between her two fingers as she pulled him away from me, Ino balanced on her other hip as she did. "Leave. Her. Be."

"Yes, dear," he muttered.

Shikaku gave the blond a slow smile. "She's got you whipped."

Chouza laughed at this. "Look who's talking, my friend. Yoshino has you wrapped around her pinky."

"Hmph, I don't take orders from any woman," he denied, before his eyes widened as a sudden killing intent flared up behind him.

He turned to see Yoshino glaring at him, a smirk on her face. "Oh, is that right, _dear_? I suppose it's a good thing I'm not just any woman, isn't it?"

Shikaku turned away quickly, muttering, "Troublesome woman..."

I smirked at him before turning away myself. I really wanted to head to a lot of the food stands. Man, if my sister were here, I could've dragged her away at my own behest, but now... I glanced up slowly to look at the six adults, standing around talking. I'd either have to try and slip away, or get one of them to come with me. I caught Shikaku's eye, who had obviously been waiting for me to make a run for it. I met his gaze defiantly, though he turned away without caring whatsoever.

I made a soft sound of aggravation. I walked up to Haruka, tugging down on her shirt a few times before she turned her attention to me.

"What is it, Hotaru-chan?" she asked kindly.

"I want to go check out some food stands. I'm going to head out."

"Do you have enough money on you?"

"Anko gave me plenty enough," I replied respectfully. "I probably won't be back though. I'm going to start training right after I get some food in me."

Haruka bent down until she was eye level with me, and Ino held out her chubby, tiny hands to try and touch my face. I humored her, leaning forward to nuzzle her nose before backing away. Haruka smiled at the interaction before turning serious, a rare expression for her.

"All right, but play it safe. Don't stay out ridiculously late, and if you feel like something's amiss, and I mean, if _anything_ feels off to you, you come straight to our house. Do you understand?"

I frowned. "I'll be fine. You people are just paranoid."

"We're ninja, dear," she corrected. "We'd be dead if we weren't a little suspicious of everything."

I let out a sigh but nodded. "Okay, okay. I'll go right to your place if I happen to get chased down by an army of enemy soldiers."

Concern knitted together her eyebrows. "I can only hope it doesn't come down to that."

"Kay, I'm off!" I exclaimed, waving as I ran away through the crowd.

I ducked in between one throng of people after another, my eyes set on all of the food stands I'd seen previously. I slid in front of one, my eyes wide as I saw the shish kebabs at the stand. The vendor smiled down at me.

"Hello there, little missy. Would you be liking something to eat?"

"Two of the shish kebabs, please!" I said, pointing my finger at them.

The vendor chuckled, but after taking my money, gave me the two I'd requested. I turned away and began gnawing on them. Like this, I went through about five to six other stands, spending my money happily for the wonderful taste of amazing food I would normally never get to eat. Maybe it was a good thing my sister was out of town, because she would've stopped me at the second or third one. Have to live a little, you know?

When the evening came, I was already at the training grounds, limbering my body for my training. If I could help it, I never missed a single training day. For one, if I missed something, my muscles would just hurt incredibly and I would be out of the count. For two, if I missed a day, Anko always made me see reason in some manner, like launching three of her stupid snakes after me the next morning instead of the single one. Or, she'd make my clothes even heavier than usual, where even walking around was a ridiculous chore. The fact that I could turn off the seals didn't actually matter. It was the thought that counted.

I clapped my hands together once I was finished. Today was the only day I'd have absolutely _no one_ paying attention to whatever the hell I was going to do. So, that obviously meant it was "work-on-prohibited-jutsu" day. I had a few that I wasn't allowed to touch, whatsoever. One, was the genjutsu that Kurenai had taught me. I was way better at my chakra control now, but it still took a lot out of me. Second, was the lightning jutsu that Kakashi had taught me out of vengeance: the Chidori. He, like Kurenai when she'd taught me the genjutsu, never thought I'd ever be able to pull it off without killing myself. Yeah, well, it's been months bitches, and I'm going to pull it off. The third jutsu was a lightning jutsu I'd made myself. But, considering that when I'd used it on my sparring partner for one of my examinations and she'd been put into the hospital for it, that had been labeled too dangerous for me to wield as well. I called it the Hiraishin – there was no connection to the legendary Yondaime's Hiraishin. Plus, the kanji was entirely different.

Well, it was about time to get started. I fell into a stance. My hands flipped through the seals before I landed on Rabbit.

"Fukashi no Kaze!"

* * *

I dreamt about my sister that night. I dreamt that she and I were having a drink together, me with my black tea and her with a cup of coffee. She and I talked happily, almost as if she'd never left on a mission at all.

"How is your training going?" she asked me, lifting her cup to take a sip.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Eh. It's what it is."

Her expression closed off a bit. "You'd better not be working on those jutsu."

I stuck out my tongue. "Hah. Even if I were, you couldn't stop me. You're a thousand kilometers away."

"I'll remember that, brat," she murmured, and I could almost feel her killing intent. "When I get back, you and I are going to have another talk."

" _Again_?" I asked, my heart sinking. "This isn't fair. How will I master those techniques without ever working on them?"

She frowned. "You work on them when someone is around to..."

Anko paused for a moment. Her eyes darted left and right before she stood up. I stood up as well, wary of what might have been going on. Anko suddenly turned her gaze on me, and it was fiercer than anything I'd seen from her in over a year.

"You need to get up, Hotaru," she ordered, a bead of sweat rolling down her face. "Now."

"Get up?" I questioned. "But I'm already standing up, so –"

She cut me off, her hands on my shoulders. "No. You have to get up! You need to wake up!"

"What are you –"

"Wake up!" she shouted, shaking me back and forth. "You need to wake up!"

I was confused. Wasn't this a dream? What was she talking about. I saw her pull back her hand. She brought it forward, her open palm slapping against my cheek with surprising force and bringing about incredible pain.

" _Wake up now_!"

My eyes snapped open, though I was disoriented and still feeling the numbing pain of her crazy slap. As my vision refocused, I saw someone standing over me in the darkness. At first, I thought it was my sister, come back early from a mission.

"Anko?" I murmured curiously.

The person neared closer to me, the man's yellow teeth bared as his eyes glittered dangerously.

"Boo."

* * *

Yeah, there was no way I was going to attempt to stop the guy who kidnapped Hinata. How could I have possibly remembered that? It was such a small thing... . Yeah. By the way, the food thing is an actual thing that happened for me. Man, I have this THING about pissing people off like that. Not one of my better moments.


	14. Chapter 14

Yeah. Well. That's the end of that.

* * *

I flew into the realm of full consciousness as the man clapped his hand his hand over my mouth, his other hand grasping hold of a kunai that fell dangerously close to my neck. I froze, my breath coming out more rapidly as I stared up at my attacker. He sneered at me before his left hand formed a hand seal.

"Doro Bunshin no Jutsu."

From the earth formed clods of mud that developed into two more men that looked exactly like him. While it was interesting to see an actual clone jutsu in the flesh, I couldn't say I was pleased to be in the situation I currently was. The original, after slapping a paper over my mouth, moved away as his clones flipped me over and tied me up in ninja wire. I grunted in pain as it cut into my skin, my eyes squeezing shut to block it out. One clone pulled me up off the ground, and I bit my bottom lip as the wire pressed against me even more. I heard two puffs as the original flipped me over his shoulder and turned to greet another person as they came to his side.

"What's the situation?" my captor demanded to know.

"That idiot Saitou failed, but Souen managed to sneak out in the chaos when the Hyuugas killed Saitou off. He's on route to the rendezvous point as we speak."

"Excellent. What about the Uchiha?"

"Ichida's on the run right now. I don't think she'll get away unharmed."

My captor let out a snarl. "I don't fucking care if she's raped and mutilated, so long as she completes her fucking mission."

"I'm highly doubtful, sir."

"Anything else? After those idiots' botches, I'll bet Konoha will be on high alert soon. It'll be hard to get out of here with any other goods whatsoever."

"Two of our people found the orphanage, but those kids won't be much use. We didn't find much good there."

"Damn. Well, at least we got a Hyuuga, and we've got the Mitarashi brat. We may be able to get something from Orochimaru for this."

I let out a grunt to show my irritation, and abruptly felt a slice of pain on my leg. My teeth clenched together as I let out a muffled yell. I rose my gazed when I felt a breeze, and saw the cold eyes of the second person staring right at me. Her eyes were as cold as frozen tundra as they stared at me, and she held out her kunai out right next to my left eye. My pulse leapt up in speed as the sharp neared closer and closer. I tried to pull back but my captor held me tightly, not allowing me to move.

"Stay still, you brat," the woman said as my eyes widened even further. "You don't have a doujutsu, but you are connected to someone great. I'd rather not damage our prize if possible, but don't think I won't."

Much to my anger and humiliation, I could feel my eyes begin to tear up, and I turned my gaze away from her, my teeth still grit together. She pulled away the kunai and left my sight. I heard her walk around.

"Sir, allow me to make a path for you."

"No need," the man said. "Konoha thinks its walls are infallible. We will head in that direction, jump the wall and head back to Kumo. I want you to make sure the others follow my lead."

"Yes sir."

I felt a burst of wind before everything calmed. Suddenly, we set into motion, his arm circled around my body as he blazed forward. I wondered, at first, why he didn't take to the trees, but decided not to worry about it. My eyes opened to see clods of mud forming up from the earth behind him. I wasn't sure what they were for, but I found I didn't care when I heard the siren echo throughout the village. My captor spat out in annoyance, but only kicked his speed up a notch.

I jerked back against his shoulder and cried out as the wire slid against my skin the moment the man made an enormous jump from the ground up onto the wall. I heard the cries of some people as they spotted my captor, but all he did was grab me by the wire ensnaring me and with a great bout of strength, launching me upwards to slam into a hard object. The resounding "oof" made me open my eyes in shock. Then, I saw the Konoha ninja who had caught me get cut down like nothing.

"Raiton:," the man yelled out, "Lariat!"

I fell against the concrete, my chin slamming down hard as I bit back another cry. I clenched my fists and struggled against my bindings, but it only made the situation even more painful for me. I glanced up as the next Konoha shinobi fell, and the man clucked his tongue when he saw his actions had caught the attention of several others. Almost as if he were in no danger whatsoever, he picked me up, throwing me right back on his shoulder. I felt him shift before he muttered,

"Doro Bunshin no Jutsu."

Then, out of nowhere, I could see nearly ten other clones of him appear on the wall from where they'd jumped from the ground. Two of them created a genjutsu to make it seem as if they, too, were holding bundles. I felt my stomach churn as the man suddenly jumped forward, and I felt like I was in a freefall without boundaries as the wall seemed to grow in front of me. Then, without an opportunity to get used to gravity again, my captor fled off again, his two clones right next to him.

I kept my eyes closed because the constant bouncing from tree branch to tree branch was beginning to make me nauseous. I let my ears be my guide, because it wasn't too much longer before I heard the sounds of extra feet making the journey with us.

"Sir, Kudou and Takigawa were sighted and the ANBU is on our trail. We don't have much time before the catch up."

My captor grunted. "Did they at least go down with a fight?"

"They blew up part of a building, sir."

"That's better than nothing," the man continued. "What about you, Satou? Find anything of use?"

A new individual's voice joined the conversation. "Nothing of importance, sir. I was convinced that one child was of a great importance, but security around him has been very tight since we first arrived weeks ago. I could never get near him, and, as Itou already reported to you, the other kids at the orphanage are far too wet behind the ears."

The woman who I assumed was Itou let out a small sigh. "Are we so certain Konoha will not go to war about this? It all seems a bit careless."

"Yeah, well, if Saitou and Ichida had done their damn jobs right," countered Satou, "we wouldn't be having this discussion, would we?"

"I'm just worried," she snapped back. "Konoha is feared for good reason. Could we even win, despite our numbers?"

"Leave that up to the Raikage," commanded my attacker. "The man's no fool. Now, stay alert. We've got trouble incoming."

I opened my eyes to see the woman and man hang back, their hands flashing through seals as fast as lightning.

"Raiton no Heki!" they both shouted, their hands slamming down on the tree branch.

My kidnapper fell into motion once again, his subordinates disappearing from my view quickly before vanishing entirely. I let my head fall as my stomach continued to swirl and churn, a small headache growing as I tried to relax myself. I was exceedingly exhausted, and hadn't had the opportunity to rest much before the incident. For once, I really wished I'd listened to my sister's advice, and a small part of me hoped that the Yamanakas had been alerted to my absence. I was well aware that I just wasn't well-known enough for many people to take alert, and with my sister out of the picture, there weren't really any people that would know of my absence. There was Kurenai, but I wasn't sure if she was even in the village at the moment. I hadn't seen her at the festival.

I was also concerned about whatever Hyuuga had gotten taken away. I shook my head hard but groaned inwardly when the headache threatened to grow larger. Damn it – I couldn't remember this happening in the manga at all. Who got taken –

Oh. Shit. That was the Hinata thing, wasn't it? Fuck, if Kumo actually got their hands on her, then there was a lot of shit that would be going down. But, how did they manage to do it this time around when they couldn't manage it in the manga? ...In the manga, there had only ever been one person to come to Konoha from Kumo, right? What changed then? Did my prior knowledge have some kind of butterfly effect to make things harder to predict and prevent? No, damn it! I wanted my fifteen years of peace!

I gritted my teeth before letting my strength fade away. Regardless of whatever I wanted to do, I did not have the skills to get out of my current situation. Unless someone saved me, or freed me somehow, I was doomed to whatever these people wanted.

A flicker of color in the monotonous green and brown caught my eye, and I lifted my aching head to see if help was on the way, and promptly felt my spirits plummet when Itou sped into view. I saw a cut in her thigh that was bleeding heavily, and there were wounds all over her body as she raced forward. The moment she caught up, she murmured,

"Satou is holding back some members of the ANBU, but he won't last long on his own. We won't make it out of Fire Country at this rate, sir."

"Damn it all," my kidnapper cursed. "We'll get to the rendezvous point and see what we can do from there. Watch my back."

"Yes sir."

Itou fell back by a branch, her cold eyes peering into mine as I stared back. She didn't offer me any kind of smirk or smile, but merely turned her attention away to look to and fro at her surroundings. I couldn't really care about it either, though. My body was so tired, and I really just wanted to crawl into bed at home, and relax for the next day. I didn't have that option though, and as much as I felt like vomiting, I knew I couldn't. So, instead, I was stuck in between and feeling nothing short of nauseous. Throwing up would have been far easier, even if my throat might have complained.

I think I finally succumbed to unconsciousness for a while, because I woke up with a rude awakening when I was thrown to the ground. My shoulders slammed against the cold earth, and I winced, trying to curl up into a fetal position to shield against the pain some.

"Good job, Souen. Saitou was never the brightest."

The man named Souen laughed. "No, he wasn't. But, this only means I'll get the acclaim for getting the Hyuuga. Can you imagine what we could do with our own army of Hyuugas? I can't wait until the little bitch grows up so we can start farming her."

"We have to get out of here first," said the ever practical Itou. "We won't be able to hide here for long. Resting in Konoha's territory is eating at my nerves. This isn't a good idea."

"Cool it, Itou. Either of you two have a soldier pill on you? I need a boost."

"Already?" asked Itou.

"Hey," my kidnapper growled. "I didn't see you fighting a bunch of those Konoha guys with goods attached to you. They were fucking strong, and it took a lot of my chakra to keep them off me. They still haven't found one of my clones."

"Fine, sir," Itou continued, sounding irritated. "But if this comes back to bite us later, don't blame that on me."

Souen laughed again. "Uchimi will be _fine_ , woman. Geez, you worry too much."

"And you don't worry enough," she muttered in return.

I heard the sound of footsteps coming closer before a foot rammed into my side and turned me over onto my back. I blinked as I tried to adjust my vision to see the person properly. He was a fairly handsome blond with a wide smile and grey eyes. He smirked down at me before looking over at his teammates.

"Hey, she's cute. Mind if I have a little fun?"

My body went cold for a moment as my mind fell blank. No. No. Nonono.

Itou sniffed. "You're such a fucking asshole. She's a freakin' child."

"Yeah, but Orochimaru's gonna get her in the end, right? Imagine what _he'll_ do to her. At least whatever pain she gets from this will be temporary in comparison."

I tilted my head back so I could look at Uchimi, hoping against all hope that he'd stop the man. Much to my immense relief, Uchimi shook his head. "No can do. Her price will drop if you sully her like that. Besides, Orochimaru likes perfection, remember?"

Souen shrugged a bit. He turned back to me and cupped my chin tightly, shifting my head from side to side. "Aw, that's a shame. At least she's got something to fuck. I can't do anything with a stupid toddler."

The blond let me go so he could walk to my other side and kick a bundle wrapped up in a bag. I heard a soft cry before Souen kicked the bag again.

"Shut up, princess," the man demanded. "Make another sound and your ass is mine the second you're old enough."

"You'll be waiting awhile," Itou said sardonically.

All of a sudden, the three ninja fell silent, and I grew concerned about what was coming next.

"There's too many of them," Itou whispered. "I knew we should've just gotten out of here."

Uchimi grunted. "Fuck it. We never would've made it away in time. Well, at least I'll get to take down some of these Konoha assholes."

"Agreed!" happily said Souen. "I never get to do anything fun anymore, anyway. I won't go down without a good fight!"

"Fine," murmured Itou. "Then I'll..."

"No, you take those two and get out of here," ordered the leader. "Put them someplace safe for another envoy to get to them. Don't take any risks – we need our goods delivered safe and sound."

Itou made a slight strangled sound. "But, what about you two...?"

Souen laughed, as he was apt to. "Aw, darlin', you worried about us?"

"I don't give a shit about you," she bit back coldly. "But, Uchimi... I mean, sir..."

"Get out of here, Itou," Uchimi gruffly commanded. "Doing your duty will make me the proudest and happiest of you."

There was a pause before there was a shuffle of feet. Itou picked me up and I winced at the wires causing me more pain. There was a slight noise coming from the sack when the woman picked it up before we were off into the trees. I heard someone shout out "stop", but it went ignored as Itou flew from branch to branch, her enhanced speed pushing us away from our previous site where sounds of battle were now taking place. I heard the smallest fwip of sound before Itou stumbled slightly, but otherwise pushed on.

Twenty minutes of running later, Itou had begun to slow down significantly, her breath coming out in soft pants. She eventually came to a full stop and jumped down to the ground. Letting both the bag and me fall to the ground, she brushed aside some bushes before coming back and picking me up. She pressed me against the one part of the inside of a tree trunk before disappearing. Then, I watched as she gently set down a bag that was leaking some kind of liquid, but my eyes wouldn't focus enough to figure out what it was. Itou gave me a hard glance before seeming to be conflicted by some kind of indecision. Eventually, she nodded and slammed a kunai against my temple.

* * *

My head throbbed when my eyes next opened, and my throat was dry and parched. I rested my head back against the wood behind me, shifting my stiff shoulders. I heard soft whimpering and grudgingly raised my head to peer in front of me at the trembling sack. My bleary eyes shifted away to look outside. It was far brighter than before, so I assumed that the sun had risen. I blinked slowly, shifting forward only to realize the wiring around me had been cut. I raised my hands up to stare down at them. I was free, but I didn't particularly feel like celebrating.

With a quick groan, I pushed my body into motion, falling forward on my hands and knees to crawl over to the still trembling bundle. I winced when I saw the caked blood that had bled through my sleeves. My vest was also shredded, and I wouldn't be able to wear it anymore if I got through this. I tried unraveling the knot, but my body constantly felt like it was going to shut down at any minute. I sighed before gathering up a boost of energy and forcing the knot loose. I opened the sack to see a dirtied, sullied, crying little girl staring up at me with wide eyes full of fear and hurt.

"Oh, honey," I murmured, my heart strings tearing.

She whimpered when I attempted to touch her, and I shushed her softly. "Shhh. It's okay. I'm not going to hurt you, Hinata. I promise."

I pulled her into my tired arms, even though she tried to resist a bit. I held the three year old against me, patting her back gently as I realized the liquid I'd seen before had probably been urine. I closed my eyes as I tried to calm her down – she'd started crying anew when she'd realized she wasn't going to be hurt anymore. I slowly patted her hair, resting my head gently against hers.

"It'll be fine," I murmured almost unintelligibly. "Someone will come and save us."

My head wasn't working too well at that moment, but I briefly wondered why no one had come to our rescue just yet. A Hyuuga had been stolen from their village, so I'd expected some other Hyuugas to be about, using their doujutsu to hunt the little girl down. It was strange, but Hyuuga could see through walls and trees and stuff, right? My eyes closed slowly as my exhaustion continued catching up with me.

"Hinata, stay with me, okay?" I asked in little more than a whisper as my eyes closed completely.

They opened again long after, my head not pounding nearly as much and my body not nearly as exhausted as before. Hinata was tucked in tightly at my side, her little fists clutching fiercely to my torn clothing. I slowly lifted my hand to stroke her head softly, my mind on other things as I thought about my situation.

My eyes flicked over to look outside, but it was dark again. I could safely say we'd been gone for nearly a day, or perhaps even longer, without any sort of rescue. That was strange in and of itself, and I didn't understand what exactly was causing the holdup. Konoha wasn't that inept – they should've been able to find two little kids. As far as I knew, we were still in Fire Country, in our homeland. If they weren't finding us, it had to be because they were physically incapable of doing so. It would've had to have been a very high-class genjutsu, or something else that confused the Hyuugas senses. But, the Uchiha were around, too, and they could definitely see through genjutsu. I didn't know what could possibly be stopping them from finding us.

I groaned as I tried to sit up, but Hinata was holding on too tightly for me to move. Her large eyes opened to look up at me, but then she saw our surroundings and started shaking again. Her little fists tried clenching my clothing even tighter as tears fell down her face.

"Mommy," she cried out softly. "Daddy..."

"You'll see them again," I told her gently. "I promise. I'll keep you safe."

Hah. Yeah. Chakra-exhausted me was _totally_ going to be a big help with that. Oh yeah.

Hinata only whimpered a slight bit more before clinging to my side and not saying anything further. Hell, this was horrible. It was terrible that a child her age had to be subjugated to the torture of being kidnapped against her will and then tossed into a situation where she couldn't rely on the only people she'd ever really known her entire life. I patted her head again, and then tucked my feet underneath me. The moment I tried to stand up, Hinata clutched at me further, causing me to fall back against the trunk as my balance failed.

"Sweetie, you're going to have to let me go a bit," I cajoled her. "I need to stand up."

"No leave," she whimpered, crying more. "I want Mommy..."

"I know, hun," I agreed, trying to stay patient. "But if you don't let me get up, we won't be able to get you mommy, okay?"

"...No leave?"

"I'm not going anywhere without you," I told her firmly. "Don't worry."

She looked deeply into my eyes before her hand slowly released their vice-like grip on my clothing. I breathed a soft sigh of relief before holding out my hand for her to take. Her tiny hand touched mine and I wrapped my fingers around it, giving her a self-assured smile that projected all of the confidence I wasn't actually feeling. I turned around to face the entrance of the trunk and took in a deep breath.

I ducked my head underneath the lip, my eyes darting back and forth as I took in my surroundings. Aw, hell. Who was I kidding? I had no fucking idea of where I was.

Hinata pattered after me, the thumb on her right hand stuck in her mouth as she stayed right at my side. Her eyes glanced around, too, but never once did she attempt to leave my side. I pushed aside the bushes before coming across a line of different kanji in... Was that dried blood?

I fell to a knee as my hands touched the writing before a red spark struck out, sending me reeling back. What was this sorcery? And what time period was I in to think such a middle-aged term?

I backed away quickly from the words, staring with some dawning understanding as I noticed them encircle around the tree. With Hinata in hand, I went along the barrier, making a full circle until we made it back around. Holy shit, this was some crazy stuff. I'd never seen anything like it, but whatever it was, it was definitely blocking anything from getting in or out. But, if nothing could get in or out, then that meant no Kumo ninja could get at us either, which utterly and completely defeated the point of putting us here in the first place.

Well, since looking around wasn't going to help me, I chose to instead look up. My eyes fell on a tuft of red hair that I could see hidden in the branches above. My mouth tightened into a frown and I could feel a spark of anger erupt within me. It was this person fault that I was even here in the first place. I let go of Hinata's hand, much to her confusion and discontentment.

She cried out but I whirled around, my eyes determined. "Stay here, Hinata, and don't go near that black writing. I'm going to get to the bottom of this."

"No leave!" she cried out. "You promised!"

"I'm not going anywhere," I said. "I promised, and I'm not letting go of that. I'm going right up that tree though. You'll be able to see me, okay?"

"No leave!" she demanded again, beginning to cry again. "No leave!"

"You'll be able to see me, okay?" I tried to placate her. "But I need you to be a strong girl for me, okay? Like mommy and daddy."

Her little hands came up to rub at her eyes as she continued crying silently. I patted her on the head before spinning around and glaring at the obstacle of a tree trunk standing between me and my target. I had a good idea that Itou had been the one to lay down the...whatever it was – containment circle, maybe? I needed to contend with her before I had any chance of getting any kind of rescue.

I sighed. My body hadn't caught up on enough sleep, but I didn't have a choice. I put my foot on the trunk, attaching it with as little chakra as I could stand without slipping off. Then, I took in a deep breath and sprang from the ground, my footfalls making pit-pat sounds as I ran up the length of the tree. I came to an abrupt halt and flipped onto the same branch Itou was on. She didn't even bother to move any of her body save for her eyes when I came into view. Dark circles lined the bottom edges of her eyes as she tried to focus on me.

"You're awake," she croaked softly. "...The envoy hasn't made it yet..."

"I'm not going with them, and neither is she," I stated, as if it were only obvious. "What's this barrier thing? Take it down."

She coughed slightly before letting out a wiry smile. "An old blood fuuinjutsu from a family long since dead. You'll have to kill me if you want to leave."

"That can be arranged," I was quick to say, bending down in case she was going to fight.

"Go ahead," she coughed, blood pooling up and dribbling down her chin. "I'm dead either way."

I hesitated slightly, my hands falling down to my kunai pouch before I grimaced. I only had practice kunai on me. I couldn't kill her with those. She saw me seem to struggle with something and tilted her head.

"What's wrong? Afraid to kill someone?"

"No, actually," I replied. "My practice kunai just won't be killing anything right now."

I walked straight up to her and leaned my face in near hers as my hand reached for one of her kunai. She didn't resist, and I realized that she didn't fight not because she didn't want to, but because she couldn't move at all. Itou gave me a half-hearted smile when she saw the realization dawn on my face.

"Do it," she told me, and I frowned.

The kunai flipped into my hand and without any further deliberation, I sliced the weapon across her neck, ending her life swiftly. I stood back a bit before glancing down and seeing the array of kanji glow brightly before disappearing. My eyes closed for a moment.

That had been my first kill, but I didn't really feel anything. It was real life, not a video game, but I just couldn't care at all about the life now gone. She'd never mattered to me, so it was like cutting open an onion, or slicing a piece of steak. Hell, I probably would've cared about the steak far more. Honestly, it would probably bother me a hell of a lot later, once things settled down, but for now, I had too much on my mind. I needed to get a little girl and myself home safely, but there was still a threat out there. I didn't have a lot of chakra to work with, and if we were caught by the wrong party, I wouldn't be in any condition to do anything.

A soft sob caught my attention, throwing me out of my thoughts. I glanced down to see Hinata still crying, her little fists rubbing her eyes even more than before. With that, I made a decision. I walked forward to where the dead Itou laid still, my hands scrounging through her pockets and pouches. I took out my practice weapons and pushed in her real metal ones. I took her pouches and attached them to my belt, and then held up one particular pouch.

Soldier pills. I needed to take one if I was going to be of any real help, but if I remembered correctly, there could be some harsh penalties for taking one. I also didn't know how it would affect someone as young as a six-year-old, and I honestly didn't want to find out. I gritted my teeth as I clenched the bag in my hand. My eyes closing, I took in a deep breath and let out a sigh. I didn't have a choice.

It was just as I was about to reach into the pouch that I heard a cry of alarm, and my gaze immediately shifted to glare down at the ground where an unknown shinobi was standing right next to Hinata. Rage flooded my body when I saw the forehead protector on his head: Kumo. This was that damned envoy!

"That's odd," muttered the Kumo ninja. "The messenger said there was another brat, too."

 _You little fucker_ , I thought to myself. _You aren't getting either of us, damn it._

With that in mind, I chucked a pill into my mouth and bit down hard onto it, the bitter powder hitting my tongue and making me shiver from its horrible taste. A warmth flared within me as it shot through my body, centering around where my heart was until it raced out to my extremities. I looked down at my fingers with wonder as a sense of unlimited power grew within me. I felt more energized than I had since before I'd begun my training after the festival.

My awe was cut short when I saw the Kumo ninja turn his attention upwards, a smirk growing on his face as he saw me.

"Ah. There you are."

I glared down at him as my hands went through seals that felt as natural to me as walking now. Horse. Monkey. Dog. Rabbit. The man vanished from my view and I saw him land right next to me, though he paid me little attention as he looked at his fellow Kumo compadre.

"Whoa. What happened to you, Itou?" he asked himself.

 _Genjutsu: Fukashi no Kaze!_

I let the technique take a chunk of my newly regained chakra as I disappeared from his sight. The man let out a sound of disbelief before jumping back away from me. He threw a few shuriken at where I was standing, but I quickly flipped out of the way, tucking in my knees as I fell in a continuous somersault all the way down to the ground. I hit the ground hard and had to move again as he fell after me, a kunai stabbing right where I'd been.

 _This technique is useless if they can see where I was beforehand_ , I admonished myself, releasing the genjutsu.

My muscles screamed in pain as I contorted my body, trying to escape a lot of his shots at me. I leapt back before jumping forward, my foot slamming into his stomach with as much force as I could muster. He let out a grunt and grabbed my ankle before whipping me around and sending me flying into some underbrush. I heard Hinata cry out with fear as I rolled through the branches and twigs, my face getting cut up as I went. I lifted my head quickly to see where my enemy was, but didn't notice him behind me until he slammed a kick into my back and sent me flying forward. I landed on the ground with a loud thump, my ribs protesting every movement I made.

The man sauntered up with a smirk on his face. "It's time to stop playing ninja, little girl."

"Fuck you," I spat out, my hand reaching into a pouch and drawing out one of the last few seals I had.

I charged it up with chakra before throwing it to the ground. He made a sound of irritation and I flickered through my seals once again, my genjutsu blitzing back into life as I raced at him. I launched myself at his chest, my hand ripping off one of my chakra bombs as I clutched to his flak vest. Pouring chakra into it, I held onto it for a full second.

Three.

He plied me off and dropped me to the ground. I grunted with pain, my face probably showing it as easily as any child's. His foot reared back, and I dropped the chakra bomb from my hand.

Two.

His foot met my ribs, smashing into them as he sent me flying away, bypassing Hinata and slamming into the trunk of another tree. My eyes opened slowly as I winced with pain, but I felt a smile cross my face as I saw him turn his attention down to the glowing blue gem.

One.

The explosion that erupted threw Hinata flying back towards me, and I achingly pushed myself up and into the air to catch her before she fell. The both of us crashed down onto the ground and I hissed as pain surged through me. I coughed, feeling something warm slide down from the side of my mouth. With Hinata cradled to my right side, I used my left hand to wipe at the liquid, and held it up to my eyes.

Blood. I had internal bleeding. That was hardly surprising. I'd also killed another person, since I didn't hear any kind of roar of anger. That wasn't necessarily _good_ , morally speaking, but it meant I was alive, and so was the child right next to me, although she was a shivering mess.

My chakra was also completely gone again, and I was in an even worse situation than before. I was extremely wary of taking another chakra pill, because that could spell out certain death. I had nothing left to give. I breathed in and out with harsh breaths. Hinata cried out next to me.

"Mommy, Daddy... Where are you?"

I closed my eyes. I wanted my sister here with me, too. When Anko was around, everything seemed so much easier, and far more possible. I was a wreck here on my own.

We laid there for a while, with me just being unable to move, and Hinata completely unwilling to leave my side for another moment. After a few more minutes, I heard the telltale sign of someone, or some people, landing in the vicinity. My muscles tensed as my ribs protested. I was in no condition to fight another battle.

"Hyuuga-sama!" someone called out, suddenly appearing at our side.

I clenched my teeth, glaring at the new person as they tried to take Hinata away from me. The person met my eyes calmly, her own searching mine as she silently fought for control with me. Her eyes were the same whiteness as Hinata's, and I realized she was another Hyuuga. I let go of the toddler as someone came up on my left side. I looked up into their eyes to see the mask of an ANBU staring back at me. It was in the shape of a dog.

"Kakashi," I muttered, exhaustion overtaking me.

Dog turned away and barked out some orders before carefully wrapping his arms around my frame. I winced as his arm brushed against my ribs and he hesitated. Then, with a smooth swiftness, I was cradled within his arms, before he, and several others next to him, turned and headed into the trees. I tried to stay focused on his mask, but my vision was blurring incredibly. I didn't have much more to give.

"Rest," he told me, and I blinked slowly at him before closing my eyes again.

* * *

When I next awoke, the familiar sight of my sister greeted me, though I could see bags under her eyes. Her arms were crossed over her chest as she slept, her chin tucked down to rest her head and not kill her neck at the same time. The beeping from the machine annoyed me slightly and I glanced at the IV inserted into my arm. I breathed in a deep breath before trying to make a bigger movement.

My ribs made me hiss in pain, but it wasn't nearly as bad as before – probably because I was drugged up to the max. Even despite my cry, my sister didn't awake. She looked awfully exhausted, but I was just happy to see her. Although, if I were to be a little honest, I was not looking forward to her reaction. She definitely wouldn't be pleased in the least, and wait. Hadn't she been on a mission? What happened to that? I hope they hadn't thought she'd prove to be a liability because she found out her sibling was in the hospital.

"Anko," I tried to call, but my throat was so dry that nothing more than a whisper came out. I cleared my throat and tried again, and managed to croak out her name.

Her beautiful caramel-brown eyes opened slowly, bleary and unfocused, before her attention fell over onto me. There was a slow pause and then she leaned forward, her hand reaching out to gently stroke my hair. My eyes closed as a feeling of calmness ran down me.

"I heard my little sister saved the Hyuuga heir," Anko said, a tinge of pride present in her voice. "You did well."

My eyes flew to meet hers. I'd expected anger, concern, something else that wasn't the half-happy tone that met my ears. "Anko..."

A tear fell down from her left eye as she continued to smile at me. "I'm proud that you used your teachings in a good way. I'm so sorry that this was the way they had to be experienced, though."

Another tear fell. "I hate that you were forced to kill while so young, but I'm proud that you stood strong."

My chest felt like it was constricting. "Anko."

"But, why is it that when we're apart," she continued, her voice still strong despite her tears, "you always fall into some kind of trouble and nearly get yourself killed? I even knew something was off. I _knew_ it, and I still couldn't do anything about it."

"I'm growing up," I said, trying to relieve the tension with humor.

"You are," she agreed with a soft chuckle. "Faster than I'd thought possible. I can't believe it's already been almost two years."

"What happened to Hinata?"

My sister frowned at this, her left hand reaching up to wipe at her eyes. "Uh, yeah. The Hyuugas will actually be around later to talk to you, I think. So will the Sandaime, so rest up until they get here."

I reached for the hand that was still stroking my hair and held it to my chest. "...Am I in trouble?"

Anko's eyebrows rose before she understood what I was really asking. "No. Not for that, but I am very, _very_ angry that you chose to ignore my advice to not push yourself so hard. But, then again, if you hadn't, Konoha would have lost a very valuable person that day. One of these days, I'm going to come home to find no one waiting for me at all anymore."

Her last words sounded incredibly bitter and sad to my ears, and my shoulders slumped slightly. "I'm sorry, Anko."

"Don't be," she said. "This is all part of being a ninja. You'll understand this more when you graduate in a few months."

"How long do I have to stay in the hospital?"

"A couple of more weeks give or take. You've already been here for a full two."

At this, I stared at her with disbelief. "It's been _two_ weeks?"

Anko frowned. "That's right. You took a soldier pill, didn't you? Plus, you went through a traumatizing situation, and killed someone. That's enough to put you out for a while."

I turned my gaze away. "It was two."

"Hm?" she asked, sounding confused.

"I killed two of them."

She stared at me for some time before closing her eyes. "I see."

I still didn't feel guilty at the moment, but I was sure that given some more time, I soon would. I clutched at Anko's hand a bit more tightly before turning to her.

"...Could you hold me until I fall asleep?"

Imagine: a grown adult asking to be held because she's scared. Unbelievable! Yet, I needed that security blanket. I think what I was more scared of was not the act of feeling guilty, but the possibility that I probably wouldn't feel anything at all. Unfortunately, knowing me, there was a very real possibility of my feeling nothing whatsoever, and that made me feel almost as if I wasn't human at all.

Anko frowned at me, her eyes seeming to be shadowed before she sighed. "Scoot over."

I smiled and tried to shift over enough to let her in the bed. She slid in next to me, her right arm hooking under my head as her left arm fell over my front protectively. I let out a large yawn and she rested her forehead against my ear.

"Sleep," she whispered softly, and I felt my eyes close.

* * *

Cuz, yeah. I'm not a very good human, all things considered.


	15. Chapter 15

What the fuck am I thinking, going in this direction? I don't know what I'm writing. Hell, I'm in over my head. *sighs*

* * *

I gave up on counting the birds that bypassed the window when the hospital door to the room I was in slid open slowly. My interest faded when I saw it was the Hokage, alongside of a couple of ANBU, coming in to discuss the incident that had occurred three weeks before. At this point, I was pretty much over what I'd experienced. I'd killed, but since I still didn't feel anything, I gave up it up for lost and pushed it to the back of my mind. It was probably easier since Itou had never made any sound of pain or suffering, and I never saw what the other Kumo soldier's body looked like, so that made it easier to forget as well.

Behind the Hokage was another person, but because the door slid shut before I could tell out his – her? – face, I didn't dwell on it. The wizened old man approached me with a frown, something for which I was grateful. I didn't like this old man, and if he'd tried to appeal to me in a friendly manner, I might have been more prone to ignoring him altogether. As he reached my bedside, he pulled up a stool and sat down gracefully onto it, while the two ANBU stayed at the door, as if to keep anything from getting out, or getting in. I wasn't sure which.

At the old man's nod, the ANBU with the cat mask quickly flew through a number of hand seals and placed her hand on the ground. I saw a number of kanji stretch out from the circle surrounding her hand, reaching up around the room and across the ceiling. I think she muttered something because right after, all of the kanji lit up and then faded into nothingness. It reminded me of what I'd seen while captured, and my eyes narrowed. Another fuuinjutsu of sorts?

"Hotaru-kun," Hiruzen called, gaining my attention with the lack of "-chan" and the new title of "-kun". What did that mean, I wonder?

"Hokage-sama," I said in return. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"You have been through much, little one," the old man said. "And at such a young age, as well. "Not even Kakashi had managed to kill at so young an age."

I stayed silent, wondering where this was heading. He didn't disappoint.

"I would like to discuss the event of the day of the festival on December twenty-seventh and those thereafter with you, if you find yourself in a position to do so," the Hokage said authoritatively. "Please be thorough with your details, as much as you are able. What you tell me may come of great importance."

I stared at him for a short while before asking, "From what part of the day should I start recalling?"

"From the very beginning."

I rolled a shoulder back, pleased that I wasn't feeling as much pain as I had one week prior. Sleeping for so long had given my body time to heal faster, and the medics had been able to jumpstart me a bit more, allowing for a quicker recuperation. I sighed and focused my attention on the leader of the village where I'd been born. From the moment I next opened my mouth, words detailing each and every part of my day, from the time I woke up to when I hanged out with the Yamanakas, all the way until I reached the part where the Dog ANBU had retrieved me and taken me back to the village safely. I told him of how I'd disobeyed my sister's orders to go home early and instead chose to train until I was half-dead.

I informed him of the people who had kidnapped me, of their names, and how they had operated. I went on to talk about the kunoichi who had tossed Hinata and myself into the trunk of a tree and then erected an old family blood fuuinjutsu technique that, in my uneducated opinion, appeared to block out anyone who wasn't allowed access otherwise. No, I had not heard the technique's name, and no, I had no idea of what family the woman was talking of, but I knew that it had been a powerful enough technique that it had rendered the kunoichi immobile given enough time.

How did I feel when I killed the woman? Honestly, I felt nothing whatsoever – it was only a means to an end. Had she not died, we most certainly would have died ourselves, or been taken away with little resistance. Was I pleased she was dead? No, I couldn't even begin to say that was the case. I felt no joy from taking away someone's life, and I was hardly better for it, mentally speaking. Will I allow it to take over my life and keep me from living the way I want or need to? No, I chose to take an action that would most likely result in the highest probability of survival.

What was the large explosion in the forest? I fingered my necklace of chakra bombs that Anko had returned to me, painfully glad that I'd had them because we would've been in Kumo by now. Well, Hinata would've been in Kumo. I would've been with Orochimaru, preyed upon as one of his many experiments. The explosion, I summarized, was from using one of the bombs on my necklace at an opportune time and catching my enemy off guard. Did I know his rank? No, I'm afraid learning that had not been at the top of my list that day.

The last question made me stumble slightly, metaphorically speaking.

"How did you know who Dog was?" asked the Hokage, his expression never once changing throughout the story.

Uh, because I'm from a different world where you're all manga characters, and the manga said he was Dog?

"He smells like dog," I said dryly, telling him about the times I'd met Kakashi.

He, in fact, did not smell like dog. The man actually didn't have much of an odor to him whatsoever, but hey, I was a kid. If a kid says something smells like whatever, there's little point in rebuking them. Kids will say whatever they want, the little fuckers.

The Hokage was obviously amused by my reply, but commented no further on the matter.

"How often do you see the Yamanakas, Hotaru-kun?" he asked.

I rubbed the back of my head. "I was seeing them practically every day for a while there. I don't know. Is my sister back from her mission for good, or is she heading back out there again?"

Hiruzen looked at me carefully. "She and her team fulfilled their mission parameters."

"Oh, then, I'll just see them whenever we bump into each other, I guess. I might see them on the weekends."

He nodded. "I see."

I wasn't fooled at all. He wanted me to talk to Inoichi and get counseling for what I'd experienced, but I wasn't interested in the least. If I wanted help, I'd ask for it. I wouldn't be bullied into opening my heart for whatever reason given me. That was my choice, and no one else's.

There was a small moment of silence before the man spoke again.

"I hear you will be checking out of the hospital this week. Do you feel healed enough to leave?"

"I'm ready to get out of here," I answered honestly.

He chuckled. "I understand the feeling. Give Anko-kun my greetings. And, thank you for relating your experience to me. Rest well."

I nodded once to show I understood and the old man stood up. As he approached the door to leave, the Cat ANBU released the jutsu. Then, both of the ANBU just vanished from sight as the Hokage walked out of the door. I was about to let out a sigh of relief when someone else held the door open to come inside. I narrowed my eyes once I saw that it was Hyuuga Hiashi, his wife, and their little Hinata come to visit me. My sister trailed in afterwards, her eyes immediately seeking mine as I tilted my head only slightly.

"I hope you do not mind my attendance, Hyuuga-sama," my sister said in a formal, respectful manner, her head in a slight bow.

Hiashi hardly even gave her a glance, his focus solely on me, much to my chagrin. His eyes closed as his wife slowly came forward, her every step graceful as she came to the left side of my bed. Anko kept herself back towards the other side of the room, but close enough to interfere should anything come to pass. I met her gaze briefly and she frowned at me, a curt shake of the head and nod at Hiashi forcing me to look away from her and focus on my guests.

Hiashi's wife peered down at me with a blank expression, as if trying to read my every thought and movement. She stayed that way until little Hinata turned around to glance at what had captured her mother's attention so. When she saw me, her eyes widened slightly in recognition, but she otherwise stayed quiet. At the very least, Hinata seemed to relax slightly against her mother, her eyes closing as she tried to rest.

"Please allow me to introduce myself," Hinata's mother began. "My name is Hitomi, the wife of Hiashi, and the mother of the child you sought to save. I have long awaited to meet you and give my greetings."

I frowned, somewhat perplexed as to how respond. It turned out I needn't have bothered figuring that out.

"There," Hitomi started with a slight pause, her own white eyes lifting to focus on my eyes after she rose from her bow, "is much I have wanted to say to you. I have found myself in the unique position, however, of speechlessness in regards to the matter, and am concerned that my words will not do my feelings justice."

Hiashi approached behind his wife, his hand on her small of her back as she gently sat Hinata down onto my bed. I, bewildered, looked at the woman while wondering what she was thinking. Hinata, however, simply looked over at me, her eyes wide as she took in every detail. She glanced back at her mother, but otherwise sat still and quietly. Both Hitomi and Hiashi gazed down at their firstborn with something akin to love and pride, but, I think I also detected a little bit of surprise in their features.

The beautiful woman with long, silken dark-purple hair and an aura of peace and tranquility smiled almost hesitantly.

"She does not spurn your presence," Hitomi said, almost sounding baffled. "Since that day, she has allowed no other person anywhere near her, not even other members of our clan. I find myself at my wit's end, wondering what to do."

Ah, I got it now. Hinata's rejecting everyone as a potential enemy, though it did surprise me that she wouldn't trust her own family members. I could guess that I might've earned her trust by keeping her "safe", but I would've never thought her situation would be so dire. If I recalled correctly, though, Hinata had never been taken out of the village with the kidnap attempt in the manga, and so it wasn't as severe or traumatizing to her psyche. This time, however, she'd not only been stolen, but stuffed into a bag, kicked like a puppy, forced to sit in the leakage of her own urine, and subjugated to a blast of chakra that very well could have killed her before finally being return to her family. That was enough to put down any adult, much less a toddler. It was no wonder she was trying to create her own little bubble.

Hitomi opened her mouth to say something more, but Hiashi put his hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him as he looked at me fully.

"I wonder if you could tell me what happened that night to our daughter. I realize this is a difficult topic," he said with a glance over at my tensed sister, "but if we know what happened, we might be able to assist Hinata in her psychological treatment."

I grimaced, but just like with the Hokage, relayed to them every detail I could remember that occurred while I was with Hinata. It hadn't been a pleasurable trip at all, and I despised that a child so young had to go through such an experience. No matter what I said though, the Hyuugas' expressions never once changed or shifted – they never showed anything more than a blank expression. It was kind of admirable, honestly.

Hiashi sighed softly. "So, that is what occurred. Then it is only reasonable for her to demonstrate such actions."

Hitomi, on the other hand, while not having shown a single flicker of emotion on her face, seemed to emanate an immeasurable anger. I felt myself back away slightly, and barely noticed Anko tense even more. Hiashi never glanced at my sister, but whispered something to his wife. The dark feeling coming from her seemed to ebb away a bit, but never entirely vanished.

The woman closed her eyes before taking in a deep breath. "I know not how to express my gratefulness in your part in keeping our child safe. If only but I could, I would make you an honorary member of our clan so that all would know you have the Hyuugas backing you at every turn."

My face slackened with surprise and I could tell my sister was also somewhat flabbergasted by the idea.

"Indeed," Hiashi agreed. "You have shown great courage, and due to your actions, no one in my family is left to suffer further. With this event in mind, our family will only push to grow stronger to eliminate the weakness that allowed this to occur in the first place."

I tilted my head slightly. "I did what was right, as far as I'm concerned. There is no reason to thank me anymore than you already have."

"An honorable attitude," Hiashi stated, "but I am incapable of granting that wish. We Hyuuga are nothing if not bound to the words we speak. I speak on behalf of the entire family as the Clan Head: we, the Hyuuga, would like to assist you in whatever endeavor you would ask of us, no matter what it is, no matter how strenuous. We will accept no less."

With this, Anko's jaw fell completely and I frowned with discomfort. Even my sixteen-year-old sister was incapable of taking in this new piece of information – I think it was short-circuiting her brain, actually. Her eyes slowly turned to look into mine as she silently waited for what I would decide. I didn't really know what to tell her, because I didn't know what I wanted.

I shook my head.

"That is something I cannot even fully fathom," I told them honestly. "I don't know what I would ask for, but at the moment, I don't really want anything from you. Is this something that needs to be decided now, or can I come to you for the favor at a later time?"

"There is no expiration date for this," Hiashi firmly said. "Come to us whenever you are ready to make your decision. We will be waiting."

He turned to his wife as if to say it was time for them to leave, but she hesitated ever so slightly. Hitomi's eyes lingered on her daughter for a moment before she dragged them away to look at me. She still showed nothing but that blank mask, but I could feel her burning desire to ask something else.

"Is there something wrong?" I eventually asked to help her along. Not even Hiashi seemed to know what the woman wanted.

"It is about Hinata," Hitomi murmured slowly. "I... We are hardly in any position to ask anything more of you, and no matter how you choose to reply, that will be more than acceptable."

I waited for a little bit, and then waited for a little longer before finally realizing she wasn't going to just come out and say it. "...Yes?"

Hitomi raised her head. "Would you be at all willing to spend some of your time with our daughter? She seems to take to your presence, and if possible –"

"Hitomi," Hiashi said harshly, grabbing her hand and squeezing it. "We are in no position to be requesting anything from her, you realize."

Hitomi, much to my surprise, ignored her husband. "I am concerned about our daughter. I know this is sudden, but..."

I frowned. "Say I did choose to do so. Wouldn't that mean you owed me another favor?"

"Yes," she immediately answered, not looking upset in the slightest. "It would, indeed. A favor I would be more than willing to make possible, no matter the sacrifice I must pay."

Hiashi frowned, but didn't deny her words. He, too, looked at me to see what my answer would be. I felt Anko's gaze on me as well, and took in a deep breath.

"In exchange for taking time out of my schedule to be with Hinata, I'd like two things: training, and meals for when I'm at the compound."

The two adults seemed taken aback by my demand, and I frowned more deeply. Perhaps I should've just stuck with a full-course meal and left the training for some other time?

"That is all you're requesting of us?" asked Hitomi, her voice sounding somewhat hollow.

I gave them a smile. "I'm a terrible student. Just ask my sister."

Hiashi looked down at his daughter before looking back at me. "Training," he repeated.

"Yes sir," I replied.

He nodded. "Done. We will flesh out the details of said training once we settle the date for when you'll first come to the compound."

Hiashi looked at his wife who still seemed to be in a state of shock. She recovered soon after, her hands reaching out to pick up Hinata and hold her close to her bosom. Hitomi gave me a long glance before bowing her head. Her husband also looked at me and tilted his head down just slightly before turning around, his wife and daughter in tow. He looked over at my sister standing off to the side and nodded at her as well. Anko bowed in return and soon after, the Hyuugas left the room, the door sliding shut in their wake.

As soon as they were gone, both Anko and I let out a sigh of relief. The tension in the room had been rather thick, as Hiashi was the type of person to demand attention and respect just from how he carried himself. My sister came to my side and sat on the stool, shaking her head slightly.

"I never thought I would see the day when the Hyuugas intentionally offered a favor to someone else," she said, a bit of awe in her voice. "You could ask them something as insane as fast-tracking you through any program you desired, or for land in the village, or anything incredibly exorbitant. They have so much power in the village that nothing would be out of their grasp."

"Right," I agreed. "Something like that is too big an ordeal for me to decide right here and now. Besides, I don't know what's going to take place in the future, anyway. Hell, they could –"

I froze mid-thought. If I could use their influence to somehow deal with Naruto's situation...

I immediately pushed that idea aside. That was a can of worms I didn't need to get involved in. But, then again, what about the Uchiha Massacre? Could they somehow avert that incident?

Again, I pushed the thought to the back of my mind. No. I wasn't going to think about this right now. No, no, no, hell no. I instead turned to my sister.

"I want pancakes," I demanded.

She stared at me, slowly repeating, "Pancakes. You were just placed in a position others could only dream of, and the first thing you ask from me is not advice, but that I make you pancakes."

"Ten, please!" I added, causing her to sigh.

Anko reached out and ruffled my hair, her eyes soft and warm as she looked at me. "What am I going to do with you, brat?"

"You could teach me the summoning technique..."

She chuckled. "When you graduate, I will make that happen. Do you want to summon snakes like me?"

I shook my head fervently. "No offense, but I hate those things now."

"None taken," she muttered wirily. "I'd get another species if I weren't afraid of dying for ending the contract."

Anko tapped her knee with a few fingers before shrugging. "Fine. Pancakes. I'll go make some and bring them back, I guess."

I smiled my biggest, cheesiest smile at her and she rolled her eyes. "Save me from growing children."

I only laughed in response.

* * *

When I finally returned to school the next week, the village was bustling and buzzing with activity. Construction on rebuilding the buildings that had been destroyed during what was now known as the Kumo Incident, and people were taking to the streets again. It was obvious though, that tensions were high, and I saw a lot of shinobi entering and leaving the gate ever since I got out of the hospital.

I walked up the stairs and sat next to Shiyou, like always. He gave me a nod and handed me a small package. I took it with some confusion.

"A get well present. Shina will give you hers at a later time," he informed me quietly.

I felt myself smile slowly, feeling touched that they would bother with such a thing. I doubt they knew exactly what had happened to me, but it was the thought that they would consider me at all that really got me. I looked at the gift in my hands and put it into my bag for opening later. I then turned my attention to the front, where there was some kind of box lying on our teacher's desk. When our teacher stood up, it wasn't with the normal annoyance of a having to contend with a large, loud class. I could see the calm professionalism masking her features and something that demanded I look at her and pay attention.

I apparently wasn't the only one who felt that way, as all of my classmates soon fell quiet and looked at her with their complete attention. Maria-sensei took the roster off of her desk, slowing going through the motions of a normal day. When she called out every name for attendance and saw that every student was there, she gently placed down the binder and looked up at her students.

"Good morning, all of you," she began, pausing as we all echoed the greeting back. "As I'm sure you've noticed, the village has been quite busy lately. I'm not sure how many of you are aware, but nearly a month ago, our village walls were compromised by enemy ninja from Kumogakure, a village that has always sought out our many advantages. They attempted to steal a number of children to better their own village at the cost of ours, resulting in an incident that we will never again allow to be repeated.

"It is with great anxiety and sadness that I have to make this clear, but as of today, all of you are no longer my students."

My entire class was stunned into silence. I closed my eyes.

"The Sandaime and his advisors have officially declared war against Kumo, and due to this, we are in need of more capable soldiers to help aid missions," Maria-sensei continued, her voice completely lacking enthusiasm. "As such, all classes of this level are forcefully being promoted to genin, despite class ranking and received grades. You have all been separated into teams of three classes. Class B will be performing necessary tasks within the village that require many hands to keep all processes smooth. Class A will attend to border control, and relaying of different information to and from the village into the hands of both chuunin and jounin alike. Class S will be participating firsthand in operations outside of the village that can be performed by genin without too much repercussion.

"This format was decided upon by our lead tactician as a way to hasten your growth and accomplish all that is necessary as a whole. We did not have enough time to train you psychologically in the matters of war, and you will be relying on your jounin instructors to see you through to the end."

Maria-sensei paused for a moment before her lips firmed. "And, to those designated as Class S, I can say nothing more than to know that nothing is trustworthy out in that world. Sometimes, not even the very teammates with whom you cooperate. Nothing is what it is believed to be. Expect the unexpected, and look underneath the underneath."

For once, my class chose to say nothing at all, too deeply impressed by the news given them. Inwardly, I wondered just how many of us would still be alive at the end of this war. My eyes turned to look at Shiyou. I'd finally made a friend, and then this happened. What about my fifteen years of peace?

Our teacher lifted the lid on the box to show a set of shiny, new forehead protectors – one for each and every one of us. She picked up a clipboard and looked up at us.

"I will now call out the various teams. Starting with Class B..."

I heard her call out a number of names, with each student going down to get a hitai-ate to prove his or her adulthood and the fact that he or she was no longer a student, but a soldier fighting in the name of our Hokage. I grew wary when she didn't call out my name in either Classes B or A and closed my eyes again.

For the love of God, do _not_ put me out in that mess.

"Team Three, under the jounin Nara Shikaku, are as followed: Aburame Shiyou, Mitarashi Hotaru, and Yakawa Rouri. As I mentioned before, you are of S-Class, and will be partaking in different operations out in the field. Please come forward to retrieve your hitai-ate."

I didn't do anything but gape down at her. I wasn't sure what part of what she said irked me the most: the fact that I was going to be out there busting my ass on the field, the fact that the damned Nara was my freaking instructor, or the fact that I was fated to be on the same team as my goddamned bully.

"You've got to be kidding me," I whispered to myself.

I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned my bewildered gaze up to Shiyou, who pointed down at the desk. Feeling as if I'd had my soul sucked out, I stood up and made my way down to the desk. Picking up a forehead protector from the box, I grimaced as I held it in my hand. It...felt incredibly heavy, for some reason. When another person pushed me out of the way, I fell back a couple of steps into Shiyou, who kept me from falling completely. My eyes narrowed when I saw Rouri, who sneered at me. He turned away and went back to his seat and I let out a small sound of irritation.

"Seriously, what the hell," I muttered under my breath.

By the time Shiyou and I returned to our seats, Maria-sensei was already telling us our next tasks.

"Team One will meet at Ground Eight. Team Two will meet at Ground Three. Team Three will meet at the Nara compound. Team Twelve..."

When she finally ran through every single team, she gave us one last smile, and for a moment, I realized it might be the last one I'd ever see from her.

"You are all capable young men and women," she said softly. "I have no regrets and know you will go far and do great things. I thank you for allowing me to instruct you as your teacher, and I wish you good luck in your journey."

With that said, she bowed deeply to all of us.

I grit my teeth, not wanting to see this. Grabbing my bag, I made my way down to the bottom. I gave my teacher a glance, though there wasn't much I felt I could say. In the end, I bowed my head to her and she nodded her acknowledgement. Then, I turned away and headed out of the door. To my surprise, Shiyou came up on my right side. I hadn't even noticed he'd left with me. Just as I was going to smile at him, someone from my left knocked me to the side. Shiyou had his hand gripped around my arm, keeping me stable as our third teammate passed us and kept going.

"What the fucking hell," I spat out, shifting my weight so I could stand up straight. "Goddamn that fucking brat."

"We should hurry to the Nara compound," Shiyou stated softly. "It is a shame, however."

I continued to scowl. "What is?"

"The two of us were looking forward to your visit."

That made me freeze and I looked over at him, chagrined. "I'm sorry that I couldn't go."

"No," he told me. "You have lived through a difficult experience, from what I've heard. I am only glad you're safe."

My eyebrows rose as walked beside him silently. I wasn't sure how to take that so I turned away.

"Thank you," I finally muttered.

I stared down at my forehead protector as we hurried along to the compound. I wasn't sure where to place it. I didn't want to wear it on my forehead, and I wasn't sure what else was a suitable thing to put it on. I suddenly thought of my sister, who always proudly wore hers on her forehead, and I shook my head. Brushing my bangs aside, I lifted the hitai-ate and tied it tightly against my forehead. I saw Shiyou do the same, and nodded. The two of us reached the compound right after our third teammate, who chose to ignore us entirely.

When we came up to a couple of guards blocking the entrance, they stood aside and let us through to an awaiting Shikaku. He gave us one glance before gesturing that we follow. The three of us followed – Rouri headed in front of us, and Shiyou came up right behind me and a little to the side. We trailed after Shikaku all the way to the Nara forests, where he finally had us sit down in the grass in front of him.

"I'll be quick," the tactician said. "These are not favorable conditions. Under normal circumstances, you would first pass a test at the academy and then pass a test as team to ensure you were ready for this responsibility. However, given the situation, we do not even have time for that. I will be honest: I handpicked you three from the very beginning."

No one said a word as he turned first to Shiyou. "I picked you because you have a good head on your shoulders. You're quiet, and you know how to utilize your weapons. The problem you have is that you second-guess too many things. I'll do what I can, but you'll have to figure out how to get past that on your own while we're in the field."

He turned next to Rouri. "I heard that you are fairly decent at tactics and using pieces of information to unravel plans to be used for your own benefit. Your issue is that you're arrogant and difficult to trust. To be straight with you, I need you to fix that. Pronto."

Rouri scowled, but Shikaku ignored him and turned to me. "You, I chose because you know how to get out of sticky situations when necessary. You can also be diplomatic when the situation calls for it, and you read social cues fairly well. What you need to overcome is your physical disposition and your recklessness. You'll get yourself, and all of us killed if you charge in like you always do."

I shrugged my shoulders. He spoke the truth.

"Now," Shikaku continued, "you may be aware that I am the lead tactician for our village. This puts me in a difficult position as a jounin instructor. I need to be there for the Hokage and advise him on matters, but I also need to take care of all of you. That is why you were assigned as a Class S, because we will be taking things a step further than other teams. I need information, and Kumo is particularly stingy with allowing anything to get out. Our goal is infiltration. Under normal circumstances, fresh genin would never be assigned anything so risky, but we have little choice."

Rouri scoffed, but I wasn't so willing to ignore the subtle implications of our task. "We're infiltrating Kumo? The main village, or the outskirts of the territory? Do you even know what we're getting ourselves into?"

Shikaku frowned at me. "No. That's why we're going. And, while we have declared war officially, Kumo doesn't know this yet, and we'd like to keep it that way for as long as possible. Only a few teams of genin will be undertaking this difficult task, and the rest will be left to various jounin and ANBU. We can't send in very many teams, though, because they'll figure out something's off soon enough."

I looked at Shiyou as he leaned forward. "Am I to understand that we are also acting as a surveillance team? Will there be a distraction provided to us as we slip in? Will we be undercover?"

"Yes to all three questions," our instructor said, seeming slightly pleased. "This operation needs to be kept under wrap as much as possible. We will also not be leaving as single unit, either. When it is time for you to leave, you will receive a notice the morning, afternoon, evening, or night of. When that notice will come, I can't say. It could be today. It could be in two weeks. No matter what the case, prepare yourself, because as soon as you receive it, you are to leave immediately. Understand?"

"Not much time to plan for anything," murmured Rouri. "No one knows what's going on. We're going to be sitting ducks."

"We'll see," Shikaku replied. "For now, this is my lone order to you: leave and prepare for your journey. You will receive mission details in due time."

I grimaced as I stood up. He'd briefed us solidly, but I didn't feel like he'd really told us anything. I didn't like the idea that we were going in blind, and I definitely didn't enjoy the idea of possibly heading off on my own. This definitely didn't sit well with me, and I felt like I had more questions than answers at this point. As the two boys stood up and began to leave, Shikaku held me back.

I frowned at him. "What is it?"

"Get your gear. You set off tonight."

This time, I stared at him with my mouth slightly open with indignation. "What? But I..."

He handed me a scroll. As I looked at it, my heart sank. "Why me...?"

"You can get out of sticky situations," he repeated his words from earlier. "Don't worry. We won't be far behind."

I slowly let my gaze fell. "Anko's not going to like this..."

Shikaku shook his head. "You can't tell her."

"What?" I exclaimed. "But, how am I going to get prepped? How can I just leave?"

He set his hand on my head to calm me before saying, "I know. But the moment you received that scroll, Mitarashi Hotaru no longer existed, at least for the time being. Look at the scroll. Unseal it when you are alone, and get out as soon as you can. I'm sorry, but this is how it has to be."

I stared at the scroll. Oh, she really wasn't going to like this...

* * *

Goddamn it, Shikaku. What the hell were you thinking? No, seriously, what WERE you thinking?


	16. Chapter 16

You know, I realized that aside of what we learn about the specific characters themselves, we don't know all that much about Kumo itself. It's practically a blank slate. It's got poverty, a hell of a lot of issues, and so forth, but, it was hard to bring anything up specifically.

Honestly, I don't precisely where this story is taking me. I'm writing what wants to be written. When we are all of a consensus that nothing makes sense anymore, I'll shut down this story. Until then, enjoy the ride. This story was somewhat of an experiment for me, and I'm still seeing what happens along the way.

* * *

I stood at the crossroads between the road that led back to the apartment and the one that led up to where my sister was currently working in between missions. The scroll in my hand felt like a five-thousand ton piece of metal that I had to lug around without any other choice. I looked one way before glancing back down towards the administration building off in the distance. I'd considered turning away, forcing myself to simply look forward and attend to my mission, never once letting myself see my sister again until all was over and settled. I was convinced that would be the best path to take when I left the Nara compound.

Now, as I watched the normal civilians mill about without any idea that we were in a state of war, or soon completely would be, I wasn't so sure that was the best plan. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath before letting out a sigh.

No, I couldn't do it. I couldn't just leave and never attempt to see her one last time. Who knew? Maybe I'd die along the way. I was just a genin after all – a genin being sent on a mission that should have never been considered for someone of my age level. Who knew if I would ever see her again? Besides, who was to say that my sister wouldn't also be sent out into the field, risking her life for a goal we might never realize?

I slid the scroll into my inner vest pocket and walked down the street. My eyes caught the glint of a line of plastic boxes sitting on the counter at one restaurant, packaged and ready to be paid for and eaten. I paused before turning and walking over towards them. My eyes ran over them, taking in the sticks topped with three balls of pressed rice. When the elderly lady came to the window and smiled at me, my hand was already reaching for my purse. I unwound the thread tying it closed and pulled out two coins.

"Two, please," I requested, gently setting the coins on the counter for her to take.

"What flavor would you like?" she asked kindly.

I looked at the dango, my eyes watering slowly. "Mitarashi and kinako, please."

Anko had tried to get me to eat the sweet lately, but I had never much been interested. I hadn't had much of a craving for sweets in this life. I don't think I could appreciate them much, or perhaps it was my more mature mind pushing them aside, saying that I shouldn't eat them. She always wondered how I would know that I didn't like them if I hadn't ever tried them before, but it's not like I could ever tell her I actually had.

I took the plastic box holding the two skewers, thanked the woman, and turned away. The scroll brushing against my chest seemed to radiate a heat that wouldn't allow me to ignore it and I grit my teeth as I continued to walk forward. When my feet reached the administration building, I looked up at it, my eyes trying to take in everything I saw. For a moment, I wondered if I would be seeing it again. My shoulders slumped slightly before I took in a deep breath, righting my posture, and then moving forward again.

I walked into the building, taking the various turns necessary until I came up to a formidable looking door with the words "Torture and Interrogation" written across it. This wasn't the first time I had visited Anko at her work, but it was the first that I had come of my own volition, instead of because she'd demanded I see her about something. That hadn't happened too often, but, when it had, she'd been painfully pissed off at me. I don't recall those times as being particularly wonderful.

Without knocking, I opened the door to the spacious room, my hands holding the box of dango as if it were the most precious thing I had ever come across. I saw many people glance up with some interest, though none stood up as Inoichi and Morino Ibiki chose to ignore me. Inoichi, however, was kind enough to call out my sister's name, which did make me somewhat grateful. I didn't like coming down here if I could help it. It wasn't the fact that I wasn't that far away from mass murderers, rapists, traitors, and whatever, but the fact that it was just so damn cold in the room, and I wasn't referring to the temperature.

My sister seemed a little harried, but she didn't turn me away like she might have once upon a time. Anko looked down at me with a frown, something I knew demonstrated her concern. It was just as well – she knew I hated her place of work. I forced a smile to my face, something she saw through almost immediately. But, when I silently pointed to the forehead protector that now accompanied my fashion choice, her eyes widened first in appreciation before she seemed to look at me with something akin to sadness. With that, I knew she was well aware of what the Hokage had commanded, and she knew I was just as affected as she was. She just didn't know how much, and wouldn't until later tonight, when she went home to an empty home.

 _"One of these days, I'm going to come home to find no one waiting for me at all anymore."_

I never knew those words would come true so soon.

I showed her the box of dango.

"Eat with me?"

She looked at the box with complete surprise, and I only smiled wirily to show her I knew what she was thinking. This was a special occasion though. I could eat the tremendously sweet food this once, as cheers to her and what all she'd done for me up until this point. Anko nodded her head back up at the stairs, and I grinned at her. I suppose it must have been somewhat of a shock when I chose to take her hand – it was something I never did. I detested holding hands with anyone, or having my hands touched in any way by any other person. Anko paused with a moment of uncertainty, but gripped my hand tightly, but not too much so.

We walked all the way up towards the roof in silence, hand in hand. I looked at her hand as we walked. It was scarred from training, callused and rough, yet soft and gentle as the skin of most women tended to be. Her grip was strong and unyielding, yet warm and inviting. Her gait was slow and confident, but reeked of something dangerous, something to be cautious of. The back I saw whenever she walked ahead of me was large, shouldering a great responsibility, yet housed a body so small that I knew could break with the right amount of force.

My eyes took in every detail of the person I'd lived with for the past two years, the person I'd loved for the past six, though in different ways. I'd come to learn about this new Anko, the woman she was becoming as she grew up and redefined herself. I'd come to accept that she would never be the Anko I'd known before the whole Kyuubi mess, but that wasn't necessarily bad. I would always hold the memories of that younger Anko deep within my heart, but this Anko wasn't any worse or better than the one she'd been. She was just as kind and special in her own way, though I hadn't realized that at first. I ducked my head down as we continued climbing the steps.

I don't want to go.

We sat down at the edge of the roof, the two of us, side by side. My short legs dangled next to hers, and I realized just how small I was compared to her, and how much she symbolized to me as my older sister. Perhaps I was mentally older, but I had never dealt with the trauma inflicted on her. I was lucky in my past lifetime, a lifetime I found myself beginning to forget. My teeth clenched together.

I don't want to go.

We both took the dango that enticed us most, and I bit into the kinako-flavored one, the soybean flour covering my tongue as I tried to keep it off of my clothes. Anko sat quietly next to me, looking at the view we saw from the roof. I'd expected her to ask me how I felt about graduating early, about how I felt in concern to the war, but she never asked a thing. She never asked me many questions anymore about my actions, why I did what I did and why to the end I chose to do it until. It was something I wasn't quite sure how to take, this calm acceptance of hers.

That' s what it was: acceptance. Somehow, over the years, she'd chosen to just accept what I do and guide me if she could. I hadn't done anything near as comforting for her. My empty skewer fell towards my leg as I lowered it, my mood plummeting further.

"Everything's going to change again," my sister suddenly said wistfully.

"It will," I agreed quietly. _And not in a good way._

When I'd felt her gaze on me, I turned to look at her with a sad smile, and ran her hand through my hair locks. She brushed my bangs out of my eyes, and then drew her hand away. I had the oddest temptation to grab it back, and hold on so that nothing could separate the two of us.

Don't let them take me away.

My inner tumultuous thought went unheard and Anko turned back to look at the scenery. I watched her hand fall back onto her lap and forcefully ripped my gaze away from it. My hands trembled slightly around the plastic container before I felt it slide out of my grasp as my sister stood up. She gave me another smile, her expression seeming more open than I'd ever seen it before in public. Her caramel brown eyes seemed to be filled with a warmth that showered over me, trying to calm me, but for once, it just didn't work.

I don't want to leave you.

"A-Anko!" I stammered, rising up quickly as I almost reached for her, before holding myself back.

My sister turned around, eyebrows raised as she tried to wait for me to gather my thoughts. I opened my mouth once before shutting it. I tried again.

"I'm going to become the best ninja I possibly can and make you proud."

Can't you see? You're my sister, can't you see?

"Yeah," she replied. "I know you will."

I forced another grin to my face. "I'm heading home now."

Save me.

Save me.

 _Save me._

Anko gave me a smile I had never seen from her, something filled with promise and hope.

"I'll see you later then."

My heart ached at her words, but I gave her a wave and turned away.

 _I don't want to go._

* * *

I looked down at my bed from where I stood. My normal clothes were folded up neatly, my bed made and looking nicer than it had for two years. I shifted around, looking instead at the full-body mirror on the back of my bedroom door. My eyes, normally a rich hazel-blue, now looked back at me with a deep emerald-green. My hair that usually sported a lighter shade of purple in comparison to my sister was now jet black, leaving no trace of the color I' been blessed with at birth.

I wore a dark grey, heavy flak vest, with wide shoulders, and three scroll pouches on my chest, and metal clasps along my right side. There were also additional extra pockets on my left side, for places to put notes or other necessities. A sash wrapped around my middle, and my black pants billowed down until my ankles, where they were wrapped tightly with white tape. My black shinobi sandals were similar to the ones I'd had over the years, but I'd left that set at the door, set neatly as if nothing was awry. My fingerless gloves covered my palms, and I looked them over as well. My hands fell to the side as my shadowed eyes looked back up at my face, and then at the headband I wore on my head.

Instead of the wonderful, shiny, new hitai-ate I'd gained just hours ago, I looked at the foreign symbol of the land of Cloud. I slowly traced the symbol before my eyes fell to the floor.

What was I doing?

There was no more time left to think about it though. I gave my clothes on my bed one last glance before turning around and leaving my room. I shouldered the bag holding all of my gear, and turned my senses towards the kunai and shuriken holders attached to my thighs with tape. The pouches attached to my waistband felt cumbersome and more dangerous to my person than anyone else's, but I didn't bother to mess with them as I walked through the apartment.

I went towards my sister's room, breathing in the smell of her shampoo and the soap she used each day. This smell... I hoped I would never, ever forget it. A solitary picture on her dresser caught my attention, and I moved forward to look at it. It the two of us together at a restaurant we'd gone to for her sixteenth birthday. I'd given her a handmade necklace – she'd never had the opportunity to wear it over the months. It sat aside next to the picture frame. That had been the only picture we'd ever taken together. It very well could be the last.

My eyes narrowed slightly and I turned away again. My feet carried me through the next room, where I looked at the couch and remembered our many fights and spats, and then to the kitchen, where we had a number of food fights and times to bond. I tore my eyes away and continued forward, stumbling when I got to the foyer. I looked at my old shoes, lying there, as if waiting for me to turn around and go back in. My hand twitched before I once again turned away. As I rested my hand on the door, my other hand reached for the top of my head and pulled down a mask that covered my features, save for my hair.

The mask had nothing of interest on it – it was just plain white, just like my new existence. A blank slate to be written on or forgotten as necessary. I wasn't anything extraordinary, like ANBU, or Root. Even members of Root had codenames, ways to identify themselves. They had meaningful existences, even if they were ultimately tools to be used at the hand of another.

 _"You are nameless, a token child trained in the art of "_". You have no meaning, no real existence. You are easily replaced and are one of many. No one knows you are there, no one cares. You are nameless, but filled entirely with blame."_

It was a system Shikaku had learned of from one of the several Kumo shinobi they'd captured and taken for interrogation. The unfortunate part of the system was that most of these kids just died because they weren't trained well enough. Kumo hadn't gone the program off the ground enough for it to become very effective, and so it had died in recent years. Some people followed the old way, silently, carefully, without real notice. However, not even most of the people in Kumo agreed with the idea of throwing away children without a real cause. It was why Kumo had switched to the idea of bringing in other clans from different nations to build their strength for a faster, quicker, more deadly manner. It was a dead system, yet I...

I casted a genjutsu, replacing my current attire with how I normally looked – purple hair, hazel-blue eyes and all. I walked out of the apartment, closing it with a click. As I'd done for every day for the past two years, I walked down the corridor and outside, the moon glinting high in the sky. I glanced at it once before jumping down to the ground. My heart felt heavy as I ran over my mission parameters. Was this what he'd gone through?

My eyes turned to gaze at the administration building in the distance before I flickered away from the street and onto the nearest roof. There were no seals to slow my speed now. There was nothing holding me back. Inwardly, I cursed Shikaku.

My knees bent slowly before I raced forward, jumping from one rooftop to another until I'd reached the entrance. Just like earlier today, I walked down the many twists and turns towards the "Torture and Interrogation" room, my mind on the tantou at the small of my back. It reminded me of the one I'd given my sister just last year. How time had flown.

I forced my hands through seals in the empty corridor, feeling some of my chakra drain away as I turned invisible to the world. This is not what I'd ever wanted to use the technique for. I'd never planned to become this kind of person.

It was difficult to mask my chakra, especially as utterly frightened as I was. There was supposed to be something happening that would cover my presence, but –

My stance lowered immediately as soon as I felt the rolling of the floor as a large explosion occurred in a nearby area. I jumped up to the ceiling, attaching myself to it with chakra as several shinobi ran out of the room due to the alarm that sounded throughout the village. Flipping back down the moment I sensed most of them were gone, I fingered a couple of smoke bombs complete with sleeping powder in the pockets of my flak vest. Holding two in each hand, I slipped into the room, unsurprised to see several people still in there, holding the fort and waiting for the news. My eyes caught sight of my sister who was standing up, away from her seat, her eyes narrowed sharply as her hands clenched.

I wish she had saved me.

Without warning, I threw the bombs across the room, each one exploding and alarming every single shinobi in range. I saw each one look around wildly, trying to pinpoint the enemy, but I had no killer intent for them to detect. I swear, though, that Anko's eyes slowly turned to me, even as her pupils widened as the sleeping powder began to take effect. Her eyes burned right into mine, despite my genjutsu, and for a moment, I swear she knew. Then, like each one of the other shinobi, she fell to the ground, her face calm and peaceful as she slept.

I walked past them swiftly, leaping again to the ceiling to bypass any other shinobi I might come across. I scuttled across the ceiling, going in deeper and deeper into the dungeons that held all of the prisoners. The moment I found my two targets, the only ones still left alive, I fell down to the ground, my genjutsu finally fading away. When I stood up, the man in the cell glared up at me before frowning with some confusion. I pressed my hand against the seal containing the cage before muttering the correct phrase to free the lock. My hand opened the prison door as I stared at the man.

Uchimi, my captor from one month prior, looked back at me with something akin to disbelief. I turned my attention away and instead moved to the next cell, the one holding Souen. My eyes turned upward to the several pieces of pebbles falling from the ceiling. I could only assume there were a great number more explosions taking place. I needed to hurry.

I glared meaningfully at Uchimi and Souen both, holding out a kunai for the two of them to take. Then, as if I hadn't become their savior, I raced forward suddenly towards the exit. There was a bit of hesitation before I heard each of them close in on me, riding my curtails as we climbed the steps. The three of us burst into the room and, honestly, I'd hoped that no one had returned or woken up from their slumber. My hopes were dashed when I saw one man staring at all of his coworkers lying on the ground as if they were dead. My eye twitched as I sought to fight my inner turmoil, but I pulled out a couple of more kunai and dashed towards my target.

He saw me before I'd even taken a step, his hands already flying through seals.

"Suiton: Suiryuudan no Jutsu!"

I took in a deep breath and forced myself to dodge away from the large water dragon, my face contorting in pain as it scraped across my arm. I threw both of my kunai at the Konoha soldier, hardly surprised when he'd dodged them. My gaze flickered over at the two Kumo ninja as I clapped my hands together and slammed them into the water on the ground.

"Raiton: Hiraishin!"

I felt my body complain as chakra ripped out of me to the ground and formed tendrils of lightning that communicated across every bead of water. This hadn't been how I'd intended to use the technique, but I figured it would have to do when I saw the Konoha ninja yell out in pain as he was electrocuted. I let out a breath and bent down, readying myself to launch another attack when I saw Souen shift into motion.

"Raiton: Rakuraitsuu!" he shouted, diving forward and throwing a fist screaming with lightning straight at the man's chest, plowing it into him and making the man shudder violently with a thousand currents of electricity. I saw his eyes roll into the back of his head as he fell backwards, dead.

I hesitated only slightly, but forced myself to turn away and run into out of the room. Souen and Uchimi were right on my heels again, both seeming more determined as we reached the main halls of the administration building. With a grunt, I ripped a smoke bomb from my vest and threw it at the first Konoha ninja we ran into. She cried out in surprise, but only a gurgle continued escaping her lips as Uchimi did away with her life with incredible ease.

I jumped up and crashed through a window, opening our way to the outside world. I saw a flash of orange further along in the city where another explosion took place, and motioned for the two escapees to follow along after me. We dashed through the shadows, and I winced when I felt another explosion rip through the area. As I did, my two cohorts ran up the large wall separating the village from all else, and we were, of course, met with some resistance.

Sweat was beading down my face as four Konoha ninjas approached the three of us, and I clapped my hands together, inwardly wondering who would have the last blow I'd be capable of without a soldier pill. Uchimi must have sensed what I was trying to do, and from his mouth shot bullets of water, blasting and hitting the ground near each ninja, if not barely scraping them. I took in a deep breath, and shouted out,

"Raiton: Hiraishin!"

My body absolutely screamed this time as my chakra poured out of me, or maybe I was just hearing the vocal cries of my enemies – no, comrades? No, what were they right now?

Souen spun in the air and kicked one man off of the wall, sending him plummeting down to his death below. Uchimi slammed his one kunai into the chest of another, before blasting yet one more with another lightning jutsu. I raced around Souen, a kunai in my hand as I leapt up and plunged the kunai into the next man's chest. Blood spurt from his mouth, splashing onto my mask as I slowly backed away. I was already tired – I didn't have the chakra to vomit out all of these intense, high-powered techniques.

My eyes met up with Uchimi's, who gave me a nod. I gave him one in return before jumping off of the wall, flipping over and over until I crashed down on the ground, shudders of pain racing up my legs as I winced. The two men landed right beside me, and my mind flashed back toward the map I'd painstakingly memorized for hours. I stood up slowly, my shoulders tight as I turned myself to face a specific direction. I pushed myself forward, hearing them follow after me.

I reached into my lowest vest pocket and pulled out a brown pill, looking at it with a frown before quickly consuming it. Energy raced through me, filling me with power and a strength I wouldn't normally be able to access on my own. My speed increased as the three of us hopped from one branch to another. As we left Konohagakure behind us, I glanced back to see a number of explosions still taking place, and sent a silent thank you to the person who had covered my ass. There was no turning back for me anymore.

By the time we left the territory of the Land of Fire, I could already feel the two men with me slowing down. In a way, I had to hand it to them – they'd been locked up for a month, but had still managed to make it this far without dropping back. I looked back at the two of them, my energy still roaring strong from the pill. I wasn't ready to stop until we got further away, and I didn't feel safe being so close to the border. Yugakure may no longer have been an actual hidden village, and there was no way they knew who I was, but I was wound way too tightly to think that I was safe in any capacity.

I was antsy, but forced myself to sit still as we saved our strength along the bank of a stream deep into the forest. We didn't build a fire, despite how chilly it was. Not a single one of us knew if we had been chased, and if any hunter-nin were on our trail, the last thing we needed to do was alert them as to where we were. I looked at the two shinobi that I had risked my ass for.

You ruined my life.

I was a bit bitter.

After we'd rested for some time, Souen flashed me a tired grin, his weariness showing as he leaned forward. "Hey there, mystery person. Thanks for the save."

"It makes me wonder what your game is," Uchimi questioned darkly, his eyes glaring at me.

I straightened slightly and then stood up fully. "No game to play."

"Why did you save us?" he continued to question. "I'm not going to fall into whatever ploy you've got concocted."

I fished into my pocket for two more soldier pills, tossing one to each of them. I then pushed my mask up slightly, so they could see my face. I saw Souen's eyebrows raise in response as he let out a small whistle. I didn't bother to acknowledge him, instead facing Uchimi and pointing my thumb at the hitai-ate on my forehead.

"I simply had a role to play."

Uchimi seemed surprised before glaring at the mask on the top of my head. "You remind me of something, something that Kumo should have killed off by now. You shouldn't exist."

"I don't," I replied, mentally whispering the words for the genjutsu that would show them what I originally looked like.

To say they were stunned when they saw my appearance was putting things lightly. Souen gaped.

"You're...that kid we tried to get," he trailed off. "You were with Kumo the entire time? We never knew anything about that..."

I let the genjutsu fade as I turned away, pulling my mask down.

"There's a lot you don't know," I murmured before peering back at them. "Let's go."

Souen laughed as he came and clapped me on the shoulder. "You're a good sort. Glad I didn't fuck you."

I stared at his hand before shrugging it off and walking forward.

I didn't do this for you.

 _You ruined my life._

* * *

Yep. What's going to happen? I'll the story decide that.


	17. Chapter 17

I got twenty-four reviews for that last chapter. I'm incredibly surprised - thanks, guys.

Also, this is to Guest accounts specifically: first, thanks for reviewing. You guys are stellar. My only "gripe", so to speak, is that I wish you would label yourself with some kind of name to separate yourselves out from other guests. I'd like to respond to your comments if possible, because, if nothing else, I'd like to thank you personally for taking the time to read this, whether you enjoyed it or not. In any case, thank you all.

And, now my everyday rant: Why do I do this to myself?

* * *

A few kilometers outside of the large village that was Kumogakure, I fell to a stop, my feet sinking into the snow. Souen and Uchimi paused when they saw I was no longer moving forward, each one frowning – Uchimi with suspicion, and Souen with confusion. I closed my eyes and turned my head away.

"This is as far as I go."

Uchimi narrowed his eyes, marching forward and grabbing me by my flak vest. "I knew there was something off about you. You've led us into a trap, haven't you?"

I sighed. "I don't exist, remember? I had never intended to enter the village together with you. I was just here to guide you back safely."

At least, I wouldn't be taking the front door in. That would've been reckless, even for me.

Souen gave me another grin, with more bout of laughter to go with it. I was sick of hearing him talk – I'd heard it for the past near full week straight. I was also on edge because children were not supposed to take soldier pills, much less two of them. I needed to get someplace where I could collapse without concern for my well-being in the meantime.

"Well, we're here," Souen finally continued after falling silent. "That's far closer than we were not too long ago, Uchimi."

"This kid's up to something," Uchimi argued. "I don't trust her at all."

"I risked my life to get you out of Konoha," I murmured quietly to hide to my growing ire. "What do you possibly expect me to do to you now that I couldn't just have done when you were locked up?"

Souen clapped a hand on Uchimi's shoulder. "She's right. Let it go. We're here. Let's head home."

The other man continued to glare at me for a while longer before throwing me back and cracking his neck. "You'd best hope we never cross paths again, brat."

As Uchimi turned around, intent on forgetting we'd ever met, Souen gave a wink and a parting grin. I ignored him, only waiting around in the spot where I stood for the two to begin their trek back to the village. I soon lost track of them in the whiteness of the snow and the splashes of brown and green of all of the trees. I shifted my body around to face a different direction, a few beads of sweat running down my face as I breathed in and out more harshly than before. I took one step forward before feeling my body seize up from exhaustion and fell flat, right into the snow.

I clenched my hands into fists and pulled my arms closer to my body. With a grunt, I strained to push myself off from the ground, my eyes narrowed from the strenuous effort. My arms trembled and shook as all of my weight fell onto them, but I managed to reach a sitting position. I took a deep breath, counting to three before launching myself up to stand again. I clenched every one of the muscles I could to secure my standing position and then allowed them all to relax somewhat.

My eyes turned to look in the direction I needed to go, and it took some time before my body finally obeyed the command for it to begin moving again. Each step made my muscles ache, and each breath I took brought me yet one second closer to exhaustion, but I couldn't allow myself to fall unconscious just yet. I pushed forward through the snow – I didn't want to go up into the trees because I was afraid of falling off, and if I ever fell, there was no telling when, or rather if, I would be standing up again.

Trudging my way through the snow took more time and wasn't nearly as efficient, but it was just what I needed at the moment. If I ran into any Kumo ninja out for checking around the border, then I needed to save whatever energy for that moment of confrontation. Even with my better chakra control, – well, better than when I'd first started the academy – I highly doubted that I would be able to manage even my Fukashi no Kaze technique right now. I had hardly anything but my throwing experience to rely on, and that wasn't exactly my forté at all.

It took me another solid seven to eight hours of walking like that to get to my final destination, which really wasn't anywhere special at all. There were a great number of trees, a lot of snow, a cloudy sky... It looked about the same as all of the area I'd been walking through since the very beginning. For a moment, I dearly wished I had my mission scroll on me, but I'd burnt it up as clearly directed. I kept looking around tiredly, but wasn't sure what I was supposed to be looking for in the first place.

My hands fell on my hips as I finally began to give up, and it was only then that I felt the hair on the back of my neck begin to rise as I felt someone's gaze on me. I felt my shoulders stiffen and gritted my teeth as I forced myself around, a kunai suddenly in my right hand. I looked up into the tree where a man complete in a white cloak that covered most of his body, all the way down to his ninja sandals. I grunted as I shifted a step back, but the man merely stared at me before jumping down to land in front of me.

"So, you're the one," he said in greeting, making me tense and take another couple of steps backwards.

I frowned. "The call of a raven..."

"...Brings with it a death swifter than the fastest kunai," the man finished. "In lieu of the rising sun..."

"...The moon, instead, will rise and cast a light for all those bathed in darkness," I said, completing the phrase. I grimaced – those were the set passwords to say in this situation, but I wanted to make certain. "Redness means not the end..."

The man rolled his eyes. "Suspicious, little thing, aren't you?"

I stayed silent and glared at him, raising the hand wielding my kunai higher.

"Fine," he muttered. "Redness means not the end, but simply the truth of weakness and failure. Happy?"

"No," I admitted irritably. "I'm tired. I'm cold. I want the hell out of here."

He pointed back behind him. "The base is this way, just a few kilometers out."

My armed hand fell to my side as I slid my kunai back into its holder. "I won't be making it that far anytime soon."

My contact merely stared at me with an unreadable expression. "How many soldier pills did you take?"

"Two."

He grunted. "You're a stupid child. That would normally mean your death. I don't know what the hell that man was thinking, sending a greenie like you out for this. What a waste of resources and time."

I blinked slowly, my exhaustion taking hold of me as felt my legs slacken and send me shooting down to the ground. The man came up to me and I stared up at him, my eyes narrowed but unable to really take in much detail anymore. He tapped a finger against my skin, right underneath my forehead protector.

"Sleep."

* * *

I dreamt again. This time, I was in some kind of building, looking outside at the rolling fields of green grass that went as far as the eye could see. I was sitting down in front of a pane of glass, my eyes open wide, clearly taking in my surroundings. I looked to my left where my sister, Anko, sat next to me, her eyes shadowed. She didn't try to look at me even once, her eyes focused on the outside, a part of the world neither of us seemed able to access. I turned away from the window, looking at the wonderfully decorated interior. It was as cozy here as it felt in the home I shared with Anko, only bigger with more room to spread out.

I moved to grasp my sister's hand, and she finally turned her attention to me, as if suddenly realizing that I had been there with her the whole time. She stared at me for some time, but eventually shifted her gaze back outside at the green plains. I flicked my eyes over to look outside as well, though I couldn't say I was wholly interested. Grass was grass, and it was everywhere in the world, practically. Sure, Suna didn't have much to offer as far as that was concerned, but most everywhere else had that piece of nature.

"Let's go sit on the couch," I suggested to her, but she only turned her somewhat empty gaze back at me.

I pointed at the couch in the living room, saw her look in that direction, but then turn that empty expression back towards me.

"What couch?" she asked blankly, sounding somewhat confused.

My immediate response was to hesitate at the question. I didn't know what she meant. When I pointed out the couch again, she once again informed me she had no idea of what I was talking about at all. Finally growing fed up with her attitude, I pulled hard on her hand and dragged her after me up to the couch. She followed along obediently, but only continued staring ahead of herself absently with an expression that denoted she wasn't completely all there. I went behind her and pushed her into the leather couch, and for the first time since I'd seen her at the window, her eyes seem to clear and she stared up at me with surprising intensity.

Anko looked as if she was going to get up off the couch and do something, but she paused and looked at the couch warily. Her caramel brown eyes flickered around her at her surroundings, and then she closed her eyes, almost as if in resignation. Admittedly, I was somewhat confused by her actions, and looked around myself at all of the décor, though I wasn't as taken in by it all as she seemed to be.

A hand suddenly grabbed my wrist, and I, surprised, quickly turned to look back at her. Her arm was trembling before she glared up at me and fiercely dragged me forward, pushing me again the couch right beside her. Then, as with years previously, grabbed hold of both of my shoulders. Her eyes stared straight into mine with a ferocity I hadn't seem from her for a while.

"You shouldn't be here!" she scolded me with urgency. "What are you doing here?"

"I live here?" I questioned, tilting my head. "We live together, remember?"

Anko's eyes widened a small fraction before her head bowed and appeared to tremble. "I never wanted you to ever come here..."

I stared at her, a little bit of fear digging its way into my heart. "What are you talking about?"

"I never noticed..."

I saw something drop from her face and land on the cushion with a small splash. Then, another fell, and another. I never saw her face when she wrapped her arms around me tightly, as if to hold on for her dear life and never let go. Her grip became so tight that I began to have trouble breathing. I grunted out her name questioningly, wondering where this sudden need for physical touch came from. Anko had never been much of a touchy-feely person, even with me. I could count on one hand the number of times she'd ever hugged me to display her love for me. She showed her love through other actions – touching wasn't necessary. For that reason alone, I was somewhat at a loss of what to do.

Anko finally relaxed her grip, but she never did let go of me fully.

"This isn't over," I heard her promise, vehemence, fury, and hatred lining her voice. "I won't let it end like this."

I touched her shoulders gently, trying to push her away without hurting her emotionally.

"Don't worry," I told her. "Everything'll be fine."

"No," she whispered back, her reddened eyes finally lifting to meet mine. "Not anymore. Nothing will be."

At those words, I felt a sharp ache in my chest.

* * *

When I came to again, I found myself swathed in darkness. I had been undressed as far as the pair of shorts and undershirt I wore beneath all of my other clothing. I sighed, rubbing my face with a hand as I thought of what to make for breakfast. I wondered if Anko was already cooking something up in the kitchen, but I couldn't smell any tantalizing aromas, nor could I hear the clanging and banging of any pots and pans. I groaned to myself before pushing myself out from under the covers. My feet hit against a cold, hardwood floor, which confused me for a moment. I wondered where my carpet mat had gone off to. At this, my chest seemed to ache something fierce, but I couldn't understand why.

For a moment, Anko's face came to my mind, and I blinked back tears. My hand reached up to rub my forehead, and I wondered if I was starting to suffer from PMS already – I'd thought I'd have another six years or so, at least before dealing with that version of hell again. I walked across the room, flicking on a switch and watching the room suddenly flood with light. Blinking a few times, I looked around for my dresser so I could get changed. That was when I saw it.

The outfit hanging on a hook on the wall stared back at me unabashedly, and suddenly, memories of the past couple of months raced back into my mind, unbidden and unwelcomed. With a jolt, I slammed back into the present, my body falling to the unrelenting floor as emotions swarmed me. My eyes grew teary and my hands slapped at the ground as I blinked rapidly.

Just like that, I remembered beginning the mission assigned to me by my jounin instructor Shikaku. I remembered breaking out the prisoners from jail, fighting my way out of Konoha, my home, and escaping with the two people who were the ones to essentially start this entire mess. I recalled meeting Kenichi, a longtime contact of Shikaku, and someone who had been in Kumo's ranks for a long while now. It was this man, a fearsome person in his own right, who had suggested the idea of using a system long since abandoned to start this farce of an infiltration mission. It was he who had resigned me to never again seeing my home.

I'd been here for a couple of months already, but I'd never actually visited the village of Kumogakure even once. Because Shikaku had never had any time to train me, Kenichi took it upon himself to enlighten me of every part of the current politics within Kumo, as well as the important figures and places. He taught me of the two jinchuuriki, Killer Bee and Nii Yugito, and how they currently ranked in power and strength. I was then specifically told that I was to never go near either one of them, no matter what happened.

I remember protesting to never actually going out and seeing what was happening for myself, but the man immediately slapped that idea out of my mind. No, literally, he physically slapped me.

 _"You go out there, and all that's going to happen is your quick and immediate death."_

I'd glared at him that day. _"This is an infiltration mission, but I'm just sitting here, rotting away. I can't even leave this area."_

 _"Let's get this straight, greenie,"_ Kenichi had said, looking at me dismissively, _"you're only here because it's more convenient and easier to explain away. You think a newbie like you, fresh out of the academy, is actually going to go out there on your own and work some magic? No, brat, you're nothing. You mean nothing. You're an insignificant insect, a pawn on the board of a chess game bigger than you could ever grasp."_

 _"What about my teammates?"_ I'd asked with no small amount of irritation. _"Where do they fit into this? Are they coming out here to meet you, too?"_

 _"What teammates?"_ he'd asked, stroking his unshaven chin.

I'd narrowed my eyes, but he'd only shaken his head. _"You're it, toots."_

 _"I thought we were all working together for reconnaissance."_

 _"They may be doing reconnaissance, but I can guarantee you it's nowhere near the actual village. I told you: newbie genin are useless to missions like this. They're too fragile and prone to spontaneous combustion. Plus, you'd all die and then we'd have to find other means to achieving something that should have been simple in practice."_

 _"Then what am I doing here?"_

Kenichi had smiled, though it'd only looked predatory, evil, and cold to my eyes.

 _"I've been here for a while, but I recently got caught and had to get out of dodge before they caught onto me for sure. That means, I have no real way of keeping an eye out the current situation, so Konoha can't really move and make solid plans. That's where you come in, brat."_

 _"I don't think I'm going to like what you're about to say."_

 _"You're what, five?"_

 _"Six. Technically."_

 _"Right. Perfect. Hey, you'll be right there with all those other brats. Hope you make a lot of friends."_

Oh. Right.

That's why I'd hung up the clothes. Honestly, I was supposed to have sealed them away, but I hadn't brushed up on that part of fuuinjutsu just yet, so I couldn't do that at the moment. Bah, I'd have to do that later. I turned back to look at the one room apartment, complete with the tiniest kitchen I'd ever laid eyes on. It was small, but just enough for me, a supposed young, little academy student fresh from the orphanage. It amused me somewhat that I was practically in the same position I'd been two years ago, but I wondered if Shikaku had planned for that, as well. I very well knew how lonely life in the orphanage could be, and there was enough poverty in Kumo that the number of parentless or abandoned children rang so high that it wouldn't be unreasonable for a few or so to slip through the cracks.

Kenichi had gotten me into the city through a hidden tunnel, and had called in a favor under a different name to get me my new residence, but now, I was on my own. I wouldn't be seeing that guy for another number of months, or unless I fucked up somehow. Honestly, though, I think the thing that irked me the most about my current situation was how I'd had to get locked up into it.

I gazed down at my hands, a frown marring my face. I'd killed fellow shinobi for the sake of getting here, and had broken out two people I would've rather had seen terminated. I couldn't understand what the reasoning behind that was. I understood now, after the sixth beating from Kenichi, that I was in no position to try attending to the mission on my own in any other capacity – I just wasn't experienced enough. However, what had been the point of the mask, the outfit, the secrecy, everything? For what reason had I essentially "died" in my real home and been "born" here in Kumo?

Whatever. There was time for reflection later, but for now, I had to get ready for my first day of school, again. And this time, I'd have to build a reputation for myself from scratch. Kenichi hadn't told me whether to lie low or to acquire some notice by showing a good deal of proficiency here and there. Both had their pros and cons. If I hid most of my true abilities, I'd be able to sneak around and see what was going on, and people would ignore me whenever I went "snooping" around. I'd miss a lot of information up top though. I wasn't very good at branching out, making a lot of friends, and becoming popular, gaining information that way.

Then again, I could always take the dumber path and make myself a well-known figure. If I made myself well-known, important people might start taking notice of me, which would clear the way for more advanced training and options. After all, I was without a family, and young at that – I was obviously impressionable, and could be molded into a better weapon for the future. The pros for this path, of course, were that I could gain insight of the tensions within the village, see what was really happening up top, and be taken seriously if I chose to try to understand my surroundings. The evident flaw of this route, however, was that as a high-profile character, I wouldn't be able to get away with much, and people might start sniffing around, trying to figure out things about me. That could land me in some hot water, especially if they really started looking into my history. As an orphan, it was expected they wouldn't find much, but if those two prisoners I saved ever had a say in anything...

As I pulled on my heavy, long-sleeved shirt and tied a sash around my waist to keep it secure, I tilted my head. When I considered my personality, I knew what choice would be easiest for me to work with, but I wondered if it was actually a good idea to go with that. If I made a mistake, would I be able to get out of Kumo with my head attached? I wondered how far ahead Shikaku had thought of the scenario and what he had expected me to do in turn. Had he assumed I would go around, guns blazing and causing chaos everywhere, or did he think I would reflect on his words and take the lesser, but safer path?

Ugh, I wasn't even sure what _I_ wanted, much less others. I would just have to take it one step at a time.

I approached the door, fiddling with dark-grey pants. There just weren't enough pockets in comparison to my normal wardrobe. I opened the door and closed and locked it behind me. Walking down the corridor to the outside, I opened that door, sunlight striking me hard enough to make me bow my head and close my eyes. After a few blinks, I grew accustomed enough to leave the apartment area and head out into the brilliant day light. There was still some snow left on the ground, but not a ridiculous amount for April.

I lifted my foot and placed it on the railing that went around the apartment complex. I looked down first at the many houses and buildings on the ground before turning my gaze up to the spiraling, tall infrastructures that Kumo was well-known for. It was strange being in a village like this, a place that was surrounded by mountains and forced to adapt to the lack of decent foundation.

I stepped back, my now green eyes looking around me as I judged the quickest way to get to the academy. It was fortunate that the building was on ground level so all children would be able to access it. Instead of jumping down like I'd have preferred, I took the long way around, my shinobi sandals clacking against the wooden steps as I went down. The moment I reached ground level, I was taken aback by all of the general liveliness of the village people, both civilian and shinobi alike. For some reason, I'd always thought of Kumo like a North Korean settlement, where there was little freedom available for normal people and where the high-ranking soldiers controlled all.

As a bunch of other kids around my physical age brushed past me, their giggles and laughter ringing out throughout the air, a sudden thought that this village hardly seemed any different from mine struck me with impressive impact. That made my position even odder – I wasn't very good at dehumanization.

I looked up to see a few shinobi, both female and male alike, staring at me with some kindness, smiles on their faces. I wondered how I looked to them and I returned their stares, my head tilting slightly. Then, after a few moments, I walked forward, heading to where the academy was, the location burned into my mind as if with branded there with fire. I moved with confidence and purpose as I normally did – I knew where I needed to go, even if I didn't know what would happen once I arrived there. There hadn't been pre-exam here, after all. It seemed like Kumo took in relatively anyone. I suppose that if the students failed somewhere along the way, that was a real shame, but Kumo was not about to turn away potential ammo fodder.

I walked into the academy alongside several other children, a glance at the board outside telling me exactly where I needed to go. When I arrived at the classroom, I took the seat at the very back of the classroom at one table, my eyes constantly looking to and fro at the happily playing children that just looked excited to be present for the first day of school. Well, technically, it wasn't their first, but eh, they were only seven-years-old, or around therein. As the room began to fill up more, people began migrating to the back of the classroom because the front was completely full.

A cute, little dark-haired girl came in quietly, her eyes downcast. She caught my interest immediately, though for what reason, I wasn't sure. Her navy-blue eyes looked around to see where there was an open seat left. I saw her avoid sitting herself near a few boys, and inwardly sighed. That's right, this age was the one where kids were all squeamish about being near the opposite sex, wasn't it? I'd never gotten that even when I'd _really_ been this age. Japan had made me want to tear my hair out sometimes with the separation of genders for _everything_.

The girl seemed to give up, venturing to the back of the classroom shyly. She looked at an open table, but apparently had no desire to sit by herself. Almost as if seeming a little uncertain, she bit her bottom lip and then slowly turned to me. Her blue eyes glanced at me, as if asking for permission. Squashing the need to roll my eyes, I gave a small nod, gesturing to the seat. She sat down, her hands in her lap as she pushed her shoulders back and looked forward. My eyebrows rose at the action, and I again wondered exactly what it was about this kid that had taken my interest so quickly.

At this point, our instructor came walking in, her dark-brown skin seeming to glow as she smiled at us. She opened her mouth to give a spiel similar to the one I'd received back in Konoha, and I longed to bury my head in my arms. Why was I going to school like this for the _third_ time in a row?

There were apparently new additions to the class, like myself, and so each student stood up to give a brief speech about themselves. When the order finally came around to the back, the child next to me stood up, holding her head up as high as could, although I could see the trembling of the fist she kept at her side.

"My name is Itou Mizuki. I look forward to making everyone's acquaintance."

I froze, my gears and cogs in my mind unable to continue churning as I heard her surname. No, but, no way. There had to be a ton of Itous in this village, right? It had to be a common name. My luck couldn't be that shitty, could it?

I felt the stares of other people on me, and shoved my new realization to the back of my mind as I stood up. I stared down at my right hand resting against the tabletop before slowing adjusting my posture and looking up at all of the curious, yet somewhat bored stares of the children.

This was a new life. I had to be different.

I attempted a small smile.

"Murakami Shinrai. May we all get along splendidly."

* * *

So, the music of the day for this particular chapter was: "Bells of Notre Dame". Goddamn, I love that song. Movie was meh, but the opening song and reprise? Pure genius. See you for the next installment!


	18. Chapter 18

Right, so, here's yet another chapter for you guys. Oh yeah, anyone wanna make a cover art for this? Lol It's not even that popular yet, and I'm already wanting fan art. Whatever. Gimme.

* * *

I smoothed down the tag a bit further before replacing the tile. My hands went through a number of seals before I softly clapped them together, making sure the fuuinjutsu accurately keyed into my chakra signature. I was not looking forward to the day I would have to release the technique, but that would be months upon months down the road, hopefully. These tags had been the one of the dual purposes for me to be in Kumo at the moment, considering hardly anyone would pay any attention to a snot-nosed brat. I could get away with it, but hiding each tag in a position where it wouldn't be discovered by anyone was difficult, because, again, as a child, I had zero clearance to get into anyplace at all.

I rose up slowly, my breath easing out of my mouth as I leaned against the wall. I could only manage one of these tags a day, and needed time in between to recharge naturally. My head throbbed slightly and I grimaced, lifting one hand to rest against my temple in a useless effort to alleviate the pain.

"Shin-chan, you're still not done?" I heard from outside in the hallway.

With a sigh, I shook my head and pushed on the toilet handle with my foot. The door swung open at my touch and I slowly walked out, glancing out the exit to see my most recent and ongoing headache make a smile the moment I showed my face. I turned away from her and focused on washing my hands, although I'd never technically done anything while in the stall. Well, nothing that anyone else needed to be aware of.

As soon as I'd finished, I walked towards where she was waiting for me, my hands still dripping wet. She opened her mouth to say something but I just flicked my fingers at her, making her sputter indignantly. Drops of water slipped down her cheeks as she glared at me with those lovely navy-blue eyes of hers. Her hands slapped at the beads of water as she tried to dry her face. I just gave her a wry smile.

"Finished," I told her with a bit of sarcasm.

"I noticed," she grumbled, still glaring at me. "What took you? Did you marry the toilet or something? You're always in there for so long."

I chuckled. "Ah, the joys of being a woman. You'll understand when you're older."

"Yeah, right," she muttered, grabbing my hand. "We're going to be late for sparring practice, thanks to you."

Even after all of this time with her, I still felt an immediate desire to hastily pull away from her grasp. Little children, I've rediscovered, like to touch. A lot. I have gotten very, very tired and very, very sick of other children attempting to hug me or hold my hand to show their friendliness or a sense of camaraderie. Were I Mitarashi Hotaru of Konoha, I would've pushed them away from me, snapped at them, given them some kind of reason to leave me alone. I'd never had any such problem in my village because of everyone's feelings towards Anko. Now, though, I was just an orphan named Murakami Shinrai, and was hardly any different from any other child here.

I greatly resisted the impulse and forced my mouth into a smile. "Hey, what's the rush? We've still got ten minutes or so, don't we?"

She frowned at me. "Yeah, ten minutes ago. Now, we're late."

I just shrugged and let her drag me down the hallway and outside into the training arena. It was _way_ bigger than Konoha's for the academy students, and I could definitely see the difference in attitudes towards the children's training. Whereas Konoha focused on growth and well-being, as well as a suitable understanding in general knowledge, Kumo was far more militaristic in their teaching approaches. For one, all students over Level One (new entrants), were to participate in morning and evening exercises. April's morning exercise for my year had been leapfrogging over classmates to utilize chakra and maximize muscular aptitude. Students would leapfrog over a specific number of students and finish their turn with target practice to better accuracy when in less-than-pleasant situations. The evening exercise involved strength building by doing a certain number of push-ups and then carrying heavy boxes full of some ridiculous amount of material around the yard for a full lap.

May's line-up was different, and so is this month's. Regardless, I found that as far as the academy itself was concerned, Kumo's was way stricter and tougher. If Kurenai and Anko hadn't been such hard-asses, I might've found myself breaking a sweat with the labor. As it was, I was finding it difficult to pretend I was a normal seven-year old. I just couldn't do it. So, to ease my stress, I allowed myself to perform well during the exercises, and in return, I chose to be lackluster in something else.

Mizuki stopped pulling me once we were lined up with everyone else, and our instructor gave us a frown of disapproval. I gave her a small smile of apology, though she had already turned her gaze away from us.

"All right, everyone," Nozomi-sensei. "We'll start the afternoon off with a round of sparring matches. But, today will be a bit different."

I heard some kids here and there start murmuring, wondering what was going to happen.

Nozomi-sensei gave us a rare smile. "As with every year, we will have a guest speaker who will both watch the matches and personally give each and every one of you advice on how to better yourselves. Our guests happens to do this every year, if not on a mission, and this year, it is your turn to hear such wisdom."

I found myself looking around automatically, trying to figure out who would be watching over us today. Many other students were doing the same, their eyes wide and curious. I felt my eyes narrow as I realized I couldn't tell out any stranger in the immediate area.

"Where is he?" one boy said, still looking around. "I don't see anyone."

A girl bumped shoulders with the boy, her face stern as she corrected him: "What do you mean, 'he'? She could be a girl, you know."

"Because everyone knows boys are cooler than girls!" he declared. "Obviously, it's going to be a guy!"

"You're about as cool as a squirrel!" the girl insisted. "I bet it'll be a girl!"

The moment they began bickering for real, I tuned them out. Admittedly, I was growing warier with every passing second now that I realized I might be being watched. If it was for the matches though, I doubted the person would pick up anything telling, but now I realized I had to be on my guard even more. The first month in Kumo had been bad enough – even though Kenichi had pushed me to reorient myself with the different taijutsu style, I kept finding myself intuitively switching back to my normal style without thinking about it. Konoha and Kumo's styles were so different, that it was difficult hiding a fierce, unrelenting punch and transforming it instead into a swift, slow-forming one. Whereas Konoha was inflexible, fixed and a force with an explosion geared towards the finish, Kumo was always flowing, changing, and then ending with a strike that guaranteed a kill, like lightning.

I only hoped this person who was watching wasn't actually all that important in the long run. Who was I kidding? With my luck, he or she probably was.

Nozomi-sensei allowed all of her students a brief moment to chat excitedly amongst each other before finally stepping in again. "Let us first begin the two matches with our top female and male students: Rai Shizuka versus Banou Kanou, and Takada Ryuu versus Inaba Haruto. If all four of you would move to your sides of the arena, then we'll get started."

I slid my hands in my pockets, paying close attention to these four fight. By no means were their fights at all interesting or worthy of my attention, in my opinion, but they were by far the best out of the entire class. I only decided to watch because it helped to understand exactly how much the best kids in my year knew, and how well they could perform. Any techniques I saw, if not something learnt from their clan, was free for me to use however I chose. The speed the two students fought with marked my glass ceiling that would hopefully not shatter anytime soon. Their jumps, their aim and accuracy, their every movement specified how well I would be able to fight myself without drawing suspicion.

I frowned. I hated sparring matches.

The girls' bout ended with Kanou trouncing her opponent, but not without repercussion. I saw sweat trailing down her cheeks and her chest heaving from exertion. Kanou, however, had taken painstaking care not to cause too much pain for her opponent as Shizuka was up and moving not too long afterwards. The boys, on the other hand, had been desperate to prove who was stronger, and Haruto ended up lying flat on his back on the ground, one eye turning dark red from being punched, and his shirt covered with blood from his bloody nose and mouth. I could hardly say I was surprised, but Ryuu usually showed more restraint than that.

As soon as the four kids were off the ground and walking back to the group, Nozomi-sensei came back to the front and center, her clipboard in hand.

"Excellent matches, you four," she praised before turning to all the rest of us. "I hope you all learned something from watching them fight and I look forward to the next matches. Now, for the girls' side..."

I didn't hear my name called and promptly ignored the matches. I knew what my limits were now, and no longer cared to focus on the other children. I instead turned my attention elsewhere, trying to extend my reach of sensing to see where our mysterious watcher was. I focused on the trees surrounding the arena, but couldn't feel anything out of the ordinary. I instead turned to the roof of the school, but that was difficult without me actively looking upwards physically. I couldn't sense anything up there either.

My focus was disrupted when a hand grasped my shoulder and shook me back and forth, much to my displeasure. I bit back an irritated response when I saw Mizuki looking at me happily, her hair a little messy and dirt all over her.

"What?" I said, not quite able to push back all of my annoyance.

Her smile slipped some before sliding back into place easily. "I won my match!"

My eyebrows rose. Well, that was...good, I guess? Truthfully, I really didn't care.

"Good for you," I replied, wondering if I could get back into the zone I'd achieved earlier. It wasn't as if I'd been close to a breakthrough though.

Mizuki fell silent at that, her eyes shifting down as she looked at the ground. I noticed her good mood plummet and felt frustration flow through me. I hadn't had any part in her success, so why did I have to act as happy about it as she was? I couldn't simply let it end like this, though, so I touched her shoulder gently and pulled away. Her eyes rose up to meet mine, and I mustered a smile.

"I meant it," I told her. "Good for you. You worked hard."

She stared at me some before I saw her entire expression light up with happiness. I wondered what was so wrong with her that a few words from me could change her mood completely.

I shook my head, knowing my concentration was shot to hell now. My eyes found the two girls currently sparring, and maybe this was a tad cruel of me, but I simply couldn't see them as doing anything but bouncing around, swatting their hands a bit and making the occasional squeal. It wasn't the sound of a fangirl squealing or anything, but just sounds that I didn't feel were all that necessary to make. If they had enough time to do that, they had enough time to instead concentrate and attempt to take out their opponent.

I scoffed to myself. Neither Anko nor Kurenai had ever given me the chance to do much more than _try_ to evade, or _try_ to get the hell out of dodge. I say "try", because I never actually managed any such feat. If these girls had ever had to experience what I'd experienced, this would be nothing short of child's play.

I kept waiting for one of them to execute the final punch or kick that would end the tediousness, but it never came. Both of the girls found themselves at a standstill, neither allowing the other to better them, and too stubborn to allow themselves to fall.

 _Just finish the other girl off already_ , I thought inwardly, before frowning at myself.

I'd noticed my latest penchant for being irritable and impatient, even more so than usual, but this was ridiculous. I guess I just wanted to pound them all into the ground and show my supremacy for once. The urge had been strong at the start, but now it just kept building up within me to the point that I had to force myself to not snap at anyone.

I hated acting like someone I wasn't. I hated not having anyone to rely on in this stupid place. I hated that my only family now probably thought I was dead to the world, never to stand and walk again. More so than anything else, I hated having to repeat anything in my life. I didn't like repetition. Going through academy the first time had been bad enough, but it had only been two years, and I'd genuinely learnt new things. Now, it was just repetitive, doing the same things over and over, relearning the same material over and over, acting as if I didn't know what the fuck chakra was, and goddamn it, if they told me that I threw my punches wrong _one more time_...

 _Cool it_ , I chastised myself. _This is your mission. It's your_ mission _. It's your goddamned mission and..._

Fuck you, Shikaku.

I lifted my fist up to my mouth and bit down on it hard enough to draw blood, one of the only few ways that I had that would keep me grounded and not have me explode randomly. The pain brought me back to reality, even if only temporarily.

 _Damn, but I wish I could spar someone for real. I just want to go all out._

I hadn't even used any of my jutsu for months. They were crying out to me, begging to be utilized just like my weaponry. I clapped a hand to my face, refocusing on the fact that the sparring matches had ended and it was now my turn.

I needed an outlet, and soon, or I was going to commit an act that might ruin everything – like beating down every damn child I saw that came within a meter of me.

I had issues. But, hey, the first step was admittance, right?

"Sakajima Noa versus Murakami Shinrai, and Nobunaga Katsuo versus Nakano Tetsuo," our teacher announced, making eye contact with each one of us.

Mizuki patted me on the shoulder to show her support and I just barely resisted shrugging her off. I walked across the field, coming to a stop and turning to look at my opponent whose eyes peered at me without even the slightest waver. I lifted my gaze to the sky, breathing in slowly as I readied myself for what I needed to do, despite it being the exact opposite of what I dearly desired to do. As soon as I counted down from ten, I let my gaze fall back on my opponent, who had begun glaring at me at some point.

Nozomi-sensei frowned at me. "Are you ready to begin?"

The boys had been waiting on me to get my shit together as well. I kept myself from shrugging haplessly and squared my shoulders as I looked at the other girl fully. She slid smoothly into a fighting stance, so smoothly I was almost impressed. She must've been one of the kids in the higher percentage, or maybe she was from a clan?

Noa leveled her gaze at me. "I will not lose."

"Of course you won't," I responded with what I thought was a gentle smile.

Her features morphed into an expression of anger, and I realized my words could be taken the wrong way. I hadn't intended for that to happen since I'd thought everyone had known I'd lost every single sparring match since the beginning of the school year. I guess she hadn't gotten the memo.

Noa rushed forward, her arm blazing through the air with a quick jab that I just shifted my head away from. Another punch, another evasion. She followed up with a decent backwards spinning high kick and I let her foot sweep up in front of me, just moving barely enough to not get caught, but not enough for anyone to really tell that I wasn't having trouble. She began launching one attack after another after that, and I dodged each one, my attention on her waning as I retreated inwardly.

 _Speaking of clans_ , I thought as I slipped around her stance and came to stand right behind her, _I actually do think there's a Sakajima clan somewhere. Come to think of it, yeah, it was pretty big. It's a wonder I hadn't noticed her earlier._

"Stop jumping around," Noa yelled out, her next fist racing forward to an empty space where my head had originally been.

"If you expect me to just stand around and let you punch me, you're deluded," I muttered, ducking down to the ground before pushing off of it and shifting back a ways.

Her punch met my block. _What was it the Sakajimas were well known for again?_

She spun and threw a kick that I parried. _Yeesh, she's like a Kumo Uchiha._

A knife hand swept down from overhead that I caught in between my hands before pushing her away. _Oh well, as long as I can keep her at bay for now, that'll save me some face, I suppose. I really don't want to take one of her punches. Sensei will call the match at some point, I'm sure._

Regardless of how much I've been brutalized during training before, a punch to the face was still a damned punch to the face, and it _hurt_.

All of a sudden, I felt a distinct and abrupt sharpening of someone's chakra, and I zoomed straight out of my musings. My hands automatically blocked and parried my opponent's blows as I tried to sense where I'd felt the chakra. It had to be that mysterious person that was supposed to be observing us for the day.

 _Where'd that spark come from?_

I ducked under another punch, almost feeling desperate to solve my current mystery. I reached out with my senses as far as I could, but I wasn't picking up anything. Had I just imagined the event?

I felt another flare of chakra and my body stiffened as I swiveled my eyes around to stare over at the roof of the academy. There! The person was there! I was sure of it! Now I just needed to –

Noa's punch slammed right into my face, sending me tottering back a few steps. I could feel the immense surprise racing through my mind as I stared back blankly at the girl who now looked at me smugly. For a minute, I felt everything stop, and I lifted a hand to my face to hide my expression. Then, as if a whip had been cracked, humiliation and fury surged through my body.

I slowly raised my gaze up to stare at her piercingly, my teeth gritted as my fury took hold.

You, fucking, little, _BRAT_!

I stood up to full height, glaring at her with every ounce of rage I could muster. So the little fucker thought she had me now?

 _You're DEAD!_

I don't know what she saw in my expression, but for a moment, her smirk dropped completely from her face and I saw a tinge of fear as she paled somewhat. Then, almost as if she was forcing herself to ignore the imminent threat that I promised to be, Noa slid back into her fighting stance and raced forward. When her fist reached me, I grasped her wrist with one hand, ready to send a chakra-enhanced kick that would either break her ribs if I didn't let go, or send her crashing into the faraway fence if I did choose to.

I lifted my leg, my center of gravity automatically sinking as chakra roared and hummed as it gathered within my muscles. I launched it straight at her before I felt yet another flare of chakra break through my anger, and it felt like a bucket of ice-cold water had been thrown over me, drenching me and leaving me shivering.

I stared into the wide, fearful eyes of the _seven-year-old child_ that I was about to _nearly kill_ , or at least fucking _maim_. My heart pounded hard within my chest as I released the chakra in my foot and let go of her wrist. I pushed her away for distance as I sought to get my emotions under control. Dismay flooded my mind and, not for the first time, I once again reminded myself that I needed a way, _any_ way to get rid of all the stress I'd built up recently.

Noa never moved from her spot on the ground, too absorbed in watching my every movement like a frightened rabbit. She'd seen her death coming, or at least something that ensured extreme pain, and I'd probably given her a good dose of killing intent as well. I stared down at her, my mouth firming and tightening as I realized I needed to get a grip on myself. I turned away from her and just walked away, feeling as if I'd just eaten something more bitter than anything on Earth.

Nozomi-sensei's voice reached me easily. "The match isn't finished yet, Murakami."

I frowned, but didn't make eye contact with her.

"I give up," I announced clearly before pushing past the other students and making my way into the building.

I never heard Mizuki come running up after me, never heard her call out my name numerous times before it actually reached my consciousness. I stopped in the middle of the hallway, turning to look at her, devoid of expression.

"Shin-chan, are you okay?" she asked, her tone worried. "Did Noa hurt you?"

I took in a deep breath. Just breathe.

"Not now," I murmured.

"But Shin-chan," she said, persistent, "I've never seen you look like this before. I'm worried."

"Not now," I said again, just as quietly.

Mizuki was determined not to let this topic die. "But, Shin-chan, I –"

" _NOT NOW!_ " I finally yelled, my temper striking out at her.

She froze with shock, her hands slowly falling away from me. Her gaze fell downwards as she took a step back. I cursed inwardly and lifted my gaze up, starting my countdown yet again before once more glancing at the little girl who looked so hurt.

I turned away.

"I'm just..." I started to say, my fist clenching tightly before relaxing and falling limply to my side. I looked back at her and this time, more softly, more soothingly, again said, "Not now, okay?"

Mizuki nodded slowly. "...I'm sorry."

"It isn't your fault," I told her firmly. "It really isn't. Thanks for worrying."

She nodded again, just as slowly. "Should I leave you alone?"

Yes, you should.

"No," I reassured her with another smile. "Come on, now that sparring's finished, we're done for the day. Let's go back to the classroom and relax for a bit."

At that, I saw her mouth quirk up slightly. "Nozomi-sensei won't be happy that you lost again."

"She can bite me," I said, being completely honest for once. I didn't give a shit about that woman.

I patted Mizuki on the head as she walked closer to me and we both headed away, back towards the classroom.

* * *

"You must be the _worst_ student I've ever taught," Nozomi-sensei said bitingly as she glared down at me.

The teacher had long since sent Mizuki home, along with all of the other students, so it was just me sitting here by my lonesome. I didn't bother making eye contact with her for the simple reason that it pissed her off incredibly, and it also kept up my disguise of being the most lazy, lackluster academy student within the entire class. I slacked off with my studies, never did homework, and the only part I allowed myself to excel in had absolutely nothing to do with my grades whatsoever, and as such, I was the dead-last in the class. The worst thing about it all was coming to the realization that I was incredibly prideful.

This may have been obvious to some, but it was an eye-opener for me. I'd never thought of myself as _prideful_ , but there it was. I wanted to excel, succeed, rise above everyone else. I wanted to show what all I knew, let everyone know that I wasn't someone to be messed with. It was only after ducking my head and making sure I would do the worst out of everyone that this part of my personality had reared its ugly head and made me suffer all the more.

I needed some kind of stress relief.

"Are you listening to me?" she asked with irritation, to which I responded with a muted negative.

Her hand slammed down on the desk in front of me, and I frowned at her, my hands never moving from inside of my pants' pockets. Her golden-brown eyes glared deeply into mine but I turned my gaze away.

"Can I go home now?" I asked petulantly. I had to hurry up and begin making another batch of tags. Kumo was a huge place.

"I wish," Nozomi-sensei hissed, drawing back away from me. "Didn't they teach you any manners in that orphanage of yours?"

I thought back to the orphanage in Konoha and shrugged my shoulders. "Nope."

Anko would wring my neck if she saw how I was acting right now. She was such a stickler for formality and respect where it was due. Not that she'd ever really displayed such an attitude herself to anyone, save for her boss, the clan leaders, and the Hokage. Just because _she_ acted that way, didn't mean _I_ could, too, of course. I'd have to get all of my disrespectful nature out of my system now before I ever went back to Konoha.

I paused in between thoughts before grudgingly adding, " _IF_ " I ever got back to Konoha.

Nozomi-sensei just shook her head, seeing the futility of the situation. "You're the only one who hasn't received feedback on your match today. I'm not sure why our guest was so insistent on speaking to you, too, but I suppose even failures need to be allowed a chance for success, too."

I didn't even have the energy to try and tell her to go fuck herself. It would've probably gotten me another punch to the face.

My teacher walked back to her desk, grabbed a bunch of papers into her arms, and then looked back at me.

"Stay here."

 _Woof_ , I thought with a snort.

I heard footsteps approach where I was sitting and turned my gaze to look over at the person. I glanced up from the person's shoes and looked upwards, my eyebrows involuntarily raising appreciatively when I reached the midsection and then finally landed on the person's face. The person's eyes met mine without hesitance.

"Hello," my guest said, the voice deep, soothing, and full of an inner strength.

I continued staring. "...Hi."

A wonderful figure, beautiful blonde hair, catlike eyes, a posture that screamed of authority and power...

Hot damn, the guest was one of the two Jinchuuriki: the fucking Nii Yugito, herself.

If that fact hadn't thrown me for a loop, her next words most certainly did:

"I was wondering," Yugito said, her mouth developing into a gentle smile, "if you would allow me the privilege of a spar?"

At first, I was like, "There's this hot woman asking to spar me."

Then, I was like, "Fuck, there's this hot woman asking to spar me."

Then: shit, I was in a lot of trouble, wasn't I?

"And if I refuse?" I asked, making sure my voice didn't belie any of my inner fear and dread.

Her eyes seemed to sharpen. "I would suggest that you didn't. For your sake."

Aw, _FUCK_.

* * *

Damn straight, fucking Yugito, man. Jesus, but she kind of scares me. Awesome woman, for all of the entire 1.5 chapters we saw her alive, but still, scary.


	19. Chapter 19

So, I realized that I'd forgotten to answer the guest reviews from Chapter 17, so I'll do both 17 and 18 here. :)

Jenni: Yeah, getting attached is never a good thing when on this kind of mission, but it hopefully won't happen to me. lol As if. And, in response to the Anko POV bit... Well, I've thought about it, and I know some others have asked for the same thing. If it happens, it will probably be a side-along story that I put up separately. ASLNO will continue to solely be first person, though. Thanks for reading!

FanaticFanGirl: While I am sorry to have made you cry, can I, at the same time, say I am happy that I managed such a feat? And no, no one needs another Root running around, though I can imagine each village having a similar idea concerning it. Yes, Yugito is hot, and no, this is not yuri. :) As for Mizuki's reaction... Well, young children are impressionable, and value other people's opinions far more than they should. It's only mostly teenagers and adults who can manage the I-don't-give-a-damn-about-what-you-say kinda thing. Thanks for reading!

* * *

I eyed the blonde warily as she turned around to face me, her gaze inscrutable and her expression unreadable. Her arms hung loosely at her sides and she didn't seem interested in taking any kind of fighting stance whatsoever. My fingers twitched and I wished that I had my weapons with me. She, on the other hand, was well-stocked from what I could tell, and I found myself staring at her weapon holsters, sorely wishing I could have them.

Frustration poured through me. Why was this even happening? I'd only been at this for three months, technically, with the first two months having been full of training. Perhaps they'd discovered one of my tags?

I mentally shook my head. No, had that been the case, Kumo's ANBU would've stormed my apartment long ago. Regardless of Yugito's position of hierarchy, I doubted the Raikage would send her in to take care of a child infiltrator. But, if not my involvement with my mission, then what could she possibly have sought me out for?

I rewound my earlier spar in my head quickly, trying to see if I'd slipped up anywhere aside of the near death attack. My blocks, parries, and evasion techniques were all extremely basic and shouldn't have brought up any red flags. They're the exact same ways I've been sparring for the past three months straight, so if the teachers had been suspicious of anything, it should've come up at the very start. Perhaps it was my usage of chakra? Or maybe it was my complete one-eighty with how I'd turned the tables on Noa?

My head was starting to pound again from my inability to understand how I'd gotten myself into this situation. A clearing of her throat forced me to focus on her again, though my lips thinned as I thought about how to get myself out of the pickle of a mess I was in.

What exactly had happened? What did I do wrong? Where did I go wrong?

"Give me everything you have," Yugito said, gesturing for me to come at her.

I tensed. "Why did you single me out?"

One of her eyebrows rose, but she nodded. "You piqued my curiosity. All of your classmates, knowing that someone was watching them, fought as if their lives were on the line, while you, on the other hand, didn't even bother to grace your opponent with your full attention. Not even from the very beginning."

"What's that have to do with you?" I shot back, still running through my options. Running away probably wasn't a choice for me to take – she'd catch up with me instantly and have me hung. Could I escape with a distraction and use of my genjutsu? No, probably not.

A frown expressed itself on her face. "The academy invites specific people to watch the spars every year for a number of reasons. One: it allows the students to know that their success indeed _does_ matter to the village and that we are doing our utmost to ensure they receive the best training possible. Two: the governing bodies of Kumo understand the relative levels of the students, and the courses can be changed and adapted to suit the needs of that specific year, based on how the students perform overall. Three: feedback is useful for both parties – the reasoning is obvious for the students, but for the overseeing party, they must learn how to see the world from a lower level once again. This allows for widening one's horizons and how they see the world – the basics are always at the forefront."

When Yugito finished explaining, I narrowed my eyes. "I'm not interested in receiving one-on-one feedback, sorry. I'll get better on my own."

"I cannot allow you to do that," she argued softly. "You are part of Kumo's future, and I would be shirking my duties if I chose to simply let you be."

"I'll probably just fail out of academy anyway," I insisted, searching for a way, _any way_ to get out of this. If I even attempted to go all out – and trust me, I _really_ wanted to – I knew I'd end up reverting back to my original style. That would guarantee my end if nothing else did.

Yugito chuckled. "Oh, I highly doubt that. You have the skills, though I wonder where you learned them in the first place. Your sparring partner had little chance, especially had you chosen to actually kill her."

I felt my heart stop for half a second before I exhaled. She noticed my shock and crossed her arms over her chest.

"You didn't think I would see?" she asked. "It would've been more difficult not to. In addition, I'm well aware that you could sense my flares of chakra. I wasn't certain at first, but it grew increasingly obvious when you would hesitate in the middle of a match for no other apparent reason."

Damn it, but the woman was smart. And, she was on to me, which meant I was in a lot of trouble.

I fell back into my normal fighting style. "What do you want from me?"

Her smile faded away as she felt the air become more serious. Yugito looked at me, straightforwardly stating, "I want to know who you are. And, if you are a danger, I will eliminate you."

Shit. This was it then. Fine.

"I won't go down without a fight!" I declared, my fists clenched.

"Let's see what you are capable of," Yugito answered in kind, sinking into her own stance smoothly.

I went over my fighting capabilities. I wasn't a frontal fighter by any means. My taijutsu needed a lot of work, my ninjutsu was abysmal, and my genjutsu was laughable. I knew a few basic techniques of ninjutsu, and of course had my Fukashi no Kaze technique, but that wouldn't work against her. I felt myself begin to sweat when I realized I would probably die due to my inability to perform well enough, and I felt a pang of guilt when I figured out I wouldn't ever see my sister again.

No! I wouldn't let it end this way!

I was ripped out of my musings when she advanced on me first, her fingernails extending to unbelievable lengths as she swiped at me. I made a sound of disbelief, but forced chakra into my legs and jumped back out of her reach, just barely avoiding getting ripped to shreds. Yugito was on me again in no time, her nails jabbing and clawing at me while I tried to dodge and avoid each blow. She followed up one attack with a kick that struck me dead center, sending me flying across the arena to collapse pitifully on the other side.

I grunted, pushing myself up as she walked closer to where I was. My hands swept into seals before I muttered,

"Fukashi no Kaze!"

After months of disuse, it was an incredibly odd feeling to have my chakra sucked out so easily and readily. The only highlight was seeing the woman's eyes widen as I disappeared from her view. I saw them narrow just as quickly as she used her other senses to seek out my position. I didn't bother moving – let her think I was going to come up with some kind of creative attack. I performed a few more seals before cupping my mouth, sucking in a deep breath of air, and mentally muttering, "Katon: Goukyaku no Jutsu!" as I let the whirl of fire escape from my mouth straight at my target.

Her eyes zoned in on me almost immediately, but she quickly dashed out of the way of the giant fireball. I used this chance to race forward, my hands clapping together as softly as I could manage it before jumping into the air and holding my arms out. Yugito was no fool, though, and spun in a circle before leaping up and slamming her leg into me for a flying jump kick. I soared through the air, wincing as I felt my ribs complain.

I crashed against the ground, but grabbed at a patch of grass to swing myself back up, leaving a track of my feet sliding against the dirt. I stood up, my hands immediately going for my weapons pouch that...wasn't there.

Fuck.

Yugito's disposition had changed entirely, and she was no longer taking me as lightly as before. I flipped back out of the way just as her claws sank deep into the dirt where I'd just been. I released my genjutsu, considering how worthless it now was, and concentrated my efforts on escaping each blow to save my life. Even as I dodged one claw after another, though, I still had to take into account the fact that she was now using her toenails as weapons as well. I could barely avoids two sets, but now I had four to deal with.

I backed up against a tree, sinking down to the ground as her nails slashed at where my head had been, leaving clear markings on the bark. I felt my heart thumping hard within my chest and scrambled to get away. I, on my hands and knees, tried to crawl away, but felt my head bump against something and turned my gaze upward. My eyes met hers and for a moment, I felt abject fear, a fear the likes I'd never felt before.

My heart thundered within my chest and I fell back on my butt, trying to inch away.

Why had Shikaku assigned this mission to me?

 _I'm going to die!_

Why'd I have to mess up with that stupid spar?

 _She's going to kill me!_

Why didn't Anko figure what it was I was trying to say?

 _I haven't even done anything yet!_

Yugito peered down at me, my now trembling figure. I'd never faced death like this before. I couldn't even remember how I'd originally died, so the thought had vanished somewhere along the way, and I'd always known it was a distinct possibility, but I'd just thought I'd have more time to live my life. I was only seven-years-old this time around, yet my luck was bad enough that I wouldn't live to see myself turn eight?

"Is that it?" Yugito suddenly asked me, her tone devoid of emotion.

"Are you going to kill me?" I asked, my voice sounding far more confident than I felt.

She just continued to look at me. "Who are you?"

"My name is Muraka–"

Her elongated nails came dangerously close to my neck as she kneeled down, her blank eyes staring straight at me. She pushed her nails closer to solidify her point.

"Who. Are. You?"

Fear flooded me, pushing me to the edge of my threshold of panic before something finally snapped and I suddenly felt nothing whatsoever. I blinked a couple of times at the lack of feeling – it was almost as if I was now a separate entity from my main body, like I was disconnected.

I met her gaze without hesitance.

"I can't answer that, for I am Nameless."

Her eyes narrowed further, and she pushed her nails in against my neck hard enough to pierce. "I'm not interested in your jokes. I asked for your identity."

"I gave it to you," I replied, still wondrous over the fact that even though I felt the pain, it was as if it was happening to someone else entirely. It was like the pain one would feel by watching someone break their leg or have birth. It was happening, but it didn't feel like it was at all related to me. "I am Nameless. I don't have an identity. I don't know what else to tell you."

"I could kill you right here," she threatened. "Give me a reason not to."

I nodded, the small gesture making her nails dig deeper. "That's fine. There's always more of us."

Yugito frowned at that. "Who's 'us'?"

"The Nameless."

"Who are the Nameless?"

"We are," I answered. "You are too young to remember the long-lost program. It used to exist in the years past – a program meant to create destructive child soldiers who would instigate the driving force behind Kumo's newly established power, a power that would –"

"The Lost..." Yugito trailed off, interrupting my explanation. "That program should have been defunct, though..."

At this point, I was starting to worry at my lack of emotion and feeling. Where had my panic gone off to? What happened to all that fear? I mean, with the way I currently was, I wasn't going to complain as it was far easier to think while in this state, but it just felt like the eye of a tornado, or the calm before a storm. Was it all right to be so impassive about my situation as of the moment?

Yugito looked at me again, and I mean, _really_ looked at me, as if seeing me for the first time. She lifted up my chin, a frown appearing on her face. She turned her gaze away, her right hand reaching into one of her pockets as she pulled out a tissue and held it against my neck. I only continued to stare at her.

"When will you strike the final blow?" I asked easily. It was really weird, this state of apathy. I didn't know what to make out of it.

Her eyes only narrowed. "I am not going to kill you."

"You may as well," I rebuked. "No one was supposed to know, and now I am useless, on top of being nameless. If you do not kill me, someone else will."

This seemed to irk her some as I saw the edge of her mouth twitch. She dabbed the tissue at my neck wordlessly, her touch gentle and kind, a far opposite to her fighting style and form. I wasn't interested in waiting for her answer though. I pulled her hand away from me, feeling myself stand up but not actually recognizing the action. I glanced at my hands, my body feeling somewhat cold and alien to me. Yugito watched me carefully. I turned to her again.

"If you do not intend to kill me," I started, my hands suddenly crackling with electricity, "then I will do your job for you."

Her eyes widened as I neared my hands to my chest and she quickly grabbed both of my wrists, forcing them down onto the solid ground to cancel the technique. I stared at the ground, almost as if I couldn't understand how I got down there before I looked back up at her.

"If you don't kill me –"

Yugito grabbed my shoulders, shaking me some. "I am not going to kill you."

She closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath. "No one has to know that I found out. You were not born just to die without ever living."

"What does that matter?" I asked, feeling as if I should know the answer. My calmness was starting to scare me somewhat, somewhere deep inside me.

Yugito didn't meet my probing gaze. "I'm taking you home."

"But –"

She stood up, taking one of my hands in hers. Her shoulders were set and squared as she looked ahead of her. She raised her head as she stood up straight. Then, she began to walk forward, pulling me along after her without any intention of listening to my arguments. She had no use for them, nor any interest in considering my side of things.

For a brief moment, I wondered how she knew where I lived.

Nearly thirty minutes later, I understood that she hadn't.

I watched silently as she fished a key out of her pocket and unlocked the door in front of us. She opened the door slowly and stood to the side, silently suggesting that I walk in. I turned to her like she was crazy, starting to the feel that plateau of calmness begin to fade away as time went on. My hands were starting to tremble again and my heart rate had picked back up.

"Why are we here...?" I asked, feeling my teeth begin to chatter as I looked at her fearfully. "I don't live here."

Yugito was silent for a while before quietly admitting, "I know."

I backed away a few steps. "You're killing me here?"

"I'm not going to kill you," she was quick to say, almost sounding irritated.

I continued to back away, and she matched me step for step. "I'm going to go home now..."

She reached out with a speed I couldn't follow and grasped at one of my wrists. Her catlike eyes focused on mine as she pulled me towards her, even as I started to go into full-blown panic mode. Contrary to my previous state of iron-clad apathy, I was now shuddering as badly as a frightful dog, knowing how close I'd been, and was, to death. If I was going to break down though, I wanted it to be in the comfort of my own apartment, where I knew that at the very least, no one could judge me for my weakness.

I'd frozen up completely, unable to move one way or another. Yugito, noticing this, took me in her arms, bringing me into the confines of her apartment. She set me down on the foyer step, taking off my ninja sandals when I'd found myself incapable of doing so. She then picked me up again and took me into the main room. By this time, even I knew for myself that I was starting to fall apart completely. Yugito didn't even make it as far as her bedroom before my first tear fell down my cheek.

 _I thought I was done for..._

She wrapped her arms around my shivering form, not saying a word as she held me tightly to her.

 _I don't want to die..._

I couldn't believe how afraid I'd been of death, how afraid I'd been that everything would suddenly be over. What if it had been someone else who'd found out about my alias? Someone who didn't care whether I lived or died, so long as a possible threat was eliminated from existence? What if this was all a ploy to make me suffer from thinking that I had an opportunity to continue living, despite the fact that I was going to die anyway?

What tore me up most about the prospect was that there was nothing I could do to change the fact. I'd attempted to fight, I'd attempted to lengthen the amount of time I had yet to live, but it was all for nothing. I didn't have the skills, the experience, the mindset, to keep going, to fight for my life. It was at this point that I truly felt alone, and for the first time in years, I let myself cry.

 _I miss Anko..._

 _I miss my sister..._

 _I miss Konoha..._

The tears fell more harshly now, and I didn't feel Yugito tighten her grip around me, cradling my head in the crook between her shoulder and neck. I sobbed and sniffled pathetically, knowing that I might now have much longer to do so freely.

"I want to go home," I blubbered out quietly, almost whining.

Anko may not have been the best sister out there, but she was _my_ sister, and she had been a big constant in my life for a while now. In this world, I had nothing else. I had no one else. Now that I'd lost her, I was just living off memories. I wanted this mission to just be finished so I could go back, but I knew that even if I did, nothing would be the same. She thought I was dead, and I may as well have been. Nothing was getting me out of the rut I was currently in.

I'd never wanted to get so attached to anything in this lifetime. I figured I'd just go through it, live an ordinary shinobi life, reach a decent age, and die somewhere during a mission again. I never thought I would come to love anyone in my new lifetime – I thought myself too apathetic a person to ever do so. Love was for people who mattered to others, and I'd never considered that I would ever amount to much of anything for anyone, but I remembered how Anko sat at my side each time I was in the hospital. I remember how she held me when I was feeling under the weather, and how she'd tried cooking me my favorites to lift up my spirits. I remembered her efforts despite clumsiness of them all, and that's what meant the world to me.

* * *

The rolling plains of grass filled my vision again, and I found myself staring at them more passionately than ever before. I placed a hand against the thick glass, wondering why it felt so thick and impenetrable. I turned my gaze away to look to my side where my sister sat, silently looking out the window as I had been. I then turned to look at the building we were in. Had it always been so Spartan? No, wait, I could see the couch we'd used to sit on. Why weren't we sitting on it still?

I scooted over to my sister, touching her lightly to gain her attention. Her blank caramel-brown eyes turned to look at me dispassionately. She turned back to look at the grass outside, and I found my gaze drawn back to it as well. The blue skies with a puff of cloud here and there, the blades of grass flowing back and forth as a gentle wind pressed over them... All of it seemed so beautiful and wonderful, something that couldn't be witnessed normally. It was never-ending, and no matter how much time passed on, it would remain the same.

That thought brought me back to the present, and I refocused on my sister. I pushed on her shoulder to get her attention again, and once again, she looked at me with that same vacant expression.

"Let's go sit on the couch," I suggested.

"What couch?" she asked, and I swear I'd had this conversation before.

I pointed over at a spot in the middle of the room. "That couch..."

As I pointed, I suddenly found myself mystified as I realized I was pointing at a blank section of the wall. I stared hard at the wall, blinking my eyes a few times as I wondered what had happened to the large thing. I'd clearly seen it only but a minute before, and now it was suddenly just gone, as if it had never been there in the first place.

"What couch?" Anko repeated again.

I looked back at her before turning to look where the couch had been before. I fell back a step when I saw it had reappeared again, and blindly grasped at her hand, not wanting to turn away lest the couch somehow disappear again like before. Taking her hand into mine, I pulled her along with me, eager to get to the couch and prove it was real. I pushed her onto it before taking a seat myself, and it felt as if a blanket of relief and warmth fell over me as I relaxed into its wonderful cushions.

I wondered how I'd mistaken it for not being there.

Anko sat next to me, grimly staring that floor. I shifted closer to her, my arms enfolding around one of hers, but she just gave me a look that sent a stab of fear into my heart.

"It's worse now," she murmured, her voice grave.

"We found the couch," I told her, trying to refute the statement.

She shook her head slowly. "But, at one point, you lost track of it, didn't you?"

I didn't have an answer and she let her head hang mournfully. She laid a hand on my head, pulling me in closer to her as she set her cheek on my crown.

"The end is nigh," she whispered, and I could honestly say that I'd never heard a more morose statement from her.

"You're so pessimistic," I chastised her.

One edge of her mouth turned up as she chuckled. "Then, I guess you'll have to keep me elevated with your optimism."

"Always!" I promised.

* * *

I jolted awake, remnants of my earlier tears falling from the edges of my eyes as I stared up at the ceiling in pitch darkness. I never remembered my dreams anymore, but this one just gave me a feeling of dread that I couldn't quite extinguish, no matter how hard I tried to think of other, much better things.

I looked around me, but there was little I could see within the pitch black room. The sound of cookware banging against something else made me sit up quickly, my heart starting to beat hard in my chest as I smelled an aroma of food come from the kitchen. I felt my breath hasten and my mouth slowly curved into a smile as I slipped out of bed and opened the door, a rush of the aroma I'd smelt previously hitting me like a blast of wind. I stepped out of the room, my heart alight and a smile on my face as I went towards the kitchen.

"An..."

My happy greeting died at my lips as I saw the blonde kunoichi from earlier look at me with some surprise, a smile flitting across her face as I stumbled into the kitchen. My good mood immediately vanished and I realized exactly where I was again, and the events that had led up to it. I felt a coldness sink into my skin and I stared unenthusiastically at the woman who had forcibly brought me into her own home.

"Hey there," she greeted me in barely louder than a whisper. "Did you sleep well?"

I stared at her blankly.

"I'm going home."

Yugito's smile vanished as I walked across the room told the foyer. She didn't try to stop me, but only asked me a question:

"When was the last time you had a home-cooked meal?"

For some reason, the innocent question filled me with a deep set anger, a rage that had been boiling for a while now. I turned back and said the words I knew she would never comprehend:

"You. Are. Not. Her."

Then, I turned back around, slipped on my sandals, and left the apartment.

* * *

And so, I will return to my life of hacking up my lungs. Stupid, damned cold. Can't I will it away or something? Night guys.


	20. Chapter 20

I just wanted to say that I love all of the insightful comments everyone keeps making in regards to my story. When I first began it, I hadn't ever thought it would ever be quite as introspective as its been, nor that it would take the paths it has. I look at amazing stories like the obvious DoS, or "Walk on the Moon", and wonder if my story will ever compare. Well, even if it never does, you all have been amazing readers thus far, and I really value all of your opinions. So, thank you.

I also received a review in French! That was nothing short of brilliant, and the first time for me to receive one in a language other than English. I loved it. That both confused and invigorated me. Hi French populace~.

* * *

I blew up on the leaf, watching it float back down slowly before I blew another puff to send it flying right back up. Mizuki, who was sitting at my side, looked very unimpressed with my actions, but didn't bother chastising about it anymore. She couldn't deny that I could do every exercise presented to me without much difficulty, and besides, I took extreme pleasure in the ire that would show up on Nozomi-sensei's face every single time I'd goof off. It just pissed her off so much that she'd spend five minutes straight simply yelling at me for not cooperating.

Today, though, she seemed a bit different from usual. While she did give me a piercing glare, no scolding came from her even once. It was enough for me to pluck the leaf out of the air and frown down at her. If there was one thing I respected about my instructor, it was her consistency. She held to certain patterns and despised veering away from them, so for her to not get on my case about something was very out of the ordinary. A bad feeling stole over me and crushed the leaf in my hand as I sat forward, my full attention on her.

"...and make sure to practice this technique at home to better your chakra control," Nozomi-sensei was saying, her voice level and steady. "Don't take this technique lightly, either. Every incredible ninja out there had to do this at some point in their life – it's part of the reason they're so great now. If you stat shirking your duties now, who can say what kind of person you'll turn out to be in the future?"

Our instructor paused for a moment before continuing. "As it continues to get hotter, be careful when training for extended amounts of time. Inform your parents, siblings, or friends when you intend to go out to train for insurance's sake. Have a good rest of your day and a wonderful Sunday tomorrow. I will see you again bright and early on Monday."

The noise level in the classroom immediately skyrocketed as soon as we were given permission to leave, but I can honestly say I didn't pay so much attention to that as I did to the woman down in front. Frowning, I chose to leave well enough alone. I didn't need her shouting at me every day anyway. Mizuki and I picked up our bags and headed down the steps towards the ground floor. As soon as I was nearly at the door, I heard,

"Wait a moment, Murakami."

I knew it, I knew it, I knew it, I _knew_ it.

Turning around slowly, I tried to hide my irritation and frustration while Mizuki just hung back a bit, looking uncertain as to whether to stay or to go. Nozomi-sensei pinned her with a look that told her to leave, but still, Mizuki hesitated. She looked at me with concern.

"Shin-chan..."

"Go home," I told her, not bothering to make eye contact. "I have a feeling this might take some time."

For a moment, it seemed as if she was going to stubbornly stay put regardless, but then I heard her feet shuffle back some and then they pit-pattered away, the sound muting as she went further down the hall. I bit my lip to contain my emotions and slowly walked towards my instructor, meeting her gaze the entire way. When I was nearly a meter away from her, I stopped, waiting impatiently for her to tell me what was on her mind.

Nozomi-sensei looked at me, her expression guarded. "Have you heard already?"

"Heard what?" I asked, my eyes narrowing.

She let out a sigh. "No, of course you didn't. I _would_ have to be the one to deliver this information. Why would I expect anything else?"

"You're babbling," I told her directly.

"Shut up," she returned crossly. Then, with a moment of indecision, she frowned and ran a hand through her hair. "How the hell am I supposed to explain this?"

I waited for a couple of minutes before finally sighing myself. "Sensei, whatever you've got to say, just say it. Please."

Nozomi-sensei folded her arms across her chest. "There. We'll start with that. Murakami, starting today, I am no longer your instructor, and you, no longer a student of this academy."

I stared at her. "What do you mean I'm not a student anymore? You can't kick me out unless I've failed the test a certain number of times! I'm not even that far along yet!"

I was starting to get mad now, a common thing nowadays. I was very quick to anger lately, and after the Yugito thing, I just wanted to pound something into the ground. Right now, my only options to break were her desk and chair, or I could send a raging fireball and light the whole thing on fire. I think I'd be justified with that. I mean, what the fuck did she _mean_ I wasn't a student anymore? She didn't have the clearance for that kind of shit. If I was kicked out, then my cover story was pretty much shot, too. I'd have to go into a civilian trade or something of the like, and that would be a disaster. I didn't even have to consider it to know it'd be an absolute clusterfuck for me to deal with.

My now former instructor shook her head. "I'm not kicking you out, much as I'd _like_ to. Would _love_ to, honestly. This was an order straight from the Raikage himself."

That statement made me freeze in my spot, and by her sudden look of misplaced concern, I must have paled as well. It became a slight bit harder to breathe as I continued to stare at her without really seeing her.

The Raikage? Why the hell does _he_ know about me? Has he realized my connection to Konoha? Did he uncover my identity? Did his information center report on increased activity on Konoha's side? Where had I made a misstep this time? _Damn it!_ What the hell had happened?

"I knew this wouldn't go well," my ex-instructor muttered. "You should've been the one to tell her, not me."

Catching my breath, I looked up at Nozomi to see her looking behind me. Turning around, I saw walk in the last person I ever wanted to see on this planet. Ever.

Nii Yugito walked in with her usual display of confidence, her hand swaying at her sides as she calmly came up beside the two of us. She regarded the instructor, giving her a nod of acknowledgement. I blinked owlishly at the two of them, knowing that my earlier feeling of dread was because of this.

I don't know what god out there decided to make my life so fucked up, but fuck you. Seriously. Fuck, you.

"I just squared things away with Raikage-sama," she said as calmly as ever. "It's only today that I returned to the village, so I couldn't tell her beforehand."

Nozomi scoffed at the blonde. "You think that just because you're all special because you've got that stupid beast inside you that you can just walk all over everyone? Face it, you're just another soldier in all of the monotony."

Yugito only frowned slightly. "No. I believe I can walk all over you because I am the jounin here, and you are the gopher chuunin. Perhaps the fact that you haven't received an actual mission in ages might also have something to do with it."

At that comment, – and it really was awesome, so I had to give Yugito props for that one – Nozomi gritted her teeth, a near growl escaping her lips. "That isn't _my_ fault!"

"Who else's would it be, I wonder?" the blonde returned. "In any case, thank you for doing your part. I can handle it from here. If you wouldn't mind leaving, that would help me out considerably."

"This is _my_ classroom!" Nozomi declared self-righteously.

Yugito just gave her an expression of annoyance, like an adult would give to a child. "I'm sure Satomi won't be happy if you are late meeting with her yet again."

Nozomi gaped at Yugito, a flush racing across her cheeks as she opened and closed her mouth with no sound ever coming out. Then, as if counting her losses, she went behind the desk, grabbed her bag, shoved everything on the desktop into it, swung it over her shoulder, and hurriedly walked out. I rubbed my chin slightly, looking at the blonde in a new light. The amount of information piled up in that head of hers was rather fascinating, and I would've loved to have known about this 'Satomi' a long time ago to keep that woman off my back about everything.

With that distraction now gone though, I was back to worrying about what the fuck had gone so wrong in my life to put in this position. I turned to make eye contact with Yugito, who walked away and sat gracefully on one of the benches. She looked around slowly before her dark eyes met mine again.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, cutting to the chase. "What's this about me being kicked out of the academy?"

Yugito closed her eyes for a few moments before opening them again. "You don't belong here, and you know that as well as I."

"What are you talking about?" I probed further, panic winding its way through my mind. "Where else would I be at this age?"

She clasped her hands together before nodding at a bench. "Have a seat, if you would."

"I'm good right –"

" _Sit_ ," she ordered, enforcing the command with a bit of killing intent. I fell back somewhat, but refused to fall prey to her control. I chose to sit down in the chair at the instructor's desk instead.

Yugito frowned at the distance, but didn't comment on it. Leaning forward, she inquired, "What is your current mission?"

I immediately gave her my full attention. "I don't think that's any of your business."

"And I believe it is," she countered, looking completely serious, more so than when I first met her. She paused before finally saying, "I found him. Your trainer."

"My trainer?" I muttered, wondering what the hell she was talking about.

"Kenichi, I believe his name was," she answered, which had me freezing. She... _found_ Kenichi? She _found_ someone who has been living here as an infiltrator for years upon years, someone who made it his mission to never be caught or found unless he wanted to be?

That... That wasn't good.

I swallowed slowly. "I see. And? I haven't heard from him for some time."

She nodded. "And you won't be, ever again."

That made me pause again. "...I'm sorry?"

"I killed him."

I looked at her, blinking a few times as I found myself unable to entirely comprehend her words at first.

"You...killed him," I repeated dully, my words faint.

"That's right," came her response.

I continued staring at her, hoping that what she said wasn't true. But, as she only looked back at me as resolutely as before, dread clawed its way through my body as I realized she was telling the truth. She killed Kenichi. She killed the only contact I had with Konoha whatsoever. She killed the _only damn, fucking, goddamned_ contact I had with my village. She _killed_ the last _fucking, goddamned_ contact I had to figure out _what the flying fuck_ was happening in this _goddamned_ war. She effectively made it so I had _no one_ , absolutely _NO ONE_ to depend on to tell me information on what the fuck I was supposed to do now. I only had the tentative plans! He was supposed to contact me later. What the _flying fuck_!

My body felt like ice as I forced myself to breathe in and out. My only chance to possibly get out of this situation was, poof, gone. Just like that. I raised my hand to cover my face so she wouldn't see my expression. My mind felt blank, devoid of all thought. I felt woozy, and off-kilter. For a moment, all I could see was white in front of me as my everything around me blended together and faded out of existence.

Before I knew it, I'd vanished from my spot in the chair and flew across the room at her, my fist aimed directly at her face as killing intent poured out of me. My fist met her palm in an explosion of energy, and I gritted my teeth at her as I pulled back my fist and reached for her face with my foot. Yugito was up from the bench in a heartbeat, her forearm blocking my kick before she grabbed my ankle and twisted me in the air. She sent me crashing to the ground, holding my arms back behind me as she pressed me against the wooden floor. I kicked, struggled, and tried to resist her strength with everything that was in me, but she had me pinned quite easily.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I screamed out, my rage overwhelming me. "How could you kill him? He was the only person I had left! Now everything's all gone! I've got _nothing_ now! You've screwed up everything!"

Yugito let me continue shouting my frustration and fury, never moving away or attempting to shut me up. I slowly lost the energy to keep fighting and let my forehead rest against the floor, my eyes tearing up as my last escape route fizzled away in front of me. My lips trembled as I fell silent, wanting to curse the world and my luck for my situation.

"You've ruined everything," I whispered, my voice cracking.

Yugito stayed silent before finally saying, "I researched every piece of information I could find on The Lost. The program was set into motion twenty years ago, but came to an abrupt halt when more children went missing than could be properly counted. Many were stolen from their homes for experimentation with different sorts of vaccinations, tonics, seals, jutsu, or anything that could be tested and used for the purpose of making Kumo stronger. Some worked, but most others caused mutations and deformations so incredible and dangerous that Kumo was forced to consider other options instead.

"The experiments only accounted for half the population taken by force, however. Another quarter of them were put through a training program harsher than anything I've ever heard of before, with the children coming out as little more than puppet, enslaved to a cause that wasn't even their own. They were tools used for the sole purpose of dying before our real soldiers would reach the battlefield, to test out whatever might be wrong beforehand. And the last quarter, like you, were tutored in a different art entirely, which depended completely on the type of teacher."

I only continued to cry quietly as she explained everything. Yugito fell silent again but was quick to return to what she had been saying.

"I spoke to the Raikage in regards to The Lost, but as his tenure is relatively new," she said softly, sounding far away from me, "he hadn't been made aware of certain parts of Kumo's past. The Lost, in his opinion, as well as mine, was a program that should have never taken place, but desperate times always draw about desperate measures."

When I didn't respond with anything, she paused again. "It is difficult to say how many of these Nameless might be out there, hidden from sight. There very well could be quite a few more within this very academy, though I couldn't be sure. I never would have known about you had it not been for your slight mistake."

"Why are you telling me all this?" I questioned miserably, my eyes closed tightly.

"He, the Raikage, I mean, is concerned for your general welfare, and upset, to say the least, in how remiss we have been about tracking down those children who might still be involved within this debacle," she informed me gently, "and has ordered a reeducation program be made for your benefit. That, Murakami Shinrai, is where I come in."

I turned my head so that my cheek was laying against the floor instead. "What are you talking about?"

She didn't answer me, only instead asking, "What is your current mission?"

I stared ahead at the edge of a step, my vision blurry. "To seamlessly hide myself within the ranks of the academy, not draw too much attention, and graduate as a genin."

"Anything else?"

To put down explosive tags in every single part of the village I could manage. To take stock of each corner of the village for future reference. To take note of notable influences within the village, as well as powerful figures who would cause trouble for Konoha in the main war. To survive and live to tell another day.

I closed my eyes. "No."

"I see," she murmured, her voice as soft as a feather.

"So, where do you come in?" I asked, resigned to my fate.

"As the person who discovered your identity and the one to inform him of The Lost program still being in session, I have been given the task of taking you on as my apprentice, in order to both reorient you as a normal human being, as well as to pass off to you the skills I am most efficient with."

 _Apprentice?_ I thought to myself with alarm. "No. I refuse."

At this, Yugito rose up off of me, and I scrambled to my feet, backing away from her. "I'm not becoming _your_ damn disciple or whatever. _You're_ the one that made everything go to hell for me!"

I saw her nod, hardly looking offended. "I thought you might see things that way, but unfortunately, I am not the one making the rules. By all means, inform the Raikage of your disinterest, though I might warn you away from that route."

The Raikage... I fell back onto my butt with a small thump, knowing that there was no way I could ever contest him in anything. I couldn't believe that because of that one, misplaced kick, just the _one_ , that I was now in my current situation. I had no allies left, and a village full of enemies.

Was curling up in a corner and crying some more even an option?

"What am I supposed to be doing with you?" I asked her, my voice devoid of emotion. "What am I supposed to learn?"

A small, wry smile crossed her face. "I am quite certain I am not the best person to rely on for normal human interaction, but I will do my utmost to ensure you receive all of the attention you need from now on. As of today, you are under my care until otherwise stated, and I am to overlook your future training and progress. You will learn a multitude of things – as much as I can teach you without causing you distress."

No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o! We were going to live together? _No_!

"I can't live alone?" I tried, my voice tiny.

She shook her head slightly. "That would defeat the point of reeducation and learning of what it means to be human."

My teeth grit together. "You're a Jinchuuriki, aren't you? What the hell would you know of what it meant to be human?"

A low blow, I knew, but I could see that my statement affected her somewhat. A flash of hurt and anger flitted across her features before disappearing completely, her mask of impassiveness settling back in easily. Yugito turned her gaze away.

"I am just a human as you," she murmured. "I am simply a bit more inconvenienced than some. We both have parts of us that we are not necessarily proud of, but does that make us lesser than we are really worth?"

She continued, not glancing back my way this time, "We will participate together in missions. From what little I saw of your combat style, I know that you are not a heavy hitter or someone who operates on the front lines. If I were to take a guess, I would say you excelled in subterfuge and infiltration, which is only fitting, as that is along the lines of my normal duties as well."

I stared at her, a sigh escaping my lips. Oh, the irony of my life. I infiltrate another shinobi village for the sole purpose of deception, only to get wrapped up in a situation where I will be taught the skills necessary to succeed in causing this village's doom. Someone, somewhere, was having a real good laugh at my life right now, and I just wanted to pound them into the ground.

Then, I rewound my memory, picking up the word "missions".

"Wait," I started, staring hard at her. "What do you mean, missions? What missions?"

After some time, Yugito turned her gaze back towards me again. "I am to take you with me everywhere I go, but I can't very well stop attending to my other duties as well. You will be accompanying me wherever I need to go, in hopes that we can raise your skill level a bit. I will also be training you as much as I can, though I believe I already told you as much. The missions won't be incredibly dangerous at first, but they will require every ounce of your attention and ability. I foresee a few C-missions at first to get you into the hang of things, and then we will see what happens from there."

My head fell. "And, I have no choice in the matter?"

"No," she said slowly before following up with, "you are a member of Kumo. We are all family here, and when one is hurting, so, too, will all of the others. Of course, we can hardly compare our family ties with that of the long-lost Uzumaki clan, but everyone must start somewhere."

"I refuse to acknowledge you as anyone other than the person who stuck her nose into the wrong place," I told her, my shoulders tense.

"That's fine," she responded, standing up. "I only hope that you will one day be able to forgive me for what I have done."

I turned away. "I won't."

She didn't say anything at first, but eventually said, "Then, that will have to suffice. Let us go."

"Where?" I asked, my eyes narrowing.

Yugito turned back around to look at me fully. "Home. When was it you last had a home-cooked meal?"

I stared at her warily. "What? Can you even really cook?"

Oops, I hadn't meant for that particular question to sound so rude.

She cracked a smile. "I rather fancy myself as a decent cook, actually."

"Geez, you can do everything, can't you?" I muttered.

Her smile fell before she murmured, "Not everything. Come. Let's go."

Yugito walked away towards the exit, her long ponytail swaying behind her. For a brief moment, I allowed myself to mourn for Kenichi – I hadn't liked him, but he had been my last remembrance of home, the last thing connecting me to my past. Now, I had to deal with the person who had not only killed him, but now made it very difficult for me to fulfill my real mission. To say I was upset was understating things a bit, and while I knew that she was my enemy, I now had to deal with her every, single, day for the rest of my time here.

I hardened my eyes as I walked forward, following the blonde as she led me through the school. Well, now that I was here, what better way to gather information about my enemy but to use the one person who had deigned to put herself right there next to me? She was the perfect answer to how I would figure out the best places to lay more explosive tags, because for her, information was a necessity. Fine, then. That was a necessity I was going to abuse until the very end, and extract as much of as I could until I could squeeze nothing more from her. Yugito was doing nothing but helping me further my plans in an even better way.

A flash of her expression filled with pain, anger, and hurt crossed my mind and I stubbornly pushed it aside.

She wasn't human. She was the enemy.

She was the enemy, and not a friend.

She was not my friend, and I didn't care about her. I wouldn't. I couldn't.

But, then, I looked at her, trying to understand who she was. Nii Yugito was a Jinchuuriki of the two-tailed beast, Matatabi. She, like all of the other Jinchuuriki, had grown up with a hard life and a negative outlook on the public, but she had mastered usage over her beast, able to transform into it completely and use its power for her own. She had grown into an incredible kunoichi, already a jounin at the young age of nineteen. She was also, or so I've noticed, a caring individual who was without close friends or people to really rely on emotionally and for comfort. Yugito was a good person, only worried about what she thought was a broken child, thrown into a system she couldn't understand. She was someone to be admired for her strength, but inside and out.

My eyes closed.

But she was the enemy, and nothing was changing that fact. I would take all I could from her and when it came time to go, I would leave with my head held high, and the village burning in flames behind me. I would...

I sighed. I was in deep shit.

* * *

Yes, so... Who saw this coming? No, really. Who saw it? Yugito, you're my enemy damn it! No, don't look at me like that! Damn it, Jinchuuriki!


	21. Chapter 21

Eh, I was going to make one super long chapter to cover the contents of the upcoming events, but it probably would've come close to 15-20k or so, so... I cut it short and will chuck it out at you in segments. As for the guest reviews:

Guest: Hey, you're welcome. I write when I've the time.

Ten: She is pretty cute, ain't she?

FanaticFanGirl: Poor Hotaru, indeed! And Yugito is something of a sadist, I'll bet.

ShugoYuuki123: Good! I write with the intention of hoping no one will see what's coming next. Keeps up the suspense, and all that.

And, now to my _SPECIAL_ reviewer:

Hey there, Anna. Now, don't you worry, I'm quite proud of being able to construe moral ambiguity in a world that is full of moral ambiguity. I must say that I wonder why you took up a story about ninjas that kill, steal, and lie for a living, but who am I to judge? As for that hit about being similar to Hitler... You know, Hitler was a damned, brilliant man. Yes, he caused the genocide of a ridiculous amount of people or the sole purpose of racial supremacy, but guess what, he almost succeeded in a lot of his aims. That makes him both highly intelligent and smart. I don't mind being compared to someone of that capability. Besides, he was also charismatic as hell. His mustache and hairstyle could've done with some work, though. I hope that you will come to see the world for what it is, and not the "good vs. evil" thing you've got going on. Thanks for reading up to that chapter, in any case. :)

Whoo, I feel better now. She ain't reading anymore, but that's okay. Anyway, hope you guys enjoy this next chapter!

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My head fell against the thick book lying on the table, my eyes closed as I sighed miserably. Cracking one eye open, I stared at the multitude of books everywhere on the table. Then, I shifted around and turned to my right where a myriad of scrolls lay, ready for perusing. I reached out for one scroll and rolled it open, holding it up to compare to the text within the book. Staring at the writing, I analyzed each piece as much as I could, but after having been in the library for the better of four hours, I was getting tired.

The history of Kumo, Suna, Konoha, Iwa, and Kiri, current characters in the Bingo books, current political figures including all of the different Daimyo, all of the recorded clans in the various areas, all of the different bloodlines currently known, all of the known Jinchuuriki and their beasts, – Naruto wasn't listed in there, thankfully – all of the different village ANBU types, the ANBU sign language of Kumo, different espionage, subterfuge, and assassination techniques... Yugito had pounded every single one of these things into my head on various occasions. Breakfast time would be full of lecturing as I ate, to make sure I understood what I was supposed to know. Lunch was in a part of the library, where I would read up different scriptures, scrolls, and books to better my knowledge, while dinner would be quiz time, forcing me to recall everything I'd read, since Yugito had more than likely read the same thing at some point.

Of course, this wasn't an everyday thing. Yugito was simply adamant that I learned enough before we ever even attempted a mission, unlike Anko who believed that learning via action was the best way to absorb anything. Like, my sister, however, Yugito was a hard-ass who considered going easy very much the same as not trying hard enough. Sugarcoating things was more likely to get a person killed, a phrase Yugito was quick to say if I ever groaned about her methods of teaching and informing me of anything.

She wasn't cruel though – not by any means. She was just manically OCD.

When she trained me, she was thorough, but gentle. If I did something wrong, she'd force me into a position that showed me how and why it was so, and then kindly explained alternatives to reaching the same goal I'd sought. Then, Yugito would allow me to try again, and again, and again, until I was personally satisfied with my new approach. I think I'd attempted one particular technique approximately thirty-three times on her before she finally approved of my method. I'd been satisfied at twenty-nine, but when she had nodded slowly, I knew that I would've died had I done that in real battle. So, with another four tries, we'd finally both seen eye-to-eye. The thing I really appreciated about Yugito was that she never once complained either. Training me had been the entire point of the exercise, and that was she had endeavored to do, so she never saw reason to complain – rather, she was pleased with my success.

Sometimes, Yugito sent me on little missions in the village. For example: sneak on so-and-so, retrieve such-and-such without being caught, take a picture of whatever, steal an apple, and so forth. They were all little things, and she had made certain that the people I went after always knew _something_ was going to happen, just not _what_. I'd never forgive her for sending me into a men's changing area. God, I never thought I'd see so many sausages in one place before. I was too young, physically, to really appreciate such things.

Oh well.

Anyway, the baby missions were always helpful, as I'd never had the opportunity for any kind of real training before being tossed out of the cradle and told to run. I sucked at them, to be sure. What I needed was a sniper type of attack, but I haven't quite figured out how to narrow my chakra output and increase the density by that much and have it shoot away with the velocity of a bullet. Making a lightning type Spirit Gun would be incredibly handy, but I had no idea of how to go about designing something like that.

A thump on the table had me floating back to reality. I turned my gaze upward to see Yugito looking at me, as expressionlessly as ever. She glanced over all of the resources before looking back at me.

"How are you doing here?" she asked, her voice soft.

"I'm having the time of my life, obviously," I sarcastically told her. "I love spending all of my time cooped up in a haven of books. Can't possibly think of what else I could be doing right now."

A whisper of a smile appeared on her face before disappearing. She then held up a scroll, although it looked nothing like the ones I'd been reading. I stood up slowly, noting her serious countenance.

"What's that?"

Yugito frowned. "A mission – something to break up the monotony of being 'cooped up in a haven of books'."

Ignoring her dry commentary, I was surprised to see we were already going on a mission – I'd only been under her instruction for a couple of months or so. Then, at this thought, I inwardly scolded myself. I was acting as if I was going to be here for years upon years. Of course, that was very well a possibility, but I couldn't write off Konoha yet. I didn't know what all was happening on their end, but I was still faithful to my mission. For whatever reason, I wasn't certain anymore. I guess that I thought of it as akin to a promise, and I didn't like breaking promises, for better or for worse.

Still, I was a bit concerned. It was already November, nearly a year since I'd first started this crazy mess of a mission, and not a word of Konoha mobilizing for a possible war. I damn well knew that Kumo was wary due to the inaction and lack of a response from Konoha after the botched kidnapping attempt. I heard whispers here and there remarking on how odd it was for a large nation like Konoha to not act on a slight like that. Some people thought they were biding their time, preparing for war – hah, well, they kind of were – and others believed that Konoha was still too worn down from the third war and incapable of doing anything. This state of ambiguity was causing a great deal of anxiety, and I'd heard the Raikage was getting fed up with it. If Konoha was going to attack, let it come. Kumo would beat them down. If Konoha was going to curl in on itself, then Kumo would do them the favor of destroying them. This middle ground wasn't the Raikage's cup of tea though.

For a brief moment, I worried that I'd never be rid of this mission.

When I noticed Yugito's faint expression of concern, I shook my head to rid myself of my worries. I saw the pack she had set on the table, which had caused the thump from before. Yugito had already prepared my gear for me – in a way, I was happy about that since I really hated prepping for missions, but on the other hand, I hated having my stuff touched and organized in a different way than I was used to.

I hesitated, looking back at the mess of books and scrolls. She waved away my concern.

"Leave them. I'll apologize to the clerks later, but we don't have time to dally."

Hey, no skin off of my back. Putting away all those scrolls and books was a pain in the ass, so I had no problem walking away from all of it. I picked up the Kumo hitai-ate and tied it to my head before pulling the pack on and securing it. I then followed the blonde out of the library, falling down from the suspended building right after her. Unlike her, I still had to make a seal to focus my chakra all throughout my body, wary of the landing as the ground rushed up towards me. Yugito flipped and landed on a building roof with grace and ease, and I hit the roof almost right after her, although I definitely felt the stinging pain travel up my limbs and make me wince. Why did the shinobi library have to be all of the way up there? I seriously hated going up there, and the way down was never very fun, either.

Yugito was swift and quick as she dashed from one roof to another, although she never moved faster than I could follow. I was quicker now, but I still had a long way to go before I'd ever reach her level. She led us all the way to the village gates, only stopping once we arrived at the check-in station. The two guards stood up when Yugito approached, each one with a smile on his face.

"Nii-sama," one guard greeted. "Off on another mission? It's been quite some time."

She was as cordial as always. "Indeed. I was forced to take some time off to teach my new apprentice."

They two men both turned to look at me and I frowned at them, saying nothing. The man who hadn't spoken yet bent down to my eye level with a smile.

"Well, now, aren't you adorable?" he said glibly. "A genin going off on her first mission? That's wonderful. Hey, what's your name?"

I stared at him without blinking to show how little I cared for his question, and his smile slipped off of his face slowly. The silence that came afterwards was awkward and long until Yugito regained the attention of both men softly saying,

"I'm sorry, but we're in a bit of a hurry."

The first man nodded. "Of course, Nii-sama. Oh, and a word of caution before you go. Have you heard about the recent stirring?"

This caught her attention and she focused on them, her expression serious. "Stirring?"

"We've heard some buzzing here and there from both Konoha, and a few sources are indicating that Suna is making some moves. No one knows for certain what's going on, but we're pretty sure it has to do with The Incident, but it's already been nearly a year. Who knows what kind of plan that place has concocted after all of this time."

Yugito's shoulders tensed. "Konoha has been preparing for something big this entire time, and you say there are rumors of Suna being involved?"

"It sounds far-fetched," the guard said slowly. "After all, Konoha and Suna may be allied, but there's still some significant bad blood between the both of them. If they _are_ planning something together, then Kumo's at a disadvantage."

"Yes," she agreed. "We are. That's part of why our mission is so necessary at the moment. The Raikage informed me of something possibly happening soon, but was unsure of the time frame in which it would take place. I believe the plan was to take the initiative and take down Konoha while it was down on its luck, but it seems we are far too late for that approach."

Her eyes narrowed slightly before she stepped away from the guard station. "We should be off."

"Be safe, Nii-sama," one guard said, looking concerned. "Times are dangerous."

Yugito nodded and turned away, heading for the gates. When I reached her side, she gave me a curt nod and then sped off into the distance, with me on her heels. It had already begun snowing, which meant we were both using chakra to stay on top of the material, making certain that we left no tracks in our wake. We ran at my full speed for nearly an hour before Yugito slowed down to a more manageable pace. I'm certain this had absolutely nothing to do with the huffing and puffing I had started making about half an hour into the journey.

I'd been wanting to ask about the details of the mission, but knew Yugito wasn't the type to discuss particulars until she absolutely certain our surroundings were secure. She never did anything in half-measures – I wouldn't be able to ask anything until we were locked down for a break in an area that had been scanned for possible enemies. So, instead, I turned my attention inward to think about the information I'd just heard.

It was a relief to know that Konoha was definitely still working on enacting its revenge against Kumo, which meant my efforts weren't going to waste. I was a little disturbed about the idea of them going to Suna for assistance, and couldn't what kind of blood bath Kumo would turn into with two nations wrecking it. But then, I was far more disturbed by how little I cared about the actual affair. I had absolutely no attachment to either Kumo or Konoha, and only cared about the former out of a basic patriotic need. So long as specific people were safe, then Konoha could burn to the ground for all I cared.

I glanced at Yugito. It was hard to admit, but I'd grown fond of the woman, despite her annoying tendency to psychoanalyze me at every turn. Plus, I very much admired the fact that she'd grown up so well despite all of her past troubles, just like my sister. I guess that's what endeared me so much to her – she reminded me of Anko in many ways, although she was obviously very different. I was wary of letting her die in the upcoming storm, but considering the fact that she had a chakra beast within her, I was pretty sure that she would be okay. I suppose what I was most wary of was the day she found out my true identity. Despite her having killed my last contact, I couldn't keep myself from starting to care about her.

I closed my eyes. Obviously, her being so kind and gentle with me after months of no one caring at all hit me hard. I would've thought myself immune to such feelings, but it had definitely taken me by surprise. I could only hope that she never discovered the truth of my feelings, for both our sakes.

Would I be able to kill her when the time came? Could I close my heart and metaphorically pull the trigger?

Opening my eyes, I grimaced slightly when I looked at her running ahead of me. I had the worst feeling that I wouldn't be able to pull something like that off. I'd probably have to leave that to someone else, and spend the rest of my life feeling guilty about her being hurt as both a direct and indirect result of my actions.

Geez, I was like a little puppy. A little show of care and love and I was already forgetting my boundaries and loyalties. I think what concerned me most was that I didn't actually care, but when I thought about what my sister would think... Well. She was as loyal to Konoha as ever, and she would never consider leaving an enemy of Konoha alive, not if it meant her village's death. I almost wish I had that type of mettle in me.

Yugito stopped us a couple of hours later, as we were reaching the coastal shore. We were still surrounded by trees and vegetation, and it was at this point that she decided to finally let us take a rest, all while keeping a lookout on our surroundings, to make sure we weren't jumped by anyone stupid or idiotic enough to take a Jinchuuriki on. I was only too happy to plop down against the trunk of a tree and stare blankly at the ground. My stamina was still something worth scoffing over, but Yugito seemed bound determined to change that. Well, at the very least, I was very certain I could take on a couple of teams of genin without any support by this point. Chuunin... Maybe if it was just one or two, I could dish something out, with a hell of a lot of luck as well. Jounin? Hah, my ass would be handed back to Kumo (Konoha?) on a platter.

My mentor jumped down from a branch, her eyes shifting back and forth as she carefully judged our surroundings. She walked up towards me, sitting down smoothly. Yugito shrugged off her pack and rummaged through it before pulling out the scroll she'd shown me earlier today. She tossed it to me gently and I snatched it out of the air, eagerly opening it to see what the hell was going on.

"Rank: B, A. Rendezvous with the informant on the outskirts of Kiri. Shield and protect informant and escort informant back to village without detection. Informant is known by a number of countries, and is invaluable to the village's future intentions. Risks may include: confrontation with other nations' shinobi, an unwillingness to participate by the informant, the informant's capture by any of the nations, the informant's death by any of the nations.

"In the case of a confrontation, subdue and capture the enemy shinobi for interrogation. Otherwise, eliminate all hindrances. In the case of the informant's capture, stage a rescue attempt providing it does not prove to be a suicide run. In the case of the informant's death, return to the village immediately. Should the informant be considered hazardous to the mission, use your sound judgment henceforth."

I peered down at the scroll, my eyes narrowed before I looked up at Yugito. She let out a small sigh.

"This was not what I'd intended for your first true mission," she admitted slowly.

"So, is this a B-Ranked mission, or an A-Ranked mission?" I asked, only desiring more information. What informant was worth this kind of risk?

Yugito gave our area another quick sweep of her gaze before turning back to me. "It's both, technically. You heard at the gate about Konoha started to make odd moves, with Suna becoming enfolded in the matter as well? This mission stems from that problem. It has come to Kumo's knowledge that there is an informant out there who is aware of the actions of each individual country. How much the man, or woman, knows couldn't be ascertained, but that information is incredibly valuable and could possibly turn the tides of the upcoming war. Were this a simple escort mission, just getting in and out with the target, it would be ranked B, more than likely."

She paused. "However, if we happen to run into enemy figures, the probability of this mission being upgraded a level is incredibly high. We aren't the only ones hoping for this information – it could be the difference between success and failure with whatever may come."

I rolled up the scroll and tossed it back to her, and she easily caught it. "Sure, that makes sense, I guess. So everyone's hunting this guy down, but he's somewhere in Kiri? What's stopping others from getting to him first?"

"That's why we need to hurry," she explained. "I am wary about this, though. You are not yet advanced enough to confront enemy soldiers on your own, much less capture them for possible interrogation."

"You can't even see the island from here," I pointed out. "It'll take days to get to Kiri, and besides, won't they see a boat chugging up like it owns the place?"

She stood up, brushing herself off. "Indeed. Let me take care of our transport and passage onto the island. You simply need to rest yourself for the upcoming battle."

I stood up as well, grabbing my pack and lifting it back onto my shoulders. She took one last look around before charging forward out of the forest area and towards the shore. I saw her look around a bit before her gaze caught on something and a determined expression appeared on her face. I followed her gaze out to see a cargo ship out on the waters, moving along at a steady speed.

"That's our ride," she murmured to me, and I stared at her as if she were crazy. "That's the reason we needed to leave so quickly – all so we could make that ride in time. It's a cargo ship bypassing our country from the Land of Frost. It has to take the journey slow until it reaches open waters, but from here on out, it will go full speed towards the Land of Water. It shouldn't take more than five to six hours to reach the shore."

I felt my shoulders sag a bit. "Don't tell me we're running out there to catch up with it."

"We've got a short window to reach it before the full engines kick in," she replied. "Let's hurry."

"I don't like you very much right now," I muttered as she took off onto the ocean's waters ahead of me.

I took in a deep breath and launched myself after her, steadily planting my feet on the surface as if it were solid ground. My arms drifted naturally to my sides to decrease air resistance as I matched Yugito stride for stride. The two of us rushed forward, ignoring the water that splashed onto us as we neared closer and closer to our destination. All of a sudden, though, I heard small hum grow increasingly louder and the water behind the ship seemed to turn a bright red.

"What's –" I started, but Yugito cut me off, her eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Hurry!" she commanded, her voice no longer carrying its lilt of gentleness. "They're charging the engines with chakra. If they manage that before we get there, we'll never reach it in time."

"Roger!" I exclaimed in return, focusing all of my energy on pushing myself forward more and more.

We were about a couple hundred meters away when the hum turned into a deafening roar and the ship was now pulling away from us bit by bit, making the distance ever larger. I made a small sound of dismay and Yugito let out a "tch" sound before abruptly stopping, grabbing the back of my collar, flipping me onto the back of her pack, and then bending down deeply. I almost saw chakra spiral around her before we were suddenly flying across the water like a fearsome torrent. I could barely tell out the tides of the water as we blazed across its surface, and I clutched onto her pack for dear life.

Far faster than would have been possible at my speed, we neared the ship and Yugito pushed off of the water and up onto the vessel. I got off her back immediately, my eyes narrowing as I scoped out our surroundings just as she did. The two of us relaxed slightly, and she silently motioned for me to follow after her. I fell in line behind her, utilizing chakra to keep my steps silent as we made our way across the deck. We went down one of the outer corridors, hugging the walls as much as we could before coming across an unfortunate worker whose eyes widened incredibly as he saw us.

"Hey, what are you two –"

Yugito flashed forward and spun the guy around, slamming his back against the wall as she held a kunai to his throat. The man's lips quivered and his nostrils flared, and I could even see his legs trembling some. He looked petrified as Yugito eyed him calmly.

"Where is the cargo hatch?" she murmured, and I turned to keep an eye out on our surroundings. I could feel my fingers twitching, as if I were expecting some kind of fight.

I heard the man whimper. "T-towards the s-stern, s-starboard-side... Y-you can't miss it..."

"I should hope not," Yugito responded before making a hand seal. As his eyes clouded over, she whispered, "Thank you."

She left the man leaning against the wall and turned to me. Nodding her head once, she took off down an intersecting corridor and heading to the starboard side, doubling back down toward the way we came. We ran across five other individuals, but I used my genjutsu and took them out with little difficulty, and leaned them against a wall, making it seem as if they were sleeping. Yugito glanced around us before pulling open the latch, her muscles straining before it yielded to her efforts. She looked down into its dark depths before shaking her head slightly and gesturing for me to go down first. I grimaced, but didn't disobey her. I looked down at the darkness that reeked of something horrible before taking the plunge, so to speak. As soon as I landed, I slapped a hand to my nose to cut off the offending smell.

What, what, what, what _was_ that terrible smell? Oh my God, it smelled as if something had been left rotting for years. As Yugito sealed the latch after her, I hesitantly approached the nearest object container, I reeled backwards.

"I-is that a sanitation container?" I muttered, horrified. "We're going to be spending the next umpteen hours next to vats of _poop_?"

Yugito didn't seem as taken aback as I was. Rather, she seemed intrigued. "Hm, so this must be one of the carriers for different types of fertilizer. These must have come all the way from Iwa, which means they're particularly pungent – that's wonderful for the farming community."

I looked at her, unimpressed that she knew something as obtuse as that. "I'm not so sure we're on the same page, here. At least grimace or something."

"I shut off my olfactory sensors," she said matter-of-factly, closing her eyes. "My sense of smell is on par with a cat's. I wouldn't last more than two minutes smelling that, much less for six hours."

"Well, bully for you!" I exclaimed with some irritation. "What about me? I can't turn off my sense of smell like you."

She looked at me for a short moment before the edge of her mouth quirked up in a half-grin. "Tough."

I stared at her, disbelieving that this was the Yugito I'd come to know over the past two months. "This... This is punishment for something I did, isn't it? It is, isn't it? Damn, woman."

Yugito let out a small bit of laughter at that. "No, not at all. There's simply nothing you can do at the moment but endure it. I am sorry, though."

"Then make some yakiniku for once, would you?" I muttered, very irritable that I would have to smell something so horrible for so long.

Meat was hard to come by up in Kumo, so it was very, very expensive to buy – especially in large quantities. I never got to have meat much anymore, which really, really sucked.

Yugito smiled at me. "Done."

"Well, that's something, at least," I continued to mutter.

She moved behind some of the containers, settling down once we were more or less surrounded by the structures. I shuffled behind her, muttering various expletives about my current situation. When I sat down next to her, Yugito drew her knees up to her chest and let her head fall back against surface of one container.

"Get some rest. There's little else to do for the moment, so you may as well allow yourself some relaxation before we arrive, to prepare yourself for what is soon to come."

I scowled at her as I sat down at her side. Like I'd be able to sleep much with all of this literal crap all around me. I crossed my shoulders and stared stubbornly into the darkness until I felt her lightly touch the top of my head and draw me close to her. I saw chakra gravitate around her fingers before she touched my nose, and all of a sudden, I couldn't smell a damn thing. It was the most bewildering experience, although it was far better this way than it had been to be tortured by the smell of feces. After I got over my surprise, I glared at her.

"You could've done that from the start!" I accused her. "You're actually a sadist in disguise, aren't you?"

She chuckled. "Maybe."

"I hate you."

Yugito drew my head towards her bosom, and I almost jerked away before she slowly stroked my hair, calming me almost immediately. My muscles slackened and I found myself leaning against her.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't manage a better mission for you," she murmured to me, still stroking my hair. "I really hadn't meant to put you in such a precarious position so quickly. I'm concerned things will not progress as smoothly as I'd otherwise like..."

I only let out a sigh. "It doesn't matter."

Her hand hesitated before continuing its stroking. "I want you to promise me something."

"Hm?"

Yugito slid a finger underneath my chin and tilted my head back until I was looking at her. "Promise me that should things go south, you'll get yourself out of there."

I frowned. I had no intention of running to safety while my ally – enemy? – was pushing herself against terrible odds. Ah, but if someone managed to take out a Jinchuuriki of Kumo, that would make the fight a hell of a lot easier for Konoha, and presumably Suna... But, no, I couldn't just leave her to that kind of fate, could I?

These thoughts continued to whirl around in my mind and I eventually just frowned at her. "We'll see."

"I mean it," she said, her eyes searching and almost pleading. "As a jounin, I can take care of myself, but you are not only still young, but still a genin. I will work much better if I don't have to worry about you at every turn."

I just gave her a grin. "I was told once that I'm good at getting out of sticky situations. Don't worry."

She resumed her stroking as I laid my head against her chest again, but I could just barely hear her mumble,

"That's what I'm most afraid of."

Needless to say, I was starting to feel conflicted about my loyalties as of late.

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Right. So, anyway. Yeah. As usual, let me know if anything's missing in my sentences.


	22. Chapter 22

So, guys. This chapter, man. I decided to get my butt out of the house and do adult things, like getting my car taken care of, and BAM. I'm in the waiting room and ideas are hounding me. I'm like, no, no. I've got two hours before I get home. You ideas can wait. Pfft, right. They assaulted me, and before I knew it, I had my handy, dandy notebook out (cry out to the original Blue's Clues!) and was writing down everything as fast as I could. I'd written a near third of this yesterday, but my body died and I went to sleep. So, now it's done, for better or for worse. Oh, man. Hotaru is soooo messed up.

Guest reviews! C'mon guests, use different names so I can shout out at you!

Guest: Heeeeeeeeeey. Look at that, you were right. :) Good job. Thanks for reading!

ALSO. I've been getting requests to show Anko/Yugito's POVs at times, and you know, I might do that, but it'll come later. Far later, like, after the story is finished. I'd rather you guys just wonder incessantly with much curiosity. That's right, SUFFER. BAHAHAHA.

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I clapped a hand over my nose as soon as I woke up.

"While I was sleeping!" I yelled out, whirling around and glaring at her. "You turned my sense of smell back on while I was sleeping! You sadist! How could you?"

She stood up and stretched, her hands reaching high into the air. "You're awake now, aren't you? My goal has been met."

Yugito walked away from me, her ponytail trailing after her as she moved towards the hatch. I glared at her back the entire time, my hands still closing my nose as I breathed in through my mouth. That alternative was hardly any better though, because I felt like I could almost _taste_ the monstrosity. I made a face as Yugito slowly lifted the latch, peeking her head up enough just to check if the coast was clear or not. She looked down at me, gave a single nod, and then pushed the latch open completely. My hands flew through seals before I jumped up and out of the storage area, swirling around as I checked for anyone who might be around. My stance low, I gave a thorough look around before terminating my technique and waving Yugito up.

She crawled out of the latch and hefted the lid closed again. Standing up fully, her dark eyes looked down the length of the ship. In the near distance, I could tell out the obvious greenery of the island ahead of us. We couldn't be more than half an hour away from docking by this point. Yugito approached the edge of the ship, leaning over it before rising up again.

"Get on my back," she told me. "I don't trust that someone won't notice us if we travel at your speed."

"Well, _excuse_ me for being slow," I muttered crossly.

She shook her head before correcting me, "You aren't slow by any means. This will require a shunshin, which is something you don't quite know yet."

Without another word, I clambered on over her pack. I was about to ask how far we'd shunshin before my surroundings suddenly blitzed out of view and we were out on the water nearly a kilometer away. I saw the smallest bead of sweat slide down her face as I slid off her back and landed on the water. Yugito took in a short breath before waving me on as she ran forward towards the island. I watched her carefully as I matched her speed, but she didn't give any other signs of tiredness or exhaustion, so I left well enough alone. She knew herself far better than I did, so it wasn't really my place to worry.

The moment we hit the beach though, I was so happy not to have to exert more energy than necessary just to keep myself from a good salt bath. Yugito didn't bother stopping at the shore, and we quickly took to the trees, our steps light as we touched down on each branch. She slowed down a bit until she was next to me, and spoke softly.

"The last sighting of our target was on the border of Kirigakure, in a small town to the northeast. It took us a little over five hours to reach here, and there's a chance that we will be competing with others for this person's information. Just as the scroll indicated, our objective is to take the informant captive and keep him safe until we reach our village. Best case scenario would have the person comply with our demands, or even willingly cooperate, but I am going to assume that we will be met with opposition. Not only by the target, but also by all those others trying to reach the same goal."

I frowned. "Do we have any idea of what this guy looks like, or what kind of situation we'll really be heading into? Do you know what people the other countries might send?"

"ANBU, most presumably," Yugito answered. "I highly doubt they would send anything ranked any lower than jounin, though it is possible that a high-ranked chuunin might show up. As for who each country would send in particular, I couldn't say for sure. There are a number of people who would be suitable for the task, but I wouldn't be able to pinpoint any specific person without more research into the matter. We are practically running into this blind."

She paused for a moment, her eyes narrowing as she turned inward towards her thoughts. "Let's run over our plan of operation. Regardless of what happens, emphasis on 'regardless', you are _not_ to take on any person ranked higher than a chuunin. I don't even want you to attempt those odds, if it can be helped."

"You can't be serious," I argued. "You're just going to take on every single ANBU that comes at you with the intention to kill and you want me to stay on the sidelines?"

Yugito stopped unexpectedly, and I flew past her onto the next branch before turning around, feeling confused. I stood up entirely and opened my mouth to complain when I saw her glare at me.

"You will not argue with me on this," she told me, her undertones dark and foreboding. "I did not bring you along only so you could die before you lived."

I glared back. "You didn't bring me along to be some poster child who sat watching off to the sides, either."

"Don't argue with me," she murmured, and I could detect _something_ , but wasn't sure what I was sensing. "Those ANBU will kill you as if you were a cooing chick. You won't even register on their mind by even a quotient."

"Then why am I here?" I demanded to know. "You could've left me in the library and come here on your own, or with someone more competent. Why am I here with you if not to fight?"

I could tell her patience with me was starting to wane, but it wasn't for the reason that I'd assumed.

Yugito's lips firmed and I saw a flash of her perfectly white teeth as she gritted them. Then, she focused on me again.

"I want you to gain experience," she said eventually, her voice not betraying any of the emotion that had passed across her face. "I want you to grow stronger so that this won't become a problem again. But not like this. You aren't ready to deal with the people we'll be up against."

"Then why didn't you leave me back in Kumo?" I finally erupted with, irritated. "This could've all been avoided, just like that. You bring me here because you want me to gain experience, but you don't want me here because you don't want me to fight and die. Isn't that part of being a shinobi? I don't get why I'm here!"

She, surprisingly, lost hold of that tight grip she'd had on her control. "I brought you here because otherwise the...! Because I...!"

Yugito eventually fell silent, her hands on her hips as her eyes fell down to look at the ground far below us. I watched her with some trepidation, but she only slowly lifted her gaze back up to me. She took in a deep breath and shook her head slightly. When she spoke again, her voice was back to her usual emotionless tones.

"We should go," she told me, as direct as ever. "Let me say this though: if it comes to the point that it is either your life or theirs, by all means, fight. But don't look for trouble insensibly. If I need help, I will tell you. If I think there is no chance for success, I will tell you. If I believe you are capable of handling an enemy on your own, again, I will tell you. But I ask that you never, ever, go looking for trouble. Don't put yourself in a situation that you don't think you can win, no matter what the case. And, if it is a matter of you or me surviving, then I want you gone. Don't even think about it."

I frowned more deeply, but she only regarded me expressionlessly. "I'm not doing that."

Her eyes sharpened somewhat, but I held my ground. "You can't seriously think I'm the type to duck and run when the going gets tough, can you? You must be out of your mind."

I saw her eyes narrow again, but she just turned her gaze away. Without a word, Yugito jumped forward onto another branch, and within moments, was heading towards our target yet again. I was taken aback by abrupt finish of our conversation, but realized there were more important things to think about than whether I would fight or not. I sped forward to catch up with her, but she always stayed just barely out of reach, two to three branches ahead. She never once looked back at me, and if I hadn't thought I'd had a grasp on her personality by now, I would've thought her angry at me. Yugito just didn't get angry, though, and when she did, there was always a sound reason for why. And, so, if she, the most logical kunoichi in existence, couldn't explain what she was thinking, that was either reason to be afraid or because there was nothing to explain. I was going to settle for the latter.

We'd traversed through the forest for about half an hour before Yugito came to a quick halt, her head turning left and right and as she held out a hand to keep me from moving ahead further. Her eyes narrowed dangerously, and her right hand flipped through a couple of sign hurriedly. I gritted my teeth but called upon my genjutsu and flipped back out of the way, minimizing my chakra signal as best as I was able. Two minutes later, three ANBU from Kiri appeared on the branches of the trees around Yugito. I pressed myself up against the tree trunk from a dozen branches away or so, my eyes taking in every small twitch that my mentor made as she sized up her opponents.

"Looks like this little missy's gotten lost," I barely heard one ANBU said, cracking the joke with some derision.

Another cracked his knuckles. "How about we show her how to get back home?"

"Oh, I'll show her _something_ , but it won't be how to get home," the last one leered.

The first one tilted his head a bit before saying, "Hey, doesn't she look familiar to you?"

At that, Yugito suddenly shunshined right in front of the first ANBU, her speed faster than he could compensate for as she snapped a kick out at him, a kunai in her hands as she then flickered behind him and stabbed the piece of metal straight into his back. The man made a small sound of surprise as he fell forward, down to the ground below. The other two ANBU stared with shock at their fallen comrade before finally springing into action. Yugito leapt back in a quick flip as one man came charging while another readied a water jutsu.

I stared as Yugito pulled off a technique without using a single seal, the lightning crackling and blitzing back and forth around her hands as she evaded the fierce pump of water and sped forward faster than I could follow. One ANBU snuck up behind her and stabbed his tantou straight through Yugito's neck, and for a moment, I nearly dropped my genjutsu from panic. Then, just as I was getting ready to leap into the fray, Yugito melted down into a pile of mud and my mouth gaped open as I looked around hastily, wondering where the hell she was, when she'd made the switch, and when she'd made the clone.

Yugito lunged forward, her elongated nails cleanly stabbed straight through the back of one man's neck in a similar fashion to how he'd attempted to kill her. She pulled her nails back out, each one slowly filing down to its normal length as she fixed the last ANBU with an unimpressed expression. He hesitated somewhat.

"You're Kumo's Jinchuuriki... The cat girl..."

"Correct," she responded casually before assaulting him, two kunai in her hands.

The ANBU winced against the strength in her attack, but fought back, making small grunts here and there as he tried to push her back. He slammed a kick into her midsection, sending her sliding back a bit. He flipped through over a dozen seals before yelling,

"Suiton: Daiteppoudama!"

Yugito answered in kind with, "Raiton no Heki!"

Her wall erected just as a giant ball of water shot out of the man's mouth, slamming straight into it. Waves of water crashed against her wall in a single blow, and I saw the lightning flicker as its durability began to fail. The wind that picked up ruffled the tendrils of her hair, though I never saw her blink once as she focused all of her attention on her opponent. When the water finally faded away, so, too, did her barrier. Yugito stood up straight, looking unaffected by what she'd just been dealt, and the ANBU readied himself for a continuation of the battle. The blonde paused momentarily and I saw her left hand slowly, and purposefully, make a sign before she wrapped her fingers tightly around her kunai again.

I stared at her, unable to believe what she wanted me to do after that lecture from before. But, then I remembered:

 _"If I need help, I will tell you. If I think there is no chance for success, I will tell you. If I believe you are capable of handling an enemy on your own, again, I will tell you. But I ask that you never, ever, go looking for trouble."_

Oh. Right. Okay then.

I sped forward, remembering what she'd taught me about being noiseless in my attack. Yugito lowered her stance, forcing the ANBU to concentrate solely on her as I ran through seals and with one last burst of energy, flew at the man. I saw him turn around just as my genjutsu failed, and raise up his arm to block my blow. Instead, though, I focused my chakra to the soles of my feet, attaching myself to his arm before flipping downwards to land right in front of him, my hands crackling with lightning. He probably would've been able to fight against me if a clone of Yugito hadn't appeared directly behind him, taking his attention off of me for the slightest second.

With a burst of speed that I didn't know I possessed, I leapt off of the branch, slamming my hands against the man's chest, making him erupt with a chilled yell of pain before he slumped down onto his knees and tumbled down to the ground. I looked down at where he'd fallen, my chest heaving as I took in as much air as I could. Yugito's clone in front of me gave me the smallest of smiles before vanishing into thin air. I turned around to see her real self – or, what I thought was her real form – approach me with a nod.

"Well done," she complimented, and I found myself struggling not to beam happily.

Yugito hardly ever complimented me. She commented on things I did well, but never did any compliments actually come out of her mouth, really. I coughed into my hand and she chuckled, obviously knowing how pleased I was. Then she paused again before letting out a soft sigh.

"I apologize for earlier," she said, causing me to quirk an eyebrow with surprise.

She shook her head. "I was angry. Not at you... Well, partially at you, but more so at myself. I was angry that you seem so willing to throw away your life. You only have one – why are you so willing to waste it away on something so meaningless?"

I wasn't about to tell her this was actually my _second_ life. Moot points are moot.

I didn't bother answering, and she turned away.

"I am...frustrated, to say the least. Frustrated that I have known you for only a few months, and yet, there is this illogical desire to keep you from harm. I do not fully understand why, but I know it aggravates me when you do not see how meaningful your life is when, at the same time, I do. I see its meaning, and its importance, and yet, you do not seem to care."

"If I die, then it has to be worth something," I murmured. "I'm not throwing myself into danger because I enjoy the lifestyle – I'm doing it because it's both part of my duty and because I have a desire to help you as well. What's so wrong about that?"

She frowned at me. "Your logic is flawed, Shinrai. It frightens me that you don't see how close you are to the edge. At this rate, you will fall, no matter how much I try to prevent it."

I shrugged. What could I say? "Let's head to the rendezvous point."

"Yes," she agreed. "But first, tell me. How many friends do I have, off the top of your head?"

I blinked, finding myself at a loss. Friends? She probably had several that I didn't know about.

I tilted my head, thinking of the people I'd seen her interact with on a normal basis, and found myself growing slightly concerned. I dug deeper into my memories and realized I wasn't coming up with anything. What the hell did I know though?

She gave me a sad smile when she saw my expression. "No, I'm fairly certain that what you're thinking is the truth. I have many an acquaintance, but I am severely lacking as far as friendships are concerned. That is a result of my status as a Jinchuuriki."

I nodded slowly. "Right..."

"The point is," she stated, her voice lowering as if she were uncertain of what she was saying, "that I have come to care for you. That is why I do not want you looking for danger. That is why I do not want you throwing away your life. And that is why I brought you with me."

At that last point, I frowned at her in confusion, but she turned away quickly. She took in a deep breath.

"Let's move on. Who knows what we'll be facing up ahead."

I fell silent as I leapt through the trees alongside her, and I struggled to accept her words. Doing so made something inside me hurt, though, so I forced them to the back of my mind where I could hopefully one day forget them. I didn't like hearing words like that – words that told me a person genuinely cared about me, especially when I knew they had no reason for it. I was living a lie, after all. I wasn't someone she should hold any feelings of any kind for. It just wasn't right to acknowledge those feelings because it felt like that meant they might hold some truth to them, so I shoved them out of the way so I didn't have to deal with them.

She wasn't rushing forward with as much urgency as before, although I knew we were on a schedule.

"Hey, are you okay?" I inquired, wondering if I should even ask.

Yugito nodded. "I am well. I am rather irritated that my earlier frustration prevented me from properly subverting those ANBU. We were lucky to get rid of them before they radioed in for help, but I would have preferred to leave confrontation until later, when it became absolutely necessary."

"Like, when we get to the informant?"

She chuckled some. "We won't be reaching our target until we deal with all the other obstacles in the way. My clones have already located the Iwa team, and they're both high-level jounin. Fortunately, they're already in the midst of a battle with the Suna shinobi, and Konoha's matched against Kiri."

That sounded good, though. "So, why aren't we heading straight in for the target while they're all occupied?"

The blonde frowned, blinking a few times before shaking her head. "Because Suna has done away with Iwa due to higher numbers on their side. Suna sent in five people, two of which are now dead, as compared to the three that Iwa sent."

She paused before continuing. "Konoha has since won against the Kiri soldiers as well, and they'll be on the lookout for anyone from Kumo. Had I known there would be so many of them, I would have pleaded for Killer Bee to be allowed to come with me as well. There is little point regretting my misinformation and inaction, though, I suppose."

"How many from Konoha then?" I asked, not wishing to fight against my home village.

"Four," she answered, her jaw tightening. "They sent in seven, originally, but considering how close we are to Kirigakure, it only makes sense that Kiri would send enough to take down a few Konoha ninja, despite how robust and well-trained the latter are."

I let my breath ease out slowly, my heart starting to race as I understood what we would be against. "Damn."

I feel like my mentor would have replied with something similar when her eyes widened largely and she quickly grabbed a hold of the back of my vest, whipping me backwards as she vaulted herself back with a double somersault through the air. I flew back until I landed harshly on my stomach on a large branch. Wincing at the pain, I saw Yugito standing some ways away from the seven shinobi that now faced her. My eyes took in each individual, and I grew worried as I wondered how my mentor would take on all of them at once.

One Suna ninja tilted his head. "I was wondering when you Kumo scum would pop up."

"Konoha and Suna working together," Yugito responded disdainfully. "I never thought I would live to see the day."

"Shut up!" shouted one Konoha ninja. "You doujutsu thieves always have to poke your nose into everyone else's business. Eat lead and die!"

Yugito tilted her head down, but I couldn't see her expression from where I was. Whatever it had been, it was enough for the enemies – friends? – to take a step back. Then, six of them of them lowered their stance, hands baring different tools of weaponry. I was still worried, but something clicked in my head as I watched them.

Wait, six? Weren't there seven?

Too late, I felt a flicker of chakra appear near me. I felt myself turn around so slowly that it felt like time had nearly come rearing to a halt. My eyes rose bit by bit to the mask covering the Konoha ANBU's face, and a flash of fear struck me hard. He shifted his kunai in his hand and made as if to slash my neck when, bam, all of a sudden, Yugito was there with a solid counterstrike. She appeared so unexpectedly that it took the enemy by surprise as her nails plunged straight through his chest. Blood splattered onto her face as she glared at the man more dangerously and fiercely than I'd ever before seen. In the same slow-motion as before, her clothes rippled slightly as her long ponytail swayed upward from her momentum and velocity.

She, purposefully and determinedly, turned around, her back facing me as she eyed her opponents. Kunai appeared in her hands as I saw the muscles in her arms tense and tighten. She lifted her gaze to stare down her opposition.

"Find the informant," Yugito murmured to me, her voice authoritative. "Shut off every seal you have for speed and get out of here. Hide yourself, find the target, and begin the transaction."

"But, what about you?" I asked, knowing I'd be no help here, but not wanting to just flee when she was putting her life on the line.

Her voice grew strained as the enemies slowly made their way over. "If you're here, I will not be able to fight properly. And, I do not want you to see what I become when I fight seriously. Please. Go."

I didn't need to be told a third time, as if twice wasn't enough as it was. I made the Ram seal to focus my chakra, muttering, "Release!"

Yugito must have been really upset if she wanted me to go this far. Like Anko, every part of the waking day could be considered some kind of training exercise, so it was only fitting that she wanted me to use the same seals as Anko had originally. Unlike Anko, though, these ones were directly on my body. Sitting still long enough for Yugito to draw them on me had been torturous – I'd never considered myself the ticklish type, but now I knew the horror that came from being so. Damn, if only I'd been a little older. Then, that would have turned into a different type of torture, I'm sure.

Right. Running away now. I hadn't forgotten.

I flipped back onto a different tree branch before lowering my stance and darting against a trunk and volleying myself away from all of the ninja. I heard someone shout out after I'd vanished from the scene, and could feel the chakra signature of someone chasing after me. I couldn't allow myself to think about who it might have been and continued racing through the trees as fast as my legs could carry me. I was probably about as fast as a mid-level chuunin at this point, but that wouldn't hold up for long against a full-fledged ANBU, or even a trainee.

When I felt them catch up, I let myself swing down to underneath a branch and rocketed myself to the forest floor, touching down as lightly as I could before shooting forward again. I didn't know the area very well and it was all starting to look the same after a while, but the sounds of battle were growing fainter with every step.

Sweat streamed down my face as my heart thundered in my chest. Dodge past one tree to the right, flip to the left, go up the trunk and into the branches again, head back down to the forest floor...

"Man, give up!" I complained as the enemy continued closing in. "You're so fucking persistent!"

The feeling of a malicious chakra swept through the area, and I was instantly reminded of years ago when the Kyuubi had attacked Konoha. That, no matter how "young" I'd been, was a feeling I would never, ever be able to forget. The malice coursed through my body, and a shudder shook my entire body. I tripped on a branch, barely able to twist myself enough to block an assault with kunai that had somehow come into my hand. I fell back through the air, shifting around just barely to land on all fours. I barely had time to take in a breath before the ANBU was on me again, their tantou striking down at the very spot I'd been just nanoseconds before.

Using my enhanced speed, I flipped and turned to avoid each blow until the ANBU struck out with their tantou, barely cutting me with a glancing blow. The edge slipped across the front of my shirt, leaving a line of open skin in its wake. I choked back a cry and reached further within me for extra strength, enough to evade the killing strike. I pulled my kunai back into my hand, intent on going on the offensive for once, but the enemy batted my weapon away with their iron-plated glove, before rounding back and slapping me straight across the face, hard enough to make me see stars.

The force was enough to push me up into the air into a lateral spin before I crashed against the ground. I struggled to push myself up when a kick struck my side and hurled me back across the ground, just barely missing the edge of a tree.

The ANBU walked towards me slowly, knowing I was done for. I coughed out some blood, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand as I turned my gaze over to my executioner.

"Goddamn, but you hit hard as hell," I gasped out, my eyes narrowed. "But, I'm not done, yet!"

I forced myself to stand up and threw off my heavy pack before shoving my hand into a pouch at my hip. I took out a brown pill and stuffed it into my mouth. When the bitter medicine coated my tongue, I grimaced, but let out a sigh of relief when chakra flooded my body and felt renewed.

"That won't help you," the ANBU declared, not even fazed in the least.

"Maybe not," I agreed, holding up the Rabbit seal. "But this might! Genjutsu: Fukashi no Kaze!"

I hardly even felt the jolt from losing all of that chakra with the soldier pill fueling me. I saw the ANBU stop completely, and was fairly certain I didn't have long until they caught onto my chakra signature, despite how long I was forcing it to be. I let out a deep breath as chakra ran towards my right hand as I softly put my hands together in the lightest clap possible before darting to the side and trying to flank my opponent. For the slightest moment, I thought I might succeed for once as crackling chakra roared around my hands just as I was right on top of my enemy. Then, out of nowhere, a kick that sunk deeply into my torso sent me flying back, my breath a lost memory as I was sent careening. My back slammed right up against a tree trunk that just _somehow_ happened to be there, and I hung suspended from the momentum before sliding down bit by bit until my butt was completely down on the ground.

The ANBU faced me from across the field, and I barely had enough sense of self to grumble aloud.

"Goddamn trees. Why is there _always_ a tree for me to just _happen_ to crash into? Fuck, this brings back memories. All I need now is a fucking bomb explosion, and hey, a childhood reunion."

The ANBU was still watching my crumpled form from where he – she? I couldn't tell properly due to the _fucking pounding in my head_ – was standing, or at least I assumed they were, since their mask was directed towards me.

I could still hear the blasts and crashes from Yugito, or the beast she'd turned into, as she continued to fight against all of the ninja we'd encountered. I couldn't see it, but I knew she was tearing the lot of them apart. I turned my attention back to the person in front of me, wondering if I'd finally be meeting my end, or if Yugito would appear like a knight in shining armor to rescue me. It was a definite possibility, as she most certainly had a number of times before, but I didn't think she'd make it this time. That was a sobering, and very depressing thought, and I will still cradling a great number of regrets within me. I'd never been able to tell my sister goodbye for real, after all, and I wondered if this person would do me the honor of relating that particular message for me.

Doubtful.

I saw the enemy's shoulders tense before they shook their head. "I don't believe this. This can't be right. A genin? They sent out a genin for this?"

Technically, I wasn't a genin in Kumo, as I'd never actually passed the exam there, but hey, the stronger person with the big knife could think _whatever_ they felt like.

"Believe it," I murmured in return. God, had I really just said that? "I'd chakra bomb your ass given half the chance, but what was I thinking, going against an ANBU? Yugito was so right."

I felt my face heat up as I bit my bottom lip. Was I really going to die this time?

"Cha–" I heard the ANBU start before freezing completely. "...Chakra bomb? An invisibility genjutsu?"

My eyes narrowed with confusion as the ANBU put a hand to their mask. "A genin? It couldn't be... I can't believe..."

The person paused before their now deeper voice suddenly whispered, "...Hotaru...?"

My eyes snapped up to the ANBU's face so quickly I thought they were going to pop out of my head entirely. A strange feeling came over me as I stared intently, both despair and pain starting to fill my heart.

That voice... No. I must have been imagining things. I mean, it'd been so long since I'd last heard it, that I felt as if I'd long since forgotten it, but... My mouth moved but I couldn't manage to make any sounds.

The ANBU took a step towards me. "...Hotaru? Please, tell me this isn't some sick joke. I can't take this anymore..."

That clenched it for me. My breath coming out harshly, I whispered, "...Anko?"

I couldn't move. Even had I been physically capable of the action, I wouldn't have from the shock roaring through my body at this very moment. Out of all the people I could've run into of all places, out of _all_ the places we could've met, of all the _times_ possible to meet, we met here, as actual enemies? I'd almost been killed by my own sister? She'd almost killed her own sister? What had I done so wrong, what had _we_ done so wrong to deserve this?

The ANBU slowly, haltingly, pushed her mask upwards until I could see those beautiful caramel-brown eyes of hers, and from each one fell one tear that soon turned into two, and then countless as she was suddenly in front of me, holding me tightly within her arms as I felt her body tremble.

"I thought you were dead! God, they told me you were dead, that you died in the attack. I believed every word, and all this time, you'd been in Kumo... I'd thought you were dead!"

She continued repeating those words over and over until I found myself incapable of withholding my own tears. I gently laid a hand on her shuddering form, willing myself not to clutch to her, because if I did, I wasn't sure if I'd ever be able to let go. I didn't want to have to let go.

"Anko," I managed to say, my voice hiccupping slightly as I tried to speak through my tears, "you're going to blow my cover."

It was a few more moments before she finally drew back, wiping her face with her gloves, although that hid none of the redness in her eyes. "Right."

Anko turned away from me, sniffling as she fought to get herself under control. When she next looked back, though, I saw her eyes filled with a rage I could never have imagined would display itself in any of her expressions. She turned her gaze over at where the battle was taking place, the sounds growing ever closer as Yugito fought to reach me.

She smiled without mirth.

"Are they taking care of you, at least? Feeding you properly?"

"Yugito's a great cook," I replied, drying my tears. Then, with a smirk, "Better than you, even."

"Thank God for small favors," she shot back, and for a second it felt like nothing had changed; then she flipped her mask back down and stood up. She walked away a few dozen paces.

When Anko looked back at me, her tone was serious when she told me, "They're coming. It won't do to be seen like this, so fight me seriously, as best as you can. Let's see how much you've grown over the past year."

I stood up, forcibly throwing aside my emotions as I adopted an emotionless mask. I held up my kunai in return, to show her that I accepted that challenge. My stance lowering, I saw her slide a foot back, her gaze focused directly to show me how seriously she was taking me. In a way, this made me happier than I thought I could ever feel – Anko had never once fought me as a kind of equal before, always looking out for me as a little sibling, but now... Now, her eyes showed nothing but pride as she regarded me, her body tense as she waited for whatever attack would come.

Ignoring the pain in my side, I took in a steady breath before erupting from the spot where I'd stood. My kunai raced out to strike against her tantou – it was the one I'd bought her, so why hadn't I noticed that earlier? – and she pushed away my attack as if it were nothing. I saw the briefest shift in her feet and ducked down before I'd even known what I was going to do. Her leg flew over my form and I clapped my hands together, launching them at her, but she evaded by jumping back. Anko's hands flew through seals, and she circled her forefinger and thumb around where her mouth should've been.

Aw, shit. Fine, two could play that game.

I raced to make the same seals, circling my mouth as I shouted, "Katon: Goukyaku no Jutsu" just seconds after her. Her fireball was incredibly larger than mine, and simply engulfed my spitball as it rocketed towards me. Falling back on the basics, I performed a kawarimi and found myself on a branch. Her eyes found me immediately, but I was already running through the seals for another Hiraishin. She didn't give me any time to focus as she flanked me and sent me flying back across the floor. It wasn't hard as her previous hits, but it would definitely look real enough to any person who happened to be watching from afar.

I hit the ground with my feet, flipping back to ease the stress that otherwise would've surfaced if I'd stayed still. It was pointless to use ninjutsu with Anko, and she hadn't even starting using Orochimaru's attacks yet either. I darted forward, flickering from side to side as my eyes stayed focus on her unmoving form, and she matched my pace as I pitched myself forward. It was as I felt the flare of a chakra I now knew quite well that Anko suddenly appeared in my space and slammed a fist at my stomach again, leaving me gasping for air as I stumbled back. She followed up with a spinning side kick and I tumbled across the ground. When she threw a kunai that would have otherwise been the killing blow, with an explosion of wind, Yugito burst into existence in front of, grabbing the kunai right out of the air.

I struggled to breathe in as Yugito slowly and steadily lowered the kunai, letting it drop to the ground as her left hand threw forward a man that looked to be on his last dredges. My sister never once took her eyes off of Yugito, and I could imagine the distaste in her expression as the two women stared each other down. Then, Anko surprised the both of us by looking at me instead.

"You have a name, kid?" she asked, her voice cold and emotionless, like any other ANBU.

I grasped at the back of Yugito's shirt to pull myself up, since she was as still and strong as a fucking living statue. My other hand clenched at my midsection, I breathed in and out harshly as I tried to glare at her.

 _You bitch, why'd you hit so fucking hard?_ "Murakami Shinrai. What about you, stranger? Got a name for the person under that mask?"

Anko scoffed at my question, turning her focus back to Yugito. "My mask _is_ my name. I wonder what they're teaching kids in Kumo these days? Not much, apparently."

Yugito only tensed further, but as Anko never made a move towards me, she didn't bother doing anything more herself.

"Take that man and go," the blonde said crossly, uninterested in any banter or small talk. "I don't have the energy nor patience to deal with another one of you. Mark my words, though – if you dare try to strike at me, I will send you back to Konoha with little more to your person than a heart, to show the life that once represented you. Consider that a warning to your villages from Kumogakure."

My sister lowered her chin, making certain to give us a wide berth as she went to collect her teammate, throwing his arm around her shoulder. She walked away from the two of us a few steps before glancing back.

"Quite the prodigal kid you've got there. Best hope nothing happens to her," Anko said politely, though I could tell out the threat laced within her words.

Yugito regarded Anko seriously. "That was never my intention. And, if you ever lay a hand on her again, rest assured that I will kill you come next we meet."

At that, Anko turned away, supporting her teammate as she vanished in a swirl of leaves. Yugito stayed still for a while longer before the tension within her dissolved and she turned to look at me, a slight smile on her lips.

"You did well to survive."

When I didn't respond and stared absently at the ground, she put her hands on my shoulders.

"Are you okay? Are you wounded?" she asked, voice worried.

I shifted my gaze towards her, feeling hollow as I wondered at her words.

Was I okay? My sister had just nearly killed me because she thought I was the enemy. I'd tried my best to kill her in return because I thought she was the enemy. I'd never been allowed to tell her I was going to leave, and she had been told that I no longer existed in the living realm because of something out of my control. Was I okay?

Involuntarily, tears started to fill my eyes bit by bit. I felt myself slide down to my knees, but couldn't hear a word that Yugito was saying as I thought of how close I'd been to my last living relative again. I couldn't think of anything else but the fact that I was taken aback by how much pain and remorse I felt over being forced into this situation, and how much I dreaded living every day afterward. I lived on for the sake of a family I could never see, a family who was now contracted to kill me on sight because of a mission that felt like it had no meaning whatsoever. I was torn by the desire to go back to a village that couldn't stand my family, but housed the one person who had given my life any substance whatsoever. But now, I lived in a village that seemed to tolerate me, treat me like a normal person, and with an abused person who come to care for me just as much as anyone would true family.

I was now torn by the desire to be with both people, but they were enemies, and literally on opposite sides of the spectrum. I had family who still loved me, and family meant the world to me, but now I was with someone who could potentially be my family and support me in every way I needed. When this mission finished, if I lived to tell the tale, would I have to choose between the two sides, to force myself to turn down one of the people who cared and did so much for me? Why did I have to choose? I didn't want to choose. Why did I _have_ to choose? Why did I have to _choose_?

A snap of fingers in my face sent me flying back into reality and I stared at the person in front of me, not really seeing her. She shook me slightly, her voice growing more and more worried. How long had I been out of it?

 _Hotaru..._

I tried to focus on the person's face. Anko...?

The dark eyes of the blonde who had taken care of me for the past couple of months stared at me, concern obvious on her face. Yugito...

"Yugito," I rasped out, tears falling down my face as I struggled to look at her. "You're Yugito! Yugito! Yugito!"

I wrapped my arms around her, pressing my face into her chest as sobs started to rack my body. I hated this mission, and the other mission, and God, I hated being in this situation! I wanted out! I couldn't do this anymore! I couldn't take this anymore!

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Yugito! I hate this, I want to go home! Please let me go home!"

Which way was home? Was it Konoha? Kumo? My first life? I wasn't sure anymore.

Yugito whispered calming words to me as she tried to pacify me, but all I could do was continue shaking and shuddering, unable to reconcile myself.

Where was home? Who was I anymore, what was I becoming? I'd been pretending to be someone else ever since the day I'd been born, so much that I wasn't sure I fit in anywhere at all.

With the immediate threat of most of the ninja gone, Yugito took the time to hold me, rocking me back and forth as I tried to get a hold of my emotions. Some time later – an hour, half of one, a few minutes? – I finally calmed down, my body feeling cold and distant as I sat back, pulling my arms away from her. I think this scared Yugito more than anything, because at least if I was crying, then I was feeling.

She tilted my chin up so I could look blankly and dully at her.

"Shinrai...?" she began, hesitant.

I smiled, enjoying the feeling of despondency and a lack of emotion. It was preferable, and I could reason better this way.

"I'm sorry," I told her, causing her to inch back slightly. "You were right. I had no chance against those people."

Yugito didn't freeze, per se, but her gaze definitely sharpened as she looked at me. "...Shinrai?"

I turned away, looking up at the trees as the remainder of the soldier pill pumped through my veins.

"We'd better go get that informant," I told her with false happiness. Maybe it wasn't false though?

I felt Yugito slowly stand up, but she didn't contradict my words. She came up next to me, giving me a nod.

"Let's go."

"Roger."

* * *

Yugito's freaked. Oh yeah. Hah, this is so much fun. :)


	23. Chapter 23

It's very late in the morning... I churned this out, and there's probably a multitude of little typos and mistakes here and there. Forgive me. By the way, am I crazy?

ShugoYuuki123: Good question. The world may never know, just like how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll pop.

Guest 2: Love the angst. LOVE IT.

Guest: Who knows what could possibly happen?

Royz: So glad you enjoyed it. Excellent. :)

* * *

It was strange. Now, this may come as no surprise to anyone but myself, but I felt like my mind was intentionally developing a new psyche for me to escape behind whenever I was feeling absolutely horrible or just couldn't come to peace with something. The first time I'd felt my body grow cold and despondent, as if I were watching myself from afar and not really interacting with the real world, was back when I'd first met Yugito. In my terror of possibly being outed, I suddenly became extremely cold and it felt as if I could, without any real explanation, take on whatever was dished to me.

Jinchuuriki wants to be best friends and find out who the hell I am? Bring it on.

Home village sends me off for an impossible mission? Hell yeah.

God decides to say "fuck you" and make every day miserable? Not even going to break a sweat.

It was an interesting feeling. I knew it wasn't actually another psyche, and I knew I wasn't suffering from a multiple-personality disorder, – not by the scientific definition, anyway – and I also knew I _probably_ wasn't a psychopath or sociopath yet. At least I hoped not. I'd give it a few more months or years.

Whatever it was though, I was quite grateful for it. In this mode, it felt like nothing could affect me, like nothing could shake me. And, right now, that was the best feeling in the world. Anything that ridded my mind of the guilt, helplessness, hurt, and agony I'd felt upon seeing my sister again and then watching as she walked away from me, an enemy, was something I was willing to utilize until it either broke me or the situation naturalized itself. I couldn't physically run from any of my problems. If I ran to a different country and hid myself, I'd not only have Konoha running after me to take me down, but Kumo might chase after me as well. Having two villages that desired my death was way too much for me to take, as just one was bad enough as it was.

I let out a breath from my lips slowly, glancing at Yugito as I forced myself back into the here and now. Her focus was ahead on the several people roaming around the small village we navigated ourselves toward. She flicked her eyes to me when I adjusted my sitting position on our branch, but turned her attention back soon enough.

"Yugito, how are we going to approach the target?" I asked, and she looked at me again, her brow furrowed.

She continued peering at me for some time before turning away. "Security is tight. I have a hunch of who we're probably looking for, but only because Kiri's men are most dense in that area. A frontal attack won't do much for us, and I can't guarantee that we don't still have the other countries to contend with. What we may have gone against was probably a diversion to field against other foreign operatives. The people who are here will be the real thing."

Nodding, I narrowed my eyes at the village. "All right. The most ideal circumstance would be someone who could navigate and blend in without risk for too much exposure and create a distraction that would serve to draw the main crowd away."

Yugito took in a breath, grimacing slightly as she agreed. "Yes, that would be most ideal, but –"

"Cool," I told her, standing up and tossing my headband at her.

She looked startled as she caught the piece of metal. "What are you –"

I jumped off the branch, but coughed a few times when Yugito caught the back of my shirt collar with incredible swiftness. She pulled me back up and put me back on the branch, her eyes glaring at me fiercely.

"I said it was ideal, not that you should undertake the task!" she whispered harshly. "Have you lost your mind?"

Nah, I just didn't have my normal inhibitors up. To the me right now, if a task made sense logically and brought us closer to our goal, then we should attempt to pursue the possibility instead of sitting back and waiting for something to perhaps go wrong. I looked at her with the same expression I usually did to show her that I wasn't particularly impressed by something. She let go of me and I stumbled back a few steps. When Yugito tried to hand me back my headband, I scrunched up my face.

"Do you have any other ideas right now?"

"Give me more time than five seconds and you can be certain I will," she snapped. "Your attitude right now will serve as nothing but further ammunition for your death. Wasn't fighting that ANBU enough for you? Did you learn nothing from that experience?"

I frowned and refused to meet her gaze. "I learned that being sheltered from battle won't do anything for me, and that the longer we take here, the more likely it is that we'll fail our objective."

"This isn't you," Yugito argued. "Listen to yourself. You don't have the combat experience to back up your current words."

Looking down at the village, I could feel my despondency begin to fade and grasped at it with desperation. My tensed muscles relaxed again and I gave the blonde a slow smile that had her narrowing her eyes dangerously. If I could make it as far as the village, there was no way Yugito would follow and risk me definitely getting killed. If it was just me, then at least she had a better shot of sneaking in after I'd already drawn the rest away. I couldn't fight, but I could damn well run for my life. Not that it had worked out for me much against Anko, but I had a soldier pill running through my veins right now. I'd abuse that medicine until there was nothing left.

I bit my lip. If I could release my speed seals again in one fell swoop, then even Yugito wouldn't be able to catch up soon enough to stop me. An instant was all I needed, just enough to get within sight of a single villager and force my mentor to back off. She'd be angry, I was sure. Oh, she would be downright pissed at me, but if we played this right, we could get to the target without wasting much more time. My chin lowered slightly as clenched my fists.

Yugito broke me out of my musings by saying, "I can send a few clones out to pull away the main pack, but once they find out they've been had, they'll be coming right back with a vengeance. We won't have much time to get in and secure the target."

"How long do you think you clones could possibly last?" I asked, wondering if I should abandon my plan after all.

She fell silent for a moment. "I'm counting around seven to eight of them, and three of my clones might last about ten, twenty minutes. That isn't counting the amount of time it would take for them to catch up with my clones or come back to engage with us."

I smiled. "Oh, good. That plan _does_ sound way better than mine did."

There was a slight pause and then she asked me warily, "What was your plan, then?"

"Oh, nothing big. I'd just escape from you into the village, piss off the ninja, and run away as fucking fast and far as I could manage. Yeah, yours is way better."

Yugito stared at me. "You can't be serious."

"Hey, I'm no tactician," I laughed, finding the idea amusing.

She stood up slowly. "I think that you should sit this one out."

That sobered me immediately. "What? Why? That's not fair."

"You current mentality will get you killed," she told me, her voice low and telling me in no uncertain terms that she was quite angry with me. "I will finish the mission myself."

I was ready to argue again but she sent me the iciest glare I'd ever seen from her and my complaint died in my throat. The second she realized I wouldn't stand against her any longer, a clone popped up from behind me, a hand falling on my shoulder and gripping it tightly enough to make me wince. The real Yugito didn't give me a second glance as she disappeared from my view and bounded toward the village, her features becoming masked with a genjutsu. I tilted my head back to look at the clone behind me and this Yugito simply frowned at me.

"Are you mad?" I asked, realizing I didn't really care in my current mode.

"Would it matter to you if I said I was or not?" she asked darkly, letting go of my shoulder.

I turned to face her fully. "Not right now, no. Later, it definitely will."

The clone nodded. "Then I will inform you later, when you are yourself again."

"You keep saying that, like I'm not me now," I pointed out.

She looked at me with an indiscernible expression. "Who are you right now?"

I must have seemed confused because she soon explained, "You do not appear to be Murakami Shinrai right now. Perhaps you are once again part of the Nameless?"

"I'm me," I deadpanned. "Geez, Yugito. What's making you think otherwise?"

"Oh, I don't know," she started, just as dryly. "Perhaps it's the fact that you currently have no real emotion swelling within you? Ever since your fight with that ANBU, something's changed within you. You suspiciously remind me of that little girl I met that first day, the one who broke down right in front of me. If I'm correct, you've just suffered a setback that hurt you more than you can handle, and as a result, are retreating within yourself to keep yourself from feeling or suffering. I _never_ want to see you rely on such a crutch."

Crossing my arms over my chest to shield myself from her all-knowing eyes, I turned away from her.

"If it keeps me going, what's the problem?"

Suddenly, a kunai was at my throat, ready to pierce me if I moved even a centimeter. I stared blankly at it, only blinking to show my confusion. Yugito pulled the weapon back after a short while and focused on me.

"Tell me, did you fear your death right then?"

I tilted my head. "No? Who cares?"

A sad smile crossed the clones face. "And therein lies your problem. When you stop caring about your death, you stop living your life. There was hardly any way for me to allow you to accompany me on this part of the mission, because I would be more frightened for you than I would be disappointed in myself for failing this mission."

I gave her a grin. "Hey, you really _do_ care about me."

Her expression became conflicted when she looked at me. "You had some doubt?"

I just smiled. "It's easier to just not believe that I matter to anyone, you know? After all, I _am_ going to die one of these days."

Heh, you wouldn't care if you found out who I really was.

She only seemed to grow more troubled from my comment. No longer able to meet my gaze, Yugito's clone turned away from me, her arms crossing across her chest as she clenched her jaw. I'd never seen her look like this, as, dare I say, hurt and full of emotion as she was now. I'd glimpsed it once, but not to this degree. My chest began to hurt as I started to realize it as my fault she was feeling this way, and knew my invincible mode was failing on me. I didn't want to lose my trump card, because it was really nice knowing that I didn't give a shit about relatively anything while it was active. Whenever I saw people hurting as a direct cause of something I may or may not have consciously done, it hit me hard, far harder than I would have ever liked.

I really, really didn't want to feel anything right now though. I didn't want to feel the pain of loss, or the sufferance of guilt, or the hurt from seeing someone I liked in obvious pain, be it physically or emotionally. It was also painfully obvious that Yugito had never experienced such feelings as she didn't seem to know what to do about the situation, and that just made it worse. I gritted my teeth as I forced myself back into my other mode – I wasn't ready to face my issues just yet. I needed more time.

"Before I forget," I said jovially, catching the blonde's attention again, "I'm sorry."

Yugito raised an eyebrow out of curiosity. "Whatever for?"

I smiled wryly, knowing this apology was long overdue, but because of my normal pride, I'd never have been able to actually say it.

"Some time ago, I said that you didn't know what it meant to actually be human, as if you were the beast inside of you. That was wrong of me, and I was just striking out at you because I was angry."

She was silent for a bit before saying, "...I know. It's fine."

I frowned at her. "I'm serious. That was wrong. You're an amazing person, with hopes and dreams just like any other. I know I hurt you that day, and I'm really sorry."

"...Thank you," she murmured, still not making eye contact. "That... I really appreciate your saying so."

Then, "Who are you right now?"

"Bah," I muttered. "If the angst-filled, always angered, fearful, guilty and cautious person is who you truly think I am, then you may as well consider me part of the Nameless right now. I don't see why I can' t just be the same person."

Fingers touched the crown of my head, sifting through my tendrils of hair hesitatingly. I looked up at her curiously, and she gave me a brief smile.

"I hope you stop running away from yourself soon. I do miss our usual heated arguments."

"I can't cry again here," I joked, and she nodded slowly.

We stood there on the branch for some time more, me just hoping I could hold myself together long enough to finish the mission. I hoped Yugito would give me some time to recuperate, but I had a feeling I was due for a real long discussion when we got back. There was the issue of her being simultaneously pissed off, concerned, hurt, and scared from how I've been acting. I think I've made her feel more than she probably has for years. As accomplishing as that felt, I knew I was in for a good lecture the moment we got back to Kumo.

I was just wondering how Yugito's real self was doing when the clone beside me stiffened suddenly.

"We have company," she murmured, turning slowly to scan around. "The person seems quite strong."

"Will you last through the fight?" I asked.

She seemed unsure. "Chakra-wise, I have more than enough to fight properly. If the opponent is as strong as his chakra indicates, however, I am uncertain as to whether I will be able to stay in existence."

It was obvious that she was concerned about what would happen to me if she was actually popped. I couldn't console her with any heartfelt words, so I just lowered my stance, kunai appearing in my hands as I readied myself for the oncoming attack. I could practically feel my cloned mentor tense more and more until –

The large sword struck down on Yugito's kunai so hard that I could see her muscles straining from trying to keep it from slicing her in half. The enemy pulled back on the sword only to sweep it around, forcing Yugito to duck deeply beneath it before flipping backwards onto another branch to escape from another swing. I saw the man jump past me, never giving me a glance as he concentrated on the clone of my mentor.

Yugito was pressed backwards again and she fought to stay out of the large sword's range. Her eyes flickered left, right, up, and down before repeating as she tried to read her opponent's every move. She twirled laterally over the sword as it tried to cut her in half again and then flicked out a kick that was powerful enough to send the man stumbling back a few steps. Foregoing her kunai, I saw Yugito's nails elongate ridiculously as she tried to slash back at the man who was retreating back from every swipe.

Without a word, he suddenly vanished from sight and I appreciated the cold calmness of my mind as I scanned the area to see where he might have gone. Yugito's narrowed eyes did much the same, but we neither of us were prepared for the blanket of mist that came rolling in, covering the entire area. I tried to continue looking around, but I couldn't see more than a foot in front of me, and it was oddly disconcerting.

"Larynx, spine, lungs, liver, jugular, subclavian artery, kidneys, or the heart... Which one should I strike first?"

A chill ran through my body that had nothing to do with my psychological state. A glint caught my eye and I felt myself turn around too slowly as danger came toward me, but in a flash, Yugito was next to me, pulling me down to the forest floor as something metallic wisped over us. Yugito set me on the ground just in time to block another strike as the man came down hard on her again. I scrambled out of the way as I saw her losing ground before she let out a positively frightening growl, pushed the man's weapon away, jumped up and landed a terribly powerful kick against the man's chest again. I heard him skid back some ways away, but not far enough for comfort.

Eventually, I found myself incapable of doing anything more than listening for the clashes of metal against metal or the various grunts as each person was hit here and there. I worried that the clone might get popped . It was just because I was fearful for my safety, but if the real Yugito got that information while out there subverting the other ninja, then it might cause her to hesitate and that might even cause her death, or a great injury. I wasn't sure I wanted that.

I tried focusing on the here and now again, but I knew I was helpless and wouldn't add much to the fight. I hated being so weak.

There was another inhuman growl and then a shout of , "Raiton: _Gekidou no Bakuha_!"

I found myself flying back as an explosion of lightning crackled out and blasted into the ground, sending dirt and rocks flying everywhere as it even uprooted a tree or two. The area's mist was blown away with the blast, revealing a blue-eyed Yugito glaring intensely at the surprised enemy. Her lips pulled as her very sharp teeth bore themselves, a growl coming from her lips as she prepared herself for another attack.

"Enough with this foolery," she rasped out, fury obvious in her words. "Do not run circles around me."

The man smirked. "A Jinchuuriki. Seems like I'll finally get a good match. Hope you're not too pissed to keep going."

Yugito answered him with a sweep of her nails as the introduction before her attacks blurred together, their speed too fast for me to detect properly. The man blocked each attack with increased difficulty, his eyes narrowing as he tried to push her back, but found she was an insurmountable force like this. I stared at him, wondering if Yugito would be able to take him down, but with the trouble she was obviously having, I wasn't so sure she'd be able to do so without transforming fully.

I wondered if there was anything I could do when I noticed a new person had entered the fray. At first, I thought it was maybe another person from Kiri, but immediately, I realized it was a clone of the very man Yugito was fighting. I swiveled my attention over towards Yugito, but she was so preoccupied with the man in front of her, desperate to get rid of the danger before it possibly extended out towards me, that she wasn't fighting as calmly as she normally would.

I anxiously hoped she would turn around, notice something was wrong, pick up on the disturbed air... Anything. She didn't. She continued fighting with as much absorption as before. I looked back towards the other man, feeling as if time was slowing down again.

At this point, I knew I had three choices: run away, yell out for Yugito to hopefully figure out what would happen, though I knew it would definitely result in her getting popped one way or another, or...

Coldness flowed through me as I released my speed limits in a manner so fluid, I knew my sister would've been proud. My body sped forward before I considered that what I was doing was stupid, but if I was going to die one way or another...

Pushing my legs to their breaking point, I flashed in right behind Yugito, alerting her instantly. I could hear her voiceless confusion as to why I would interject myself in a battle I couldn't win, and I would've tried to send her a smile before the tip of the man's clone's sword imbedded itself straight through my stomach. I didn't feel the pain at first, too awed at the sight of a piece of metal sticking through my body as if it were made of sliced cheese. The clone in front of me gave a grunt of dissatisfaction, and drew his sword out, watching as I fell back against the ground.

I let out a soft breath as pain began to finally make itself known to my brain, and I gritted my teeth, feeling a whine rise up through my throat as I gripped at the open hole in my stomach. I couldn't breathe for a moment, too shocked from what had just happened before I finally sucked in a deep breath and let out a scream that could probably be heard from the small village. When my scream finally died off, I just continued to struggle breathing, but I wasn't sure how long someone could technically continue living with a hole in their body.

I think I heard a grunt of pain from someone before a face filled my vision. Yugito's eyes were back to their darkened orbs again, her expression stricken as she looked down at me. She was saying stuff, but I could only focus on catching the occasional word here and there. I saw her eyes narrow harshly again, and she stood up, out of my field of vision before letting out a grunt and churning into mud.

I stared at the mud with some dismay – why had I risked my life again?

I was starting to grow more and more despondent, and in a way, it filled me with sense of fear this time. It wasn't good that I was growing colder and more unaware. My bleary eyes barely noticed the man crouch down near me, his eyes sweeping over my small body before letting out a grunt. He disappeared from my vision for a moment before I felt something slide underneath my back and knees. I tried to look up at the man, but realized I had grown far weaker than should have been possible.

Was this what encroaching death was like?

* * *

When I woke again, alarm flooded me immediately and I tried to rise up as an alarming amount of pain flooded through my body.

"Urk..." I grunted, falling back against whatever I'd been laying on the entire time.

"Hey, hang in there, okay?" a voice told me.

A headache beginning to form, I forced my gaze over to my right to see a boy with silver hair and glasses smiling widely at me. I narrowed my eyes at him, trying to form words to speak, but coming up dry, quite literally. The older boy only smiled.

"Come now, relax. You've been recovering for the past few weeks. It isn't easy bringing someone back from the brink of death, you know."

Past...few weeks? Past _few_ weeks? _WEEKS_?

At that, I forced myself up again, my eyes immediately locking on his. I swallowed down whatever saliva I could manage to coat my throat and mouth before rasping out,

"W-weeks? I've been here for weeks?"

"That's right!" the boy chirped happily. "You're lucky I was here for reasons I can't say. But what's a little girl like you doing out here in big bad Kiri? You don't seem like a citizen."

I stared at him warily "I was here for business..."

The boy continued smiling, even as his eyes narrowed at me. "You wouldn't happen to have any correlation to that Kumo woman who tore through this village looking for a young girl who just happens to fit your profile?"

Alarm bells were ringing in my head as I found myself backing away from the boy, feeling that he was not as nice as he at first seemed.

"...Why are you asking? What's it to you?"

He smiled even more largely, freaking me out as a result. I'd just woken up – I wasn't prepared for this shit.

"Well," he started, his voice lowering as he lost his smile, "if you _are_ somehow connected to her, then I have business with you."

I must have looked confused because he chuckled.

"I want to trade information for asylum."

I stared at him further. "Information?"

"Yes," he answered. "Regarding Konoha and Suna – information that might be very valuable for Kumo."

Oh shit. It was the informant.

Joy filled me as I realized I could fulfill my mission. Then, another thought went through my mind:

Oh shit. I've got to kill him.

* * *

Mmhmm. Yeah, he's who you think it is. Mmhmm, yeah, that other guy is who you think he is. Mmhmm. Lots of key people in this one. But seriously, does no one enter this "super" mode where they're totally disconnected from reality? Is it just me?


	24. Chapter 24

Yeeeeeeeeeah. All you people, you're so right. BITCH, YOU RIGHT.

Guest: Be torn! Be TORN.

TheWick: I love praise. Praise me more, please.

* * *

Right, no, how about we think about this logically? I have just been out for the better part of the month recovering from an injury from an enemy shinobi that most certainly would've resulted in my death had a stroke of luck not been granted to me. Then, let us also consider the fact that I was still undercover, and it was practically guaranteed that if I lashed out against this stranger that things would go downhill for me very quickly. Firstly, I would be seen in contempt for acting against my orders and essentially betraying the village that was supporting my every move. Of course, I knew better as to what my true village was, or so I'd like to have thought, but regardless, it didn't look good on me at all. Secondly, I would have been acting in bad faith to assault someone who had brought me back from the brink of death. I was honestly grateful to this boy on that point, but even so.

Even if I had a chance of killing him, then that would fail my mission here almost immediately, and I'd have to manage my way back to Konoha as soon as possible. However, considering I was now dead to all those unaware of the real truth, getting back into Konoha would require me sneaking in, and I wasn't that skilled at doing that yet. It just wasn't a good idea to take into any real consideration – plus, fighting would only reopen my wound, shallow that it might have been due to his skill and the time I'd rested.

No, there were other ways to play on this situation and direct it in a way that would most benefit my interests. I looked down at myself, finding my chest bare save for the bandages wrapped around entire torso. I didn't really care about this – I was a prepubescent child with nothing to really look at or consider. It was also difficult to embarrass me in matters concerning the body, although that was probably due to the luxury of inwardly being an adult and the sister to someone who used her body to fit her needs.

I looked at the boy, ignoring his proposition for now. "Do you have my clothes from before?"

He smiled knowingly. "I've seen plenty of naked bodies before. No need to worry about modesty with me."

"I'm not," I told him bluntly, pushing him aside as I slid out of the bed, a wince running through me at the barest bit of pain. "I would simply prefer to make deals when fully clothed, if you don't mind."

The boy gave a slight nod, his smile never fading as he walked across the small shack of a house and opened a drawer. Pulling out a set of clothes, he brought them to me without complaint, and I eyed them as I took them into my arms. He slid his hands into his pants' pockets, his eyes steadily regarding me as I threw the pair of pants onto the bed and wriggled into the clothing. The shirt was ridiculously large on me, but a sash at the waist would more or less fix that issue, and the turtleneck beneath it would hide my skin from onlookers.

As I pulled on the pants, he told me kindly, "They're my clothes, so I'm sorry if they're a bit big on you. Yours were shredded, so I thought I'd just get rid of them for you."

I eyed him. "Well, did you?"

"Not yet," he answered, his eyebrows raising. "I was waiting for your permission."

"I'll torch them later," I told him, pointedly glancing at the table where there were a couple of chairs situated.

His grin grew larger when he saw I was ready to conduct business. He soon paused, though.

"Should we not find that lady friend of yours?"

I frowned, my eyes narrowing as I considered his words.

Yugito. There was no guarantee that she was even still in Kiri, and for all I knew, she very well could have already left the area. She may have even left for reporting in and come back to continue searching for me, but deep in my heart, I knew she was still out there somewhere. Considering that I was no awake, too, it wouldn't take long for her to finally pinpoint my chakra signature and track me down, and I very much desired that she do so. The fact that I hadn't brought much to the mission kind of grated on my nerves though – I wasn't in super mode right now, but I hadn't had the time to consider my feelings about what had happened with Anko, and so I was stuck with logic and pride. Logically, I understood that there was absolutely nothing I could have done to help Yugito. I knew that, but it still ticked me off a bit. My pride couldn't stand that I could only stand on the sidelines and only get killed if I chose to step in, which is pretty much what had nearly happened. No, this realization didn't settle well with me at all.

"No," I finally replied with some hesitance. "I will take care of the transaction."

Besides, I didn't want Yugito around when I attempted to turn the tide around in my favor.

I walked forward, forcing back my pain so that I didn't appear so obviously weak in front of this boy. I took a seat with him sitting across from me as gracefully as a cat. When I leaned forward, my wound complained but I bore through the pain. As soon as we both felt the tension rise, the boy lost his smile and stared back at me with an expression full of intensity and firmness.

It was time to use my adult skills for something for once.

"You indicated a desire for asylum into Kumogakure, you said?" I began, cutting to the chase of the matter with little preamble. "What have you to offer my village for such a reward?"

For a second, I thought I saw the barest of flashes of irritation sweep through his eyes, but it was gone with surprising quickness, so much so that I thought I'd imagined it. The boy quirked a small smile instead.

"Kumogakure is well-aware of the preparations for battle on Konohagakure and Sunagakure's sides, is it not?"

"Of course we are."

"Are you also informed of their trade sites, the trade supply chains, the routes, the various sites for different squadrons, the leaders at the forefront, their intentions with their invasion from start to finish?"

Damn, Yugito would have been good to have around at this point. I somewhat regretted not looking for her before starting this, but bullshitting was by far a trade I was very, very skilled at employing. No matter how good this kid was, I doubted he was any kind of Nara, and doubted he would match up to my own abilities with wit and words.

I snorted. "I took you to be serious on this matter. All trade routes within the entire Elemental Nations region can be tracked in some manner, as well as the type of trade and the points of where trade is conducted. While we may not know the exact details of where each squadron holes up its forces, any person of leadership is certain to hold a particular rank that has garnered some kind of notice, and if they aren't listed in the Bingo Book, then it would still be short work to figure out the various connections that might accompany them. As for intentions – their intention is Kumogakure's very destruction. Shouldn't that be obvious?"

He raised his eyebrows a bit before smiling almost genuinely. Something felt off about it though.

"As you're a child, I believed you would be easily misled," he said, admiration coming through with his words. "I see that I was mistaken, though. You have received some of my respect, and all respect should be offered with a name to top it off."

Frowning, I narrowed my eyes at him. "A name?"

"I go by many names," he informed me, "but most know me by Yakushi Kabuto. It is a pleasure to meet you."

I sincerely hoped the flash of recognition and subsequent dismay and disconcertment that flooded my body wasn't blatantly obvious as his admission shocked me to my core. I may have been forgetting details here and there of the Naruto world, but that name was one I knew I would probably never forget. This snake in grass, which was his nature almost by definition, was the same rat that had caused so much trouble throughout the entire manga. I didn't remember his entire story, but I was quite aware of the fact that he'd been working as spy for Konoha, but had somehow captured the attention of Orochimaru at some point, and then there was also the obvious concern of how he had basically infiltrated every major nation, gathering information on every single one.

Knowing all of this now, I damn well knew that he was definitely aware of whatever moves Konoha was bound to take as he probably had a number of contacts still in Konoha in high places, which reminded me of another very unlikable person: Danzo. Danzo had taken in Kabuto through the manipulation he was so well-known for, and I wasn't sure if Kabuto was appealing to Kumogakure on behalf of Danzo or Orochimaru, or simply because things had gone awry in Kirigakure right now.

Kabuto was hardly an idiot though. If he didn't want to be found, he never would be, which led me to wonder how all the nations had somehow discovered his position within Kiri. It was obvious that Kirigakure was his newest place of occupation, and I wasn't sure why he was so keen on working with Kumogakure unless Danzo had specifically directed for him to do so. He would only be able get a foothold if he had been there before or had some kind of relations there. Kabuto was an orphan though, as far as I could remember, which meant he had other connections – he'd probably already infiltrated Kumo.

That created a whole slew of new issues to file through, though. Had I already somehow met the boy? I didn't recall seeing a single silver-haired person while in the village, but I'd been there for nearly a year. We'd have to have been there around the same time, unless he'd left just before I'd gotten there, although that would be too much of a coincidence. I wondered if he had been aware of my position in the village, watching me from afar. That...was oddly disturbing and I was a bit perturbed by the idea, because that meant Danzo held some kind of interest in me.

I flashed back to the present when he let out a chuckle. I squared my soldiers. "My name is –"

"Oh, I know very well who you are," he interrupted me, holding his hand up as if we were in a classroom setting. "Murakami Shinrai, or should I say, Mitarashi Hotaru."

So, he did know who I was, but he didn't know that I knew who he was. That gave me a slight edge, but only if I could use it the correct way.

"How do you know my real identity?" I asked, now very glad I had foregone seeking out Yugito.

"You have more eyes on you than you'll ever know," he answered mysteriously. I was unimpressed by this.

Translation: Danzo knew exactly who I was, which meant Root knew as well. Correlation: Kabuto could relate this information to the wrong people at any time and get me in a very large debacle of a problem.

I just stared back at him silently. Finally, I spoke: "A double-agent for Konoha?"

"You could say that," Kabuto said, smiling as if we were talking about the newest store that had opened on Main Street. "Kenichi wasn't the only one supplying Konoha information."

I had reason to believe Kabuto hadn't thought to defect from Konoha yet, which meant that he was more or less trustworthy as a fellow Konoha ninja at this point. I didn't trust the fucker as far as I could throw him.

"Kenichi's dead, though I'm sure you knew that," I told him.

Kabuto lost his smile again. "He'd outgrown his usefulness, and you needed a way to get closer to the Jinchuuriki of the Nibi. This gave you a perfectly acceptable way of doing so, and the closer you grow to her, the closer we are to either eliminating her entirely or persuading her to switch sides."

My veins filled with ice when I heard this bit of news, but I couldn't show that I was affected. I couldn't show that. I goddamned wouldn't show that.

"I take it this was all organized by the powers that be?"

"In a way. You've played your part well. To think you would manage to secure the Jinchuuriki's trust so easily and quickly. Do you think you might be able to convince her to trade sides?"

"No," I answered mechanically, growing more and more pissed off. "She's too devoted to the village. That isn't really an option to consider."

Kabuto clucked his tongue. "Pity. Having a second Jinchuuriki, one who can fully command the beast's powers, would have given Konoha quite the advantage and prestige."

God _damn_ you, Danzo, you fucker. These are _people_ you're playing with, not chess pieces.

Dread started to make its way to the forefront of my mind. Wait, how long had Danzo been aware of my existence? What if he had been the one to orchestrate this part of the invasion, and not Shikaku? Or worse yet, what if he had tried to force Shikaku's hand in some way and thus...

I found myself calming as I stared into Kabuto's eyes. Pieces were starting to fall together on the overall picture, but I didn't know the _why_ behind it all. I knew that, at this point, Danzo was still a trusted member of the village, and that Sarutobi would never look at the man in a negative light. Danzo's sticky fingers were practically touching every little surface he could get his paws on right now, and it only made sense that he could convince others to send a little six-to-seven-year-old out on a mission that was almost certainly going to fail without some kind of direction.

 _"You, I chose because you know how to get out of sticky situations when necessary."_

Freezing for the slightest second, I wondered if that had been a legitimate warning from Shikaku. I closed my eyes and breathed in a breath.

God damn it.

No wonder I'd been "killed". If this went south, I would die anyway and nothing could link me to Danzo. If it all went well, more trust went to Danzo, praising him for his attentiveness and forethought, and I just got to go back to my "normal" lifestyle. There was one thing wrong with this, though.

I could hold a _fucking grudge_. I hadn't had anything pushing me towards becoming better at anything before except a willingness to please my sister, but _hell_ if I didn't have a good reason now.

I let myself smile, my mind going cold as I calculated the paths in front of me. Oh, yes. I could hold a grudge. I loved my sister, and dare I say that I was quite fond of Yugito now as well, so they were forgiven for their transgressions, but Danzo? Consider yourself on my goddamn shit list, you fucker.

Kabuto lost his smile as I gained mine, and I even flashed a bit of my teeth for extra emphasis.

"So, Kenichi's death was orchestrated, you said? Why did no one tell me anything?"

He looked at me suspiciously, but answered regardless. "We didn't want you to start acting any differently, and felt it wiser to leave you ignorant of the matter at hand."

Oh, hoh, Danzo. I positively cannot _wait_ to meet you.

It was time to take a leap. I couldn't recall all of the details, but if I got this right...

"Kabuto," I began, catching his attention. "Yakushi, wasn't it? Isn't that the name of the woman who used to run the village orphanage?"

I noticed him tense slightly, but his face still bore that irritating grin that I just wanted to slap away.

"That's right. Hey, you were there, too, weren't you?"

"Yes, but I heard she went missing some time ago. She was a kind woman."

His brow furrowed a bit. It seemed he didn't like this turn of conversation. "She's on a mission, so I've heard."

Kabuto's smile fell completely when I smirked a bit. "What was her name again?"

"Yakushi Nonou," he grudgingly responded.

"Right, Nonou," I said, as if I'd known all along. "You know, Yugito – ah, I mean, the Kumo Jinchuuriki – is quite skilled in information. I've learnt a lot under her tutelage."

I paused. How could I tell him that Danzo was using him just as easily as he used me _and_ persuade him that it was in his best interest to trust someone else? Namely, me? Fuck it, I wasn't interested in beating around the bush.

"I'll be straightforward with you," I told him bluntly. "I know who you work for, and I know why you started working for that person. I also know who else that person manipulated, and it's the very Yakushi Nonou that you know and love. I also know that person's been sending her pictures of 'you'," I continued, holding up my fingers for air quotes, "and informing that person of your supposed growth. I'm pretty sure that if you met up, she'd have no clue who you were right now."

I saw a spark of indignation and anger sear across his eyes as he was suddenly right at my side, a kunai at my throat.

"How do you know all of that?"

I only smiled. "Kabuto, I want you to think _very_ carefully about who you're talking to. I am a six-year-old they sent on a mission to infiltrate an enemy village – that is at the very least, an A-Ranked mission, if not an S-Ranked one. You think a normal six-year-old is going to get anything done right? You said it yourself: you thought you could manipulate me with words because of my age. Now, how did that work out for you?"

His grip on his kunai didn't waver. "Give me one reason not to kill you right now."

"Right now, I matter far more to Konoha than you do," I stated matter-of-factly. "I am on friendly terms with a living weapon and am walking out and about easily in the heart of the village. I am well-known to many, whereas no one would ever remember your face. With one word, my past actions over the course of this year could change the flow of battle in an instant. And, there is _always_ the possibility of turning the Jinchuuriki to our side."

"I thought you said there was no possible way for her to switch," Kabuto pointed out coldly.

"Words are words," I retorted. "But, in hearing that, give me one good reason for not believing a thing I say. The person you're working for has lied, cheated, and manipulated more people than either of us could ever count – who are you to say I'm lying?"

"Like you said, 'words are words'."

"And yet you've got that seed of doubt in your heart now."

"I could kill you easily."

"Then do it," I directed him. "I'll bet you won't – no, that you can't. Because there's always a chance that I am actually right, and you want to know more."

Kabuto continued holding the kunai to my throat before backing away, almost as if he'd never been there in the first place. I turned my gaze towards him, still smirking.

"What do you want?" he asked. We were obviously no longer pretending to conduct business for the sake of Konoha anymore.

"Not a single thing," I said in return. "You just go hunt down those sources of yours. If you find out I was lying, I'll let you kill me without a fight. If, however, you find that what I said was the truth..."

He narrowed his eyes. "Then what?"

I stood up and cracked my neck a bit. "Then, you'll find out later."

"You are a frightening child," he observed quietly.

"And now you know why I'm here," I said. "For now, I take it our transaction is done and you're coming to Kumogakure?"

Kabuto stared at me with an indiscernible expression. "No. But, if I found out you lied to me, I'm putting your head on a spit for everyone in Kumo to see."

I chuckled. "Aw, no informant? Yugito will be so upset."

He glared at me. "Leave. We're done."

I pointed to my stomach. "What do I owe you?"

"Just get out," he ordered.

I threw him one last smile and, after gathering my weapons and bag that now had a hole in it, walked out of the shack without another word. I shrugged on the bag, never letting my steps waver as I walked throughout the village, sparking my chakra every now and then. It wasn't until I was walking away from the village and towards the surrounding forestry that I felt the fear I'd pushed down deep during the interchange finally take root and force bile up my throat. I leaned against the trunk of a tree, a hand clapped to my mouth as I tried to hold in my stomach's contents.

I could feel that I'd broken out in a cold sweat and that my heart was racing. Damn, but I'd never tried bullshitting when under fire like that before. I was alive and Kabuto was wary of Danzo now, but that could've gone in an entirely different direction. That I was alive was due to my extraordinary luck.

Fury suddenly coursed through my veins as I thought the damned fucker who had chosen to mess with my life for his own aims and goals. I did _not_ appreciate being manipulated like some little ragdoll, and I didn't like that my sister had suffered as a result. My eyes widened as I considered the fact that Danzo might have sent her for the very purpose of dangling a carrot right in front of me.

I dismissed that thought almost immediately though. No, Kabuto had long since left Kumogakure, and while Konoha was apparently aware that I was apprenticed to Yugito, her choice to bring me along on this mission had been abrupt and unexpected. I'm not even sure _she_ had planned for it initially, as it made no sense to do so, considering my skills. No, that meeting with Anko had been a most definite coincidence. But, even that left me with a significant edge. Now that my sister was aware of what had gone down, Danzo wouldn't be able to move as easily because if I knew her as well as I thought I did, she was going to go straight to the head honcho, her fury like a fiery spitball of venom. If only I could witness that.

I also now had a plan to focus my attention on. Kicking that old fossil's ass wouldn't be easy, and would never be possible with my limited skills. No, I needed a better arsenal of techniques, more knowledge, more strength, more power, more maneuverability, more contacts, more sources... I needed more. I really hadn't wanted to involve myself with Danzo, but now that it seemed he was going to be an obstacle to any form of happiness I could ever hope for, he needed to be gone. And me, well...

I needed to train.

Staring as blankly as I was at a tree, I'm sure I was quite the sight when a flash of yellow and purple came near me, stopping almost a meter away. I turned my gaze over towards her, looking at her but not fully seeing her. I think I just found the person who was going to help me get on the right track to my goal.

"Yugito," I acknowledged, my voice emotionless.

"Shinrai," the blonde breathed, her whole expression full of concern and worry.

She made as if to come near me but backed out at the very last moment, wringing her hands slightly before letting them fall to her sides pathetically. Her eyes flashed to me before she looked away, seemingly unable to voice her thoughts.

Seeing this, I felt the coldness melt away a bit and I found myself truly seeing her this time.

I managed a smile. "Are you okay, Yugito?"

Her gaze snapped over to me, and for a second, I saw fury rise up in her expression before being doused by another expression I couldn't quite read. For once though, she didn't try to convey her thoughts to me using words. She came up to me, pushed the pack off of my shoulders gently and my eyebrows raised as I watched her.

"Uh, Yugito?"

Yugito made eye contact with me, seemingly searching for something before she did something I would have never expected: she hugged me. She didn't cry, she didn't say a word to show any grief, she just...hugged me. I think that this struck me harder than if she had done those other things. Yugito didn't show her fondness much, only cracking a witty joke here and there to show she was listening, and the most she'd ever touched me was stroking my hair or letting me rest on her when I was tired. But, never had she outright _hugged_ me.

Then, almost as quickly, she pulled back, looking me straight into the eyes again.

"To see you alive and well... Nothing could make me happier than I am right now."

My eyes widened, unable to reconcile with what I was hearing. "Uh... I'm sorry."

She let out a dignified snort "Of course you are."

And, that was it. She was standing up after that and I was pulling back on my pack.

"Hey, I found the informant," I said, catching her attention immediately, "but he ran away. I couldn't get him to agree to come with us."

She nodded. "Then, perhaps it was not meant to be, though I loathe informing the Raikage of such."

She walked ahead of me as we slowly made our way through enemy territory back towards the beach. I turned to look at her.

"Hey, Yugito?"

Looking at me, the blonde raised an eyebrow. "Yes?"

"Could... Could you train me harder? I want to get a lot stronger. I don't want this to ever happen again."

Yugito smiled. "It would seem we have a plan. I, too, am wary of this happening again."

I smiled back. Well, now all I had to do was get strong enough to beat back a cagey, crafty, devious demon of a man and enforce that I wasn't interested in being his little puppet.

Hah, someone must _really_ hate me out there.

* * *

Who hates Danzo out there? Raise your hands! :) I kid, I kid. I actually like Danzo, the old codger of a bastard. Fucking smart as hell. If only Sasuke wasn't as much of an asshole as he was, then maybe he wouldn't have died in such a manner. Pfft, he deserved it though.


	25. Chapter 25

So, here you go. I won't have time to write for a little while, so enjoy this cliffhanger for a while. :)

2Lazy2Login: Login, damn it. lol Actually, Hotaru is nearly eight by this chapter. A timeline? Well, from chapter 1-11, she was 5 years old. She turned six between chapters 11-12, and as of halfway through chapter 17, she turns seven.

TheWick: Eh, I'm sporadic with updates. I write when I've time, and when I have a clear idea of what I wish to come across in my work.

* * *

I bounded up towards the tree branch, ricocheting off of it as I cocked my fist back and aimed my next blow straight at her. Yugito caught my wrist, swung me around a few times and sent me flying up into the air, a few kunai leaving her hand immediately after. I raced to grab my own and counter each one as much as I could, but two inevitably tore through my shirt, searing into my right biceps and my left thigh. I forced the pain back, flipping backwards to land on the ground swiftly.

Releasing my speed limits, I zoomed straight for her again, zipping to the right as my hands flew through seals I now knew as well as the backs of my hands. Yugito merely watched me as two fingers circled my mouth and I let out a powerful fireball – more powerful than anything I'd ever managed up to now. A water jutsu left her own lips, and I was reminded easily of her jounin rank as she overwhelmingly doused my fireball with enough left over to nearly swamp me. I held up a couple of fingers, arcing them upwards and back before I whipped my hand forward.

Yugito's eyes narrowed, starting to look angry as I shouted, "Raiton: Tezzuna!"

An extremely dense whip of lightning left through my finger, leaping across the ground, extending out further as soon as it hit whatever puddles were left from Yugito's water technique.

"You can't control your chakra well enough for that yet!" she said, her voice loud enough to carry across the field. "I specifically said that was forbidden!"

Danzo wasn't going to wait for me to get better at chakra control before screwing up my life even more, and I couldn't face my sister if I couldn't somehow get stronger before we met again. Chakra control exercises were for when I was resting at home, not when I was in the middle of a practice spar. Ignoring her words, I attempted to send more chakra through, but charged her entire foot with the lightning element and slammed it down on my whip, inverting the energy and making it come storming back at me. I let out a cry of surprise as the lightning furiously charged back, slamming into my body and pushing me across the training field with all the force of a sledgehammer.

I grunted, narrowing my eyes back at her, but she was obviously in no mood to deal with my obstinacy today. She flashed forward, her position changing from the left to the right time after time until she was on me, her elongated nails ready to slash me apart. I blocked her hand with my kunai, but couldn't hold for long simply as a result of her increased strength and power. She eased up, making me stumble forward before spinning around and landing a kick to the side of my head.

I hit the ground hard enough to cause another explosion of pain before I felt a flicker of chakra, and _there she was_. Scooting back as I tried to evade her next attack, she grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and slammed a fist right into my abdomen. Pain flooded my body as I fell back onto my feet, and then, my knees. She loomed over me, her arms folded across her chest.

"Is that it?" she asked me, an eyebrow raised.

Those were the exact same words she'd said to me after kicking my ass months ago. I gritted my teeth and glared up at her. Was I finished? No, not yet, damn it. I still had more left in me yet!

I clapped my hands together, and Yugito readied herself for the attack she thought was sure to come, but I slammed my hands into the ground instead, letting the explosion of lightning against the surface send me rocketing back into the air. A tremble of pain rolled through me as I concentrated a lot of my chakra towards my fingers again, and this time, I could feel the anger roll off of her.

" _Shinrai_! Enough, I said!"

"Stop babying me!" I yelled back.

The lightning crackled at the tips of my fingers before I brought my hand down, letting the chakra extend into the dense whip from earlier as it raced right for her. I saw Yugito let out a slow breath before charging her left hand, wrist, and forearm with a coating of lightning chakra to offset my attack. She struck out at the whip, grasping it in her grip as its tailed whirled around her forearm. Then, in one smooth motion, Yugito _pulled_ , spinning me around in the air until I cancelled the technique and somersaulted backwards before landing on the ground heavily. Wincing at the pain running through my body from all the chakra I'd been using, I gritted my teeth, determined to make the most of this training session.

Getting Yugito to really train me, and not simply help me out with what I was performing wrong, was like trying to pull teeth without anesthesia. Ever since we'd gotten back to Kumogakure – she'd sent a clone to continue looking for me as she remained the village, apparently having been punished for bringing me along on a mission when she hadn't asked for permission – Yugito had been extremely wary of letting me do much of anything. Study? Sure. I could go all out with that. Learn to control my chakra better? She wholeheartedly encouraged that. Actually push myself and put myself in possibly dangerous situations? No, no, that earned a slap on the wrist.

I don't think I'll ever understand just how affected she'd been by my putting myself in harm's way, and I honestly believed that it made her take a step back and really look at me. She wanted me to excel, but more so than that, her goal this entire time was to help me be _human_. Putting my life on the line for someone, even a clone, was a very human thing to do, but she worried I might have done it because I simply didn't care for my existence for an action like that to be all that big a deal. She'd wanted to pull me back a bit to reorient me with how it feels to live a "normal" life, but I couldn't do that anymore.

Had I never met Kabuto, that might have been a possibility. I could've sat around in the kitchen while she cooked up dinner, traded banter with her each night and attempt to beat her at Trivial Pursuit: Shinobi Style (she rather enjoyed it when I "made" up this game), but that was no longer an option. I simply _couldn't_ ignore everything I'd heard, and I couldn't ignore the fact that, let's face it, I wasn't going to be beating anyone down with either brain or brawn anytime soon. I needed training. I needed action. I needed missions.

I didn't need babying. I didn't want babying. I didn't want, nor need, to be human. I needed to grow. To learn. To become something far better, because if I didn't, I would continue to be a pawn in someone else's plans. If I had to shed my humanity to eventually save myself, and that of my family, I'd do it. I hadn't exactly been a saint in my previous life – I knew how to toss things away for the sake of a goal.

I hated to, but I could. And, I would.

I'd at first tried to reason with her through logic, a device she very much understood and related to. But, attempting that so soon after our reunion had not been my brightest idea, and the usual calm, emotionless, unmovable, unflappable woman had entirely balked at the idea of taking up training so quickly after nearly dying. She, in trying to teach me what it meant to truly live, was starting to learn herself and grow up in an even more wholesome way, emotionally. I think that had anyone else broached the subject of me and training, she would have rebuffed them just as easily and forcefully. I had, without a doubt, been stumped on what to do about my situation. What could I do to get through the head of a logical person who refused to think logically at this one moment in time? I had to switch tactics, and, they were admittedly childish ones.

I first attempted to sacrifice our bonding times together. When Yugito asked me a question, or attempted to start a conversation, I thoroughly ignored her. When that hadn't worked, I'd attempted to simply stay as far away from her as physically possible, but getting away from her for long proved quite difficult as she is very adept at sensing my chakra. So, I was forced to try and sacrifice my eating habits. This had caused her some distress, but it wasn't until I sacrificed my sleep in addition to it that the switch finally flipped in her head.

We'd argued – oh, how we'd argued.

"Why are you doing this?" she'd asked, and I'd told her that I'd tried to reason her, to explain my thoughts and future goals, and that she had been unwilling to see her veil of fear (?) and see that I was trying to become stronger so it _wouldn't_ happen again. I realized that I was one of the first people for her to grow close to, and that she was as dangerously protective of me as a cat was of its family, but sheltering me was _not_ the way to help me.

It was odd – _I'm_ usually the emotional one, but it was like our roles had switched around. It had taken some weeks, but it wasn't until early January that she'd finally relented. It had been slow-going at first, as she'd been unwilling to really hurt me, but apparently, sometime in between our second and third training session, she'd gone to Killer Bee for advice. I'm not sure what he'd told her, but when she faced me on that training field, it had been as if the terrible mission down in Kiri had never happened. She'd looked at me impassively, coldly, in an almost deadly manner. I never thought I'd be so happy to see her look at me like that. I'd never met Killer Bee, but I owed him for whatever he'd done to get through to her.

She was precise, dangerous, a sharp kunai in living form, and battling against her was like certain death. Yugito hadn't yet gone full jounin on me, and I was somewhat thankful – I wanted to train, not die. What she did do, though, was adapt her level to just a few degrees above what she felt I was capable of handling. If I was now a bit better than a normal genin, then she was a mid-level chuunin with the jutsu, speed, handling, and tactics to accompany that rank. When I got better, she'd pull at more of her arsenal, but until then, she was just dangling that prospect in front of my face, daring me to grow stronger and prove that she'd need to do so to survive.

Yugito had helped me create another new attack, but the control it required was currently beyond me. If my chakra control had been good enough, I could form tendrils of lightning to wrap around and make an unbreakable rope that could capture my enemy and sear them with its power, or electrocute them entirely, depending on how much chakra I used. All I could do now, though, was make something that looked reminiscent of a flowing whip-like substance that, at best, could strike the enemy and scorch them at the place it made contact. Yugito was quite correct that I needed more training before I'd ever master the technique I, myself, had created, but time was something I wasn't so sure I had.

When the war finally started up, whenever that was going to be, I wouldn't have the luxury of training myself in every avenue. I definitely wouldn't have the opportunity to try out new attacks and not have to worry about them failing. When the war came to be, all I would be able to rely on was what I'd already learnt, and chakra control exercises were things I could do wherever I was, no matter what. No, for right now, I needed to push myself to my very limits, because I wouldn't have the opportunity later. I wouldn't have Yugito there to lecture me. I wasn't even sure if my sister would be there to do so. I had nothing I could fully depend on, so, I had to do everything I could right here and now. There was no other possible way to get anything done otherwise.

I'd grown up the slow way once. I wasn't interested in doing that again. I was done with that.

I pushed my way up to my feet, feeling myself sway slightly. Damn it, I was running low on fuel.

I eyed Yugito with a frown, remembering how she'd essentially made a cloak of electricity to protect herself from my attack. I had an idea for a new attack and would've much rather figured out the general logistics here with her than try to tinker with it for myself and actually get myself killed somehow. The attack would essentially turn me entire body into an electric bomb that would explode with chakra that would flash out in a wave. I would be a last-ditch effort and would probably put me out of a fight for good at me current levels. Even if I tried it out now, I probably wouldn't manage much more than a very thin layer of cloaked electricity that, at best, might cause increased static electricity for my opponent. I wouldn't die in the attempt, and neither would anyone else, but...

Yugito would _ne-e-e-e-ever_ go for it. If she ever found out that I was trying to create an AOE attack like that with my chakra levels, she'd slap me without reservation. She might even be too irritated to apologize thereafter. If she found out, she might put an end to our little sessions. After all, it wasn't very human of a person to create an attack that could potentially kill themselves if done wrongly.

 _If_ she found out, that is.

I caught her gaze right before she disappeared from view. I quickly looked around, trying to get a lock on her chakra signature as I readied my kunai for a possible surprise attack. Yugito appeared again right in front of me, a fist lashing out to pop me right in the face and send me reeling back, surprise hitting me as hard as her fist. Following up with an uppercut to my chin, I then found myself feet swept out from underneath me, sending me crashing down to the ground. She flipped me over, grasping both of my wrists and bending my arms, holding them tightly against my back. I winced and she pushed a knee into my lower back, pushing in to show that she was serious.

"Do you give?" Yugito asked me in that eerily calm voice of hers.

Under normal circumstances, I definitely would have. But, I had a technique I wanted to try now, and there was no time like the present. I'd probably raise her ire, but better now than when I was in the middle of the war with a large probability of failure blanketing over me.

"No," I growled out, inwardly spreading out my chakra as evenly as I could manage across my entire body.

My chakra control was pretty shitty, though, so it was a lot denser in several areas than it was in others, but that would have to do for now. As I struggled against her binds more for the sake of making her think I would try to force my way out of her grip, I tried to focus on creating an even flow of chakra, distributing it more and more in various layers. There weren't that many – I was running pretty low, but it was enough for a trial run. I forced the chakra to adapt to my natural elemental affinity of lightning as I pushed each layer to the surface of my skin. I felt the pain licking at my skin before I heard the almost unnatural crackling.

Pain seared its way through me as I pushed up one layer after another to supplement the first ones, letting the lightning cloak my body in the way I'd planned. I heard Yugito let out a small yelp as she suddenly let go of my hands.

"Shinrai, what are you – ?"

The pain grew even more the longer I held my new "technique", and the crackling was starting to hurt my ears. I'd run out of layers of already stabilized chakra, but the cloak was still obviously there, and it didn't seem like it was going away anytime soon.

"Shinrai! Stop it! Let go of the technique!"

Stop the technique? I realized that although I would've liked to, I wasn't sure how to. The chakra was already out of my body and was grounded to my skin, so it wasn't disappearing on its own. I wasn't feeding it anything further – it was its own energy right now, and wouldn't fade until it ran out. Was I instinctually feeding the cloak, although I was consciously trying not to? Was it similar to a genjutsu in that it worked until you told it to stop? Then, I wondered how I was supposed to tell it to stop. Was I just supposed to bring the energy back in?

I reached out and tried to pull the lightning chakra back in, but I felt pain similar to a hot iron pressed against my skin when I did that.

"Push it out, away from your body, don't pull it in again."

Well, that had been my initial plan for this "technique" in the first place, so I did as she suggested, though the pain was intense by this point. I concentrated on ejecting the cloak, pushing it as far away from myself as I could. I tried, but it seemed to just center back in on me, resting against my skin like it was stuck there.

"Use more power, Shinrai. Push it out with all of your strength."

Right. Yeah. Sure. What were we doing again?

I was kind of in pain at the moment.

"Push, Shinrai! It will kill you if you don't disconnect from it!"

Right. Right. Wait, what? Ah, wow, it's been a long time since I hurt like this.

Wait, push, yeah. Okay, but man, it hurt.

No, have to push, got to push... Was I having a baby?

Concentrate! Push the chakra away! But, maybe it was easier just letting it kill me?

No, what about that fucker, Danzo? _Concentrate_!

I gathered my wits about me just enough to expel a force greater than I'd ever managed, pushing the cloak far away from me and forcing the lightning to find a way to ground itself. My eyes stared blankly at nothing, and then I felt something... _touch_ me.

It didn't feel like a touch so much a like a terrible substance that sought to bring about the worst pain possible. I probably would have yelled out, but my throat hurt, too. Everything hurt, actually. Could I just lay here and _not_ move?

"Damn it, Shinrai," I heard Yugito curse, and the thought struck me that this was a very rare thing indeed. "Third-degree burns? What were you _thinking_?"

She paused. "...I'm going to have to pick you up now. This is going to hurt."

Could you not and say you –

 _AH_! _A-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H_! AH, what the flying, fucking, _HELL_?

I was staring up at the sky now, in her arms, but it felt like she'd just jabbed a thousand kunai into every part of my body, with how much pain I'd felt. My eyes found hers as I inwardly pleaded for her to _not move_ , but she just looked at me with grim resignation. No, don't move. _Don't_ –

* * *

When I woke up, I opened my eyes to a dimly lit room, immediately sensing that there was someone to my side. My heart raced as I turned to see who it was, my neck hurting as I did, but I relaxed when I just saw Yugito sitting there. Not only Yugito either, but a tall man with dark skin and platinum-blond hair. He wore sunglasses over his eyes – really, sunglasses indoors? – and looked at me impassively. His lips formed a slow smile and for a moment, I almost thought he looked rather cool with his really tough build and calm countenance. Until he talked, that was.

"Hey, yo, wassup! Looks like you're finally up! Me and Yugi been waitin' here all day to see you wake up and be all like, 'hey'! She was totally worried, afraid you'd hit your mark, but I told her not to knock it, 'cause I knew you still had some spark, ya fool, ya fool!"

I stared blankly at the man, not really sure what I was hearing and why he felt it pertinent to talk like that.

"Uh, what?" I asked most intelligibly.

At this point, Yugito had woken up, but the guy wasn't done talking yet. "What, you can't hear no more? Well, I've got more in store! You totes freaked her out, and that's about all you can spout? Little kids like you ain't got no respect, and on that I'm definitely willin' to bet!"

I continued to stare at him because there just wasn't anything I could say at this point.

He stopped talking (finally!) when Yugito let out a soft sigh. "Killer Bee, I'm sure she knows by now that what she did was _very stupid_ and _quite ridiculous_. There is no need to lecture her further on the matter, because I'm certain she'll _never_ attempt something like that ever again."

She gave me a pointed glare and I backed away in my bed. "I'm sorry?"

"'I'm sorry'?" Yugito repeated, sounded dumbfounded. "'I'm sorry' won't take away the image in my head of you covered in third-degree burns, your clothes burnt off because you attempted a technique that you _never told me anything about_."

I turned away. "If I'd told you, you would've banned me from doing it."

" _Or_ ," she rebutted, "I might have helped you fine tune it so that it didn't nearly _kill_ you. The technique has incredible potential, and I have nothing against you widening your repertoire, but for the _last_ time, your chakra control is not good enough! How many times do I have to tell you this?"

I turned away from her so I didn't have to see the emotion swirling in her eyes. Taking risks was normal when you were pushing yourself. So I failed this time. I'd just have to improve next time. I could do that.

"I'll be better at it next time," I muttered.

"That's not..." she started before sighing and shaking her head.

I noticed the man I now knew to be Killer Bee turn to me, his expression speculative.

"That really was stupid of you when you don't even have the basics down," he said normally, surprising me by how educated he sounded. Then, he ruined that by adding, "You gonna die before you're even old, best believe you've just been _told_! We ain't got no time for fools, keep that up and you'll just be some tool!"

I glared at him. "Could you, you know, _not_ talk like that?"

Killer Bee seemed miffed. "What you got against good rap? I've got the rhythm, bip, bom, boom, zap!"

"Killer Bee is the one who made me see reason about training you," Yugito smoothly cut in, not allowing me to back away from her gaze. "I was uncertain. After all that has happened, I worried about all of the what-ifs. But, he helped me to realize that sheltering you would hardly help you grow into a better kunoichi, or a person for that matter. But it is times like these that make me wonder if I made the right decision in doing so."

I turned away again. "I just...want to get stronger. I hate being this weak."

"I understand that," Yugito said softly, with Killer Bee staying quiet. "I really do, and I, too, wish that you would grow strong enough to protect yourself and others as well. But I can't help you reach that goal if you can't trust me enough to let me help you the right way. If I say no to something, it is because I believe you are not yet ready, not because I want to hold you back."

"I get that, but..."

I couldn't tell her that the war wouldn't allow that. I couldn't tell her that when the war came, I would be leaving. I couldn't bear to see what that would do to her. I really couldn't. Besides, it would hurt me almost as much to lose her, but... I had a sister waiting for me back in Konoha. And, I had a fucker that really needed his ass kicked around like a pinball. I couldn't stay here. I couldn't.

"I just don't want to wait any longer," I finally finished.

Yugito looked at me for a long while before cracking a smile as she wrapped one of my hands in one of her own. Warmly, she told me, "I understand. Let me research some chakra control techniques that will suit your personality a bit more, all right? Until then, please try to get some rest. I mean it."

I slowly looked over at her, seeing the genuine smile on her face as she looked with me. It sent a spark of pain running through me, but I forced a smile to my lips. I might not have her for much longer, but I could always enjoy the time I still had left with her.

"All right. Thanks Yugito."

"Anytime," she replied, standing up. "I've got to get going. Sleep well."

She nodded her head at Killer Bee as she left my bedside and walked out of the hospital room, and I looked up at him instead. He frowned at me, and shrugged his shoulders.

"It's been a long time since she's looked that happy," he rumbled softly. "So, thanks. And you best be willin' to wait, 'cause if you piss her off again, she's just gonna set you straight, ya fool, ya fool!"

"Right," I answered dryly, and Killer Bee smirked at me.

He set out to leave the room, and I found myself calling his name involuntarily. When he turned back to look at me, an eyebrow raised, I opened my mouth to speak, but found myself incapable of saying the words I dearly wished to.

 _If something ever happens to me, be sure to take care of Yugito._

I wanted to, but I couldn't say them. So I just shut my mouth and waved goodbye at him. He seemed confused, but pumped his fist into the air before walking out of the room. I let out a sigh and fell back against the pillows on my bed, my eyes staring at the ceiling, despite how dark the room was. I'm not sure how long I stared at that damnable ceiling, thinking about the future to come. It might've been minutes, or hours. I couldn't be sure. I think I was actually almost asleep when I heard this soft pop in my room.

My eyes flew open and I bolted upwards on my bed, reaching for a kunai that wasn't there as I looked at my invader. Then, for a moment, I thought that either my eyes were failing me or that I was in the middle of a dream, for there surely couldn't be a gentle looking deer peering at me with almost humanlike intelligence. The deer walked up to my bed.

"It took some time to register your chakra signature, Mitarashi-san," the deer said.

I stared blankly at the deer. Right. Talking deer. I was still very much asleep.

Looking around the room, I debated whether I could stab myself with a spoon and have it wake me up.

"This is not a dream," the deer said, sounding almost amused.

"Of course not," I replied, my voice sounding a bit empty. "Talking deer totally exist. Right up there with flying pigs."

The deer snorted before growing serious. "There isn't much time so I will be quick. On the light of the full moon of a fortnight past, so will the sand and leaves billow together for a devastating combination that will result in the bloodied rain of all the clouds as far as the eye can see. Let it be said that not only should the shell be beaten, but the heart and soul to a crushing finish of unexplainable proportions. The leaves await you in the darkness where you first met the one that's now crumbled and expired, your salvation and safety assured, should you find yourself able to greet it."

I froze. "What."

The deer bowed its head and just as I was scrambling for it tell me more, it vanished with a puff of smoke, making me reach out into open air and flip over the edge of the bed. I fell down onto the tiled floor, my heart pounding hard in my head.

In two weeks, Konoha and Suna would finally launch their attack? In two weeks? That... That wasn't much time.

My head fell down to look at the floor.

That wasn't much time at all.

* * *

Bahahahaha! *runs away*


	26. Chapter 26

Ah, so, I lied? Oh well. Enjoy the story.

FanaticFanGirl: Eh heh. :)

TheGuyWhoReviews: Glad you enjoyed it, bro!

TheWick: No Cloud? That'd suck monkey balls.

Rehtnapome: Look forward no more, for it is here!

* * *

"I have suffered, I have bled, I have sacrificed that of a thousand led, yet here I stand unassumed, my eyes raised towards the high noon. Never ending, never yielding, that great star high above; never fleeting, never passing, that sun I have always loved."

Since receiving the message, I spent most of my time after that in the hospital bed, looking at the window at the structures I could see in the far off distance. Yugito came by every so often to keep me company, but due to circumstances I wasn't at all aware of, she always came in looking tense, somewhat irritated, and ready to snap at any given moment. When she saw me, though, the shadows faded from her eyes just enough to tell that she was genuinely happy to see me again. Yugito would sit at my side, and wouldn't offer up many words for conversation, but just her being there both comforted me and hurt me.

I'd look at her and see the woman who had taken me in and tried to change me for the better, taking on my training and trying to create a lively environment for me to grow up in. Then, I'd look at her again and see the enemy soldier with dispassionate, impassive eyes set on destroying me once she realized my true nature and everything that I really was. Yugito would smile and I would recognize her for that beautiful nineteen-year-old with an amazing future ahead of her with the rate she was going. But, I also felt the pain in my heart over the realization that I would never once again see such a wonderful smile from her again – at least, not directed towards me. At times, I even thought that she would be the one to kill me herself upon figuring out my situation. I desperately hoped she didn't. I really didn't want to hurt her in any way. She didn't deserve it.

I closed my eyes, my fingers clawing against the blanket as I drew them inwards. For once, I was thinking nothing of how I could now finally begin _truly_ plotting my revenge. I thought nothing of how I would finally be reunited with my sister. I thought nothing of how I would finally be free of this ridiculousness and stupidity. But, I also thought of how, in some ways, I could stay in Kumo, and pretend to truly just be a lost child soldier with an aimless passion. I wished, at times, that I could simply play the role of Yugito's apprentice, and learn under her tutelage in order to become an infiltrator known across the lands. I wished I could continue living this fantasy that had been constructed around me with me being any the wiser.

But I couldn't. And it hurt so much.

When Yugito came again that day, looking as weary and worn as she had as of late, I looked at her with one of the largest smiles I could manage, although I just wanted to attach myself to her side and cry out everything I'd been hiding deep within my heart and mind. I wanted to pour out my soul to her. That wouldn't do any good though, so I chose to try and wipe away that frown of hers with my most chipper attitude. It didn't hurt much that I truly did enjoy her visits, but it was also pleasing to see the darkness present on her face fade away, even if only a bit and only for a short moment.

"Yugito! Hey!" I exclaimed, feeling like I was greatly out of character, but unwilling to show her anything less.

Her eyes widened a touch at my exuberance, and I could tell she was inwardly calculating what might have caused the sudden change. As soon as she reached my side, I latched onto her hand, pulling her closer in until she was practically leaning over me.

"What's this all of a sudden?" she asked bemusedly.

I didn't answer. I couldn't. I just kept holding her hands, taking in the warmth and knowing that this was a _real person_ and not some enemy figure without a face, character, personality, desires, or dreams. She was a walking, talking, _real person_ who cared, hurt, suffered, conquered, laughed, (probably) cried, and every other emotion that anyone else could manage. Yugito was not a cardboard cutout that hardly differed from any other person in Kumo. I had come to know her. I'd come to understand her a bit. I knew that if you cut her, she bled as red as anyone else. If you did something for her, she felt happiness just as strongly as anyone else.

Tears sparked in my eyes, unbidden and unwanted, but I couldn't help them. I held on tightly to Yugito's hand, unable to curb away the sudden trembling of my hands and wet drops made their way down my cheeks. I'm sure I was perplexing and worrying the blonde more than I ever had in the past, but I couldn't stop my heart from thundering with pain, nor could I push away the knowledge that I would be losing this new important person of mine very soon. I didn't want to fight her. God, how I didn't want to fight her.

Yugito was quiet for some time, before tentatively asking, "...Shinrai, what's wrong?"

I'll bet that no one realized that underneath that calm, composed exterior was a young woman who craved someone to love her so dearly, but achingly knew that because of who she was, because of the beast within her, that no one would truly look to her in such a way. I'll bet that no one knew that Yugito was agonizingly awkward in an intimate setting, so much that she would become completely speechless not because she was being thoughtful or considering every turn of a conversation, but because she didn't want to take the chance of alienating anyone further accidentally. She took her time to answer questions and give comments after judging the other's person's mannerisms in full, drawing upon her detailed knowledge of their background or whatever else to understand how to compile together a fitting response. That's why she chose to become an infiltrator and information gatherer in the first place – she wanted to understand what she thought she would never be able to comprehend.

They'll never know that she loves to cook, absolutely adores it, but has no one to cook for or try her inventions. People will never know that when she falls asleep in the living room, a safe and comfortable environment, she automatically curls up like a cat. They will also never know the look of utter humiliation that crosses her face when seen in such a position. People will never know that when you throw a ball of yarn right in front of her face, she immediately tries to latch onto it (she'd thrown that ball back at me _so_ , _fucking_ , _HARD_ after her embarrassment faded). They'll never know that when she attaches herself to someone, she can't make herself let go.

I looked into Yugito's concerned eyes and bit onto my bottom lip. People would never know that Yugito hates staying angry with someone, because it means she couldn't control herself well enough to see the possible logic behind the action, and it only causes her to retreat even further into herself each time. They'd never know that she fought to protect them, not because it was her duty, but because she genuinely desired to _help_. If she couldn't be their friends, then at the very least, she would be their sword and shield.

I... I didn't think I'd know this at all myself, but Yugito had truly let her barriers down around me in an effort to make me _see_. In an effort to make me _understand_ , she allowed herself to open up entirely, risking herself for more pain and betrayal. And, to think I was only planning to do that exact thing... How despicable of a person was I?

"Yugito?" I murmured, getting her full attention.

"Yes, Shinrai?"

"Can I go home with you now? I don't want to be here anymore."

Yugito stared at me with nothing short of disbelief. I could understand this – never once had I ever called that house a home. And, I still didn't consider it home. I couldn't, and probably never would. If there was ever a particular place to call home, it was the place I'd "grown" up in with Anko, but even then, it was just a _place_. It could be torn down and rebuilt. It meant nothing. To me, home was where the heart truly was.

Most people had one home to call their own, whether that was dependent on their actual family or the place of dwelling. But me? No, I had two. Anko was the first, and someone I loved more dearly than I could believe. Our separation had only developed those feelings into something even stronger. Now, though, I also had Yugito, someone I'd only known hardly even half a year, and yet she had already wedged herself within my heart. It made me miserable, but even if she did kill me, I wouldn't begrudge her for it. I couldn't. I had fallen in far too deeply.

She frowned at me, looking almost lost. "...Home?"

"Yeah," I reaffirmed, telling her she hadn't heard wrong. "Home."

"B-but you..." she floundered slightly, and it caused me to smile. There was that awkwardness again.

It didn't take her long to recompose herself, and she offered me a warm smile. "Let me check with the doctor. Wait here."

When she left, I tried to think of how everything seemed from her shoes, and I knew my random outbursts were bewildering and suspicious, but...

I grabbed my chest, grasping at the gown as my first began to shake again. I couldn't help it. As each minute ticked on, that was one minute less that I had to spend together with her. That was one minute less I had to continue with this charade, but one minute less I wouldn't be able talk with her as if we were growing to be close friends. Soon enough, this would all be nothing but a fleeting memory at the outreaches of my mind, just barely still there to focus on. How would she look at me when I turned back to Konoha's side? With disdain? With contempt? With rage?

With hurt from my betrayal?

Yugito came back soon enough, holding a piece of paper as she gave me another smile.

"I spoke with your doctor," she started, reaching my side with a few steps. "While he wasn't particular pleased, he said you were more or less on your way to a full recovery and that that was something that could be done at home."

I noticed her trip over the word "home", if just barely. No one else would've ever heard the pause.

Pulling the covers off, I gingerly set my bare feet on the cold, tiled floor. Her hand gently touched my shoulder, and I looked up at her as we began to shunshin away from the hospital, landing some ways away towards the center of the village. Another shunshin later brought us closer to the place where we resided together, and just one more found us within the living room, Yugito looking no worse for wear despite the energy she'd exerted.

"Are you tired?" she asked kindly. "You should get some more rest."

I was tired, actually, but it wasn't the exhaustion she was referring towards. I looked out of the window, seeing that it was the late morning, the sun still making its way up high into the sky. Turning back to her, I nodded slowly, weary from the thoughts whirling in my mind and the choice I would soon have to make. Yugito made a small smile in acknowledgement and nodded her head toward my room, her command for me to go to sleep silent.

I toddled into my room, looking around it at the bare walls and things that didn't really feel like _mine_. I walked to the dresser, pulling out my pajamas and slowly dressing before I climbed into my bed. It hadn't been an expensive one, but regardless, Yugito had bought it, which made it priceless. How much longer would I have to rest within it?

When I woke up again hours later, I saw the sun starting to set in the distance, casting my room with shades of orange, purple, pink, yellow, and red. Climbing out of my bed, I walked up to the window in my room, placing my hand against the glass. It seemed like it didn't matter where I was, that sun never changed. It never turned its back on anyone. It rose dutifully and fell without rest. In a way, I really envied something that glowed so bright, because it had nothing to prove – it had nothing to hide.

I walked into the living room to see Yugito on the floor, looking over a variety of information. Her, again, shadowed eyes slowly lifted up when she noticed my presence, and a smile slowly made its way across her face.

"Did you sleep well?" she asked.

I fell silent for a bit but then nodded, smiling myself. "Sure did."

"Good."

My smile slipped a bit. "Hey Yugito?"

Her eyes found mine again. "Yes?"

"Could you make me something to eat?"

Yugito seemed taken aback but pleased, just the same. "What would you like?"

I found my gaze drawn to the trash can where a number of her "failures" had gone, though she'd never let me try a single one. It might have been due to self-consciousness, but if she made something, she only wanted to let me try it if it looked to be of top quality. That kind of ruined the point of trying dishes, in my opinion, but who was I to say otherwise. I turned back to her.

"Something new, something different. I don't care what."

This seemed to put her in something of a pickle, which made sense. I hadn't exactly been very forthcoming with what I wanted, exactly.

Yugito frowned slightly. "Something...different?"

I pointed at the large vegetable on the counter that _neither_ of us could figure out. I didn't know what mission she picked that thing up on, but it was ugly as sin and we weren't sure how to cook it. Yugito followed the direction of my finger and just gave me this look like, "You're kidding, right?"

Seeing that I wasn't budging on the matter, she dutifully rose from the floor, though she obviously thought the idea was terrible. She pulled back the sleeves of her sweater as she walked into the kitchen and washed her hands thoroughly. I saw her dark eyes peer back at me as I walked up to the table and sat down in a chair. As Yugito dried her hands with a towel, she frowned at me again.

"I'm not quite certain what to do with it though."

"I don't care," I told her, tilting my head to the side. "Whatever you make always tastes good. Besides, I like your experiments."

Her eyes widened with disbelief again as a barely noticeable hue of red came across her cheeks. Unsure of what to say, she turned her gaze away as she faced the counters again. I watched her reach for the vegetable and then waver hesitantly. Then, after a moment of deliberation, she took the ugly ass thing and twirled a knife in her hands as she readied herself to cut it. I grew wary the second that stupid thing was opened, but Yugito cut off enough for a sample, tilted her head as if puzzled, and then proceeded to cut the rest up.

I watched her work, my head in my hands. "Do you want some help?"

She'd just been putting on a pot for boiling by the time I asked, but turned around regardless.

"You're quite...different, today," she said, some suspicion clouding her words. "What did you do now?"

I laughed. "You know, there's this person I met recently."

Yugito raised an eyebrow, resting her hip against the counter and crossing her arms over her chest as she focused on me. "Go on."

"The person's really strong, and capable," I explained. "Very giving, very deserving, but you know, I never really appreciated them all that much. After what happened recently, I thought that maybe it was time to show them that I cared, even if only little by little."

She looked somewhat baffled as to what to say, and her eyebrows furrowed. "Shinrai, I..."

I snorted. "Who's talking about you? I'm telling you about this person I met."

Her mouth clicked shut as she was forced to switch trains of thought, but she managed a knowing smile. "Well, I hope this person finds out just how much you truly care, whoever they may be."

"I hope so," I agreed, resting my head on the table as I continued looking at her. "I just want it to be all about them for once, even if only for a day."

A muscle in Yugito's jaw jumped as her eyes narrowed dangerously. She abruptly turned back around to face the counter and ready up the rest of our dinner, completely taking me aback. I hadn't intended to insult her – I'd been entirely honest with my feelings. Maybe she didn't want that kind of attention. I got up from the table and walked to her side.

"Yugito, did I say something wrong?"

She didn't answer, and I was starting to get worried until I heard her softly whisper, "No."

"Then why are you –"

"I'll take care of dinner," she whispered again. "Set the table, please."

Yugito had never really _whispered_ commands to me before. It kind of scared me, because I knew she wasn't angry. When Yugito became angry, the temperature dropped a few degrees, but there was nothing indicating that she was anything of the sort. Actually, everything about her seemed normal, although her shoulders were rather tense. Whatever the case, I did as she asked, and was sitting down quietly in my spot when she carried over steaming hot plates of whatever she'd made. There were also small dishes of different little veggies and salad. I was super happy to see stewed eggplant among them, and flicked my gaze up at her to say thank you. Yugito didn't look at me though. She didn't look at me when we thanked the gods for the meal, not when we finished, not when we did the dishes, nor even after.

When she seemed ready to retreat back to her work, I tugged gently at the edge of her sweater, but she refused to look down.

"...Can we play some Trivial Pursuit, please?"

Her shoulders tightened even more. I backed off slightly. "...Is that a no?"

"Why now?" she asked miserably, and I was utterly shocked to find a tear travel down her cheek. "What am I supposed to...? I don't..."

I held up my hands to placate her. "We don't have to play. Just a suggestion. Don't cry, please."

Her tear-filled eyes shifted slowly to look at me. "How could something that makes me so happy hurt so much at the same time? I don't understand what to make of how I'm feeling right now."

I stared at her, my heart breaking a bit. I wasn't sure why she was hurting either. I let my eyes fall to the floor.

"Yugito, what would you like to do?"

That caught her attention quickly. "Me? What...would _I_ like to do?"

"Well, yeah." I shrugged.

The idea seemed to be a foreign concept to her, I realized guiltily. I didn't even know why I was surprised. Her entire life had been for the sake of others', so they could continue to do whatever it was _they_ wanted without a single interruption or concern. Yugito continued to stare at me, looking somewhat stricken.

"No one has," she started, pausing as she looked somewhat confused, "ever asked me that before."

I shrugged again. "First time for everything."

"Yes," she agreed haltingly. Then, with more than a little bit of hesitation, "I can ask for anything?"

"Uh," I mumbled. "If you say you want to go frolicking in the streets naked, I'm going to say you're on your own for that one."

"No need to worry on that matter," she returned dryly, a tone that made me feel so much better hearing from her again. "I just..."

Yugito took in a deep breath, as if she was going to ask for something really major. I prepared myself mentally for whatever it was she might request, until she said,

"I'd like to read you a book."

My breath whooshed out as I stared at her with surprise. "That... That's it? Sure, what book?"

Yugito had _to-o-o-o-o-o-ons_ of books. Those that weren't on the bookshelves were sealed in scrolls and alphabetically compartmentalized in her room. Sometimes, it felt like I was living in a library more so than a regular apartment. It was odd, at times, but that was just how she was. I'd read some of her collection before – there was some good stuff in there.

Yugito walked over to the bookshelf, gently sliding it from its spot and showing me the cover.

 _The Recollections of a Thousand Lies_. Well. That sounded welcoming.

The blonde sat on the couch, looking at me as she waited for me to take a seat next to her. She looked down that book, a finger tracing across the title as she seemed to reminisce over something.

"This was the first book I ever got to read," she said softly as nostalgia took her over. "It spoke of a young man who lived one lie upon another, one more always added to compensate for the previous one. At the end, he wakes from his dream, addled from the lies he thought he'd lived, all 999 of them, only to find out that none of that ever happened from the start, creating the one thousandth lie. It is not very optimistic, but I always looked at it wondering if maybe, just maybe, I would wake up, too, with my life yet unlived. Of course, I know that to be impossible now, but, when you're a child, you think you can do anything, that anything is possible. Then, reality shows itself."

I frowned at the explanation. "If you had woken up to find that everything had been a lie, what would that make us?"

Her finger stopped in it tracks and the book lowered to her lap. "It is moments such as these that I am very thankful that my life is not a lie."

Nodding slowly, and feeling like I was way too similar to this fictional character, I cuddled up next to Yugito.

"Read it to me?"

She gave me a soft smile, the book flipping open to the first page.

"As I wake up today, I see the new day. My bed is like always, and my hair a mess, my mom says. Nothing seems any different, the sky looking quite brilliant. Does my mom know, too, that I am living lie number twenty-two? How could she? That couldn't be..."

* * *

The sun was setting as the two of us walked down the street. Yugito had just delivered some reports for the umpteenth time to the Raikage, though I wasn't so sure why he was keeping her so unbelievably busy. Whatever the reason, it was really starting to wear her down. She'd come home and at some point, had fallen dead asleep on the floor next to the couch, her papers in her hands. She absolutely refused to tell me what his deal was, only smiling and shaking her head at me.

Right now, I was once again trying to get her to spill the beans.

"It's not right, Yugito," I argued again. "How's he expect you to get anything done if you keep filling out all these reports for all these other idiots?"

Yugito, as usual, balked at the answer. "This doesn't concern you, Shinrai. Don't worry about it."

"The hell it doesn't. That guy is just –"

Whatever I thought of the Raikage went unsaid when loud sirens went off across the entire village. Yugito's were immediately narrowed to slits as she fell into a fighting stance. I looked around with confusion. What was going –

"THE VILLAGE IS UNDER ATTACK!" screamed out of the nearest large speaker. "REPEAT. THE VILLAGE IS UNDER ATTACK. PROCEED WITH DEFENSIVE MEASURES. REPEAT. PROCEED WITH DEFENSIVE MEASURES."

"Wait, what are the defensive measures?" I asked hurriedly, looking around as ninja of all kinds suddenly came out of the woodwork.

"ALL HANDS TO THE KEY POINTS. REPEAT. ALL HANDS TO THE KEY POINTS."

Yugito grunted with irritation as she suddenly took off at an all-out run with me following as fast as I could. Her eyes flashed back to look at me and I released my speed seals, catching up with her for a brief second before she sped off again. I heard a number of screams come from the south towards the gate, and I gritted my teeth. Red flares were starting to pop off into the air, exploding in large clouds that scattered to the wind as a warning to every part of the village.

"How did they get in so far without notice?" Yugito rhetorically asked as we sped to the nearest key point.

I frowned, not willing to answer that one. Konoha had both the Byakugan and the Sharingan. The Byakugan used effectively could be helped to sneak up on unwilling victims. The Sharingan could be used to get in and finish whatever job quickly. Then, there was also the Aburame who could creep up on unsuspecting victims. The Yamanaka techniques could turn allies into foes, the Nara techniques could do much of the same. The Inuzuka were good at sniffing out the enemy territory, the Akimichi could barrel through whatever enemy came their way.

I didn't know much about the clans of Suna, but I doubted they would be too shabby. Plus, adding onto the fact that this had been set into motion over a year ago now, that was plenty of time to plan for inconsistencies and possible failures.

Yugito came to a skidding stop and flipped backwards when a couple of Suna ninja and an Uchiha appeared in her path. She got into her fighting stance, blocking one of the Suna ninja's blows and counterattacking with her own, sending the man flopping back onto the ground as a pool of blood collected around him. The Uchiha rushed in, three-tomoed Sharingan eyes whirling wildly as he tossed one punch after another, kicks following up thereafter. Yugito tried to counterattack, but the Sharingan read her movements and a hard kick caught her in her stomach, sending her stumbling back before ducking under another attack.

I leapt in, my kunai glinting in the light of one of the street lamps as I matched blow for blow with a chuunin Suna ninja. He threw a kick that went over my head as I ducked it and rotated around to his rear. The man turned immediately, hoping to catch me off guard.

"Fukashi no Kaze!" I yelled, vanishing from his very eyes as I evaded yet another attack.

From behind him again, I clapped my hands hard and slammed them into his back. My lightning seared across his body, making him scream. I'd made sure to hold back just enough that he wouldn't die on me, but then spun around and aimed my own kick at his side, throwing him towards the fighting Uchiha. The Uchiha's red eyes flashed over to look at me, even as he escaped another of Yugito's attacks. He abandoned his fight with her with a swift back flip, causing Yugito some alarm. I saw the red eyes whirl around as I looked into them, and then they narrowed.

"Shinrai!" Yugito shouted as the Uchiha sent a fist crashing into my gut and then threw me against the wall.

An explosion went off in the distance, casting us in a glow of red, orange, and yellow and Yugito tried to reach me and draw the Uchiha's attention away from me. He threw me to the ground, flashed through a number of seals. He didn't even say anything, simply taking a deep breath before it came out in a burst of fire, enlarging to the form of a giant dragon made of flames. I saw the shock in Yugito's eyes right before the dragon crashed in to her and sent her flying far away through one building after another, each one lighting aflame.

After sighing softly, he turned to glare at me. "You're in way over your head, kid."

I narrowed my eyes at him before seeing this incredible flash of blue chakra rise up into the sky and filled me with absolute terror. It didn't matter that I knew it was just Yugito transforming. Another explosion took place somewhere in the village, and I looked back toward the main gates, squinting my eyes as I tried to see what was going on. Suddenly, I heard a man screaming before smashing down onto the wood next to me, the disgusting crunch of his neck breaking causing me to shudder.

I turned my attention back to see Yugito charge in, her malicious chakra exploding around her. The Uchiha grabbed me, muttered, "Go do your damned job!", and then ran to the edge of the scaffold, throwing me down into the mountain valley below. Terror flooded my body as I fell in a freefall, and I forced myself to take in a shuddering breath. Quickly pushing my chakra outward, I readied myself for the oncoming impact as I fell _through_ the roof of the building, and the _next_ floor, and the _next_ , and then was sent crashing to the ground floor.

I coughed up blood as I wheezed. My right arm, not as broken as my left, reached up to my chest to see if I could tell how bad the damage was. A good number of my ribs had been broken, and my foot felt weird. My head had been messed up from birth, so I couldn't tell how much damage that had received. I let out shout of pain as I tried to roll over, and I think a sheen of sweat showed up on my forehead once I finally managed to stand up. I glanced down at my left foot, gritting my teeth when I realized it wasn't going to let me walk properly without pain.

Whatever. There were pills for shit like that. I just wish I, you know, had some.

I stumbled out of the shambled building, muttering "ow, ow, ow" every few seconds. I looked around me, seeing people fighting in the streets everywhere. Buildings were on fire, bodies lay dead everywhere, but Kumo wouldn't be defeated like this. Looking up towards the higher buildings, I saw a large blue flame of chakra bounce here and there, completely destroying its opposition. This wasn't taking into account Killer Bee, who was probably outside of the village, wrecking complete havoc on Suna and Konoha both.

High pitched wails caught my attention immediately. My head swiveled around to see a building collapsing on itself, and I made a sound of... I don't know, horror? Terror? Irritation? Annoyance? Why hadn't the children been evacuated from the academy and _I never meant to catch any kids in my explosions_ , and goddamn it, _why_?

With my one hand, I made a half-Rabbit seal, feeling the chakra in my body roar up as I used as much as I needed. With that done, I hobbled forward bit by bit, my left foot hurting so badly, but I couldn't stop, because if I stopped, and _oh God, why_?

I snuck past groups of fighting shinobi, and it, admittedly, bothered me that I hadn't yet seen sight of the Raikage. I wondered where he was fighting, and could say I honestly felt terrible for his opponents.

As I neared the academy, my face now slick with sweat from both exertion and pain from my injuries, I heard the muted cries of several children, but I did see some genin here and there trying to make a rescue effort. My genjutsu dropped from around me, startling one genin until she saw my forehead protector. I turned my gaze over to her, asking,

"Where are you taking these kids?"

"There's an underground shelter down beneath the school, but not everyone got to it in time. We're trying to clear enough debris to get to it."

I nodded slowly. "Good luck with that."

The girl took a second look at me. "You should get those injuries checked at the infirmary..."

"Later," I told her, dismissing the idea. "I'm looking for someone."

 _She'd damn well better not be here..._

I bumbled around, looking around breathlessly as I tried to take a count of all the children left. I'd made it around the perimeter and was about to breathe a sigh of relief when I saw the small shoes of one child, still attached to the person's feet. I warily pushed myself forward to see...

My eyes closed. Fuck it all.

I heard another explosion, and the glow casted a gentle light over Mizuki's features as she slowly turned to look at me, her eyes not quite focused. Slivers of wood were jammed straight into her stomach, and right thigh, as well as her left shoulder. The roof above us creaked warningly as I fell to my knees next to her.

"Mizuki," I murmured, at a loss for words. "Hey, look at me..."

She did, and a smile slowly made its way across her face. "...Shin...-chan..."

Mizuki's breathing was shallow and I knew that she wouldn't last much longer. I found myself unable to say much of anything, because there wasn't much to say to her. What could I say? That she was going to die and I hoped that her life, all seven years of it, had been awesome? A blast? Worth remembering? I couldn't say that.

"Mizuki," I whispered, and she tried her best to look at me. "Did you know, I met your mom?"

Her beautiful eyes widened slightly and I nodded. "Yeah, I met her. The woman was kickass."

Mizuki gurgled something of agreement, and I saw the blood bubble up through her throat. Oh God, she didn't have long anymore. She'd probably choke and asphyxiate at this rate. I closed my eyes tightly. Damn it.

"She was amazing. I didn't really get to know her, but I'll bet all your stories were spot on about her."

The girl was starting to cough as she fought to breathe. I gritted my teeth.

"I wish that she could've come home to you. I'm sorry."

I leaned forward as Mizuki's eyes followed me. I placed a hand on her chest, but her eyes looked at me with as much trust as ever.

"I'm sorry, Mizuki," I muttered, tears starting to spark in my eyes.

Lightning flared around my hand and I sent it jolting straight into her chest. Her eyes widened before turning glassy, her pupils flaring as her choking ceased entirely. I breathed in and out, my teeth grit together as I reached to close her eyes.

"I'm sorry for being the reason you lost your mom, Mizuki. I'm sorry."

I heard another explosion, and sniffed before pushing myself upward. A genin came running over towards me, looking at the dead body at my feet. He looked upset and I turned away.

"Are all of the children evacuated yet?"

"They're all in the shelter, yeah," the boy informed me.

I looked back at him, and whatever he saw in my gaze had him backing up a step.

"Good. You'd better get going, too."

Turning away again, I walked at my new speed that equated to being as slow as a damn turtle. When I was far enough away, I looked back at the building to still see idiot genin running around. I took in as many breaths as I could, my chest really killing me. More so than the pain, anger was filling me. I'd warned them.

I held a hand to my forehead protector, glaring in their direction.

 _I'd warned them_.

My chakra flooded my hitai-ate and I focused its signal on the building in front of me, watching as the two tags I'd placed there blew it up entirely into smithereens, flames licking at each surface. The genin didn't even have time to scream, but as long as the children were underneath the surface in a safe bunker, then I didn't really care. I sucked in a deep breath before bowing down my upper body in the direction of the now burning academy.

"I'm sorry, Mizuki. And good-bye."

A flicker of chakra flared as someone landed next to me. I ignored them, because if it was an enemy, they would have already killed me, and I knew it wasn't Yugito since she was going berserk in the upper buildings.

"Hotaru..."

My body stiffened. I turned around slowly, for that's all I could actually manage. I saw a Konoha ANBU ninja with a snake mask looking directly at me, appraising my form. I must have been quite a sight with tears streaks down my cheeks and dirt and smoke caked to my face and clothing. I was still breathing heavily, and my ribs were really bothering me.

Anko took a good hard look at me, her eyes narrowing behind her mask.

"It's time to go."

"I killed her," I said in barely above a whisper. "She's dead because of me."

"Who?" Anko asked, walking towards me.

"Mizuki," I managed to say, more tears flowing from my eyes. "She was just a kid!"

Anko lightly touched me, checking in various places for where I was hurt, but listening just the same. She looked straight into my eyes.

"Did she suffer?"

"I killed her so she wouldn't have to..."

My sister stood up and suddenly, I was in her arms. She nodded, whispering, "Good. You did good, Hotaru."

I shakily breathed in and out as Anko started hopping from one spot to another, my ribs protesting each jump, even though I knew she was trying her best to keep me from getting much more injured.

"How did you find me?"

Anko didn't answer at first. "I could never forget your chakra signature."

I rested my head against her shoulder. "I love you, Anko."

I wasn't sure how she reacted to that, as it was literally the first time I'd ever uttered the words to her. To her credit though, she never faltered in any step she took. I noticed, barely, that she wasn't taking the normal route out of the village, instead taking an unused mountain path. It was actually pretty incredible that Konoha knew of it, since even most of Kumo had forgotten it existed at all. As soon as she touched ground, Anko sped around the mountain ridge, her arms keeping me steady the entire time. We ran into little resistance along the way, and it seemed like we had gotten out of the biggest danger zone.

As soon as I thought we were scot free, Anko came to a full stop, her muscles tensing as she turned around slowly. I turned my gaze to look down the path at the blonde I'd hoped would never see me betray the village. Oh, how I had honestly hoped she'd never know.

Anko seemed to tense even more. "What do you want? I told you the last time we met that you'd better hope nothing happens to her. Did you forget that?"

"Did you forget that I promised to kill you next time we met?" spat Yugito with as much vehemence. "Though, that will have to wait until later."

I stared at the blonde, my eyelids starting to feel heavy. "...Yugito... I'm sorry, I..."

She only smiled sadly. "I knew this day would arrive, but I'd hoped that somehow..."

She shook her head and looked at Anko. "There isn't much that I can say. Please take care of her."

"What?" Anko and I asked simultaneously, shocked.

My sister adjusted me in her arms a bit. "Aren't you going to try to take her back?"

Yugito simply smiled again, but focused on me when she answered.

"No, I'd known this day would come. At first, I believed that I could actually manage my mission, but, my emotions squandered that possibility. If I hadn't... But, alas..."

A crash erupted in the background. "KILLER BEE HAS SUFFERED INJURIES. ALL HANDS TO THE MAIN GATE. REPEAT. ALL HANDS TO THE MAIN GATE."

Yugito frowned and looked back behind her as I asked, "So, wait, you knew this entire time? Why didn't you kill me?"

When she caught my gaze again, she shook her head. "I speculated. I knew nothing for certain, and even so, I wasn't aware of which village you might have come from exactly. Never once did you use your normal style except for that one time that had us acquaint from the start."

"How did you even become suspicious in the first place?" asked Anko. "What set you off?"

"Honestly?" Yugito asked. "Your spy Kenichi's death was the real start of it all. I researched him as much as I could after his death. He had been outed as a longtime spy within Kumo sometime before Shinrai appeared within the village and began garnering attention. A man of his ability wouldn't be found unless he wanted to be found, and yet I received specific information regarding his whereabouts, schedule, intentions, his connection to Shinrai, but nothing related to what village he served. I found no mention of his relation to Konoha whatsoever when I searched through his base, and I knew just barely he had something to do with Shinrai."

Anko tilted her head down slightly. "Why didn't you simply kill her?"

"The Raikage thought we might be able to convert her into a usable resource for Kumogakure instead, although you can see how that turned out. You should be proud, ANBU-san. She loves you very much."

Anko didn't comment on that. "I see. So you took her under your wing to see if you could change her manner of thinking. I am surprised you continued for as long as you did. I would've thought the Raikage would've said it wasn't worth the time and effort."

At this, Yugito hesitated slightly. "...He did, actually. I chose to forego his command to eliminate her and took her with me for the mission in Kiri. Had I known what we would have faced there... No, I still would've taken her, regardless. Leaving her here would've resulted in a death I couldn't have prevented in any way."

"You went against the Raikage for Hotaru?" Anko asked, sounding almost aghast. "I can't believe... Aren't you one of his best soldiers?"

Yugito frowned at that point. "Treat someone with kindness and they will return a thousand times over. Treat them with scorn and distrust, and they will bite the hand that fed them within a heartbeat. I, though I had never planned for it, came to sincerely, and dearly, love Shinrai. When she was harmed, I grew fraught with worry. When she smiled, I felt as if my heart came aglow. I feel like, instead of my teaching her to live, she was teaching me to _understand_ things I had never grasped. Would never have grasped otherwise."

Tears sparked in my eyes yet again, and I asked for my sister to let me down. She did, albeit grudgingly and with much hesitation. I teeter-tottered a bit, though Anko was quick to support me.

"Yugito!" I cried out. "Is that why you were kept so busy? Because you didn't kill me?"

She smiled at me. "I have no regrets whatsoever. It pains me dearly to see that I couldn't convince you to stay, but I will not begrudge you of your family."

"You're family, too!" I told her, making her flinch back somewhat. "Come with us!"

Yugito seemed to be speechless, especially so when Anko said, "Much as I despise it, you raised Hotaru in my absence. If you choose to come quietly, I will petition for your asylum."

The blonde seemed to be at odds for a few moments, nearly taking a step forward before we heard,

"ALERT. ALERT. PROTECT THE RAIKAGE AT ALL COSTS. REPEAT. PROTECT THE RAIKAGE AT ALL COSTS."

At that announcement, Yugito instead took a step back, her eyes more shadowed than I'd ever seen them.

"This village is my home," she said, her voice steady though dispassionate. "No matter my position, I cannot just leave it to fall without doing my utmost. I... If only there was another way. As there is not, though..."

I slowly made my way over to Yugito, glaring at her fiercely.

"Then listen to what I have to say, before you go."

"Yes, of –" she started to say before I interrupted her.

"You are good," I told her. "You are wonderful. You are amazing. You are human. You are compassionate, giving, loving, splendid. The lessons I learnt from you are things I will never forget. The words you have told me out of concern and love are words I will hold dear to me forever."

I saw her eyes begin to grow misty and I rubbed my sleeve against my own.

"Y-Yugito," I stuttered, my speech failing me as I grew emotional. I looked back at Anko once but she just gave me a firm nod, forcing my attention back to the blonde. "Yugito. Thank you for your love and support. Thank you for being there. Thank you for worrying about me. Thank you for protecting me. When I said that you're human, I _meant_ it. You are _nothing_ like that beast in you. You are my friend, one of the best!"

"Shinrai..." she whispered, sounding heartbroken. "Please, stop..."

I closed my mouth at her request, but instead walked forward into her personal space and wrapped my good arm around her as I tucked my head against her stomach. I felt her tense from the sudden contact.

"I love you, Yugito," I whispered, feeling the tears fall down my face. "Please, don't die out there."

I let my arm drop from around her and was about to step back when she fell to her knees in front of me, her arms wrapping around my shoulders lightly as she pulled me in for a hug, herself. I could feel her body trembling, but she refused to cry. Not here, not in front of a potential enemy.

She let go soon enough, her hand reaching into the back of her belt and pulling out a scroll. She handed it to me.

"Don't lose sight of yourself, Shinrai, no... Hotaru," Yugito cautioned me. "Do not forget where you come from and where you are going. Don't forget the people you've met along the way."

Her lip quivered slightly and she bit it before continuing. Taking in deep breath, she pushed the scroll in to my hand.

"I'm sorry I didn't have more time, but these are all of the chakra control exercises I could find... Please, if you want to practice, make sure someone is there. Please. Promise me."

"Yugito..."

" _Promise me_."

I nodded to show her that I promised, not trusting my voice at that moment. She nodded back and stood up, looking over at Anko with some hesitance.

"Please keep her safe."

Anko regarded her in the most serious manner she could muster.

"I will. I will take that promise to my grave."

With that, Yugito stood up. She gave me a long, searching glance before smiling sadly again and turning away from the two of us. She walked away a few steps and then disappeared in a shunshin. My chest hurt as I fell to my knees, tears running down my face even harder than before. I heard Anko's footsteps approach. She tilted my chin up as I continued to cry.

"Don't let her down, all right?" she told me gently.

"I won't," I sobbed, trying to hug my sister with one arm, the scroll tight in my hand.

Anko let me sit there for a little bit before scooping me in her arms. We turned once again for the direction heading away from Kumogakure, Anko's cadence never changing even slightly. My exhaustion hit me hard as I laid in my big sister's arms, and admittedly, I fell asleep until she juggled me awake as softly as she could without aggravating my injuries.

I awoke to see us within a tent, and once seeing I was awake, Anko set me down on the ground, keeping a hand on my shoulder to steady me. My bleary eyes blinked a few times as I looked at the different men in the tent, each one looking back at me with mixed expressions.

Nara Shikaku came forward, his face devoid of emotion.

"Genin Mitarashi Hotaru. Have you fulfilled your mission parameters?"

Anko's hand on my shoulder tightened, but never to the point that she would hurt me. I stared up at the tall man who I now loathed with a passion.

"Yes, sir," I muttered. I didn't know how to do this kind of stuff – no one had trained me how to, after all.

"The stabilizer key, please."

I let out a sigh, slipping the Kumo forehead protector off of my head and peeling back the fabric until I reached the key and gave the slip of paper to the man. Shikaku looked less than impressed with where I'd hidden it, but considering they'd attacked a full _two days_ before I was warned they would, I couldn't exactly pick a better place, now could I?

The Nara turned to another person, spit out a few commands and then turned back to me.

"Congratulations on fulfilling your mission. You are to return to Konoha for further instructions. Regardless of whether you receive any, you are to not involve yourself any further in this battle than you already have."

"How many are you going to kill before you've had enough?" I bit out, forcing the Nara to frown.

"As many as is required for them to surrender unconditionally."

He took his attention off of me and focused on my sister. "Take her back to Konoha, but you are to see the Hokage for further orders."

"Of course, Jounin Commander," Anko said through her teeth.

When I felt the tension in the air, I looked between the two of them. Whatever had gone on between them, I knew that _words_ had been exchanged, and definitely not good ones. They were actually pretty terrifying at the moment.

Anko bowed her head and then directed me out of the tent. As soon as we were far enough away and walking in between all of the people, she came around and bent to a knee in front of me.

"Let's go home, Hotaru," she said, the joy obvious in her voice.

I mustered a smile, still wishing I hadn't had to choose one woman for the other.

"Okay. Let's go home."

Anko picked me up again, her chakra spiking as she prepared herself for a shunshin. As we blitzed out of view.

Most people had one home to call their own, but me? I had two.

 _Good-bye Yugito, and thank you_.

* * *

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. Enjoy.


	27. Chapter 27

Wow, what? Freakin' 40+ reviews for that last heart-wrenching chapter. Geez, thanks guys. I'm so glad that all of you enjoy this story so much. I'll reach DoS's popularity someday yet!

On to the guest reviews, which are answered in the order received:

Anonymoose: lol I don't give a fuck about the "major" players. Everyone else always writes about them, but this is about my SI, damn it. Naruto can shove his orange ass away from me. At least, for now, while he's still like, four, and while no one gives a fuck about him. Anyway. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

omgomg: Hey, I'm so glad you liked it! Go make an account! Go!

Jenn: Eh, it's only welcoming for now. Ooooo, foreshadowing.

Fluffy pigeon: I love your name, btw, although I only ever want to kick pigeons. Anyway. Um, while it's so awkward to say that I'm glad you cried, I have to say that I am. That my words could move you so makes my day. Truly.

Pineapple King: THEY WILL NEVER STOP.

Guest: Ain't she awesome? Yeeeeeeeeep.

TheWick: Eh, I write when I have time. You know, I actually wanted to get some FO4 in, but NO. I just HAD to write this. Smfh.

Rehtnapome: Meh. She's not an emotional person, for the most part. In my mind, at least. Headcanon, ftw.

ShugoYuuki123: Choosing sides is never fun, unless you can pick a color, like Red, Blue, or Green!

Guest: Inorite? :)

Guest: Every day miiiight be a bit much. I ain't that kind of writing monster, and I do have work to do, unfortunately. Regardless, glad you enjoy the story! Thank you!

* * *

It was the stillness, I think, that made my eyes open slowly today. There was something rather unnatural about it, and while I'd grown used to the absolute quiet of living together with Yugito, it was a comfortable silence that somehow, oddly made me feel safe. Living with Yugito had been like living in the eye of a tornado. The inside was more or less comfortable, but one step outside of that zone was death waiting to happen. Literally, apparently, in my case. On the other end of the spectrum, living with Anko had been a quiet experience as well. Oh sure, we'd made it loud enough with our constant arguments, play fights, food fights, our singing, and whatever else, but, usually, it was fairly quiet. We grew close enough where words didn't _need_ to be said. We understood just from body language and eye contact. It was a comfortable silence.

This, though... This was just _wrong_. Everything about it raised my hackles, unnerving me to the depths of my soul. There was an emptiness present that I couldn't deny to even myself, something that said I shouldn't be here, regardless of the fact that I actually was. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to be in this situation.

When I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was a stone ceiling, each block looking as if it was ready to press down on me with great force. It was a foreboding thought, and I pushed myself up fully, wincing as I felt my bones complain. They had been patched, though, so I must have been out for some time. What was with me and getting injured all of the damn time?

I lifted a hand to wipe my face, but stopped when I noticed black ink running all along my arm. I felt dread pool up in the pit of my stomach as I pulled back the sleeve of my hospital gown and saw the marking retreat back to my shoulder and then some. I glanced at my other arm, suddenly starting to feel cold when I saw the exact same markings. Discovery of these all along my body only made me take in a harsh breath as I wondered what they were for. I was starting to feel so cold that I didn't know what to do, so I attempted to warm myself up via chakra, but...of course, there was none to be found.

I slapped a hand against my chest, trying and failing miserably to find even the smallest hint of my source of strength, but I only came up empty. My hands were trembling by this point and I looked up around me for some kind of clue or key to understanding what was happening. I was greeted, instead, by a room of reinforced steel, stripped of any kind of welcome warmth. The only items in the room were a couple of metal chairs, my hospital bed, my IV drip, an EKG, an unused EEG, countless other instruments, and...a near ten centimeter thick metal door that barred me from the outside.

I stared at it with absolute horror. Why was I here? What had I done?

 _What had I done wrong?_

I tried to get out of the bed, but the IV drip firmly attached to my right arm made that difficult. In my irritation, I ripped out the needle, and pulled off every other damn sensor attached to me, showing that I was still alive and in working order. The machine went haywire, making all of these beeps when all I wanted was for it to _shut the hell up_. I jumped out of bed, landing on my feet but falling down quickly both from not having used my muscles for a while and from the lack of chakra. Not having chakra after utilizing it for so long... I just...

I felt _naked_. I know that in my last life, I'd never relied on such a force, but here, it was part of everything I was. Because of these ridiculous seals drawn all over my body though, I was locked out of the one comfort that would've existed in this room.

I dragged myself to the door, pushing myself against the painfully cold steel as I banged on the door for someone, _anyone_ , to come. I couldn't stay calm. Was I supposed to be calm? How could I be calm like this? Where was my sister? Why was I here?

 _WHAT HAD I DONE WRONG?_

I looked around me and up, freezing the moment I saw a camera wired in the far corner. The cold extended from outside of my body up towards my mind as I stared at the device, feeling surprisingly detached from the world. I turned around to look at another corner, seeing yet another device. My heart rate slowed back to normal as I stared numbly, now knowing that this wasn't some major mistake and that I would not be leaving of my own volition. I was a prisoner, but I couldn't even guess as to why. Had something happened as Anko carried me back to the village? Was I even in Konoha? What if I was back in Kumo again, under lock and key until they figured out some way to deal with me? My eyes turned to the wall next to the door, and I felt the gears in my mind start to turn again.

I was being watched, both by the cameras and probably through a one-way window. The thought brought me no consolation. My only concern at this point was what they were watching _for_. Were they expecting a freak out of some kind, something to demonstrate insanity? Did they figure me to be a traitor, here to do Kumo's dirty work?

Turning back to the door, I looked it, feeling absolutely nothing. They were playing the waiting game, and all I had left to me was time, though that was not to be confused with patience. I heard a beep echo throughout the room, and frowned as my gaze went towards the intercom.

"Step away from the door, Mitarashi Hotaru."

My true name being said still didn't tell me what village I was in. After all, Yugito knew who I was by now, and even if she hadn't wanted to say anything, they could've gotten it out of her via other means. It would have ticked her off, but there it was.

"I repeat, step away from the door."

My eyes narrowed but I obliged them, turning my back on the door and heading back towards my bed. I was crawling into it just as I heard the siren of a clearance warning as something slid back. There was a pause and then the same thing slid again, only moments before the thick metal door opened up to two people I hadn't seen for quite some time, as well as another man and woman who I had never seen before.

Yamanaka Inoichi and Morino Ibiki looked at me grimly, their eyes shadowed as they approached my bedside. I only watched them warily, making sure to keep an eye on the unknown man and woman who circled around to the other side of the bed. Inoichi came closest to me, his hands holding a clipboard with a number of documents clipped onto it. He offered me no smiles nor shows of warmth. This was all business for him at the moment. He lifted his clipboard and took his eyes off of me.

"Name and registration number," he demanded softly.

"Wait, why am I locked up?" I asked, hoping at least that curiosity would be sated.

It wasn't. He focused back at me, and there was none of the playfulness or familiarity in his eyes that I'd grown accustomed to before leaving for my mission.

"Name and registration number."

I hesitated, but slumped down and stared at my lap. "Mitarashi Hotaru. Registration Number 011769."

"Thank you," he responded, his voice emotionless. "Age and rank."

At this, I couldn't say I was certain. What month was it? How long had I been here? I blinked a few times, my eyes narrowing as I tried to figure out exactly how old I was. I just wasn't sure.

"Age...is either seven or eight," I finally muttered. "Rank: Genin."

"It's eight now," Inoichi told me softly. "As of yesterday."

Oh. What a wonderful birthday present. Being locked up had to be the best thing ever.

Looking back at his clipboard, he continued with, "In light of your recent mission, we have been drafted to be your interrogators, and compare your testimony of the past year alongside of the reports that we have received from other sources. Morino Ibiki will take care of the official interrogation, and I am here for emotional and psychological support. The two people on your right are your medical attendants and will see to your physical health concerns. You may have also noticed an inability to wield chakra – this is both for your safety as well as ours. Because we cannot judge whether you are mentally sound enough to use your chakra correctly, and because it can impair treatment at times, we have received orders to have it sealed until further notice. Once the interrogation is finished and the council has reached a consensus, you will then be informed of what will occur thereafter."

I stared at him, my despondency fading as my heart beat picked up. "Wait, why am locked up in the first place? What did I do wrong?"

Inoichi took a step back, ignoring my question as Ibiki came forward. "You must realize this is only a matter of procedure," the large man said immediately. "Inoichi has already walked through your mind to see your memories, but the council is... _concerned_ , for lack of a better word, over your closeness with the Kumo Jinchuuriki. Some are skeptical of your loyalty to Konoha and its citizens because of how well you meshed into society within Kumo."

"How well I –?" I sputtered. "What are you _talking_ about? The Raikage wanted me killed! I wasn't there because I _wanted_ to be, I was there because I was told it was my mission and that I _had_ to be! Why is it my fault for doing my duty?"

Ibiki only glared at me coldly. "I am the one asking the questions here. First question: why did you choose to ally yourself with the Jinchuuriki? Your orders were to operate under a low profile, carefully implanting explosions in places across the village without raising suspicion while living under the guise of an academy student. What made you choose to ignore that and put yourself together with such a character?"

"Wh-what?" I stammered, taken aback. "I didn't _choose_ to ally myself with her. I was put into a position where it was to either do so, or abandon my mission entirely. She, the Raikage actually, never gave me much of a choice. If I didn't go with her, I would've either been forced to or killed on sight."

"You could have left at any available moment and resurfaced at a later time," Ibiki countered. "It would be one thing if you had intentionally chosen to get close to the Jinchuuriki to either persuade it to ally with Konoha, or discovered its weak points to make for an easier kill."

I couldn't help but stare. I could have _never_ killed Yugito, but that didn't mean I was no longer loyal to my home village.

"I... I didn't even consider the option. I just thought that I would have to try to be as secretive as possible with my plans from then on..."

"A likely answer."

"It's true!" I exclaimed, feeling myself start to panic. "I haven't done anything wrong!"

He harrumphed slightly, his arms crossing over his chest. "Of course you haven't. That's why you're here, isn't it?"

My gaze flew to look over at Inoichi, but he offered me nothing that would pacify me. I briefly glanced at the two medics, but they were just as cold. Not finding any allies to come to my aid, I shook my head.

"I haven't done anything wrong," I muttered, my hands starting to shake.

I heard Inoichi say, "She won't last much longer. She's confused and starting to panic. You'll need to shorten your questioning and make this quick."

"I only have a few more questions anyway," Ibiki said in return.

My hands just. Wouldn't. Stop. _Shaking_. I hadn't done anything wrong!

I shook my head again. "I haven't done anything wrong," I kept repeating. Why was this happening?

Ibiki cleared his throat, and I had to _force_ myself to look upwards again.

"Regardless of your actions, you hold a great treasure trove of information that could be very valuable in use against that Jinchuuriki. That is information that could be used to further our hand in this battle, though it is one we are certain to win anyway. I want to know every little thing you've learned about it, from likes and dislikes to any weaknesses and overall strengths. If we can take the monster down without risking too many of our people, then Konoha may gain a new valuable resource. That, or we can kill it and simply take the beast within."

That last bit sent a spear through my heart and my eyes widened. I was on my feet before I knew it, desperate to reach Ibiki even as Inoichi and the two medics pulled me back down on the bed.

"Don't kill her!" I shouted, knowing this wasn't helping my case any. "She saved me! She took care of me! She's suffering just like _anyone_ else!"

I continued to struggle, and the female medic nin grunted.

"She needs to be put under. She's starting to get out of control."

Inoichi muttered, "She's panicking too much now, Ibiki. Finish it."

"Please don't kill her," I felt myself whine, tears starting to come to my eyes again, unbidden. "She hasn't done anything wrong."

"The Jinchuuriki is the enemy," Ibiki stonewalled me. "Who are you loyal to, Konoha or Kumo?"

Why... Why was I even being asked that? I'd done my mission. I'd planted those bombs. I'd killed people. I'd killed _children_. I was a _genin_. A _GENIN_. I'd done everything I could, I'd operated in the best manner I thought I could, without support, without guidance, without a soul to call a friend in the world, so _why_ was I being persecuted? I'd done my mission for Konoha! I'd suffered for Konoha! I'd nearly died for _Konoha_. Why did they have to ask me that? _WHY?_

I felt the tear sliding down my face as I gritted my teeth. "...Konoha."

"Are you really?" Ibiki asked me. "Because what you're saying tells a different story."

I didn't deserve this. I knew I didn't. I didn't want to deal with this alone. Why did I have to?

"Where's my sister?" I asked softly and miserably. "I want to see Anko."

"Anko is currently unavailable," Ibiki said to me. "Stop evading my command. I want information about the Jinchuuriki, whatever knowledge you have. If you find yourself incapable of saying as much, we can have Inoichi extract the information from your mind instead, though I would've felt you'd preferred having the honor of saying everything yourself."

"I want Anko," was the only thing I said in reply, trying to lift a hand to hide my face as the tears fell down, but finding it held down with a vice grip. "Please let me see Anko."

"Give me the information then, if you want to see her."

"Just let me see her, and I'll tell you everything I can," I pleaded. "I just want to see her! It's been so long since we could actually talk. Just, please!"

Ibiki only glared further. "You are in no position to be negotiating for anything. Give me the information, now."

"N-no," I cried out. "I just want to see Anko!"

Inoichi held me down tightly, and I just barely felt the pinprick of a needle slipping into my vein, and I hurriedly turned to stare at the female medic who was now adjusting buttons on the machine. I could feel my body start to relax on its own and that made me panic more. I turned to Inoichi, who was now a couple of steps away, my hand reaching out weakly.

"Please," I murmured, my voice growing weaker. "Anko... Just, please..."

Ibiki continued staring down at me. "You'll see your sister when you're ready to give up that information."

Then, he turned away from me, walking towards the solid metal door. The two medics, after checking my condition as I felt myself quickly fading away, walked around my bed towards the door as well. The edges of my vision were blurring as I just barely saw Inoichi give me one last glance. The last thing I heard was him saying,

"I hate this..."

* * *

They made good on their promise to not allow me to see my sister. The two came back in with the two medics the day after, continuing along another line of questioning, but I only stared up at the ceiling, my mind blanking as I realized that I wasn't getting out of this. I was _tired_ of being alone. All I had to do was talk to them about Yugito, but I just...couldn't. I couldn't betray her, but I couldn't betray my village either. For all my hatred of it, it was really the only place I had left. Kumo had never been my home, and the only person I even remotely cared about there was someone who was looked at both with hatred and fear. Oh sure, she had her followers, but no one really _knew_ her. She was my only tie to Kumo. I had nothing else there.

How could they even think I would betray Konoha like that? How could they think I would go through all that I've gone through and somehow think me to be disloyal? You don't deal with a mission like that and just say "fuck it" at the finish line. What would've been the point? Why was this happening?

They tried again and again to question me, but I just couldn't say anything. I would've preferred that they'd just killed me instead, but they wouldn't allow me that luxury either. I was in a limbo of sorts, with no way up and every way down. Fifteen months ago, I had been happily living my life, but then... I just wanted to run away from my problems, but I couldn't do that either, could I? There was nowhere to run anyway.

I stared at the ceiling before looking pointedly at the door. They hadn't come in for the daily routine yet, and I wondered what the holdup was. I raised up an arm and looked at it balefully, filled with hatred at the stupid markings keeping me from at least feeling alive on the inside. I had nothing. I felt like absolutely nothing.

 _Why was this happening to me?_

I heard the warning siren of the gate clearing and closed my eyes, thinking it was about time. Let them come, ask their stupid, ridiculous questions, and then leave me the hell alone. Things would be so much simpler if they just killed me, but they wouldn't, for whatever reason. They wouldn't kill me, but they wouldn't let me out either. If they were trying to impress upon me how utterly useless and helpless I was right now, they'd done a damned good job thus far. Congratulations.

When the door opened, I closed my eyes, mustering any strength I had within before turning to look at my visitors, only to see the caramel-brown eyes of my sister as she walked through. My mind froze as I stared at her, and I hardly even noticed the other four people walk in behind her.

"This is going to get us in trouble," I heard Ibiki mutter to Inoichi, who steadfastly ignored him.

Anko hesitated, and I saw a number of emotions war against one another in her eyes before she pushed herself forward towards me. I couldn't move as she sat on the bed and wrapped her arms tightly around my body. My lips quivered as I felt her warmth cover me like a security blanket and my arms moved on their own to wrap around her body as well. I felt the trembling of her form as she tried to hug me even more tightly, as if desiring to never, _ever_ let me go ever again, and I honestly didn't want her to, _ever_.

After some time, Anko finally pulled back, and I could see that she looked wrecked. Her complexion was pale, her eyes shadowed, and the bags under them somewhat deep. She also looked as if she'd lost weight, and she looked absolutely exhausted. I _hated_ seeing her look like that, and I hated being the cause of it, because I knew I was, in some way.

She might have pulled away, but I only lessened the distance again, pushing my head against her stomach as clutched at her like a lifeline. Anko didn't stop me, only setting a hand on the back of my head as my body trembled and shook, all my fears and anxieties from the past year and more coming to the forefront the moment I was in her arms again, outside of the enemy territory. I'd missed her. Oh God, I'd missed her, and I hadn't even realized how much. Anko was warm, soft, and comforting, and right now, she was the only piece of warmth within the entire room.

I felt Ibiki approach again, but refused to pay him any attention. I'd done nothing wrong! _Nothing_!

Anko nudged me gently, never forcing, but I burrowed in deeper against her.

"Hotaru," she whispered, and I bit my lip. I'd missed her voice so much.

Against my greater desire, I lifted my head up away from her and, while sticking as close to her as humanly possible, turned my attention to the large man in front of me.

He seemed resigned, somewhat. "Will you give us the information now?"

Turning to look up at Anko, I saw her meet my gaze with both weariness and wariness. She didn't know what to tell me, which meant the decision was left entirely up to me. The thought of betraying Yugito in this fashion left a bitter taste in my mouth, and the worst thing about it was that if she were here together with all of us, she would _expect_ me to tell these people what they wanted to know. Not only would she expect it, she would be disappointed in me that I would place her well-being higher than mine and potentially make things difficult to continue living.

"I..." I started, before a wave of shame passed over me.

Had I always been so weak, so susceptible to blackmail and the like? She treated me so well, and yet, this was how I would repay her kindness? This was how I repay everything she'd done for me?

I wanted to throw up.

My sister just looked at me, her expression masked, but not judging in the slightest. No matter what I chose to do, she would not treat me any different. She would continue supporting me until the end.

I reached for her hand, and she wrapped it around my small hand, gripping it firmly and telling me that I wasn't alone. No, never alone.

When I next opened my mouth, I felt the words start to pour out, describing everything I knew about Yugito, but keeping the special moments we'd share to myself. I'd tell them every superficial thing about her, but those moments were _mine_. They would _not_ get them – they would _not_ take those moments away from me. They would not hear from me how I'd said I loved her. How we'd supported one another. How we'd survived together. What we'd really experienced. Those special times were mine. They were all I had left.

I felt dirty, ashamed, as if I had violated the worst code of honor possible.

Yugito was the enemy? Nothing was ever so black and white. I didn't have the power, nor the strength, to rebel though. I had nothing. I had no one, save for Anko, now.

I wanted to shower, to scrub away all the grime I felt had accumulated just from letting go of my morals. I wanted to jump into a vat of alcohol to soak away all the wrong. I wanted to dance in a pit of fire, to burn away impurities. I wanted to die.

Yugito would want me to live, though. She'd want me to survive, to keep moving forward.

I didn't want to.

I ducked my head back against Anko, almost wishing that I could erase the past near year and a half. Anko continued stroking my hair, a familiar gesture that would normally calm me, but now, all I could think was that I didn't deserve to be calmed. What kind of person was I to put my own life before someone else's? My life was the _last_ thing I cared about, and yet...

Inoichi stopped scritching out all of his quotes before looking over at Ibiki and nodding. Ibiki nodded back and looked down at me.

"Thank you," the man said. "We will inform the council of your cooperation. I expect that you will be allowed to leave within the week, or much as the next two. Anko will be allowed to visit you once a day until your captivity is finished, and only for a limited amount of time. Now, come, Anko."

I felt her tense, obviously wanting nothing more than telling the others to shove it but knowing that would get her absolutely nowhere, and might even revoke her privileges to see me. With much reluctance, Anko pulled me off of her, standing up and backing away from me. I felt my eyes grow heavy and turned back to glare at the two medical attendants standing at my bedside. They'd drugged me again.

Turning back quickly to catch Anko's eye one last time, I saw her give me a pain-filled glance before the metal door closed and I saw nothing more of her. It was then that I finally fell under, thanks to the drugs.

 _I've done nothing wrong..._

* * *

Yeah huh. YEAH HUH. HEY. HEY, SOMEONE. Make me some damned fanart.


	28. Chapter 28

I'm...not used to these 40+ reviews per chapter. I keep thinking I'm going to screw up and everyone's gonna leave my story...

In other news, HAHAHAHAHAHA. I have it! The first ever fanart, by ItsTrueIStalkYou. Omgomgomgomgomgomgomg. It's reeeeeeeeeally good, too. Check it out here (take out the spaces and replace the 0) http: (slashslash) paranoidgoldfish . tumblr.c0m/post/134040556021/i-tried-this-this-mitarashi-hotaru-from-the

Anyway. On to the reviews (gaiz, get accounts yo):

Jenn: Hotaru? Get a break? Oh no, dear, ain't nobody got time for that.

FanaticFanGirl: Hotaru's fairly careful. She still doesn't know what to use that favor for. Actually, she probably forgot all about it...

TheWick: Pfft, she's hated Konoha from the start. All villages suck.

Guest: ...Hmm. Right. I know these are suggestions, but they're very, how should I say, _forceful_. Telling me how I should have my story proceed does not particularly make me happy nor willing to acquiesce in any way whatsoever. Also, in respect to Genno, or whoever - this story is following the manga. Stuff that happened only in the anime, or that were not related to in the manga in any way, will not be covered here at all. Of course, there will be made up missions and whatever, but anything anime-related will not be in this story. I did not like the anime and have no intention to bring it into the fold. Sorry. In any case, this is not going to lead to a fourth war. No one's ready for that nonsense - not even Akatsuki.

There's a saying in Japan: the nail that sticks out gets hammered down. That's why Naruto's such a fuckin' pest man. He just sticks out, EVERYWHERE. No, sorry, sticking out and protesting won't get Hotaru anywhere but dead.

Song Bird: Not sure what to say to this one. Seems like you have an agenda against Konoha, which is cool. Cuz, who doesn't, at this point? I'm not sure how they supposedly have so many cards - they just seem to because they're the only village we ever heard about in detail.

ShugoYuuki123: He's hiding behind his chair. :)

Guest: YugitoxAnko, huh? That'd be pretty hot, actually.

* * *

"My days count down, yet here I still stand. I can think of nothing I would want more than the one I love in that fateful land. To which do I speak, to who do I speak of, I can no more say than the giant fire above, that sun I have always loved."

After being tricked into revealing information about my mentor, I fell into a deep depression that I just couldn't seem to shake, and, in a way, didn't _want_ to shake. I wasn't sure if I was the one to blame for breaking down so easily and yielding to their demands, or if the other people were at fault for essentially giving me no place to turn. By interrogating me, they had basically strapped me down and told me that either I tell them information and make myself of some use, possibly securing my freedom and future, or blockading them at every turn, only to have a Yamanaka swoop right into my head, get the info anyway, and leave me seeming disloyal and uncooperative. Another way they could swing it though, was that by giving the information, that made me seem disloyal to someone who meant so much to me, and what was stopping me from bowing down and telling another about my village's secrets? Then again, had I _not_ said anything, they might have seen that as a stupid decision on my part, and it very well might have been, but that would prove that my mouth would not open and spill undesirables anytime soon, no matter the confrontation or circumstance.

In other words, I had been screwed from the very get-go, and now I had nothing to show for it. I was imprisoned, sealed, and left to await a fate for a reason I couldn't really comprehend. Why had I been put into that situation if they were just intending to get rid of me anyway? Why allow me to come back at all? What was the point?

Being stuck without any kind of outlet or way of venting frustration, I retreated inward as a way to escape from the horrible reality. I passed time by staring at the wall opposite the end of my bed. I just...stared at it, my mind blanking as I tried to push away everything that had suddenly become a negative influence, or an enemy to my state of mind.

I think that Inoichi came in to check on me every now and then. I wasn't sure. Some medic probably came in to change my fluids and whatnot, but, I only somewhat knew this because I would look up and there would be new bedding, or a different colored tape strapping the IV down. I'm not sure how often this happened – it was rare that I believed there to be a need for me to pay attention to my surroundings. I was in a metal box with no chance of escape. There was no longer a point for me to care about what happened around me anymore.

At some point, I think my sister stopped coming, though I'm not sure if that was because I was so despondent, or because she had been sit back to the front lines. Some part of me hated knowing she was out there fighting with her life on the line, but I really didn't want to consider it. I wouldn't consider it. There was no point to thinking about anything else. At least the wall never let me down.

How long had I been here? Did I even eat anymore? When was the last time I did? What was the last thing I ate? Maybe I had a tube running directly to my stomach? Should I look?

No, what was the point? Even if I did someday get out of here, I would only be looked at as a flight risk, someone that needed to be watched over constantly without rest. Maybe if I just ended it all right here, that would make everything easier.

It was the first thought that had actually struck me as being of interest, and my gaze slowly turned to the machine beeping next to me. If I had chakra, I could rip it apart and use some of the shrapnel to pierce my skin and make a few dents, but then again, had I had chakra, I wouldn't be worrying about this in the first place. My eyes roamed down to my arm. I could stab myself with the needle instead, but unless I could accurately hit an artery, I would just be riddling my body with holes and the medics would cure me anyway. I felt my gaze turn back to the wall. Even trying to escape via suicide was pointless.

And yet, that was laughable, wasn't it? All these times that I'd nearly died, I'd never really once considered that I might, in fact, _actually_ die. As in, the idea never came to light. Had I misstepped even the slightest, my death would have been assured. Had I not been so lucky, I would be six feet under right now. Had I not had people at my back, saving my neck, it would have been game over. So, now, when I was actually considering offing myself, _that's_ when no one's around to help me out? That's when I have nothing going for me whatsoever? How fucked up is my life for that to actually be a thing?

Some people are just too stupid to die, and I was pretty stupid. Had I not been so stupid, maybe I could've foreseen this. Maybe I would've known that they were after information about Yugito, and maybe I could've played a different card, tried a different way to secure her safety while watching out for my own. Maybe if I'd...

My hands suddenly gripped the sheets tightly, a shudder passing through my body as I felt tears burn at my eyes.

No. _No_. I would not, _could_ not, think about this. No, I wanted that safety net of nothingness, where nothing affected me and I noticed absolutely nothing around me. I wanted to be in a zone where nothing could hurt me, where I could hide away from my actions, from my mistakes. The worst part was though, that I was unsure whether they were truly mistakes or not. I still wasn't sure what I'd done wrong. What had I –

No, bad lucidity! Bad! Go away! It's not time to return to reality yet.

But, if I had tried...

No! I did try!

But, if I had been smarter...

How could I have known this would happen?

If I'd just _known_...

How could I have?

I raised my fist to my mouth, biting down as hard as I could, taking pleasure in the pain that came, stopping my tears and calming my trembling body. I released my fist, looking down at it as if it weren't actually attached to me whatsoever. I'd bitten hard enough to tear the skin, leaving rivulets of blood streaming down my hand. I let my hand fall back down to my lap as I gazed blankly at the wall in front of me.

If I'd been stronger, if I'd had more power, if I'd been better, wiser, smarter, then I could have done something. I tilted my head, cracking my neck irritably. Because I had none of the above, I'd landed in my current situation. If only I could have another chance to get the power I so desperately needed. I just wanted to get rid of _one_ person – only one! – but the way I was now would make the task impossible. I gritted my teeth.

The struggle was real.

I felt myself jolt the moment I heard the warning beep indicating that the outer door was opening. My heart thumped hard in my chest, and I felt like I'd almost forgotten how it felt to feel, well, much of anything. I didn't have much reason for feeling these past however many days. I shook the adrenaline away, forcing myself to calm down as I curiously looked over at the door. It hadn't opened yet, which was odd. Ibiki and Inoichi were never the type to pull this kind of trick, but it might have been something new.

The door slammed open and it shocked me enough to fall out of the bed to the side, rolling back only to get tangled in the wires all over me. I struggled to get out of my precarious position, but realized I was only making it all worse. I froze when I heard footsteps walk over to where I was and my eyes locked onto a pair of burning dark-brown ones. I saw the person's mouth twist into a deep scowl.

"What are you waiting for? Get those wires off of her!"

I stared with disbelief at the old man in front of me who looked more like a raging rhino than the soft-spoken, wizened man that treated me so kindly years back. In fact, I couldn't believe the two were the same exact people. It was jarring.

Two medical ninja flashed to my side, each one gently, but quickly, taking off each wire and untangling me. One of them hooked his hands beneath my arms and pulled me to my feet.

"Erase the seals," the Hokage demanded. "Check her condition. How is she?"

"Malnourished," one medic-nin declared, tilting my chin up as she stared me straight in the eyes. "She's also suffered mental trauma and stress, most likely due to the interrogation dealt against her."

"Seals have been erased, sir!" the other medic stated. "Releasing tenketsu restraints!"

The veins around the medic's eyes bulged dramatically, and with a speed I couldn't follow, his fingers sped forward, striking all along my body. I winced as I felt like a fire had starting burning at each point he touched. He turned me around, hitting more points, picking up my feet and hands for an extra few. By the end, I felt as I was standing in a furnace, and I sighed as the warmth overtook my body. It was so noticeable that I couldn't prepare myself for the transition, my knees buckling as I almost slid to the floor. The man, a Hyuuga I suppose, righted me, making sure I was strong enough to stand on my own before letting me go again.

The Hokage looked down at me, and although I could see his anger, I knew it was in no way directed towards me.

"How do you feel now, Hotaru-kun?"

Like shit. "Tired, sir."

"That is to be expected," he replied with a nod. "Do not worry. I will be dealing with the person who put you in here."

I nodded wearily. God, receiving my chakra back was awesome, but it utterly exhausted me. I had grown so used to not having it, that getting it back was like a sugar rush and being high on caffeine, and maybe a few drugs, too, with the crash happening like, two seconds later.

The moment I dipped again, the Hyuuga guy scooped me up in his arms and I just kind of stared at the ceiling, feeling really retarded and dumb, and high. Something cold touched my forehead.

"She has a slight fever," I heard the woman say, "but nothing a little rest shouldn't fix."

"Good," came a disembodied voice. Oh, God, I was high. I was _hi-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-igh_. "Where's her sister?"

There was an awkward silence and I lolled my head up, took a look at the Hokage who seemed even _angrier_ now than before, and then let my head fall again. I'd be embarrassed about this later. I was sure of it.

"...She was assigned a mission, sir. She's due to leave soon..."

"A mission? By whose authorization?" came the now icy disembodied voice.

"...Danzo-sama's, sir."

"Belay that order. In fact, I want every mission I have not _personally_ assigned each person canceled, period. No one goes anywhere or does anything without running it by me first. I do not care what any member of the council says, my, word, is, _law_. Notify Mitarashi Anko to be in my office within the next ten minutes!" There was a pause. "And tell her to bring a change of clothes for her sibling. Now!"

There was a resounding chorus of yes's, and then all I heard was complete silence. I mumbled something unintelligibly before falling asleep.

* * *

When I woke up and remembered my high and my antic, all I could think was that there was probably no one else in the entire world who acted as dumb as I had in my moment of delusion and insanity.

My eyes opened to stare up into a set of caramel-brown eyes, widening when I recognized my sister. She smiled down at me when she noticed I was awake, her fingers sifting through my hair gently and relaxing me from my adrenaline rush.

"Is she awake?"

I jolted again, frowning as I pushed myself up on the couch my sister and I were on. I pulled my feet up onto the cushions, narrowing my eyes when I realized that I was, in fact, not in the metal room I'd grown so accustomed to. I looked at my sister, who continued to smile back at me, although that didn't hide her troubled expression whatsoever. I looked around at my surroundings, feeling that same detachment I'd had for so long come over me.

"The Hokage's office?" I inquired with a tinge of confusion. "I've been released? Does that mean my loyalty's been proven?"

I felt Anko wrap her hand around mine tightly. I looked up at her to see how tense she seemed, but she focused on the Hokage when he began to speak.

"There was never any doubt about your loyalty," the old man told us. "You performed admirably in a difficult situation. Things just happened to not go as we had originally intended for them to."

"Why was I locked up then?"

Sarutobi's eyes narrowed. "There was a...complication, so to speak. Normally, I would not think to divulge any of this information unto one as young as you, but considering the circumstances and the wrongs committed against you, I should think that it is your right to know what has taken place while you were incapacitated."

I gripped Anko's hand as tightly as she was holding mine, looking up at her for support. Her smile was tight, but still very much a smile. It was enough, although it didn't quite feel real. I looked back at the Hokage.

"As you are already well-aware," he began to explain, "we launched a strike against Kumogakure nearly two months ago."

 _Two months?_ I should've been distraught. I should've been filled with horror and disbelief. I wasn't. Not yet. _Two months?_

"I first went to Sunagakure to speak with the Kazekage about future plans for the war, and to enlist some of their medical experts, like Chiyo, as our bargaining to gain my own student's help was refused time and again by that point."

"Wait," I interrupted, my tone dull. "You said, 'by that point'. Does that mean that Tsunade's out there on the battlefield helping out right now?"

Instead of showing irritation or annoyance, the Hokage only smiled kindly at me. "You're well-read to know of her. But, yes, that's correct. I was forced to meet her in person, another reason I had to leave the village for an extended period of time. Jiraiya, my other student – perhaps you have heard of him, too? – lent his aid as well, and those two are the ones ultimately responsible for keeping the Hachibi entertained that first night."

Tsunade? Fighting together with her village? Now, I know _damn_ well that she never wanted a thing to do with her past, so what the flying fuck did Sarutobi do to enlist her aid? And, what did that mean for the battle?

I shook those thoughts out of my head. "So, are we winning? Is the battle over?"

He frowned. "No. Our intention was never to 'win', so to speak. Kumogakure has one of the strongest military forces around, and it would take around three countries to properly hold them down for long. No, what we had intended was a blind strike – no warning, no understanding of what was to really come, no time to prepare for anything. We couldn't put forth our entire force, you see, because that would have left us open to incoming attacks from Iwa, if they were desperate enough, or Kiri, if they were bored enough. Kiri seems to be having some inner conflict, however, so their attention is focused inward.

"What we wanted to do was make a point. The fact that they were so surprised and left off kilter was proof enough that we had accomplished what we'd hoped to. It took quite some planning, but we managed that much."

I must have seemed somewhat confused by his words because he explained further:

"We focused on the element of surprise, and on taking them down where it really hurt. It is no secret that the Raikage is quite fond of his brother. Focus on the Hachibi, take him out of the equation, and the Raikage will either pull back or rush forward, as tends to be his nature. With the explosions throughout his village, though, they were forced to pull back their forces so that they did not lose too much. Honestly speaking, we hardly took much of a chunk out of their military strength, but that was never the plan."

"I get it," I murmured, the fog lifting some as I thought quickly. "It's like dropping a hornet in the middle of a bunch of bees. The hornet is going to take out a good bit of them because none of them were prepared for the visitor, but given enough time, the bees would regroup and finish off their enemy without any particular issues. It's the chaos that made it seem like a bigger deal than it was."

He smiled again. "You catch on quickly. Now, are we winning? It's hard to say. We are currently at a crossroads. The Raikage has admitted to the Kumo Incident, and with all of our men standing off, we are at an impasse. If Konoha continues to fight, we will lose. Kumo is still shaken by everything that has occurred though, and are uncertain as to whether to push us into a corner or draw back to make certain that there are no surprises left."

The Hokage paused for a moment before asking, "Dare I ask how many bombs you planted?"

"A lot," I answered flatly.

"Hmm. They have quite some searching to do, then."

For the first time that day, Anko finally spoke.

"How do you foresee this ending, Hokage-sama?"

He shook his head. "It's far too early to say for sure, but we have called for a temporary truce. We are only waiting for Kumo's answer. I am of the opinion that the Raikage will agree, if only for now while they fix the cracks in their armor. A is a very prideful man, and not stupid in the least. The moment they were found in the wrong was the moment they realized that not only was their pride at stake, but their economy as well."

Anko shifted next to me. "No one will want to hire them out if they're afraid of that kind of deception."

"Konoha looks like the bigger man for calling for a truce, since we only attacked as a kind of 'self-defense'," I added.

Sarutobi chuckled. "Ah, if only things were so simple, child. Do not worry. We will solve this issue, regardless of the consequences."

A thought occurred to me. "Wait, what about Yugito? I mean, the Nibi? I was interrogated and forced to give up information about her..."

I saw his eyes darken, but he forced a smile to reassure me. "The Nibi disappeared not even a couple of weeks into the battle, so regardless of whatever information you may have given, it was of no use, I would say."

"Disappeared...?" I questioned, feeling confused. "What do you mean?"

"While the Hachibi continued to wreck havoc on our forces, measly though they may be, the Nibi just...vanished, as if she had never been there. I'm not certain if the Raikage called her back, if she defected, if she is erecting a different plan, or what the case may be."

That...was both wonderful to hear, and terrifying. On one hand, I was glad to hear that she wasn't hurt and that the council or Danzo, or whoever was pulling the strings, couldn't get their grimy hands on her. On the other hand, though, I was worried that she might have been stolen and that her dead carcass would pop up sometime later, with me never having had a chance to amend my actions against her.

I looked down at my lap. Where the hell had she gone, then? Was she okay?

Anko wrapped an arm around my shoulder, bringing me closer to her. I rested against her, letting her warmth wash over me. I flicked my gaze back over to the Hokage when he cleared his throat.

"I was left under the impression that you and the Nibi grew rather close to one another."

My body tensed so much my muscles hurt, and I gave him my full attention. "...Yes, sir."

"She took care of you, did she?"

"Yes, sir."

"Despite knowing your identity?"

"...Yes, sir."

"Hmm, I see."

What the hell did that mean? I looked at him, trying to pick apart his ways of thinking, but I wasn't coming up with much of anything. I felt a stab of guilt strike me when I realized how it must've looked for me to become so close to the enemy, but I didn't regret. Hell no, I didn't regret it.

I stared at the Hokage defiantly. I wasn't going to make excuses for anything I'd done. It was their fault for forcing me into an impossible situation.

Sarutobi intertwined his fingers together, and looked at me seriously. "Which brings us to your recent predicament. Mitarashi Hotaru, stand before me."

I hesitated, unused to his authoritative tone. I barely noticed my sister stand up before she was pulling me to my feet and gently pushing me towards his desk. I walked the rest of the way under my own power, nervousness starting to flow over me as I realized he was about to decide my fate. Sarutobi frowned, his gaze contemplative and unyielding.

"Mitarashi Hotaru."

I found myself wondering what I was supposed to do before confusedly saying, "...Yes?"

"As of February fourth of last year, you were assigned an S-Rank, covert, long-term mission involving infiltration into Kumogakure under the guise of a child soldier incorporating herself within the ranks of the academy students for a seamless transition into life in a different country. Please give me your report."

Report? I never learned how to give reports. Uh...

"Where do I begin?" I asked, feeling out of my element.

"From the moment you received the mission, preferably."

That...was a long time ago. Right.

"From the moment I received the mission," I started, grimacing slightly as my despondency began to fade again, "I chose to first visit my sibling for an implied farewell before preparing for the mission itself. At 2100 hours, I infiltrated the Torture and Interrogation unit, taking care of my opposition with well-placed sleeping powder bombs. I then made my way to the two prisoners who had taken part in the Kumo Incident, freeing them and escorting them outside. We were met with resistance by a single shinobi, who was killed by one of the prisoners. I do not recall which. I believe we also killed another person on the way outside, and we made our way to the wall as explosions occurred to cover our movements. There, we ran into more Konoha ninja that we took down and I..."

I hesitated, not entirely proud of my actions. "I killed one of them."

Sarutobi nodded slowly. "You need not concern yourself with guilt. Those were not actually our ninjas, but were in fact prisoners under a strong genjutsu, made to believe they fought for our cause. Whoever you killed was due for execution soon enough. Calm your fears."

I felt my eyes widen incredibly, and I couldn't believe how much tension I felt leave my body upon hearing that. I felt...so much lighter to know I hadn't killed an ally. Even if we technically had been enemies at that point, a part of me just couldn't forgive myself for doing something so horrible, morally speaking.

I took in a shaky breath, not trusting myself to speak for a few moments. Then, I lifted my head and told the Hokage of my journey to Kumo alongside the idiot duo, my meeting with Kenichi, my infiltration into the city, about my fight that inevitably led me to meet Yugito, about Kenichi's death, my apprenticeship, my mission in Kiri, and everything else I could remember up until the moment I saw the Hokage walk through the door to my cell. By the time I finished, my throat was dry and I was struggling to keep a hold on m emotions all over again.

I really didn't want to feel this horrible again. Once had been enough. I thought I'd gotten over this...

"Understood," was all Sarutobi said at first. "An admirable report. Firstly, congratulations on completing your first mission successfully, regardless of the issues that cropped up along the way. Due to the nature of your mission and its sensitivity, I am hereby awarding you the rank of chuunin to demonstrate your increased ability in fighting and understanding the severity of what it is to be a kunoichi of Konohagakure. You will receive a payment equivalent to time and toil, and your vest will be given at a later time."

I stared at him with no small amount of shock. I wanted to turn around and look at my sister, but didn't dare.

"Secondly, regarding your imprisonment," the Hokage continued. "That was not on my order, but another's, and is my fault for leaving them in charge during my time of absence. For the immediate future, you are to take orders from no one but me until I can properly manage this situation in its entirety. Is there anything you would like to say on the matter?"

I looked down at the ground. "I was interrogated for my closeness to Yugito. Is it possible to withdraw that information?"

"I'm afraid that is impossible at this point," he answered slowly.

"Then, if ever it happened, if she were to want to switch loyalties, would it be possible to grant her asylum and amnesty, and to live as a Konoha shinobi?"

The man frowned. "That is a very difficult question to answer and would depend on quite a number of variables. I cannot give you a solid answer. I'm sorry."

Of course it would. Damn it. Fine, one last question.

"The person who called for my imprisonment and interrogation... Could you tell me who it was?"

I intentionally made my expression blank so that he wouldn't draw any conclusions from that alone. The Hokage let out a soft sigh.

"I'm afraid I cannot tell you that."

I gritted my teeth. It was time to take another jump.

"Was it Danzo?"

At this, the Hokage's eyes widened and I felt my sister walk closer to me, her alarm obvious. The Hokage narrowed his eyes at me.

"How do you know that name?"

"I found out he was the person who had my contact killed," I admitted, feeling another rush of anger. "He did it to get me closer to Yugito, as if his entire goal all along was her or Killer Bee. I can only imagine that since she was the only thing I was asked about in my interrogation, that it might've had something to do with him."

Sarutobi looked somewhat irritated. "Yes, I see. Knowing this, what would you have be done about it?"

"This could happen again at any time," I said with absolute confidence. Danzo was a pain in my goddamned ass. "What's to stop him from doing it again?"

"What do you propose?"

Power. Power. Power. Lots of it. Something that would get me out of the normal ranks. Something that would essentially make every damn thing I did a secret. Somewhere where he could never touch me. Something that... I came to a full stop. It was perfect. That was the best way to get anywhere, and would grant me all of the training I could ever need. Plus, I was an infiltrator. Well, kind of. I could totally expand on that.

"ANBU," I said without hesitation.

Sarutobi's eyebrows raised, but Anko was at my side within a second. She put a hand on my shoulder, gripping it tightly enough to make me wince.

"With all due respect, Hokage-sama," Anko said, her tone clipped, "I would like to negate that possibility right now. Please, do not allow her to join the ANBU."

"What?" I asked, indignant. I slapped her hand off of my shoulder. "It's perfect. It gets me out of trouble –"

"And into a hell of a lot more!" Anko said, raising her voice slightly. "No, Hotaru, I won't allow that lifestyle for you. Never."

"How else am I going to protect myself?" I argued. "I need more training, and I don't have time to dillydally as a chuunin!"

She looked very annoyed as she faced me fully. "I said no, under no circumstances will I ever allow you into that program. End of discussion!"

"Not the end!" I countered. "What if I get kidnapped again, huh? What's going to happen then?"

"I will protect you!" she declared, looking adamant. "I will _not_ let that happen again! Ever!"

"What about when you're out on missions? You can't be everywhere and do everything at once, Anko!"

"I will damn well _try_! I can't... I won't... I will _not_ let anyone take you from me ever again! I will never allow anyone to hurt you like that, not again. I don't care how many missions I have to undertake to keep you safe, fed, and housed, but I will do everything possible to see that through!"

Her voice broke at the end and she looked away, her hands tightening into fists.

"I never," she whispered, "want to feel that way again... When I heard... When they told me that you..."

She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath before facing me again. "I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe. _Whatever_ it takes, no matter what the cost."

Seeing her look so heartbroken hurt me inside, but I couldn't let this opportunity pass. "But..."

"No," she firmly told me, not backing down.

"But!"

"No!"

I glared at her before looking at the Hokage for support. "Hokage-sama, can't you do anything?"

He looked somewhat uncomfortable. "There are other paths to strength, Hotaru-kun. You're still quite young. Perhaps you should take your time searching for what truly fits you."

That was it. My path to ANBU was officially blocked. I reeled back somewhat and turned to glare at my sister, who pointedly looked at the ground, away from me. I gritted my teeth, turning away from her. Now what? Sure, there were other paths, but they were absurdly slow and...

My eyes lifted slowly and I met the Hokage's gaze before looking back at my sister.

Well, there was _one_ path that would accomplish my goals, but I would have to do it in a way that Anko would never find out... That no one would ever know...

I inwardly slapped myself.

Really? _Really?_ Was I this fucking retarded?

I turned back to the Hokage and nodded slowly and surely.

"All right then. I'll find a different path – one that truly suits my needs."

And if Anko ever found out, I. Was. Fucked.

* * *

She is so fucked.


	29. Chapter 29

Bahahaha! And, here you go. Let's do dis! (I love waking up and seeing all those awesome reviews. lol)

Reviews:

Guest: No Hokage. Hell no.

Guest: Maybe she'll come to Konoha someday. :)

ThatRandomKid: lollers She's a helluva troublemaker, ain't she? Makes her all the more lovable, eh?

Guest: No spiders, nope. Doesn't fit her personality much.

Aria: I'll say this: Yugito ain't dead. She damn well ain't dead, and Akatsuki doesn't have her either. So, you can just count on that for now. :) She hates Danzo? Why bother with Root? At least with Orochimaru, she could maybe figure out how to help her sister. These are all just suppositions, btw. :)

TheWick: I actually had some trouble starting the last chapter. It would have been very different had I done what I'd intended to do with it initially.

Royce: Hey. Gai is fucking brilliant. That genjutsu he can do is awe inspiring.

Helenget: I think you've asked for this before, but I can't be certain. Regardless, as I've said before, if I ever do an Anko POV, it will not be until this story is finished.

Guest: Feel curious no longer! Oh wait, you still don't know what her plan is. Oh well.

* * *

Looking down at the chuunin vest laying down on my bedspread, I crossed my arms across my chest with a frown. It was a measure that showed I had grown "stronger", but with how many times I'd gotten my ass kicked thus far, I most certainly didn't _feel_ any stronger. My sister kicked my ass like a ping pong ball back in Kiri, though to be fair, she was quite honestly very strong and capable. I just didn't feel like I'd developed whatsoever. It wasn't enough, and most certainly not fast enough to be of any real use against the major players. Luckily, Akatsuki or whatever wouldn't be coming around anytime soon, although it'd just be my luck to run into any one of them.

I looked up at the ceiling – I had a few ways of accomplishing my goal, but the one path I was really considering would piss my sister off so much that I was currently working on a way to go behind her back and accomplish it. I'd been out of jail for a couple of weeks now, and while the transition wasn't exactly seamless, I hadn't had too many problems. People didn't know me well enough to point out that I should've been dead, and those that _did_ know me were either out on the battlefield or just hadn't seen me yet. That was good though, because I wasn't ready for any social calls, though I did have a few people I needed to speak to.

There were a few paths available to me at this point. One dealt with the Hyuugas – I very specifically remember them promising me that they'd train me, but I'd have to go talk to them formally first. Another route were the Uchihas – with their Sharingan, they'd kick my ass into the ground before I ever got a chance to throw a strike, and that was good, because it meant I'd have to find more and more ways to go about attacking. I'd have to be faster, more able, stronger, better. It would fuel me. The only problem was I didn't have any real way to get in touch with them.

A different route dealt with going to a taijutsu expert, which undoubtedly was Maito Gai. I was okay with this possible scenario, but there was no way he would keep such a matter quiet, and I needed secrecy. I could ask the genjutsu specialist, Kurenai, and that was definitely a major option because she probably _would_ help me if I asked since she liked me well enough, and Anko would even allow it, more than likely. A ninjutsu specialist would probably be...Kakashi. That was a fail from the start – Anko would never allow it, and the man didn't like me much, but he knew how to wield lightning jutsu far better than I did. He would also be secretive about it. It was a thought.

I narrowed my eyes. Even if I _did_ choose those options, they wouldn't be enough. I glanced over towards the hallway, knowing that my sister in the kitchen was only a few meters or so away from me. There was always that option, but... I really hated snakes and...

My head snapped up. What. What. _What._ That's fucking _right_. She'd promised me. _Promised_ me.

"Anko!" I yelled out, turning away from my vest and walking into the hallway.

"What?" I heard her call back with some alarm. "What's wrong?"

I came out into the living room and she faced me, confusion and concern plain on her face. I stood up to my full height of short-point-short, leveling my gaze at her.

"You promised to teach me how to summon! What happened to that, huh?"

She looked absolutely befuddled at this sudden announcement. "Yes... I did. I wasn't going to deny you that opportunity, but, things haven't exactly timed out very well lately."

I needed a type of power to prove that I wasn't full of shit with the plan I was concocting, and learning how to summon might just accomplish that, but not snakes. That wouldn't do anything for me, especially if all it meant was my sister summoning the scroll and letting me ink in my name. _Any_ idiot could write their name. No, I needed my _own_ summons. I needed a summon that fit me and my personality, though I wasn't quite sure what might go about doing that exactly.

I frowned at her. "Now's as good a time as any, isn't it?"

"Now?" she asked, her voice deadpanning. "You can't be serious. At least give yourself a month of reprieve instead of two weeks."

"You promised you would teach me when I graduated," I pointed out. "It's been a year plus. I'd say that's more than enough time."

Anko narrowed her eyes at me, her hand gripping the knife handle wrapping more tightly around it. I snapped my mouth shut when I saw how absolutely displeased she was with my response and took a slight step back. Her gaze fell to the floor for a moment before slowing gravitating back to mine.

"Is this like a game to you?" she asked, her voice low. "Do you think that nothing's changed over all this time, or are you just ignoring it?"

I tilted my head a bit. "A game?"

She put the knife onto the counter, the muscles in her jaw jumping to show how tense she was. "Hotaru, I don't think you understand just how dangerous summoning can prove to be. It isn't just a matter of making the seals and coming face to face with something that will choose whether to accept you or not. It is a serious situation that could possibly kill you if you were not physically ready to participate."

"Anything could kill me right now," I muttered. "I'm surprised I'm still alive right now."

"This isn't a joke," she warned me, her eyes darkening. "Don't you get it yet? Don't you understand how valuable you are?"

Her words were starting to bother me and I didn't want to accept them. So long as I did what was necessary before I kicked the bucket, then who the hell cared? Hell, maybe if I acquired enough strength and power, I could take down Orochimaru after Danzo. Hey, if you were going to dream, might as well dream big, right?

I only muttered back, "I'm not very valu–"

Anko's fist slammed onto the kitchen table, making me jump back like a skittish cat. I could see her whole arm trembling before she put both palms on the table top and leaned onto it. Her bangs covered her face so I couldn't see her expression, but I could imagine that she was probably very ticked off at the moment. I shifted uncomfortably.

"Anko..."

"You don't get it," she whispered. "For you, it's been a year of continuous movement, of the mission, of pushing forward so that you could stay alive and accomplish what you had been assigned. There was no pause, no lull for you to adjust to. There was _always_ something for you to do next, always something to be aware of. But what about those you left behind? What about them? What about me?"

Anko turned her gaze to the side. "How do you think I felt when I woke up to find some of the city on fire after being put to sleep by a possible invader? How do you think I felt to go home that day and find that no one was there? How do you think I felt when I received a visit from your jounin instructor, telling me you had died on the _very_ day you'd graduated? How I felt when he gave me the dog tags you'd never actually ever seen or even held? How was I supposed to feel? How was I supposed to deal with that?"

She paused before slowly looking up at me. "Life for the two of us wasn't easy at first. We couldn't deal with one another, and I never allowed myself to trust you for the longest time – I'll be the first to admit that, but... But I'd grown to love you, love you so much that I couldn't imagine not coming home to see you smile or say something sarcastic back at me. I'd grown fond of our bond, I'd grown to love what we had. We'd... We'd become so close to one another, that when I found out you were gone, it was..."

Anko shook her head. "I couldn't cope, I..."

She took in a deep breath. "You... You were dead, and I'd _never_ noticed until later that you were pleading to me for help, that you wanted me to fix the situation. I never realized the true meaning of your words until the day I saw you again in Kiri. I never knew that I was missing so much, never knew that you... You needed me, for the first time, you _truly_ needed me, and I couldn't do _anything_. I couldn't help you that first day, I couldn't help you when we met again, I couldn't do _anything_.

"When you were gone, everything was a little too quiet, a little too dead, too difficult to deal with. I couldn't cope. I couldn't trust myself to move forward without a goal. I thrust myself into missions, but despite being a special jounin, the missions weren't harsh enough. They wouldn't take away my focus. I'd needed more. I couldn't take it. So, I joined ANBU. I figured that, at least if I died, then I could maybe see you wherever you were, and we could be together again that way."

"Anko..." I spoke out, taken aback. "That's not... You can't think that way! You have so much to live for!"

Her fist slammed onto the table again. "And so do you, but you don't see it! You don't even care about your life! You don't care about what you'll potentially leave behind, _who_ you'll leave behind!"

"I damn well do care!" I shouted. "You don't know how the thought of reuniting with you spurred me forward, how all I thought of was how much I wanted to see you and be with you! You're my sister!"

She looked completely heartbroken and torn as she looked at me. "I wish I could have... If I'd known what they were going to do to you, then I... I would've done something. _Something._ _Anything._ "

Anko shook her head again. "I don't want to go through that again, that heartache, that thought that there was still so much we hadn't done together yet, the thought that if I'd been a better big sister to you, you wouldn't have had to..."

I saw her shoulders tense as they trembled. She hid her face.

"I'm so sorry for failing you, for not being there when you needed me," she whispered. "I'm sorry for not noticing, for not doing enough. I'm so, so sorry Hotaru. Please forgive me..."

I bit my lip. I hadn't known, truthfully. I'd been so focused on me and the fact that I was so pathetically weak that I'd never thought of how anyone else would feel about my absence. To be honest, I didn't think anyone would really care. Fat lot I know.

I clenched my fists so tightly that I could feel my nails press into my skin. Had they been any longer, I'm sure they would've drawn blood. Looking at Anko and seeing how hurt she was, how much she had seemed to suffer caused a pain to blossom within my chest. I hated seeing her like that. Anko was naturally a strong, passionate person, but to see her look so wrecked was nothing short of terrible. I didn't want her to suffer just because of me. I didn't want her to feel pain because of my actions.

Walking over to her side, I wrapped my arms around her waist, causing her to stiffen in surprise. She turned slightly and I clung tighter, resting my head against her stomach. I could feel her hug me in return, could feel her break down even more as time went on.

"I'm sorry, Anko," I whispered to her when I noticed her sobs growing quieter. "I never once thought you failed me. That's impossible."

"If I'd known," she murmured, sinking down to kneel beside me. "I could've done something to help you. I could've sent a summon to support you."

I laughed. "Now, there's a thought. 'Wow, Anko must be really mad at me to send one of these things to still torture me.'"

She let out a small chuckle, and I felt some relief. I really didn't like it when she was so upset.

"It would've kept you on your toes, at least," she replied, her reddened eyes looking into mine.

"Oh, gee, thanks," I muttered. "Like I didn't have enough on my plate."

Anko made a smile, before turning her gaze away. "Speaking of which, I need to finish preparing dinner."

Now, _that_ brought a smile to my face. "Oh, goodie! What are we eating tonight?"

"Something," she told me, which was about as ambiguous as Kabuto's loyalty. "Go get ready for supper."

I smirked, separating myself from her. "Then, we can go try the summon thing, right?"

Irritation flitted across her expression before she finally rolled her eyes. "You still have such a one-track mind. I guess I should be thankful that some things haven't changed with you."

"Just my height!"

"And your stupidity," she shot back. "Food first. We'll discuss the topic of summons later."

I frowned. "That's mean."

Anko gave me another smile. "Welcome home."

She ran a hand through my hair gently, and I felt an overwhelming need to hug her again. I did so anyway, noticing that she never tried to stop me even once, despite the fact that she was busy trying to get our meal ready. I really, really had grown to love Anko. I loved her so much.

"You didn't fail me," I told her softly, feeling her stiffen slightly. "You could never fail me, no matter what you do."

She was silent for some time before I barely heard her say, "...Thank you."

I parted from her, heading to my room as I said, "Make some pancakes, too."

"No way in hell are we eating that for the fifth time straight," she growled back. "Go get ready! Stop being a pest!"

I just stuck my tongue out at her. It was my job to be a pest. Besides, it stopped her from looking so agonizingly sad and broken.

I walked down the hallway and into the bathroom. I peered into the bathroom mirror, frowning intensely. If I went through with my plan, there was a distinct possibility that I would screw up and really hurt my sister somehow. If I committed myself to this, there was no way to make sure that she wasn't affected by this. I needed more to work with. I couldn't just jump into this without a Plan B, and C, and all the way up to Z. I wasn't big on making plans, but for Anko's sake, I'd do whatever it took.

I'd try other ways first, while carefully erecting a solid strategy. I'd need one to go through with this. I frowned even more.

I couldn't fail her. I wouldn't.

* * *

"I'm still very much against this idea," Anko muttered as we went to the training ground. "This just reeks of trouble."

"Everything reeks of trouble when it concerns me," I replied, not at all concerned.

"Isn't that the truth," she conceded, sighing.

Anko finally agreed to teach me, but it took another week of constantly asking and asking, and _asking_ her for the opportunity. She had been so against the idea, too afraid of the idea of me actually dying for real and her having been a cause this time around. Bah, she couldn't coddle me forever, and she knew it. As a chuunin, sometime soon, I would be out there fighting for my life not because I was forced to, but because I'd chosen to, for the sake of my mission. It irritated her, but she preferred working with me herself instead of me going out and potentially trying it out on my own, which, I probably would have done had she made me wait much longer.

I hopped up onto her back, making her grunt in surprise as I wrapped my arms around her neck for support. Her arms automatically curled around my legs to make sure I didn't fall backwards, and she continued walking forward without another comment. I nuzzled into her shoulder, content to just be near her again.

"You smell pretty," I murmured.

She chuckled, the vibrations rippling through her body. "I'm so glad you think so."

"You're the best sister ever."

"You're just happy you're going to learn a new technique."

I rested my cheek against her back, frowning slightly. "No, you really are the best."

Anko didn't reply to that, her feet stopping after a certain amount of time. Her arms fell away from my legs.

"Off, or I kick you off," she promised.

I slid off and ran to stand in front of her, my hands clenched into tight fists as I eagerly waited for her to teach me. She sighed softly and looked around lazily before coming back to me. She motioned for me to have a seat, and I sat Indian-style in front of her as she knelt down. Anko frowned and stared at me seriously.

"Listen, Hotaru," she said softly. "I've said this before, but this truly is a very dangerous technique to learn. It would be one thing if you were just signing an existing contract, but what you will be doing is essentially reverse-summoning yourself into a different realm entirely. You'll be going to a kingdom of animal summons that most closely represents who you are, and what you represent. They will test you, and push you to your limits to ensure that their possible summoner is neither weak-willed nor weak in strength or power. Truthfully, I haven't the slightest idea of what animal most closely relates to you, and so I can't give you any tips. I've never participated in such an event, myself."

I frowned at her. "You're really worried about this."

Anko didn't bother responding to that particular comment, only asking, "Do you have all of your materials and equipment? You didn't forget anything, did you?"

"Yes, Mother, I do. No, Mother, I didn't," I quipped. She'd asked me these question three times before we left, even.

Her eyes darkened slightly before she reached into the pocket of her brown trench coat, an addition that I was both pleased and dismayed to see. I mean, it was great to see her as _the_ Anko from the series, but I hoped it didn't mean that she would turn into such a bitter person. I had a feeling that if I'd truly died, she definitely would have.

Anko pulled out a necklace that... My eyes widened when I saw the remaining chakra bombs on it and I quickly turned my gaze to stare at her. She'd kept it for the entire year for me?

She leaned forward and clipped it around my neck. The gesture made my eyes burn somewhat and I laid a hand gently on her forearm, biting my lip to keep my emotions in check.

"No matter what happens," she said to me in a low voice, "you are my sister. You are strong and you can do anything you set your mind to. Understand?"

I nodded silently. She smirked. "And if you can't, then you can bomb the living hell out of every animal you see."

The idea made me laugh. I didn't have enough bombs in my inventory for that. Anko's smirk turned into a genuine smile before she held out her hands. I stopped laughing and gave her my full attention.

Her hands went through the different seals: Boar, Dog, Bird, Monkey, Ram. Only five of them, but they would evoke an incredibly strong technique that had the capability of killing me in one blow if I wasn't suitably prepared. She walked me through the steps to make sure I knew precisely what I was doing. When she was finally satisfied that I knew how to proceed, she stood up.

"It will take a lot of your chakra," she explained. "Your control is abysmal, so you can expect the toll to be high. I suggest you take a soldier pill as soon as you reach the other realm. If you find that you can't succeed with one, then you may take a second, but I'm limiting you to two. Any more and you'll be risking your health and the resulting chakra exhaustion will have you in the hospital for over a week. But wait, you actually like the hospital, don't you? You're there enough."

"Fuck you," I rebuked with a scowl.

Anko laughed at me, and it was a beautiful sound to hear. She normally never did, so I would have to hold this close to my heart as another precious memory. If I fucked up, I wouldn't be hearing it again, that much was for certain.

"All right," she said, her laughter dying out. "Shall we give it a try?"

I jumped back, using chakra to boost my airtime before landing on the ground some ways away from her. My hands went through all of the seals carefully and gingerly. I flashed her one last look to see that she was peering at me seriously, no doubt ready to jump in if need be. I felt myself smile at her concern before I bit my thumb, enhancing the strength of my teeth with chakra to get through the thick skin of it. Blood started to drip out and I slammed my hand on the ground, shouting,

"Kuchiyose no Jutsu!"

My eyes widened when I felt my chakra _torn_ from my body, funneling into the seal that branched out across the ground with numerous webs of kanji. At first, nothing happened, and I worried that I'd done something wrong. I lifted my gaze up to my sister who was frowning thoughtfully.

"Hey, nothi–"

I couldn't even finish my sentence before I felt myself _pulled_ into the seal and _through_ it, my body soaring through the air as I raced towards an immensely large forest. The trees loomed closer as I freefell, and I pushed my remaining chakra to every limb as much as I could to. My eyes snapped open after I achieved this and I took in a deep breath as I saw the closest branch. My feet hit it, immediately pushing chakra out to keep me from falling off, and the reverberations shuddered all the way up my body, causing me to wince from the pain. Nothing was broken though, I knew that much.

Hissing from the pain, I pushed myself to stand at my full height, my hand automatically reaching out to touch the gigantically huge trunk of whatever tree's branch I was standing on. I stared down below me, unable to seem much due to all of the vegetation, but even looking straight forward or upwards allowed me to see nothing save for one tree after another. It wasn't the matter of the fact that I was on a tree that was as tall as a skyscraper, no. It wasn't even the fact that I couldn't see the ground whatsoever, no.

It was the _humidity_. It'd been so long since I'd felt humidity like this, and even Kiri wasn't as bad as what I was facing right now. Sweat was already beading across my forehead and I let out a sigh. I was in a rainforest. What kind of animals lived in rainforests? The answer was a goddamned lot of them.

I bit my lip and looked down. Standing up here wasn't doing me any good whatsoever. I had to inspect my surroundings, which meant I needed to head down to wherever here was.

I shuffled back, reabsorbing my chakra as I let myself fall backwards, falling down onto another branch a good number of meters below. I jumped from branch to branch over and over again until I could finally see the ground. It was...for the lack of any better vocabulary, quite dark and dangerous, but incredibly beautiful from what I could tell. Hardly any light was filtering through the tree tops, and my eyes had to adjust to the lack of light.

Well, now. All of this was interesting and pretty and all, but where were the summons? Was part of the test _finding_ them? I looked around, wiping sweat from my brow as I did. I couldn't hear a single sound, and it was eerily quiet. My palms began to sweat as I worried about what I was going to face. What if they were poison frogs? I'd never find the damn things until I was actually on the verge of dying. I jumped to the ground, ready to hunt around for whatever animal I could.

I took one step before I heard a very dangerous sounding, very scary, very low growl come from behind me. My body froze – that didn't _sound_ like a poisonous frog, or anything altogether cute... It sounded like something very frightening, which would've been awesome if it weren't for the fact that they were currently my _enemy_.

Turning around very, very, _very_ slowly, my eyes met the brilliant golden orbs of whatever had approached me so closely. My mind blanked when I saw the beasts jowls lift as it bared its yellow teeth at me. My eyes widened as my mouth opened to say something witty when it roared right into my face.

"AH! Oh my God, what the fuck?" I screamed out as it tried to slash at me with its claws, though I narrowly evaded the blow. I used chakra to push myself back but it was _right there_ as soon as I landed, and I flipped up and backwards, slamming a foot into its face before jumping away. It let out a deeper growl that promised pain if it caught me and I ran away, my hands flipping through seals.

"Fukashi no Kaze," I shouted, feeling whatever chakra I had remaining flow outwards as my genjutsu took hold and I ran up the trunk of a tree. My hand dug into one of my pouches, the soldier pill immediately going into my mouth as I reached a branch.

I stopped when I saw it hadn't tried to follow me. It was too dark for me to really see what animal it was, but something similar to anxiety and dread hit me when I saw its golden eyes pinned on me. I barely saw the glint of its teeth before it reared back, and then let out this... _roar_. It was...unlike anything I'd ever heard before, and it filled me with incredible fear, like I foresaw my death. The roar was so loud and so ferocious that I felt like the entire forest could hear it. And, maybe, that was actually the point.

It didn't take long before I could more and more sets of eyes focus on me, making my heart pound with uncontrollable fear. I turned around slowly to see blue, green, yellow, gold, red eyes stare at me with unbridled hostility and the air in my lungs came out in a soft,

"Oh hell..."

As soon as I said this, that was when they launched their attack. My genjutsu didn't mean a damned thing for them – they could smell me, sense me, knew exactly where I was going to go. I swallowed my sound of alarm and raced up the tree, only to find one them waiting for me on the next branch up. I changed gears and launched off of the tree trunk, soaring through the air until I landed on another, _different_ branch and got my butt the hell out of dodge.

I heard the roars and growls as they gave chase, and cried out in my mind that this was a point in time that I wished my sister had _not_ been right, because she's always right, and _ohmygodwhyaretheyrightTHERE_?

One of the beasts appeared in front of me – did it perform a shunshin and are you fucking kidding me?

I _barely_ dodged one of its attacks, but its second attack slashed right through my shirt, leaving it completely ripped. I tried to retreat again but it was on me again, not giving me a second to relax as it opened its mouth and chakra spiraled around between its jaws. I was hit with the very obvious and very upsetting fact that I did not have a defensive jutsu in my repertoire, at all. There was nothing to protect me, so I had to run away.

Releasing the chakra in my feet in one fell swoop, I dropped down off of the branch just as its blast of chakra slammed into the tree trunk and _through_ the thick ass thing as if it were made of spaghetti. Had that attack touched me even slightly, I would've been dead.

I had to get the fuck out of here. Maybe do another summoning jutsu? How would that work? How did I get back? Maybe I should have asked?

I threw off my speed seals, funneling chakra into my legs as I flashed down the tree and hit the ground running as fast as I could. I swept through the forest, trying to find a place to rest and attempt the jutsu without fear of dying, but the second I thought I'd lost the damn beasts, one jumped out of some underbrush, darting into my path and racing at me. It bum rushed me, making me wince from the pain as I flew backwards and slammed onto my back on the forest floor. Barely a moment later, beasts were surrounding my vulnerable form, and felt my fear leap to new levels as they bared their teeth for me to see. The one that had hit me came closer slowly, like I was the prey and it was the predator, like it knew I was down for the count.

Then, as if a flip had been switched, my fear cut out and I stared at my enemy, devoid of all emotion except annoyance and anger. Me, the prey? Me? _Me_? You fuckers think I made it this far to be taken down by you idiots? _I'm_ the summoner. _I_ command you. You don't own me, _I_ own _you_!

I let out a soft sigh as my fury overtook me and then, chakra was channeling to my hands.

"You think you've won against me?" I murmured, standing up as they growled at me. "I ain't done with you fuckers yet! Raiton: Tezzuna!"

The string of lightning shot from my fingers at the beast who had dared to attack me, wrapping around it neck as I took it by surprise. I jumped on the head of one beast and then _pulled_ the beast I caught and swung it around to crash into another. My lightning fizzled away as my hands went through the seals of another jutsu, my fingers cupping my mouth as I shouted,

"Katon: Goukyaku no Jutsu!"

The beasts let out roars of anger when I lit their home on fire, but what the flying fuck did I care? Try to kill me, will you? Best believe that I'm going to try to kill you right the fuck back, you assholes!

In an explosion of chakra, I launched myself backward onto a tree trunk, and darted straight up it, wrapping my left hand around my right wrist as I forced as much chakra as I could to my right hand. The chakra began crackling as it grew denser and denser, and I continued running up towards a new target, away from the multitude of them behind me. The beast bared its teeth at me, his jaws opening. I exhaled shortly, more chakra flooding my limbs as I jumped straight for it, the Chidori in my hand crashing against its launched attack. Crap, I forgot wind trumped lightning every time. The ensuing explosion sent me flying back, and I was vaguely aware of how lucky I was that my hand hadn't been blown apart entirely.

I let myself flip back and sunk down against a different tree trunk. I looked at the beast I'd just fought, its blue eyes staring right at me before I looked closely at my surroundings, seeing just _how many_ of them there actually was. I looked down at my hand, flexing my fingers to make sure I hadn't lost anything in the resulting blast. Then, I looked at my opposition again.

Right. Time to retreat.

I turned and fled away from every one of them I could see, flying from branch to branch as I felt them chase after me. Not bothering to glance back even once, I focused forward as I went from one tree to another. I could feel my heart pounding both from exertion and from adrenaline, and I wondered how long I could keep running away. I didn't have the right techniques to go up against them, and there was no way I was even going to attempt to fight using taijutsu. I wasn't that stupid.

I managed to stay away from them for nearly ten minutes before I began slowing down, my body unable to keep up with my current pace. Sweat poured down my face as I lost steam, but I didn't allow myself to stop. I couldn't. If I did, they'd kill me. Even knowing this, though, I could my body's energy start to putter out. I'd cleared one last branch before missing the next one and plunging all the way down to the forest floor. I pushed chakra outwards to coat my body again as fell feet first onto the ground, using momentum to somersault me forward.

Breathing in and out harshly, I scrambled upwards to avoid the next attack that came at me, sending a kick back in response. My foot landed on its snout (?) and made it cry out in pain. Gasping for air now, I slowly edged backwards against the tens, hundreds... I realized that I hadn't had a chance in hell against all of them.

My heel hit against something hard as rock and I tumbled backwards onto what felt like stone. I closed my eyes tightly, feeling this to be the end of my miserable little life. After a few seconds, when nothing happened, I squinted them open a bit to see each one sitting back on their haunches, their eyes staring straight at me as they sat. I was terribly confused and pushed myself up to stand again, wondering what was going on. I moved forward, and the moment my foot hit the grassy area, one of them leapt forward, snapping it jaws at me and sending me tumbling back again. But, as soon as I was back fully on the stone, it didn't bother to finish me off.

Okay. Okay. So, the only way forward was behind me. Right.

I turned around, wary that they might try to attack my rear, but none of them came forward. Clearing my throat, I looked in front of me to see a staircase higher than I'd ever before seen. My jaw fell as I stared up as far as I could see, the light from torches lighting the path all of the way up.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

I gave a deep sigh and pushed myself forward, my legs protesting as I starting ascending the staircase.

One step after another, I lost count at around seven hundred or so, but I was no nearer to the top than before, it felt like. If I looked back, I couldn't even see the bottom anymore. I let out another sigh and continued walking up.

Hours later, I flopped down onto the top step, my chest heaving as I stared into nothingness. Who the fuck decided to design this place? Were they bored out of their mind? Did they say, "Hey, let's create five billion steps and see who's stupid enough to climb them all," or something? I wanted a medal. A damned fine medal.

After resting some, I finally pushed myself up onto my knees, and then onto my feet to stand up fully. I tilted my head from side to side to crack my neck and then finally looked ahead of me. Standing before me was an incredible golden temple that seemed to house thousands. It was huge, immensely so, and I wondered how I'd never seen it from where I'd been before. I guess I'd been too far away to take notice. There was a long red carpet with golden trim running along the ground from where I stood, and to its sides were a number of beasts. I squinted at them. Even in the obvious light of the fire, I couldn't tell what kind of animal they were, and I briefly wondered if it might have been some kind of jutsu that blocked me from seeing. Did that mean I'd only find out once I finally signed the contract, if I was able to?

Gathering my courage, I walked forward down the red carpet through the large sculpted entrance which led to something that made me think of a Great Hall of sorts. It was a large chamber that seemed to be used for official business. Within its depths, I found as I stopped at the end of the carpet, was the largest, most gigantic, awe-inspiring, fear-inducing, fucking cat I had ever laid eyes on. I swear, peeing on myself wouldn't be so farfetched right now.

"Oh," I murmured intelligibly.

Its silver – silver! Who has _silver_ eyes? – eyes stared at me, looking down at me as if I were some kind of bug, and to be fair, I kind of was in comparison to him. I saw the cat lick its humongous mouth, and found my back straightening.

"Who is it who visits me?" the voice boomed, the force almost pushing me back onto my butt.

I coughed once, then twice. "Uh, my name is Mitarashi Hotaru, ah, sir."

"Sir!" the cat yelled out, and this time, I really did fly back. "How dare you insult me so!"

"Ugh, what do you expect me to do, you stupid cat?" I shouted back very stupidly. "It's not like I can say, 'Hey, could you open your legs so I can see if you've got a wiener or not?', now can I?"

Directly after, I froze. What the hell had possessed me to talk back to this monstrous beast? That was stupid, very, very, very stupid.

Then, the cat let out a bark of laughter, and I flew backwards again. At this point, I was quite fed up with standing up only to be pushed back down again. I settled for sitting up and glaring at the...cat. It, sorry, _she_ looked back at me, her gaze incredibly intense.

"Why is it you have come, human?"

"I want a summon," I answered not at all confidently.

"Yes, indeed," the cat said back. "But whatever for?"

My mouth closed when she asked that question, and I seriously considered how to best answer. Truthfully, yes, I did want it as a type of bargaining chip, to show that I wasn't just going with the flow and that I'd worked to get as far as I was. I wanted to be better, to be stronger, and I thought I needed a summon to do that. With summon, I might be able to go further, push harder, but I didn't _need_ one.

Eventually, I finally said, "I don't really know."

The cat hardly looked impressed, and I couldn't blame her. I tried to explain.

"I came here with the intention of getting something powerful so I can show the world and specific people that I wasn't someone to mess with. But I shouldn't have to use another being as a type of _tool_ to accomplish that. Then I thought, perhaps I came here to find out what kind of person I am, because summons correlate with their summoner for the most part, right? There's a definite connection to the personality of the summoner. But, I already know what type of person I am."

"Intriguing," the cat responded. "And what kind of person are you then?"

I hesitated before looking down, my shoulders slumping some. "Someone who doesn't cherish those around her enough. I've been lucky so far, and I thought that I could just keep powering forward on my own, without the help of others. One can't become stronger by always leaning on others after all. My sister didn't even want me learning this technique yet, she was afraid that she might lose me again, but I only cared about becoming stronger so that wouldn't even be a variable to consider. Running away from my problems won't make them any less obvious or important, but she wasn't trying to hold me back, she was just concerned I wasn't yet ready. And, maybe I wasn't."

Frowning, I closed my eyes. "Yugito said the same thing. She only limited me because I wasn't _ready_ , but when will I be _ready_ if I never _try_? I don't want to hurt anyone, but I don't want to stay in limbo forever either. I'm the type of person that doesn't care about herself enough to take it slow, and I guess that makes me very selfish and terrible overall."

I shook my head. "I guess I came because I was hoping for a different way to acquire strength without hurting those around me."

The cat snorted. "What a weak child. And _you_ desire to summon _my_ family?"

The obvious derision annoyed me. "I'm trying, damn it! I won't get there in one leap, so I have to start with baby steps! If you don't choose me now, I'll just come back again when I'm stronger, and again and again until you get sick of me and either kill me or accept me."

"You have a strength deep within you, but you do not acknowledge it because you think it makes you pathetic and holds you back," the cat told me, "and that is foolish. You understand your faults but cannot help but act on them just the same. Wise, but weak, strong, but foolish. It is little wonder you have come to us."

I frowned at this observation, although it fit me to a key. Unfortunately.

The cat stared at me for some time more before belting out, "Gabor!"

I clapped my hands over my ears, feeling pain rise within them as I tried to block out all other sound. I jumped when another cat popped into existence, its large form in a bow in front of the gigantic cat.

"You called for me, Your Majesty?"

"It's time."

The cat named Gabor flinched back and its head swiveled around so it could stare at me. It did so for some time before vanishing from my sight and the popping back into existence _right in front of me_. Yelling out a cry, I jumped backwards, my kunai automatically in my hands as I glared at the offending creature. It hardly looked scared as it stared back at me, a large scroll in its mouth. Realizing I wasn't being threatened, I hesitantly slid my kunai back into their holds, frowning as I looked at the cat. It lowered its head and dropped the scroll at my feet. Understanding dawned over me and I quickly looked up at the larger cat.

"You... You're accepting me? Why? There isn't a test?"

The cat...chuckled. Yes, that's pretty much the best word for the sounds that came from its mouth.

"You were tested from the moment you landed in our world, child," the enormous cat explained. "And you answered in a fashion most representative of you. You were weak to constantly run away without trying to fight back, and proved your strength when you manhandled some of my children the way you did. You were foolish to attempt to attack with lightning, despite knowing your opponent used wind, and were quite wise to strategically retreat when you did. Does that sound familiar any?"

I felt as if I'd just had an epiphany by talking to this cat. "Wise, but weak. Strong, but foolish. Had you intended to take me on the entire time?"

"Now, that just would've been foolish of me," the cat said, winking at me.

I shuddered. Goddamn it, why did people _do_ that, for fuck's sake?

Looking down at the scroll in front of me, I frowned, realizing I didn't exactly know what to do from here.

"Open it and sign your name in blood," Gabor told me, his voice distinctively masculine. "That is the true test. Will it accept you?"

I held his gaze for a bit before kneeling down and unrolling the scroll. It wasn't very long, just big and bulky. I frowned when I saw it was completely blank. Looking back up at Gabor, I asked,

"Where? I don't see any other signatures."

"You are the first," he said simply.

Oh. Ohhhhh. Well, then.

I bit into my index finger and wrote out the letters for my name. I stood up slowly after doing so, sticking my finger into my mouth to aid it in healing faster. Gabor stared intensely at the scroll until the blood I'd signed up with glowed brightly and then turned a jet black, almost as if it had been there the entire time. I felt a rush of power swirl around me and I closed my eyes as the wind billowed around me faster and faster before, just as suddenly, fading out of existence. When I opened my eyes again, I saw the complete majestic form of Gabor in front of me.

Jaguar. I was in the command of jaguars. That was...awesome, and whoa, I was really tired.

I felt myself fading from consciousness and I shifted my gaze upwards to the gigantic cat.

"What... What's your name?" I managed to ask.

The large jaguar seemed amused but replied, "Ixchel. Remember that name, child. And, summon us to seal the ordeal once you awaken again."

Gabor said something that I couldn't completely understand before the scenery around me changed and I was suddenly on my knees in the grass of the training field, as if I'd never left and experienced more of a hell. The tired eyes of my sister met mine warily, and I was too tired to interpret much else.

"Well?" she asked softly, standing up and walking towards me.

I gave her a shaky grin and a thumbs up. "Jaguar. I've got jaguars."

Then I flopped down onto the grass and blacked out.

* * *

I've been planning the jags for a long time. I loooooove jaguars. :) Mayan names ftw!


	30. Chapter 30

So, I hadn't planned on working on this story until I'd finished the newest chapter of my other story, but, I _needed_ to write, so here we are. Now, excuse me while I drop from exhaustion.

News: More fanart! Glee! By sgcassidy: geekysoundcat .deviantart.c0m/art/A-Smile-Like-No-Other-Hotaru-Vector-575347688

So, here's my question: What is your honest opinion of Hotaru so far? I mean, I can only see her from the inside-out, so I've no idea how you guys think of her. It's always nice to know so I can relate even better to both her, and every one of you guys. :)

Guest reviews:

Hi: Yep. Jaguars (the animals) are fucking brilliant. :)

Ledy: Wolves have actually been done, but I can't recall which fic it was that I read that had them.

TheWick: As far as I'm aware, Sage Mode is only available when you're contracted with the toads. Each species has its own bonus, I believe.

Lola: Welcome aboard! I'm glad you're enjoying it thus far!

* * *

"To what end have I come, was it worth the cost? I have found so much, yet never felt so lost. I run, I fight, but at times wonder why I'm so fraught with fright. To you, I cast my respect, something that has previously gone unchecked; to you, that ray of hope above, the sun I have always loved."

"Where are you going?"

I paused in my trek to the front door, slowly turning back to see my sister eyeing me carefully. I saw her pointedly stare at the weapon and pill pouches attached to my waist and thighs, a frown deepening on her face. I gave her a smile.

"I'm going to work on my summoning!" I answered happily.

Anko just tilted her head silently. Then, after some time: "No, you're not."

My smile fell immediately and I faced her fully. "Ixchel told me that I needed to summon them to seal the deal, and it's already been over a week. I don't want them to think I'm backing out."

"I don't care," Anko said, her tone devoid of emotion. "You're going to sit down and eat the breakfast I went out of my way to cook, and then you're going to rest for the rest of the day while I take care of some business."

I could feel myself scowl. "No, I'm going to go summon my awesome, amazing jaguars, which are way better than your snakes. Then, I'm going to bond with them and start up my training again. I've been slacking off."

She passed me a glance that I felt could freeze the most viscous motor oil and I stiffened.

"No," she said again, very slowly, each syllable clipped. "You are not. You are going to sit down and eat. Then, you will rest."

"Anko –"

"Sit," she directed, not letting up on her glare. "Eat."

"This isn't fair," I argued. "I'm going to train. I have to!"

"No," came the same reply.

"But –"

"No." She took a step towards me.

"I have to –"

I took a step back as she took two more, her gaze never wavering as she again said, "No."

I tried to scramble away from her but she was able to get a firm hold on the back of my brand new vest and pulled me up high off of the ground with hardly any trouble. Knowing that struggling would only piss her off even more, I didn't bother trying to get away again and she dropped me in my chair. Then, she turned around and walked to the couch, sat on it, and proceeded to stare at me with her arms crossed across her chest. Her current attitude was even scarier than when she yelled, because right now, I couldn't tell what the hell she was thinking, and her eyes on me made me very nervous.

Scrunching up my shoulders, I forced myself to look at the food instead. I slid my chopsticks into position and picked up some salad, stuffing it into my mouth as I tried – and failed hard – to ignore my sister. I took a few more bites of the food – she was really getting better at cooking – and then finally gave up.

"Um," I started, and Anko slowly raised an eyebrow, "am I in some kind of trouble?"

I hadn't actually done anything troubling this time around, I don't think...

"What makes you think you might be?" my sister asked in turn.

I shrunk away some more. "Passive-aggressiveness doesn't really suit you, sis..."

"Funny," Anko snapped, "because it appears to be working _just_ fine for me from where I see it."

"I haven't even had the chance to do anything bad this time around," I complained. "I've just been sleeping since I got back from the other realm."

Anko scoffed, crossing her right leg over her other, a red flag that immediately tipped me off. My sister didn't close herself off anymore since we'd both promised to be honest with each other about our feelings years back. The fact that she looked like she was trying to shield herself was something I knew wasn't for her own benefit, but more than likely mine. Her lack of expression, the folded arms, the staring, the crossing of her legs – every single one pointed to an obvious conclusion.

"You're mad," I deadpanned. "What did I do now?"

She pinned me with yet another one of her "I'm-not-particularly-impressed-with-you-right-now" looks. It clashed somewhat with the fact that her hair was still down, wisps of it falling down over her eyes with the rest gently framing her face, making her seem younger and far more innocent than she appeared to be, far less... _dangerous_. It was even worse that she was dressed in a pair of shorts and a tank top and would've fooled any person who hadn't lived with her as long as I had. Anko didn't reply to my question.

I shifted in my chair, turning my head away so I didn't make eye-contact, even though I could just _feel_ her eyes drilling holes into the back of my head. I puffed out my cheeks.

"I didn't do anything wrong," I muttered.

 _I've done nothing wrong..._

I flinched involuntarily when my words from inside my prison came filtering back into my mind, the panic I'd felt then slamming back into me again like a sledgehammer. Very glad that I'd turned away when I did, I bit my bottom lip as the fingers on my left hand curled around the seat of the chair tightly, so tightly that it began to cave under my grip a bit.

Calm down. You aren't there anymore. You're safe. You're safe. You're, safe.

 _You're safe_.

I swallowed, inwardly wincing when my voice shook: "Wh-why are you mad at me?"

If Anko had noticed a change in my behavior, she didn't indicate it.

"Hmm, let's see," I heard her say, although her voice seemed further away than before.

 _Calm down. If you lose control, she'll feel your chakra go wild. Calm down, calm down, calm down._

"You beg me for weeks to help you with a technique I damn well _knew_ you weren't ready for," she started before pausing and muttering something that sounded suspiciously like, "I knew I should have held off for longer."

A pause. "I help you, you're gone for three days, you come back, and you're in a coma for another six straight. You wake up intermittently over the next two, barely have enough energy to go shopping with me, you sleep for another day and now you're up, saying you're ready to start training again? Are you _out of your mind_? You're taking this to a new level and are getting way out of control, Hotaru!"

 _"...She's starting to get out of control."_

 _Inoichi muttered, "She's panicking too much now, Ibiki. Finish it."_

 _"Who are you loyal to, Konoha or Kumo?"_

My hand was starting to hurt and I could feel my teeth start to chatter a bit. It felt almost as cold now as it had in that _room_. I closed my eyes. No, I was beyond this! I was safe now! My sister was here, and I wouldn't allow myself to go back there to that coldness, that emptiness, that nothingness. I gritted my teeth.

I needed to train. I couldn't let myself become like this. I needed to get better, stronger, faster... It could happen again anytime. He could take me away again anytime. Not just him, but what about them? I could be taken away by any of them anytime soon. I had to get stronger.

 _"Hey, she's cute. Mind if I have a little fun?"_

I could feel my blood start to freeze and turn into one large intersecting icicle. Why was I remembering that of all things? I didn't want to remember. I didn't _want_ to remember!

I've got to train. Now. I couldn't wait. If I waited then...

 _"At least whatever pain she gets from this will be temporary in comparison."_

No. No. _No._

The chopsticks dropped from my hands, and I didn't bother looking at my sister as I slipped from the chair and automatically walked towards the door.

Have to train. Have to train. Need to forget. I didn't want to remember anything from...from back then.

"Hotaru? Where are you going?"

Train. Train. Train.

I slipped on my shoes and my entire body stiffened when I felt a hand wrap around my arm.

 _"...Orochimaru likes perfection, remember?"_

No, I didn't want to remember. Don't touch me. Leave me alone.

Why was I remembering this? It's been over a year!

I resisted the ironclad grip, trying to pull away. The hand let go briefly before arms encircled my body, and I panicked more.

 _"Aw, that's a shame. At least she's got something to fuck."_

No, leave me alone... Don't touch me, don't touch me, don't touch me –

" _Don't touch me_!" I shouted, and the arms held me even more tightly as I struggled harder than before.

"Hotaru!" I heard someone exclaim. "What's wrong? Tell me what's wrong!"

I haven't done anything wrong!

 _"Of course you haven't."_ I could easily recall the sneer on the man's face. _"That's why you're here, isn't it?"_

I could just barely feel myself trembling, and I stared pleadingly at the door. I wanted to train. I _needed_ to train. If I stood still, if I let myself relax, it would happen all over again. I wanted to forget, I had to forget, because if I didn't –

 _"Do not forget where you come from and where you are going. Don't forget the people you've met along the way."_

Yugito's words flowed through my mind and I sunk back. I felt myself be shaken before my shoulders were grasped and I was turned around completely to face the overly concerned gaze of my sister. Anko's eyes widened when I looked at her, and though I hadn't cried, I could tell I was on the verge.

"I can't..." I gasped out, my words coming out brokenly. "If I rest, then I... I remember everything, and I don't want to remember anything, but Yugito said I shouldn't forget, but if I don't, then I'll go insane, and I don't want –"

Anko crushed me to herself, arms wrapped around me protectively as I continued to tremble. I couldn't even hug her back.

"Anko," I tried saying, my voice little more than a whisper. "A-am I broken now?"

"If you are, then I must be, too," she whispered back, continuing to hold me tightly. "We're going to get you some help, I promise. I won't let you go through this by yourself."

"Are we going to train?" I asked, hearing the hope laced around my words.

Anko shook her head, and her hair brushed against me. "We're going to get you taken care of."

So, did that mean I really was broken, then? Were we both broken?

* * *

A cup of tea being set in front of me snapped me out of my trance and I tentatively lifted my gaze to see the tranquil face of Hyuuga Hitomi. I turned to see that I was more or less alone, save for the beautiful woman in front of me and a bundle of warmth at my side. I blankly looked down to see a mess of purple curled up next to me, and my confusion must have been obvious because Hitomi gave me a look that seemed to indicate hesitance.

"Are you alert again, Hotaru-chan?"

I didn't answer the question but instead looking around with wonder at my surroundings, my eyes catching the rich upholstery and beautiful décor. Giving the sleeping purple mass next to me one more glance, I looked up confusedly to stare at Hitomi.

"Wait, what am I doing here? When did I get here?"

Her smile grew a little forced. "You do not recall how you came here?"

I tried to look back through my memory banks, but wasn't coming up with anything, so I just shook my head. The woman's smile faded entirely at that.

"I had hoped that would not be the case," she murmured softly before seeming to notice something.

Hitomi turned around, rising to her feet as swiftly as any capable ninja. I saw the door to the room open slowly as Hiashi walked into the room, with my sister coming up behind him. Her eyes found mine immediately, and when I tilted my head to silently ask what the hell was going on, I saw her turn away again, looking almost guilty. I wanted to stand up, but there was a purple _thing_ sleeping on my lap that prevented me from doing so, unless I wanted to send it tumbling away. I chose not to.

Hiashi turned to face my sister. "We will take care of her, Mitarashi-san."

"I am in your debt, Hyuuga-sama," my sister replied formally, lowering her head into a deep bow.

"Nonsense," Hiashi said, waving away her words. "This can hardly be counted as a favor, and will not come close to making up for your sibling has done for us. Yamanaka-sama was thorough enough to send you with a letter explaining the situation. I have little doubt that we will be more than able to assist."

Anko hesitated. "Still..."

"We will see that she is clothed and fed properly, you need not worry," the man said further, and Anko nodded slowly.

Her eyes slowly found mine again, and I saw they were filled with a deep guilt and worry that wouldn't be alleviated all that easily. She gave me a smile that looked so heartbrokenly sad and I jolted in surprise when she just turned around and left the room, closing the door behind her.

What?

The man turned to look at me then, calmly assessing my condition as he looked me up and down. I felt like a cat ready to bolt as I looked from him to the door, down at the purple mess, and then back up at him again and again. My eyes found Hitomi's, and she frowned thoughtfully at me.

"What's going on?" I asked, feeling myself begin to panic. "Where's my sister going?"

"Calm yourself, child," Hitomi said, her frown not easing. "You are safe."

Safe. The word registered immediately within my mind, but it didn't make me relax. Both of the adult Hyuuga seemed to tense as I gently pulled the purple thing off of me and laid it down on the cushions. I stood up, my heart thumping hard within my chest. I took one step around the coffee table only to be met with calm, unassertive resistance.

"Hotaru-chan," Hitomi began slowly, "where are you going?"

My hand clenched into fists. "Safe"? I wasn't safe. There was no safety around anywhere that I could see, so I had to make it so I wouldn't have any difficulties despite that. No, perhaps I wasn't safe now, but with some time, patience, and hard work, I could make that a reality. I had to actually work though, not sit on my butt doing nothing. People said that all work and no play made Jack a very dull boy, but I was neither a boy, nor was I named Jack. Work made me thrive. I needed it.

"To train," I answered almost emotionlessly, robotically. I winced inwardly. "I need to train."

Hiashi didn't say a word as Hitomi smiled at me, as if amused. "You intend to train so late at night? Quite the overachiever, aren't you?"

My gaze snapped to hers quickly. "Late at night? What are you talking about? It's barely a little after nine in the –"

I could see the darkness through the window behind Hitomi, and I swear my jaw unhinged itself somewhat, because I was having trouble coming to terms with the fact that I'd somehow lost track of not just seconds or minutes of the day, but _hours_ upon _hours_.

Barely feeling the woman's fingers push my chin back up, I felt her wrap her arms around me, pulling me closer into her net of safety and comfort. I stiffened automatically, but slowly, gradually felt _something_ blanket me and help me relax bit by bit. My knees grew weak enough that I nearly fell to the floor, and would have if not for Hitomi holding me up.

"It is late," she said gently as her husband crossed the room and picked up the sleeping purple thing. "Perhaps you are hungry? If not, shall we retire for the night? I do think we are all due for a good night's sleep."

I would've tensed again, but whatever she was doing to me was intoxicating in how much it relaxed me. My head fell against her stomach and with ease and grace, she picked me up and held me in her arms. Hiashi opened the door leading out with Hitomi carrying me out first.

"I need to train..." I muttered, trying to will myself to get over whatever she was doing to me.

"We will train tomorrow," Hitomi told me softly. "You need not worry."

"My summons..." I continued mumbling.

"We will deal with that in due time."

"Training..."

She said nothing more as she continued to carry me through the house and I finally sighed, tucking my into her shoulder. It felt so calm, so peaceful, so...safe.

* * *

The cold crept up on me, crawling up my skin and causing me to shake and tremble as I desperately tried to get warm. My measly blanket was hardly doing me any sort of good and the steel walls seemed like they were trying to enclose on me. They just kept growing closer and closer and there was no kind of relief in sight. I longingly looked at the door that would lead to my escape, but it stretched ever so farther away. My breathing quickened.

I shifted to the other side of the bed, but the IV was stuck to my arm. I sighed softly. Of course it was. Why had I ever thought that would change? I couldn't even bother to try and take it off, because I knew the medics would come right back in and jam it back in again without mercy. I wondered who I might have pissed off in my previous life to be put into this situation right now.

I closed my eyes. What was the point in thinking about that now? It wouldn't help my situation any. Had I simply trained more, and better... I was such a lazy slacker. I was _better_ than this. I knew I was. I just...couldn't do enough. Well, I was paying the price for my negligence now.

The siren sounded indicating that they were ready to start the interrogation anew again. What more did they want from me? I'd already told them everything. When was I going to be released? Was I going to die in this place?

I turned to look at my visitors, expecting the same old routine, and I could feel my heart miss a beat when I stared straight into the dark eyes of Nara Shikaku. Hatred swirled through my body. What the hell was he doing back? Come to torment me with yet another mission?

"What do you want?" I asked with some acid in my voice.

He leveled his own gaze at me as three other figures came into the room, but I paid them little attention. Then, as if he were someone else entirely, his mouth turned into an evil smirk, the likes of which I'd never seen on his face before. It gave me reason to pause.

"Are you still upset about that mission?" Shikaku taunted me. "I thought you were all set to be a real kunoichi."

This wasn't right. That man was terrible, unforgiveable ingrate, but he would never stoop so low as to spark my ire without due reason. I frowned as Shikaku's smirk grew larger.

"You really do know how to get out of sticky situations, don't you?"

"That is why she was chosen for the task."

I quickly shifted my gaze over to a dark figure in the corner, but even though I tried to squint to tell it apart more clearly, it remained a blurb that stayed anonymous to me. The darkness seemed to gravitate towards the person, or whatever it was. I warily turned my gaze back to Shikaku, but he only sneered at me in a way that aggravated me.

"Perhaps it is fortunate she did not die, then," Shikaku said, turning his gaze away.

A chuckle seemed to come from the dark figure. "Indeed. That would have hurt my plans some, but this way, I can proceed forward without incident. You are already within my grasp, child. You simply do not realize it yet."

Something told me, _told_ me I knew what the figure what, _who_ it was, but it wasn't coming to the forefront of my mind. The darkness appeared to grow larger and more encompassing as it reached out towards me, and I backed away hurriedly, starting to panic.

"Stay away from me! Get away! Don't come any closer! I swear I'll kill you if you touch me!"

After all, if I could threaten someone, that was far less fear on my mind. If I could find an outlet, that was less stress weighing me down. If I could find an escape, of _any_ kind, then that was something I would grab a hold of as tightly as I was able.

If I'd just _trained_...

The embodiment of darkness just laughed, with Shikaku mirroring it.

"Kill me? I'd like to see you try..."

The darkness reached further, and swiped at it.

"I will!" I yelled. "I swear, leave me alone or I'll kill you!"

I backed away into someone, and whipped my head around to look at the medic...who was not actually a medic.

My eyes widened when I saw Mizuki smiling at me as happily as ever.

"M-Mizuki..." I stammered, unable to turn my gaze away.

Mizuki poked my nose with irritating joy. "Shin-chan! I missed you so much!"

I didn't fail to notice the spikes of wood lodged into her body, the exact places they'd been when I'd seen her die. My hands started to shake more than before. What was she doing here? How did she survive?

"What are you doing here?" I asked, barely able to spit out the words.

"Don't worry about me! I'm with my mommy again, just like you said! I'm so happy!"

I was taken aback by the exuberance, and then Mizuki's face darkened as she gave me the most evilest smirk I'd ever seen on her face, almost comparable to Shikaku's.

"It's a shame, though, that you were just living a lie the entire time," Mizuki murmured, her tone laced with dangerous intention.

 _"It spoke of a young man who lived one lie upon another, one more always added to compensate for the previous one. At the end, he wakes from his dream, addled from the lies he thought he'd lived, all 999 of them, only to find out that none of that ever happened from the start, creating the one thousandth lie."_

Yugito's words hit me hard with what Mizuki had said, and I shook my head. "No, I wasn't just living... I wasn't lying. Our friendship was real! I wasn't... I'd meant every word I said to you!"

She just chuckled. "Don't worry, Shin-chan. I don't blame you for killing me. I don't blame you for killing my mother. After all, that's what you'd planned to do from the start, right? You killed us, just like you plan to kill him. Is killing all you can actually do?"

No! I killed because I had to, not because I wanted to!

"I didn't want to kill you! I wanted you to live!" I told her, pleading for her to forgive me. "I swear, I never wanted you hurt! You were so young, and..."

"It's okay to kill," Mizuki said softly. "That's what you are. What you were raised to be."

No! I became a ninja to protect myself and my family, our ideals and our dream. I became a ninja because to do anything otherwise was to sign my possible death warrant, and because I couldn't stand the idea of not doing _something_ useful with my existence. Was that so wrong? Was it wrong to want to be useful? Was it wrong to want to live without fear? Had I done something wrong?

Mizuki looked up to her right and I saw the redhead from before peering down at me, a gruesome cut all along her throat. My teeth chattered. I hadn't wanted to kill her, but if I hadn't, then Hinata... What would have happened to us? We would've been taken away and forced to bow to others' wills. Was I wrong?

Did I...really do something so wrong?

Itou smiled at me.

 _"That's why you're here, isn't it?"_

No! No! _NO!_ I'd done nothing wrong! Nothing! _Nothing!_

I looked back to see the darkness finally touch me, its cold depths trying to absorb me.

"You are mine..."

* * *

My eyes flashed open, my heart pounding and my entire body trembling. I could feel tears sliding down my face as I stared up into the darkness and my teeth clicked together as I tried to rein in my emotions. Maybe... Maybe I had deserved the fate I'd received. If only I'd...

I choked out a sob, and something warm brushed against my forehead, dabbing at the sweat that had built up. I slowly turned to see Hitomi sitting beside me, not imposing in the slightest, but available should I have ever desired her help. I turned away from her, hiding my crying eyes away behind my forearm as my left hand gripped at the futon beneath me. I couldn't even control my mouth as it opened to let out more sobs.

"I don't want to remember," I sobbed. "I want to forget. Why can't I just forget everything?"

"Shh," I heard her whisper as she gently touched my cheek. "It was only a dream. All is well now."

"I want to train," I cried. "I want to forget."

"In due time," Hitomi whispered again. "For now, you need your rest."

I shot up from where I lay, unable to stand the stillness. I needed to move. I had to move. I had to do something. Something. _Anything_.

I had to train.

Hitomi took me into her arms, and a feeling of calmness and tranquility once again settled over me, and I wondered what it was she was really doing. My shuddering slowed and my heart rate fell back to normal as I stared dully into the darkness.

"The dawn will bring a new morrow."

Would that erase my past wrongs though? If only life were so easy.

* * *

So, once again, my question: What is your honest opinion of Hotaru so far? Feel free to review or PM me with our PMs. If you think she sucks, at least tell me why. If you think she rocks, let me know why. :)


	31. Chapter 31

Ah, a time of healing... Right? Right? Yeah. Fuck life, man. ALSO. Thank you to everyone who gave their opinions of Hotaru. I thank you so, so much. :)

In other news, does this fic seem to have a lot of reviews to you? I mean, it's not DoS, but still, feels like it has more reviews than it should, somehow.

Guest Reviews:

FanaticFanGirl: How she overcomes this... That's a couple of chapters down the way. :)

Guest: Thank you! I'm so glad to hear that! Yeah, I really honestly don't think any people from our time period, aside from those who grew up with war or signed up for the military, would react normally in Hotaru's situation.

Guest: Sane? Hah. Hahaha. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Good one.

Guest: Yep. Children are fragile and break easily, or can. She ain't Hatake, and even HE broke eventually.

* * *

It was the sense of disquiet that woke me a second time that same night. Just like before, I'd seen the darkness of whatever that thing was reach for me, enfold around me and surely, but slowly, suck out the life from me. I could only guess that this time, I hadn't blown my distress out of proportion, because there was no one by my side when I sat up and stared into the darkness. My fingers twitched involuntarily as I looked for a way to calm myself down, but the only thing that came to my mind was the insistent need to train.

My fingers twitched again. Then, my right eye twitched. I clapped a hand to my face.

I was...so, _tired_. I felt a pressing need to push forward, to keep moving, because stagnation would only prove my downfall, and being forced to lie down in a bed for days and then essentially being locked up for another while cognizant of my surroundings didn't help me feel any better. I needed an escape from reality, because I couldn't be a mature adult and just accept what had occurred for me as of late.

 _"That's why you're here, isn't it?"_

My whole body twitched this time and that was the straw that broke the camel's back for me.

I stood up slowly, my fists clenching and unclenching as I bent low to the ground, my eyes shifting to and fro as I snuck towards the door. My hands fell into the Rabbit seal and I silently applied my genjutsu. Of course, I knew that I was in the clan dwelling of the Hyuugas, a body of people who had the ability to see through walls and whatnot with their crazy bloodline limit, but my time with Yugito had to have done something for me, at the very least. If nothing else, I could attempt to escape, and whenever they happened to find me, I could make a dash for it. Maybe if I tried it enough times, they would just let me go and leave me to deal with the consequences begotten thereafter.

I slid the shouji open, peering out through the crack. I stared silently for some time before sliding it open more fully and taking in my immediate surroundings. Taking a few quick steps forwards, I held my breath as I continued sweeping the area to make sure I wasn't in any obvious danger of being captured again. I padded forward a few more steps before finally placing my palm on the floor. Concentrating, I let a jolt of chakra spread out from my body, using my hand as a conductor before letting it spread all around me. I wasn't a sensor by any means, but even the dumbest shinobi could detect signs of life in the area from such a simple technique.

It just so happened that I definitely sucked at the technique, because there either wasn't anyone in the near vicinity, or they were all dead. Yugito had made it seem so _easy_ , though. Of course, she made everything seem like a walk through the park, and I begrudged her for it. Yeah, I just sucked at the technique.

My next problem was that I didn't know the layout of the compound whatsoever, and had no fancy tricks up my sleeve to make the solution any easier to reach, either.

Fuck it. Since when did I actually plan shit anyway?

I skittered down the hallway, my eyes flashing from side to side. I very quickly realized that I was in the Clan Head's house, which probably should've been obvious, but due to how tall the outer walls were, it had been impossible to see how incredibly huge it was. Not all of the main branch members lived in it either – some lived in attachments and extensions to the main dwelling, and I wasn't sure whereabouts I currently was. Whatever. So long as I could get outside, none of that would even matter in the least.

Just give me a window. I'll jump out. Crash out. Whatever.

Ten minutes later, and I was no more enlightened on my position than before, although I _had_ found the kitchen and a couple of bathrooms, and a lot of goddamned rooms that I had zero time or interest in exploring. I had also found a broom closet with a bunch of cleaning supplies and a room full of bedding and clothing. Indeed, I could cook myself a meal, clothe myself, change my bedding, go to the bathroom, and clean to my heart's galore.

I winced when my eye twitched again and I bit my bottom lip. I found myself tapping on the floor randomly and erratically and grabbed my right hand with my left to stop the strange tic. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and then let it out – if I got so wound up that I busted something, even if I was granted freedom for it, I' have to find a way to pay for it regardless, and for some reason, I didn't think my last mission's pay would really be enough to pay for whatever damage I caused. Shaking my head, I slipped down a hallway that I hadn't explored yet and sighed with relief when I saw the large paned glass windows that showed the outside of the house.

I snuck up to the windows and ran along them until I reached the shouji that would allow me to head outside. The door opened with a soft "shh" sound and I crawled outside, my eyes narrowed. My genjutsu wouldn't fool any of these people – hell, if Hinata had awakened her Byakugan, I wouldn't even get past her, and she was _four_. Obviously, the jounin of the clan would hardly consider me to be anything of a challenge.

A grin on my face, I was about to jump of off the wooden platform onto the grass when I heard someone clear their throat softly. I froze and my gaze looked to my side where a man was plainly sitting.

"Did you enjoy your exploration, young one?" the man asked, obviously joking although no hint of a smile showed on his face.

My grin fell quickly as my alarm grew. The voice sounded far too familiar, although I could not clearly see the man's features.

"Hyuuga-sama," I murmured, knowing I had absolutely zero chance of defeating the clan head if it came down to that. "I apologize. I couldn't allow myself to stay still in my room. I need to keep active and moving."

"Ah," he responded. "We are all Hyuuga in the compound, so you could be referring to anyone, though I suppose you are thinking me to be my brother, Hiashi."

I frowned. Brother of Hiashi...? Wait, the guy _did_ have a twin brother, didn't he, or hadn't he? Hadn't the guy died, though? Wait, what?

"Brother?" I questioned softly, feeling as if I was losing my mind. If the dude was alive, then how was that moody kid of his doing?

The man was silent at first before he stood up to his full height and walked into the dim rays of the moon. When he turned back, I was somewhat taken aback to see the exact same features of Hyuuga Hiashi staring at me. Had it not been for the tattoo all along his forehead, I would have thought he was the Clan Head himself. As much as I wanted to stare at the tattoo, the more mature part of me turned my eyes away.

"I am Hizashi," Hiashi's brother continued. "And you must be the young Hotaru that I have been informed of."

I didn't bother saying anything in response. There was very little I could say, in all honesty. I only turned my eyes back to make eye contact with him and saw him cross his arms over his chest.

"You are up quite late, Hotaru," Hizashi said as gently as before. "It would not do to waste all of your energy on the first night."

My eye twitched again and I rubbed a few fingers over it. "I just want to train for a bit. Then I'll head back."

"I'm afraid I cannot allow you to do that," the man told me. "But, then again, it does not seem as if there is any need for me to stop you any further."

I wanted to ask what he meant by that when I felt a hand gently touch my shoulder. A jolt ran through my body when I realized that I'd been so easily snuck up on. Slowly, I turned to look up and behind me at the calm tranquil expression on Hitomi's face. Her eyes looked down at me for a moment before flicking back up to look at her brother-in-law – wait, how did it even work in families like this? I didn't get the inbred thing. Hitomi gave a short, somewhat stilted nod.

"Thank you for holding her at bay, Hizashi. I had wanted to see how far she would manage to go before someone finally decided to catch her. Though," she said, with masked amusement, "I did wonder if she would find the third restroom before finishing her quest."

I attempted to escape her grasp but her grip was as solid as steel.

"Please, Hitomi-sama," I started slowly, "I just want to train a bit. Just thirty minutes, or even twenty. Just a little."

"In due time," she responded, "but not tonight."

I clapped my hands together, holding them in front of me as I again requested for the chance to train, but she shook her head slightly, giving me a firm negative. She knelt in front of me, looking deeply into my eyes as she murmured,

"What you need right now is a decent amount of sleep to better restore your energy. Pushing yourself to exhaustion won't necessarily help you in any way, Hotaru-chan."

Sleep? No, she didn't get it. Even if I tried to sleep, the only thing that would happen was that I would see that terrible darkness again, that darkness that threatened to pull me in and hold me for all eternity. I had the most horrible feeling that if ever I was actually caught by it, it would either kill me or torment me as its slave for all eternity. Then, there was, of course, the mocking laughter of my jounin sensei, and even of some of the Kumo shinobi I'd met here and there over the year. I wasn't even sure how long I'd managed to stay unconscious this time around, but I doubted that it had been very long. The dream served to remind me of just how pathetically weak I was, which spurned a desire within me to train, which then plagued my body and made me completely miserable. I'd had the dreams during my short return with Anko as well, but, never had they been as defined as the dreams I'd had tonight.

I tilted my head to the side. "I don't need to sleep right now. I just need to train, and move my body in some way. I just need to push myself a bit more, and then I'll be okay."

Hitomi narrowed her eyes slightly at me before breathing in slowly. "I had believed the technique would keep you for longer, but I obviously underestimated your trauma."

She touched the cool tips of her fingers to my head and I frowned. "Wait, I don't want to –"

* * *

A couple of days later, after waking up and feeling dead on my feet from waking up multiple times throughout the some of the nights, I didn't even have the energy to walk to the dining area for breakfast. A servant boy ended up bringing me breakfast, but I'd been too tired to actually eat it. I, politely, turned him away and flopped on my stomach on the futon, covering myself up and closing my eyes to see if I could get some peaceful shuteye. The moment they closed, though, I saw the tendrils of that darkness come straight for me again and my eyes flew open. I groaned aloud as I forced myself to stay awake, but lying down on the floor wasn't doing me any favors.

I really just wanted to walk around, to move in some way. Movement implied progress. I needed to progress. I had to progress. I had to do something. Something. Anything.

My arm twitched slightly and I let out an irritated sigh.

Getting up, I left my room to explore, only to be confronted by Hitomi and a plate of food not even half a second later. When I explained that I wasn't hungry, she only looked at me with an expression that more than assured me that if I didn't, someone would force-feed me until every last morsel was in my body. It took me a full hour to push every single bit down, but when I was finally finished, Hitomi gave me a very gentle smile of approval. Afterwards, she held up a small bottle of some kind of liquid. I was given two spoonfuls of it before I passed out.

Someday, I'd ask to know whatever the hell was in that stuff.

* * *

Two Ankos stood before me in the midst of nothingness. My vision split down the middle between them, and on one side, I saw a much younger Anko, an Anko who didn't even have her hitai-ate yet, turn to give me that smile I hadn't seen for years upon years. Her still slightly chubby face was turned towards me, nothing but kindness, warmth and love for me shining through in those eyes of hers.

"Hotaru-chan!" she said happily, her smile nothing short of blinding.

"Hotaru," came a much deeper voice this time, one that demonstrated maturity and experience.

This Anko was older, a perpetual frown on her face as she looked at me. Despite as much, I could still feel the warmth and gentleness in her tone and how she looked at me. She may not have smiled, but it was easy to see that she cared for my well-being with just how she moved to face me. She bore her forehead protector proudly on her forehead, her form teeming with confidence.

I tried to walk towards the both of them, but found that neither of my feet were willing to move forward. I looked down to see the left one covered in a menacing, bubbling, red chakra that swelled around my left foot, eating away at my clothing and skin. It slowly climbed up my leg as I stared at it with something akin to fear and dismay. I couldn't even feel the pain, even though it should've been nothing short of obvious. Turning to look at my right leg next, I saw spiraling tendrils of darkness encircling my leg, each tendril crawling up slowly with a promise of danger and absolute terror. I didn't feel terrified in the least.

I didn't feel anything at all. What was wrong with me?

"Hotaru-chan –"

"Hotaru –"

The two simultaneously called out my name before each donned a grin most befitting of them.

"– I have to go now. Stay safe, and remember, I am always here for you."

Both Anko's grins settled into soft smiles. I looked down. The chakra and darkness had reached my hips by this point.

The younger Anko turned away and walked slowly forward, her slight form confidently pushing forward towards a giant beast that rose up to stand high, high above her. Its red eyes glared down at the younger Anko, its teeth bared as it let out a snarl and then a fierce roar. The younger Anko never bothered to back down, simply tilting her head back to look up. Then, she spread her arms wide as a wave of bubbling red chakra launched at her and swallowed her within its depths. I sat frozen as I saw her body pull apart and disintegrate bit by bit until only her head was left bobbing around, her brown eyes staring at me with that frozen smile on her face. Then, it, too, turned into fine ash, and just like that, the chakra that had engulfed her disappeared from existence, alongside of the part that had tried to eat its way through the left part of my body. I stared at my left side dully, barely noting that not a single part of me had been injured.

My head popped up when I saw the soft glint of metal as the older Anko pulled out her tantou with her right hand, her left hand holding a couple of kunai between her fingers. She, too, turned away from me and faced an impenetrable darkness that seemed to continue on for ages. Her hands clenched tightly around her weapons as she walked forward without an ounce of hesitation, her shoulders straight and displaying the pride she held in her skills. The older Anko disappeared into the shadows without even the slightest sound and I could hear the sound of fighting as metal clashed against metal. She yelled out at some point and then, suddenly, everything fell silent.

Despite my anxiety, my body wouldn't move no matter my demands. After another few minutes, the older Anko was spit out of the darkness, her body covered with cuts, bruises, and wounds. She breathed in and out harshly, but didn't make a single noise of complaint as the darkness crept up on her, pulling her back into its depths. She slid across the ground, a trail of blood left in her wake as she tilted her head for one last look at me. Her eyes were their usual beautiful, caramel-brown and seemed to radiate reassurance before she was sucked up completely with nary another word. And, just like with the chakra, the darkness suddenly faded out of existence, leaving me alone and completely safe from harm.

I stared silently into the nothingness, blinking as I slowly came to terms with what had just happened. I was safe and they were not. I was free, and they were bound. I was weak, while they had been strong.

"Bye, Hotaru-chan!"

"Goodbye, Hotaru."

* * *

Like nights prior, I woke up in a cold sweat, my limbs twitching as I yearned for a release from my suffering. I just needed something that would help me blow some pent up energy, something that would help calm me down. I couldn't just sit down. I couldn't stay still.

I had to _train_.

Like before, I snuck out of the room, quickly making my way to the doors leading outside, only to be stopped once again by Hizashi's looming figure. He gave me a knowing glance.

"Exploring again today, Hotaru?"

My eye twitched more rapidly than before, and I put my hand over it, although I could feel my fingers trying to react against my will as well. I slid my left hand into my pocket to make its condition less obvious, and I bit my lip to hide my chattering teeth.

"Hizashi-sama," I said slowly, not wanting to seem as crazy as I was starting to feel. "Are you stalling me again tonight? Can't you just let me through?"

"And what would you do if I did that?" he asked me, and I felt a shudder of coldness drift down my body before the twitching started anew.

Hizashi took a step towards me and my body immediately reacted as my hands automatically attempted to reach for the weapon pouches I no longer had on me. I shifted my gaze around quickly before settling onto him and staring at him until he took a short step back. My hands trembled even more than before.

Train. I need to train.

The man frowned more deeply. "Hotaru, have you been sleeping well?"

No – train. I needed to – no, wait, tRaIn, I needed to _noIhadto_ TrAiN.

My hands were starting to tremble more and I wildly looked around me for an escape route. "I just... I n-need to..."

I shook my head. I was so, fucking, tired. But my dreams wouldn't go away. I needed to push them away. Further away so I could _IhadtomustifIdidn't_ train. I shook my head again, my trembling hand coming up to cradle it as I slowly narrowed my eyes until I was glaring at Hizashi _noHiASHi-noHIzaSHI?Hia-Hiza..._

It's been months. I needed – no, had, no, needed – to train.

I felt a hand on my shoulder again, and my body moved before my exhausted brain could attempt to stop it. My tired body spun around, my right hand reaching to grasp the enemy's – no, Hitomi, no, the enemy's, no, that's _HitominoenemynoHitominonono_ – wrist and pull them down. Pale eyes caught mine, and for a second, their color flickered to navy-blue, and then black, and then caramel-brown, and then red.

 _"That's why you're here, isn't it?"_

No, I wasn't that weak anymore!

My fist flashed forward, but before I knew it, I was suddenly on the ground, my cheek to the hardwood floor with my hands behind my back. My body twitched again and I fought desperately against the iron grip of my captor.

No! My mission! I had to complete my mission or –

I was so tired. I just wanted to rest –

Train! I had to train, but if I didn't –

"Hitomi-sama, it's begun."

"I expected the process would take far longer, but she's particularly stubborn."

I twitched again and then –

* * *

I woke up in another cold sweat some time later, though I wasn't sure of how long I'd been drifting in and out of consciousness, and curled up into a ball, my entire body groaning and yelling at me for deprivation of its rest. I held my head tightly in my hands and concentrated on breathing in and out. I wasn't dead, and I wasn't alive, but I had to be alive, so did that mean I was dead, but if I was dead, and that was the opposite of being alive, then...

Slamming a fist on the ground, I took in a deep breath. I had to think about this rationally _tRAiNIhadtOtrAIntheRewasNOratioNaLTHoughT_ or I would go insane. I was starting to get increasingly desperate. I needed to move. I need to move. I needed to move. _I needed to move!_

I pushed my aching body up until I was standing and tried to leave the room. I slowly walked past a number of Hyuuga milling about, and none of them thought to touch me until the moment I chose to walk towards the nearest exit. As soon as I put one hand on it, the nearest Hyuuga touched my shoulder gently. I turned around carefully, my entire body trembling with pent up...whatever... I just needed a quick session. That was it. Was that so wrong? Was that so wrong? _WaSTHAtSowrONG?_

"Hotaru-sama, you need your rest. Please allow me to escort you."

The second he tried to grab my wrist and pull me away from the entrance was when I snapped and slammed a fist into his gut. He stared at me, his mouth opened comically wide as he fell to his knees. I stared down at him with indignation.

"I am not _weak_ ," I hissed out. "I am fine."

"I never said that –"

"I'm _fine_!" I yelled, slamming a foot into his side. "I don't need you! I don't need anyone! Don't get in my damned way!"

I kept kicking him until a couple of other people rushed me and pushed me down to the ground, holding me tightly. My weakened body struggled against my binds and then Hitomi was suddenly there.

"Leave me _alone_!" I yelled just as she made a seal.

* * *

When I woke again from another nightmare, I stared blankly at the door. If I attempted to leave again, they'd punish me again.

 _"That's why you're here, isn't it?"_

No, I hadn't done anything wrong. Nothingnothingnothingnothing _notHINGNoTHIng_!

A knock at the door brought me out of my musings and I saw it slide open, revealing the servant boy with a tray of food in his hands. I...honestly wasn't very hungry. I didn't want to eat. I wanted to train. Why wouldn't they let me train?

"I have brought your food, Hotaru-sama," the boy said softly. "Hitomi-sama requests that you try to eat all that you can."

I gave him a smile. "Yes, I understand. I'll do my best –"

 _"Is that it?"_

I groaned and clutched at my head, but forced myself to smile for the suddenly nervous boy.

"Thanks. Just leave it there," I said, trying hard to be polite and courteous.

The boy nodded and beat a hasty retreat after closing the door. I looked down at the tray, seeing a pair of elegant chopsticks sitting beside a spoon. Not even glancing at the contents of the meal, I picked up a chopstick and looked up at the door.

Well, if I couldn't go out and tRainTRaiNtraIN, then I'd just have to...

* * *

Hitomi moved into my room that night after healing my self-inflicted wounds.


	32. Chapter 32

Right. Anyone willing to make a cover art for this story? :) And, how does everyone feel about the "quotes"?

Guest reviews:

FanaticFanGirl: No, on both accounts. :)

JK: Eh, there's a reason for it.

* * *

"The darkness swiftly rejects those unworthy and full of shame, who could I find who shares nearly equal blame? I cast away my sight for too strong was the surrounding light. That which helped me remain alive soon fell back to make way for what would force me to further strive. Yet, how is it you glow so brightly above, that sun I have always loved?"

I grasped at my head, the tips of my fingers pushing hard against my skin. Sitting in the room I was designated, I couldn't help but twitch and shudder as I tried to cope with the fact I didn't have a training crutch to fall back upon. Today was one of my more lucid days, one of the few lately where I actually retained some memory of what I'd done all day. The others, Hitomi had told me, would come back to me when I was ready to accept them. I wasn't sure when that would be.

My leg twitched for the five-hundredth time that day and I slammed my fist down on it, although not with as much strength as I would normally be able to. I glanced at my trembling hand and clenched my fingers into a fist. I couldn't deal with this anymore. I just couldn't.

I was so _tired_. I hadn't slept more than an hour at a time for days upon days, and I was starting to grow a resistance to whatever attempts Hitomi made to calm me down. Every time I tried to sleep, I would have continuous nightmares and wake up. Then the cycle would continue. Even though I was eating, due to my lack of sleep, I just didn't have the energy to do relatively anything. I didn't have the attention span for chakra control exercises, and I was just...tired.

No matter how much I begged Hitomi to allow me to do _something_ to rid myself of pent-up stress, she wouldn't budge. She would say the same three words as usual, and that would be the end of that. Whenever I tried to leave, someone stopped me. Whenever I tried to do something in the room, she would stop me. I, quite literally, had someone monitoring me twenty-four-seven. Certainly, I had the illusion of privacy, but I was hardly fooled by that nonsense.

The door slid open as Hitomi came in, her face as blank as it normally was whenever she saw me these days – as far as I could remember anyway. She sat down next to me, gently pushing my chin up as she took to a look at me clinically.

"Mouth, please," she demanded softly, and, like many times before, I opened it up to its limits.

Hitomi then turned her gaze to my eyes, tenderly pulling down each lower eyelid as she performed her usual inspection. Then came my hands, arms, legs, stomach, back, head... The woman didn't leave anything to chance anymore, and as far as I recall, had been none too pleased by my latest training endeavor. To be fair, though, I didn't think the chopsticks would actually pierce the skin as well as they had. It only showed how poor my chakra reserves were. I couldn't sleep, so they couldn't replenish fully. Staying awake for so long continually taxed them further, and it was just a terribly repetitive cycle. I was tired of it. I was tired, period.

"Please, can I train today? Can I please do something today? Please?" I begged for the hundredth time.

Hitomi didn't even glance at me as she said her usual few words: "In due time."

"Please," I tried again, pushing myself onto my knees when all the strength left within me. "I can't take sitting down doing nothing. At least let me outside, please."

"In due time."

A spark of irritation, as bright as I'd ever felt it, lit up in my mind, and I stood up to my full height, my fists clenched tightly. She was acting just like those people who'd locked me up in that...that _prison_. She was acting like I was a liability, like an invalid. Why was I effectively being trapped in this room in a compound that wasn't my own? Why couldn't she just _see_ and _let me go_?

TraiNTRainINgTrAInTraiNINg... I had to _I'msOtiReDwHyWOn'T_ train...

"Why won't you let... I have to... _Let me train, damn you_!" I shouted.

Hitomi turned to slowly look back at me, her eyes sharply taking in my quivering form. I saw them narrow slightly, and in an instant, I suddenly remembered just who I was yelling at. Like I'd been hit by a wave of cold water, I froze where I stood and forced my gaze down away from her. Forcibly unclenching my fists, I backed away.

TraaaaaaINTrAIn _IjuSTWanTtoTraInandWHywon't –_

I clutched at my head again. I had to keep it together. I had to stay focused. I had to...

"I'm sorry," I finally murmured. "Please forgive my slight."

"As you wish," she replied quietly before the door slid open and I heard her leave.

Falling back down to my knees, I slammed my fists on the floor. I couldn't deal with this anymore!

* * *

"Please, may I? Please? I can't take this anymore."

"In due time."

It had been a couple of days since my outburst and aside of the occasional firm glances she gave me, Hitomi treated me no differently than before. She silently stitched fabric together as I sat on my futon and watched her.

"Please? Just, can't I even go outside?" I whined, my eye twitching right before I clapped my hand over it.

 _InEEdtoJuSTwhyCan'TIJUstIHAveToTrAiNSOMethINg –_

"In due time," she responded, the same as ever.

Hitomi was irritatingly patient and calm. She pushed away my pleas with ease. It was an endless struggle for me to stay calm when she shut me down so quickly, as if I didn't ask the same question every time I saw her. It was hard for me to accept that she could be so kind with how she treated me and yet keep me like a, a...

 _"That's why you're here, isn't it?"_

My hands flew up to clutch at my head.

I saw the hauntingly happy eyes of the younger Anko from my dream as they were decimated into nothingness, and the darkness that always plagued my dreams came to the forefront of my mind. I fell back onto my futon, curling up into a ball as I held my head tightly. I bit my bottom lip as I tried to force the images away, but lately, they'd become even more stubborn than usual, and they wouldn't leave me alone like they used to.

I was, so, _tired_. Why was there no relief? I just wanted to _TraINTRaiNTRaINTRAInTRAINTRAINTRAIN_ sleep, but I had found no respite anywhere. I was _tired_ of being afraid, I was _tired_ of being haunted, I was _tired_ of losing control of my own damned life, I was just... _tired_. Why couldn't I sleep? Why did I have to keep suffering?

A cool palm touched against my brow and my eyes snapped open to stare at Hitomi who seemed to be monitoring me. Her brow furrowed –

 _Why was she glaring at me? Why was she glaring? WHywaSshEGLArinG?_

She gave me a small, soft smile –

 _Stop taunting me! I don't need your pity! StOPlaUGhIngATmE!_

"Is this better –"

 _"Is that it?"_

I was ready to slap away her hand out of anger when we both turned to see the shouji open, a servant girl at the door with our meals for the evening. Hitomi pulled back away from me as the girl bowed and shuffled forward to set up the tables that would support the dinner plates. I caught the girl's gaze and for a moment, she stiffened, her hand trembling as she set down a bowl of soup. I heard it clink dangerously against the table before she ripped her eyes away from looking at mine. Later, I might wonder what she saw, if I even remembered the fact that it happened at all. I probably wouldn't.

When the servant girl left hurriedly, I stared down blankly at the meal in front of me. To give credit where it was due, the food at the Hyuuga compound was absolutely divine. I hadn't eaten anything this good for a long time. That's not to say my sister and Yugito weren't wonderful cooks, for they certainly were, but they weren't professional chefs. They didn't live for the sake of cooking. I knew very well that I would never taste anything this amazing the second I left the compound, if I ever managed to do so.

The two of us sat in silence, eating the meal presented to us. Awkwardly, I thought that I should at least attempt to make some kind of conversation, but when I considered the topics that I could possibly start, I realized I didn't give a shit about the weather, I didn't give a fuck about what was happening in Konoha, I didn't care about what was happening outside of Konoha, and I damn well didn't give a fuck about A–

My spoon froze where I held it just barely over the soup bowl.

I didn't care about Anko? _I_ didn't _care_ about my _sister_? Bullshit. _Bullshit_.

What the hell was wrong with me?

"What's happening to me?" I asked myself, almost awed by my state of mind.

I almost wished I weren't lucid. If I hadn't been, I wouldn't question my mentality, my existence. I wouldn't question things that should've been obvious, and if I hadn't been _trapped_ like an _animal_ , then I wouldn't have to, and it was _all HER fault_.

I couldn't hold back my glare as I looked at Hitomi who was peering at me with calculated interest. My grip on my spoon grew tighter. Was I that interesting a specimen? Are you having fun with your little pet rat? Your little experiment? Was I that _ENteRtAInInG_?

No, get a fucking _grip_ on yourself. Hitomi isn't your enemy. She isn't. She's trying to help.

Then why does she smirk at me?

She isn't. She's trying to smile to calm you down.

She's _glaring_ at me!

She's worried about you.

I'm just her little plaything! Her little... _toy_!

She has better things to do than play with you.

I held a hand to my head again, actively forcing my body to relax, although it wasn't actually working as I'd like it to. Hitomi wasn't my enemy. She wasn't. I had to remember why I was here, but... I couldn't... Why _was_ I here? Was there something wrong with me? I couldn't... _Why was I here_?

"Are you all right, Hotaru-chan? Can you not eat?" Hitomi asked me, the smirk growing wider as she peered condescendingly at me.

 _No_! She's just worried. She is not my enemy. She's, _no_. If I could just... I needed an outlet and Iwasgoing _CrAzyBuTwhAtElSEcouLDIdOanD STOP SMIRKING AT ME_!

"Please," I begged once again, pushing my irrational irritation to the back where I couldn't touch it any further. "Please, just can I... I, I want to... Let me train..."

"In due time," she repeated as firmly as ever, and I could feel the threads of my patience tearing away.

Then, just as I was calming myself down, she said,

"You aren't ready for pushing yourself yet."

Translation: "You're weak. You aren't worth training."

I was not weak. I was not _weak_. I wasn't _WEAK_!

Fuck you! FUCK YOU! _FUCK YOU!_

I was on my feet immediately, my hand slamming against the cup of soup and sending it crashing against the wall, its contents splashing against both the wall and tatami flooring. My foot crashed down on the table and went straight through it as I grabbed a chopstick and _pulled_ whatever leftover chakra I had remaining away from my core and towards my right hand.

"Stop _TAUNTING_ me!" I yelled, and Hitomi's eyes narrowed. For a minute, I thought I'd almost seen a glint of satisfaction in them and it ticked me off more. Was this _funny_ to her? What, had I met her _expectations_?

"Stop holding me back!" I continued yelling as I rushed her.

Hitomi was on her feet faster than I could see, and she blocked my resulting punch. I swirled around and leapt up for a high kick before slashing at her with my makeshift weapon. The Hyuuga matron lightly pushed my punch downwards as her foot swept against mine and knocked me down to the ground. I rolled away, picking up a piece of shattered china as threw it at her like a shuriken, only for her catch it between two fingers and let it fall to the ground harmlessly.

"I'm not some experimental animal for you to play with! _Train me, damn you_!"

I forewent the chopstick and instead fell back on taijutsu, pushing my body harder than I had in weeks. Hitomi sidestepped, evaded, avoided, and parried each and every single blow I attempted to land on her, her eyes focused solely on mine the entire time. I met her gaze unflinchingly.

"I'm not _weak_! _I'm not WEAK_!"

Then, with an ease I hadn't even seen from my sister, she caught my both of my wrists, holding them with a vice grip as she looked seriously into my eyes. Her pale orbs searched mine for something I couldn't understand and she took in a short breath.

"No, you are not. You never have been," she agreed, and nothing in my mind could refute the fact that she sounded completely sincere in that one moment. The eight words snapped me out of my angry haze and slowly breathed in as my widened eyes stared at her like I'd never seen her before.

"I..."

Hitomi let me go and I stumbled back a couple of steps. I felt like my mind was suddenly clearer than it had been for ages and I looked at the mess I had made within the room. The wall and tatami looked disastrous and the table would never hold anything on it ever again. A feeling of shame fell over me. I hadn't wanted this, I hadn't wanted to be the source of...

 _I'mSoTIredIWanTToSlEEpanDTRAinandWHy –_

I held my hand to my head. "What... What is wrong with me?"

I looked over at the woman who looked back at me blankly, emotionlessly.

"I can't..." I started before shaking my head. "I... This, I can't let this go on. I don't... I don't even, I can't tell what's... I just... I'm so _tired_ and..."

My bottom lip began to quiver and I was starting to breathe more harshly. What... What was wrong with me? Why now, after all of this time? I just...

"I'm tired," I murmured, my voice wobbling as I sank down to my knees, and then forward onto my forearms. I could feel myself breaking down and my fists trembled. I wanted relief, I wanted... I _hated_ this. What the hell was _wrong with me_?

I... I needed help. I couldn't do this on my own. I couldn't, I didn't know what had to be done. I just, I wanted to be healed, to be fixed. I needed, I _desperately_ needed to...

A hand touched my shoulder as her other tenderly lifted my chin. I stared at Hitomi as she frowned softly.

"Will you let me help you?"

My eyes widened. I... _Help_. She said she'd _help_ me.

My hands reached for her and soon, I was grasping tightly at her kimono, my head buried into her chest as tears fell down my cheeks.

"I'm tired!" I sobbed. "I don't want this anymore. I can't stand this!"

"I know," she told me softly. "We will take care of this. I promise you."

I couldn't help but ask how, and Hitomi looked at me with the gentlest, most reassuring smile.

* * *

Kurenai's red eyes were narrowed, her mouth drawn tightly as she grimly looked at me. She sat across from me in seiza style, her hands clenched into fists as she listened to Hitomi explain my situation. The latter then turned to me, her pale eyes taking in every part of my disheveled appearance. I took in a shuddering breath, my head bobbing as I tried to stay awake despite my exhaustion. I had no idea of what I must have looked like to either woman, but I wasn't much in the mood to care, either. Kurenai frowned more deeply, but never took her eyes off of me.

"I only recently returned to the village and was not even aware Hotaru-chan was alive. How long has she been having these nightmares?"

Hitomi turned her gaze onto me as well, seeming just as serious. "According to Yamanaka-sama's letter and what Mitarashi-san stated, this has been an ongoing issue since she was released from her false imprisonment after successfully accomplishing her mission. They weren't anything debilitating at first, and Hotaru-chan was apparently able to sleep through the night without it affecting her daily life, but a few weeks ago, after waking up from a coma and being forced to rest for some time, she suffered a breakdown. Yamanaka-sama believes that due to the lull in her lifestyle, the events of her mission have finally caught up with her then current state of mind, resulting in a slow and gradual breakdown, and consequently, I must say I agree.

"Hotaru-chan had a tendency to use training as a crutch that would force her to ignore certain actions she's taken or dealt with and bury her more terrible memories in the back of her mind. This would be fine, but there seem to be specific key phrases that synchronize with those past experiences, forcing her to acknowledge incidents at unfortunate times."

I frowned, merely taking in a breath. Kurenai nodded slowly.

"I see," the red-eyed woman said thoughtfully. She addressed me next. "Hotaru-chan, what was the initial cause for your first breakdown when you were with Anko-chan?"

Narrowing my eyes, I tried to remember back that far, but it was hard. "I –, I'm not quite sure. She was mad at me for something, because I wanted to train, even though I'd been in a coma, I guess. She made me feel like I'd done something wrong and I –"

 _I've done nothing wrong..._

I flinched back and slapped a hand to my head as I struggled to push back the memory.

"I just keep flashing back to...to that, that place, that, _prison_ ," I finished, my voice little more than a whisper.

Kurenai nodded. "Hotaru-chan, what are these flashbacks of yours?"

"I don't recognize them until they happen," I replied, my hand still holding my head. "They... Some are about the prison, and some are from when I was with Yugito, but mostly the former, I guess?"

"What of your nightmares, then?"

At this, I hesitated. I didn't _want_ to remember them. I didn't _want_ to remember how my sister, both her older and younger self, died for me time and time again. I didn't want to remember that darkness that seemed to engulf me every time...

"Hotaru-chan," Kurenai started, gaining my attention quickly. "I know you're scared. You have every right to be. But, I cannot properly make a genjutsu that will help you if you do not tell me, in detail, of what it is you are facing. Both Hyuuga-sama and I want you to recover and I despise seeing you like this. I despise seeing Anko-chan the way she currently is."

That caught my attention quickly. "My sister? What's wrong with her?"

My sister's friend suddenly looked very uncomfortable, and her frown deepened slightly. She turned her gaze away from me, giving Hitomi an expression that I couldn't read very well at current. Whatever she'd wanted to say, Hitomi grasped the meaning quickly and she gave me a small smile.

"Hotaru-chan, I will leave you and Yuuhi-san to your conversation. I must see to my child."

I didn't have time to say anything in return because within a second, Hitomi was out of the door and gone. I slowly turned back around to look at Kurenai, whose face had darkened greatly. I furrowed my brow out of confusion, and then shook my head to hold my exhaustion at bay. I wasn't going to last long, and Kurenai had noticed.

"Hotaru-chan," Kurenai began softly. "I'm not even sure how to go about explaining this. To put it bluntly, your sister did not take your 'death' well whatsoever. Not knowing what was going on after the explosions had been dealt with, when I heard a knock at my apartment door and saw Anko-chan standing outside, her eyes wide as she breathed in and out heavily, I remember my chest constricting. I hadn't had a clue of what could have happened to make my friend look so panicked and concerned, but I had never been prepared to hear that you had disappeared. Anko had searched across the entire village before coming to me, hoping that I might know what had happened.

"Together, we went to Yamanaka-sama's house and asked him, but he hadn't known anything either. Then we went to the Hyuuga, and every other place you might've been. We finally attempted to speak with Hokage-sama, but he was unreachable at the time. I recall telling Anko-chan to not give up hope, that we would find you soon. You'd probably just gotten yourself in trouble, like usual."

Kurenai paused, giving me a half-hearted smile before it fell away. "I was there with her though, when your jounin sensei came to her door and informed her of her loss. Hotaru-chan, never in my life had I ever seen someone look so thoroughly defeated and lost. Long after Nara-sama had left, Anko-chan just...stood there, staring into space. She didn't move. I had to guide her back to the couch, and even then, she still didn't move. I hardly even saw her blink. The first few weeks, I practically moved in with her to make sure she kept eating, and that she slept accordingly. She didn't go to work. She didn't take any missions. Anko-chan just...didn't do _anything_."

The woman in front of me slid a hand down her face as she stared down at the tatami pensively. "I was beside myself with worry. Anko-chan didn't – _doesn't_ , have many friends to count on, and there was no one I could ask to take care of her when I was assigned missions. A month and a half after your, after you, well, began your mission, I received one of my own and was forced to leave Konoha for some time. When I came back a couple of weeks later, Anko had _changed_.

"Her smiles were colder and not at all genuine. Her expression was completely closed off to everyone. She had taken to haunting the bars, drowning her misery with alcohol. Anko-chan had begun working again, but she put everything into it, every single part of her. As the weeks went by, I began hearing rumors about her here and there concerning her... _activities_. Things that she never would have allowed when you were around were suddenly not as questionable to her. Men appealed to her, and I was incapable of curbing her new lifestyle. Her manner of dress changed bit by bit. She asked for harder missions. She pushed herself so hard, _too_ hard.

"Then, out of the blue, she visited me one day, a cold smile on her face as we attempted to hold a normal conversation. Anko-chan informed me she would be trying out for a position in...ah, well..."

"ANBU," I finished for her. "She's in ANBU. I know. We met randomly while we were both on a mission. Neither of us recognized the other until she nearly killed me."

Kurenai winced at that before muttering, "I'm sure that did wonders for her guilt complex..."

She shook her head. "The point is, Anko-chan carried a very significant amount of guilt when she realized that she hadn't understood some message of yours, that she could have prevented everything if she had been more aware, which is nothing short of preposterous, in my opinion."

I tilted my head, somewhat confused. Kurenai sighed.

"Regardless of whether she had known or not, she couldn't have aborted or canceled your mission," the woman explained. "True, she would have at least known that you weren't dead, and that would have saved everyone a giant headache and all that worry, but it wouldn't have solved all of our problems. Your current condition would have happened no matter whether she had known or not and it is absolutely _ridiculous_ to feel guilty over that. Either way, Anko-chan isn't the same as she was before, and you will need to keep that in mind when you see her again. I heard that she was trying to prevent you from pushing yourself?"

When I nodded, Kurenai shook her head again. "Of course she was. And she will forevermore, I'm sure. Your current task though is getting better and being there for her so that she doesn't have to rely on more questionable methods to make herself feel whole again. Understand?"

I narrowed my eyes. "Is that an order?"

She only smiled. "Sure."

All right. Kurenai was still a bitch. Nice to know some things never changed. Lucidity had its moments.

"Now," the raven-haired woman said, changing the subject, "about those nightmares. Tell me everything."

It frustrated me that I had been the cause of my sisters distress. If I'd just been smarter and stronger...

 _I've done nothing wrong..._

Flinching back, I held my head in my hands for a few moments. Then, slowly, I looked up to se Kurenai waiting patiently. My mouth opened a bit before clicking closed. Taking a deep breath, I finally latched onto a bit of strength. I then began to tell her about every single aspect of every dream I'd had. Kurenai sat silently, looking somewhat pained at certain parts. She closed her eyes before her hands came up into a seal.

"This will be a bit of a challenge," she admitted softly. "I can't guarantee everything will go well. Do you still wish to proceed?"

I couldn't take this. I had to get stronger – _I'MnoTWeAkIjUStCaN'T_ – for Anko's sake, as well as mine. I cleared my throat and faced Kurenai head on.

"I'm ready."

Kurenai nodded once and the small room disappeared from my vision.

I stood up slowly, feeling like so much _shit_. When I heard the sound of footsteps behind me, I frowned, my hands immediately reaching for kunai that were...suddenly there. I stared at the weapon with utter bewilderment and the person in front of me chuckled.

"Can you get out of _this_ sticky situation, I wonder?"

Nara Shikaku smirked down at me, amusement dancing in his eyes. A second Shikaku came out from the shadows as well, and then a third. Each one stared at me.

"Are you ready for this?"

No, I really fucking wasn't.

* * *

Haaaaaaaaai, Shikaku! And damn it, I HATE anesthesia. I hate it, because I can feel the pressure of someone digging into my gum or whatever, and I can see the scalpel, but there's just...nothing. And frankly, have you guys seen that vid of that crazy dentist who operated on people without using anesthetic and pulled out all of these teeth that weren't impaired at all? Hearing that child _scream_ out in fucking OBVIOUS pain (she was fucking STRAPPED down, by the way. This story is months old, but it still pisses me the hell off.


	33. Chapter 33

Eh. Meh. Whatever. Merry/Happy Christmas and Happy Holidays and all that shit. Dunno if I'll update again before then, so, enjoy.

Guest review:

Jenn: She's very no-nonsense. :)

* * *

Facing one's fears was probably one of the most simplest, and yet, challenging methods in over to eventually overcome and surpass them. It proved to oneself that he or she was capable of being more, and was not ruled by anything other than his or her own choosing, and that something as irrational as emotion could be wouldn't be the deciding factor in walking forward and maturing further. Facing one's fears was the embodiment of growing up and figuring out who one truly was. It was a rite of passage for everyone to take – it just so happened to be a rite that could take place several times over, for the most menial reasons. It was a way to become stronger, more able, more wise, and far more disciplined. It was something every single person on Earth was forced to suffer through and resolve through one manner or another. It was proof that one was alive.

Despite knowing all of this though, I couldn't honestly say that I was really feeling like this really _needed_ to happen. I knew it did, because I'd definitely go insane otherwise and would probably end up killing myself for real, but, seeing all three of them standing there in front of me just made me want to keep running away. Maybe if I ran fast enough, and far enough, I could leave all of it behind.

I unwillingly thought back to my sister and all the trouble I had caused her in my absence and how much trouble I was probably causing her now. Then, there was the Hyuuga clan that was left to deal with my idiocy and weakness. Now, there was also Kurenai who was taking time out of her busy schedule to deal with me, even though she probably didn't want to.

The guilt was almost as strong as my sense of fear.

If I didn't face my fears, then I couldn't assuage my guilt.

But I was afraid that even if I did conquer my issues, that my guilt wouldn't alleviate, and that only made me even more frightened. I didn't want to deal with this, but it wasn't like I really had a choice. Oh sure, I could just keep running, but that wasn't a real choice. It was just me acting upon a primal desire in accordance to the fight-or-flight mechanism. I was ready as hell to fight for the sake of my sister, and all the others I considered to be close to me (which, to be truthful, was rather limited in number), but the moment it came to fighting for the sake of myself...

I didn't want to. I would be better off dead. And, if I didn't have a goal that I'd like to see reached, I'd just try to find a way to off myself eventually. I still had those chopsticks.

That was a headline in the making: Death by Chopsticks.

I let loose the slightest of chuckles, to ease the tension that lined my muscles. Cracking my neck, I lifted my gaze slowly to glare at the three copies of the man who had been the instigator for the entire past year and then some. The one directly in front of me let loose an almost evil smirk that ground my gears to the point where my fingers gripped around my lone kunai.

The center Shikaku grinned with obvious amusement. He tilted his head.

"So, now what, Mitarashi? Are you here to take my head? That's not very noble of you, to seek the life of a fellow shinobi. But, what else could I expect from a rookie like you?"

I stiffened from the insult. "You made my life a living hell. You could've chosen someone older to infiltrate, someone with actual training in the art, and yet you sent _me_ out, an obvious greenhorn. I had no idea of what I was getting into, and there was no one to help me once Kenichi was gone!"

Shikaku shrugged. "And this is my fault...how? As far as I'm aware, you graduated from the academy with the understanding that you would be entering war. What did you think war would be, a walk through a park with flowers to stop and smell? Get over yourself. What makes you any more important than all of the other shinobi out there?"

"Screw you," I growled, holding up my kunai. "I was _six_ when I first started that mission. Hell, you could've sent in the kids that were literally twice my age to deal with the matter, yet you sent me. Were you that eager to get rid of me?"

He frowned alongside of his clones. "Oh? So you would have rather I sent someone older than you, despite them being around the same combat level as you? Yes, I suppose sacrificing others as opposed to yourself holds more promise."

I ground my teeth as I glared more fiercely at him. "Stop making me out to be some kind of bad guy here!"

"Right," he drawled before rubbing the back of his head. "If I'd known being a teacher to a brat like you would've been like this, I would've told Hokage-sama 'no' from the start. What a pain."

I tensed further and he looked at me more seriously. "So, how about we break this down, hmm? You don't want to have been sent out because you're too young and know nothing, but it's entirely okay for others in the same boat to be pushed into that situation? Then, wait, no, you don't want to sacrifice others and have them suffer in your place because that would be wrong as well. It's hard to believe how ridiculously selfish you are. You can't have it both ways, kid."

"Do you have any idea of the _hell_ and _shit_ I went through just to make it back alive?" I argued angrily. "You can't infiltrate without even the slightest of training! I was scared shitless when I was found out by Yugito! I would've died without knowing exactly where I went wrong! You could've at least attempted to train me, give me _some_ kind of advice to work with instead of leaving me to flounder and feel like I was left in enemy territory without an ally to call by name! I felt like my life was meaningless, like I'd been left for dead!"

Yes, that was a fear that had burned brightly within my mind and chest: the fear that everything I had done had ultimately been meaningless because no one had thought to tell me otherwise. Had it been my fate to be left alone without any sign or understanding of where to go next? Had I really just been a tool, not even thought of as a lesser person? When I first walked along the streets of Kumogakure, I had questioned numerously over whether I could pull off my mission with success. I walked on eggshells, wary of the simplest things, of the slightest noises. Could they see through my disguise? Did they walk differently in Kumo? What about the accents? Did I talk funny? What about the culture? Was I mingling properly, speaking correctly, bowing appropriately?

I had been so afraid, and for them to just...leave me there, without any way to get in touch with any kind of familiarity, hurt me incredibly. I'd at first figured I just needed to be strong, to be better, but as the days went on, I kept doubting each step I took, each word I spoke, each movement I made.

I never spoke like a child, and how could I? I technically wasn't one – I didn't know how to truly interact with children. I often worried that I would be ostracized for my strange behavior, that just one day, someday, someone would figure out that I didn't belong. I fretted over the simplest things. How much did normal seven-year-olds know as far as classes were concerned? What about when I went home? Would it be strange for me to buy certain goods at the store? My palate was so different from most of those in Kumo – would that have shown with what I bought?

I raised a trembling hand to my face. I... I had been so afraid of messing up, of doing something wrong. He'd sent a deer summon to me so late in the game – why couldn't he have done that before? All it would've taken was a few words of encouragement, or something to say how the then current situation had been. I mean, I knew – I _knew_ that he was the Jounin Commander. I knew that he was busy. I knew that, but I'd had _no one_. When I'd realized that I had begun trusting Yugito because she was the only sign of _safety_ because no signs were offered from my own village, I'd wondered why my life was so messed up that I'd had to rely solely on an enemy to keep me grounded, stabilized. I hated that I relied on that weakness, but I hated that my own village wouldn't give me any solid source of support. Had I been shafted?

I bit my lip, feeling the fear wash over me even more. When I looked up, I was dismayed to see two more copies of Shikaku pop up and smirk at me in the exact same manner.

"What's your point?" my jounin sensei asked me, sounding bored. "What makes you so special? You're young, so we have to hold your hand until you get your bearings? The moment you received that forehead protector, you became an adult in the eyes of every shinobi in the village. It is proof that you are capable enough to follow orders and do as is necessary. Yet, you want us to shield you from the bad things? You want us to pave the way so you don't walk onto anything sharp that will hurt you? I'm sorry, but I don't know what fantasy world you came from that makes you think that makes any sense."

"What I wanted was to know that what I was doing actually held meaning!" I shouted with mounting frustration. "Don't you get how _scared_ I was? Is it so wrong to hope for direction, guidance? You're supposed to be my teacher, but you didn't teach me a goddamned thing!"

He tilted his head slightly, his dark eyes pensive as he studied me.

"You think you were afraid?" he murmured, his tone carrying a dangerous lilt to it. "You brat, you don't know the first thing about fear. I'll show you what _true_ fear is."

Shikaku's shadow flew towards me at a speed I couldn't hope to evade, and the moment it touched my own, I found myself frozen. He opened his hand easily and my right hand mimicked his, my lone kunai falling from my grasp and clinging onto the floor. My eyes barely widened before one of his clones dashed forward and slammed a kick straight into my stomach, making my breath whoosh out as I struggled to breathe in even the slightest bit of air. The clone then kicked my feet out from under me and smashed a fist into my chest, sending me crashing onto the ground. Pain clouded my mind and I didn't even feel him grab a hold of my ankle before I was sent flying right at the original, only to see him flick a kunai straight at my –

I was heavily disoriented when I suddenly appeared in my previous spot a good distance away from the original Shikaku, with his four clones looking as if they had never moved in the first place. My hands trembled and I couldn't stop my lower lip from quivering as I stared with complete confusion at what had just happened. I met his gaze, anxiety swirling in my very core as I saw his cold, calculating eyes. He lifted an eyebrow.

"Afraid yet?"

The two words sent another stab of fear into me and I watched with horror as another few clones swirled into existence. I backed up a step, and another few appeared. Yet another step yielded yet a few more. At seeing thirteen Shikakus in front of me, I felt my legs lose strength, and it took everything in me to stay standing.

Five more Shikaku appeared, and I inwardly asked myself why.

"I never wanted this," I whispered.

"You little fool," the original Shikaku muttered. "Who was the one who voted for attending the advanced classes? Who assured Anko that she would be fine and that she could take on whatever came her way? Who went through life happily, despite knowing that something terrible would happen, no matter what? Wasn't that you? I think it was."

"You're wrong!" I murmured softly, shaking my head. "I was ready for the responsibilities I would deal with, but I just thought that –"

"What you thought was that this would be like before, before everything here. You thought you could come here and live as easily and freely as before. You thought you'd be fine. You never once thought of this as reality."

"No, I knew it was –"

Shikaku chuckled. "No. Blame me all you like. Blame me for your sufferings, for your worry, for your inability to adapt, but know that you're just attaching that dreaded guilt to me because it's easier to sacrifice someone else in order to keep yourself pure. Isn't that right?"

I shook my head. "No..."

He and his clones took a step towards me. "Oh, yes. You want a perfect little world where even if you mess up, even if things feel like the worst for you, something nice and happy will come out of it. You don't want to suffer. You don't want to feel pain. You just want an easy, free life without concern where you can daydream that you're actually doing something of worth."

They were walking towards me now without any hesitation whatsoever, and every step back I took from them spawned more and more clones that seemed to stare at me and see straight through me. Even when I shook my head in denial, they still continued coming.

"You're wrong," I repeated, mostly to myself. "You're wrong, you are! I never..."

From the moment I'd regained my memories, I knew that my life in this world would never be simple or easy. I mean, I _knew_ that I wasn't a major character and that most things that would happen would deal with Naruto and his peers, but I'd never considered myself immune to whatever might happen. I'd known there would be sufferance, that there would be hopelessness, desperation. I'd wanted to grow stronger, to be better – not just for myself, but my sister. I'd wanted to prove that there was meaning in my existence in this alternate universe, that I wasn't living a mistake.

I closed my eyes as the horde of Shikaku approached me bit by bit.

Maybe I was a mistake? Maybe it didn't actually matter whether I lived or died?

The thought scared me more than I thought it did. If there was no meaning to my existence, what did that mean for those who actually cared about me? Had they wasted effort on a nonentity, something that would disappear given enough time? What happened to them?

I didn't want whatever they'd done for me to prove to be a waste. I didn't want to let them down. I wanted to be stronger. That was why I'd chosen this path.

I opened my eyes to glare at Shikaku who reached out and grabbed my shirt.

"Are you afraid yet?" he asked softly, condescendingly.

"No," I whispered, disturbed that I couldn't say the word more convincingly.

"Let's fix that, shall we?"

The kunai sunk into my thigh before I could even speak another word, and the pain flashed its way up towards my mind as I screamed out and fell to my knees. The next kunai struck my arm, and I reached up to support it, to lessen the pain.

 _Ithurtithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithurts..._

One clone picked me up and threw me into the air. I grimaced, still holding onto my arm before flames licked at my skin, making me scream bloody murder as I was surrounding by flames as hot as the sun that threatened to burn me alive –

Disorientation followed as I once again found myself standing in my original spot, with the entire horde of Shikakus standing in front of me. They eyed me curiously as if they had all found a new toy before they began to run at me.

"No! Stay away!" I yelled out, even as several shadows touched against mine. "Let me go! Stay away from me!"

A kunai slid into my back, and I couldn't even double over as another piercing scream left my lips. My eyes watered as another piece of metal hit my stomach, and another to my foot. The only thing keeping me standing was the fact that I was trapped by the man's shadow technique.

 _Ithurtithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithurts..._

 _ItHURtsIThuRTsItHURTsiThURtsitHURTs..._

 _ITHURTSITHURTITHURTSITHURTS..._

 _I'mscaredI'mscaredI'mscaredI'mscared..._

 _MaKEitSTOpmAkEITsTopmAKeItSTOp..._

 _ITHURTSITHURTITHURTSITHURTS..._

As the shadows spiraled up my legs and approached my neck, I could barely feel the trail of a tear as it fell down my cheek right as my throat was squeezed tightly and –

I fell to my knees, gasping for air as my hands immediately rose to touch my neck. My teeth chattered as I stared up at the horde, fear blinding me to any other options available to me aside of running. I couldn't run, because more would appear. And if I fought, I would die.

The original Shikaku frowned at me.

"Afraid yet?"

I felt a shudder ripple through my body at those words and my hands trembled ridiculously. Was I afraid?

"Yes..." I gasped out, the tears flowing more easily now. "Please stop this... Leave me alone, go away..."

He sneered. "How heavily the mighty fall. Your weakness makes me sick. Always playing the victim... Allow me to end your pitiful existence for you."

I bent my head down, ready to accept that no matter what I did, it wouldn't be enough. I was...weak. I was...pathetic. I couldn't... How could I look Anko or Yugito in the eyes knowing that I couldn't match up to their expectations? My death was well-deserved.

The shadows swirled around me again, and as they reached up to my neck, I closed my eyes. I felt them begin to squeeze and then –

Suddenly, the shadows dissipated and the horde shifted back as someone appeared right in front of me, her raven tresses sweeping slightly as if she had rushed here. I blankly gazed up at the woman in front of me, and she turned her gaze around slowly until she was looking at me from the corners of her eyes.

"Wh-who are you?" I asked in little more than a whisper.

Her eyes narrowed and she faced forward completely again. "Get up, Hotaru. This isn't over yet."

"It's over," I muttered. "He's right. I'm weak. I've got nothing left..."

She was silent for a little while before calmly saying, "Get up. You are many things, but 'weak' has never once crossed my mind as one of them. You are not finished here. Get up."

"But I can't..."

She turned completely to glare down at me. "You aren't done yet. Get, _up_!"

Her hand reached to grasp my arm and she pulled me to my feet with little resistance. Bringing me to her side, she glared at the enemy in front of the both of us. I wondered why she was helping me.

"Hotaru, listen to me," she said in a no-nonsense tone. "Remember where you are. This is a genjutsu. This isn't reality. You are only as strong as you allow yourself, or as weak. Right now, you are facing your fear in a 'corporeal' form, but he, _it_ , is only a fear – a fear you must conquer. You are not weak. You are not pathetic. You have suffered and no one can tell you otherwise. Do not let this defeat you. You are better than this."

I tried to shift back, but her grip was unyielding. "But, he..."

"He isn't real!" she reaffirmed. "You have things yet to do. Is this how you want things to go? Face your fear. Show it that it is you who is in charge, not an irrational concept such as itself."

"But, I can't fight," I argued pitifully. "Just _look_ at all of them."

"How would you like to defeat him?" she asked me, gently, softly. "You can, you know. You can do anything you put your mind to."

"But, what if I..."

"No buts! How will you defeat him? I will be here, guiding you. You are not alone."

I blinked at this and looked at her with a new light. As I continued to stare, she looked down at me with a small, comforting smile.

"Who... _are_ you?"

She chuckled some. "My name is Yuuhi Kurenai, though I believe we've met before."

Yuuhi...Kure–

A flood of memories slammed into my mind and shook my head as I recalled exactly why I was here, and how I came to be here, and I suddenly felt very, very stupid.

"Ah, damn it," I muttered, rubbing my forehead. "This is embarrassing."

"Hardly," Kurenai said, still smiling. "Fears can be very powerful, just as yours seem to be."

"Yeah, but still," I murmured, glaring at Shikaku. "All right. How do I defeat it? My fear, I mean?"

"That would depend on how you normally tackle everyday problems. Just remember, this is not reality. Allow it to bend to your will."

Right, of course. I held out a hand, desiring a weapon to defeat my foe, and was somewhat gratified to see a kunai appear in it. I frowned, looking down at my lifeline as if I couldn't believe that what I was seeing was real. Of course, it wasn't, but it made me feel more secure, more able, more powerful... Stronger.

I was _not_ weak, and it was damned time to prove it.

"Looks like it's high time for a confrontation," I said softly, squaring my shoulders as I walked forward.

"I'll be here if you need me," Kurenai told me from behind, and my feet drifted to a stop.

I didn't bother looking back at her, instead closing my eyes for a moment before reopening them again.

"Yeah," I replied. "And...thanks."

I walked forward with purpose before coming to the same spot where everything had started. Shikaku was still smirking.

"Still afraid?"

I shrugged, slowly falling into a fighting stance. "Hell yes. But did no one tell you that I know how to hold a fucking grudge? It's time for you to kindly fuck off, asshole."

Shikaku outright laughed at that. "So, you think you're ready to go against all of us? You've been running for so long – do you even know how to fight anymore?"

"Couldn't say," I responded, another kunai flashing into my left hand. "Guess we'll find out."

As soon as the last word was out of my mouth, I _charged_. The ground raced beneath me as I sped forward. Shadows whipped forward across the ground, but I instead jumped straight up into the air, both of my kunai going into my left hand as I concentrated chakra into the first two fingers on my right hand. The chakra turned a deep, dense yellow as it crackled and popped before I shouted,

"Raiton: _Tezzuna_!"

The whip of blitzing, lightning chakra flew from my fingers and swung around a swarm of Shikakus, each one popping out of existence as the lightning touched them. My gaze flew around to look behind me as I felt a chakra signature appear there. I crossed my arms over my chest as a buffer as the clone threw a haymaker at me, and barely managed to cushion my fall with chakra before bouncing off as shadows tried to cut off my escape routes. I narrowed my eyes as I pushed more chakra into my right hand, condensing it more and more and more until it chirped and sparked, the chakra turning a pale blue as it pushed the shadows away with its intense light.

"Seals...release!" I muttered before sprinting forward, my right hand holding a seal of death within it.

The first clone I hit poofed away and I charged straight through another, and another, and more and more after that before the chakra finally dissipated entirely. More of the clones came at me and I flew through more hand seals before cupping my mouth and shouting,

"Katon: Goukyaku no Jutsu!"

The giant fireball smashed against all of the clones that tried to get near me, cleaving a path with fiery passion. Sweat beaded on my forehand as I didn't let myself settle and I quickly dashed off.

"You think this will solve everything?" the original Shikaku said in a low tone, although I could hear him as clear as day. "You're only delaying the inevitable."

"I'm fighting to make sure that inevitable doesn't come to be!"

I ducked and twisted away from more assaults and flipped backwards, kunai immediately in my hand.

"You're weak. What good do you think this will do you?"

"I am _not_ weak!" I growled out, throwing out my weapons and popping a couple of clones. Two more kunai appeared in my grasp, and I let out a quick exhale before jumping off again.

Shikaku chortled. "Are you sure about that? You can't even do anything without running to your sister or her friends for help. Little girls like you should stay home in their rooms, away from the real world."

"Pfft, I'll just get strong enough where I don't have to rely on her and that _she_ will be able to count on _me_ ," I argued, blocking a blow from one clone before twirling around slamming a kick into its solar plexus. "I'll never let Anko hurt like that ever again!"

"Who will you sacrifice this time for that to become a reality?"

The question made me hesitate, and the kick to my jaw that sent me reeling back made me regret losing my focus. A kunai slid into my right calf, and I swallowed a yell of agony before pushing away using my other leg. I pulled out the kunai and threw it straight back at my assailant, watching with grim satisfaction as it poofed out of existence.

"Why should I have to sacrifice anyone?" I questioned him – _it_ – in return. "As long as I am willing to put my life on the line for the whatever needs to be done, no one else has to suffer whatsoever. I will push myself as hard as I can to make sure no one else has to feel any pain, leastwise those I love!"

His – _its_ – eyes found mine. "Oh? Quite the martyr, aren't you? But, don't you recall the woman you left behind? Wasn't she a sacrifice?"

An image of Yugito popped into my mind, and I hesitated again. One of the clones caught me and slammed me to the ground.

"What about the little girl you killed? You knew what would happen. Why didn't you save her? Doesn't that make her a sacrifice?"

I winced as I again saw Mizuki's dying expression, one of peacefulness as she knew her mother had died bravely. A kunai slammed into my shoulder, making me cry out.

"What about that woman who you killed just to save your own ass? I'd say she was a victim, too."

A hand pressed my face against the ground, and ripped the kunai from my shoulder before inserting it into my back. I cried out.

 _Ithurtithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithurts..._

Shikaku let out another bark of laughter. "What about your sister? I'd say she was the biggest sacrifice of all. After all she'd done for you, you were still almost willing to leave her behind."

"No!" I yelled out. "I wouldn't ever –"

"Don't lie!" the man snarled. "Not to yourself, and not to _me_!"

 _Ithurtithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithurts..._

 _Ithurtithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithurts..._

 _ItHURtsIThuRTsItHURTsiThURtsitHURTs..._

 _ITHURTSITHURTITHURTSITHURTS..._

I could feel the shadow make its way up to my neck again and...

" _Hotaru_!" someone shouted. "Fight it! You are the master here! Prove it! Don't forfeit yourself to it. Get _up_!"

My eyes flashed open.

I wasn't a goddamned martyr. I'd tried to save Mizuki, but I'd failed. I'd been weak, I'd have to become stronger.

I'd had to kill Itou because I'd needed to save myself. That did not make me weak, that made me aware of the value of my life.

I didn't sacrifice Yugito, she followed her own path, but if she ever needed me, I'd support her again – only, I'd be better, stronger, faster, wiser the next time.

My sister... People don't stick by those who fail them time after time. My sister loved me, unconditionally now. She worked herself to the bone to make sure I'd be okay. She _believed_ in me, so why couldn't I do the same for myself?

I wasn't weak.

I wasn't weak.

 _I wasn't weak!_

With a great force of will, I forced the shadow back down away from my neck, and the moment I had motor movement, I flipped around and killed the clones around me. Flipping away from the remaining horde, – I'd killed about a fourth of them – I flew through seals again and cupped my mouth one last time.

I'm not weak.

I'm _not_ weak.

 _I'M NOT WEAK_!

"Katon: GOUKYAKU NO JUTSU!"

A fireball larger than I had ever before created, than I could even ever create in the real world, burst from my mouth, its enormity plowing through the remaining clones. I heard more poofs in that one moment than I thought I'd ever hear without going near Naruto after he learned his trademark technique.

I stood there bent over, my hands on my knees as I panted from exertion. God, how I wish I could do that in real life.

When the flames died down, I saw one charred, lone figure looking straight at me. His dark eyes stared straight into mine and a kunai was in my hands before I could think otherwise. I pushed against the ground and sped straight towards him. Shikaku didn't even bother to move as my weapon sunk deep into his chest. He looked down at me, a frown on his face.

"Are you afraid?" he asked, almost gently.

"Yes," I admitted. "But, I won't let that hold me back anymore."

"The first step is admittance," he agreed, coughing slightly as a trail of blood traveled down his chin from his mouth. "Just remember that if you forget that promise, I'll be back again to cause you hell."

"Come as often as you need to," I told him. "I'll beat your ass down any day, anytime."

He chuckled softly. "I suppose you _are_ good at getting out of sticky situations."

"Only with help."

He gave me one last smile before slowly crumbling away into sand that eventually faded from sight. The kunai that was in my hand clanged as it hit the ground, and I stared down at it, my shoulders falling a bit.

Although it had been unfair to Nara Shikaku, it was through him that my fear of my weakness being my downfall showed itself and began to grow accordingly. I let the fear fester, thinking it was solely due to him risking my life for perhaps nothing at all. Of course, I was well aware that it wasn't because of him that everything went to shit for me. I hadn't been ready. I'd taken things too lightly, of the opinion that things would fare well in the end, no matter what I did. When I discovered that they wouldn't, I took to adamantly training without stop, because that might make up for the mistakes I'd made. It didn't, but it became a crutch, a lifeline.

I'd feared my weakness, but instead of overcoming it, I allowed it to control my life, to the point where I'd been incapable of doing much else. Shikaku had been the very beginning of that downward spiral, and I had focused on my grudge against him so much that he became an embodiment of that fear.

"I won't forget," I murmured, though I wasn't sure if anyone could actually hear me.

Turning back to the lone individual standing some ways away from me, I allowed myself a small smile.

"We're done here, Kurenai. This fear's been taken care of."

Kurenai gave me a smile before I suddenly found myself back in the room allowed me by the Hyuuga.

I shook my head harshly, trying to reorient myself. I felt a calm settle over me, despite the fact that there were still a few more things I needed to confront before I'd be okay again. I looked up at Kurenai and flinched.

Her ruby-red eyes sought my gaze as sweat poured down her face and she inhaled and exhaled with difficulty. Her head was bowed down slightly, as if she could barely support herself.

"Kurenai?" I called out, my alarm obvious.

"I will be fine," she whispered. "I should thank you. I haven't had training like this for a very long time."

Hitomi – when the hell did she get here? – approached Kurenai and whispered something into her ear. Kurenai shook her head softly and then Hitomi's eyes narrowed. At that, my sister's friend frowned slightly before slowly nodding. Hitomi called out for someone softly and I saw two women come in and help Kurenai to her feet before they left as quickly as they'd come.

Hitomi looked at me, her mouth set in a small smile. "How are you feeling?"

I was about to tell her I felt pretty damn good before a wave of exhaustion crashed into me and made me sway back and forth. Hitomi pushed me back onto my futon and I could feel myself falling into unconsciousness.

The last thought that crossed my mind was that I needed a goddamned AoE attack, because fuck it if there were more damned clones in the next genjutsu.

* * *

OMAKE:

I could feel the shadow make its way up to my neck again and...

" _Hotaru_!" someone shouted. "Fight it! You are the master here! Prove it! Don't forfeit yourself to it. Get _up_!"

My eyes flashed open.

"Death doesn't discriminate," I murmured, pushing the shadow back away from me. "Between the sinners, and the saints, it takes, and it takes, and it takes, and we keep living anyway. We rise and we fall, and we break, and we make our mistakes, and if there's a reason I'm still alive, when everyone who loves me has died, I'm willing to wait for it. I'm willing to wait for it!"

Shikaku and Kurenai stared at me as I stood up, the clones unable to figure out what was going on. I clenched a fist, waiting half a beat before bursting out with,

"I am the one thing in life I can control! I am inimitable, I am an original! I'm not falling behind or running late! I'm not standing still, I am lying in wait!"

I threw my hand to the side. "So, wait for it! I'm killing you, bastard!"

Shikaku gave Kurenai a side glance. "...What's going on now?"

"Oh, fuck it," I muttered, shaking my head. "Last fucking time I burst into song."

"Where was the choir then?"

"Fuck you! I'm one person! You have like four hundred of you! Be the damn choir!"

Kurenai growled. "I'm tired, Hotaru! Just deal with him and be done with it!"

"Oh, fine," I grumbled, my hands flashing through seals.

"Katon: GOUKYAKU NO JUTSU!"

* * *

Pure, utter crack, that. I listened to this song, and at this point in the story, I was like, "What if Hotaru randomly bursts into the song? That part just fits soooo well." And...this is the crack it turned into. *sighs*

Anyone, first fear conquered-ish.


	34. Chapter 34

Uh...Merry Christmas. Happy Holidays. Yeah.

Guest reviews:

Guest: Hamilton forever, yeah? Another reviewer actually introduced me to the song. Damn that person. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

DD: Oooooo, break the lazy kid in, huh? I like it.

Thatrandomkid: Hotaru's got humor written all over her, yo.

Guest: :)

* * *

"Oft times I have gone astray, counting down the seconds day by day. By and by, I've wondered about the storms approaching – were they here to stay or go, or were they, perhaps, bad omens come encroaching? My fears within continue breeding, and the strength to fight them weak and fleeting. So I look high and curiously at that sky above, at that sun I have always loved."

I stood at the door to the guestroom currently housing Kurenai, a deep frown on my face as I peered down at her. Erecting the genjutsu necessary for me to face my fears once again took every bit of her chakra and while she said she was grateful for the opportunity to train in such a manner, I was a bit more upset by the fact that it wiped her out each and every time. I felt Hitomi approach from behind and silently pulled the door closed as I turned to face the woman. She gave me a slight smile before gesturing that I follow her.

 _"Who are you?"_

 _"Oh, I think you know. And if you don't, then I hope you're ready for what's to come."_

I ducked into a room and picked up a very surprised Hinata, holding her in my arms as I toddled after the now quite amused Hyuuga matriarch. Hinata wrapped her arms around my neck for support and I squeezed her tightly until she squeaked, a laugh bubbling out of my throat, an act that was growing increasingly more frequent as of late. The little darling was still as quiet as a mouse, but she no longer trembled when in the presence of other people and even offered a few smiles of her own, although they were definitely a rarity.

"How do you feel?" asked Hitomi gently as we reached the main sitting room.

Shaking my head, I let out a sound of irritation. "Enough to realize that I should _not_ have thrown that soup against the wall. Cleaning it up from the tatami has been a pain in the ass."

She chuckled some. "Those particular tatami are lost to us, Hotaru-chan. Worry not, we will have them replaced."

"You know," I started, shifting Hinata on my lap as I ran a hand through her incredibly soft hair, "I've been wondering why you've been doing all of this for me. I've been nothing but an absolute horror, but you've taken care of me without a word of complaint. What have you been getting out of all of this?"

Hitomi frowned somewhat as she looked at me searchingly. Her pale eyes were a bit narrowed and she bowed her head slightly to adjust her angle of eye contact. Hinata crawled off of me to walk over to a few picture books on one of the many bookshelves around us, leaving me a bit less warm. I met Hitomi's gaze full on without hesitation.

"You," she began, tilting her head a bit, "really don't recall a single thing, do you?"

 _"That's why you're here, isn't it?"_

 _"You again? Didn't I already deal with you?"_

 _"Everything is interconnected, and everyone for that matter."_

 _I held up my blade, glaring at the enemy standing across from me. "Then allow me to sever that connection, personally."_

"What is it I'm supposed to be remembering exactly?" I asked, my back straightening.

Hitomi looked back behind her at the docile Hinata flipping through one page after another, so obviously entertained by the images on the pages. I could see her mouthing the various hiragana written across them as she tried her best to understand what she was reading. Hitomi looked back at me.

"The day you came," she explained, "you had already first visited the Yamanakas with your sister for a way to deal with your clinically assessed PTSD. Despite what you may have thought, you were nowhere near over the events that had taken place over your mission. I will not pretend to understand how a child your age must have felt being thrust into a situation she couldn't control as you were, but I know with absolute certainty that running from those issues, as you did, only served to hurt you.

"As I understand it, Hotaru-chan, you began having nightmares after being forced to slow down from exhausting yourself into a coma. You were not rushed to perform to the best of your abilities, nor were you in a situation that required your absolute attention day in and day out. Being in a safe, secure area with your sister and familiar surroundings lowered your guard, allowing your insecurities and fears to take a deeper root and filter through your mind more strongly. Unbeknownst to both you and your sister, there were certain key phrases that triggered memories to resurface without warning, thus leading you to the first stage of your breakdown."

 _The gaping hole in her chest seemed to beckon to me, to force me to focus on it instead of its person. Mizuki seemed almost to not know why she was currently there with me, her eyes showing hesitation and a tinge of curiosity. Eventually, though, she only smiled at me and patted down on the bench right next to her. I took in a short breath before sitting down beside her, my heart pounding as I tried to come up with the appropriate words to tell her, to let her really see how I felt about her death._

 _Mizuki just continued smiling, her hand slowly touching my shoulder._

 _"Let it go, Shin-chan."_

 _"But, I... Your mom –"_

 _"I know," she said, interrupting me. "Let it go."_

Leaning forward, I rested my elbows on my knees. "Okay, so I keep hearing about the Yamanakas, though I don't really see how they're involved."

"What was the last thing you remember? I know I've asked you this before, but I'd like to hear it again."

"My sister said she'd get help for me," I answered, turning my gaze away. "I guess she tried to get help from Inoichi-san, then?"

Hitomi nodded slowly. "That was the overall intention, I would assume. While she did take you to them, the resulting fiasco thereafter forced both Mitarashi-san and the Yamanakas to turn to other methods, namely, my family."

 _"No, not that jutsu here, Hotaru!"_

 _"Don't lose her! Damn it, when did she get so fast?"_

I shook my head as I felt the touch of forgotten memories hit the forefront of my mind. I held up a hand to my head to ease the building pressure. Letting my hand drop back to my land on my lap, I nodded slowly to show that I was listening.

"All right, so what happened then?" I asked. "And why did you accept?"

"I can't be certain," Hitomi replied, sounding conflicted, but still ever so polite. "Mitarashi-san wasn't entirely forthright with the events that occurred. I dare say that I have never once seen her look so...disheveled."

I scoffed. "That seems to be a common theme these days when I'm in the equation."

Hitomi graced me with the smallest of smiles before it disappeared. "Perhaps. Regardless, we Hyuuga accepted the task because we have a number of highly qualified specialists that work with patients suffering from PTSD amongst several other maladies. The only reason you were not referred to a different person within their family ranks was due to the fact that every time you saw blonde hair with blue eyes, heard the name 'Yamanaka', or saw their family seal, it caused you immense distress. As the second-highest ranking, psychologically inclined clan involved in assessing disorders and problems, as well as solving and tending to them, we were Yamanaka-sama's first choice for referral.

"Under normal circumstances, you would have been handed off to the specialists, but because I knew you, and am affiliated with psychological development and a number of medical techniques myself, I chose to take you under my wing. What with my child being born, I haven't had the opportunity to continue in that field of work or take on missions regularly, so this has been quite the experience getting back into the way of things."

Grimacing, I apologized. "I hadn't intended for things to go this way."

"Tut tut, child," Hitomi admonished, a shaped eyebrow raising. "I have yet to meet anyone who would _desire_ insanity or any sort of illness. Rather, I would have to say that if that were your end goal, then I would have my work cut out for me, indeed."

"So, do people usually just go to the houses of these psych people and get help?" I questioned, not trying to change the subject, but genuinely curious on how things worked with the mentally disabled. It was somewhat difficult to admit I was definitely one of them.

 _"Assuming direct control."_

 _I stared in horror at the shadow and pointed my finger at it as I tried to acknowledge the ridiculousness of the situation at hand._

 _"No!" I yelled out as its tentacles slithered out towards me. "You are_ not _Harbinger. No, no, no! I am_ not _dealing with bug creatures! Get out of my head!"_

 _"You are afraid," the disembodied voice said. "I will give you more reason to fear me."_

 _"If you call me Shepard, I will fucking kill you."_

She shook her head. "Not at all. As I said, I took you in because we were acquaintances at the time, and your case was rather special. We do not have many children as young as you sent into conflict in such a manner. Many times have I asked myself what Hokage-sama could have possibly been thinking, but it is not my place to question his orders. Instead, I believe it my duty to take responsibility for piecing the people back together again."

"So, where do they go then?"

"Hmm?" she asked, focusing on me again. "Ah. Well, there is a building devoted solely to psychiatric care, as well as a ward where the more...severe, cases reside. It is very close to the hospital, actually, and there is quite the able-bodied staff employed there to take care of people's needs. A number of people from my family, both main and branch, work there, as well as those from the Yamanaka, and a number of other clans."

Nodding, I grunted when Hinata found her way back into my lap again, this time with couple of books at hand. She leaned her head back against my chest and I patted her on the head softly before looking back up at her mother, who smiled softly and warmly at her daughter. Hitomi caught my gaze, the smile holding strong as she turned her attention towards me fully.

I pulled Hinata back even more, holding my arms around her middle. "I've got to ask: if things hadn't worked out with you, where would I have gone to next?"

"Technically, the psychiatric ward," Hitomi answered seriously, her voice low. "I used my influence to keep you here, and Yamanaka-sama directed you to us first and foremost because you are too young for some of the techniques used at the rehabilitation center. If, for whatever reason, I had not succeeded in helping you recover, – though, that is most certainly still a work in progress, mind you – you would have been sent to the ward. If I had been able to pull strings, you would instead have gone to the clan with the next highest number of personnel associated with the ward. As far as I am aware, that would have been the Inuzukas."

At first I was puzzled by that, but then I considered the fact that they have their canine companions, and animals have always been well-known in aiding mental disorders. I wouldn't have minded having a dog around to keep me company, but considering the fact that I didn't personally know any Inuzuka members, the idea didn't appeal to me overall.

I suppose my emotions must have showed plainly on my face because Hitomi gave me a knowing smile.

"Yes," she said, "I doubted you would much appreciate either other route available, so I am glad that we were able to finally reach you, so to speak."

"I'm sorry," I murmured, looking down at the child in my lap. "I should've kept a better lid on my emotions."

At that, Hitomi narrowed her eyes sharply, making me stiffen in surprise.

"It's because of that inane idea of yours that everything resulted this way in the first place!" she told me, her voice raising slightly. Hinata's head popped up as she looked wonderingly at her mother, a woman who rarely ever grew angry. Hitomi cleared her throat, but I could tell she was passionate about this particular subject.

"I won't say that it isn't good to keep yourself disciplined and not as liable to act out on worries or fears, but to bottle them up the way you did, to act as if they didn't exist whatsoever... That is a surefire way to send you to the hospital, no matter how strong you are, no matter how competent you are. All it takes is a single crack along the surface, and that could get you killed. If you even consider pushing back your emotions like you did before a second time, you can be assured that I will _not_ be so kind with my treatment of you."

I swallowed slightly, nodding slowly. "Okay. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have... I mean, okay. Right."

She seemed slightly assuaged and Hinata turned her big, pale eyes up to look at me. She silently, innocently asked me what was happening, and I patted her head again.

"Yeah, I made your mommy angry," I said, chuckling awkwardly.

Hitomi shook her head, though I felt better knowing a smile was on her face.

 _"I'm not interested in appeasing your mind."_

 _"I can't help it!" I muttered. "There should have been another way."_

 _"Hindsight is twenty-twenty," the woman said, informing me of a truth I was well-aware of. "If you can't figure out what you could have done better over a year later, don't you think it's safe to say that there probably wasn't a better way?"_

 _I frowned, my eyes glued to the ground. "That's no excuse, though."_

 _"Fine," she snapped back at me eventually. "Wallow in that misery, that guilt. I don't care. But don't think for one minute that it's because of me or the situation. You're only doing it because you feel that a normal human should. Nothing about you is normal."_

"Okay, so," I thought out loud, "I freaked out at the Yamanakas and then was sent here. That explains why you initially took me on, but I remember quite clearly that I caused a whole lot of trouble to several people here."

She nodded sagely. "You did."

"So, why keep me here?"

Hitomi turned her gaze away from me as she looked down at Hinata who was still looking through her picture books. I think the girl had read through it nearly twice since plopping herself down on me. For a second, I noticed, the woman seemed a bit sad about something, but her expression firmed as she turned back to me.

"I couldn't afford not to," Hitomi said at last. "Even if my pride had not been at stake, you calmed my daughter just with your presence. You may not recall the days after you put under so we could help you with meditation and –"

"Wait!" I exclaimed, my eyes wide. "So _that's_ what you were doing all of those times? You put me to sleep to –"

"Do not interrupt me again, Hotaru-chan," Hitomi said, the order obvious and I grimaced again. She sighed softly. "Allow me to make this absolutely clear: we never once put you into a sleeping state, nor did we drug you into unconsciousness. What we needed from you was a lack of absolute consciousness or awareness. It is complicated, but we essentially forced you into type of waking consciousness – the only thing about it all was that your normal emotions, fears, concerns, and so forth would not directly interfere with conversations or questions. You operated instinctually, and because of this, we could find different triggers that would occur. Had you been entirely receptive to the world around you, you might have been able to cover up any urges to flee and whatnot, but because you were no longer fully in control of yourself, that became a nonissue."

I stared at her, my eyebrows furrowed. "So, I was there, but wasn't, you mean? You forced my highest sense of awareness away so that you could monitor my more primal urges?"

"Not quite," Hitomi disagreed, "but I can understand if you're somewhat confused on the matter. Regardless, on those days, you went to sleep, you woke up, ate breakfast, spoke with people of my clan, entertained my daughter, and presented yourself like a normal child. Rather, I dare say you were quite normal. It was a little jarring to witness such an extreme difference."

I swear my blood froze for an instant. What if I'd actually taken over the body of a normal child, a person who had actually been the younger sibling of Anko? I quickly got rid of the scary assumption though. There was no going back, so I might as well not worry about yet something _else_.

"Why was always so tired, then?"

"Because you weren't fully conscious and couldn't reach the lower levels of your sleeping patterns to dream as you needed to," the woman explained. "You were sleeping, but not fully. I suppose it would be more accurate to say you were just resting your body the entire time, not fully refreshing it as is necessary. However, when you were completely conscious, then you would have the opportunity to dream and allow your body to recover as per necessary, but with that awakening, your mind would be overtaken by all of your fears and you would lose your chance to sleep. It was a never-ending circle."

 _"You cannot defeat me."_

 _"Why?" I shouted out, running away from something that_ suspiciously _looked like a goddamned mutated bug with four glowing eyes. My kunai shot out and sliced straight through its head, and in its place, yet another popped up to chase me around. "Why is this happening to me?"_

 _"You will fail."_

 _I heard the loud, terrifying sound of a laser as it swept down the path before I managed to release my speed seals and race out of the way. It ended up tearing through a pack of the bug things and I faced it with a glare._

 _"Why?" I shouted out again. "Why, why, why?"_

 _One bug popped up next to me, its entire body glowing a golden color. "Assuming direct control."_

 _"No! This is the worst nightmare ever!"_

 _God, I dealt with some messed up genjutsu._

"I see," I deadpanned, my head lowering. "It's been quite the trial for you, then."

Hitomi smiled somewhat. "A bit," she admitted.

I rubbed the back of my head. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," she was quick to say as she moved to stand up gracefully.

"What comes next?" I asked as Hitomi reached down to pick up Hinata.

The woman only smiled. "Stage Two."

* * *

 _"Are we going to train?" I asked, hearing the hope laced around my words._

 _Anko shook her head, and her hair brushed against me. "We're going to get you taken care of."_

 _She took my hand and pulled me after her, slipping her shoes on quickly and then waiting patiently for me to put on mine. After locking the door, Anko and I walked down the street slowly. My hands kept twitching every so often, and I really despised that she didn't trust me to look after myself to train for a little bit. What harm could that possibly bring? What was so wrong with wanting to improve myself? Besides, what about my summons? I needed to make sure to seal the contract for sure._

 _I snapped back to reality when I saw us entering the Yamanaka compound, my eyes looking up to peer at my sister, but she chose not to look back down at me. Her grip was tight around my hand, as if she were afraid I might jump away, but even if I did, there's no way she wouldn't catch me anyway. I frowned as Anko knocked on the door and the familiar face of Haruka opened it. Her eyes were wide as she looked first at her husband's subordinate and then down at me. When she saw me, her eyes narrowed immediately, and I wondered what was so wrong with me that she would look that way._

 _Without a word, she pushed the door open fully, silently motioning that the two of us go in. I saw Ino before anyone else and I immediately lit up, eager to play with her. I let go of Anko's hand and heard the two of them talking to each other as I crossed the room. I poked her cheek where she was sitting in her chair. She giggled and tried to grab at my finger, but I just poked her other cheek with my other hand instead. It was gratifying to know that she still recalled me, and I was admittedly curious as to how well four-year-old children generally remember things._

 _"Inoichi, come down for a moment, please," I heard Haruka call, and a part of me shuddered involuntarily when I heard that name._

 _I turned my attention away from the toddler in front of me and peered back at my sister and Haruka, whose attention was focused on the hallway that led to the stairs. Anko motioned me over to her side as another chakra signature came down the stairs. Her hand gently ran through my hair, her expression thoughtful and somewhat upset. Anko forced a smile for my benefit and when I looked up inquiringly, she shook her head slightly._

 _"We'll work things out, okay?"_

 _Chuckling, I told her, "You act like I'm going to roll over and die any minute."_

 _My faux pas was rewarded with her hand freezing immediately, her face paling somewhat. It took her a little bit but she seemed to force herself to relax again, although she did pull me a bit closer to her after that. Haruka turned away from us._

 _"Inoichi, Anko-kun's a bit worried about..."_

 _Inoichi's gaze focused down on me and my entire body completely froze._

"That's why you're here, isn't it?"

 _I felt chakra flood my limbs before I was on the other side of the house in a fighting stance, fear racing through my mind and coldness blasting through my veins. Anko, Inoichi, and Haruka looked alarmed when I jumped into motion, but I could only keep my vision trained on the blond man in the center. Inoichi narrowed his eyes slightly and a flash of the prison cell came back at me._

 _"I'm not going back!" I yelled out, my hands reaching for a weapon holster that wasn't there._

 _"Hotaru, relax, he's not going to..." Anko attempted to alleviate me, but I was completely in frantic mode._

 _I was not going back there. I would cut down any single thing that stood in my way. If this was their idea of helping me, then screw them all. I wasn't going back. I was_ not _going back, damn it!_

 _Anko tried to take a couple of steps towards me, but my hands were already flashing through hand seals as I continued focusing on the enemy – no, he wasn't my enemy, but what if he – that only sought to cause me more pain and anguish. I ended on Tiger and cupped my mouth._

 _"No!" Anko shouted, losing all signs of hesitation as her eyes narrowed. "Not that jutsu here, Hotaru!"_

 _She flickered in behind me, wrapping an arm around my torso and trapping both of my arms against my body. My sister struggled to keep me pinned but the moment I saw_ both _Inoichi and Haruka make the seal for their clan jutsu, full-blown panic roared within my chest and I pushed out a burst of electricity around my body. Anko let out a small hiss as she was forced to let me go and I leapt up and slammed a spinning kick into the side of her head. My sibling reeled back from the blow, both surprised from its power and the fact that I had even tried to hurt her in the first place. I gave one last glance at the Yama...no, the enemies, no..._

 _I turned and pushed myself off of the ground, crashing through the window and zipping away. I made it to a roof a few houses over before they were on my trail again, each one jumping from one roof to another directly after me._

 _"Hotaru!" Anko yelled out, her eyes narrowed at me._

 _My sister – no, she wanted me gone, too, so that meant she was the enemy! I saw the mask of a snake flicker over her face for the slightest of moments and let go of my speed seals as I flew forward. I rocketed down to the main street and zigzagged through people as I tried to find a safe haven._

 _"Don't lose her! Damn it, when did she get so fast?"_

 _"Hotaru, stop running, please!"_

 _I barely saw Anko shunshin in front of me, her expression seeming so confused and upset – she looked colder than ice, so I knew she wasn't here for my health, which meant she had to go down, no matter what! – and she tried to approach me, like one would a scared animal. The snake mask flickered over her face again as her arm reached out and I felt myself freak out further as I grabbed her wrist and tossed her over my shoulder. She was so surprised by the action that she couldn't counter in time and instead stared at me with shock from where she lay on the ground._

 _"You want to kill me?" I whispered fiercely as the milling people began to circle around us out of curiosity. "You'd better try a bit harder than that."_

 _Hurt – no, why would the enemy care? – flashed through her eyes before I saw them steel completely. She was on her feet in nanoseconds, her arms around my torso within a flash as she held me tightly in her vice grip. I noticed Inoichi push through the crowd before he walked up to me and came very close. My hands began trembling ridiculously and I fought as hard as I could against my bindings, but the enemy held me very tightly. The blond man made as if to touch me, but I let out a shriek of terror and frustration._

 _"Get away from me!" I screamed out. "Let go of me! Go away! Let_ go _!"_

 _"Hotaru..." the enemy attempted to say from behind me, but I just kicked out even harder._

 _"Get away, get away, get away!" I yelled out more, fidgeting even further when I saw the other enemy make his clan seal._

 _"I'm sorry," he whispered to me before everything went dark._

* * *

I woke up the next morning, the memory buzzing across my mind. Thinking back on the first night, I kind of understood why Anko looked so...well, horrible when she left me in the Hyuuga's care. Rubbing my head, I let out the deepest sigh possible, but other than the fact that I now felt the need to deeply apologize to my sister, I was feeling amazingly good. My muscles didn't hurt. My head didn't hurt. My fingers weren't twitching. As much. It was unbelievable, but I think the weirdest part was...

I hadn't had a nightmare. Not really. That memory couldn't be counted as one, so I hadn't had a genuine nightmare. I stared at the wall, taken aback by this knowledge. It was wonderful to note, but it was so strange. Not waking up with a need to kill myself was jarring and I was a bit out of sorts.

I got up, bathed, went to eat breakfast with Hiashi, Hitomi, and Hinata, and carried on a normal conversation. Kurenai was still out of commission – I'd have to buy a present for her later – when I checked up on her, and things felt... _normal_. That was actually really saying something. I, after all, was hardly what anyone could call...'normal'. It wasn't until Hitomi was at my side a few hours later as I was staring into the gardens through the large paned doors that I realized that it wasn't a dream. I really did feel better. Kind of.

"Good afternoon," she greeted me with a smile, and I smiled back, awkwardly. Everything was awkward with me now. Weird.

"Afternoon," I responded in kind.

"You seem...out of sorts," Hitomi observed. "What's the matter?"

Shrugging slightly, I focused my attention again on the gardens. "I remember what happened after Anko told me she would get me some help. I freaked out pretty badly on her. Landed a kick on her, too. That probably surprised the hell out of her."

"I'm sure," agreed the matriarch. "I think this further cements the fact that you are ready for the next stage."

I looked back at her. "What's the next stage?"

Hitomi only continued smiling. "Are you ready to train?"

* * *

Finished. Good night. Ah, and a question: What are your worst fears?


	35. Chapter 35

So, was thinking of signing up for . Anyone interested in paying me for other goodies? I'll allow you to come up with those goodies. Enough of them and I'll let you vote 'em off. Also, was thinking of writing a RWBY story. Would anyone actually read that though? Meh.

Guest reviews:

FanaticFanGirl: Man, no one likes Shikaku/Inoichi in my story. Guess I sort of designed it that way, but still... lol Ixchel? Not...yet.

Thatrandomkid: Only sometimes? :)

* * *

When the solar rays beamed down on my face as I turned it upward, I was hit with a sense of nostalgia and melancholy. Shifting my eyes slightly, I saw the light refract into thin shades of the color of the rainbow, and I blinked rapidly as I continued standing, enraptured by the foreign object in the sky. How long had I been held in captivity that I would be so absorbed by something I'd taken for granted for so many years, both in this life and in my past? In fact, wasn't it a day exactly like this that...

My thoughts cut off abruptly right then and I turned my attention away from the flaming ball of fire in the sky. The ground fizzled out of existence as I retreated into my mind, trying to snatch back that loose thought before it completely vanished. I shook my head hard, a hand rising to my mouth. It was at the forefront of my mind and... No. Gone.

 _– in that deep blue sky, and my first thought was –_

I sensed more so than heard someone come up from behind me. Hitomi spared me a smile as always, but my mind was buzzing a bit too much from... I shook my head again.

What... _was_ that?

The Hyuuga matriarch bade that I follow her, and I did so, my eyes downcast towards the ground all the while. Focusing instead on the grass under my feet – where were my sandals anyway? – because that didn't cause my brain to hurt any more so than usual –

 _– blades of green whipped back and forth with a gust of –_

Hitomi folded her kimono beneath her as she sat on the grass and patted the space in front of her. I stared blankly at the spot before massaging my temples and the rubbing the back of my head.

 _– alarm clock went blank and I picked it up to see –_

"Shall we begin the next stage?" asked Hitomi, and again, I could only stare at her without any sort of coherent expression.

The woman frowned slightly and reached out for me –

 _– reached out for me and I grasped hold as tightly as –_

Everything that was happening to me was somehow linking back to, what, a past experience? A repressed memory? Another fear that I couldn't seem to recall with certainty? Oh sure, I'm confronting everything else in my life right now – why not a memory that should have nothing to do with me right now? Hey, Dr. Phil, what's wrong with me? Am I suffering from a chronic "Fuck-Hotaru's-Life" syndrome? Yes, indeed, seems rather serious, truly.

 _– can't be serious, because the last time this had happened, –_

Blinking a few times, I lifted my gaze up to look into the pale eyes of the woman across from me. My mouth firmed.

"I'm fine," I said, watching as she retracted her hand. "What's the next stage? Something about training?"

It nearly escaped my notice that I wasn't particularly looking forward to any kind of training, because to me, it pointed to all of the madness and craziness I'd just suffered through. I was aware that it was natural to experience a 360 degree turn around when dealing with troubles concerning the mind and its consequential effects, but that knowledge didn't make confronting this new issue any easier.

 _– perusing job articles, because even though my current one was easy, I was getting –_

"Of sorts," Hitomi said, clarifying absolutely nothing. "It is something else we Hyuuga are rather adept at maintaining and overseeing. I'm sure you've heard of the art of meditation."

Great. A way for me to directly enter my own mind and force myself to suffer, but hey, at least there wasn't a genjutsu, right? No shadow attempting to stab me – because that's a thing, now – or any sort of form of Shikaku trying to squeeze my throat like a damned sponge.

 _– suds on the dish sponge washed away with the hot water until I heard –_

Oh, come _on_. How can _that_ point to this stupid repressed memory or whatever? What, is that stupid ant on the wall going to do something, too?

I held my breath for a few seconds as Hitomi began to explain, and then let it out when nothing was forthcoming.

"Acknowledging and confronting your fears was the very first step," she compounded, "but you'll find that this alone will not prove to be enough to allow you to move forward. Right now, you are vulnerable to outside influences and could always suffer a recurrence."

"Like cancer," I pointed out.

She nodded gracefully – how does she _do_ that? – and blessed me with a smile of approval. "That is an apt comparison, because yes, your fears are like a cancer. It spreads and spreads and if you do not take care of it at its early stages, it will grow to possibly claim your life. For a civilian, it might dissuade them from continuing their trade, or dealing with situations that need a firm hand. For a ninja, well... I'm sure you can come to your own conclusions."

"Right," I murmured. So, what, I had cancer, now? A mental cancer?

Hitomi's smile slowly faded and she regarded me seriously now. My back straightened automatically and I barely noticed a few Hyuuga kids poking their heads around the corner of the house, watching the two of us with obvious interest. She caught on that I was paying attention to something else and turned around slowly. Barely half a second later, those kids were _gone_. No. Seriously. They shot out of there so fast that I would've thought they were freakin' cats.

Aw, fuck, speaking of cats...

"Damn," I muttered, catching her attention again. She probably thought I was referring to the kids, and smiled to reassure me.

"Shall we begin?"

"Uh," I started, tilting my head. "I just close my eyes and clear my mind right?"

The smile on her face stiffened slightly. "That would depend on the method you would like to approach with. How fast you intend to regain full homeostasis. How... _forceful_ you're intent on achieving such a state."

 _– this state was a fucking sucker for them, but I never once thought –_

I shook my head, feeling slightly nauseous. I held a hand to my head.

"What's the normal, suggested path for this?"

"Natural rehabilitation via lengthened meditation can take an upward amount of years to accomplish, and on the low end, months."

My head shook fiercely at that. "No. It's already been months since this problem rooted itself in the first place. What's the quickest turnaround then?"

Hitomi showed no expression of anything particularly consoling when she looked at me seriously and said with absolute sincerity:

"Twelve to twenty-four hours for the initial process with a three to four week recovery thereafter."

"Agah...what?" I mumbled out, staring at her. "That's...a definite leap. What the hell, let's do that!"

When her expression hardened further, I felt a sense of disorientation. "And...for whatever reason, you don't want me taking that path."

She never turned her gaze away from me, not even in the slightest. "It's very risky. I wouldn't normally even suggest it to anyone in the first place, but because you asked me directly, I could not, in good faith as a psychiatric professional dismiss the prospect."

 _– even the prospect was laughable, but that was only because nothing bad ever_ really _happened to me –_

I forced a grin to my face. "Hey, thanks for that. But just think about it: by tomorrow, I'd be back out there, walking around like a normal person instead of one step away from a white jacket."

That reference, though obviously confusing to her, did nothing to deter her severe countenance. Her eyes narrowed a bit.

"If I might," Hitomi began slowly, "I would, kindly, like to steer you away from that particular path. Yes, it has very quick results, but there are plenty of other methods that may concur with your personality and learning –"

"I'm good," I told her. "Let's do it."

Her eyes narrowed. "What did I inform you about interrupting me? Do it again and see what comes from it."

I lost my grin _very_ quickly as a sliver of fear went down my back. "Yeah, but what's the big deal? The time frame is way better."

"I sincerely, _very_ sincerely suggest that you –"

I opened my mouth to turn her down but the moment I saw veins begin to bulge around her eyes even just _slightly_ , my mouth shut with a clack and my back went ramrod straight. Never once had I seen the Byakugan activated, and to see the veins slowly pop out as she glared at me was a very, horribly, terribly frightening thing to witness.

"Hotaru," Hitomi warned, her voice growing deep.

I waved my hands in front of me, starting to panic. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but I just don't get what the big deal is. Why would you think I'd want to take forever to get better? I can't even go on missions the way I am and –"

"There's an eighty-three percent death rate with this path," she said, immediately shutting me up. Gratefully, she released her partial Byakugan. "Twenty-three people have attempted this path and nineteen of them died. A mere _four_ people survived it, and that was just the initial phase."

"Oh," I murmured, shifting my gaze away in an attempt to ignore the sudden awkwardness. "Well, that...uh, sucks. And the second phase, or whatever?"

The Hyuuga matriarch paused for a moment.

"Zero."

"Oh."

Shit. But. Damn. Still. No. But, then again... But, still...

Aw, man.

My sister would kill me. But, still...

Aw, _man_.

Well, but, okay then. No matter what, that path was out.

So, that automatically meant...

"Let's do it," I said with a hesitant chuckle.

I think I made the woman blank for a moment as she stared at me for some time before calmly asking,

"Are you certain?"

"Nope. But let's do it anyway. I don't like waiting for stuff."

Hitomi's mouth firmed and I hardly felt the flare of chakra emit from her before Hiashi came out of nowhere with his brother, Hizashi, alongside of a couple of other women and one random dude. I watched her stand up and glance at her husband. Hiashi frowned and casted me a glance of his own.

"You may die," he murmured softly. "Will you not reconsider?"

My eyes flashed from him over to Hitomi who merely stared down at me, her expression cold and clinically professional. I made a shaky grin but then shook my head slowly.

Anko was going to _kill_ me if I died.

I then realized the contradiction in that sentence.

Whatever.

"Enough, Hiashi-sama," Hitomi stated, her voice as freezing cold as the stare she gave me. "Please perform the barrier. We do not need a repeat of the last time. I can only thank all that is holy that Tsunade-sama will not be here to see this."

I jumped to my feet, but her glare sent me right back down to the ground. I held my hands up in front of me as a sign of surrender before asking, "Wait, why do you need a barrier?"

She stared straight at me, and it seemed as if she were looking deeply into my soul. "You will be forced into the deep constructs of your mind, into an abyss not normally reached without suitable training, a solid foundation, and years of practice. That, however, is not the largest issue, but rather, the matter of escape. Were you adept at the art, with appropriate understanding of the labyrinth within, with a comprehension of how to fully navigate, as _proper training would allow_..."

I winced at the ice in her voice before flinching as white chakra began flickering into a barrier around the both of us.

"...then, you would simply direct yourself towards the exit only you could find," she continued, unhindered. "However, as that is a moot point, you will not. Instead, there are a few ways that you could hope to escape the depths of your mind. One, is that you send me an indication that signifies you have completed your task. Most assuredly, you will be incapable of this. The second, is that you complete your task, and your mind naturally allows your consciousness to resume its usual position within your psychological structure and frame of mind. This, obviously, is what I hope to occur."

Frowning, I didn't bother voicing my concern for the last option as she was quick to say:

"The third option that I foresee and have witnessed previously, is that you do _not_ complete your mission, are overwhelmed by your psyche, fears, what have you, and allow it to take control of you, wherein you go mad and return to reality as a type of berserker."

That'd be kind of cool, actually –

"And then you would die not even a few hours later."

Oh. Great.

As Hitomi approached me, her hands glowing a pale blue, I cleared my throat.

"Wait, you never told me why you need a barrier..."

Hitomi paused, glanced at the fully erect barrier, and then looked back at me.

"Ah," she murmured. "The last person became a berserker and destroyed half of the psychiatric ward, and caused a major bout of fire within the area. I would much prefer my home not become a sea of fire."

 _Wait, but you, wait,_ what _?_ I thought to myself as she placed her entire hand against my forehead. I could feel her chakra seep into my skin and felt it start to burn within my mind. I let out a gasp of pain as I stared straight at her, and she frowned even more deeply.

"Ah, yes, it will be somewhat painful," – gee, you _think_? – "but you made your choice."

The world around me started to distort back and forth from black and white splotchiness to the real world and back again as I felt chakra sear deep within me. I wasn't even in control of my physical body anymore as she forced me further and further away from reality. I would've screamed if I'd had the ability, but my mouth never moved from its open gaping as I saw Hitomi fade away from my sight.

"And you had better not die from this, Hotaru..."

* * *

" _AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!_ " I yelled the moment I regained consciousness.

I took in a deep breath before screaming out the residue pain from...whatever the _hell_ she'd done to me, and why did chakra techniques like that exist, and what the _flying fuck_ was I thinking and, oh my God, that was a huge fucking drop-off.

My screeching cut off as I stood up and stared down below me at the sheer face of the cliff.

 _– just from the sheer size of it, I couldn't believe that this was –_

 _– never believed her when she told me but I wish that I'd –_

 _– years ago, but I'm pretty sure Mom would have packed up the car and –_

 _– really was gorgeous that day, more so than I'd ever –_

I clutched at my head, a chain of memories spiraling around my mind but never fully allowing me to observe any single one of them. They were even stronger now that I was here, and I could experience each one as if I'd actually been there, but just like before, I wondered if maybe I truly _had_ experienced them at some point. I took a step back before my breath hitched, my foot nearly sliding off of the small bit of rock I was currently on.

My teeth gritted together as I pulled back away from that edge as well and I quickly took stock of my surroundings. There wasn't much to see – jagged edges of rocks jutted out everywhere, haphazardly, without any real sort of function or reason. I saw large, greyish-black cumulonimbus clouds off in the distance, lightning blitzing around them, and in a different direction, I saw barefaced mountains that expanded out of the...earth? They expanded out whatever the ground was, reaching up further than my eyes could fully see. In a different direction, I saw the dead remains of what looked like the Secret Garden and then in another direction, there was just blank abyss.

Of course my mind would be dark and gloomy. What the hell was this?

 _Let's see_ , I thought to myself, looking around. _Scary thunderclouds, deep, dark abyss, freaky ass mountains, or probably zombie-filled Secret Garden place. Fuck, for all I know, they probably all have zombies. I hate zombies. And monkeys. Don't let there be no damn monkeys. Or God, what if there are clowns?_

 _Secret Garden, it is._

I turned towards that direction and let out a deep sigh before reaching inward to gather chakra for the necessary jump. I paused when I didn't feel anything swirl within me and I looked down at my hands for a moment. Tilting my head, I narrowed my eyes and tried again to pull at something, but came up just as dry as before. My heart rate sped up as I tried again and again to reach within me, but I was never successful. The thought absolutely terrified me. I'd always had chakra. Even when I'd been sealed, I'd felt it within me, but just couldn't find any way to access it. But now, _now_ there was _nothing_. If this was what it felt to be absolutely naked, absolutely vulnerable, then I was feeling it. And I wasn't appreciating it.

In all of my eight... No, that wasn't right. In all of my...

I lifted my head slowly, my eyes shifting around but focusing on nothing.

My name was Mitarashi Hotaru, but wasn't there... I wasn't _eight_ , I was...

I narrowed my eyes as I found myself blanking.

"Shit," I murmured, facing the Secret Garden area fully.

No chakra. No memories or whatever. No way out.

Time to go.

I peered across the chasm. Maybe I could pull a Nathan Drake and leap across, somehow grasping at the ledge even though I'm like a ten centimeters away.

The edge of my lip quirked up before I frowned again. Who was Drake? Damn it.

A sigh slipped out of my mouth as I toed the edge of my little spot and I glared at the cliff face opposite of me. I could make that jump. I could totally make that jump. I didn't need chakra.

I bent my body towards the ground before pushing off. I flew through the air, my arms outstretched as I reached for the edge and found myself plummeting down into the darkness of the chasm as I came nowhere near. My heart jumped into my throat as I fell down, my eyes wide while air rushed past me. A single thought drifted through my mind:

What happens when a person dies within their mind?

I blanked for a second as I considered that before I pushed it away with the force of a sledgehammer.

"No, I have gone through too damn much to die within my own goddamned _mind_!" I yelled, throwing my hand out as I _pulled_.

Like fire, it burned through my core, swirled around all throughout my body and filled me with a warmth I hadn't known wasn't always there. I somersaulted backwards and bounced off of a jagged edge, pushing the chakra through the bottom of my feet as I propelled myself towards the rock face. My feet hit it awkwardly, but I clung to the cliff and pushed myself upwards, higher, and higher, and higher, and _higher_ until the edge was practically in my grasp. Just as I reached for it and felt the roughness of the rock beneath my fingertips, the fire within me died out, leaving me cold and weak.

I swayed back and forth at the edge of the precipice, my three fingers slipping away from the edge as I struggled to get my second hand up.

 _Nonononononono –_

My left hand hit the ground and I tried to pull myself up, but I slid on the loose earth and starting falling backwards –

 _Nonononono, pleasepleaseplease –_

I scraped against the earth with my fingernails, clawing at it, grasping at a handhold, whatever it took to get my ass up onto that cliff.

 _I'm tired..._

No, damn it! I'm almost there!

 _Where's my chakra? Where's Anko?_

What do you mean, where the fuck is Anko? She's in the fucking real world!

 _I want to go home..._

Just a little further!

 _Time to sleep now..._

I felt a wave of exhaustion hit me and just as I started to slide back again, I forced myself to concentrate.

"Ugh! No, no, _NO_!" I yelled, pushing my entire body upwards with a jolt of adrenaline and sending me crashing onto the ground and rolling.

I gasped in and out as I struggled to rise to my knees.

 _– to my knees, but I wasn't sure what I was more –_

 _– no way she could've come out of that okay and I was absolutely terrified –_

 _– greeted me made me want to end it all but then I heard –_

"AGH!" I screamed out, clutching at my head. I didn't understand what was happening! What was I experiencing? And why were they only portions?

The memories fazed away slowly and I let my hands fall to my lap as I sat Seiza-style on the ground. Tiredly, and warily, I glanced over at the entrance to the Secret Garden. Letting out a sigh, I pushed myself to my feet and trudged over there. I peered within, my eyes catching hold of all of the dead roots and vegetation. Red, brown, black, and grey leaves were everywhere, and my shoes crunched a few as I made my way through the gate. I walked forward with little hesitance until I ran smack into a barrier and had to clap my hands over my nose. Falling back a couple of steps, I looked inside the garden and around the door edging for any sign of chakra or glass, or whatever, but couldn't find anything. I tried to walk in again and the same thing happened.

"The hell?" I muttered, feeling around for whatever was blocking me. I quite honestly couldn't feel a single thing. Maybe I was imagining things? Well, what subtlety won't do...

I backed up towards the edge of the precipice and then ran forward as fast I could. Jumping at the last minute, I crashed through the barrier of...whatever landed hard on the ground, rolling through the multitudes of leaves. A grin alit my face as I stood up, happy that I succeeded. That was, until everything around me began to glow a pale white and lightning crackled all around me.

I took a real good look at everything before letting out another sigh.

"Oh, _man_..."

The lightning and pale white...whatever...slammed straight into my body, launching me not only _out_ of the garden, but spiraling across the expanse of land, past where I'd originally been situated and rocketing yet further back. I was sent plunging down against cold, hard rock, my body crying out with pain as I gasped and struggled to breathe. My arm slowly crept up to feel at my ribs, and goddamn it all, I felt like they were broken, or at least fractured.

I tried pushing myself up to a sitting position, but pain ricocheted through me and I fell back onto the ground. My eyes, instead, traveled up to where I'd been, and I could say with definite certainty that I was now like a good ten to fifteen kilometers away. Letting out another breath, I cursed to myself. I wasn't getting back up there anytime soon. Stupid, retarded garden.

 _This is_ my _goddamned mind, damn it!_

I froze when I heard the sound of heavy footsteps. My eyes narrowed. No ninja moved that heavily, so a civilian then. If they were a threat, then even without my chakra, I could –

A hand appeared within my line of vision and although I was loathe to take it, I tentatively held my hand out and was dragged up to my feet with obvious ease.

"I've never managed to get up there either. Shame, too. Looks like a nice place."

My eyes flickered up at the person as confusion filled my mind, and the second I met the person's eyes...

 _– the roar of more trains than I could count –_

 _– fear for someone I no longer had –_

 _– anywhere else, just a bit earlier, just a bit later, then this wouldn't have –_

 _Brown eyes, a beautiful smile..._

The images slammed into me with the force of a F150 truck, and I stumbled backwards.

"Who, was that...?" I wondered aloud, my voice gasping slightly.

"Some things are just best left forgotten."

At that, I frowned and was about to argue when I looked up and saw...

"Oh. Whoa."

The person smiled wryly.

"Hey."

* * *

How do you think your mind would look if you traversed it? Also, "Summer Nights" by Kevin McHale and Justin Thorne is awesomeness.


	36. Chapter 36

So, after a couple of false starts, the thing wrote itself. For better or worse. Enjoy. Or...don't.

Guest reviews:

Guest: It looks like you need more rides on the feels roller coaster!

Guest: Who, indeed!

* * *

"That which I have lost only pushes me on and on, with the knowledge that all behind is wisdom left to don. No greater fear exists than that of inability, a fact that allows me no end of constant humility. I have learnt, I have sought, I have failed, leaving all for naught. You which glows so radiantly, flickering o' so high above, I look at you and wonder, that sun I have always loved."

 _"Hey."_

I raised my hand upwards, my feet automatically pushing me forward as I kept my gaze focused on the person straight ahead of me. She looked directly at me, brown eyes dark and serious as she stood there unflinchingly. When I was barely half a meter away from her, she held out a hand to force me to an immediate stop.

"Remember, you can still back away from this. Walking the other way is still an option."

"No," I affirmed, my voice stronger than I'd heard it in so long. "I'm tired of running away from my problems."

 _My feet slid back across the ground quicker than I could even command them, my fists rising as I fell into a fighting stance. No, I suppose I couldn't use chakra, but I still had my fighting experience to back me up, and this person didn't seem like someone who could oppose me. The woman regarded me with a quirked eyebrow, as if amused by my actions. I couldn't see what was so amusing._

 _"So, this is how we meet," she said softly, her voice deep and slightly husky. Her eyes looked me up and down. "I never even realized the time was ticking by."_

 _"Who are you?" I demanded to know, my fists clenching more tightly._

 _She crossed her arms over her chest. "Is that a serious question?"_

 _"Don't screw around with me! I'm not in the mood!"_

 _"Of course not," she agreed slowly, looking at me cautiously, as if I were a ticking time bomb. Her eyes narrowed and then she faced me fully._

 _"I'm you."_

Placing my hand in the center of her chest, palm flesh with her shirt, I saw her give me the smallest smirk as she slowly began to fade away into nothing but... I couldn't properly describe it, but it seemed like something of an essence, a filtering of light, or maybe, just the very energy of her soul. It sickened me how little of it there was, as opposed to how much there really should have been. I closed my eyes as a tickling sensation fell over me and felt my body seize, and I sank to my knees, a hand at my head as I cradled it.

What had I done? They normally called people like me 'abominations', or some form of a heretic. What's worse, was that I hadn't even realized I'd committed the act of wrongness, of indecency, of sinning, of miscreancy. But, that no longer mattered. Dwelling on things that wouldn't improve me, and push me forward, was how I got into the position in the first place. By running away, I allowed it to steep within my mind. I allowed my fears to take a foothold and grow a true existence, an existence that compelled me to acknowledge them without confrontation. By worrying about problems that didn't matter all that much in the end scheme, such as killing, – I was a ninja, and ninjas killed. It was what they were, what they did, a large part of why they existed – I allowed myself to weaken and destroy myself from the inside out. If I am weak, it is because I am the one who limited myself. If I am incapable, it is because I threw away the weapons that made me strong. If I am powerless, it is because I allowed myself into a situation that made me so.

 _I'm_ the one who created this fiasco for myself. What better way to celebrate this realization than to make amends, for once, finally?

 _I could only continued staring at her, completely shocked by her words. I think I'd know if someone that looked like her, with her dark skin, dark eyes, and fierce scowl, was in any way even_ remotely _related to me somehow. Besides, two consciousnesses could not exist with one another in a single body, right? Not unless it was some kind of bloodline, and I hadn't been blessed, or cursed, with anything like that. No, I refused to believe that I was harboring some kind of other spirit within me, and after all of this time, never once noticed._

 _"That's impossible," I bluntly told her. "How could you be me? The only me here, is obviously me!"_

 _She scoffed at me and turned her gaze away. "I definitely wish it weren't true at the moment. Gods, if this is how annoying I am to others, I apologize to you all from the bottom of my heart."_

 _I glared at her, but she just rolled her eyes and turned back to me. "Look," she began. "You can doubt me all you like, but a mind isn't large enough to allow two entirely different people to reside in it. Maybe you, the forefront and overseeing factor of your consciousness, can't acknowledge my existence, but obviously, some part of you_ does _. I wouldn't still be here, otherwise."_

 _The biggest annoyance for me was that I couldn't refute her words. It was just like with the fear thing – perhaps I had chosen to ignore their existence, but some deeper part of me allowed them to dwell further and become something I eventually had no choice but to recognize for what they were. But, if that were the case, how long had I dismissed this part of myself?_

 _"How long have you been here?" I asked warily._

 _An eyebrow raised slowly as she made eye contact with me. "I don't know. How old are you?"_

 _I hesitated, and had to think about that for a bit. "I'm eight, I guess. Missed my birthday."_

 _The woman grimaced somewhat and turned away. "Eight years? I've been here for eight years? I really never did feel the time go by at all."_

 _She smiled wistfully. "I suddenly feel tired."_

If I am to grow stronger, I must be willing to push myself forward on a path that will lead me that far. If I am to grow capable, I must build and mold myself into a person with the wherewithal to learn even more and utilize that in a manner that will service me best. And, if I am to grow powerful, I must be remember that it is not simply intelligence that yields result, but wisdom and the product of my actions.

Yugito once told me that I was exceedingly close to the edge, close to losing myself. She said I would one day fall, and that could only be my fault. My problem here, was placing my values of life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, and all of that nonsense onto my new reincarnated self. I'd lived a life relatively free of the stress of fighting for my life, of fighting for my existence, to put a Gaara spin on everything. I'd gone to work, gone home, went out and played, and ran the course of another person. In _that_ life, killing people would have hurt, made me suffer, made me realize that I'm a terrible person. In _this_ life, it's a fact of life, and not something to dwell on or be ashamed over. That wasn't to say that I should go kill someone and party with some vodka and fireworks as I march upon the person's grave, but I definitely didn't have to act like it was as big a deal as I was making it. You fight to survive, and you survive so that you can live. That was all there was to it.

If I were to really take anything from what I'd learnt in my previous life, it's that a future always exists. It may not be the best one, nor the nicest one, but it is one. In a way, I finally understood what Mizuki and her mom had been trying to tell me in my imaginings of them – I needed to move on because if I stagnated, then I really might as well have been stepping on their graves unmercifully. If I was so upset over their deaths, I just had to make it so that they weren't for naught. That meant growing up, both mentally and physically. Cutting my losses and continuing forth.

So, Shikaku was a dick. I didn't have to be friends with him. So, Inoichi was an asshole. His daughter and wife more than made up for his presence. So, Ibiki was an fucking retard who interrogated little brats like they were S-Class criminals. He wasn't _my_ boss, and I wished my sister all the _fucking_ luck possible. So, Danzo was... Yeah, no, the guy was just a straight up dick. Would I forgive them? Sure, they were doing their goddamned jobs. Would I forget what they'd done to me?

Oh, hell-to-the-fucking-no.

But I didn't have to let that obsession weigh me down, hold me back, and fester into something else. I'd just let the grudge propel me to pay them back in the _worst way possible_. I was going to rat every bad thing Shikaku did to his wife, and then I would pop up with a camera to catch his expression at the moment of truth. I was going to brainwash Ino into being the fiercest kunoichi ever, and maybe hook her up with a couple of boys just so I could see Inoichi cry into his hands as he saw his baby girl slowly separating from him. I was going to pop into T &I so many times every day of the week that Ibiki would try to throw me out, only for me to pop up again a few hours later. It'd be the opportunity to drive him nuts. Or I could just sic Gai on the damn man.

As for Danzo, I was going to eat. Him. _Alive_.

Now, I wasn't _quite_ sure how to do that yet, but, I had a plan. I just didn't know if it would work. Anko would kill me if it did, and she somehow found out. May she _never_ find out.

 _"This...shouldn't be possible," I murmured crazily to myself. "All this time, and I never knew?"_

 _"Purple hair shouldn't be possible," she snarked. "And yet, lookie here."_

 _My hands immediately flew up to my head. "Lay off the hair!"_

 _She shrugged. "The obvious answer to your question is that you forgot. I just don't know what that means for you. I'm pretty certain that your entire existence, mentally, anyway, was based off of your past one. For example, you look like an eight-year-old, sure, but you sure as hell don't talk like one. But, then again, you don't speak like you're the age you technically should be, either. You've got a solid eight years over me – you should be giving_ me _advice, so something's not quite right here."_

 _I scowled at her. "How do I even know you're really me, though?"_

 _"See?" she said loudly, holding her hands out as if she were trying to implore me of something. "It's stuff like that. Why are you acting so childish? 'How do you know'? How could I even_ be _here if I weren't somehow related to you in some way? And since I quite clearly remember what happened before all of this nonsense, then it has to be something on your end. Maybe you experienced something big that caused abrupt amnesia? Hit your head or something?"_

 _I flinched back as if I'd been electrocuted by my own jutsu. Amnesia? Was there a selective amnesia? This didn't_ seem _like amnesia, though, because I was only forgetting things that didn't seem to fit...in...this..._

 _My breath escaped my lips slowly as I lifted my gaze up to look at her. "Hey, do you know who someone named 'Drake' is?"_

 _The woman frowned at me, as expected. " 'Drake?"_

 _"Yeah. 'Nathan Drake'."_

 _"Hoh, shit," she murmured wonderingly. "That brings back memories. I haven't played that game in forever."_

 _"Game?"_

 _"Yeah," the woman softly replied. "From the Uncharted series. A video game series for the Playstation 3."_

 _I felt slightly sick. "That's...not a name from the elemental nations. I've never heard a name like that anywhere."_

 _The woman fell silent and only looked back at me, seeming a bit concerned at my revelation. I raised my hands to my head. How had I known that name but... I looked around me, up at the garden that I called –_

 _"Secret Garden," I muttered, the woman's words starting to take root. "Why did I call it that?"_

 _She didn't say anything for a while and turned her own gaze over to the distance. " 'Secret Garden', huh... That title may be more apt than you might think."_

 _"What's it mean?"_

 _"It's an old book I read when I was young," she answered, her voice ripe with nostalgia. She looked at me fully. "When_ we _were young, I should say. It could be an allusion to your current situation, or a theme you, sorry,_ we _are unconsciously progressing along."_

 _I felt empty all of a sudden. "Have I really been forgetting everything? I can't believe I've... This is retarded."_

 _The woman, er, rather, I, I mean, my past self, shrugged her shoulders. "It happens. Only thing you can do is find the source of the issue. Anything come to mind?"_

 _I hesitated for the slightest of a second. When had I started this entire mess? I shook my head as I let out one of the deepest sighs I'd ever managed. Of course, it could only be that insanity._

 _"I might...have an idea of where, when, everything might've spiraled out of control."_

The Secret Garden. I had the craziest feeling that my mind wouldn't be releasing me until I solved that mystery. As I had no understanding of time here, and my past self most certainly hadn't, I had no idea of how long I had left before Hitomi called it quits on me. I was also increasingly wary of her attempting to bring me back to reality by force, as I had no idea of what that would do to me until I was fully centered. The question, more so than anything else, though, was how the hell I was going to get back up there without chakra.

I looked down at my hands, at the smallness of them as my fingers rolled into my palm to make two fists. I really was a tiny little thing. How did other people see me? How did Anko, my sister, see me? The terrible expression she'd made when she'd left me behind at the Hyuuga house still haunted my mind, and I hated knowing I'd caused that hurt and guilt within her. I was an adult living within a child, and a perceived child attempting to act the role of an adult. It was confusing when _I_ thought about it, but Anko did know any of my background, of my history. All she saw was an eight-year-old girl that she couldn't save, because the child didn't want to be. If I looked at it from her end of things, that was a pretty miserable situation to be in. She didn't understand. She couldn't.

I had to get better.

My gaze turned back in the direction of that garden. That was my first destination, and I had a feeling it might hold the answers I sought.

Guess I had some walking to do.

 _My past self placed her fist against her mouth, her gaze turned away as she thought hard about the story I'd just given. She didn't say a word while I fidgeted and shifted around. I rolled my right shoulder back before locking my full attention on her the second she took in a small breath. Her chestnut-brown eyes slowly shifted back to look at me and her hand fell back down to her side. She then placed her hands on her hips._

 _"A mental trauma, from what I can gather," she said, stating the obvious. "Before all of that mess happened, I'd say that we were more or less on the same wavelength. You had knowledge from your previous life and it was seamlessly being absorbed into your mind."_

 _She glanced down at her right hand, a wry smile on her face. "That might explain some things on my end. I was wondering why I might've felt so exhausted all of a sudden."_

 _"So, what changed then?" I asked, feeling confused._

 _Her smile slipped away. "I'm not a psychiatrist or psychologist, or any kind of behavior analyst in any manner of speaking, so take my words with a grain of salt, because quite frankly, I don't know for sure. I have no idea. A theory though, is that you're a crossroads. Remember how you said that this Hitomi, or whatever, essentially told you that you acted like a normal child when you were knocked out or whatever you were? That might very well be the real you of this universe. You're anchored both to me and the body, and have no real existence of your own. So, my theory, is that you have to choose. It doesn't make any sense that you would suddenly forget things that should have been a part of your very core just because of all of that stress. I mean, it could happen, but people tend t forget things they don't want to remember._

 _"And, that wouldn't make sense for you," she continued. "You had knowledge of your world, foreknowledge you could use to make things better. That knowledge might not actually activate until you meet the people in question, which sort of became obvious with the Hinata thing, but you still have it, regardless. It's just passive. So, on that vein, again, let's say you're at some kind of crossroads. Your choices, I'd wager, are this universe versus our past one."_

 _I felt cold suddenly. I wrapped my arms around myself, seeking some kind of warmth or comfort. "What do you mean exactly?"_

 _"Well," my past self began to explain, "you're basically, to me, in a type of limbo. One step this way, and you're fully in one universe, while one step that way, means you're in the other one. I guess."_

 _"What am I choosing between? You mean I can go back to our old world?" I demanded to know._

 _She frowned. "Well, no. Even if you could, we're dead. There's nothing to return to in the first place."_

 _I saw her rub the back of her neck before she sighed. "Okay, it's like this: you either take the past or the future. By that, I mean, you can choose to forego the past and develop your own future. Or, you can ignore that future and work within the past."_

 _"Still not following..." I said softly, and she glared at me._

 _"I told you I'm not some stupid psych. I don't know how it technically goes, okay?" she burst out with, making me take a step back from surprise. "As I see it, you're stuck in-between, right? On one hand, you can accept me entirely. If you accept me, that means you receive everything – all that wisdom nonsense and knowledge and everything related to your past life. Or, you can ignore my existence as you have been over the past, what, couple of years? You do that, and I'm betting that everything related to the other world, your other life, me, will fade away into nothingness. You won't have any part of me in you anymore. You'll be Hotaru._ Just _Hotaru."_

Oh God, I would never, ever, _ever_ whine about how annoying it is to use chakra in various situations ever again. I wasn't going to whine about chakra exhaustion either, because climbing things without chakra, and jumping without chakra, and doing _anything_ without chakra sucked _so_ hard. I don't know how many times I paused to sit down and rest. I'd run the entire way, wishing I could go faster but having to rely solely on my physical capabilities. Running, unfortunately, hadn't been the biggest issue. I had been climbing each jagged point and then jumping to another, _falling_ , and doing it all over again. I felt more like the SEGA Genesis version of Prince of Persia, where the guy always fell into a bed of scary white spikes. I still wasn't quite sure if I could die in my mind or not, but the thought sure kept me from falling from too high a height.

The moment my hand touched the precipice, in a fit of weakness, I thought about just giving up because I was so tired of climbing shit. My feet slid against the side as I tried to pull myself up.

Just little more.

My feet slid again, and I fell back to where my only support was my fingers.

I was so tired, but I wanted to get the hell out of this place. My mind was miserable, and depressing, and slightly sickening. It was terrible for a person to realize that about themselves, but, whatever. The truth definitely did hurt at times. Exceedingly so.

In a burst of a second wind, I scrambled up over the edge, rolling myself away from it over and over so if I somehow fell asleep – was that possible? – I wouldn't fall down and have to do it all over _again_. I'd fallen a total of forty-five times. If you counted slipping down the sides of rocks as falling, too, that leapt it up to 162. It's only amusing when it's not happening to you, although, I'm sure I was a right laugh to watch as my butt slammed down on the pavement time and time again.

Anyone who laughs at that can go fuck themselves.

I looked over at the entrance to the garden that had sent me rocketing _kilometers_ away. I didn't even have the energy to make a sex joke, although I could think of a few.

I breathed out a large sigh as I finally sat up after having caught my breath. I looked at the entrance warily. Pushing myself up from the ground with a groan of protest, I cracked my neck, and then walked up to the edge of the garden. I reached my hand out to touch, but felt the same unrelenting barrier.

"Open," I commanded, poking at the barrier.

Did I have to speak in Parseltongue? Maybe use a little abracadabra?

I let my head fall along with my hand. I had no idea of how to get in. Maybe if I...

 _"Remember..."_

My head popped up as I felt a jolt run through my body. Wait, but nothing could be that simple, right? But, if the garden was in my mind, then whose mind was it I was in? Hotaru's, or...?

"Open," I tried once more, "for my name is –"

 _She looked at me expectantly, but I was completely taken aback. I mean, it made sense, despite her not really knowing what the hell was going on with me. The thought that I could start a new life as just Hotaru was very tempting though._

 _"There are pros and cons to each one, I'm sure," my past self told me. "For example, say you walk away, right here and now. You forget me and everything, and it allows you to essentially start anew. You have nothing weighing you down, holding you back, making you wonder. You will be Hotaru in every single way. Nothing else, no one else. Just you. You'll be able to forge your own destiny. The cons to that, though, are that you will obviously forget everything that has helped make who you are right now. You might regress fully until your mental age matches your physical one, and considering the type of life you've led thus far, that might get you into a lot of trouble. A normal six-, seven-year-old wouldn't have managed to survive in a foreign country without anyone to really guide him or her. You managed the first one, and Konoha might expect that you can do the same again, somehow."_

 _I nodded, a frown on my face. "Then, there's also the question of my sister. She's come to expect me to be a little know-it-all with a knack for getting into more trouble than she can predict, or save me from. If I regress back into a real child, she'll wonder what the hell happened."_

 _She agreed with me. "True enough. But, you_ are _still eight. Your cognitive skills are only going to get better, and within a couple of years, you'll probably be back in business again. Your wit may need to recover a bit, but you'll be better off overall, I'll bet."_

 _"All right," I finally said. "Then, what about the other option?"_

 _She shrugged. "You and I merge. You gain everything that I am, all the bad, along with any good that might be somewhere around in me. You can use that knowledge to build yourself better, and to get further faster. You have the added benefit of all of that foreknowledge and whatever, should you choose to use it."_

 _"And...?"_

 _"And," she said with a sigh, "the bad part of it all, is that you_ will _be anchored to the past. You won't just be Hotaru, you'll be two existences in one. You'll have values that don't necessarily coincide with your new life. You'll have wants and goals that don't make sense, and you'll say things that mean absolutely nothing to those around you. And, the worst thing is, that if something happens to you again, I'm pretty sure the Yamanaka will be able to see your memories this time. You weren't fully anchored before, so it was like my part in it all didn't exist, but if we merge, everything's on the table from that point on. And, there will be turning back. Again, this is all a basic theory. It's all in how you think it will help you in the future."_

 _My shoulders tightened. "So, it's sink-or-swim, no matter what."_

 _My past self shrugged slightly. "It is."_

 _I turned away from her. I desperately desired to start a new life, see what came of it this time, but, when the thought of Anko crossed my mind, I realized I couldn't be that selfish. I was normally very selfish, but I couldn't be when I knew that my fucking and mucking up of the future could somehow come back and hurt her somehow. Danzo had taken an interest in me, too, and if he couldn't get to me, there was nothing saying he wouldn't attempt to get at Orochimaru's failed experiment. Then, she was also in ANBU, so he had an even more direct access to her, especially if he could subvert the Hokage's authority and usurp it._

 _Then there were Ino and Hinata, and I couldn't forget about the main character, Naruto. What about Shiyou and Shina? As far as I was aware, they hadn't even existed in the Naruto world, and could just be a wave developed from my existence. I wanted to make sure I protected them, too._

 _And really, that was what it all came down to, wasn't it? That was the crux of the issue, wasn't it? I wanted to protect people. I wanted to make them happy, make them content, help them survive. Mitarashi Hotaru, the eight-year-old child with no knowledge of anything outside of what she's learnt over the years, probably couldn't do that. Not in time. But Mitarashi Hotaru, the twenty...no, now thirty-five-year-old – goddamn, that really was old – woman with knowledge of an entire life left behind in the wake of a different universe entirely, probably could. How could I turn that away? I'd have a chance to live for myself some other lifetime._

 _"All right," I murmured, my decision made._

 _I raised my hand upwards, my feet automatically pushing me forward as I kept my gaze focused on the person straight ahead of me. She looked directly at me, brown eyes dark and serious as she stood there unflinchingly. When I was barely half a meter away from her, she held out a hand to force me to an immediate stop._

 _"Remember, you can still back away from this. Walking the other way is still an option."_

 _"No," I affirmed, my voice stronger than I'd heard it in so long. "I'm tired of running away from my problems."_

I walked into the garden, my eyes roving over all the deadness and bleakness I saw around me. I felt myself growing more and more depressed as I stepped on browned leaves, crushing them as I moved forward. A sadness began to fill my heart and it was just as I was coming to realize that what I was seeing was a portrayal of who I was, my eyes caught the glint of something in the deepest part of the garden. Frowning, I walked past one dead tree after another until my eyes came across the first splashes of bright color that I'd seen in this entire hell hole.

 _Rosemary._

The life I'd lived, it had been full of highs and lows, like any, but it was all of those good and bad times that helped develop me into who I was right now. _Remembrance._

 _Sage._

I can't say that I've really gained much wisdom overall, but I do understand what I need to do, as opposed to what can wait for a later time. I need to look forward, and stop looking back. Doing the latter hasn't gained me anything so far, so I need to take a different path instead. _Wisdom._

 _Violet._

Anko's face popped into my mind again, her smile sincere as she looked at me, her hand stroking my head as she brought me in close. From the very moment we'd reached an understanding with one another, she'd always been there for me. Always. I'd never had to fear her leaving me for whatever ridiculous reason. She was my rock, my support. _Faithfulness._

 _Forget-me-not._

* * *

 _I rose up from in front of the computer, slipping out onto the porch as I hung my head. I looked up above me at the sun up there in that deep blue sky, and my first thought was that it really was gorgeous that day, more so than I'd ever seen before. Maybe I simply was feeling poetic, or maybe it really was a glorious day. I wouldn't have known, what with how my job search was turning out. I kept perusing job articles, because even though my current one was easy, I was getting antsy because I really wanted a_ real _job, an actual career. That didn't seem like it would happen though unless I went back to school._

 _My mother yelled at me to do the dishes, and although I groaned a reply that I would, I was still very content with the fact that she and I didn't live together anymore. It worked in a pinch, but she and I were just too hardheaded to live together for very long anymore._

 _I just finished with the chore, my concentration golden as the suds on the dish sponge washed away with the hot water until I heard the annoying bleeping of an emergency signal as the TV began announcing some important thing or other. Curious, I moseyed back to my mom's room, and looked at the tiny TV as the news bulletin announced a weather warning and that people should prepare for evacuation. My mom was looking at the television seriously, but I just snorted, because even the prospect was laughable, but that was only because nothing bad ever_ really _happened to me. She told me that we should go, but I just shrugged my shoulders and replied with my usual, "whatever"._

 _She said "okay", employing that same trust she'd had in me since we'd patched things up when I was a teenager._

 _It wasn't until hours later, after my mom had gone to the store, when the alarm clock went blank and I picked it up to see what the hell was wrong with it. I turned it over in my hands and couldn't find anything of significance. I frowned, but started when I heard something crash against the building from the outside. I froze before dropping the clock and rushing out the front door into the open air. Blades of green whipped back and forth with a gust of a significant strength, and I stared at it until the sight of the sky caught my full attention._

 _It was green. A yellowish green. It was a green, but... No, you can't be serious, because the last time this had happened was years ago, but I'm pretty sure Mom would have packed up the car and... I mean,_ _I_ knew _this state was a fucking sucker for them, but I never once thought..._

 _Where was Mom? She was still out there, but we needed to get somewhere, fast! As fast as..._

 _I heard the sound of a horn honk, and shifted my attention to see the person in question yelling at me to get into the damn car because we needed to go. I hesitated just barely – what about the apartment?_

 _Fuck it, who cared about the damn thing?_

 _She backed up and split out of the apartment complex faster than I'd ever witnessed before. We tried getting onto the highway, but it was packed, all fucking six lanes of it. No one was getting anywhere that way. The access roads were just as blocked, and even though I knew her knees hurt her, I begged her to get out of the goddamn car so we could try to get to beneath the nearest bridge as soon as possible. There weren't any tunnels to rely on, nothing but flat land as far as the eye could see._

 _It was only as we were rushing there as fast as she could go that I turned back and saw a sight that made me want to cry out with fear. Just from the sheer size of it, I couldn't believe that this was really happening, and I know I never believed her when she told me, but I wish that I'd just, for_ once _, thought of someone else before myself._

 _The sound of roaring trains chilled me to my bone and I felt my body start to shiver and shake. Then, there was the roar of more trains than I could count, again and again, and the wind was picking up so fiercely that everyone in the area was having trouble staying on the ground. My mother lost her balance, and she reached out for me and I grasped hold as tightly as I could until the cars from way far off began to lift off of the ground. Someone slammed into the two of us, and I lost my grip on my mother's hand. I flew back across the asphalt, my head slamming into a car bumper, and when I looked up again, I couldn't help the tears that sparked in my eyes when I heard the sound of her scream._

 _I was on my feet in seconds, and though I knew that there was no way she could've come out of that okay and I was absolutely terrified, I had to make sure that... Just in case, because what if she..._

 _I threw my body onto the ground, pushing myself underneath the car that had crashed down and the sight that greeted me made me want to end it all, but then I heard the sound of roaring trains again, a sound that made my eardrums vibrate and hurt so badly. I scrambled away from the car, away from_ her _to look in the distance at a scene that was ever so much closer and..._

 _I fell to my knees, but I wasn't sure what I was more frightened of: the fear for someone I no longer had, or that had she and I been anywhere else, just a bit earlier, just a bit later, then this wouldn't have –_

* * *

 _Never forget._

Tears slipped down my cheeks as I fell to my knees, everything coming back to me again. Some things just weren't meant to be remembered, but I wouldn't let myself forget what I'd experienced. It was thanks to my selfishness, my disregard to vital information, my belief that I was untouchable, that it had all happened in the first place. I couldn't make that mistake. Not again.

I wasn't just Hotaru anymore. I wasn't just the little ninja girl who'd been in the wrong place at the wrong time. I wasn't just someone who happened to be experiencing a new world for the benefit of living it.

I was...

I was...

 _My name is..._

I could barely see my hands through my tears as I saw a glow surround them. I looked over my entire arm and then down at my body. The glow traced my entire self, a warmth growing deep within me as I felt a relief and as if something had finally clicked together within my mind.

 _Never forget._

I wouldn't. I couldn't.

I stared down at my hands again, my eyes unfocused and disbelieving. Then, I said the only word I could think of:

"Release."

* * *

I saw green grass down beneath me, and the tears sparked back within my eyes before I could even stop them. My hands trembled, and I was sniffing and hiccupping, and I felt like shit overall, but deep inside, more so than I'd ever felt for, I can't even remember how long, I felt...whole.

Soft hands touched my shoulders as I was brought into someone's loving embrace.

"Hotaru?" a voice asked me in barely more than a whisper.

I closed my eyes. Yes. That was who I was now. Who I was then...was not who I was now, but would serve as a lesson to whom I should be. And I would change, I would become stronger, without overexerting myself and hurting those closest to me, if I could help it. I would keep them safe. I would help them survive, and furthermore, I would help them _live_ , because that's what I planned to do.

I was going to live. I had to. For the sake of the old, and new.

Wrapping my arms around the person, I rested my head against them.

"I'm back."

* * *

Goddamned mental arc is over. For now. Bahahah.

Anyway. What are your biggest regrets?


	37. Chapter 37

Hai gaiz. Went to the ER. They couldn't do anything without a letter of reference, so I'm left to suffer for a bit longer. *sighs*

Guest reviews:

Guest: Action? Pfft, who needs action?

Guest: Overwhelming? Underwhelming? Why can't anyone just be whelmed?

Thatrandomkid: A bestie? That would require her to actually make friends with someone. :)

Orbital: Well, now you have the chance!

* * *

I accepted the cup of hot tea with a bow of my head, and I pulled it close to me and looked down into its dark depths. I looked over at Kurenai, who was nursing her own cup of the same substance, and then over at the little Hinata with a more mature-looking sippy cup, and finally, at Hiashi who sat at the end of the table as calmly as ever. I kind of felt the desire to bounce in my seat a bit from excitement, but reined in the impulse, considering the serious atmosphere. Kurenai, however, gave me this _look_ that told me that she knew exactly what I wanted to do and that I'd better not if I knew what was good for me. I was _this_ close from sticking my tongue out and telling her to stuff it. Like a mature adult, though, I made sure to stave off that particular desire as well. It was really tempting, though.

Hitomi exchanged glances with her husband, and they seemed to silently communicate with one another. After a short while, she gave him a wonderfully beautiful, small smile, and he pretended not to notice. When Hinata tried to pull her cup closer to herself, Hiashi swiftly leaned over, ensured the top was secured properly, and then allowed his daughter to bring it towards her chest to sip from it. She drank quietly, which was way better than I could do with one of those stupid plastic things. It was a shame that a four-year-old was far more graceful than I was at any age. I blamed genetics on this one.

I took a sip from my own cup and promptly burned my tongue, my grimace jolting my entire body as I tried to pass off my slip as intentional.

It didn't work, by the way.

"You seem to be faring well," Hitomi observed, hiding a smile behind her hand. "The tea was at boiling temperature, if I need remind you."

The red-eyed woman to my right just gave me a bit of a smug smile and I passed her a glare. I ignored both women as I blew on the tea, hoping that I could somehow make it a bit cooler. Hitomi and Kurenai shared an annoying smile with one another before the former looked back at me. I could tell the moment jokes were finished with when the twinkle left her eyes and she folded her hands together on the tabletop. The whiteness of her irises stared straight at me, unyieldingly, as she took on a more serious countenance.

"Hotaru," she began softly. "It has since been approximately a week from when you finished the initial process of deep meditation. Over this time period, I have examined you to the best of my abilities concerning your psyche, mental capability, psychological constructs and thought processes, as well as the mannerisms in which you interact within both a semi-formal and informal environment. As the first patient of mine to ever survive past the prior step, I, admittedly, am unsure of how to judge your overall progress. Such matters are normally fairly convoluted, complicated, and deviously difficult under normal circumstances, but considering the method you underwent was, essentially, compacting months – possibly years – into a mere thirty-four hours, I am rather wary of how the situation may eventually break down for you."

Hitomi paused slightly, gave Hiashi another glance, and then turned her focus back onto me. She seemed conflicted for a moment, but gave the barest of shakes of head.

"I am torn with the option that I am about to present you, especially if you take into consideration that you do not have much of a choice in the matter."

At this, I couldn't help but frown. "What are you talking about?"

Kurenai, with a frown of her own, looked on without making a comment. Technically, the only reason she was even here was because she had played a large part in helping Hitomi with getting me to both admit to and conquer my own fears. Honestly, I'd never seen the woman look that haggard after using a genjutsu before. She's always been so unflappable, that the thought that she was just a regular woman who had trained really, really hard hadn't actually crossed my mind. Her last blast of genjutsu had both exhausted her chakra, body, and mind, and she slept like the dead for nearly three days. As I was in my subconscious or wherever for most of that time period, I hadn't actually known until I'd gotten out of my own little coma. Got to love those comas, man.

Hitomi gave me the most bitter smile I'd ever seen from her, replying, "It's befuddling, and perhaps I am simply out of practice, but I struggle to find anything distinctly wrong with you as of late."

My mouth worked to say something before coming out with, "Isn't that a good thing?"

"You were at the very edge, Hotaru," she said grimly. "I proclaimed it vocally when I was young, and I will declare it again now: children have no place on the battlefield. There is a very clear and defined reason for why the children of the village attend an academy for approximately seven years straight – perhaps five to six, minimally. Desensitization, behavioral understanding, basic psychology courses, application of general skills to be used in a real-life situation – these are the reasons children attend academy for so long. You were not adequately mentally prepared for what you were due to face, nor did you receive treatment in well enough time for it to not become such a fiasco."

She stopped speaking for a bit and then met my gaze unflinchingly. "The technique you survived should have you out of sorts, struggling to understand your true identity and everything that comes out of it. Instead, you walk around, laughing, joking, playing as if you were never under any kind of duress whatsoever. Keywords that set you off into an episode only last week should still have some sort of affect even now, and yet, you hardly even notice if I say words such as 'mission', 'training', or even 'Kumogakure', or 'Yugito'. You acknowledge them, but you do not react to them, and this greatly concerns me."

"Maybe I'm over them already," I suggested somewhat flippantly, and she narrowed her eyes.

"Impossible," came the quick shutdown. "You are not a machine. The brain does not just eject powerful triggers like that, and if it did, then that indicates an even bigger issue that neither of us were originally made aware of."

Hitomi's eyes narrowed slightly. "You said that you met a part of yourself, and _merged_ with this personality?"

I'd given her a very hashed down version of what I'd gone through, though I left out the contents of the Secret Garden and who my other self was. The very thought bewildered her, and I swear she looked at me as if I was the craziest person she had ever met in her life. At first, she'd believed that perhaps I'd had some kind of bloodline all along, and why didn't my sister have it, and how could the Yamanakas have never noticed? When I'd bluntly denied even the remotest possibility of having anything special like that, that had perplexed her even further. After all, why did I have other people in my head? How insane was I? Did she really have the skill and technique to properly contend with this matter? Should she be requesting help outside of the clan? _Why had a part of me split away and hidden in the back of my mind?_

The woman hadn't quite known what to do with me at that point. I'd just told her it was probably a memory I hadn't wanted to remember and by 'confronting' it, I was able to 'acknowledge' it, and 'absolve' it. I made sure to use these exact words because that had been the entire point of going inward in the first place. Despite as much, Hitomi most certainly hadn't been very appreciative of the thought and had watched me like a hawk thereafter. She'd monitored my eating habits, my methods of basic training to get back into shape, more or less, my bedtime rituals, my time with Hinata, and whatever else came to her mind. The only place I'd been able to go on my own had been the restroom, and to take a bath. Quite personally, I don't know how she managed to keep track of everything so steadfastly – when she wasn't watching me, she'd been writing down one note after another in her, uh, journal, and putting a lot of papers into a binder. I'd, at times, woken up to the sound of her writing something down very quickly.

She was a demon. A demon who took her duties very seriously.

And right now, that demon was looking at me as if she were ready to pluck the answers straight from my mind via telepathy if I didn't give her more information to go off of. I could only shrug though – if I told her the truth about my situation, she really _would_ think I was psycho and I'd never see the light of day again. I was just finally getting used to tanning my skin again. I was pale as fuck now.

"Yes, that's right," I sighed. Hitomi didn't look very impressed with my answer.

"I've never even heard of the like," she muttered to herself, looking horribly out of her element for once. "To be completely honest with you, Hotaru, I have analyzed every single aspect I could think of in concern to your current state, but I have come up with absolutely no plausible conclusions for your condition. It is as if you are suddenly an entirely new person, with a blank slate. It is the strangest thing..."

I chuckled hesitantly. She couldn't be more right, unless she actually went into my mind to see what the hell was going on. Hitomi clucked her tongue so gently that I could hardly hear it.

"As such, after consulting the Hokage, I have decided to attempt a different approach to the matter. Careful observation seems to yield little result, and so we will need to shift our focus and stimuli a bit."

That sounded somewhat worrying. I looked at Kurenai, but she seemed as puzzled as I did. Wonderful.

The Hyuuga matron took in a short breath. "Regardless, as of today, you are temporarily out of my immediate care. I would give my congratulations, but that might be a bit preemptive. I have received word that the Hokage wishes to speak to you personally in regards to future intentions, and so, you will need to show yourself before him this afternoon, around two, promptly."

She stood up after that and I stared at her blankly. "Wait, that's it? We're finished, just like that?"

" 'Finished' is too definite a term, I would say," Hitomi replied. "You are still technically under my psychiatric care, on record, but the Hokage wishes to determine his own evaluation of your progress, or even the possible lack of it. I will be present during your meeting with him, but we also require the presence of your sister, as well as Yuuhi-san, here."

There was an awkward pause and Kurenai stood gracefully, bowing low before rising again.

"I deeply thank you for your considerable hospitality," my sister's friend said softly.

I just stared. "Wait, what happens now then?"

Hitomi gave me a smile, though I couldn't read the meaning behind it. "Indeed, I, too, wonder that, myself. All will be made clear at the meeting, I am certain."

"So, I'm just...free to leave, now?"

"Correct," the woman told me. "You are... _free_ , so to speak. Be certain to show up to the meeting accordingly."

My mind was blank as I listened to those words, and just as it clicked that I could leave and race around town at my own volition, Kurenai placed a heavy hand on my shoulder, locking me into place. Her expression assured me that she would be around to ensure I didn't do anything even remotely along the lines of what I'd inwardly planned for myself, and I barely stopped the sigh of sadness from escaping. Kurenai nodded her head slightly.

"She will be there. On time. Without any complications whatsoever, Hyuuga-sama."

Hitomi gave the slightest of nods back. "Good. Now, I have my own personal matter to discuss with the Hokage, so I must be leaving."

"We will not take up too much more of your time," Kurenai promised. "Let's go, Hotaru-chan."

I shrugged her hand off and waved goodbye to both of the adult Hyuugas, and gave the toddler a hug. She kind of ignored me in favor of drinking from her cup. That's okay, though. Juice was a very serious thing. All the power to the kid.

Hitomi walked the two of us to the compound gates, allowing another smile to grace her lips as we went out, up until the gates closed behind us. The two guards paid us little attention as we turned away again, and I instead marveled at the village around me. I hadn't seen it for well over a month now, and it was very easy to forget how big the world was when you were trapped behind four walls, just like the frog in the well. I gave one last glance back at the compound, but smiled when I realized that even though I wasn't marked as fully cured, this was a step in the right direction. Plus, this meant I could see my sister again.

The thought made me freeze. I could see Anko again. It'd been so long, and I wanted to be the _first_ to tell her that I was recovering well. That meant I had to find her first. She had to be in the village, because otherwise, the Hokage wouldn't expect her to be there at the meeting today. Now, it was just a matter of finding her.

I took a step forward, and, as expected, Kurenai asked me where I was heading. I turned around, a grin on my face.

"Anko doesn't know I'm out yet. I'm going to surprise her."

Kurenai seemed amused by the idea. "I'm sure it will be a welcome one."

"Can you sense where she is?"

"One moment," she replied, her eyes closing as she scrunched her brow in concentration. "It seems like she's at home right now. Shall we head there then?"

I pumped my fist, silently telling the woman my answer. Kurenai chuckled at my enthusiasm and as soon as she gave the 'okay', I immediately dashed away, letting the thrill of running free take hold of me as I sped down street after street. Kurenai followed after me, just close enough that she could intervene if I got into trouble, but just far enough away that she wasn't hounding or pressuring me. I waved a greeting to every single person I saw, my happiness billowing up in my chest and exploding out in loud cheers every now and then. When the streets became too crowded, I hopped up to stick to the side of a building, and then hopped to the one across, and then flipped up onto the roof of the building opposite that. Stopping for a moment to appreciate the view of everything around me, I let bare a grin as I cackled gleefully.

Kurenai came up behind me and I forgot myself and quickly clung to her before patting her firm stomach and dancing around on the roof. Passing shinobi gave me looks of confusion and amusement at my antics, and my sister's friend just shook her head. I didn't care, though, because I was free. I hopped up and down and then all along the roof while Kurenai just watched me, my hands making seals _just because I could_.

What if I wanted to make this super gigantic fireball? _I could do it, damn it!_

What if I wanted to dash through the streets at full strength, speed seals off? _I damn well could!_

What if I just wanted to bounce around like a frog and roll around? Fuck, _I could do that, too_.

I could do anything. Anything. _Anything._

Hah, I was free! Oh my gosh, free, free, free, _free_!

I cackled to myself some more as I rolled happily across the roof like a pig in puddle of mud. Kurenai cleared her throat.

"As happy as I am for you, there's nothing that says Anko's going to _stay_ at home, you realize."

Oh, yeah! Anko!

I gave Kurenai a thumbs-up before jumping back up and racing across the roofs, my heart pounding and my blood flowing through my veins. I flipped and somersaulted across some roofs and backtracked a bit before doing it all over again. I slammed into more than one shinobi, but I just gave them a hug and continued forth, with Kurenai making apologies for me in my wake. When I was a mere five minutes' travel away, I muted my chakra output as much as I could, compressing it down into a little ball within me. Kurenai didn't say anything in regards to this and I continued jumping across roofs until the moment I reached the stairs leading up to our apartment complex. I think my grin threatening to crack apart my face entirely, but I didn't care. In two minutes, max, I was going to see my sister again.

"She's still in there, right?" I asked hurriedly, walking up the stairs.

Kurenai gave a 'hmm' of agreement. "It feels like she's sleeping though, if I'm reading her chakra signature correctly."

My grin transformed into a smirk. "Good. I'll surprise the living hell out of her."

When we reached the door, I gestured for Kurenai to follow after me, and she, quite quickly, refused.

"If I go in there," she started, "we'll never make the meeting on time."

"What? That's not true."

"You always make me cook for you two. And then we always have to play some kind of game, or you make me help you with something you're studying."

"How could you say that? We _love_ you."

Her eyebrow raised a bit, questioningly, and I corrected myself. "Okay, she loves you. I love your food."

"I believe I'll stay out here, thank you very much. Don't take too long."

As I placed my hand on the door handle, I worried for a moment about the key that I didn't actually have, and if I had to somehow sneak into my own home, that was not going to look good, but all these worries went away when the door came open when I turned the handle as a test. I stared at it with some confusion – Anko was normally too anal to leave anything to chance – and it seemed that Kurenai agreed with me, judging from her expression. For a moment, I thought she might change her mind, but she just gestured that I be quick about waking the woman up. I flipped a sign indicating that I understood, and slipped as quietly into the apartment as I possibly could.

I was fairly rusty when I thought about it, but I was grateful that my body remembered Yugito's lessons because my mind certainly hadn't. It was dark inside of the apartment – the curtains were closed on the living room window, and that made me frown a bit. Anko didn't much prefer the darkness – she survived in it, and it yielded to every one of her abilities, but she didn't personally take much pleasure from it. There was also this awkward reek in the air that I hadn't smelt for years. It was odd. Keeping that in mind, though, I crept through the living room, wishing my eyes would adjust to the darkness a bit faster. When I reached the hallway leading to her room, I took in a deep breath and slid over to in front of her bedroom door. It wasn't closed fully. My lips molded into a full-blown smirk.

Slamming a hand against the door to throw it open with a bang, – because explosions are beautiful, hmm – I shouted,

" _I'm back, bi_ –... Whoa."

My gaze focused on the small tower in front of me as I stared at its length, before I shifted to the side all the way to a pair of wide eyes staring at me. I stared back with some disbelief at the naked man laying over the covers on my sister's bed, a frown etched onto my face. I saw the barest of movement as my sister – good God, she was naked – popped her head up to look up at what had disturbed her peace. I guess that since her, uh, partner, hadn't reacted to any kind of threat, she didn't feel the need to be more alert. When her blurry and tired eyes found me, though, her face paled dramatically as she gaped at me, her expression morphing to one of both mortification and horrification.

"The hell?" I muttered to myself as Kurenai burst into the hallway. What I'd smelt earlier must have been the musk of sex. No wonder I couldn't place it. Hadn't smelt that since...well, since.

"Hotaru-chan, I felt your chakra fluctuate wildly, so I –," she quickly blasted out before coming to an abrupt stop as she noticed what I was staring so attentively at.

Anko, who was still as white as a sheet, turned away when her friend caught sight of her. The guy made as if to get under the covers, but my sister's eyes closed as she whispered,

"Get out."

At first, I thought she meant Kurenai and me, and hey, it kind of _was_ wrong of us to gape at their naked selves as if they were some kind of exhibit, but when Anko glared at the man next to her, the guy flinched back. She pointed at the door as she rose from her bed and he narrowed his eyes.

"Why do _I_ have to leave? They're the ones that just barged in – that kid and the lady."

"That _kid_ is my _sister_ , and you're leaving because I told you to get the hell out."

"Oh, what, I did you good last night and this is how you repay me? Ungrateful bitch."

Anko glared at him, and if looks alone could kill, he'd be in the Shinigami's stomach twice or thrice over. Just as she was about to lay in on him, I waved my hands to catch her attention, and consequently, his.

"Whoa, now. Anko, it's cool. Get your groove on. But, you know, I'd think you had better taste than this guy. I mean, have you even see that thing he's so proud to call a –"

Kurenai clapped her hands over both my mouth and my eyes, muffling my words and pulling me back out of the room. The muscles in her hands tightened and I hissed in pain before hearing,

"Enough. Anko. Two o'clock. Hokage office. _I'll_ take care of Hotaru."

"Kurenai, wait..."

Kurenai pushed me away from the room, and I doubled back just long enough to shout out, "And next time, try febreezing the damn place, huh?" before the woman dragged me out of hallway and into the living room. I stumbled after her a bit until she threw me out into the corridor outside of the apartment and slammed the door behind her. Her eyes were bitingly cold as she gazed down at me. She then turned away, murmuring,

"We'll spend the rest of our time waiting at my apartment."

Her hand fell onto my head, and I had enough time to wonder what she was about to do when I felt a fluctuation of chakra and my environment immediately changed to that of a small, cozy apartment with a lovely view of the wall of the building next door. Kurenai walked away from me and sank into her couch cushions, a sigh escaping her lips. She then leaned forward and rested her face in her hands. I gave her a cursory glance before holding up two fingers and measuring.

"What are you doing?" she asked me irritably.

I gave her a quick smile. "I just feel like Anko could've done way better than him. I mean, did you see how tiny he was?"

Her glare was venomous. "How could you possibly know enough for comparative purposes?"

I just chuckled, but she was hardly amused by the notion. She turned away and glared at the front door instead. "I'm going to kill her. Slowly."

"Hey, I was kidding," I said, growing worried by her plummeting mood. "Anko's never done that kind of stuff when I'm around, before. Remember, she had no way of knowing I'd pop up. I rather think it's pretty healthy for her to have sex every now and –"

"Enough about sex!" Kurenai demanded harshly. "We are _not_ discussing that, and you're too young to concern yourself with it anyway."

"Methinks you're a bit lacking in that department," I joked. "Azuma not performing up to snuff?"

I shut my mouth very quickly when her chakra fluctuated wildly and I felt a wave of killing intent direct itself right at me. I backed away, my hands held up placatingly. I saw a flash of her white teeth before she cleared her throat and the killing intent slowly dissipated. She let out a heavy sigh and stood up, running a hand through her black tresses.

"Are you hungry?" she asked warily, looking away from me.

Appreciation swept through me. "You're going to cook me something? Meat something, please!"

Kurenai snorted. "Of course. Providing I have any, that is."

I plopped down on the couch, laying down completely with my hands behind my head. I heard the refrigerator door open and close softly and looked away from the ceiling towards her in the kitchen. Kurenai opened a package of some kind of meat – _meat!_ – and laid it out on what I assumed to be a cutting board.

"You know," I began, raising my voice enough that she'd hear, "I don't think I've ever been to your place before."

The knife never stopped slicing. "You haven't. Anko wouldn't have allowed it."

"Wonder why."

She didn't answer, focusing instead on her task in front of her. I rolled onto my side on the couch, staring at her back as she worked. My eyes narrowed slightly.

"Are you mad at her?"

Kurenai stopped slicing and I saw her raise her chin before shaking her head slightly. "Not really. I want to be, but she couldn't have known what was going to happen I suppose. No one's perfect, and she isn't immune to making mistakes herself."

I watched her some more before finally asking, "Why did you say Anko wouldn't have allowed me to come over?"

"She was mad at me for some time," Kurenai responded slowly. "For teaching you that genjutsu technique."

"Kakashi taught me the Chidori, so I don't really see the problem. You should've seen how pissed off she was at him when she found out."

The sound of Kurenai putting the knife down echoed throughout the space. She bent down and pulled out a skillet from one of the lower cupboards and placed it onto the gas range. I heard the clicking of gas as it alit with fire when she turned it on, and then the soft crackling of the meat when she slid it into the pan. Turning away, she began to chop something else she'd gotten out of the refrigerator.

"I confessed," she murmured, so softly I could barely hear her. "About what I'd done to you."

My head tilted as I struggled to remember what she'd done. "Oh, the treating-me-like-I'm-a-threat thing? I thought we were beyond that."

"No," she replied. "Just as you told me you would never forget, I never quite managed the feat either. When she approached me, angrily, about having taught you that technique, I found I couldn't hold my tongue any longer. I wanted her to know what I'd felt, what I'd done. I'd also wanted a sense of peace, of closure, and to know if she'd ever felt anything about you like I had, or if I'd simply been too suspicious. As you can probably imagine, Anko didn't take the news particularly well."

Kurenai looked away from her cutting board, at something I couldn't see. "She shut me out, completely. Perhaps I'd underestimated the bond of your relationship, or maybe I'd just gone too far on an innocent child, but whatever the case, she chose to leave my company. She actually never spoke to me again until after you'd, well, the day of the incident."

"Hm," I muttered. "But, you are two are okay again now, though, right?"

"For better or worse," she explained, "Anko truly does not have many people she can trust implicitly. Her life, she can entrust to any of our fellow ninja, but her true personality? Her inner demons, conflicts, desires, wants... She wouldn't ever allow anyone the key to accessing the lock to those. You are probably the only one, in the entire world, who she would ever allow to see that part of herself. In any case, though, while we may never reach the level of trust we had before I, admittedly, screwed myself over, I am still the one person she trusts enough to allow the title of 'friend'. It will take some time to repair the damage I have wrought."

I sat up entirely. "That's not right. She needs you – you understand her completely. There are a lot of things she won't let me understand about her. I'll talk to Anko, clear this entire thing up."

"Don't," Kurenai said sharply as she turned to look at me. "I made this mess. I will clean it up."

"Fine," I conceded. "But, as far as I'm concerned, if you keep cooking for me all of the time, I might feel inclined to finally forget this little issue."

"I'll keep that in mind," she said dryly.

Laughing, I fell back against the couch again. "How much you want to bet that when she comes into the meeting, she's going to look guilty as all hell?"

"I'm not taking that bet," Kurenai said with a wry grin. "Come, mademoiselle. Your lunch is served."

* * *

I stood in between a very silent older sister and a slightly annoyed aunt-like figure. Hitomi stood in front of us, her torso leaning down in a very deep bow. Her hair, secured into a long ponytail, fell along her shoulder and swept back as she stood back up at attention. I think I was more shocked than anything else to see her in combat gear, as I had never seen the woman out of her kimono wear...ever. Her hitai-ate gleamed from its location on her forehead, and she spared me a small glance – and grin from my gaping expression – before turning back to the Hokage.

"Hokage-sama," Hitomi began. "Might I ask if you have had the opportunity to read my report just yet?"

Sarutobi Hiruzen gave a short nod. "I did, indeed. From your analysis, I gather that you feel you can no longer provide any further assistance towards young Hotaru-kun's recovery?"

"Correct, Hokage-sama," the woman said in a crystal clear voice. "Not only is she the first to survive this far for that particular technique, but she does not exhibit in any way, shape, or form, the expected behavioral patterns of someone who contracted PTSD as she did. Perhaps, were she older, I might understand it somewhat, but given her age, I cannot, in good faith, say that I believe her to be fully recovered, regardless of what she may say, or how she may act. Due to my incapability to further assess her, however, I felt that your suggestion would show more merit."

"Of course," the man said, turning his attention to me. "Mitarashi Hotaru. Come forward."

I walked ahead, coming in line with Hitomi as I bowed deeply. "Sir."

"You have been absent from your duties for quite some time, and not at all from any fault of your own. It has come to my attention that you suffered from tragedy that befell you during your first mission. However, according to Hyuuga-sama, you seem to have managed to heal in leaps and bounds, though the circumstances involving that recovery are circumspect. Could you tell me how you feel you are?"

A frown crossed my face. "I feel fine. Better than ever."

Hitomi gave me a look, but I wasn't sure what else I could say. I really did feel great, after all.

"I see. And if I asked you to go undercover again in another infiltration mission right here and now?"

"I'd plead for a manner in which to deliver information and receive it better," I replied with a bit of dryness. Lack of information over what the hell I'd been doing had not helped my mental stability whatsoever.

Hiruzen regarded me with an unidentifiable expression. "Do _you_ believe yourself ready for another mission?"

"I'd...like to think so, sir."

He harrumphed and clasped his hands together on his desktop. "You are currently a chuunin."

That hadn't been a question, and I nodded hesitantly. The Hokage stared straight at me without hesitance.

"You have yet to attend a mission at that rank. Do you believe you deserve it?"

That almost made me scowl. He was _not_ taking away that rank from me. Ugly as it was, I'd earned that fucking vest, damn it. The only reason I hadn't made good on it yet was because I'd been labeled clinically insane and locked up for a month or so. That had been a rough fucking month, too.

"Yes," I nearly growled, only holding in the temptation just barely. "I do, sir."

"Hm, I find myself not completely convinced," the Hokage murmured, upping my level of ire. "I should think I'd like to test that ability firsthand."

The thought made me pause. "What, I have to fight you, you mean?"

I felt the stares of every person in the room before Hiruzen let out a chuckle. "Confident, aren't we?"

My hackles rose and I almost crossed my arms over my chest defensively. "Well, you said 'firsthand', so I thought you might have meant..."

"I meant, I intend to assign you a mission," the man declared before pointedly looking at Hitomi and Kurenai. "You two, I will talk to you in a moment. For now, please leave the room while I discuss with the Mitarashi siblings their mission."

I saw Hitomi bow and I assumed Kurenai did the same as they murmured "Hokage-sama". I heard the doors close behind us and turned my full attention towards the Hokage. Anko joined my side silently, close enough to show protectiveness, but far enough away to demonstrate her nervousness regarding what happened earlier. I really just wanted to tell her I didn't give a damn whether she slept around. _She_ was fine. It was the guys that would be receiving a visit from me if they pulled any kind of shit. Like that guy who'd called her a bitch earlier. I was going to hunt the bastard down.

"Special Jounin Mitarashi Anko, Chuunin Mitarashi Hotaru, I am hereby assigning you a very important mission regarding information that needs to reach Suna as quickly as manageable. I need you to leave promptly tomorrow morning."

I must have seemed confused, because he asked if I had any questions. "Just one. Why send us if you need information delivered fast? I don't even know the shunshin yet, and there are several more higher-ranked personnel that would be better suited to the mission, I'd think. Hell, my sister could reach there way faster than I'll ever manage."

The Hokage nodded slowly. "A good question. Most of my higher-ranked men, and women, are still on the front lines, so while I would prefer to send them, I do not currently have that option. And, while I say this information is important, it is not of immediate urgency, though it needs to get there within a week, at the latest. I will not say what it involves, but it does need to reach the Kazekage's hands as soon as possible."

I tilted my head and Hiruzen frowned at me. "This is also a suitable test for whether you are up to the task of assuming missions once again. Should you perform well, and Hyuuga-sama gives her letter of approval, then you will be reassigned onto the active shinobi roster. Any further questions?"

"Is it just my sister and me?"

"No," the Hokage admitted. "There will be one more in attendance with you – a jounin. He will meet you at the gate come morning."

"Huh," I murmured. "Okay."

He smiled at me. "If you've no further questions to ask, then I must ask you to leave me be. I have other important tasks to attend to, if you don't mind."

Anko and I nodded, and just as we bowed and made our way to leave the room, I heard the Hokage say,

"Just a moment, Anko-kun. A word, if you would."

Anko paused, and after nodding for me to go ahead, walked back to stand in front of the Hokage's desk. I gave the two one last glance before pulling open the door and letting it shut behind me. Hitomi's gaze found me immediately and she offered me a small smile. I crossed my arms over my chest.

"You planned this," I accused without any heat.

"I quite plainly told you I had," she said with a smile, not missing a single beat. "I should think you'd be happy with the assignment."

I openly scowled at her, and it was at that moment that Anko came back out, her expression closed off and her expression heavily shadowed. She caught Kurenai's gaze before nodding first at Hitomi.

"Hyuuga-sama, the Hokage is ready for you now."

Hitomi smiled to show her appreciation and walked past my sister into the room. Anko looked again at Kurenai, the latter of which just sighing and telling her to go ahead. The shadows in my sister's eyes never let up though as she and I made our way back home. She didn't say a single word to me throughout the entire trip, and the one time that I'd attempted to hold her hand in a show of solidarity, she'd flinched so badly that I let go, startled from her reaction. I didn't bother trying to do anything after that.

When we got home, the first thing I noticed, besides my exhaustion, was the blatant smell of potpourri or some scent reminiscent of it. It was so strong, I felt like gagging, but due to how tense Anko had gotten the moment we'd come inside, I chose to act like I didn't even smell it. She quietly asked me if I was hungry, – the first words I'd heard from her since the thing earlier – and I shook my head 'no'. Whatever Kurenai had fed me was still holding me hours later. All I kind of wanted to do was sleep in my own bed. When I'd said this, Anko had gone completely silent and slowly nodded her agreement. I walked towards the hallway, but turned back at the last minute.

"There's nothing wrong with satisfying yourself, you know."

She never bothered to meet my gaze, instead sitting on the couch solemnly. I watched her for a while before sighing and heading to my room. On the bright side of things, I had a mission together with my sister! That had to be worth something, right?

* * *

Yep. Yeeeeeeeeep. Question: What would you do if you walked in on your sibling like that? I think that if I weren't shocked, like Hotaru, I'd laugh my ass off.


	38. Chapter 38

So. Life's been busy. Couldn't even peck out a couple of thousand words over the days. I should be working on F:SC (I am, for those who read it, btw). Saber ftw.

Anyway. Thanks gaiz, for your humorous responses to that sex scene. I received a review from someone concerned over the rating. No worries, though. This WILL be bumped up to M, just not yet. You'll have suitable warning ahead of time before it gets to that part.

Guest reviews:

FanaticFanGirl: Pfft. Yugito wouldn't be able to subject herself to that humiliation. In my mind, she's totes a virgin. An adorably shy, easily embarrassed virgin. On second thought, let's dump her in the men's bathing area, just for fun! As for Gaara - Hotaru will prolly meet him. Who knows. And will they be a couple? Pfft. No. Hotaru digs older guys and women. Dating anyone younger would be like dating her own kid. lol

J: Yeeeeeeah, that mental arc was cray-cray, huh? Need to liven things up a bit, yo!

Guest: You're so polite. I'd prolly laugh, if I weren't shocked, and then go get a camera for blackmail's sake.

Chibinelly: So, you'd pull a Uchiha. They love gouging out their eyes.

* * *

"The dawn alights every feature, every touch of nature, every taste of beauty, and with each approaching one, I proudly move forward through life to accomplish whatever assigned duty of me. Regret is not something I lack, but I've gone too far – I can never turn back. So, I'll instead look on and on at that wondrous haziness that shrouds you as you rise up above. I will continue to push, to forge, to be ever _more_ ; I'll continue growing stronger, as ever defiant as you, that sun I have always loved."

Slowly opening my eyes to the pitch-black of the night, I groaned and tried turning over onto my side for some more rest. Obviously, night time equated to sleep time, so one could hardly blame me for wanting to do exactly that. It was another five minutes before I realized that my body was completely amped up and ready to take on a new day. I turned back around to squint at the clock on my bureau, only to see it read out that it was three in the morning.

My body begged to release its energy on the world and cause chaos and destruction, or at least get food.

My body could go fuck itself. What normal person gets up at three in the morning?

Ten minutes later saw me grumbling to myself as I shuffled down the hallway into the toilet room, popping back out some time later to instead shuffle into the bathroom itself. I freshened up, washing my face, brushing my teeth, and whatever else would give the illusion that I was completely ready to take on the new day. I was walking out of the bathroom when the door to my sister's room opened and she came out, her dark eyes meeting mine almost immediately. The two of us looked at one another for a bit before she shifted her gaze away without a word, and walked past me into the living room.

Clucking my tongue, I turned away to go back to my bedroom, but stopped myself and frowned. I put my hands on my hips as I considered the current situation – we couldn't go out on a mission the way we were. It was just asking for trouble, one way or another. With a long, dramatic sigh, I turned back around and went into the living room, staring at my sister as she gracefully moved about the kitchen.

"Morning," I greeted, leaning against the kitchen table as I watched her.

Anko simply gave me a nod, and I relaxed along the length of the table, trying to stretch my hands to reach the other side. I was just some centimeters short of doing so.

"When's our mission start?" I asked, sticking to something as comfortable and not emotionally-inclined as mission parameters.

Anko cracked about ten eggs into the pan, mixing them with butter. After she began stirring them, adding in some pork joules (freshside!) as well, she finally answered softly.

"We need to be at the gates promptly at five."

I looked at the clock hanging up on the wall. Three-thirty. I still had to pack. Damn.

"How long's it take to get to Suna?"

"At your speed, five to six days."

When I didn't ask anything further, our conversation ground to an immediate halt. I bit the inside of my cheek, glaring at her with some annoyance before shrugging my shoulders and giving it up for a botched job. If she wasn't going to talk to me or address the elephant in the room, then fine. I didn't really care. It was pretty annoying though, and I didn't want to have to deal with a mission in absolute silence. Plus, I wasn't sure who the guy would be who was going with us. If he was any bit as silent as my sister currently was, it was going to be a _long_ week, or however long it would be before we finally came back home.

I ran my hands through my hair – it was growing out, and I either needed to steal one of Anko's hair ties or just go to a salon and get it chopped off into some kind of (Sasha) fierce hairstyle. I'd ask my sister to do it again, but considering she couldn't go anywhere near me without wincing just barely, or adopting her ANBU emotionless state, that just wasn't going to happen.

Closing my door to my room, I quickly got started on putting my gear together, like Yugito had always helped me do. I threw in a bunch of empty scrolls, ink, brushes, additional underwear, – because, _obviously_ – clothing, weaponry, and whatever other nonsense I could think of. I jogged out of my room and dashed into the kitchen, jumping onto the counter just for Anko to send me a glare. I ignored her as I pulled out a bunch of energy and nutritional bars for later consumption, as well as a couple of electrolyte packs for dumping into my water canteens.

"You won't need that much," she grumbled. "We'll be gone for two weeks, max."

" _Some_ of us are still growing," I argued back. "I need munchies."

She didn't bother responding, but as I was walking back, I barely heard her mutter, "I'm technically still growing, too."

I ignored that comment, because, while it was technically true, sure, I was more important. If I thought I needed ten nasty nutritional bars just in case I needed some kind of snack, then whatever. It wasn't like we couldn't buy more. I stuffed all of the disgusting things into a side pocket and then sat back and looked at it. I tentatively picked the bag up and grunted. It was _heavy_. Of course it was. I'd packed half of my room into it. I didn't know any storage sealing seals, so I was stuck. Well, if nothing else, it would make for good training. I could always foist it onto my sister if things got to be too rough. I'd just throw it at her.

Bah. It would have to do.

Now, moving onto getting dressed for the day. A vest, a short-sleeved shirt, a fishnet shirt under it, cargo pants that could transform into shorts with a touch of chakra, my forehead protector... That sounded about right. Laying each article on my bed, I then began shimmying out of my pajama bottoms, folding them up and putting them on my pillow. I hopped around to pull my pants up, because putting them on the normal way is boring. It was just as I was getting ready to take off my shirt that a knock came at my door.

"Breakfast is ready," came the muffled voice of my sister.

"Gimme a sec. I'm getting dressed."

Silence answered me and I thought that she might have gone back into the kitchen, but instead, she murmured, "Can we talk?"

I let go of my shirt and crossed my room to the door in a few short strides. When I opened the door, she met my gaze silently, and I stood back, motioning for her to come in. Anko walked in slowly, sitting down on my bed next to the stuffed bag. An eyebrow raised as she stared at it with a slight frown.

"Overkill, much?" she asked, making eye contact with me.

I scoffed. "Shut up. My missions have a tendency to _always_ go wrong."

"I'm not carrying it for you."

"Shut up. Yes, you damned well will."

A shadow of a smile crossed her lips before slipping away as she leaned forward and looked at me seriously.

"Listen, Hotaru," she began, her hands clasped in front of her. "About...yesterday. That... I'm sorry you had to see me in that position."

This forced a snigger out of me. "I don't know – there've got to be better ones out there. One where, you know, you're actually touching one another?"

Her glare was quick to come. "Knock it off, I'm being serious. I... If I had half the chance, I would've never allowed you to see me like that. That's a side of me you shouldn't have to see."

"There's nothing wrong with satisfaction," I said, more or less repeating my words from yesterday. "I didn't give a damn that you'd chosen to do that. Hell, I think Kurenai was more miffed about it than anyone else."

"If only it were that simple," Anko muttered. "There wasn't anything satisfying about it."

"How about inserting Tab A into Slot B next time?"

Her hands clenched tighter together as she shot me yet another glare. "That isn't funny."

I sighed. "Look. I get it. You don't want me to see your dirty side. That's fine, but, life isn't always so kind, you know? I saw it, you know it, I know it. Can we just move on?"

She looked less sure about the idea than I did, and I changed tactics.

"Fine," I said, trying to appease her. "Then, _why_ were you doing it in the first place if it wasn't pleasurable?"

Anko didn't answer and only lowered her gaze. I barely kept myself from rolling my eyes.

"Next question, then. Why are you _still_ doing it? What does it accomplish?"

Another non-answer. Okay then. "Why does it matter whether I know or not?"

That made her sit up fully. "You're my sister. My little sister."

"Your point being?"

"You died, okay?" she snarled. "Yes, I know that you were out on a mission, but for all records and purposes, you were dead to the majority in Konoha. _Dead_. I started having...sex...because I couldn't take it. I couldn't deal with your absence. But now..."

"Now, I'm back, and you feel that you should have stopped because the reason for beginning was a lie from the start, but you can't stop, and the fact that I now know about it makes you ashamed of your weak will and the desire to be clean pushes you into a state of further guilt, but you're so deep – no pun intended – that you don't have a clue on how to just stop cold turkey," I rambled, using my fingers as guides for the points I'd made. "Am I getting warm?"

She stared at me with disbelief, and I made a short smile. "Kurenai and I had some time to talk about your issues. So, am I getting warm?"

Anko frowned and turned her gaze downward. "Yes."

"So, you're a necrophiliac?"

Her head popped up so comically fast that I thought she'd get whiplash. "What? _NO_! What the hell, Hotaru?"

I looked at her with some confusion before tilting my head and reviewing what I'd said mentally. "Oh, oops. I meant 'nymphomaniac'. Hah, they're just too similar."

She looked decidedly less amused with the concept than I was. Anko scowled at me.

"No. I do _not_ love sex."

"All right then," I conceded. "You don't love sex. You don't want to have sex meaninglessly. You don't like the person you currently are because of your actions. Seems to me like your sole option is just to stop. Period."

Anko's lips firmed. "It... It isn't that easy."

"Look," I finally snapped. "It is that easy. Let me tell you something that I feel you really need to know."

I crossed my arms over my chest, walked straight up to her, and stared her down. "To be honest, Anko, you are my hero."

Her eyes widened and when she tried to correct my way of thinking, I hissed out a warning.

"You are. Period," I told her with a scowl of my own. "Why? What other reason do I need other than the fact that you are my sister and have done everything in your power to be a good role model for me? Look, Anko, when things need doing, you do them. When you discover a problem, you fix it. When people picked on me, and you finally found out, you dealt with them by giving me the means to do something about my situation. You've never babied me, never made me feel like less than I am. Sure, things started off pretty rocky, but now?"

Sighing, I shrugged my shoulders. "You're better than this, Anko. You're better than that loser that plopped himself in your bed. You're better than everything dogging you down right now. I know you are."

At the end of my monologue, I gave her the slightest of smiles. "You're a go-getter. You can do anything you set your mind to. So, set your mind to not having sex with idiots for no reason other than to fill that empty part in your heart. I can't have sex with you or anything, and I won't even consider it, but I'm here whenever you need to talk, 'kay?"

Anko's eyes studied me searchingly before some of the shadows fled as she motioned for me to come closer. Her arms wrapped around my frame as she pulled me in close enough to feel her loving warmth. I nestled my face into niche between her shoulder and neck, my own hands clutching at the fabric of her shirt. One of her hands swept through my hair gently and I sighed softly.

"I love you, Anko," I murmured. "That won't change, even if you have sex with every man in the world. Make sure to do tightening exercises if that's your goal, though."

I heard the soft rumble of one of her rare chuckles. "When did you get to be so wise?"

"I woke up," I softly said, and it was true, both figuratively and technically speaking.

We continued to stay like that for a few more moments before she let go, a beautiful smile gracing her face. It was soft, sincere, and gentle, and I hadn't seen anything like it for a long time, since before my mission, even. She pushed me back with minimal force, nodding towards my clothes on the bed.

"Get dressed, so we can eat. We don't have much time left."

I gave her a grin and bounced backwards away from her before moving towards my clothing. I pulled my shirt up over my head, folding it and adding it on top of my pillow. Just as I was picking up my next article of clothing, I heard a sharp intake of breath from Anko as her eyes locked in on me, both narrowed deeply.

"What. Is. That?" she asked me, her words stilted.

With some befuddlement, I gave a sweep around my room with my eyes, frowning when I couldn't see what was so out of place. Anko was at my side in a flash, her hands grasping my arms as she turned me to face her fully. She slowly placed a finger against my stomach, its touch so soft that I backed away before I could let out any sort of embarrassing giggle. I patted my stomach and looked at her with annoyance.

"It's my stomach, thank you very much."

"Don't give me that," she snapped at me. "What the fuck is that scar? It's half the size of your entire damn torso!"

I looked down and understanding flooded me. "Eh. Kiri mission gone wrong. I told you my missions have a tendency to go awry."

"The fuck, Hotaru?" Anko barely managed to get out, what with how pissed off she suddenly was. "I didn't do that to you!"

"Nah, it was some other dude," I told her with a shrug. "But, I got healed. Problem solved."

She shook her head with obvious disbelief, her hand running down her face as she tried to get a hold of her emotions. Not bothering to move her hand away so I could see her expression.

"What was his name?" she muttered, most of the words muffled.

"Sorry, what?" I asked, before her hand slipped away from her face, showing an expression full of fury.

"His name," she repeated. "What was it? Do you know?"

I held up my hands placatingly, as I tended to do as of late. "Anko, listen, it's over and done, and –"

" _What was his goddamned name_?" she yelled out, surprising the hell out of me.

I hesitated half a beat before childishly shouting back, "Well, gee, I don't know, Anko. I was a _bit_ too busy getting sliced up to get his name!"

She flinched back as if I'd slapped her, and ran a hand through her hair, her jaw tightening.

"What else haven't you told me, I wonder?" she whispered harshly.

"Anko," I tried slowly, but she turned away from me, snarling that I get ready so we could leave.

I sighed when she left my room and looked down at the scar running along my stomach. Truthfully, I'd forgotten all about it. The fact that we'd _just_ made up and were back to square one again was not lost on me.

* * *

Anko and I approached the main gates at about ten 'til five, her refusing to, yet again, make eye contact with me. At least, this time it was because she was pissed and not stupidly guilty for something she had no reason to be guilty over. I trailed behind her by a few steps, my now lighter pack – Anko had promptly tossed out half of the shit I'd put in there, along with three-fourths of my snacks – hoisted on my shoulders. Two people waited at the guard station as we came up, and one was very familiar to me.

"Hitomi-sama!" I exclaimed with disbelief, causing the woman to turn and look at me, her mouth widening into a smile.

"Hotaru-chan," she replied easily, her confidence obvious.

I just stared at the woman all geared up, her own battle pack on her back. Just like yesterday, her hair was swept up into a high ponytail, her forehead protector securing it into place. I strode right up to her, a smile on my own face as I neared her.

"What are you doing here? You're coming with us?"

Hitomi chuckled and place a finger in front of her lips. "Shh. I'm technically not here. I'm not taking an active part in your mission, but I need to evaluate how you perform in a combative situation, psychologically and emotionally. Neither your sister nor your third party member are suited to such an analysis. I can also act as a med-nin if so necessary."

"Speaking of," interjected my sister, "who is our third teammate, for that matter?"

Hitomi's smile seemed to tighten but she turned her gaze to the man standing right next to her. Both Anko and I looked at the man, and I paid attention to his short dark locks and jet-black eyes. He wore a jounin vest, something that was made of tougher material than my own chuunin vest, a vest I'd made certain to leave at home because it was ugly as fuck. Anko hadn't been impressed, but nothing I'd done thus far impressed her today, so whatever. Bah, she hardly ever wore her vest either, so she could jump off a bridge for all I cared – as far as that was concerned, anyway.

The man's eyes flickered down to look at me, and he held eye contact with me for some time before closing both of his eyes.

"Greetings," he said, his voice soft, but full of authority. I noticed Anko stiffen just slightly when she heard his voice. "I am Uchiha Shisui. I will be the leader for this mission to Suna. I will also be in charge of evaluating your combative ability to ensure that it is up to par for your official rank, amongst other things."

He bowed his head slightly, and the three of us women automatically did the same in return. When he turned away to show the mission missive to the guards to prove we had authorization to leave the village, I saw Anko clench her hand into a fist.

"What's _he_ doing here?" she muttered under her breath. "Why isn't he on the front lines?"

Hitomi turned to her. "He was rotated out, just as you were. He will most likely return once this mission is completed."

My sister hardly looked satisfied with that answer, but hid her emotions behind a mask when Shisui returned and gestured for us to leave the village. He took point, and once he saw that we were ready to go, dashed down the path away from the gates. Both Anko and Hitomi matched his speed, and I came up along afterwards, trying to match him without taking off my seals. I hadn't actively used my body for a long while though, and it was like trying to kick an old engine back into gear.

Shisui leapt into the trees and we bounced up after him, our pace never slowing until we'd traveled for around four hours straight. I'd started growing winded at around two hours, and by the time we doubled that, I was barely making it from one branch to another. The Uchiha had long since noticed a ways before, but never said a word, and most certainly never tried to switch the tempo for yours truly. In fact, he still hadn't until I came to a complete halt, my hands on my knees as I breathed in and out harshly.

Anko, Hitomi, and Shisui looked back at me, almost unforgivably in my eyes, as I basically hacked out a lung. I took in a deep breath and held out a hand to silently ask for them to wait a bit longer. Shisui seemed less than impressed.

"You finally admit to your weakness?"

I coughed another couple of times before shaking my head. "No," I wheezed. "I'm good. Just, ugh, give me a few more secs. I'll be good to go real quick."

Anko seemed conflicted when Shisui narrowed his eyes at me and said, "Strength in oneself lies in being able to distinguish when one is at fault. You should have admitted that you could not keep up that pace hours ago."

I was taken aback by his frankness and the obvious disapproval in his voice, but he ignored me after that, instead looking at the other two women.

"We will rest here for now. Mitarashi...-san, please set up suitable traps around the area to ensure we are not ambushed. Hyuuga-sama, if you could perform a quick sweep of the perimeter to detect any possible chakra signatures? I will summon a hawk for casual passive surveillance."

"Sir," Anko murmured before vanishing from sight as the veins around Hitomi's eyes bulged when she activated her Byakugan.

Shisui glanced at me as he raised his thumb to his mouth. "As for you, go rest while we finish making preparations."

I kind of felt insulted that he'd written me off so quickly, but with Hitomi doing her job and Anko gone to make traps all over creation, there really wasn't much left for me to do. I was tired and didn't really have many skills under my belt. As Shisui brought forth one of his summons, a feeling of uselessness came over me. I hadn't felt like this for a while – Yugito had treated me like an equal, and Anko normally did as well. Hitomi had treated me like a kid, but obliged me most of my desires. Kurenai...was Kurenai. 'Nuff said. Shisui, though...

Turning away, I hopped down to the forest floor, took off my pack, and sat back against a tree trunk. I crossed my arms over my chest and breathed out a slow sigh. I felt, rather than saw, Shisui appear next to me. The man sat down on the floor, crossing his legs in front of him. Hitomi was right behind him, and she rested in a seiza position. About twenty minutes later, Anko flashed into existence, and shrugged off her pack as well. Shisui gave us all a cursory glance before pulling out a scroll and placing it on the grass in the middle of our circle.

"Despite the initial reasoning for it," he began, "this break comes at an opportune time. I'm not sure how much any of you were told about the parameters, beyond that it was a simple messenger mission."

When no one said anything, he tapped at the scroll. "This scroll holds important information concerning our fight against Kumo. While I won't say it's going altogether well for our side, Kumo is too cornered from our willingness to display their underhanded tactics with the world. We aren't the only village with doujutsu bloodline limits, nor will we be the last. If they are, under the guise of peace, willing to snatch at the children of the best village in existence, there's nothing stopping them from going into all of the other countries and doing much of the same."

Shisui sat back slightly. "Obviously, all of the major villages are aware of their treasonous ways. And, while they might have the power to hold off Kumo, the smaller villages most certainly don't, and this is to say nothing of even smaller sanctums that do not even have the manpower to be called a hidden village in the first place. One of our men on the inside acquired much desired information regarding the Raikage's intention of garnering even more power for their village." His gaze shifted to me quickly. "Including something called The Lost. From what we know, The Lost is a defunct program from many years ago, but many of the participants forced into it were not merely from Kumo. They were from Iwa, Suna, Uzushio. Name the country, and they most assuredly had someone from it."

This made me stiffen slightly, and Shisui eyes made contact with mine. There was nothing warm about his gaze, and I shivered involuntarily.

"Is there a problem, Mitarashi-kun?"

"Yugito said that what with the Raikage being new to his position, he wasn't aware of the crimes committed with that program," I mustered out. "That program was before he donned the hat, after all."

Shisui turned away. "Is that what the Jinchuuriki told you? Perhaps, at the time, it had been true. However, when our spy found his way into their record vault, there was more than just twenty-year-old information stored there. He had intentions to restore it back into actuality once he realized such a thing ever existed in the first place. Not only that, but Kumo has been making various plans concerning possible occupational strategies. There is little doubt in everyone's mind that Kumo is the powerhouse of all of the nations, the biggest one, in fact. It could, single-handedly, take down any country it chose. The only reason it doesn't is that the Raikage, on the outside, professes the to be beneath him. For someone who values power, such as himself, I find it disconcertingly hilarious that he would create such a front."

Hitomi made a small sound of understanding. "This scroll is more than simply important information from the Hokage to the Kazekage, but more a critical piece that may finalize the battle between all concerned countries. Ah, and Suna has the impenetrable prison buried under leagues of sand that cannot be opened without specific techniques – techniques only taught to specific people within that village. The moment it reached the Kazekage's hands, Kumo would never be able to get to the scroll without enlisting the help of other countries, but those countries would hardly deign to step in for Kumo's benefit once they found evidence of the country's deviousness."

"In which case," continued Anko, "not only is Kumo going to be attempting to retrieve the information, but that could go similarly for any other country that happens to catch wind that we have this valuable intel. Which means the most dire threat facing us will probably be..."

I caught on almost immediately. "Iwa. Not just them, either, but all of the other little villages around that might want in on a way to bring Kumo down."

"Exactly," agreed Shisui, nodding his head. "Well said. What other dangers might we face, aside of Iwa, Mitarashi-kun?"

I mentally brought up a map of the Elemental Nations in my head. "Possibly Tani, Ishi, Kusa? Ame's still suffering inner difficulties and probably won't be able to send out anyone of significance, but I'd say the second greatest threat would more than likely be Kusa. They also have a bunch of different poisons at their disposal, and without much real understanding of everything they know, we might be at a disadvantage. Plus, illusions are their forte as well."

The Uchiha gave me a short smile of approval at that. "Precisely. We won't truly be 'safe' until we're behind the walls of Suna's village. Unfortunately, due to no one's fault of their own, we'll have to take things a bit slowly. More than likely, we will need to make a pit stop every two to three hours, so that no one takes on too much fatigue. I estimate that, providing all goes well, we will reach Suna within five days, six days at the most."

I knew no one was blaming me, but I still felt bad about being the cause of our slow progress. If I only had a way to...

"Wait, there might be a way for me to keep up with all of you."

Three sets of eyes locked on me curiously, and I chuckled hesitantly.

"I's got summons?"

* * *

What do YOU think is going to happen over the course of Hotaru's mission? Will it go badly? How will it go badly? (I want to know your answer so I can laugh in your face.)

Also, when I read stories by new authors, I always wonder at _why_ they are all like, "OMG, TEN follows! You guys are so amazing!" Dudes and dudettes, don't limit yourself to such mediocrity! Shoot for the stars! I'm shooting for DoS's popularity. Will I ever make it that far? Nah. Will I sure as hell try? ...Sure. :)


	39. Chapter 39

Meh. Hi. I keep thinking I should make another SI story, but what fandom would it be in? Mass Effect? Uncharted? Sailor Moon? Another Naruto? Avatar: The Last Airbender? RWBY? Seriously curious if I should bother.

Guest reviews:

pUlpo801: Glad you liked it. Wish I could answer back in Spanish. :(

Cindy-chan: Whatchu talkin' 'bout? Hotaru NEVER gets in trouble. :)

* * *

I grimaced as I my hands made the different seals required for the summoning technique, inwardly wondering if the jaguars would be offended by my lack of communication. Looking over to my left, I saw my other three teammates waiting a ways away out of courtesy. A person's summons were a piece of themselves meant to be shared only with permission, especially at so early a point in the summon-summoner relationship. Chakra hummed at my fingertips, the only step left being the actual execution. Shisui had informed me to not use too much of my chakra at once, but because we were due to rest so often as thanks to my poor stamina and endurance, I would have ample time to regain all I had lost, providing nothing went wrong.

Taking in a deep breath, I clapped my hands together and then slammed my right one down on the ground.

"Kuchiyose no Jutsu!"

The kanji spread out from my hand, stretching as more and more black ink wrote itself across the grass and dirt. I waited for the expecting poof of the summon with all of the mystical smoke and wafting and whatnot, and was somewhat befuddled when nothing happened. I slowly, and very hesitantly, rose up from my kneeled position and stood up entirely, my eyes focused on the kanji that was now fading away from my very eyesight. At first, I wondered if I'd done something wrong. I'd felt the tug of chakra, felt it sucked away from my body, felt _something_ take place. Then, something inside me clicked, and I clapped my fist into my left hand. When I'd first met these creatures, I'd not been able to see their forms. Maybe they were hiding from me. That had to be it.

Accordingly, I looked around myself, trying to stretch out my senses as far as I could reach, which, albeit, wasn't altogether far. I made a small humming sound when I found there was nothing of any real notice. Was this a test? I guess they _could_ be rather angry that I hadn't said a word to them edgewise for the past month or so. I couldn't believe it was already May. I hoped these cats didn't hold a grudge like the cat I'd chased into a closet and then promptly forgot about for the next six hours.

In my defense, the cat had leapt from the _second story_ down _onto_ me, with its claws in prime position to dig into my clothes. This happened not once, but a number of times. It's not _my_ fault I forgot about it as I played Tetris on the original Game Boy. That game was fucking addicting. That cat had held onto that grudge for over twenty goddamned years, though. TWENTY. I'd been out of college and living a normal life in Japan before that cat finally stopped glaring at me.

So. I sincerely hoped that these cats would be nicer. However, these cats of mine were nowhere to be found.

I scratched the back of my head, confused. Turning around, I walked nearer to the rest of the squad, rubbing my hand through my hair all the while. Anko noticed me first, her eyebrow raised as there was obviously no summon walking at my heels. I looked at her for a second before turning my gaze over to the Hyuuga.

"Hey, Hitomi-sama," I started slowly, unwilling to admit that I might have messed up. "Do you see any chakra figures around the area?"

Both of her eyebrows rose with surprise and Shisui just tilted his head somewhat. He frowned. "You believe you failed with the application of the technique."

I shifted my attention away from the three. "...Maybe."

"Why do you think you failed?" he persisted.

"Because nothing happened," I admitted irritably. "The chakra left my body. The summoning kanji showed up plain as day. Even the minimalist of chakra should bring something, but there's nothing around. I don't want to have to–"

My body froze when I felt something tug at my chakra from within. The barest tinges of panic filtered through the back of my mind and I grabbed hold of Anko's hand, ignoring her subtle flinch.

"Hey, Anko?" I asked, trying to keep the desperation out of my words. "Hey, what's a reverse summoning feel like when you aren't trying to initiate contact for the first time?"

She frowned at me, her eyes narrowing slightly. "Why?"

"Because I think I –"

My words died at my lips when the environment around me changed so rapidly and abruptly that I was left reeling from experience. A groan slipped from me as I cradled my head in my hands to ease the spinning and disorientation. The next thing that hit me before I could adjust to the vertigo and slight ringing in my ears was the heavy, pressing blanket of dampness of humidity that reared its ugly head on me like a demon to an unsuspecting victim. I couldn't even follow the Shinobi Law of Order and situate myself for a possible ambush or whatnot because I was too busy considering the fact that I had somehow transported myself to the Amazon, a place that shouldn't exist on this planet.

With difficulty, I forced my eyes open, and the first thing I saw, besides the low-lighting, although there was actually plenty of natural light filtering in through the arching windows, was the massive red carpet laid out below me. The gold trim stared back at me mockingly, and I closed my eyes tightly as if to rid myself of the area around me. When I opened them again, I saw that nothing had changed whatsoever. My gaze then turned upwards bit by bit, until I officially saw two rows of proud jaguars sitting at attention all along the path.

Please don't let her be there. Please let it be some other official jaguar here to greet me.

I looked up, and when I made eye contact with her silver eyes, a sigh escaped from my mouth involuntarily.

Fudgemonkeys.

Ixchel stared back at me, her face devoid of emotion – not that I could read cat expressions very well. She didn't say anything whatsoever, but I just continued looking at her because what else was I supposed to do? Her eyes widened as the intensity scaled upwards and I frowned at this display, my eyes automatically narrowing as I tried to think of the point of whatever she was currently doing. I heard a few hitches in breath from jaguars at the sides of me, but ignored them for favor of the gigantic, humongous, enormous being spread out on her side in front of me. It wasn't until I saw a flash of her yellow teeth that I snapped my attention away from her gaze, instead taking in the way her tail was flicking about testily.

The pulse sped up noticeably as I looked around at the other jaguars, making eye contact with them, and, for a brief moment, they gazed back. Unlike me, though, they turned their gazes away immediately, save for a few here and there, and Gabor closed his eyes when I switched to him. I felt a palpable tension in the air, as if I'd missed something very, very important, and chanced another glance back at Ixchel. Her tail twitched intermittently and her eyes were narrowed and focused on me when I made eye contact again. The moment our eyes met, her eyes widened ridiculously as she bore her gaze down on me. My heart began to hammer within my chest as I felt a weight press down on my body firmly, her slit pupils focusing on me like a targeting system. I found that my hands were starting to tremble and it took some force to get them to clench tightly into a fist.

All of sudden, Ixchel bore her teeth at me, each one gleaming brightly as I stared back, and it crossed my mind briefly that I felt like I was feeling the killing intent of a thousand men at once. My own breath hitched as I struggled to control my emotions, but fear swept through my mind, cowing me, making me want to beg for my life and apologize for whatever I'd done wrong, and I was so sorry, and what was wrong with me, and what could I possibly have been thinking, and I just wanted to go home and –

"Enough."

The single word cut through my dreadful thoughts and I snapped back to reality, my head popping up from the carpet as I stared bewilderingly at it. I absently wondered when I had fallen down. The small, dark, round specks on the carpet caused me to touch my cheeks softly, and I found that I'd been crying, too. Yes, because crying would have saved me from a gruesome fate. I clenched my jaw as I stood up, shame welling within me. I had been too weak to cancel out the killing intent, too unfocused, too raw.

"Look at me, child," came Ixchel's soft voice, the tone gentler than I'd ever heard from her before.

I hesitated, but did as she had demanded of me, my eyes meeting hers briefly before I looked away quickly. My heart was still ramming within my chest.

Ixchel cleared her throat just the slightest. "Are you aware that the feline species is one that is slow to trust others, specifically those not of their own?"

A rhetorical question.

"When you first came here, muddy, dirtied with sweat and matted blood, your mouth sharper than your wit and sheer ignorance could compare, I chose to give you a chance. My reasoning was that you are young, you will learn with time, with guidance. Trust cannot be formed without first lending a paw baring an olive branch. With the white flag of truce, both parties can instead look outward around them, understanding that regardless of the circumstances, and differences, there are still similarities amongst them. Thus, I chose to trust you, tentatively. I made you promise to summon us, to seal the deal. Do you recall?"

I grit my teeth and lifted my gaze. "I didn't forget! I'd meant to, but, I –!"

Ixchel's scoff cut me off, and I looked downward again. She spoke again: "Humans – so quick to ready an excuse."

"It's not an excuse!" I shouted, starting to lose my temper. "For someone supposedly so focused on cross-species interactions and trustworthiness, you seem pretty intent on believing that I've purposefully wronged all of you and just blatantly ignored our deal! I have _not_ reneged on our deal, but I was in no position to summon anyone for anything!"

"Is that so?" Ixchel murmured inquiringly. "What was it you were so busy doing that you couldn't take a moment out of your packed schedule to summon one of my children?"

I opened my mouth to tell her I'd been busy dealing with mental trauma, kicking the figurative asses of my fears, making sure that I could operate as a normal human being, that I could be _me_ , but the words died at my lips. Ixchel's eyes peered down piercingly, as if they could see straight through and into me, into my very soul. I wanted to tell her to shove her idiotic concoctions on why I would have ignored the very first summoning contract I'd ever managed. I wanted to tell her that she didn't know the half of what I'd suffered over the past few month, but the shame I'd felt over the fact that I truly hadn't made good on my half of the promise floated through me heavily. My imprisonment may have given me an excuse, because I legitimately could not have used chakra back then, but what about when I was with the Hyuugas? I might have been clinically insane during my stay, but surely I could have asked Hitomi to help me do that much?

Then, there was the shame and humiliation that I wasn't even solid enough to take care of myself, and if I was indeed the first summoner these cats had ever had, what kind of impression would that make on them for their first to be that of a mentally unsound person? I had not, honestly, been in my right mind to see to a summoning, and treat them with the respect they deserved. It was difficult to admit, alarmingly so. I hadn't had the self-control, and I was not one to want anyone to see any weakness of mine. I genuinely hated, _loathed_ , the idea of someone seeing that side of me. In all actuality, I would've risked a hundred years of Ixchel's ire to make sure that part of me stayed hidden from view.

I really did want to tell her to shove it. That she was wrong. That she had no clue, but without proper reasoning, she'd never buy it. I didn't think she'd believe me even if I did tell her, even if I _was_ upfront with my issues. No one wants to admit that there's something wrong with themselves. If even you, yourself, couldn't believe in the conviction that you held worth and that there was nothing abnormal as a whole about you, then what would others think? Their trust and loyalty in you would waver until there was nothing left, and then they would leave you. Once they were gone, others would go and soon, trustworthiness would be the last of a person's concern as loneliness would become synonymous with everyday life.

I could almost feel the figurative light bulb switch on in my mind, the fact that my unwillingness to trust was not the biggest issue, but that I simply did not wish to lose what little I had. I had very little in this world to claim as my own. I had my sister, but I'd lost my brother, mother, and father. I'd had a genin team, but I'd become a chuunin and lost the potential to become close to my comrades, despite absolutely despising one of them. I'd had friends, but it had been so long since I'd last seen them, that who was to say we were still friends? I kind of had the Yamanakas and Hyuugas, but one wrong step could land me in hot water with either clan. Then again, all of these people were relationships I'd gained through circumstance, not of my own ability. That was to say nothing of my previous life and everything I'd lost back then.

It was really kind of morbidly amusing how childish I was being. I knew that trusting my summons first would show how devoted I was to rekindling this possible relationship, but I was so fearful of the idea that I would lose them through my honesty that I just wanted to shove all those thoughts away and just lie.

My shoulders hunched as I inevitably said nothing whatsoever.

"Hmm," Ixchel muttered. "It seems you are all talk and of little action. I suppose you simply did forget, then."

The words irritated me and I kept my gaze focused on the ground. "I didn't."

"Then where were you? What were you doing?"

I didn't answer. I couldn't. Who would trust someone who couldn't keep a handle on themselves? I certainly wouldn't, or couldn't.

"I suppose then," she continued, "that I will just have to annul the contract."

Those words sent ice roaring through my body and I looked up with an edge of panic. "What? No! Please! Just give me another chance!"

Ixchel snorted. "And whyever would I? You have been quite clear with your actions. My children can do much better than you."

I thought to denounce those words of hers, but just ended up bowing my head, whispering dispiritedly, "I suppose they can."

There was silence and I took that to mean she'd taken my words to heart and that it was time to take my leave. I briefly thought about asking if she could send me back, or someone, since I didn't know how, but I held my tongue. If she was annulling the contract, then she was under no obligation to do so, nor anyone else for that matter. I ran my hand through my hair, a nervous tick that I couldn't get over, and bowed a bit more deeply before turning around without making eye contact with a single one of the felines.

"Did you truly forget?"

Her voice stopped me in my tracks, and I grimaced. Perhaps, technically, I had. I was at fault here.

I chose not to answer and continued walking away.

"Did you or did you not?"

I bit my upper lip – another nervous tick. My chest heaved as I let out a sigh. I couldn't bear to face her though, so I just whispered to myself,

"...Yes."

"Why?"

"Because," I murmured, paying firm attention to the ground, "I was concentrating on making myself better. I wasn't in a good condition, and I just... That isn't the person I would've wanted you to see. I hated the mess I'd been. Summons deserve to have a summoner who won't go psycho on them. You guys deserve someone who will carry his or her own weight."

"Is that person not you?"

That made me frown a bit. Did it even matter? I turned back to look at her with a bit of confusion. "I don't understand your question. I thought you said we were done."

Ixchel almost seemed both bored and amused at the same time. "Why did you want a summon, Mitarashi Hotaru?"

I frowned more deeply. "Because... Because I want to help those around me without causing them harm. I need strength, but I don't want to have to forsake anyone to get it."

"So, why then, would you ignore the one chance you have to do so, and lie about your willingness?"

"I didn't ignore –!" I protested. "I wasn't... I never meant for... I just wanted..."

I didn't even know what I wanted, I guess. I really was trying, but it just was never enough. I kept messing up.

"I'm sorry," I eventually said, for lack of anything better to say. "I just... I didn't want you to see me like...like that. I hate being weak. I hate being less than everyone else. I hate being..."

Useless. Stupid. Pathetic. I had to use others to rise up in the world. I never acquired power out of my own ability. I hated admitting to that fault. Everyone else was growing stronger on their own all around me, but I kept falling further behind because of my incapability to manage anything on my own. I really, really hated that.

"Do you feel better after your rehabilitation?" asked the gigantic cat, and I opened my mouth to answer forlornly before my brain fully analyzed and processed her question.

I sputtered with disbelief. "H-how did you...?"

Ixchel's mouth widened into a semblance of a smile. "When so much time had gone by without a word from you, I grew concerned and sent Gabor to study the situation. He informed me of your suffering, and what you have managed to overcome."

I don't think my jaw could have hung any lower, my surprise was so great. I immediately turned to stare at the large male cat, and he met my gaze so evenly that I was forced to look away, my face heating up as I realized he'd seen me at quite possibly my worst.

"You did well to conquer your fears and weaknesses," Gabor said, something present in his voice that I couldn't properly categorize.

His words took me by surprise and I swung back around to look up at Ixchel again, and she nodded her agreement just barely. The fact that she conceded over the matter had a feeling deep within me threaten to rise and take control, and I bit on my bottom lip to contain my emotions. I'd gone from feeling like the biggest piece of poop to feeling like I was...accepted, despite my weaknesses and issues. It was, an odd feeling, overall. I wasn't sure how to take it in.

I hesitated, my fists clenched tightly at my sides. "Th-then, why... If you knew all this time, why did you...?"

"I told you before, did I not?" Ixchel asked me seriously. "I took a chance with you, holding out the proverbial olive branch, if you will. What I wanted to know, was whether you would take a chance with me and mine, in return."

I was floored, and a little irritated because I'd really been scared that I'd messed everything up. It must have showed on my face or in my body language, as she clucked her tongue.

"Hmph," she harrumphed. "You weren't about to tell me on your own, and if you were willing to hide something like this from me, what's to say you won't hide something even more important, like your physical condition? Who's to say you won't try to act as if there is nothing wrong, when there, in fact, very much is? We must be completely honest with one another – our lives are on the line, after all."

This filled me with chagrin, but she stamped that out of existence by saying, "Our lives. Yours included."

"What?" I asked unintelligibly. "Mine...?"

"You, too, are one of my children," Ixchel informed me gently. "We are contracted now, are we not?"

At first, I was frozen cold because I couldn't believe what she'd just said, but then joy warmed me from the inside-out, and I could barely stop a smile from erupting across my face. Ixchel's tail flicked at something and then, a sleek beast walked up to sit on its haunches next to me. I flinched when I saw the jaguar right next to me, and its golden eyes peered back at me before breaking eye contact a few seconds later.

"This is Citlali," Ixchel said by way of introduction. "She will be the partner you call on first and foremost, and will attend to your needs. Let it not need be said that I am trusting you to see to whatever problems she may have as well."

I was surprised – I'd never known that summoners were given standard partners to rely on as a whole. Perhaps it was just a jaguar thing? Whatever the case, I turned to Citlali and gave my best impression of a smile.

"Hey. Here's to partners?"

She nodded her head and turned away, leaving me feeling as if this was just a one-way street with illegible instructions. Gabor took notice of my befuddlement.

"She does not speak," he said quietly. "But worry not, she will let you know when there is a problem, and she is more than capable of assisting you."

Citlali refused to make eye contact with me and I held back my sigh. Turning back to Ixchel when she cleared her throat, I found her smiling at me.

"I wish you well, young one," she said. "Citlali will guide you back and stay with you until either her chakra fades or you dismiss her. Take care."

I nodded and turned to talk to Citlali, but the jaguar was already walking away. My hand wavered in the air lamely and this time, I did let out a sigh. As I made to follow her though, Ixchel called for my attention once again.

"Just so you know, young one," the gigantic cat started, "staring is rude. Some may attempt to kill you for it."

The words of advice made me tilt my head in confusion, but with Citlali's tail wrapped loosely around my left wrist, I hadn't any time to voice said thoughts as my environment shifted just as quickly as earlier. I stared blankly at the three shinobi who were looking at m as if I were a threat, and then yawned loudly.

"Hey guys, I'm back," I said unnecessarily.

While Anko glared at me, her eyes narrowing into slits, Shisui hardly seem ruffled in the slightest, his eyes looking around almost lazily for something before landing back onto me.

"Hmm," he said. "You were reverse summoned, then. Did everything go well?"

"Kind of?" I managed to say, my eyes taken in the tightness at the corner of Hitomi's eyes where her concern was most obvious. "Could've gone better, I guess."

The Uchiha nodded, as if the answer was nothing short of obvious. "Will you need to perform the jutsu once more to summon, or have you chosen to forego that route?"

I blinked and looked at my side at Citlali, who sat there and pretty much just ignored everyone. "What are you talking about? She's right here."

 _That_ got their attention very quickly, if nothing else. Three sets of eyes searched around me, and even Anko looked doubtful until I waved my hand in my summon's general direction. Citlali did not take kindly to that and her mouth promptly found my fingers and bit down onto them. Hard.

" _Ow_! What the flying –?" I shrieked out, jumping away from the damn beast as I held up my hand and stared at the blood seeping out of the skin.

I glared at Citlali even as Hitomi took my hand in hers and a green glow surrounded my extremity, warmth encircling each finger. Citlali still didn't look at me even after that, her eyes closed to everything around her. Even as Anko looked ready to pound my summon into the dirt, a summon she apparently couldn't see, Shisui only looked thoughtful. Within half a heartbeat, Citlali was on all fours, her teeth bared at Shisui without him any the wiser, and I looked alarmingly at him.

"Wait, what are you doing? She just freaked out."

He hummed slightly. "I was going to look at her with my Sharingan. Something must be preventing non-contractors from seeing their form."

I eyed my summon warily. "Could you not, please? Citl–"

I paused when she, in turn, bared her teeth at me instead. I held up my hands placatingly as I backed up. "Sorry, sorry. No names. I get it. Fine. Whatever."

Shisui frowned. "Will she be carrying you? We need to get moving."

Citlali had stopped more or less glaring at me, and I hoped that meant she would, indeed, be doing exactly that. She didn't say anything to confirm the matter for me, though. I massaged my newly healed fingers, scowling deeply at the new pest I'd acquired.

"...Probably."

"Then, we move out, now."

Hitomi touched the crown of my head softly before turning away, and Anko gave me an indecipherable look. Her brow furrowed, but she didn't say anything, and just moved with the others to get our packs together. I took one last look at Citlali, but she firmly ignored me as if to say she hated my guts.

Yeah, well, I don't like you either. So, there.

* * *

Rant: I'm running out of good SI Naruto fics to read. I needs more.

Rave: So, bought this new game called Grand Kingdom on a whim. It, is, FUN. I sunk six hours into it today without realizing the time. It's a wartime tactics RPG. It's currently only in Japanese at the moment, but I believe the English version is coming out in June? If you have the time and money, go buy it from play-asia or something. It's a good find. I love it. My fighters are so cute. My rogue is super strong, but she always gets fucked both ways because my other people aren't fast enough to get over and help her. ;_;

Question: What do you think makes up a good SI fic?


	40. Chapter 40

I'm tired. You tired? Yeah, let's be tired together.

So, here's how it'll go. I kind of dropped the ball - I'd meant to post a chapter much earlier, so to compensate, I'll make the goals 1,000th and 1,010th reviewer gets to come with an omake idea that I will write and post with the subsequent chapters. The omake can be anything, I guess, so long as it does not involve the POV of other characters. I wrote this story with the express intent that it only be told from Hotaru's viewpoint. Anyway: 1000th and 1010th reviewer (1010 to make up for the 1000th follower that I kind of just...missed).

Thanks for all of your answers concerning the SI thing. I appreciated them. :)

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Guest: ATLA, huh? Hmm, I'd have to think about that one.

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* * *

"I've cast away the die, hampered by my constant lies. Lady Luck, she is never on my side, the only route left unto myself would be to abide. I could push forth, I could attempt for more, but I worry that even despite my struggles, I will never yet settle the score. Would it be more fortuitous, more redeeming to simply be, rather than try harder than I can to run off and flee? That which watches me from afar, in the sky up high above, tell me what path lies ahead, that sun I have always loved."

Ugh.

I was not in a good mood. After summoning Citlali, she had been able to carry me far enough, fast enough, and long enough to shave down our travel time by what would have taken me nearly four to five days on my own two legs. I mean, while I'm glad she wasn't a cheetah and couldn't manage 120 kilometers per hour as a base speed without the use of chakra, I had hardly been prepared for her ridiculous bounding from tree branch to trunk to branch and so forth. It had been like trying to attach myself to a rollercoaster ride with just chakra – correction. It had been _exactly_ like that.

The clincher had been that the bitch just downright hated me, and I knew she did because a lot of those twists and turns in the air had been totally unnecessary. I'd fallen off more than once. Credit where it's due: she never once allowed me to fall and get hurt. Never. _But_ , any time we stopped to rest and I got anywhere within a couple of meters of her, she glared at me with those golden eyes until I slunk away. I'd finally had to say "fuck it" and let the summon go. She was unhappy with me, I was ticked off with her, and the tension wasn't helping me connect with my teammates.

So, I wasn't in a good mood. Far from it. I was in a terrible, horribly pissy, slightly I-will-kill-the-next-thing-that-dares-to-even-look-at-me kind of mood. It wasn't bad enough that my summon was a straight-up asshole of a cat, but my sister still wasn't talking to me aside of a few mandatory words, Hitomi kept psychoanalyzing me, Shisui watched my every movement like a hawk, and to top it all off, we were all sitting around a small campfire located just six hours away from Sunagakure, shivering our asses off in the cold, desert night. There was nothing to do or take interest in with an area of _sand_ as far as the eye could see. I couldn't even see the village yet – we were that far away, still.

Suna could go fuck itself.

I buried deeper into Anko's side, enough for her to let out a small hiss of pain. She'd tried pushing me away three times already, even after I'd complained about how cold I was. I answered that by slipping my freezing fingers under her fishnet and thin shirt, right onto her bare skin. The resulting small shriek and fierce glare satisfied me, but after that, she didn't bother pushing me away anymore.

"I never have liked the desert environment," Hitomi said softly, her eyes sweeping around every so often. "It's too open – it feels as if we have little by way of defense."

Shisui nodded slowly. "An understandable concern. I would have much preferred to push onward, but I am concerned about the state of affairs in Sunagakure. On one hand, being so far away, we will be tired once we arrive there tomorrow, but if we had continued on tonight and something had taken place, we would be much more refreshed after a six hour journey as opposed to a fifteen hour one. That is to say nothing of the possible trouble along the way."

"You seem wary, Uchiha-san," my sister pointed out, her voice low. "Is there something about our mission that bothers you?"

"Truthfully," he began, meeting her gaze, "I had expected to face some resistance by this point, but it has been clear so far. That is...concerning."

"You're referring to the lack of response of other countries," surmised Hitomi with a small frown. "Truth be told, I am inclined to agree. If ever there were a time to launch an ambush, I would have assumed it would've been once we were out of the boundaries of Fire Country, but before we reached the border of Wind Country. What could they be waiting for?"

Anko hummed softly, her brow furrowing as she thought. A few moments later, she looked at the other two adults. "Who's to say they aren't waiting for when we do happen to deliver the information? No one, since the day it was first made, has managed to crack into that prison of information. It's literally a goldmine that could topple Suna and any of its allies, most namely being Konoha. Suna also has, at its disposable, a lot of information concerning medical advances, mining techniques, jutsu that are focused on the usage of sand, and a number of other things that could give anyone an edge."

I narrowed my eyes. "It's a treasure trove, but because it's literally covered with sand, no one has the ability to get at it. The moment that Suna opens that hatch, we're looking at a Pandora's box for sure."

I received some blank stares with that analogy, but I waved the confusion away. "All it takes is a radioed message and the place will be teeming with enemy ninjas everywhere."

"True," Shisui agreed with a short nod. "With Suna's main force off in Kumo, they'll be relatively unprotected from hostiles. Of course, it would make the most sense to simply keep a perimeter watch once they attempt to unearth the prison, but if even one enemy manages to squeeze through and take the information, there is little guarantee that in the ensuing chaos, we'll be able to find him, or her, again.

"On top of that, Suna lost a heavy percentage of their shinobi in the third war. With a majority of the remaining gone..." continued Hitomi, "...there is probably not a lot they can do to support us. Suna has its civilians to consider after all."

"Not to mention border patrol," I added.

Anko shook her head. "It'd be in our favor not to rely on them whatsoever. I'm more concerned about the enemies most likely to assault us."

The lone Uchiha reached into his pack and brought out a folded up map, smoothing it out as he laid it down on the sand for all of us to look at. "I believe our worst offenders will be Iwa and Kusa. Tani simply doesn't have the resources to really spare, and if we happen to overcome our difficulties against Kumo, the backlash against Tani would be far too great. They are a minor village – not near big enough to come anywhere close to being anything but a nuisance against our force. Like Mitarashi-kun pointed out some time ago, Ame has its own conflicts to consider, so I highly doubt they'll bother joining the fray. I can't say I know much about Ishi, but considering their positioning, it would make more sense for them to cooperate with Iwa, so I suppose we should probably expect pressure from them as well."

"Ishi would get crushed if Iwa decided to go all out against Suna," I murmured.

My sister stared hard at the map, her eyes completely focused. "All of them would be approaching from the north. It would take too much time for any of them to go around and try to oblique or flank Suna. If Kusa is also trying to get at the information, Iwa would either have to go straight south, possibly through Ishi's territory, go around its borders, or head through the borders of Taki, the Fire Country, and back around through Rivers Country."

"Speaking of time," I inserted, "how long ago could outside ears have possibly learnt about this scroll?"

The other three looked at one another silently before looking back at me.

Hitomi didn't smile, but neither did she appear irritated by the question. "You're wondering about our movement time in relation to when ninja from other countries might have set off towards Suna, right? Even if we take into consideration the possible delay, we can't say for sure how many spies or foreign shinobi might already be within the borders of Suna. Two quick summons, one to their headquarters, and one to the spies, would allow them to set up an attack line."

"You are naïve to believe this conflict could be so easily avoided," Shisui admonished. "Things in life are never so simple."

Narrowing my eyes again, I turned my glare onto him. "Things in life don't always have to be grey. It just so happens to be that they usually are."

He closed his eyes and turned away. "Cherish that naivety of yours. The day will come that you will truly miss it."

I chose to clamp my mouth shut, gritting my teeth as I turned away. Honestly, I'd known that it was a far shot for us to just get there, open the prison, and get out faster than the enemy could plan for. I just didn't want to be blatantly told how obviously stupid that wish was. Turning away, I pulled my pack close to me and tried to nestle in closer to the fire.

"Enough speculation for the evening," our leader announced. "As everyone is obviously well-aware, we are sitting geese out here in the middle of nowhere, with nothing to act as cover. Much as I would love to extinguish the campfire, none of us are used to how cold it can get in the desert, even in the middle of May. Please be vigilant in your watches. Let's see..."

He paused before looking at me. "You take first watch, Mitarashi-kun. Second watch goes to Hyuuga-sama, third to Mitarashi-san, and fourth will be me. Rest up."

My Hyuuga psych made a rare frown as she shifted. "Something about this all just feels wrong..."

I sighed inwardly, letting out a yawn even as I watched as the other three set up their sleeping bags near the fire. I waited for some time before I heard their breathing slowly begin to even out, and it was then that I pushed myself to my feet, another silent yawn escaping my lips. I hated guard duty, but first watch was always the best, because you could sleep straight through the rest of the night without interruption, normally.

Stretching my arms high above my head, I cracked my neck and began to circle around the camp. I realized I was needlessly wasting energy, but Hitomi's words kept running through my mind, haunting me. I didn't like the feeling that something could go wrong at any time, especially during my watch. I'd rather that if something _did_ go wrong, that it happened to someone else and not the obvious noob.

After walking around a few more times and staring out into the dark expanse silently, I retreated to my former place by the fire, my hand digging into my pack for my own copy of the world map. I unfolded it entirely and focused down on the placements of every country, my finger trailing down and around possible paths the foreign shinobi could take to get to Suna, and there were honestly a lot of them. The mountain ranges in Iwa along the border between Earth Country and Wind Country bothered me some. All things considered, the mountains bottlenecked possible routes to filtering through Ishi for sure, but there was one other possible route out through the borders of a nameless land. I was curious as to how fortified Wind Country was along that part of the region. Iwa could march an entire platoon through without notice until they reached the first guard stations.

I glanced up from the map briefly and put it down on the sand to get up and walk along the perimeter again. I had to keep moving, because if I just focused on one thing, I would lose all track of time and my surroundings. It sucked when I had a certain train of thought that needed to be followed no matter what, but I wasn't at home in the apartment – I wasn't in a position to let my guard down. Although, I thought as I looked down at the three sleeping individuals, I had no doubt that if something happened, they'd all be on their feet in the thick of things before I even figured out what the hell was going on.

Half an hour later found me back in front of the map as I tried to further analyze our current predicament and what we might soon face. My stomach grumbled just loud enough to knock me out of my brainstorming and I turned to rummage around in my pack for sustenance. I blew a quiet raspberry at my sister because, quite contrary to what she told me, I was running out of nutrition bars. Of course, I'd have far more if she hadn't _tossed them out of my pack_. Seriously, who does that? What the hell else had she expected me to eat? I'm sure scorpions were nice and crunchy and all, but they didn't contain much as far as meat was concerned. I needed _meat_. And if I wasn't going to get meat, I needed something else that would keep my mouth full.

And, wow. That sounded stupidly wrong.

I munched on the disgusting tasting terrible thing that was full of complex carbs, a buttload of essential vitamins, and whatever else would keep me going for a while. I stuffed the wrapper into a side pocket and stood up for yet another round. Turning around to look out into the distance, I sighed and turned my gaze upwards to look at the endlessly stretching dark sky complete with balls of gas burning billions of miles away. Or they could be a bunch of royal dead guys staring down at all of us, watching us. The thought made me smile.

I yawned again, looking for the moon so I could judge the time by its position. Rubbing the back of my head, I realized it was practically time to switch to the next person. Just another ten minutes or so. I couldn't wait to get some shuteye. Plopping my butt down onto the sand, I watched the sand as I saw sand scorpions twittering here and there. A kunai in my hand, I was ready to end all of their lives – and possibly eat them – if they came too close. Most of them tittered around the camp before digging into the dirt once the light of the fire hit them. The last one kind of danced around and as it came within a couple of meters of me, I raised my kunai warningly – not that I actually believed the stupid thing would notice, or care, for that matter.

It didn't. It teetered even closer and so I threw my weapon at it, plopping it right through its main body. I was about to stand up to reach for it – because hey, fried scorpion, right? – when it poofed with a puff of smoke. My grin fell from my face so fast as I was on my feet within half a beat. I looked around, dashing forward to pluck my kunai out of the sand as I tried to narrow down any hostiles within the area. My pulse raced as I slowly shifted backward towards Hitomi, and I tapped her twice on the shoulder in rapid succession. Her eyes were open and looking at me immediately as she quickly took in my alert state.

"Situation?" she whispered so softly, I barely heard her.

"Possible reconnaissance summon," I told her, still focused on the distance. "Fully integrated with the movements of other scorpions until they hid from the campfire's light and it didn't. Upon approach, I attempted to kill it, but it popped with a puff of smoke."

Hitomi was out of her bag before I'd even finished my explanation, her Byakugan activated. "How long ago did you notice the scorpions?"

"Approximately half an hour ago."

"Direction?"

"Southwest."

She was silent afterwards and I saw her pale eyes shift to and fro by barely a fraction. After a short while, the veins around her eyes receded and she shook her head. "I did not see anything within around a ten-kilometer radius. For now, get some rest. I will stay on alert in the meantime."

I nodded slowly, feeling unsure as I glanced back out into the darkness. A hand on my shoulder made me look at the older woman again, my eyebrows raised in question. Hitomi smiled.

"You did well."

This made me frown. "But, I didn't actually do anything."

"You did as you were expected to do," Hitomi told me. "You didn't try to be a hero. That's the first step to staying alive."

...I was not going to be the one to tell her that I'd jumped in front of a giant sword for the benefit of a mud clone. Nope. Nope, nope, nope.

Eh, that hadn't been one of my _brighter_ moments.

She gestured for me to get some sleep, so I cautiously moved to my sleeping bag and rolled it out. After I'd crawled into it, with the zipper sealing it all the way near my head, I twisted to look over at Hitomi who was looking out into the darkness. She seemed colder as her hair billowed softly with the gentle breeze, her shoulder square and her posture straight. It reminded me that despite the fact that she was a loving, caring mother and someone who had nursed me back to health, the Hyuuga matriarch was a cold-blooded killer. But then again, I supposed we all were – even me, now. I turned my gaze to my sister only for her to make eye contact with me. We looked at one another for a moment before she closed her eyes and turned around.

I couldn't help but frown, but I shifted onto my side, the nagging worry that something bad was going to happen harping at me in the back of my mind. With that worry left to continue bothering me, I slowly closed my eyes.

* * *

Two pats to my shoulder had me waking up with a fierce disorientation, and I'd tried to leap to my feet, only to forget I was tucked into my sleeping bag. I'd promptly fallen on my face, left to realize that despite how soft it looks, sand is fucking unforgiving and _hard_.

Someone was kind enough to unzip my bag, but I could only let out a sigh. Grumbling to myself, I tried to wipe away the residue sand from my face and forced myself to my feet. No one mentioned my display of crazy clumsiness and I silently rolled up my bag, my body feeling like shit. I mean, I'd slept, but after the long run after calling off Citlali, my body was exhausted and that six hour stint of sleep felt more akin to half an hour. I sniffed a little as I pulled my pack onto my shoulders and stared uncomprehendingly at my surroundings.

"I see," Shisui was saying. "I did not notice anything else either – perhaps they believed that a small scorpion would not be worth notice. Admittedly, I would not have thought much of it."

"It might not have even been a summon," Anko interjected. "It could have very well have been some kind of bunshin that was transformed to look like a scorpion."

Hitomi clucked her tongue as she nodded, taking the consideration seriously. "That would make more sense. If someone simply wanted to get into our camp and retrieve the information without trying to get rid of us, that would be more plausible than coming with an intent to kill."

"If they came in with guns blazing, you guys would've felt them from kilometers away," I said, my words slow and drowsy. "They'd be a-firin' their lasers."

For the second time in less than twelve hours, the three adults stared at me strangely, as if I was speaking a different language. Hell, maybe I was. The fact that I mentally felt as slow as a sloth more than likely didn't help any.

"We need to move, regardless," our team leader said with his same humorless tone. "Whether that contact was a bunshin or a summon, we are now quite aware that the enemy, whomever they may be, both know where we currently are located, how many of us there are, and how long it will take us to reach the village. They may, quite possibly, also have knowledge of our previous conversation, and whatever loopholes may come from that. There is a chance that this mission may sudden increase in its assigned rank. Regardless of how safe we may feel within the village's walls, please keep in mind that there could be spies anywhere in the vicinity. Do not drop your guard, no matter who you are with, no matter how trustworthy they may seem."

With that in mind, the four of us, after erasing all signs of our camp, leapt into action to begin our journey towards Suna. It was a straight shot – a very long, tedious, and tiring one, but one that avoided all of the small towns along the way. Shisui guided us in a manner that would always keep us in the middle of nowhere – yes, we could have been spotted and attacked, but we were practically guaranteed to see the enemy before they saw us. Even if we didn't, I had three veterans ready to take up the reigns and I could go invisible if need be. Wasn't sure how much help I would prove to be, but, the thought was there, regardless.

An escort met up with us two hours out from the village, complete with two men and a single woman. One of the men honestly looked incredibly feminine to me, with his shoulder-length, sandy-blond hair, and his violet eyes kind of freaked me out. He'd called himself Yashamaru. I knew that name. I didn't want to know that name.

The second man had short, brilliantly white locks pushed up by his hitai-ate, and his teal-green eyes looked at us blankly, as if unwilling to acknowledge our existence. His name was apparently Touya. Didn't know him, didn't care. The last woman was also not really of any consequence to me. Her chestnut hair was pulled back into a ponytail and she never opened her eyes. She, uh, "looked" at us with a frown on her face, but didn't say anything untoward – only her name which was Nanako.

"Four members," began Yashamaru in a quiet voice. "An Uchiha, a Hyuuga, and two lesser clan individuals by the name of Mitarashi. Am I correct?"

Shisui nodded. "Correct. You are our liaison?"

"Perhaps. Authentication papers, please."

I grunted as I reached around me to pull out my ninja ID and show it to the man. He took all of our IDs in hand and gave them a once-over before giving a firm nod and handing them back politely.

Yashamaru nodded back at his two cohorts and then faced us again. "And the mission target?"

"Secured," the Uchiha said smoothly.

"For all of our sakes, I should hope so," the feminine man finally replied. "I understand you are all tired, but it is not too much further to the village. Another two hours perhaps."

I couldn't have been the only one who wanted to groan at that. The sun was high up in the sky at this point, and I didn't have a hat handy to keep the rays from beating down on my head. I glanced up at my sister but she just stood there silently, hardly looking uncomfortable at all despite the fact that beads of sweat were sliding down her face. Did that kind of resilience come from experience, or was I just really that fidgety and whiney? Of course, I probably was, but come on. I hadn't faced heat like this since Texas, and even still, definitely not in my current body.

I didn't let a single word escape my lips though, merely pushing forward my exhausted body to travel at a semi-full speed towards a speck off in the distance. Dare I say, however, that the moment I saw the tall walls that surrounded Sunagakure, I felt like singing with elation? Or dropping due to exhaustion, because that was a definite possibility, too.

As soon as we cleared the gates, I was ready to fall to the ground and curl up there. But _no_ , we had to go immediately report to the Kazekage – the same whacko who basically tortures his now four-year-old son. Bad enough the kid has a demon inside of him, but _no_ , he has to have a crazy father, too. I slid my gaze over to look at Yashamaru who was leading us through the village to where the Kazekage was and frowned.

Then, there was _this_ dude. He tried to eliminate Gaara and got killed himself. My frown deepened as I turned away. Even if there was something that I could do about it, was it my place to bother? I mean, the only reason I saved Hinata, and consequently started a war that should never have existed, was because I wasn't terrible enough to just leave a three-year-old child to a pack of wolves. I clenched my hands into fists as I walked. I didn't want to get caught up in the main character crap, and besides, Yashamaru had been operating under the Kazekage's orders. How was I supposed to oppose that? I wasn't.

I had my own issues to deal with. I wanted to one day kill Danzo, kick Orochimaru in the balls, shoot Shikaku in the balls, punch the Hokage in the face, punch the _Raikage_ in the face, settle down with Yugito as my sister-slash-romance-interest (hah, that wasn't happening), and other "important" things. I also wanted to be a true and genuine family with my sister at my side. I wanted to live and survive. Challenging the Kazekage, interfering in his plans for his son, garnering the wrong attention like that, that was not the way for me to survive.

No, it was unfortunate, but Gaara was on his own. Yashamaru was on his own. I wasn't involved. Besides, Naruto solved all of that the first time. No, I wasn't getting involved.

* * *

I stared blankly at the small blonde in front of me and the boy right behind her. The second we entered the building, she came forward resolutely to wrap her arms around Yashamaru, exclaiming,

"Uncle Yashamaru, you're back!"

"Temari," he responded in kind. "We will talk later. Shouldn't you be in school?"

"Silly!" she reprimanded him. "School's out today, remember? It's the holiday! Kankuro's birthday party is in two days – are you coming?"

He chuckled as I continued to stare at the small blonde girl, completely bewildered. "We shall see. For now, though, I have work to do. We will discuss this later."

Temari smiled happily before her eyes found me and the smile fled from her face. I saw her green orbs flick upwards to look at my forehead protector before she noticed my three teammates. She looked back at me, the only one of similar height and age to her.

"Who are you?"

I was instantly assaulted by the vision of her as a kickass kunoichi in the future, her jounin status proving how fucking brilliant she was. Right now, she was just a little shrimp who apparently wasn't bogged down by a brother she probably didn't really even know about. I must've taken too long to answer her question and she glared at me. Her cheeks puffed out a bit and turned red slightly as she grew angry, and the lone thought on my mind was:

She was so, goddamned, adorable. Oh! I bet that if I became friends with her, we could take on the world together and –

Ugh.

Fuck.

I was so not involved.

Kankuro came up from behind her and looked at me, his beady black eyes staring at me, too.

"Why's your hair purple?"

Ah! He was cute, too! Oh my God, I just wanted to pet him and –

God _damn_ it!

* * *

So, meh. I'm tired. Jesus, what a month. Anyway, who's eager for the new Uncharted game coming out in April? I am.

Question: How did you find this story?

Glee: Nearly 1k reviews~


	41. Chapter 41

Hai gaiz. Bai gaiz.

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Guest: She does have some awesome reactions, eh?

* * *

It wasn't just the somber mood of the room that made me close my eyes as if to hide myself away from my surrounding world, but just the way the Kazekage had made clear the information he just told us.

"Do you have an estimation on what we should more than likely expect?" asked Shisui, his voice low. He obviously wasn't a fan of the man either at the moment.

"With one hundred percent certainty?" the Kazekage, Rasa, inquired in barely louder than a murmur. "No. I have received reports from outposts on the outskirts of our land, a day's journey or two away from here. There are currently four teams from Iwa inbound, another two from Kusa, and yet one more from Ishi."

I slowly opened my eyes again and stared down at the ground when I heard the crystal clear voice of Hitomi tentatively interject itself into the conversation.

"You did not attempt to stop them?"

Rasa snorted and my gaze rose to settle on him. "To what end? If Iwa is crafty enough, and daft enough, to send men into _my_ country, killing those people would do nothing to deter the idiots. The Tsuchikage can't seem to recall how I made him look like a fool a number of times before. No, if he is looking for pain, I will give him reason for some. The old crone."

Shisui didn't even bat an eye at the Kazekage's choice of words. "You intend to trap them."

"I intend to ridicule them," Rasa declared. "They believe we are weak, an unworthy enemy, one they are fully capable of exploiting. True: most of our resources are out helping your village put down that ridiculous powermonger and his farm of jinchuuriki, but we won't be defeated so easily."

His eyes roved over each of us before making contact with Shisui's again. "It is unfortunate, but all we can do is bide our time for now. Those teams, short-sighted though they may be, will not approach the village or attempt to infiltrate until they know for certain the prize is within reach. I estimate that things will start picking up closer to the deadline."

Glancing over at Shisui, I saw him tilt his head just the slightest. "And, what is to be done with the 'prize' in the meantime?"

Rasa gestured at the scroll on his desk. "You will be informed. Until then, please make use of the sleeping arrangements allocated to you. No one will disturb you – I will give you free reign of the village to do as you see fit. I trust you will not betray this good faith."

When Yashamaru walked forward, his shoulders straight and set, I knew our time with the Kazekage was up and we were due to make our leave for wherever it was we were supposed to stay. Our team leader was the first to bow, and Hitomi, Anko, and I all bowed thereafter before making our way to the door. Yashamaru stopped at its entrance and closed the oaken doors behind him before he waved someone forward towards us.

"Touya will be in charge of your care during your stay," Yashamaru said softly. "If there is anything you find lacking, please be certain to inform him and the problem will be dealt with, if possible. I doubt there is any need to tell you we are currently wanting for supplies, so please keep that in the backs of your minds at the very least."

After which, the man gave a slight bow of his head before turning back around and reentering the Kazekage's office. As the door clicked shut behind him, I shifted to look at Touya, who looked about as happy to be our caretaker as we were to have him. He didn't even bother to give a greeting and instead marched straight ahead, apparently expecting us to match his pace. Shisui fell in line behind him, leaving us three women behind. I peeked over at Hitomi and frowned when I saw that she seemed somewhat troubled by this turn of events. When she noticed my gaze, she gave me a small smile of reassurance and then moved to catch up to the men.

"Something about this doesn't feel right," I muttered to my sister who remained at my side still.

Anko rolled her shoulders back and let out a sigh. "That's not for us to worry about. Right now, anyway."

The fact that she'd willingly responded to me caught me by surprise, and I think that she could probably tell as much by the way her expression blanked. She turned away quickly and walked away from me as if we hadn't been in the middle of a budding conversation for the first time in days. I bit my upper lip in mild frustration and followed after all of them, my chin falling to lay against my chest as I stared at the ground the entire way.

While most people in my situation might've been gawking at the scenery and sights around them, I couldn't push my mind away from the fact that we had pushed ourselves for six hours to get here with a little bit of sleep after a nine-hour stint of running before that. I was inarguably tired and ready to fall into the bed and sleep the next week away without any concern for what might happen during.

Which was just as well, I supposed. After all, that was the approximate time stamp we were given to wait until it was time to open the prison. I had truthfully never thought to believe that we would stay in the village for very long before heading back home to Konoha. I'd naively believed that we would deliver the scroll, fight a few baddies, and skulk our way back home with the knowledge that our villages had come out on top locked away in our minds. Nothing was ever simple, was it?

 _"I'm afraid that is impossible,"_ I recall the Kazekage stating when Shisui had questioned if the prison would be opened up sooner than later. _"Four of our nine seal masters for the prison are currently out of the village. One is as far away as Kumo, together with your troops to act as a complement to one of the Sannin, Jiraiya. Two others are on a mission, and the last is en route back to Suna. Without all nine together, it is physically impossible to open the Vault of Chrest."_

Each sealer had a specific task, and no sealer knew anything of what the other sealers did – each one had learnt from the person before them; to make things more complicated, the blood of each individual was specifically keyed into their position or whatever that they took when opening the prison. So, even if someone else learned the seals, they would be signing away their own death if they tried to forcibly take part in the ritual – I say "ritual", because it was as convoluted and ridiculous as any ritual tended to be. Were these people insane?

 _"What if someone dies?"_ I had, unfortunately, asked, my face screwed up to show my obvious disbelief that anyone would bother with something like that. _"You just said that it's keyed into their blood. So, if they die and you have eight people, then you suddenly can't open the vault?"_

Shisui had frowned at me then for speaking out of turn, and fine, I'd had to give him that. I had certainly done so, but I just couldn't believe that they would set up such a ridiculous system when, in this world, a piece of it could go missing just as easily as taking candy from a baby. Anko's frown of disapproval was even worse for me to experience and I'd just shut my mouth after that. The Kazekage seemed to almost dismiss me as incompetent as he turned his gaze away.

 _"We have a system in place for such technicalities,"_ he had said, somewhat irritably. _"You need not know the hows or whys as that is a village secret. Do not broach this topic again."_

 _"My apologies for my younger charge,"_ the Uchiha had apologized in my stead. _"She still knows little of the ways of our world."_

No, I damned well didn't. I didn't understand why someone would break up a key into so many small, delicate parts that could be easily lost in the thick of things. There was a reason that all important information was shared amongst a powerful company, because if only one person knew the goings-on of an important part of a large project and they suddenly just _died_ , that information died with them. Even if there were little notes here and there left behind for others to stumble upon, that was hardly any kind of replacement for the person themselves. But, ninjas were stupidly sneaky about everything – there's no way they'd leave any trace of information as important as that. Perhaps I was simply too... _modern_...with my way of thinking, or was I too dimwitted to see how effective such a plan really was?

It didn't _seem_ effective to me, though. Even now, everyone invested in this stupid "war" or whatever had to wait to see whether the scroll of Triforce would be used for "good" or "evil". In the meantime, as long as that thing wasn't sealed up in a disturbingly difficult-to-open prison, it was practically a free-for-all for any enemy or idiot who was brave or stupid enough to breach the village. All it took was one person to make all of our efforts – all of that _running_ – for naught. That was all it would take. If that happened, I was going to tell the Kazekage that his little system was _bullshit_.

My head bumped into something and I glanced up tiredly to see that Anko was standing still in front of me, her focus on the door. I looked around me to see the plain hallways that were sparsely decorated , though I definitely noticed the distinct lack of windows. Structural weakness, anyone? But, oh, hey. We were...somewhere. That was good.

Touya turned his teal-green eyes onto us. "We have prepared two rooms for everyone. I apologize that we couldn't better provide for you, Your Majesties."

That caught each and every single one of us by surprise and we all stared at the white-haired man. He stared right back with a frown.

"Each room has a private bath. If you don't like them, there are hot springs in the village. Get your own food. Get your own clothes. If you get lost, find your own way back. Anything else?"

I scoffed. "Some guide."

Settling his glare on me, Touya scowled. When he made as if to walk towards me, Anko slid gracefully into his path. She didn't say anything, I don't think, and I couldn't see her expression, but the man backed down a bit. Touya crossed his arms over his chest and bit out,

"Whatever. I've done my job. Come find me if someone's dying. And if no one is, you'd better hope I'm in a charitable mood."

"You can be rest assured that we will," Shisui assured him softly. "We appreciate your hospitality."

Touya sent the Uchiha a harsh glance before shrugging his shoulders. "Whatever you say, lady man."

He shouldered past Shisui and walked down the corridor away from us. All four of us watched him go until we were the only ones standing there. Our team leader faced us and looked at Hitomi for a short while before she nodded shortly. He nodded back and then concentrated his focus on us.

"I will get in touch with Hokage-sama and brief him about our current situation. As of right now, I do not have any particular orders for any of you to follow, save for the obvious fact that we are representatives of our village. Our actions directly affect how this village's people will think of our own, whether that be favorably or not. Seeing us in the wrong light could prove detrimental to future treaties and dealings internationally. Please keep that in mind if you find yourself wandering around the village.

"In addition," he continued, "always be certain that someone knows of your whereabouts, wherever they may be. Suna may be our ally, but there are still some out there who might have a grudge against Konoha. Be wary of this possibility. If you notice anything out of sorts, inform me immediately. Otherwise...try to enjoy yourselves."

The dismissal was obvious, and Shisui bowed his head slightly as Hitomi walked by him to head into one of the rooms. He made as if to follow before turning back and grabbing Anko firmly just barely above her elbow. His dark eyes were focused on me though as he said,

"And make sure to instill some awareness into your sister's head. We do not need her making things worse."

Anko seemed somewhat taken aback and he turned his gaze onto her instead.

"Understand?" The word had a thin layer of steel underlying it and my sister nodded curtly.

Shisui released her almost immediately after her concession, and, ignoring me, went into the same bedroom that Hitomi had just disappeared into. My sister, on the other hand, stood there in the hallway with me, stonily, before slowly moving to our bedroom and opening it. I shuffled in almost right after her and closed the door behind me, my eyes finding her at the foot of one bed, just staring down at it. I bit my bottom lip this time before letting out a soft sigh and throwing my pack onto my bed and walking up to her.

"Hey, Anko?" I asked softly, rubbing the back of my head. "I'm...sorry, about before. I didn't think."

She seemed to ignore me, and I forced myself to lightly touch the back of her hand.

 _That_ , more than anything else, made her react and she whipped her hand out of range of my grasp. Looking down at me, Anko stood there silently before just...turning away.

I tried again. "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt back there."

Anko took off her pack, actively ignoring me as she started to unpack. I could feel hurt creep its way into my heart and I pushed away the thought. If she was mad, then there had to be a reason – she was irrational. Regardless of how her moods might've changed, there was always _something_ that set her off. Always. And, while I know that I fucked up by interrupting a serious conversation with my skepticism earlier, that shouldn't have put her in the piss poor mood she was in. Besides, she hadn't been talking to me, not really, for a lot longer than just today. I racked my mind for what the possible cause could have been, but I wasn't really coming up with anything. It felt like so much was happening lately that I couldn't keep track of things that seemed to have some lesser importance.

Oh, but... Oh.

"I'm sorry," I started again, feeling a bit remorseful, "for keeping my injury a secret."

My sister stared at me uncomprehendingly for a small time, and I sought to explain myself while I had her attention.

"You got mad at me for not telling you about it, right? So, I'm sorry. I'd just forgotten about it, and since I was okay, and it didn't affect my physical abilities, I just..."

At that, understanding dawned on her features before she turned away again.

"I'm...not mad at you," she finally said, setting some of her clothes on the bed. "I was a bit, upset, I guess, but not enough for you to worry."

"So, we're good, then?" I asked, holding my thumbs up as I began to smile.

She continued to unpack. "We never weren't 'good'."

I could feel my smile start to slip a bit. "Then, why aren't you talking to me much anymore? I mean, I realize I shouldn't have spoken out of turn, but..."

There was a scoff. I saw her grin wryly.

"Don't worry about what Uchiha-tai... I mean, what the Uchiha says. If there was a way to shut you up and keep you from getting yourself into trouble, I'd have paid good money to find out what it was."

I felt myself twitch, my eyes narrowing as I glared at her. The woman just smirked at me, and as much as I wanted to just believe the front she was putting up for me, I could still tell out the shadows she tried to hide away from me. I could see that her smiles didn't reach her eyes, could tell that she wasn't as amused as she seemed from how her eyes didn't dance with mirth. I saw the tenseness in her body and heard the terseness of her voice. She was trying so hard to prove that there was nothing wrong that it kind of, well, _hurt_ , that she felt the need to hide anything at all. I mean, I wasn't her keeper, but I'd have liked to have thought we were a bit closer than that.

Like I said, I really, truly wanted to believe in her farce and think that nothing was wrong, but I knew her too well by now. And, by the way her smile slowly faded away and her brow furrowed with...something, I could tell that she knew me just as well, and was aware that I wasn't falling for her act at all.

"Why won't you tell me what's wrong?"

I wanted to ask that so badly, but I could tell by the whiteness of her knuckles that that was the very last question she ever wanted to be asked. Anko didn't like lying to people – she hated it. If it was for a mission, that gave it a bit more merit because enemies weren't _people_ , they were _targets_. Targets had no feelings, no emotions, no families, no hopes, dreams, aspirations. They didn't have a background – it was like they just popped up in the world for the very purpose of being shot down. Pesky morals couldn't get in the way if a person was dealing with an inanimate object. They just didn't matter. No, Anko didn't like lying to _people_ , especially those she considered close. If at all possible, she would never lie to me. I was sure of it.

So, as I looked at her whitened knuckles, all I could think was that if I asked to her to tell me, if I begged her, that she actually just might crack. As long as it was me who asked, she might actually tell me. She might come clean with me. But, whatever it was seemed to be ridiculously important to her.

 _Please don't ask me to tell you._

One look into her eyes told me her plea, and as much as I just wanted to know, I couldn't do that to her. I couldn't hide my disappointment or fake any kind of amusement at her pathetic excuse of a joke. I just smiled the best I could and turned away.

My chest hurt as I reached for my pack and unlatched it. I swear I could feel her gaze on me, watchful and wary, but I ignored it. Or rather, I tried to. The pain in my chest amplified somewhat as I realized that one day, I might be forced to keep secrets from her in order to keep her safe, whether she agreed or not. I didn't like that it might come to that. We'd finally gotten close after all of our previous struggles, and I didn't want...

I bit my lip and finally gave up, instead throwing my hitai-ate into the backpack and tossing myself onto the bed.

"Hotaru?" came her soft lilt, some concern present. "Are you okay?"

"Wake me up for dinner," I muttered and curled up into a fetal position.

She fell silent and I closed my eyes and began to relax when her hand grasped one of my ankles and pulled me down the bed. I sat up straight immediately to keep from plunging off the foot of the bed, but Anko steadied me as she pulled me into a heartfelt hug. I froze at the unexpected embrace, but she didn't let go, only hugging me more tightly until I finally relaxed against her. My arms went around her as well and I rested my head against her chest.

"Thank you," she whispered so softly that I feel like I imagined those words.

I lifted my eyes until I was looking into her wonderful caramel-brown ones. I looked searchingly at her before letting out a small chuckle. When I noticed her confusion, I gave a cheesy grin.

"Isn't this the part where we're supposed to kiss? It happens in all of the other romance books. The two lovers look deeply into each other's eyes and –"

Her hand in my face stopped me from finishing my explanation as she pushed me away hard enough for me to tumble over the side of the bed. When I pushed myself up to stand again, I saw her standing as well, scowling at me deeply.

"You ruined it," she chided. "Again."

"No! It's true!" I proclaimed. "In all of the books, the two look into each other's eyes, edge in closer and –"

"You're such a brat. You know that, right?"

"It's _true_! All of the romance books say so!"

My sister just continued to scowl. "What would _you_ know of romance?"

"What would _you_?" I shot back. "Unless, wait. _Do you have a gigolo_?"

Her face slackened with surprise. "A what?"

Ah hah. She was off guard. I smirked. "A gigolo. A booty-call. A sugar daddy."

I saw the blush streak its way across her cheeks before she could deny the awkwardness of her situation. "Why do you even _know_ those words? Who the hell taught those to you?"

My subsequent larger smirk set her off and I felt it slip from my face as soon as she flew into action.

"Ah, oh God, no!" I yelled as I ducked under her arm and twisted around to head for the door. I flew out of the room as I cried, "I'm innocent! Stop picking on me!"

"Get back here, you little pervert!"

"I'm innocent!"

I ran down the corridor with her right behind me. I felt my fake grin fade away into a genuine smile when I saw that a lot of the shadows I'd seen present in her eyes had faded away when I'd started up my antics. I couldn't take the awkwardness of the atmosphere earlier, and my heart couldn't handle how relieved, and yet sad, she'd sounded when showing me her gratitude. I didn't know what was wrong with her. I didn't know what I could do to help her. I didn't know if it was even possible _to_ help her. The only thing I knew that I could do was hide behind the guise of the fool. I hated seeing her in pain. It was of little consequence for me to give a window of escape, even if that meant a world of hurt for me later. It was a worthwhile trade.

* * *

The two of us were walking down the main stretch in the village as we looked around for different restaurants to try out while we were here. I, of course, wanted something with meat, and she wanted something relatively light on both her stomach and wallet.

Her eyes narrowed as she looked back and forth. "What do you want to eat."

" _Meat_ ," I easily replied, which earned me an irritated glare.

"You need to eat more vegetables," she scolded me. "What's with your fixation on meat?"

I chuckled. "Vegetables are good. I love veggies. Tasty. But, obviously, meat is better. Why? Because I ain't some damn bird. I need meat."

Anko just shook her head. "I'll never understand your obsession."

"Hey, just because you go for meat you can't actually eat..." I started before pausing. "Well, I suppose you _are_ technically eating it, but..."

I think I just loved seeing the various expressions of confusion that always crossed her face, and the following layering of a blush across her cheeks afterwards.

"How do you _know_ things like that? It's creepy as hell," she complained, turning away from me.

"Aw, is my big, strong sister embarrassed by my vocabulary?" I teased, outright laughing when she glared at me again.

"Who taught you that? _Who_?"

I smiled innocently. "Kakashi."

With her resulting expression of outrage, I daresay that I was amused enough that the fact I'd thrown dog boy under the bus didn't even remotely bother me. Nope, not at all. Rather, I just needed to be far, far, _far_ away when Anko decided to confront the man. I was just rather happy that she didn't even think to deny the possibility. Hah, sucks for you, Hatake. How dare you corrupt a young woman's mind? Pfft.

Anko had turned away to look ahead of us as we walked, and neither she nor I noticed the approach of someone from behind me as he crashed into me hard enough to send me bouncing against the ground. I grunted slightly as my sister helped me stand back up.

"Check yourself," she directed, her voice stern. "Do you have everything?"

"I left everything important in the room," I murmured distractedly as I patted myself down.

The slip of paper in my back pocket filled me with a flash of coldness and I looked up immediately to see that Anko's attention was no longer on me. My fingers quickly and deftly flipped open the piece of paper as I read,

 _"Matador Swill. 0200 hours. Come alone."_

I think my heart stopped beating for a few seconds and I raised my head quickly the second Anko turned hr gaze back to me, both my fists clench tightly to hide the note.

"Are you okay?" she asked me for the second time that day.

No, I wanted to tell her, but forced my fear to the side for the time being. I was afraid. My body felt so cold because I was afraid that someone was trying to hunt me down, and what if it was someone from Kumo who knew who I was? What if they tried to _hurt Anko_?

I let out a short laugh. "Never better."

I hid my fist out of her sight, it brightening with fierce uncontrollable electricity, the paper burning to a crisp almost immediately.

"Never. Better."

* * *

Omake: Zeru'Xil

"I don't like you, either!" I told the stupid cat as I glared at her. "Stop making this harder than it has to be."

Citlali obviously didn't care whether I liked her or not. Her golden eyes just continued staring at me. It was freaking me out.

"No fish for you," I finally bit out, and her eyes narrowed defiantly. "Go get your own. _I'm_ going to get firewood."

I folded my arms across my chest as I irritably turned away from her, my anger starting to get to me. I went up to my sister and poked her on the shoulder. She reacted just about as well to that as I thought she might, but I didn't care at the moment.

"I'm heading out for firewood."

She frowned. "Don't go too far."

Yeah, yeah. Whatever. I jumped up onto the nearest branch and hopped away. It didn't take very long for me to find a decent bundle, but whatever I'd been expecting when I returned was definitely. Not. What. Happened.

My sister stood across the clearing from my stupid cat, both of their teeth bared as Anko threatened Citlali with her kunai. I snuck up near Hitomi and looked up at her. She seemed slightly perturbed and pointed at Anko's sleeping bag. I frowned and squinted my eyes before abruptly dropping every single twig and stick I'd managed to gather.

"Is...is that a fucking _hairball_?"

"I can't see her, but she's dead!" Anko yelled out at me. "What the fuck is wrong with your stupid cat?"

She couldn't do anything to me, but apparently, my family was game. Oh no. That wasn't happening.

"You stupid cat," I muttered, growing even more angry.

First, it was the rollercoaster ride, then it was the glowering, then it was the threatening, and now, she hacked up a _hairball_ in my sister's _sleeping bag_? Was this damn feline fucking _insane_?

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what made me snap and just send her back.

It was only too unfortunate when after Citlali was dismissed that Anko turned to me and said,

"That's yours now."

What.

* * *

Yep.

Question: Goals for 2016?


	42. Chapter 42

Yeah, so. Yeah. Whatever, man. Ah, I finally decided on what fandom I'll do next, and it'll be a RWBY. All hands up who would deign to read it. I'm thinking it will be a male protagonist.

Guest reviews:

Shelwyn: Kay, I'm sorry to hear that.

Lace: Hah, Yugito? Suna? Naaaaaaaaah.

Azure: Good. Be distracted. LOVE MY STUFF. Love it.

* * *

"What's gone wrong, what's going on? Onward and forward I continued to push, my instincts telling me to never once beat around the bush. For my actions, I have garnered control, for my efforts, a knick to my very soul. I am left bewildered, feeling myself confused and floundering, so what is the next step I am left to take, for that is all I can help but keep wondering. There is but one constant, one bit of guidance – it lies up there, high and high, so bright I can only look askance. That up there, so far up above, what is the next route forward, that sun I have always loved?"

It took a good fifteen to twenty minutes for Anko's chakra to settle down enough to show that she'd drifted off into a slumber. Her last words to me as I practiced different chakra control techniques were to not stay up for too long. I let my chakra drift away back into my body as I watched her breathe in and out slowly. A quick glance at the clock told me I still had around an hour before the designated meeting time, but I still had no idea where Matador Swill was. Asking my sister had been out of the question, of course, so I would just have to play it by ear.

Slipping out of bed as quietly and unassumingly as possible, I watched Anko for any changes in her breathing rhythm, and let out a sigh when I realized she was just as asleep as before. I then turned to look at the adjoining wall where our other two teammates were resting on the other side. Narrowing my eyes, I pushed my awareness out further to get a lock on their chakra, and grimaced at the fact that both were still very much wide awake – their chakra were calm and relaxed, but far too chaotic to indicate that they were sleeping. There was a slight jump here and there, but that could be caused by anything as little as having a conversation or reading a book and receiving a pleasant, or unfortunate, surprise in its contents.

I scowled slightly – it wouldn't be good for them to notice my departure and decide to follow me for shits and giggles. For all I knew, the person I was meeting might very well be some source of trouble, but the last thing anyone needed was an all-out fight in the middle of our ally's village. That wouldn't shine a very nice beam of light on Konoha and, as a result, I would have significantly less freedom to work with. Dare I say that I wasn't particularly pleased with that possibility, which meant I had to be forthright about my traipsing through the night. It shouldn't really matter that I was eight – the fact that I was a ninja meant I was technically an adult. If, for whatever reason, they decided that I couldn't be trusted to be go around without a bodyguard, though...

Huffing softly, I padded silently across the room and opened the door, but not without a quick glance back at my sister. She didn't even twitch, so all was good on that front. I backed out of the room, closed the door, and walked over to the next room, my hand rapping on the door's wooden surface when I reached it. I sensed the two chakra signatures twitch just the barest bit before calming down. One person hesitated before coming to the door.

Relief poured through me when Hitomi answered the door, because I damned well couldn't stand the Uchiha, honestly.

"Hotaru," she acknowledged, her voice hardly over a whisper. "You're up rather late."

"Couldn't sleep," I admitted, which was quite true. When Hitomi's eyebrows knit together in concern, I quickly tried to alleviate her worry. "It's nothing big. I crashed as soon as Anko and I got back after lunch, so I'm paying for it now."

At that, she made a small smile, as if unsure of what to do with me. Yeah, you and my sister both, woman.

"Anyway..." I rubbed the back of back of my neck as I thought of what to say. "I was wondering if it was all right for me to walk around outside a bit."

A beautifully sculpted eyebrow rose slowly as her eyes looked me up and down with a tinge of disbelief. "You want to go out like that?"

I was currently wearing a t-shirt with a bunny on it and striped pajama pants.

Hey. Don't hate. Bunnies are cool.

My deadpan stare must have been answer enough because she let a bona fide giggle slip from her lips before nodding her head back towards her room. "Come on in."

The moment I stepped into the room, Shisui pinned his gaze onto me. I could feel my guard rising as he stared, my hands involuntarily clenching into fists. He looked at me for a few moments longer before finally turning away.

"Don't be out too late. And don't cause trouble."

"Yes, sir," I murmured reluctantly.

When he flipped a page in his book, whatever the hell it was, I realized that I'd been dismissed without a word otherwise. With a slight grimace, I bowed my head and turned to leave the room. Hitomi's expression was blank as she looked at the Uchiha until she noticed me coming up towards her. Her mouth bloomed into another readied smile for me, whatever unease she'd shown previously disappearing with the wind.

"Come back anytime if you need company," she told me gently, and I nodded in return. Her smile widened a bit. "We'll always be here should anything come up."

Then, a very, very rare expression of coldness showed itself as she sent an aloof glare over at the Uchiha. "Isn't that right, Uchiha-san?"

I'll admit it: my eyebrows shot through the roof at that, and I whipped my head around to look at Shisui. He raised his eyes from the contents of his book, saw the glare, and then turned away just as smoothly. I kind of admired how well he managed to act like a prick.

"Hmm," he responded, saying nothing more afterward.

The one-worded answer seemed to irritate Hitomi, but she only let out a small sigh before nodding for me to move on. I stared at her, my eyes wide, but then she got that motherly "Do as I said" expression on her face, and I scuttled out of the room quickly. The door shut quickly behind me, but I couldn't help continuing to stare.

What just happened there?

I sensed some contention there. There was drama happening between the two of them. _And I was missing it_.

Blowing out a puff of air, I scurried back to my room to check in on my sister and see if she was still sleeping, but saw absolutely no change in her cadence. I tilted my head, eyeing her hard before finally heading for my bag and digging out some clothing. Pulling each piece on hardly took much time at all, and it wasn't until I was securing my hitai-ate to my forehead that I realized that it _might_ not be a good idea to show up looking like I did. What if the person had a grudge against Konoha and tried to use me as a bargaining piece? No, it would be dumb to just go in blind.

Better to go in blind with a _disguise_. Yes, that was far better.

I walked up to the mirror, my hands easily forming the Ram seal as my chakra flared around me slightly. As I watched, my purple hair bled into jet-black, my eyes slowly changing from their normal hazel-blue to a familiar emerald-green. Konoha's symbol shifted into the one for Suna, and my clothing shifted to a sleeveless red vest, baggy dark-grey pants that were tied with tape at my ankles, and a sash around my waist. I frowned, moving in closer to the mirror to stare at my reflection more critically, but eventually judged it to be the best I was capable of right now. I only hoped it wouldn't prove to be too eye-catching a disguise, although, in my opinion, I was pretty mediocre.

Backing away from the mirror, I grabbed my tools and tied them around my legs and waist. Couldn't be too cautious, after all. I then walked over towards the window, because no normal ninja used the _door_. Doors were for _sissies_. Besides, I didn't want to run into anyone in the corridors.

I couldn't help the smile that came to my face, unbidden, as I looked over my sister's sleeping form again. It was the rare instance that she looked so calm, gentle, and sweet. I never really got to see her without her being worried, or concerned, or irritated, or angry about something. She never looked so relaxed anymore. My hand reached towards her before I clenched it into a fist and took a couple of steps back.

 _I'll see you later, Anko._

Opening the veranda doors, I let them slide closed behind me and jumped up onto the veranda railing. I glanced over at the veranda next door, but no one was out there. That was probably a good thing. Then, with a deep intake of breath, I jumped up onto the wall above the veranda window and ran straight up towards the roof. In a single burst of chakra, I flipped up onto the roof and took in the sights from one of the tallest buildings in the entire village. My eyes caught track of a number of lit lights in a sector of the village, and with a fleeting hope that this place wasn't in the red-light district, I bent low towards the ground before springing into the air, chakra propelling me high and forward.

I bounced from roof to roof after that, passing a ninja here and there, but no one bothered to stop me. It was late, certainly, but there were still a number of people out and about after an eventful night. Landing in an intersecting street among a bunch of open shops, I looked around for my destination as unnoticeably as I could, my hands slipping into my pockets as I did. I finally spotted the offensive sign – I didn't think I'd ever think of the words "matador swill" the same way again, because that was just _nasty_ , and my delicate eyes just couldn't take something like that any more than necessary.

It was with absolute disgust that I opened the swinging doors of the establishment, only to see the shifty eyes of several less-than-pleasant people swing over to stare at me. One ridiculously huge dude who looked like he ate steroids for snacks every hour waddled in front of me, blocking my line of sight to the rest of the bar. I despised that I had to crane my head back to stare up at him, and he gave a smirk.

"Well, well, _well_ ," he said with a bit of a lisp, which immediately put me on guard. "What have we here, sweetheart? I'm into the less fairer sex, myself, but... Oh, who am I kidding? Sex is sex, when you think about it. How would you like to cuddle with me for a little bit? I'll be _real_ gentle..."

I lost all train of thought with that, and suddenly, the words "matador swill" took on an entirely different meaning.

"Uh," I muttered, hesitating, because what do you say in reply to something like that? "I'm...just, looking for someone...?"

"You sure are, sweetie," another man said, his beady eyes running down my body and making me feel very, very gross.

"Uh," I stuttered again, back away slightly. "I'm... You guys are gay, right? Not that I've got anything against gay people. I mean, I'm kind of... You know I'm a girl, right?"

The two men looked at one another before another two popped up. The large one let out a big guffaw of amusement.

"Honey buns, you don't have to lie to us," he said, and I could feel myself growing slightly colder bit by bit. "But that's all right. I quite _like_ the reluctant ones... They scream the loudest, after all..."

Okay. Nope. Nope. Nope. _Nopenopenopenope_.

I backed away, holding up my hands as a sign of peace. "Uh, hold that thought?"

I tried to run out but a beefy arm lashed out and wrapped around my waist, dragging me back into his _loving_ embrace. My heart began to pound faster than was probably healthy as I squirmed. Why did this kind of shit happen to me? First it was that stupid jackass Rouri, and now these guys? Did I need to start wearing a fluffy pink dress before people got the hint?

The guy tried to carry me back before he froze, his arm tightening around me before it loosened completely and I fell to the ground. I quickly turned around to see his mouth make a large 'o' as he started to pitch forward. I scrabbled out of the way, clinging to a wall as the huge dude fell onto the floor, unconscious, and I lifted my gaze to find a silver-haired young man standing confidently behind him, looking as if he didn't have a care in the world. The young man's eyes rose to meet mine from behind his round-rimmed glasses, a fake smile on his face as he stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"Sorry boys. This one's mine."

On one hand, I wanted to hug him and thank him for saving me from...whatever that might've been, and on the other, I wanted to throttle him, because it was his fault I was even here in the first place. Yakushi Kabuto looked at me, his smile as obvious as it was mirthless. I pushed off from the wall and scowled at him, but not before sending a glare at the other men who were skittering around the both of us. The three from before wisely chose to stay away, and Kabuto motioned for me to follow him towards the back, to a booth in the far corner. He took the one closest to the wall, and I slid in opposite of him, a frown on my face.

"Mitarashi," Kabuto began. "Or, should I say, Murakami?"

"Yakushi," I greeted, some ire leaking through my voice. "This was the best place you could come up with?"

He flicked his gaze back over to the still downed man. "You didn't deal with him."

"No, I didn't."

"Why not?" he asked, sounding genuinely curious. "He's obviously not a ninja. He would've had no chance against you."

 _Because I was panicked as hell._ "There was little point. He wasn't a danger to me, though I would've preferred that he not have touched me..."

Kabuto frowned. "That makes no sense. You could have gotten him to back down easily without resorting to violence, even."

With a sigh, I ended up ignoring the comment. "Yakushi, why are you here? What do you want with me? How did you even know I was here? Did Danzo send you here?"

"I have contacts," he said slowly, before admitting, "Danzo does not know I am here."

That made me sit up straighter, the surprise catching me off guard. "What? You're operating out of his field of orders?"

"So long as I get the job done, it does not particularly matter," Kabuto smoothly replied. "And Suna is fairly close to Iwa, regardless. I will be moving again soon enough, but I wanted to discuss that previous matter with you again."

It didn't take me long to rack my brain for that particular conversation. "And?"

His gaze sharpened into a penetratingly cold glare. "How?"

"You'll have to elaborate on that a bit, if you don't mind," I told him bluntly.

"She barely recognized me, barely at all," he confessed, the last few words hardly a whisper. "How did you know that? How did you know she wouldn't know me? Why would D–, why would _he_ send falsified pictures of me to her? What would that accomplish?"

I snorted inelegantly. "Are you kidding me right now? Yakushi, tell me: how many missions have you failed since you started working for... _him_?"

"I have never failed a mission," he said, not even a touch of pride in his voice. I raised an eyebrow at this.

"A-a-a-and how many missions has she failed? Also, how much information does she have on the every single nation, including Konoha? And how about you? How much information have you garnered over all these years? I'll bet you could work as a... You would be a great source of information no matter who you worked for."

"That was the point, obviously," he started heatedly. "I am supposed to be able to work in any situation, no matter the circumstance."

Tilting my head, I crossed my arms over my chest. "Nonou is one of the brightest out there, too, Yakushi. So bright, that she's probably catching the attention of a lot of people. A _lot_ of people."

He made a grunt of irritation. "What's your poi–...?"

Kabuto trailed off slowly and I could easily tell the moment he began connecting the dots together. His face paled slightly as he dragged his eyes back up to stare into mine. His hands on the bare tabletop clenched tightly into fists as his breath snorted from his nose. I held his gaze for a short time before closing my eyes.

"You get it now."

It wasn't a question.

Kabuto looked away, his jaw tightening. "Two birds with one stone. But I don't understand. We're both loyal to..."

"So?" I asked him, my eyebrow raising again. "What happens if you get captured? Or, hell, fail a mission? Your loyalty won't matter a damned bit."

Then, aggravation lining my own voice: "Mine certainly didn't."

The boy glared down at the table, trying to gather his thoughts. "If I'd gone on without any understanding of the my current situation, his plan might've worked."

"No 'might have'," I corrected him, " ' _would_ have'. One of you would have been gone, for sure. What countries have you been to so far?"

"Kumo, here, and I just started in Kiri," Kabuto informed me, his tone grim. "Another couple of years and I would've gone to Iwa."

"And Nonou wouldn't have had a clue of who the hell you were by then," I finished, his attention completely focused on me by this point. "What do you think just might have happened then?"

He didn't answer, and I nodded. "Exactly."

"You were right about your previous information," Kabuto said slowly, suspicion lining his features. "How did you know?"

I just smiled, not a hint of humor on my face. "I think you're asking the wrong questions of me. Aren't the better ones: 'How did you know Nonou was in Iwa?', 'How did you know I was a part of... _that_?', or maybe even, 'How did you know about _him_?' Of course, an even better question from me to you is, 'What happens to you now?'"

Leaning forward, I tapped the tabletop a few times to make sure Kabuto was listening closely. "Look. I had no problem warning you, but now, I guarantee that the guy knows something's up. I'm pretty sure he knows you took a road trip, saw someone you weren't supposed to, and is scheming a way to bring you back under his thumb. You go back to Kiri like a good, little boy, and you're going to get sideswiped. Go back to Konoha, and you'll be conveniently 'forgotten'. You might have some luck hiding in Iwa, but _she_ won't. The man doesn't like having frayed loose ends."

Kabuto grunted, his teeth flashing briefly as he growled. "I put her in danger. She doesn't know what's going on."

"I bet she has some kind of an idea by this point," I reasoned, thinking quickly. "After all, those pictures looked nothing like you. She's probably suspicious."

He frowned, his eyes flashing from side to side as he thought. "I might be able to reach her in time enough to warn her. We could run."

"Oh, good," I uttered sarcastically. "That's right, run and you know, be worth absolutely nothing in the long term. You could do that. But remember: you owe me."

His eyes flashed dangerously as he looked back at me. "What?"

I shook my head. "Are you kidding me? Do you think I told you that information out of the goodness of my heart? I didn't. You owe me."

The boy outright growled at me. "What do you want from me?"

"Either you listen to what I have to say," I said seriously, my features devoid of all other emotion, "or I swear that you'll regret the consequences."

"I could kill you right now," he hissed venomously.

A smile slowly crawled across my face at the familiar threat. "I _told_ you: if you found out I was lying, I'd let you kill me without putting up a fight whatsoever. But, since I was telling the truth..."

He narrowed his eyes even further. "What do you want from me?"

"I want your expertise, Yakushi," I told him completely unabashed. "I don't just want it, I _need_ it."

"Name your price. And do it quickly."

I leaned forward even more, coming very close to his face. "Information for information, isn't that how it works? I've given you a ton so far – you owe me."

"Then hurry and spit it out!"

"No," I denied, placing an open palm on the table. "First, you get that woman and bring her here. I have a feeling things are going to go south very, very badly."

Kabuto gave me a considering look at that, and then turned to look across the bar. "Suna is about to get a very bad wake-up call."

There was a pause, and then he stared at me for a long length of time. "I owe you two pieces of information as it stands. But, I'm not coming back here when the shit starts hitting the fan. He might have people lying in wait."

"Fine," I agreed, eventually. "Then I'm cashing in on both sets of information right now."

"I'm listening."

"First: what are my team and this village up against?"

He seemed a bit disgruntled at the broad question, and I couldn't really blame him. "I actually don't know much – just the bare bones. The Iwa teams are plentiful, but mediocre. Quantity over quality there. The members of Kusa are dealing with a very potent poison – one whiff of that and you're dead. I'd say gas masks, but chances are that they are either going to release it within the village if they can get close enough, or in a faraway village as bait, to get more people out there, I'd assume. As for Ishi... I don't have much information on them, right now."

"Wait," I started, holding up a hand. "You said 'plentiful'. We were briefed that there are only four Iwa teams. That doesn't add up."

"Is that your second cash-in?" he asked me calmly, and my mouth closed with a click.

I looked down and grumbled to myself. "...Yes."

"Ten teams," he said, and my head popped up as I stared. "A majority are chuunin, with a few of pure jounin."

That was... That was _at least_ thirty people from Iwa alone, and then there was Kusa with their possible six, or maybe even eight, or more. And who knew how many Ishi sent. Altogether, it could've been close to fifty people, while Suna had the bare minimum on their home turf, and my team had the meager amount of four people. There was no way of calling for any type of backup either, because Kumo was still trying to kick our asses into the ground. Would it be possible to protect all of the villagers _and_ the outlying villages and their citizens, _and_ protect that stupid scroll and keep it from getting into the wrong hands?

The gears in my head stopped moving once I realized I needed to inform Shisui as quickly as possible, and he needed to tell the Kazekage of the new information. But how was I supposed to tell them where I got my information? Would they think I was a spy, or that...

"Then, I'm leaving."

I froze, and watched as Kabuto walked away. I stood up quickly, my heart racing. I still had something I needed from him, and I wasn't sure when he would pop up again. I rushed towards him, my hand grasping his arm and forcing him to stop. His muscles tightened as I leaned in close, whispering,

"Nonou was assigned a mission to kill a certain person who was growing to be a dangerous affiliation for... _him_. She was blackmailed into this in exchange for the safety of the orphanage, and for yours. The _man_ sent a number of pictures to show 'your' growth, so that when you finally met..."

Kabuto slowly turned his gaze to make eye contact with me. Finally, he huskily asked, "What do you want?"

"I need you to look into finding a certain person who's gone off the radar. Her name..." I paused, before pushing forward. "Her name is Nii Yugito."

I saw recognition at the name in his eyes, and he nodded, albeit very slowly. "I will be in touch."

"All right." I let my hand fall from his arm.

He turned away before stopping and meeting my gaze once again. "...You are a frightening child."

I could only give a slight smile as he walked away, the swinging doors sliding closed behind him.

* * *

My breath was coming out in puffs when I finally touched down on the veranda again, my eyes wild as I pulled open the sliding doors without any pretense of being quiet. Anko, startled out of her sleep, rolled backwards out of bed, a kunai in her hand as her blurred eyes caught onto my form. The chakra signatures in the next room flared as well in response to Anko's adrenaline rush. Sensing that there was, in fact, no danger presented to her, I saw her blink several times and her chakra calmed down, though it twitched randomly here and there. She wiped her face with a hand and flashed her chakra a few times to give the all-clear, but she was not particularly happy when she finally focused on me again.

"Hotaru," she breathed out, annoyed. "It's... It's nearly four in the morning! What the hell were you doing?"

"I'm sorry," I told her honestly, my words curt as I was still reeling from Kabuto had told me. "I'm sorry, but..."

Anko frowned more deeply before switching on the lamp and looking at me harder. "Hotaru," she began slowly, noticing that something was off, "what's going on?"

"I can't explain everything, but I have important news on the development of our mission. It's urgent!"

"Hotaru..."

"I'm serious!" I almost yelled. "Please, _please_ don't ask me where I got this information, but know that it's the real thing. It's real, I swear, and..."

I slowed down upon seeing her expression of concern. My eyes drifted to the floor. "Please, trust me."

She didn't say anything for a while, and only took in a deep breath. Then, just like that, her chakra flashed slowly once, before another two quick one followed directly after. I met her gaze curiously, but she only looked to the door when both Shisui and Hitomi came in, their movements wary as they regarded us curiously.

Shisui looked first at Anko. She turned to look at me, her face expressionless, but that was okay – her actions told me all I needed to know. I gave her the slightest of smiles before Shisui instead switched to staring at me.

"Situation?"

"Yes," I said with a nod, going to full attention. "I'm afraid our mission has become a bit more complicated."

I would never forget the grimaces of anxiety and dismay that crossed their faces when I began telling them exactly what Kabuto had informed me. While Anko visibly paled, a bead of sweat slipping down her face as she was probably considering what this information meant for our actions, Hitomi just seemed resigned to the ugly picture. Shisui, however, stayed strong.

"How did you come by this information?" he asked, and I gritted my teeth.

Moments passed and he finally understood that that particular source was not something I could tell him. I was prepared for him to dismiss my allegations, because from where he stood, I could have been uttering absolute nonsense. I was ready for him to kick me off the team, to say that I was no longer of any use.

"...Do you trust this source?"

I was not prepared for that question. I lifted my eyes slowly to see Shisui looking directly at me. "What?"

"If you trust it," Shisui edged, his tone calm, "I will trust your word and inform the Kazekage immediately. Once again, do you trust this source?"

I felt like something had shifted in the dynamics of our team, but I wasn't sure exactly what. I tentatively nodded my head nonetheless.

He didn't say anything at first, but then he nodded after a time. "Understood. Everyone be ready to go within the next five minutes. We need to tell the Kazekage of our new circumstances."

I could do nothing but stare at his back as both he and Hitomi left the room, and I turned to look at Anko, who was now busy getting dressed. She noticed my staring and looked at me. And then, as if by some miracle, she smiled gently at me, her eyes reflecting her pride for my actions. And then, just like that, she turned away.

I looked down at the ground, a single question buzzing in my mind.

What had changed?

* * *

Omake: kill3rdarren

So, Anko and I had moved into a larger apartment a month or two ago to accommodate our latest roomie, Yugito. Because she was familiar with me, and a possible breach of security in the village, I'd taken the responsibility of overlooking her. And while that was all well and good, and while it seemed like they should've been just peachy with one another, my two older sisters didn't seem to get along very well. Or rather, each one jealous over the other one's time with me, which was ridiculous. I mean, I could understand Yugito to a point, but Anko? We'd lived together for _years_.

Anko _might_ also have an issue because I walked into the bathroom where a naked Yugito was rubbing lotion onto her body, and walked out with a blank expression. It _might_ also have to do with the fact that I, uh, didn't notice a single other thing for the next few hours and just stared into space like that?

Well, you can't blame me! Yugito is fucking, bodaciously hot. Like, hawt. But, what with Anko on this kick about no sexual things near me whatsoever, and the fact that I'd shown some... _interest_ in the blonde before, my biological sister was having _none_ of it. It was so bad that the woman would make sure to be there whenever Yugito and I were alone. Dudette, I have a crush, a singular fixation. That, in no way, denotes that I'm going to peel the jinchuuriki's clothes off and make mad love with her. For one, I was still too young to care about hormones and shit. For two, I looked up to her as a sister. It's like when kids have crushes on their moms or dads. Same thing.

But _no-o-o-o-o_. Anko was having _none_ of that. So, I took to annoying her on a regular, goddamned basis. Happily.

I went out of my room one evening and asked my sister,

"Hey, where's the chocolate sauce? Oh, and some whip cream, and a cucumber?"

She stared at me strangely before pointing up at the cabinet. "...The chocolate sauce is up there, and the other two are in the refrigerator... Wait, why do you need any of those? You're going to make yourself sick, eating those."

"Oh," I casually said, pulling the chocolate sauce down and stuffing it into my arms with the other products, "this isn't for me."

"Why would Yugito need any of that?"

"You're right! Do we have any fish, too?"

Anko stared at me even further. "...No. What are you up to."

"Aw, too bad," I replied, shrugging my shoulders. "Guess she'll just have to deal with this."

"Hotaru..." my sister warned, and I flashed her a quick smile.

"It's nothing. She said she wanted to play a quick game with me. Said it would have wonderful benefits."

Anko paused at that, warily asking, "...Like what?"

I smiled widely, and eagerly. "Oh, she just wanted to do a little foodplay. No big. Anyway, see you!"

I ran out of the room, leaving her to flinch back at my explanation. I hid behind my door for a little bit before hearing a horrendous roar.

" _YUGITO! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!_ "

I snickered.

* * *

Hmm. Today's calm chapter brought to you by the song, "Tomodachi no Shi (the song of a friend)" by Nakamura Ataru. Nice song.

Question: Would you prefer to give or receive, and why?


	43. Chapter 43

So, this finally happened. It wasn't exactly writer's block, either. Just...time. Initially, I'd been trying to make this incredible scene between Hotaru and Anko and it tripped me up, and never got written. So, now, some months later, we're back on track. Maybe. :) (I just wanted to preen from your reviews again)

An announcement, and most certainly one you are allowed to ignore: I've created a P(a)treon account with my same username here. There's no reason or necessity for you to donate, so no need to worry any about that. It's nice to know you guys read my stuff any at all.

Next announcement: I made a poll way back when and had planned to use a chapter to introduce it, buuuut... It's a question about chapter length for this story. Check it out if you haven't already.

Guest reviews:

Guest: I'm so glad that you enjoyed it! That's wonderful to hear, most certainly. Thanks for coming by!

Guest: Yes, I, too, would like to write things with Anko, Hotaru, and Yugito all together. Can you imagine the shenanigans?

Guest: That would be because my Kabuto is amazesauce.

GhostlyGuest: I'm glad you enjoy it! So, are you a real ghost? Oooo.

* * *

I-... I felt a touch confused.

I didn't understand Rasa – I truly didn't. Once upon a time, when this world was simply a fantastical idea in the form of a graphic novel, I'd never paid much attention to the dead Kazekage, and I most certainly hadn't cared about his when he rose again from death in the war. I'd known he was a manipulator of gold dust, and that he had arrogant tendencies with the skill to back them up. And, unless I'd gotten my facts incorrect, I'd known he loved his village to a point beyond extreme. He was the ideal Kazekage coming from a citizen's standpoint, but a terrible human to any foreigner forced to deal with him. Having been pushed into a situation where I had to deal with him face-to-face, as indirectly though it might have been, I found myself irritated by the sheer scale of his...

How should I put this? It's like the man forewent common sense because of this misguided belief that it didn't apply. But, that's not true either. The man was incredibly intelligent and knew how to run a village, knew how to make it survive and possibly thrive, but, it was like instead of seeing a danger and countering it out of a sense of self-preservation, he sought instead to push forward, throwing all thought of risk to the wind because he couldn't possibly fail.

I disliked that. No, I hated it. He was ignoring key principles out of some strange sense of pride, and even worse, he was using others to fuel that motion. There was no excuse for beating his chest like a gorilla when lives were on the line.

Perhaps I was at fault for expecting the Kazekage to be a man who understood reason, someone who wouldn't flat out laugh at us in our faces when we tried to inform him of the very dire problem we were certain to face. I hadn't expected Rasa to grin maniacally, as if his calling had come and he was accepting it without hesitation. I had fully expected the man to share some concern, some worry, over the fact that he would be overrun with foreign ninja, but the man only laughed. He just laughed.

I hated his laughter, especially when it was _our_ asses that were going to be out there, fighting for a village that wasn't ours.

"You are not concerned?" Shisui asked in that same insipid tone of his.

Rasa stood up and went to look out his window that oversaw the entire village. He was quiet for some time, his hands clasped behind his back as his eyes remained focused on whatever it was he saw. The four of us waited silently and I frowned, eyeing him suspiciously.

"Is that how it seems to you?" Rasa returned, still turned away from us. "Would you rather I run around like a headless chicken, clucking my worry and concern over my people, wondering how I would keep them safe? What purpose would that serve, other than to waste my energy? Then, I must also consider your team's presence here. It would not bode well for special representatives to my village to die, particularly if it is found out there were other options I could have taken in hindsight."

The redheaded man shifted around slightly, his beady eyes focusing on all of us. "The fact that these enemies are attempting this ridiculous farce at all is because they do not feel threatened by the village's power, or even mine alone. I had hoped the foolish, old man wouldn't push his luck again, what with us being allied with Konoha, but it seems that he is starved for success and dying for a way to push himself to the top again. He is an imbecile who knows little of Suna's ways, which may very well work in our favor this time around."

Shisui remained silent, and Hitomi respectfully asked, "I assume this ties in with your plan for how to repel the invaders?"

"What do you know of the Vault of Chrest?" Rasa inquired with the slightest of smirks.

All of us looked at one another with frowns and blank faces. Hitomi, being the oldest and perhaps the most knowledgeable of topics concerning foreign countries, narrowed her eyes slightly. "If rumors are to be believed, it is an impenetrable prison that secretes some of the most influential and, perhaps, destructive information in all of the Elemental Nations. There are documents in there that could potentially cripple other nations, and utterly devastate or sabotage any of the Five Great Hidden Villages. It is the major reason that, despite lacking a formidable army, other villages have not attempted to completely crush Suna by now."

"Indeed," the Kazekage agreed easily. "It brings me little pleasure to admit that my village could not hold a candle in military power in comparison to the others, but so long as the path to this intelligence, to this _dirt_ , remains inaccessible to the other countries, we are tolerated."

It went unsaid that despite there being the option of simply teaming together and throwing down Suna in one fell swoop, most villages would probably be a little greedy to get their hands on something that would tip the scales in a teetering balance. I had a feeling that our guests wouldn't go just for the scroll in the Kazekage's possession, but after more than that, even. The very thought made my heart race a bit, and I wondered if we were focusing a bit too much on the one scroll. Was it even really all that important in the end?

Anko passed me a glance, and so did the Suna leader, unfortunately.

"You've something to say?" he asked coolly, and I almost took a step back at the frostiness in his eyes. "By all means. Don't keep us waiting."

I rubbed my thumbs against my fingers to distract me from my sudden nervousness.

"Something about this doesn't add up for me," I said loudly enough for everyone to hear. Rasa frowned deeply at that. "I mean, if Iwa wanted a way to ruin Kumo, or even Konoha, all they would have to do is launch an attack right now – full power, no holds barred. Either side, particularly Konoha, at the moment, would be pressed in from two sides and would probably fold easily enough. Then, if Iwa, or whatever country, was feeling particularly ambitious, they could then attack the remaining enemy and seize control, possibly. And, there's the fact that any particular information on Kumo could potentially cause them harm. There's no point in going after this one particular scroll."

I finished my monologue hesitantly, and almost added an "I think" before foregoing it.

Shisui nodded silently, his dark eyes downcast as he shifted his stance a bit. "I found it suspicious from the moment we received the mission, and Kazekage-sama's admissions only confirmed my concerns. But then," my team leader continued, looking up at the redheaded man, "you knew that from the very start. This was a ploy."

From the full smirk that crossed Rasa's face, I knew for a fact that it definitely was. "Do not misunderstand," the man assured us, not denying anything. "The information contained within that scroll is most certainly important, but it wasn't the entire goal... Although, by this point, I'm sure you connected the dots quite quickly, Uchiha-san."

"This is unquestionably a bit," Shisui paused for half a second before saying, "unconventional, Kazekage-sama."

"I had honestly hoped for more."

"You would doom us to an early grave, if I may be so frank," the Uchiha murmured, and, I _think_ I heard the slightest bit of irritation in his voice.

Rasa only gave an enigmatic smile before it fell away to a cold, detached expression. "I currently have people working on the first phase of the plan. The second phase will be executed tomorrow at an undisclosed time. You will receive further instructions covertly, detailing position, timing, and destination. Be ready to move at a moment's notice."

"Sir!" we simultaneously answered.

As soon as we left the room and had walked down the corridor leading from it, I muttered,

"I think I'm missing something here."

Anko made a small sound of agreement. "I think I understood some of what was going on, but I'm a little lost, too."

Hitomi remained silent as we walked, until finally saying, "They are playing a dangerous game – something akin to poking a sleeping tiger with a spear."

"Not a stick?" I asked, my eyebrows raising. "That's how the saying goes, usually."

"No," she replied, meeting my gaze so I could understand how serious she was. "Not a stick."

That startled me into silence and I didn't say another word as we made our way to our private rooms. Shisui opened the door and motioned that we follow both he and Hitomi inside. While the latter sat gracefully on the bed, with Anko joining her after a moment of deliberation, I plopped on the floor at my sister's feet and hugged my knees to my chest. Shisui glanced around the room once, contemplated silently, and then flipped between a number of different hand seals before placing his hand on the ground. Trails of kanji led out from around his hand, crawling across the floor, up the walls, door, and windows, before finally inching across the ceiling, and then finally flickering out of view seconds later.

"Hyuuga-sama?"

The veins around her eyes were already retreating by the time I glanced back and up at her.

"We are safe, for now."

"Thank you," the man told her softly. "Let me ask: how much of the conversation did you understand?"

Anko answered first: "What I got from it was that the focus was never actually this scroll itself, and that it's all part of some bigger picture. The part I didn't understand was when the Kazekage claimed he'd hoped for more. Was he referring to the information, as in more details, or what exactly? More people to help?"

"Pretty much all I got," I interjected, "was that you had a pretty good idea of what was going on."

Shisui just looked at me for a short while. "Is that all you understood?"

Then, without letting me answer, he switched his attention over to our resident Hyuuga. "What of you, Hyuuga-sama?"

"I have a theory," Hitomi conceded, "but let us not waste too much time, Uchiha-san. Please get to the heart of the matter."

"Indeed," he agreed after a small period of silence. "Here is the situation: essentially, from the onset of the mission, we were enlisted as a means of distraction. Outwardly, we were to be seen as a small unit heading toward Suna with the intention of passing over important information on some radical implementations within Kumo that, without a doubt, affect both Iwa and Kiri. Now, while there certainly may be intelligence regarding those particular countries in there, alongside of several lesser villages, it is not definitive enough to actually cause a significant shift in the war itself."

I looked up to see Anko frowning, her attention completely focused on Shisui. "I'm not entirely sure I understand why we're here then. What kind of distraction could a small team like ours provide?"

"In the larger scale of things, not much," admitted Shisui. "But we were never posed to directly affect the war. We are being used as a diversionary tactic. At one point," he continued, looking at me, "it was questioned how other countries could have known about the information so quickly. It's not a simple matter of news traveling fast, it's more that the right people were notified, discreetly, about the topic. The right people heard whispers and tidbits and that quickly moved along via messages, summons, and the like. Obviously, Kumo was informed as well.

"What needs to be understood most, though, is not the part we play, but the fact that Kumo is under the misconception that dangerous information could potentially be leaked to other countries, and put them into a more detrimental position. If Kumo meets any resistance from multiple sides, it will falter and may even fall. In which case, that village cannot fight at full strength."

A small sound of understanding escaped my sister's mouth. "They'll need to plug holes to make sure they aren't taken by surprise, while Suna and Konoha can continue launching their attack without as much concern."

The Uchiha nodded slowly. "That's a part of it. The next has to do with the Vault of Chrest itself. No one is really quite aware of how much information is stored in that prison, although everyone knows of its existence. The fact that it will be opening is not lost on any country whatsoever, and in the event that we 'fail' to accomplish our task, this could mean a number of other countries, like Iwa, for example, will have decisive information that could sway the balance of power ridiculously. In the event that other nations find intelligence on Kumo and use that in addition to whatever is listed in our mission scroll, then the latter would have a very serious problem on their hands."

The man fell silent after that, allowing us to filter all of the new information.

"Okay," I said eventually, ending the silence, "but what does that have to do with the Kazekage wishing for more? What are we helping to accomplish here?"

"We're baiting them," Hitomi answered quietly. "We may be trying to push Kumo into a bad position, but the problem actually lies with how long Konoha and Suna can last. Konoha hardly made any wonderful, lasting impressions on Iwa, and this would be the perfect time to strike. Iwa doesn't want to be involved in the crossfire between the two fighting nations because of the fact that it could go either way. The easiest route, understandably, is to sneak into less defended nation and cut through until they reach the prison. In all of the confusion, they would almost definitely have a chance to steal away everything that could give them an advantage."

Anko nodded. "That must mean the Kazekage has some kind of plan to take the whole lot of them out with minimal difficulty."

"I wouldn't say minimal," the Hyuuga disagreed slightly, "but you are on the right track."

Shisui looked at me. "Anything to add?"

The two women looked down at me as well, and I frowned. Why me? "Distance."

When the Uchiha raised an eyebrow, I added, "Unlike our village that's in the center of everything, Kumo won't get news as quickly or as swiftly. It would take time to reach their ears about their specific situation, and that will only cause more anxiety, and make them lose focus on the battle again Konoha. It could go either way for them, and if they're constantly worried about that, then Konoha could gain a few more strong footholds."

He tilted his head slightly. "You do love talking about matters of distance, don't you?"

I narrowed my eyes slightly and he shook his head. "In any case, I do not know precisely what the Kazekage has planned, but you can be certain it will be intensive, both physically and mentally. No matter what happens, whether you are whisked away during the night or at midday, you are to obey your orders without fail. You are free to do as you wish for the rest of the day, though I would strongly suggest resting while you can. Dismissed."

Rising up from the floor, I looked back to see Anko waiting for me at the door. We both nodded back at our team captain, as well as Hitomi, before leaving the room and shutting the door behind us with a gentle click. The moment we were back in our room, I shut the door behind me, muttering,

"How much you want to bet that there's nothing but a smilie face written on that scroll?"

Anko scowled as she laid back on her bed before snorting. "It'd better be the best damn smilie face ever drawn in the world."

I let out a round of laughter before trailing off after a while.

"Hey, Anko?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think this is going to actually work?" I asked with a frown.

She was quiet at first before finally saying, "I'm not sure. Personally, I think it's a desperate tactic with no real means of success, but I also have little intention of failing my mission. I also don't see the real connection between this and the war because it seems like such a small venture. Yes, Kumo will be warier than before, but will it really turn the tides for us? I know that Konoha has been doing well since the departure of the Nibi Jin–, I mean, Yugito, left their side, and since the Hachibi got hurt fairly badly, but I'm concerned that we aren't just being optimistic about all of this."

"Two of the Sannin are in the battle, too, though," I pointed out.

"You're right," Anko conceded before she let slip a deep scowl. "With the third one out doing who knows what with his fucking experiments. Damn it, just the thought of him pisses me –"

Anko winced, her entire body flinching as she clapped a hand over her neck. She leaned forward, her body trembling slightly while I stood near awkwardly, unsure of how to really go about helping. As her breathing evened out again and her hand slipped from her shoulder, I turned my gaze over towards the window.

"Still not any better?"

She glanced at me before silently turning away. I tilted my head slightly as I looked her up and down, but she just continued to stare at something on the other side of the room. Her eyes closed briefly, and then she looked up again.

"No," Anko murmured. "Not yet, but don't worry."

I crossed my arms over my chest and took a seat on my bed, slowly leaning back until I was lying down fully. The cursed seal of whatever, since I couldn't recall its official name, as a whole, always bothered me. It was essentially a free pass to crazy power, but relied on a strong willpower to keep it from taking over a person's sanity. And, before my clinically insane phase, I would have totally been up for being bitten and using that to push myself to even more dreadful limits. I realized her thing about Orochimaru kept her from utilizing it, but I wondered if that was the only thing that stayed her hand, so, I decided to take that jump, because I loved jumping into frying pans and burning ovens and shit.

"Anko," I started slowly before hesitating. I pushed myself back up into a sitting position and saw her looking at me intently. "Anko, about that cursed seal..."

Her face lost all remnants of expression and she stared blankly at me. "We are not discussing this."

"Wait, no, at least listen to what I have to say!"

Anko's tone became just as bland as her facial expression. "You don't understand, Hotaru. I don't mean that in a demeaning or belittling way, but that you really _don't_ understand. I don't know how much you know about my situation, and although I am irritated that you know anything at all, it isn't about the power. It isn't about the pain. It isn't about any of whatever you believed it was about. I am not that shallow – if I've told you once, I've told you a million times: use everything you have within your arsenal to secure a win, if you're certain of it. This isn't about that."

I sat there on the bed, beseeching her to tell me what was the issue. "Then why –?"

"And that," she cut in quickly, "is precisely what we are not discussing. Period. Under any circumstances. Never."

"Anko..."

She rose up from her position on the bed and adjusted her trench coat, smoothing out the sleeves. Her brown eyes weren't necessarily cold, but I could tell that any resistance to her directive would be met with force and retaliation. This was not a conversation she would ever allow me to be part of, probably no matter how old I got, or no matter how accomplished I became. And, from an adult's standpoint, I could understand that. There were simply things you kept to yourself and never shared with others, because they meant that much to you, or because they were a burden only you could bear. I knew not to argue, but it irritated me.

Night after night, my sister rarely had the opportunity to sleep for long periods of time. She would wake up in cold sweats, or flop around on the bed in the midst of nightmares. Sometimes Anko's pain would be so bad that she'd have to stay up the rest of the night and just muster through it. Other times, her eyes would be so shadowed from painful memories that broaching her with any type of conversation was difficult at best, impossible at worst.

I often wished that I knew seals enough that I could transfer the curse over to myself. It was something I'd been thinking about more and more lately, and it was something I could use as a bargaining chip with Orochimaru. If _I_ had the cursed seal, and could sufficiently use it, I could ask him to clear up the issues with my sister and make her better again, physically. There was nothing I could do about her mental state, about the memories she lacked, but if I could take away that pain, at least some of it...

And, I wasn't about to deny the usefulness of the curse itself. That would be a very beneficial thing to have on my side, and it would make me valuable to someone. If I was valuable to Orochimaru, taking on Danzo wouldn't just be some imaginings in my head – it could take on new possibilities. If I proved myself an asset to one of the strongest men in the world, one of the most conniving, scheming, brilliant madmen in the entire Elemental Nations, there would be little standing in my way to get at what I wanted. Of course, I would have to deal with Orochimaru afterwards, and that wasn't something to look forward to, but, the fact that there was any chance of fulfilling one of my many goals...

Was it stupid of me to want to soak myself in one deadly poison just to rid myself of another? Playing with fire while in the midst of a burning inferno? No, it was retarded beyond belief, and thank God that Anko couldn't hear my thoughts, but even still...

I looked over at her as she pulled out our bag of money, counting out the pieces solemnly to know how much we had to work with. My gaze flashed up to her high collar, the one that hid the curse seal from view when it was active. I knew that the Hokage had sealed it – I knew that even if the pain started up and it flashed into existence briefly, that it would be gone soon enough, leaving only pain in its trail. I also knew the pain never came unless she actively thought of its creator, whether by accident or intentionally. Even still...

"I wish it were me," I murmured. It was stupid, illogical, ridiculous, but...the thought remained there all the same.

I was taken aback when she ever so slowly shifted to look at me, the money bag falling to the ground and spilling ryou coins here and there, the bills also falling out. Anko stared at me for so long that I ended up scooting back a bit from the intensity.

"Say that again."

Her voice was hollow and I firmly kept my mouth shut. Anko took a step forward, slowly, and I got the feeling that I was dealing with yet another of her snakes.

"Say it."

I scooted back a bit more. "I'm just saying that if were me, at least, then you wouldn't..."

Her hand whipped out and grasped my vest, dragging me off the bed and right up until I was closely face-to-face with her. My hands automatically clasped at her wrist, and her right hand grabbed another fistful of my vest. Her caramel brown eyes looked deeply into mine before she whispered,

"Never, _ever_ , say that to me again. Do you understand?"

"I was just trying to –"

"Get. That thought. _Out_ of your head," she whispered so softly, I almost couldn't hear her despite the proximity. "Don't you ever, ever, _ever_ go searching for that man. I mean it, Hotaru. Don't you dare."

At first, I thought she was just angry, but when I really, _really_ looked back at her, the only thing I could see was desperation, concern, and worry.

 _Don't do this to me._

I turned my gaze away. I couldn't take that intensity, how fervently she hoped I would stay out of trouble.

"What if _he_ comes for _me_?"

She couldn't deny the possibility. My relation to her quite plainly made that an almost certain reality. I was far more likely to meet him because I was Anko's sister than anyone else in the village save for the Hokage and the other two Sannin. The danger was just that much greater.

"Then, you come to me," Anko told me in a tone I couldn't place as she gently set me back down on the bed and kneeled in front of me. "If that man ever tries to approach you, and you recognize him for who he is, you come to me. You tell me. I will fight him, with everything I am. I will use this seal. I will use _everything_ in my disposal, everything I can to fend him off, at the risk of my own life. But, you come, to _me_. Don't ever, _ever_ bargain with him. Don't ever take to him, don' t _ever_ follow him. Promise me."

"But what if –" I started before she interrupted me quickly.

" _Promise me_. Swear that you will never intentionally go looking for him. _Swear it_!"

She looked at me as calmly as ever, but her gaze... Her eyes depicted a different story of complete and utter anguish and despair, a wildness that showed a few like none other. I realized she was genuinely frightened, more than she'd been when she discovered me in Kumo, more than she'd been when she saw that I'd been injured so terribly. This terror rocked her to her core – she hated, loathed Orochimaru as much as she was irrevocably terrified of him.

I hesitated, and I could just see her anxiety step up a notch. I bowed my head.

"And, if there's no other way?"

"Then, I will find one," she told me so resolutely, not a doubt present in her tone and application of words that I found myself finally sighing. She was determined – I would give her that.

Shrugging, I replied, "Okay. No searching for the genius madman with a crazy long tongue."

"Promise that you will come to me!"

"I promise to seek you out," I vowed, inwardly thinking that I would _probably_ tell the Hokage first because no offense against my sister, but, we needed a _bit_ more firepower than just her to beat that dude.

With that, her shoulders slumped and her head fell to rest against my thigh as she took in a shuddering breath. I hesitated at first, but then allowed my hand to gently lay on her head, my fingers running along her beautiful hair. I bowed down and hugged her awkwardly, hearing her murmur,

"You're going to send me to an early grave."

"Not even Death would want to deal with someone like you."

At that, she snorted before rising back up and picking up the money on the ground as if our talk had never happened. Her eyes looked tired as she spared me a soft smile and gently volleyed the bag of money into the air before catching it again.

"How about we catch a bite to eat before retiring for the night?"

I just gave her a grin of appreciation.

* * *

The bronze finish of the large bow in my hands glinted from the rays of the midmorning sun. I ran the tips of my fingers along its length, feeling the tautness of the string as I pulled it back and released. It twanged softly, reverberating as the string shuddered back and forth until finally falling still. Rotating the weapon in my hands, I admired how light it was, but it wasn't a bow built for heavy duty action. If I ran out of arrows, I couldn't use it to clock someone over the head like a makeshift bludgeon. Strictly speaking, it wasn't a weapon made with the intention of being used by ninjas. I couldn't break it down and stuff it away if necessary. Running around with it would've been taxing on me. No, this bow was made for civilian purposes, for the protection of one's own home, or for sport.

In fact, most all of the weapons I associated with being long-distance projectile weapon were not applicable for ninja use, as a whole. Certainly, there were kunai, ninja wire, a bunch of other melee weaponry, but bows and arrows just weren't a thing. I consoled myself with this by thinking that it was because there were too many odds and ends one needed, and because bows could end up causing more problems than it would solve.

Lately though, I'd come to realize that I was just _not_ suited for hand-to-hand combat. Quite honestly, I sucked at it. Miserably. Ridiculously. I was also hilariously untalented with ninjutsu and genjutsu of every kind. I lacked chakra control, so I couldn't manage either of those without excessive use of chakra, or without running myself dry a lot more quickly than predicted. Also, since I was terrible with taijutsu, I couldn't even count on any kind of back-up plan if my chakra ran dry. My reaction timing just wasn't fast enough to depend on normally.

Of course, the one main way to solve that issue was to, obviously, train more. But, then again, with my recent issues, training did not carry the edge it once had. It was something I had to do to survive, but it was something I so did not want to deal with.

So, I had a conundrum, and Anko just wasn't getting it.

"No," I muttered for the fortieth time. "Traps are stupid, and not everyone will fall for them. Plus, what if I do so many traps that I set them off myself? And besides, traps restrict you to a certain range, and the parts needed to make them cost a buttload to replace."

Anko sighed herself. "True, but the end result of using traps puts the enemy into a difficult and precarious position. It shifts the advantage of battle towards your end instead of leaving you flailing because of inability. At least if you take to traps, you can essentially guide your target in the direction you want them to follow, and even if they don't set off any traps, you know where they're heading and can ambush them."

Scoffing, I placed the bow back onto its hooks. "That requires an ability to understand one's position on the chessboard. I'm just not very good at remembering my surroundings enough to make that a option."

"You're young," Anko retorted, watching as I walked away and fingered a couple of sharp daggers. "You may have a new rank, but learning to recognize one's horizons that well is something that takes practice, and years. You've only been at it for a little over three. Give it time."

"It's not the time thing," I argued back, "it's a matter of ability, of what I resonate most with. You can't honestly say that I have any talent in any of the three arts. Hell, sealing? Forget it. Summoning? Takes all my chakra. I'm just no good at those things right now. I need to work to my advantages."

"Such as?" She picked up a pack of chakra bombs and tossed them at me before peering at some high quality trip wire. "I think we both agree that you're too fresh to make any overhead assumptions in regards to the three main arts, and I'm sorry, but I'm not sure our clan had any of its own techniques. I'm still going through all of the manuals in my free time."

"In other words, you haven't even taken a look at them."

"I've been a _little_ busy," she muttered shortly.

I shrugged. "I just wish I could have a sniper rifle, or something that I could use for a long-range, high-density, high-precision, high-velocity, projectile weapon. Basically a lot of highs added to explain how amazing it is."

Anko frowned back at me. "What's a sniper rifle?"

"Something that doesn't and should never exist here," I explained snidely, "and yet something I really, _really_ want. Even if I have to build the damn thing from scratch. I have no idea how to make a gun. I don't even know what parts it needs."

"What does it do?"

By this point, the both of us put all of our goods onto the counter. There was a new pack of five chakra bombs for me (which, by themselves, came to a grand total of five thousand fucking ryou, good God), and several other items we both needed to stock up on. I took one of the bags as Anko grabbed the other and we left the store and began walking down the street.

"I can essentially target people from a long way away and kill them," I bluntly stated. "Even better if there's a silencer, but the ones with silencers aren't normally as powerful as the ones without them, but if I forego the silencer, the enemy could get a jump on my position."

"That sounds like a powerful weapon," she murmured. "I've honestly never heard of the concept."

"That's because it would be hard to build and maintain," I told her with a slight frown. "I'm more concerned on the bullet portion. While it's possible to use chakra-imbued metal, how much would it cost to create even a thousand bullets? Then again, you have to worry about timing, too. At least with the three main arts, getting in and out is a matter of necessity, but with sniper rifles, you have to worry about setting and cleaning it up. It just seems like something most ninja would stay far away from, and it's not something you can whip out in an emergency. It takes time and planning."

"Like traps."

I pinned her with an annoyed stare. "No, _not_ like traps. Traps require a –"

Her smirk shut me up almost immediately, and I could only scowl at her. "Keep that up and I'll make sure Kakashi thinks you're into him."

The horror that appeared on her face after that comment filled me with a sadistic sort of glee and I knew I would milk _that_ particular topic until the cows stopped mooing.

It was nice, though, that she would even be calm enough to exchange banter with me again. I'd missed this exchange of words and although there were still times when she would look at me with the oddest expression of both sadness and regret, and resolve, she was opening herself up to me like before. So long as I steered clear of whatever was making her upset in the first place, along with topics such as Orochimaru or anything to do with memories long forgotten, we did okay. It wasn't bad, but, it seemed like it was shaky ground. Or, maybe I was reading too much into the situation. I tended to do that.

The two of us walked down the street towards the hotel in relative silence as I gazed around at all the different stores. It was pretty boring up until the moment that we made eye contact with a dude who looked somewhat familiar, but was someone I couldn't really place for certain. His white hair should've been a clue, but I was coming up with exactly nothing.

The man gave us one glance before nodding at his friend.

"Hey, Konoha," he greeted rudely and Anko stopped me from just walking on and completely ignoring the dude. "I see you like our shops. Try not to waste too many people's times, yeah?"

I pointedly turned my gaze away as Anko stiffly replied, "That was never our intention."

"Yeah, well, see that you don't," the guy continued before pausing briefly. "By the way, you're up in one of the Kazekage-sama's guest rooms, right? You haven't... _heard_ anything unusual, have you?"

Anko glanced at me, looking as confused as I felt. "Excuse us?"

"Like, screaming?" the man offered unhelpfully. "Or, have you felt anything? You know, not... _human_?"

At that, I knew exactly what he was referring to and was none too pleased about it, but Anko just seemed concerned, and a tad suspicious.

"We don't know what you're referring to, sorry." Oh, I knew very well what the dick was referring to. "So if you don't mind..."

He shifted in front of Anko, blocking her way of passage, causing her eyes to narrow just the slightest. "Look, I'm just warning you to be careful. Not all things are as they seem. If you see this red-headed kid, get the fuck away, though I doubt Kazekage-sama told you anything about that."

"Don't go looking for trouble," piped up the male friend beside the douche. "You might well find it. Suna isn't anywhere near as soft and nice as Konoha. You might actually die here if you don't watch out."

"I still don't know what you're talking about," Anko told them softly, her patience sounding like it was running thin. "And I'm not sure why you stopped us, feeling the need to tell us about something so obscure. So if you don't mind, we need to get back and rest."

The white-haired man looked at her with some surprise before chuckling. "Whatever. Look, just make sure to stay away from that monster. Some 'people' are just monsters no matter what they do. And if you manage to kill him, kudos on you, though I'm pretty sure Kazekage-sama won't be too impressed with that."

I saw Anko's face blank entirely, which seemed to be a common theme with her lately. She glanced back at me before shifting around the two men and walking on. I watched her go before eyeing our interlopers with bored expression.

"You're talking about Gaara, aren't you?"

The man with the white hair lost his smile and he frowned down at me. "How do you know that thing's...name?"

"Does it matter? What were you trying to gain by stopping us?"

"You've got one of them in Konoha, right?" the man said seriously. "You know how dangerous they are. I heard about that incident years ago. The same thing could happen to us at any time. I've been telling anyone who'll listen to be smart about this."

I hiked up the bag onto my shoulder and slid my left hand into a pocket. "I'm sure you meant well, but walking up to people and declaring that some people are basically born to be monsters isn't the best political move. Besides, people aren't born like that. They're made."

"Whatever," he countered, nodding at his friend. "Just stay out of trouble."

Watching them walk away made me frown even more deeply. Stupidity only beget more stupidity, and I felt a bit bad for Gaara to be utterly surrounded by it, and even somewhat appalled that he'd want to _protect_ it. With a yawn escaping my lips, I declared my day to have officially gone down the drain with a pile of a shit, and walked back down the road in order to catch up with my sister.

* * *

I never actually managed to, though. She was already in our room once I'd gotten back, preparing to rest for the length of the day to make sure she was sufficiently prepared for what awaited us. I'd headed to the bathroom for a quick shower and then crawled into my bed for some sleep, since I'd been up for way too long. When I next woke up, Anko was gone from the room, leaving me to my lonesome.

I rubbed my eyes to rid them of the sleep and squinted them as I tried to focus on my surroundings. A quick search only presented me with one other person in the vicinity who I knew, and had zero interest in talking to. And, as much as burrowing back under the covers beckoned me, I pushed them off and crawled towards the end of the bed, only to flop down again and breathe in deeply.

My eyes, in my opinion, hadn't been closed for more than maybe five minutes, but when I opened them again with a start, the sun was starting to set and Anko still wasn't there. I pushed myself up, rubbing my eyes once again as I let out a large yawn. Sliding down off of the bed, I headed towards the bathroom and washed my face and brushed my teeth. When I came out again, I glanced around the room, feeling a bit more awake than before.

The fact that my sister's bag was gone from sight along with a more than half of the products we'd bought earlier didn't escape me this time. Her bed was made as neatly as usual and the smell of her shampoo and soap had long since vanished. I rubbed the back of my head, my eyes narrowing. Seeing some supplies still left on the desk supplied to us, I walked over and rummaged through them for an expensive nutritional bar that would give me all the energy and vitamins I needed, but actually had a decent taste to it. We had bought ten. There were four left after I'd plucked one.

I bit into the bar and peered around some more. The oncoming darkness left a shadow that curved over everything, and it didn't occur to me that the mission had started until long after I'd finished my meal, was dressed to impress, and was sitting on my bed pensively.

The ANBU showed up in my room nearly half an hour after that.

* * *

How'd you like it? I probably got a bit more introspective than usual with this one.

Question: What's your biggest facepalm moment?  
I don't know about my biggest (I've had far too many), but one of them happened today when I drove home, took my keys out of the ignition, and then tried to roll my windows back up. I pressed the buttons a few too many times before realizing that no power = no rolling. I felt kind of stupid. Sadface

Glad to be back.


	44. Chapter 44

All right, votes are in. As of next chapter, I'll try to keep things around 8-10k words. If I fall short, I'm sorry. If for whatever reason, I etch over that limit, I apologize.

Next: P.a.t.r.e.o.n. Yeah.

Guest reviews:

Kali: Ah, we gotta love our dumb moments, eh?

* * *

"I'd thought I'd had my answer, known my plight, but some things are simply too deep, too much to understand. So, instead I try to ignore, try to focus inward on myself, because most all else is out of my control, asking of me more than it should ever demand. Is walking forward to much better, or would it be wise to live in the past? I couldn't ever come to such a realization, I only knew better not to really ask. So, tell me what you would do up there, so high and bright above, tell me what you would do, that sun I have always loved?"

My sandals ground against the rocks and dirt as I rolled around the small item in my right hand. The radio at my ear was as silent as it had been when I put it on two hours ago before I'd transitioned to my target destination. My chakra bombs clinked softly against my chest, and I could feel their hum of power even without concentrating on them. My footsteps felt loud and obnoxious as the bounced here and there through the tunnels and I kept glancing around every so often to make sure I wasn't being followed closely or too obviously. But, of course, just as there hadn't been each previous time I'd checked, there was absolutely nothing around me.

The small item rolled across my palm again.

I dug into one of my vest pockets for my map and flapped it a bit until it opened fully. Minimally applying some chakra to my fingertips for a crude light, I frowned as I judged my current position...which was painfully far from where I needed to be. Unfortunately, much as I'd like to rush forward, I was not only trying to save my chakra for when I needed it – because, really, it was definitely a matter of "when" – but also trying to make sure that no one paid any more attention to me than absolutely necessary. I had no idea of who might be down here with me, and I wasn't too keen on finding out. With my luck, I'd know sooner rather than later.

And once again, the small item made its way across my palm.

Back in the hotel room, where I'd been sitting plaintively for any kind of sign as to when it was my turn to act, the ANBU had shown up with nary a sound, the antelope – at least, I'd thought the animal was an antelope – mask covering the man's face making him seem more comical than dangerous, but even I'd known not to let out even a giggle. He'd handed me a total of four things before disappearing from my sight and senses: a radio set that was keyed to specific channel, and was capable of connecting to _only_ that channel, a mission scroll, the target scroll I was meant to protect, and a small jar. Tossing the other materials on the bed as I sprung into action to ready my pack and put it on, I'd fiddled with the ear bud piece, trying to fit it comfortably and correctly into the right position on my right ear. The attached cord I fed into a pocket of my vest, securing it tightly enough that it wouldn't be too loose and cause me to get tangled up unnecessarily during a fight, and not tight enough that it would fly out of my ear at the slightest tug.

As soon as my pack was hoisted onto my shoulders, I'd turned my narrowed gaze onto the other items. The target scroll immediately went into my bag in a hidden side pocket – I'd had to slip the bag off and back on again to accomplish this, which had been a waste of time. The mission scroll I'd opened immediately after, noting that it contained the origination point, which was a solid two hour journey from the guest room, and the destination point, which seemed fairly close. The scroll had also contained a map, which had so many rounding routes that the destination point was cemented in my mind to be _much_ farther than originally thought. The map had been refolded and put back into my pocket.

There hadn't been much writing or explanation on the scroll itself, except the time to begin and the route to take. However, there had been a very vague line that had concerned me greatly:

 _"Should all seem lost, let this be your savior."_

And really, how much more cryptic could someone get?

I'd rolled up the scroll and took a look at the jar, shaking it gently to hear the soft clattering of whatever was within. Opening the jar and letting the small object fall into my hand, I recall peering at it with some reservation.

"What even is this...?"

The object regained my attention again as the hand holding the map fell back to my side. I twirled it in between my fingers before clutching it within my fist. Opening my fingers slowly, I felt a frown make its way across my face. Its dark green and orange casing didn't bring me any relief, just a sense of dread. To me, this didn't feel like some method that would bring me any sense of happiness or peace. It felt, to me, like the kind of thing one would have as a last minute resort, to end it all.

It made me think of my previous world, where spies and soldiers would ingest suicide or lethal pills filled with cyanide to guarantee a less painful death than would be granted at the hands of an enemy force. You would think after the minimal number of missions I'd experienced, that I would recognize that death really meant death and not a game over. I mean, how many times have I nearly died? But when you can shoot fire out of your hands, jump as high as a building with an energy force formed inside of you, and defy all laws of physics practically, there were times when things seemed too crazy to be real.

Maybe it's even stranger that it took a pill for me to ground myself again into reality. I'd probably have to ground myself a lot in the future, but unlike others, like Kakashi, who escaped reality via pornography, or like my sister who used sex as a tool to help her forget the wrongness of life, I had an entirely different world to dwell on. At least Kakashi and my sister were firmly attached to this world – my escape was an accident waiting to happen. And it would definitely happen, someday.

Biting my lip, I finally tucked the pill into one of my pockets, patting it a bit to make sure it was safe and secure. The map, I smoothed out again, rechecking my route and trying to imprint it into my brain. I looked up and down it, taking into mind the topological levels, though most were very low and didn't differentiate much. My finger traced along the route before I tapped the paper a few times and finally folded it back up and put it back into its pocket. I cracked my neck both ways before letting out a sigh and quickly glancing around me.

Nothing to note.

I spread out my senses as far as possible. Also nothing.

A glance down at my watch told me it was just a little past nine now. Looked like it was time for the show to begin, but before that, I needed to give myself some assurance of actually coming out of this mission alive. Clapping my hands together, I ran through the necessary hand seals: Boar, Dog, Bird, Monkey, Ram. I closed my eyes, let out a slow sigh to ground myself, and then slammed my hand down on the dirt below, muttering,

"Kuchiyose no Jutsu."

I _winced_ as the chakra was torn from me and quickly, but unsteadily pulled out a soldier pill and popped it into my mouth. Swallowing these things like they were just full of sugar was definitely a bad habit, but I wouldn't need to depend on them as much as I grew older and my chakra pools grew larger. Even now, I could _almost_ summon without using a capsule to make sure I didn't die, but I wasn't leaving that to chance, because I could just imagine the post-mortem conversation:

"So, how did she die?"

"Didn't pop a pill after summoning."

"That was stupid of her."

Yeah. That was something I didn't need happening, and oh God, if I died and Anko found out the reason why? She might waltz up to Orochimaru and ask him for that revival technique just so she could kick the ever loving crud out of me. That was not my idea of having a good time.

When my shakiness stopped, I flicked my gaze up cautiously to see my partner's golden eyes staring back at me unflinchingly. Her tail flicked in some agitation, causing me to turn away from her and down at it. I pushed myself up to my full height, and rubbed the back of my neck.

"Hey," I murmured, watching her eyes narrow slightly before she glanced around at our surroundings, her tail twitching a bit more than before.

"We've got a mission."

Her blank stare met mine again, as if to say, "Obviously."

I grunted at the lack of a vocal reply, but was well aware that the cat didn't speak, if at least not to _me_. I crossed my arms over my chest and stretched my senses out again to make sure that the coast was still clear. Nothing pinged my senses, and I glanced at my watch once more. I had to get going, but Citlali deserved an explanation at least.

"We've discovered our mission was designed to be...more than it seemed," I whispered hurriedly, leaving out the word "trap" because that didn't seem like a good idea to say. "I'm currently en route to the specific point of relevance but could possibly be bombarded on the way. I summoned you to make sure I don't die."

The next expression she gave me was not as easily read, and I found myself a little confused. She sat there a little bit longer than expected, as if waiting for me to say something else, but I just stared back at her silently. Then, almost as if coming to some kind of conclusion, she stood up and fell back at my side, though just a bit out of my reach.

"Thanks, Citlali," I told her softly, receiving a harsh glare in return. "What did I say?"

She turned away, and I tried to call out her name again, but this time she bore her teeth at me, making me back up quickly. I raised my hands in surrender, and sighed.

"All right, but I've got to call you something. Will 'C' work?"

Her sniff was about all the answer I got, and I left it at that. Come to think of it, she'd been antsy about the name thing when we were heading towards Suna, too. Maybe it was a cat thing, or maybe a jaguar thing? Or maybe she was just paranoid? Whatever, it didn't matter.

One last glance at my watch told me that I was running late and wouldn't converge in time unless I booked it. So, without even another hint of hesitation, my chakra spiraled down towards my feet as I bent my knees and leaned forward and then...

With gravel exploding up in a furry behind me, I flew into action with Citlali right at my heels, and sped down the tunnels, my chakra now freely emitting a signal that even the dumbest rookie would be able to sense. I debated activating my genjutsu, but there wasn't really a point – this wasn't a reconnaissance mission, nor was it a covert operation where I had to take out the enemy before they even realized I was there. Because, let's face it, I wasn't that good, even if I did have a kickass summon to help me out. Someday, I would be, but for right now? I just needed to concentrate on making sure my targets knew where I was, and that I drew towards the destination point as much as possible, or that I defeat them before then.

 _"This mission is dependent on not being questioned as to its designs. Your target destination is at the large crossroads of the mining facility beneath the large stretches of sand outside of Suna proper. It is believed that you will either meet opposition at the final point, or along the way. It is of the utmost importance that the enemy should be drawn towards you no matter what your situation or position."_

Mines.

Mines were about the last place I wanted to be when a fight went down – the fact that all of the tunnels around us could collapse and build our tombs weighed on my mind greatly, and when I thought about it from a cynical standpoint, I wondered if that wasn't Rasa's intention from the start. I immediately ignored that train of thought though because it simply didn't make much sense from an economic point of view, nor militarily.

The Suna mines, dubbed the Mines of Salutem, were financially beneficial because the metal obtained from its depths was both fed to Suna and was one of its bigger productions and outsourced to smaller villages that didn't have the means of procuring resources for themselves. When a lot of the bigger missions went to Konoha as a result of the third war, Suna lost its main venue of income and had to rely on other means to keep itself afloat. There just isn't that much out there of value in a land full of sand though, and mining became one of the more lucrative assets as a whole. So, honestly speaking, it made absolutely zero sense for the Kazekage to doom the tunnels to extinction, so to speak.

Even militarily speaking, I knew that these tunnels stretched out a great distance and were connected to a number of strategically important structures and facilities, like underground bunkers and so forth. They supplied the Suna shinobi with methods to escape difficult situations by venturing into the mine labyrinth and finding their way to supplies or a place to hide for a reasonable amount of time. The underground bunkers also gave the soldiers abilities to pop up to the surface and launch stealthy counter attacks that would take enemies by surprise.

 _"The vault is located at a central point where every primary path converges. The enemy will be aware of this information and will plan accordingly. It is expected they will attempt to take you by surprise and steal the scrolls, and force the seal masters to bow to their whims and open the vault. Ensure this does not happen with the value of your life."_

I grimaced as I recalled those words before I "felt" something cross the edge of my senses and flinched to the side, my hand already reaching for a kunai as a senbon came flying at me. I slashed at it quickly, as well as several others that appeared out of nowhere. At this point, kunai were in both of my hands as jumped back for distance and slashed at each and every single one.

"Dokugiri!" I heard before Citlali flashed right in front of me and expelled from her mouth a blast of wind chakra that roared down the tunnel with frightening power.

Purple mist swirled around uncontrollably as someone flew through it and straight at me. The claw struck down at me as I heard a strange cackle and evaded it just barely by stepping to the side. Its razor sharp tips dug straight cut through the air and my eyes widened as I fell back a few steps. My armed hands went up immediately as I assumed a fighting stance the moment the person turned towards me.

His eyes were wild and the man looked slightly deranged as he held up his left hand. His right...claw glittered in the poor lighting as it rested menacingly at his side. I knew the guy wasn't right in his head when he let out a series of odd chuckles. I tensed as Citlali came to my side and was slightly relieved that she was completely invisible to this guy.

"Come now, child," the man cooed, which immediately made me take a step back. "I know you have it. It would be a shame to call my team here just to take care of someone like you."

"You're from Kusa," I declared, edging around as he did the same. "Aren't you supposed to be our allies?"

He snickered, his black mop of hair ruffling as his body trembled. "When Konoha loses their pitiful war, who will be around to save our necks? We go where the fruit blossoms fullest."

I frowned. "Where's your team, Kusa?"

"I'm sure they're around, somewhere," he cackled again before smirking snidely. "No need for their help if it's a small fry like you."

"Think they'll come around if they hear screaming?"

His laughter stopped at that and he narrowed his eyes. "I'm sure they'll be envious to hear the cries of someone on their deathbed."

I let myself grin at that as I clapped my hands together. Jumping back as I spread my arms wide, electricity crackling along them, I murmured, "Oh, good."

Citlali approached from behind the man as he focused on me, her jaws wide open as she jumped in for the kill. The man clucked his tongue and turned around immediately to deal with the oncoming threat as I sped forward, my eyes focused completely on his hands and feet. His claw stretched out at her as he prepared a back kick to thrust at me. I shifted to the right, my body protesting at the unplanned movement as I continued speeding forward. Citlali evaded the swipe of his claw and countered with her teeth, before hitting the ground and dashing away. I pushed more chakra into my hands, striking it out as I shouted,

"Raiton: _Hiraishin_!"

My hands slammed into his side, though not as cleanly as I would've liked, and I heard him let out a scream so loud and high-pitched that I could've sworn it came from a teenage girl. He wobbled, his eyes seeking me out, their depths full of pure hatred. I jumped off the ground and nailed him with a heel kick to send him crashing downward and smacking into the dirt and dust. I could see his body still trembling though, but whether that was from my electricity, or from anger, or from trying to stay conscious, I couldn't really be certain.

I hesitated to deliver the final blow – not because I couldn't, because I was definitely past that emotional struggle, but because I wondered if leaving him alive would be the best option, or causing him more pain to get more screams would help me fulfill my mission more easily. Although, it turned out I didn't have to really think about it.

"Kairn!" a few voices shouted out from behind me, and I just narrowly ducked under a kick meant to cleave my fucking head off.

Rolling to the side, I saw Citlali smash her body into another ninja set on taking my life and he was sent slamming into the ground. Four ninja glared at me, the lone, young Konoha ninja, with one of them bent over the dude I took out and trying to heal him. The one my summon had crashed into groaned, but was soon rising to stand himself, his gaze focused on me.

"Hand over the goods, kid," he growled out, pulling something from behind his back and waving it to his side, allowing the thing to unclasp and flip out with scarily quick into a long bou. His chakra sped up and down it, forming a watery film that looked pretty as opposed to dangerous.

"Don't know what you're talking about," I said firmly, with far more confidence than I felt as the Kairn dude pushed himself off the ground with some struggle.

Citlali came to my side, her teeth bared and revealing their pointy yellow edges. Her beautiful coat of fur was standing on end and her jowls were curled up, presenting quite the terrifying picture. The moment I saw more weapons come out, – a sword, a naginata, a fucking _war hammer_ , that stupid dude's claw, a...I didn't even know what the last two were – my confidence slowly dwindled away into the negatives.

"Well, guys, it's been real, but it's time to go!" I said as cheerfully as possible before forming the Rabbit seal and mentally calling out, _Fukashi no Kaze_.

I saw them do a double take when I vanished from right in front of them, but then I nodded at Citlali, turned around, and made a run for it.

"Hey, don't let that brat escape! The kid has the scroll!"

"I can feel him!"

Her! I'm a her! Of all the things to be mentally anguished over as I was chased by a team of enemy ninja, of course it would be my gender.

"Dokugiri!" came another shout, and I turned my eyes around just in time to see a purple cloud burst into existence around me.

I hadn't thought to breathe beforehand, and now that I was dealing with poison, I knew for damned certain that one intake of breath and I was dead, and there wouldn't be any coming back from it this time. Still holding my breath, I countered against the man with a bow, almost automatically since I definitely never saw him physically coming. Something crashed into my side causing me to exhale out my precious oxygen, and I felt myself start to sink to the ground.

A roar that was would've driven me to my knees were I not already on them echoed through the tunnels – and if _that_ wasn't a way to attract more attention, then I was at a loss as to what would. I heard two bursts crash into the walls and the poison mist surrounding me swept away quickly, leaving me gasping for breath as I reached across my body for my side with my left hand, and raised up a kunai to counter with my right. I heard a cry of pain from someone before an outright bone-chilling female cry of pain came and shocked me to my core.

"C!" I grunted out as I fought to keep the bou from crashing into my should and smashing the bones into a fine dust.

With a burst of adrenaline, I pushed back against the man, but a few senbon shot into my chest and thigh, causing me to gasp in surprise. My jutsu faded away and I dropped to a knee and glared at the man raising his bou up high over my head. Just as I was wondering how to counter it, something grabbed me by my collar and _pulled_ me away from where I was sitting to go flying through the air. I hit the ground rolling and heard a nearby crash, and had just enough time to look up and see the man's expression full of disbelief when the bou hit the ground with no target in sight. Citlali appeared at my side again, a hiss coming from her lips and pulling back into reality.

"There he is!" one of the ninja pointed out, and I took that as a sign to get the _hell_ out of dodge.

I glanced at Citlali and she bent down just low enough that I could climb on her back before she darted off like a bullet train. My fingers dug into her fur as I fought to stay on while minimally using my chakra. A senbon sliced into my back and I cried out in pain, a hand reaching over my shoulder to try and pull it out if I could. When a kunai cut straight through the side that had been hit with _something_ and slid right beneath one of Citlali's shoulder blades, she cried out terribly, communicating her pain and I went tumbling off.

Breathing hard, I pushed myself up to see the guy with the war hammer come in fast, ready to slam it down on my struggling summon. My eyes seeing only red, I released my chakra seals far faster than ever before and sped towards the man, my kunai crackling with electricity as I stabbed it into his side. It wasn't enough to stop the war hammer from coming down, but it was enough to veer it off course just so that it barely missed the jaguar. Then, with all of my strength and some chakra to amplify it, I launched the most powerful kick I could manage into his stomach, sending him falling back a couple of meters, his war hammer falling at my feet.

Snake, Ram, Monkey, Boar, Horse, Tiger.

I cupped my mouth with my thumb and index finger, shouting, "Katon: Goukyaku no Jutsu!"

The one woman with a naginata leapt forward and muttered, "Doton: Doryuuheki!"

Right in front of my enemies, a wall burst up from the ground, practically sealing their section of the tunnel off from the flames. I hesitated at that, but ran back to check on Citlali. By this point, she was standing again, although it obviously hurt her to do so. The blood running down her fur was also interfering with her cloak of invisibility or whatever it was, and that's how war hammer dude had been able to see her. I moved in close, quickly, hurriedly.

"I'm going to pull it out, okay?" I asked without really asking as I grabbed the hilt of the kunai. Her pain-filled eyes glanced back at me as I heaved the metal out of her. She barely made a noise during the event.

I saw the wall start to retreat downward and rushed to ask, "Can you keep going?"

Her resulting glare made it seem as if she was insulted that I would even think to ask such a question, and I backed off. Nodding, I glanced back at the receding wall and nudged my head in the direction we need to go.

"Let's move."

As soon as one foot hit the ground in front of me, I zipped off down the tunnel as fast as I could manage. I heard a few of them cry out from behind me, but I ignored them, feeling my chakra drain steadily as I pushed for more and more speed. Citlali ran right beside me, not even wincing despite the pain I knew she had to be feeling. We burst into a convergence of tunnels and I knew that we still had some ways to go. I dug out my map, trying to look at my options as I charged forward. This main tunnel would split off into several others into yet another maze, before converging once again in the main chamber. It would make more sense for Citlali and I to split away and hopefully the enemy would diverge right along with us, but I doubted it.

I was also fairly sure now that I wasn't dealing with jounin, but rather chuunin with a good deal of experience and skill, and unless a jounin suddenly popped up –

As I flashed past one of the branching tunnels, I just so happened to see a completely bewildered man from... Oh, great, Iwa. Fuck my life.

I didn't even bother looking back and just, in a panic, decided to let "It's a Small World" float through my head because oh, my, God, this was _not happening_!

The ground trembled from below my feet, shifting even as I tried to maneuver it. The consistency began to change and grow more fluid as if turning into a river of dirt and mud. I could feel my pace slowing even as footsteps hastened from behind me. I chanced a moment to turn around and see how much more room I had before taking a hit when a chunk of rock was launched directly at and _into_ me. My breath whooshed out as pain crept its way across my body. I could feel myself fall to the ground ungracefully as a kunai slammed into my stomach.

" _AH_!" I screamed out before hissing and clasping a hand over my enemy's. Electricity sped out from my limb and swirled around his, making him scream out almost as loudly as I did.

Citlali was in front of me within half a second, her teeth bared once again as she lashed forward and enclosed her jaws over the man's thigh. He barely had enough time to widen his eyes at the flash of pain before her jaws chomped into and _through_ his leg. His screams hurt my ears as I struggled to pull out the kunai in my body. Red blood streamed down from it, dropping onto my vest as I pushed myself up (with a wince) and slammed it down into his chest. His screams stopped immediately, but that didn't better my situation any.

On top of the six Kusa ninja, I now had an extra team of Iwa guys – eleven in total, since I'd killed one. My eyes glanced back and forth, and I knew there was no way in hell I was getting away this time. Citlali had already come in front of me to act as a barrier, but unless she...

Ooo, now there's an idea.

"C, wind!" I shouted, and a majority of them – mostly the Iwa ninja – looked at me strangely as I ran through seals again and landed on Tiger.

"Watch out, she's going to –"

He never finished his sentence as my burst of fire met with her one of air and exploded into a blazing blast of fiery explosion. I could feel the heat licking at my skin as I struggled to crawl away. A hand clasped onto my shoulder before I could get very far though.

"I'm going to enjoy killing you," the man ground out, and I grasped at my necklace as I breathed in and out quickly, my chest heaving.

"I've already died once," I retorted, my hand thrumming with chakra as it was absorbed into the mini-bomb at my neck. "What's once more?"

My arm lashed out and slapped him across the face even as I threw the bomb into the air hard enough for it to hit the ceiling and ricochet downwards. I shifted to my feet as quickly as I could, although I could feel the seconds ticking down.

Three.

A quick glance at Citlali told me that there was no way she would make it out in time without getting hit by the blast radius. Hell, I wasn't sure if _I_ would make it out in time. The guy I'd slapped shook his head slowly, as if caught by the webbing of time and I saw his eyes center on me even as I struggled to get away.

Two.

I tried to rush through the seals as I rose from my knees, but I could feel myself panicking, but if I messed up then she –

One.

I wasn't going to make it this time. I wasn't going to get out of here in time. I wasn't out of the blast radius yet. The guy was still chasing after me. My _summon_ was still back there fighting –

"Release!"

The blast, as it had years before, hit my back and sent me careening forward a speed faster than I could ever possibly go with my current abilities. The backs of my legs and arms _burned_ from their exposure to the dense chakra and I heard a number of screams that eventually fell silent as I hit the ground wrongly and tumbled, rolled, flipped, and flopped over and over, until sliding to a stop on my side. I opened my eyes slowly as my breath hitched as I took in the _pain_ that my body was currently feeling. I groaned as I fought to turn over and look back down the tunnel, though there wasn't much to see.

The explosion had either killed off every enemy, or they had been crushed to death under the weight of a cave in. The ground trembled around me and I, exhausted where I lay on the dirt, looked around almost confusedly as more and more dirt was dislodged from the tunnel ceiling.

"Oh, no..." I barely whispered as I saw a couple of large rocks come crashing down onto the ground below and I whimpered as I realized that there was going to be a chain reaction.

My arms and legs sparked with pain as I rose up slowly, my muscles trembling as they tried to hold my weight. I almost jumped when another rock slammed down near me but breathed in and out shallowly as I inched forward along the wall, my legs burning so much that I felt like crying. They almost hurt as much as when I'd done that stunt back with Yugito with that new technique. I just wanted to curl up and ignore the outside world as I tried to heal.

After some number of steps, my legs finally gave out, even as everything trembled around me. I breathed in and out as harshly as ever before finally submitting to the realization that I wasn't getting out of this on my own two feet. My hand mechanically reached up and pressed the button on my ear bud.

"Hey," I breathed. "M-8 speaking. Can anyone read me?"

I waited for a little bit before my hand fell to my side. No answer came, and I winced as a block of dirt fell on my head.

" _H-33 calling in. M-8, situation?_ "

" _M-17 speaking. What's going on?_ "

The edge of my mouth curled up into a smile for a moment. "Cave-in. Incapable of movement. Over."

" _U-18, here. Origination of cave-in?_ "

"South district, anchor 299 at branch fifty-two coming from southern pass, east-bound."

More rocks were falling now than ever before and I was growing very afraid of being buried alive.

" _Locked in on your position._ "

It was hardly much time later as I heard rumbling behind me that nothingness soon erupted with a burst of chakra and Uchiha Shisui was kneeled right in front of me. He quickly pulled me over his shoulder in a fireman's carry and before I knew it, we were in an open space, and I was laying on the ground, my pack off of my shoulders. I breathed in as deeply as I could, but the wound in my stomach was starting to pull and hurt more.

I closed my eyes.

"U-18 speaking," I heard Shisui say in his normal monotone. "M-8 has been recovered. Proceed with mission directives."

A cough erupted from me and just as much as I wanted to cover a hand over my wound, my arms simply hurt too much to move. I felt something cool touch my stomach and shivered before warmth took its place immediately. My eyes cracked open a bit.

I saw Shisui pull his hand away as he glanced at me.

"Do not fall asleep," he warned. "I cannot close the wound without cauterizing it, and you've been burned enough for the day."

I stayed silent, but sleep really didn't sound too bad at the moment.

The crackling of the radio brought me back to attentiveness.

" _H-33. All clear on my end._ "

Shisui put a hand at his ear, eyes no longer focused on me. "Enemy count?"

" _Twenty dead. One alive, but in no position to fight."_

"Understood. M-17, status report."

" _Last resort used. Eighteen dead. Running low on chakra. Soldier pill?_ "

"Unnecessary. H-33, report back. M-17, tell me when you are out of the tunnels."

" _Understood._ "

" _Roger._ "

Shisui let out a uncharacteristic sigh as he sat back and then pulled out a bottle of water, lifting it to his lips before recapping it. He sat next to me, staring into the distance of the cavern. He then pulled out a small object that felt like it was humming with chakra as it glowed a bright red. He peered down at it for a little while longer before putting it aside and letting out a few bursts of energy every now and then.

In a flash, I saw him jump to his feet when someone came charging in, kunai already in his hands as he watched carefully from his fighting stance. When Hitomi came running over, he held up the kunai and she stopped quickly.

"Blue, red, green, orange, the leaves are ever changing and with their deaths draws an eruption greater than the heavens."

Shisui finally relaxed at that and looked back at me as I stared at him almost pathetically.

"Multiple third-degree burns," he murmured as Hitomi knelt next to me. "Stomach wound. Chakra levels seem to be fine and manageable, but they're a bit stronger than usual, which means she probably ingested a soldier pill."

Hitomi's Byakugan frightened me as much as it intrigued me, and I watched her eyes shift back and forth as she looked at my condition. She tenderly pulled my arm, making me wince, and glanced back at the Uchiha.

"This will take me some time," she explained. "I'm not sure how much I can get done in time, but it should be enough that she'll be able to move out when necessary."

Shisui nodded. "That will do. We only have three left. Hopefully, that will be enough."

He twitched slightly before reaching into his pocket again for the rock. This time, it glowed a bright green. He reached for his ear bud again. "Status Green M-17. Position?"

" _Approaching tunnel entrance now._ "

With that, Shisui pulled out his scroll, licked his finger and stuck it up into the air. He looked at Hitomi who looked back at him and nodded. He then looked at me before finding my pack and digging around in it. When he found the scroll, he gripped it in his hands too, as well as the one from Hitomi, and then he walked towards the center of the entire cavern.

Hitomi probably noticed my confusion and frowned. "You didn't read the fine print of your mission scroll, did you?"

I blinked back at her owlishly, and she gave a soft smile.

"Where's the pill you received?"

Reaching into my pocket and drawing it out, Hitomi nodded at me, as she produced one for herself. "There's a certain vegetation down here that, when it takes in a specific gas, it will immediately react to the substance and in turn produce more of it in a long, large-scale chain reaction. It's one of the reasons these mines aren't normally traversed by enemy villages, because unless you have a certain immunity or antidote, you would not survive the consequential result. It's been done a couple of times before, but this cavern connects to every single vein of these mines, and as such, is the best way to filter out a dangerous substance, like poison."

Ah, and suddenly, the pills made sense.

"We were originally supposed to draw our enemies here and launch the poison, but as you can see, none of us managed that much. So, now we have to rely on the natural wind to push the poison along through every part of the tunnel. So long as it reaches the vegetation, it will move along naturally, but here in the main chamber, without these things, we would die almost immediately."

"So, we're flushing out everything," I murmured, my voice hardly over a whisper.

Hitomi smiled again before her features sharpened as she turned to look somewhere I couldn't properly see. She gave a curt nod before placing her pill in her mouth and relaying that I do the same.

"Three," she began, watching steadfastly. "Two, one, swallow it!"

I gulped it down just as a burst of green poison floated over in a cloud so thick I couldn't see Hitomi who was sitting right next to me. I felt something within me burn and gasped accidentally, inhaling the scary poison and feeling that I'd doomed myself to yet another early grave. However, the burning sensation then faded immediately and I relaxed, even though the fog was still so thick that I felt I could cut it with a knife.

Slowly, bit by bit, it began to disperse, and then I began hearing popping sounds down the tunnels – loud ones. The sound gradually grew dimmer as the green cloud of deathly poison filtered away. Once again, Hitomi came into view, her expression pensive as she looked down at me and brushed some dirt from my face.

"Exactly ten minutes," I heard Shisui comment as he came back over towards us. "Precisely as predicted."

"Had it been any longer, we would have been finished," Hitomi replied back, her tone darker than I'd ever before heard it. "That man plays a very dangerous game."

"Indeed," the man agreed before he finally came into my view. "Can you move? It's time to head back."

The last thing I wanted to do was prove I was as useless as he probably thought of me, but when I tried to sit up, the backs of my legs protested enough that I had to grit my teeth to keep from whining. Hitomi frowned and shook her head.

"She won't make it back like this."

"I will take her then. Let us hurry."

* * *

The hospital here in Suna was no fancier or better looking than the one in Konoha, and just as tragically boring. My legs and arms, and stomach at that, were all wrapped up tight like Christmas presents and I wasn't very happy with the look of dismissal my nurse had on her face when she saw me. Okay, lady, I know you don't like me (because oh, my, God, Konoha!) but you can at least stay professional and treat me as you would any subject. I nearly died for your stupid village and fuck it if I'm going to tolerate such treatment.

I was in a bit of irritated state at the moment, no thanks to that retarded nurse, and no thanks to my healing skin which itched to fucking hell and I couldn't scratch it and everything sucked and, damn, I just wanted to bite someone in the fucking face. I was so frustrated by this point that when my sister came in I was ready to give her a glare harsh enough to kill.

"Rough time?" she asked with a knowing smile, and I glared harder.

"What about the mission?"

Anko frowned at me, but still chose to answer, regardless. "The tunnels were flushed as planned, but Suna is getting a lot of activity over in nearby villages. Most of the ANBU that aren't directly involved in protecting the main village have shipped out to resolve minor skirmishes here and there."

"So, what about us? Are we done?"

Her lack of a quick answer annoyed me further. "What, we have to stay _longer_?"

"Unfortunately," she answered dryly. "We're each being sent off to specific villages to help with their problems. Suna is just really short-handed right now and asked for special permission from Hokage-sama for us to stick around and minimalize the damage."

I banged my head back on my pillow a few times and growled a bit, prompting another frown from my sister.

"Stop that," she directed softly. "What's wrong?"

"It was only supposed to be a simple delivery," I muttered. "And then, somehow it became a trap, which nearly became a death trap, but is now being turned into damage control, and what else are we going to have to do before we get to go home?"

She was silent for a while. "We have to fulfill our mission parameters, Hotaru. You know that."

I laughed crudely. "Fuck the mission. What's the point of all this?"

I barely noticed her tense and glance at me sharply before she finally asked, "What?"

"I just feel like we're puppets," I murmured a bit miserably. "I hate not knowing what's going on. I didn't know on my last mission, and I don't really know on this mission. I feel like I should have a better understanding of what I'm about to risk my life for, but it's just been question marks after more question marks, and for what? Are we even winning this war?"

This war that started because of my idiocy, practically?

Anko peered at me in a calculating manner. "Some things are best left unknown."

"Sure," I agreed, "but which is more important: our lives or the mission?"

At that, her face screwed up as a myriad of emotions ran through her eyes before it evened out into a blank expression. "I can't answer that. I'm not sure anyone can."

I frowned back at her. "Well, if it was you, which would you value more if it concerned my being? My life, or your mission?"

When I posed the question, she completely froze, her eyes widening and her muscles stiffening. And, as I waited for her answer, I thought I saw the strangest flash of regret go across her features before she gritted her teeth. Her eyes narrowed and when she looked at me this time, it seemed as if she were an entirely different person.

"I am a ninja of Konoha, a special jounin," she told me tonelessly. "I will do what I have to."

That... I didn't understand what she meant but... Oh.

I looked at her again with opened eyes as her serious ones bore into mine and I found myself turning away. I had my answer.

* * *

So, it's nearly five in the morning. Why am I bothering with a chapter this early? Time for bed. *yawns*

Q: What is the nicest thing that has ever been done for you?


	45. Chapter 45

Welcome back to the next segment of ASLNO. Quick summary of the past months: came back to the States from Japan, started a translation project at the same time, have been working nonstop on it up until last week, and am now working a new project. I wanted to work on this story, but, I literally haven't had much time. Oh well.

As always, I ask that you help me out a bit by heading to my P.a.t.r.e.o.n. and giving some support. Also, I might need some help with Spanish soon, so anyone out there fluent in Mexican Spanish, preferably? If not, any dialect's cool. I ain't picky.

Guest reviews:

Heartbroken: Eh...Anko has her reasons. Not necessarily good ones, but, reasons nonetheless.

MyVenomousRomanc: The next chapter has come! For you! Congrats.

A Non-Y Mouse: I'm always glad to make yet another person cry. And trust me, there will be some crying later, if I can manage it. I'm excited.

* * *

I sat quietly on my bed, my hands flipping slowly through various different seals as I gazed blankly down at them. I hadn't had the courage to contact my Citlali just yet, and every time I thought to do so, I got cold feet again. I was sure that I'd gotten her out of harm's way in time, but not sure enough for the prospect of failure to leave my mind entirely. Licking my lips slightly, I lifted my gaze to glance at my sister as she pulled on her trench coat, her brow narrowed while she concentrated on getting ready for the day.

More than likely having sensed my staring, she nodded her head down at my restless hands. "What's going on?"

I forced my hands to stay still and shrugged my shoulders. "Just jittery."

"Will you be all right to do this?" Anko asked with a touch of concern. She'd been wary around me ever since I'd gotten out of the hospital, and to be honest, I hadn't really been talking to her much after that answer she'd given me, anyway.

"Looking forward to it," I muttered. It would give me something to focus all of my energy on, at least.

She frowned briefly, but said nothing, only motioning for me to follow after her. I grabbed my pack and walked out of our room and into the next in her wake, fastening the clasps across my chest and making sure it was sturdy and set on my shoulders and back. Shisui and Hitomi awaited us in their room, with him sitting on his bed with one leg propped up, and Hitomi standing off to the side, not a smile in sight.

The atmosphere seemed really tense for whatever reason, and grew even more so when he looked over at me. Shisui studied me intently, eyes narrowing before he finally closed his eyes and I let out a very short sigh of relief.

"Now that we're all accounted for," he began, and I winced at the obvious jibe, "allow me to discuss how the next few weeks or so, at least, will be executed. Kazekage-sama has requested our prolonged presence within his village to help with minor issues within the territory. While our status as a Konoha team still holds true, we will be lending our strength to other Suna teams and working with them. In this situation, you are to consider them as if they were a part of Konoha, or you all a part of Suna, so ranks apply as per normal, and leaders will be assigned as the mission necessitates."

After making sure we were all on board with the new decision, not that we had a choice in the matter, Shisui pulled out a few scrolls, stood up, and passed one to each of us after checking the side. I wanted to open it immediately, but let my hands fall to my sides as I looked back at our leader.

He sat down again. "Upon completion, report directly to the mission desk, just as you would in Konoha. I can't be certain how long we'll be staying here, but I'm hearing interesting things from HQ, so it may not be for too much longer. And, I cannot stress this enough, but following the mission to a key is absolutely essential, especially considering that we are in a foreign land, friendly or not. At the moment, we are the only Konoha team here in Suna, and we are only capable of so much, but it is crucial that we do our utmost, with little chance of anything going awry."

Shisui looked down for a moment before letting out a sigh. "And keep your eyes peeled. Things could go off the charts at any time. Dismissed."

The next second, he took both his pack and mission scroll in hand and shunshined away. I watched Hitomi turn away and analyze the contents, and Anko gave me a nod as she walked past, opening her scroll along the way. I pulled my own scroll up into view, perusing through as quickly as I could.

 _Rank: B_

 _Type: Bodyguard/Escort_

 _Risk of Danger: Moderate_

 _Team: Nisha (L), Kori, Mitarashi Hotaru_

 _Task: Meet with client at [_ Disclosed Location _] and safely guard from possible threats. Escort client to the town of Shirasha at indicated coordinates, maintaining good health in the client. Remain together with the client until all threat of danger is extinguished. Exert sound judgment._

 _Threat: Client claims to have been followed, and personally, and nearly bodily, threatened. Suspects include members of the Kuran Clan. The Kuran Clan associated felonies include: drug trades; human trafficking; mass theft; mass murder._

 _Kuran Clan Key Figures: Kuran Taima (M): Clan leader. History of smuggling children from various villages. Has a number of contracts throughout Elemental Nations involving taxation for protection. Kuran Fuho (F): daughter of Taima. Commands combative forces. Kuran Shouya (M): Runs the many concentration camps across Suna._

 _Client: Waraku (M): Age 52. Family yields the sweet pea flower, a plant which produces toxic seeds used in a variety of poisons. Has a tendency to panic._

"Oh, shit," I whispered. I think Hitomi glanced over at me with amusement, but I couldn't take my eyes away from the scroll.

I stared down at it, my eyes growing wider and wider as I looked next at the floor plan of the location. I slowly, _slowly_ rolled it back up, and took in a deep breath. I gave an absentminded nod over at Hitomi, who I think definitely smirked at me, and started walking away and down the corridor. Stuffing the scroll in one of my pockets, I then buried my face in my hands.

"I," I began, "am in some deep shit."

I could feel nervousness begin to pool in my stomach, my stress growing from the unknown situation as I walked up to the meeting point to see a woman's gaze narrow in on me, her mouth thinning as her brow furrowed. The guy beside her pushed off from the wall and gave a slight wave – one I chose to completely ignore. Adjusting my pack on my shoulders again, I glanced from the guy to the woman and back again, and then tilted my chin up slightly.

"Nisha and Kori, right? Who's who?"

"I'm Kori!" exclaimed the friendly man next to me. "This is Nisha. I've never worked with a Konoha resident before. Should be fun."

I gave him a slight nod for lack of anything better to actually say and then turned to the leader. Nisha snorted and turned away.

"ID?"

I flipped the card out before quickly putting it back where it belonged. Nisha shrugged her shoulders and looked around at the open area of the market we were in. People shuffled around, rushing from place to place, deal to deal. There was shouting everywhere as vendors tried to lure people in to buy _their_ goods for cheaper and better quality than any other vendor in the entire district. Old ladies pushed past unsuspecting victims to the front of the lines, bumping their hips against others to make room. Several men went directly towards the hunting supplies and the meat stands to buy enough for their next meal. Children ran around, laughing, squealing, and generally being children in a crowded area.

Honestly, it didn't look like Suna was in the middle of a war either, just like Konoha. From the outside in, nothing seemed to have changed in their daily lives, and people continued on as they always had. But, in looking more carefully, I could see the tightness at the edge of some people's eyes, the harried movements as they tried to get all of the materials and ingredients they needed. I noticed how some vendors had to apologize because they didn't have as ample a stock as usual, but considering it was Suna, I wasn't sure how well-stocked they ordinarily were.

I looked away. I wasn't sure which was the better scenario: being outside in the thick of things and knowing what's going on for the most part, or being stuck in a bubble, where I might not know what could happen to me, but wasn't afraid that it might be that last time to open my eyes.

"Bah," Nisha grunted, garnet eyes focused intensely at the scene lay before us. "Every day, there's just a little bit less to work with. Wars are worthless. But better here than there. Mindless sheeple."

Kori smiled faintly, though it seemed somewhat sad. "I don't know. I kind of envy them. I'd like to pretend none of this was ever happening. You know, go back to the good ole days."

Nisha didn't answer at first, but stared at him straight in the eyes. "And when were those?"

Shaking her head, she turned to me. "Whatever, back to the main mission. As you've already heard, I'm Nisha. I'll be in charge of this ridiculous farce. I'm trained in the art of medicine, but I'm not like those stupid med-nin you see flying around, and I ain't no Tsunade – the fucking bitch. I'm more the tanking type – I'll beat them until they're half-dead, and then bring them back just enough to beat the living hell out of them again. I don't do miracles though. Leave that to Chiyo-baa-sama. I do quick fix-ups and some patches."

"I'm Kori," the man said, running a hand through his grey hair. "I specialize in poisons of all types. Tell me how you want someone killed and I've got you covered. I'm a little rounded, but I don't operate front and center very well. I'm better as back-up. What do you do, Mitarashi-kun?"

I frowned, my hands automatically rising to my hips. "I'm not sure. Some subterfuge, I guess. Stealth. I'm kind of fast?"

Kori only smiled, his dark-blue eyes calm and reassuring, but Nisha looked less than impressed.

"A rookie. Great," she stated with as much enthusiasm as one would when watching wallpaper dry. "Well, as long as you can follow orders, I don't really give a damn. You can do that, can't you?"

I held my tongue, literally biting it so that I wouldn't snap back at a superior I didn't know in any way, shape, or form. Curtly nodding my head instead, I gritted my teeth when Nisha rolled her eyes. Kori rubbed the back of his neck as he eyed the both of us before spreading his arms out in a placating manner.

"Hey, come on, we don't have time for this, right? Let's get this show on the road."

"Right," Nisha agreed, a stony expression taking over as she frowned at us. "So, I don't know how Konoha normally operates, but we usually get introduced to our clients in the mission office, to get a better feel for what we're doing here. The fact that we're meeting in some random slipshod place is strange in and of itself, but, wait – you read the missive, right?"

Kori and I both nodded and Nisha continued. "Fine, moving on. The guy is paying the village a hell of a lot for this mission, plus he's promising most of his supply of sweet pea – whatever the fuck that is –"

"It's a plant indigenous to the northern Iwa region," Kori interjected. "Its seeds are –"

"Mindfuck, I know," Nisha interrupted, "but I don't actually give a damn. Anyway, he usually ships the stuff out to a lot of places, but he promised Suna fifty percent of the next crop to make sure he gets back A-OK. What gets me about the ludicrousness of the whole thing are the people going after him. The Kuran clan is no joke – those assholes don't mess around. The only reason no one goes after them is because for the right amount of money, a lot of avenues open up. Their main HQ is here in the Suna region, but they've got people all over. You seriously don't mess with an underground faction like that, but they're going after this guy.

"Problem is," she continued, her gaze lazily looking around us, taking in the situation constantly, "these guys are off-limits, normally. For good reason. Suna has its sticky fingers all wrapped up in their shit and one wrong move could hurt us in a lot of ways. Could hurt any country. We're only lucky that they don't give a shit about the major villages, or any village. They are concerned with only themselves. But they're after our guy."

Kori shook his head. "But they won't make a move on him in a place that could start an outright war – not that there's any chance of us actually retaliating, what with the Kumo warlords over there. There's a treaty though, between them and, well, really any village out there. We don't touch their men, they don't touch ours. We don't ruin their businesses, and they don't screw with ours. It's a lucrative deal for everyone involved."

I opened my mouth slightly before closing it and shaking my head. "But, they kidnap children."

"Just street rats though," Kori specified. "They don't lay a hand on nobles' kids, clan kids, kids who become ninjas, or kids under the age of like, five? After five, they've decided on their path, or had it decided for them, and that's free game. So, only civilian kids get taken."

"Only?" I mouthed, incredulous. "How is this a thing? How can you guys accept that bullshit?"

"Hey," Nisha intervened, frowning at me. "Do we look like good guys to you? Do you think you're some kind of good guy, some hero who jumps into the fray and saves the poor, pathetic citizen like some holy figure? Have you killed before?"

She cut me off before I could answer. "I know you have. You have that look to you. You've experienced it – we all have. Let's get one thing straight – we _kill_ for a _living_. Our paycheck comes from screwing others' lives. Some things out there are necessary evils, and with the kind of support the Kuran Clan supplies Suna, and your village too, for that matter, you have no right to be panicking over some stupid civ kids. And you don't have the time for it, either.

"Thing is, that clan is gunning for our guy. That means, we have to protect him, make sure that crop comes to fruition. It's only got another week, at most. The problem therein lies with not harming the Kuran Clan. Or at least, not _first_. And, they can't touch us, either. They operate off of trust – they lay a hand on a ninja and they are going to get buttfucked in way too many ways. The scale's currently balanced, but anything could tilt it. But they've got the advantage."

Kori stepped in, shaking his head. "Not quite. See, this is important: sweet pea is indigenous to the northern Iwa region, but it was _wiped out_ in the previous wars. It doesn't exist anymore. But this guy, our client, _bioengineered_ the flower back to life. But it took him at least ten years to achieve success. And, it takes the better part of half a year for this specimen, since they're not natural, to fully grow and blossom. That's a long time. But, this is an important ingredient of a special concoction the clan uses. It's addictive in multiple doses, and the clan is running out. Seriously running out. That's why they're focusing so hard on this guy."

I nodded slowly. "Take out the flower, and you take them out, but then they'll reap revenge on both our villages, and we're done. Keep it and this guy safe, and we run the possibility of it falling it the Kuran Clan's hands. Touch them and we die. They touch us and they die."

Kori gave a grin and looked over at Nisha, and shrugged his shoulders.

"Get this, though. One more wrench in this crazy mess. Waraku is dying. That's why this harvest is so important – if it doesn't make it, it'll be his last, and the flower will cease to exist. _BUT_ , the clan doesn't want that. And neither does Suna. You know our village – we thrive on poisons. This would be great to add to our arsenal. And the key part is that Waraku's also willing to part with the recipe, for Chiyo-baa-sama to utilize. With it, we can make both poisons, and antidotes. It would be a major success for us. Not even Tsunade should have much experience with this particular flower. Suna would have an edge. We need him alive – both sides do. Either side could control the market, as far as that goes, with that recipe of his. But once it's in Suna's hands, Kuran _can't touch it_."

"And we can't touch Kuran if it gets in their hands," Nisha finished up. "It's a mess, and the whole damn thing should be ranked as an S, or at least an A, as far as I'm concerned, but, we're only escorting and guarding. That's it. Just three of us. We may personally be safe from members of the clan, but we don't know what they might send after us. This might turn into a hell of a clusterfuck."

There was a slight pause in our conversation as each one of us glanced over at a couple of civilians who had drifted a bit too close for comfort. Both noticed our hitai-ate quickly enough and darted out of sight, but our place of "secrecy" had been foiled now, which meant we needed to move on. Nisha cleared her throat slightly and nodded for us to follow her, which we did, with me trailing dead-last.

I felt a major urge to do some research on this Kuran clan because why wasn't every single detail of this world in the damn manga? Damn it, Kishimoto – make my life a little easier, would you?

I also had this crazy need to flip out my phone and look things up on an internet that didn't exist in this reality. Google, Wikipedia, whatever other information-filled websites were out there, it had all been at the touch of a fingertip in my previous life and now I was back to something resembling the Dewey Decimal System. I didn't mind that...completely, but it was hard to get around to looking at what needed to be researched. I had been spoiled to the benefits of the modern world of 2015, and now look at me. It's the month of June, year fifty-three of Great Nations. Year "fifty-three" of any current era just doesn't reek of modern life. It makes me feel like I'm trapped in the days before Japan opened its borders to other countries for trade.

Getting back on track, though, I'd really never heard much about the Kuran Clan. That wasn't one of the things I'd found out about back when I was with Yugito, but to be fair, there had been a lot I hadn't known about at the time. I was starting to realize just how much I'd missed by skipping through school. I might have had the intellect and possible wisdom, but experience just couldn't be beat. I didn't have that, and it looked like I needed to pay the library a visit or two once I had some time to myself. As if that was a thing.

Most of the time, civilians paid us no mind, though they did eye my forehead protector quite a bit, considering it blatantly shouted out that I wasn't from around these parts. Kori walked on normally, his head twitching minimally left and right as he sought out possible threats, but his gait was always relaxed and calm, like he had everything under control. Nisha, on the other hand, couldn't be bothered to give a fuck about much of anything. It was like a group of people parted the moment she came close, like the Red Sea and Moses. She wasn't actively telling them to move, but they did regardless, like they knew something bad would happen otherwise.

We neared our destination towards the main road going through the village. It was a nice looking pub from what I could tell, but it didn't appear to be open to the public just yet. And, that made sense, considering it was close to eight in the morning. Nisha knocked at the door in a strange rhythm, with it opening hardly even seconds later. All three of us walked in, and with every possible escape route shut or blocked, the place was dark and kind of uninviting. Behind the bar, I could see the visage of a man in his late twenties to early thirties looking over at us as we walked into the main area. He leant against the countertop of the bar, not really seeming as if he wanted to be there at the moment.

"Hey Renta," called Nisha as she rested her forearm on the counter. "Rough night?"

He gave her this _look_ , as if her observation was so ridiculously understated that she shouldn't have bothered. Renta shook his head miserably. "You know, I think the best part of everything had to be when the Clan actually showed up."

I wasn't the only one alarmed by this. Nisha's posture stiffened some.

"They actually showed up, for real?"

"Not them, exactly," Renta clarified, eyes narrowing as he averted his gaze. "Looks like they're taking steps to get around their constraints."

Nisha scowled, her arms folding over her chest. "Who, or what, then?"

"Couldn't say. When they got caught, they literally fell into pieces."

As I raised an eyebrow, Kori and Nisha stood up straight, eyes attentive. Kori held up a hand, as if full of disbelief.

"Wait, wait, wait," he started, "are we talking puppets here? The Clan hired someone from Suna or something?"

Renta shrugged a bit. "Or something."

Nisha rubbed her bottom lip in thought as she made eye contact with Kori. "Oh, this is going to be a real pain in the ass..."

"Nah," mumbled Renta. "The _real_ pain in the ass is in there. Behind that door. Get him the hell out of here before I'm forced to kill him and go on the run."

Kori let out a chuckle as he walked towards the door, pushing it open. "Aw, he can't be that ba–"

"AAAAHHHHHH!" came a scream that sounded like nothing short of a banshee on drugs. "THEY'RE HERE! THEY'RE GOING TO KILL ME! SAVE ME!"

I stared openmouthed at the sight of a grown ass man with grey hair covered by something like a toupee hiding beneath a table and trying to direct two _very_ annoyed Suna ninja to attack us. The man stared up at the ninja who looked absolutely done with his life right then and when he noticed the ninja wasn't making a move, he threw back the table, grabbed a chair, and whirled it at us. Kori and I simply sidestepped it as it crashed against the ground. When the man – our client – tried to pick up the table next, he screeched when a kunai shot into it and skittered across the floor to a booth seat.

Scratching the back of my head, I felt it tilt to the side bit by bit. It was like a comedy act, which I was unfortunately a part of. Nisha gave our client a cold glare.

"My name is Nisha," she stated clearly. "We are under contract to escort you back to Shirasha. So might I begin by saying you probably shouldn't irritate those who are being paid to protect you. Just a piece of advice."

Waraku narrowed his crazed eyes at us. "How do I know you're really my protectors?"

She let out a huff of air in exasperation, but pulled something out of one of her pockets. Flicking it over, the small item slid across the ground up to the base of the booth. He stared down at it closely before looking back over at us with some suspicion.

"What took you? I could have died!"

"I believe eight o'clock sharp was the agreed time," she explained curtly, before adding, "that you, yourself, set. Now, have you more questions, or can we get going?"

The client drew back some before shrugging his shoulders, grabbing a bag and self-righteously walking towards, between, and past us. Kori gave a sigh and followed after the man as I watched Nisha step threateningly towards the other Suna ninja, who were mocking her with goofy faces full of relief. She flipped them off before walking out. When Renta just gave her a knowing glance, she told him to fuck off and gave him the bird as well.

* * *

"Do you hear that? Do you hear it? I hear it. It's there, I know it is. Something, _something_..."

The time: nineteen-hundred hours. Distance traveled: approximately thirty kilometers. I couldn't remember the last time I'd walked so slowly. And the worst part was that he never shut up. _Never_.

I'd tried clapping my hands over my ears, but it merely drowned him out, and never completely. From some ways away, Kori groaned, shielding his eyes with an arm. Nisha, the one standing watch, was losing her patience, very quickly.

"If you make me get up from my spot, I am going to shove this weapon up your ass so far that every single pile of poop you've farted out will scream with terror," she uttered slowly, her eyes deadly serious. "Shut. Up."

I only heard some silence for a moment before: "That isn't scientifically possible."

"...Try me."

No more sounds came after that, and I finally closed my eyes to get some much needed sleep.

After which, nothing filtered through my consciousness and I was practically dead to the world. I slept so deeply that had someone screamed, I'm not so certain I would have heard it whatsoever. When I was awoken far too soon later, Kori directed for me to get up and take watch. I groaned, slowly rising as I rubbed my face with my hands. I watched him slip into his sleeping bag – it was freezing right now – and, shivering, I pushed myself to my feet and yawned.

Looking back at Nisha, who was nearly as dead to the world as I'd been, and yet so not, I let a small smile slip before clearing my throat softly and taking up a position next to the remains of the fire. Taking out a few heat patches, I waved them around to build up heat before sticking them in various places under my vest. Then I wrapped my arms around my body, huddling lest I freeze more. My head tilted back some.

The stars were laid barren throughout the night sky, spread across endless kilometers of desert. Each one twinkled brightly, and I absently looked for the only constellations I'd known in my own world, but of course, they weren't there. Here, there were one's like "Advent of the Tiger" and "Recluse Dragon's Flare". No Latin in sight.

It wasn't bad, just...weird. But then, things different from a person's norm usually are.

"Stars, aflame with energy, never dying..."

My eyes narrowed as I frowned over at the bundle of covers near me. The old man's eyes were fervent with something I couldn't pinpoint, and they turned towards me slowly. His face was pale with sunken cheeks, and the both eyes had deep, dark bags underneath them. He looked as if he hadn't slept a wink the entire night. Rolling my eyes, I turned away.

"Get some sleep," I muttered, just barely loud enough to direct him without waking my comrades.

"Sleep is for the satiated," Waraku drawled, rising up and staring straight at me. "For the safe, the unburdened."

I wrapped my arms around myself more tightly, not bothering to answer him. He turned his gaze away from me and stared upwards again.

"You..." he began slowly. "You aren't from Suna."

 _No shit, bro_ , was the first thought to come to my mind. _Just figure that out?_

"You aren't like them... Those two..."

He sat up fully, mouth tightening. "Not a snake, some cold-blooded killer."

That phrasing made me snap my gaze over towards him, but I held my tongue. He made eye contact with me again, never blinking.

"It's a part of me," Waraku stated, voice low. "The recipe. The process. My passion. It's on my heart."

The man suddenly had my full attention now. I automatically shifted forward onto my knees, staring hard at him. "What do you mean? You mean, you had it surgically attached to your heart? Or, do you mean 'heart' in the spiritual sense, where it's a part of you, and seared into your mind? What do you mean?"

For once, the client fell silent, as if the conversation was over. I waited for a few seconds, just to see if he was maybe gathering his thoughts together, but he never continued talking even after that. I was on my feet before I knew it, walking over towards him and looking down with a scowl.

"Hey, what were you going on about?" I whispered harshly, acting like I had some iota of control with the situation. "Don't leave us hanging."

Waraku's gaze found me again, and he gave this _strange_ smile, one I wasn't sure how to take in any capacity. I found myself drawing away slightly, my eyes searching through his odd expression, like it was a puzzle I couldn't solve due to some missing pieces. Then, Waraku turned away again.

"Do you hear that?" he breathed. "I hear it."

Once more, he looked at me, that strange, bewildering smile on his face and then: " _It's there_."

All of a sudden, from the sand meters away burst out five figures, the _fwoom_ sound of sand flying everywhere taking me off guard just as I saw something, _something_ , glint through the night sky. My kunai were in my hands immediately as I raced in front of Waraku and blocked the oncoming weapon just barely in time enough to keep it from hurting the client.

"ENEMY INCOMING!" I shouted, though it was hardly necessary as Kori and Nisha had already pushed themselves out of their sleeping bags, adrenaline flowing through their bodies from the rude awakening. I took a stance in front of Waraku, fending off someone as they came racing at me, teeth chattering wildly.

"What?" I gasped out, eyes widening when I saw the thing open its mouth and –

Pushing off of the ground, I planted my hands onto the sand as my foot swirled around to crash straight...absolutely nothing. Sand sprayed everywhere when I spun around, regaining my bearings while I held my kunai tightly and took position in front of the client yet again. The thing's movements were irregular, its head swooping down and darting forward for my shin, with me parrying the poisonous (?), sharp weapon just enough for it to slide aside. Waraku let out a high-pitched scream as he clambered up behind me. He wrapped his arms around my waist, and I looked back, incredulous.

"What the –? Get off!"

I pushed him back and out of the way as I yelled out "Seals: Release!" and pushed my chakra to the bottoms of my feet. The head's sharp weapon dug into the sand where I'd been, embedding deeply into it as I spun around, a wave of sand rising up behind me. Zoning in on the enemy, I blasted forward, throwing my kunai forward as an introduction. Electricity flowed through my arms as I clapped them together, my legs pumping and pushing me closer and closer. Flying back into position in front of the client yet again, I swept my leg back, up, and around to try an axe kick, not altogether surprised when the creature moved back abnormally.

I pressed forward still, and knowing I wouldn't have the time or opportunity, I pushed all of my electric chakra into my right fist, jumped up, and sent it spiraling into the thing's head. The resulting cracking and splintering of the parts was satisfying, but not the shard of metal that slid straight the palm of my hand. I could feel my eyes widen ridiculously as I cradled my hand to my chest, grunts of pain escaping my mouth as I forced myself back and away from the monstrosity. It, however, clicked around a bit more, righted itself, and then came at me again. The constant clacking of parts was starting to get on my nerves.

Gritting my teeth, I looked down at the metal inside my hand – _inside my hand!_ – and desperately hoped it wasn't as poisonous as it had seemed. The puppet, because that's definitely what it had to be, rushed at me again, and I took a one-handed stance, keeping my right one flush with my chest as best I could. As the clicking and clacking grew more and more infuriating, something zoomed through the air and crashed directly into my target, sending them both flopping and spinning in a flurry through the sand.

My jaw dropped some and I turned to watch Nisha, no – two of her – weave in between some of the third puppet's attacks and whip her nunchakus around, each blow blazing with chakra as it blasted one piece after another off of the puppet's body. She zipped in more closely, chucking out a kick hard enough to crack through a chest piece, planted a foot against the remains of its face and flipped back around, nunchakus spinning rapidly to her sides. Nisha made another side flip before spiraling around in a central position, chakra and wind flowing around her until she lashed out her nunchakus at her target.

" _Fuuton: Tenryuuran!_ "

A concentrated spiraling gust of wind with what looked like the strength of a tornado flew into her target with the force of a few megaton trucks. The puppet shattered completely, chips and pieces flying everywhere as a kunai trap within went off, shards of metal blitzing everywhere. Nisha exhaled slowly, her nunchakus whipping through the air even faster than before, wind chakra emanating from them and expanding to make a huge barrier, enough to block a great majority of the trap.

Garnet eyes flying back to narrow in on my injured hand, she only allowed half a moment to pass before joining my side, hands glowing a soft green as she pulled out some disgusting looking fluid from my hand. Soon, all that was dripping from my limb was bright red blood, each drop sinking down into the sand and turning a darker, uglier color. Nisha glanced up once over at Kori, noted that he was having no trouble as he methodically took apart one limb after another of the last puppet, walked over to her pack, and pulled out a small flask. The disgusting fluid fell into it, and the flask was corked almost immediately. When Kori turned around, a relieved smile on his face as he tossed back the last puppet arm, Nisha tossed the flask at him.

"Mark that for analyzation," she directed, turning back towards me and swiftly starting to heal my hand. "How soon can it be finished?"

"I'll get on it as soon as we set up a base," Kori answered back quickly. "Just have to run a few tests on it, although I've already got an idea of what we're dealing with."

I looked down at my hand the moment she released it, Nisha's gaze looking around us suspiciously. Each puppet lay destroyed and left for dead, the people behind their strings nowhere in sight. Her long strides moving her across the sand quickly, Nisha went to kneel next to mound of two, consisting of both my target and one of hers. She rummaged around, picking up one wooden piece after another. While Waraku clung to me, annoyingly, though thankfully silent, Kori came up next to Nisha with his hands on his hips. Snorting, she tossed the piece to the side.

"I thought I might figure out who the puppeteer was by its make, but it's made in the traditional format, with no real personal touches. Nothing to set the people apart from anyone else who went to the academy. This part," she continued, pointing at the lining of one edge, "looks like some spruce? I'm not an expert on vegetation, honestly."

Shaking her head, Nisha stood up and turned back to look at me, and then her eyes lowered to concentrate on the man hugging my waist. One glance at Kori later, she was charging forward and grabbing Waraku by his shirt, hoisting him up to his feet. Waraku only grunted in return as Nisha glared at him.

"Start explaining," she ordered coldly. "You knew they were coming. If you know anything else, I suggest you let us know, now."

Waraku tilted his head before chuckling some. "The inane seek to speak to the insane? How...underwhelming a prospect. Yes, quite, quite. I know nothing, nothing at all! I am just a mere old man."

Nisha couldn't quite mask her sneer as she shoved the man away, but he grabbed steadfastly ahold of her sleeve, and when she turned to push him away again, he leaned in closely.

"My passion...it's on my heart."

She stared at him blankly for a bit before pushing him hard enough that he fell back a few steps and tripped backwards. Taking in a shaky breath, she clenched a fist and pointed directly at me.

"The next time you decide to withhold important information," she started, her voice soft, "it might not just be a cut through her hand. Next time, one of us might die, and there will be that less number of people to protect you. And I...refuse, to let any of my comrades die, no matter who they are, or where they're from."

Her garnet eyes met mine briefly before Nisha turned away, and even despite the quick glance, I could tell out the raw emotion ever present there. I looked down for a moment, not knowing what to say amidst the silence before turning towards Kori, who watched after Nisha with a solemn expression. I followed his gaze back to her, watching from behind as she irritably wrapped up her pack. Her eyes were back to their previous façade of coldness when she turned back though.

"Clean up the camp," she told us. "Sorry, Kori, I know you didn't get much sleep, but I'd rather we just got there and set up a base." She glared at our client. "Before any other bullshit happens to us."

Kori waved her off with a grin, already moving to get his gear together. I sighed softly, my head tilting a bit as I tried to crack my neck unsuccessfully. I ignored the client as he slowly rose to make his own preparations and started rolling up my sleeping bag.

* * *

It was another near couple of days before we arrived at Shirasha, with everyone exhausted and ready to relax within the relative safety and confines of the village. Waraku's daughter was the first to greet us, her eyes soft and gentle as she took us to our room. Admittedly, I chose to forego dinner, or breakfast, or whatever the hell it actually was in favor of getting some much needed rest. Unlike Nisha, who had to be well into her twenties, and Kori, who was somewhere in his late teens, I was still a growing child and couldn't take the stress as well as the others. I barely managed a dip in the bath before dragging myself off to bed, and I swear that I was out the moment I hit the pillow.

And, while I'd known I was tired, I woke up to complete darkness, whereas it had been bright as fuck when I went to bed. I'm not sure which I felt worse about – the fact that no one woke me to help, or the thought that no one felt any need to wake me to help. I sighed and flopped my arms out to my sides, taking some comfort in the snores I heard coming from who had to be Kori. Pushing myself up sleepily, I groaned softly when my stomach gurgled and complained. My eyes found his sleeping form easily enough in the darkness, and I turned away, letting out a sigh.

Getting up, I moseyed down to the kitchen, wherever the hell that was, to see if I could scrounge up some rice or something to at least satisfy my stomach a little. I looked up and down the hallways, getting irritated when I found the house was a bit bigger than I'd remembered. Closing my eyes, I looked internally, spreading out my senses for what all I could.

Let's see... Three sources of chakra upstairs, two downstairs on the floor with me, and one last one up on the... My eyes flashed open quickly, before narrowing as I looked up high above me. I backed up a couple of steps as I stared straight up, before heading down the hallway into what had to be the kitchen, grabbing a piece of fruit, and then heading outside. I tossed up the fruit in my hand as I looked up towards the roof, chakra building within my legs as I leapt high into the air and landed with a light tip onto it.

I walked over to the other side to see Nisha sitting at the edge, smoke wafting into the air from her. She hardly gave me a glance as I sat beside her. Nisha brought her cigarette to her lips, taking in a deep breath, and letting it out smoothly. She flicked the butt, ashes spreading around.

"Sleep well?" she asked, taking another long drag.

I took a bite of the fruit, which was apparently a mango. "You guys didn't wake me."

"You're still growing," Nisha murmured. "You're no good to me half-dead."

"Did Kori get a read on that poison?"

She shook her head, taking in one last drag before smashing the lit end against the sole of her sandal. Almost as quickly, she pulled out yet another from a carton in her pocket. Lighting it, it immediately went to her mouth for a quick drag.

"Not yet," came the eventual reply. "It's a strain he's not completely familiar with. It'll take a bit more time."

I looked down. "Nisha, I'm sorry about...well, sucking. Taking out only one of them, and just barely."

Nisha snorted. "You protected the client. You got us a possible lead. You did fine."

I opened my mouth to deny that statement, but she just held up a hand. "Look, we've all been there. Everyone starts somewhere. That's how it works. Don't blame your inability to do something – just get better. That's all you can do."

"Right," I muttered warily. "Sorry."

"Yeah, so if we're done pitying ourselves, let's talk about what you did wrong, why don't we?" She took in another drag. There was a pause, and then: "Oh wait, there's nothing. Defended the client, called out the threat... The only thing I might scold you about is that only an idiot punches into a puppet. Those things are definitely going to have some kind of ridiculous trap in them to make lives difficult. They require long distance assaults, or some impressive speed. I can tell you're working on the latter, but you aren't there yet, so figure something out."

"Right..."

Nisha let out a sigh and gazed out tiredly over the village. "Don't be in a rush to get better – the end result isn't always worth it, and brings more trouble than it's worth sometimes."

She took one more drag. "One thing you can do, though, is get closer to the client. There's something we're not quite up to date on with this mission, and it's bothering the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure he knows as much as us about the enemy, but there's something about that recipe thing that's bothering me. He said it was 'on his heart', and I want to know what that means."

"Uh, if he isn't going to tell you, then how the hell would I find out?"

"I'm a seasoned veteran," she explained, "and obviously don't give a fuck about anything. I was violent, virulent, and unprofessional in my conduct with a client, something I've got record of doing. For me to go back and make peace and friends with him would be nothing short of weird, and he wouldn't buy it. He's not an idiot, no matter how much he acts it. And Kori... Kori is too nice. And too fucking scary with that poison shit of his, which is a terrible combination.

"You though," Nisha continued, "you're legit young. You look innocent, and you had a conversation with him, without practically killing him. You're the best option out of all of us. Plus, you wanted to be helpful, you don't know jack about managing missions, you don't know anything about poisons, you aren't skilled enough to run reconnaissance, and you are naturally lacking with sleep, which is why you slept for nearly twelve hours straight. So, that's the assignment I'm giving you.

"Talk to the client. Get buddy-buddy with him. Figure out what's going on. Hell, talk to the other damn people in this village. Get some info. Make sure to find out every damn thing you can."

"Okay," I told her, glancing at her as she took yet another drag. I bit my upper lip slightly before forging ahead. "Hey, Nisha?"

"What?"

"Are, you okay?" I asked hesitantly, and I saw her hand pause before falling away from her lips.

Her eyes turned towards me for a second, holding my gaze before shifting away. "I'm fine. I just refuse to fail. Anyway, you'd better get some more rest. We've all got a long day tomorrow."

I reacted slowly, gingerly rising to my feet. I wanted to try and force the topic a bit more, but I knew when it was time to skedaddle. I scratched the back of my head, turning just enough to say, "Good night. And...don't stay up too late – you'll get sick."

One of her eyebrows rose in what I took to be amusement. "Good night."

Meanwhile, I chided myself inwardly on how stupid I was to treat her as if she were younger than me, even though she technically was. Regardless, she didn't know that. And, as far as gathering info was concerned... Well, that's what I was interested in, wasn't it?

* * *

So, chapter's done. Good show. Again, Spanish helper, please. And, hey, P.a.t.r.e.o.n. Thanks.

Also, what do you think of Nisha and Kori, and Waraku, for that matter. I, personally, love Nisha, but, I'm biased. What can I say?


End file.
